Cut Stu White's hairPreppy shit Mitt Romney is responding to today’s story about him leading a high school mob to hair-rape a gay in classic style: First, apologizing while laughing his ass off, and then struggling to solicit “supporting remarks” from the few classmates he didn’t terrorize. Boy howdy, we’re having some fun now. Did you know that Mitt Romney also hair-raped people in college and Michael Barone also thought he was a jerk in high school? Please, don’t get all caught up in the torturous “DOES THIS MATTER??” handwringing. Let’s just continue laughing at how much of a little prick the youthful Mitt Romney was.

Hunter Walker notes that there was much more about wacky Romney hijinks in an earlier Washington Post story that didn’t cause such a brouhaha, because it wasn’t gay hair, maybe. Just dirty public university hair:

Mr. Romney’s shaving incident, which his father, former Michigan Governor George Romney revealed in a 1970 speech, occurred while he was a student at Stanford. The elder Mr. Romney said Mitt and his friends lured students from the University of California into a trap where they “shaved their heads and painted them red.”

And did you know that Mitt Romney was the French killer in Scream? (SPOILER ALERT, PREVIOUS SENTENCE):

One night in Bayonne, in southern France, Keele answered a knock on the door and saw two men, their faces hidden by sheets, ordering him in French to put his hands behind his back, turn around and not utter a word. Keele fled out the back door only to hear Romney, his mask removed, laughing uproariously in the house.

And here is almanac specialist and cherished high-end wingnut Michael Barone recalling that, much like Michael Barone, Mitt Romney was a “jerk” back at fairest Cran-upon-Brook:

BUT DOES THIS MATTER?? Eh, why the hell not.

Okay, okay, one more, which Pareene brings back to the spotlight:

We met in elementary school – we did. I was a Cub Scout, and she was riding a horse bareback over some railroad tracks. What do Cub Scouts do when they see a little girl on a horse? We picked up stones and threw them.

[WaPo, Buzzfeed]

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  • deleted5554996

    Mitt Romney: Why don't you peons like me?

    • I knew something was missing from this whole litany of Mitten-cretin atrocities.
      When will the "pee'd-on" victims' stories get heard??

      • Barb

        Oh my God, you suck. I just blew diet Pepsi out of my nose. That hurt.
        Must find the Windex.

        Edit-Mumbletypeg, when that happens, holding your hand over your nose and mouth just makes it worse. Let it fly, then try to take a breath.

        • out of my nose

          Bless you!

          • Barb

            Bless you too, Sweetie.

        • JustPixelz

          Suck. Blow. All that's missing is some Coke. That kind of behavior is not going to get you a girlfriend in Obama's same sex FEMA camps. The Windex might draw an appreciative eye though.

      • JustPixelz

        He's a natural member of the GO-Pee party.

        That's how he became one of the wizz kids at Bain.

        Too bad I didn't act like that in high school. I coulda been a contenda.

      • Probably not what Ann Romney meant when she said that Mitt needed to be unzipped.

  • FNMA

    So, little prick grew up to be a big prick.

    • rickmaci

      Still a little prick. Now just a big assh***.

      • CthuNHu

        Well, he was in the Butt Club:

        See small print, top right.

        Okay, so it was probably the guy before him in the yearbook, but 1: his school had a Butt Club, and 2: he's never denied being in it, so it's presumptively true, according to current standards of political proof.

        • doloras

          We need to see his long-form butt certificate.

    • mormos

      not according to his wife

      • Angry_Marmot

        She had him pegged from the get-go.

  • AlterNewt

    Any minute now, something is going to come out about this guy that will totally swing my vote over to Obama…

  • nounverb911

    Do you think the Secret Service would let me shave Mitt's head? You know, as a prank.

  • Aridzona

    What a card! (Albeit a suit other than spades.)

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      He'd be the zero of circles (a beige suit)

    • Angry_Marmot


  • Texan_Bulldog

    So, basically, Mittens was a James Spader character before it was cool.

    And when Michael Barone thinks someone else is a jerk…whoa.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Is he Raymond's brother? You know, the big cop?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Also I hope Stu White remembers that even Mormon Jesus cries when you utter a lie.

      • chascates

        I think Mormon Jesus just wants another donation when you lie.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Mitt and his friends lured students from the University of California into a trap where they “shaved their heads and painted them red.

    It's too bad Willard didn't train to be a mime while he was in France.

    • nounverb911

      Instead of killing his bosses wife?

    • Whoa.

      A Mormon mime?

      The mind wobbles!

    • mayor_quimby

      I wonder if Mittens realizes that 'pranks' like this would end one of 2 ways nowadays: 1 – with the prankee getting all shooty or stabby after a few years of bullying or 2 – With the pranker sporting a nice felony assault conviction following him around for life, precluding him from all kinds of things, like running for president.

  • Fukui-sanYesRadio

    How long until Rmoney calls "swift-brooking"?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You'd better do it, or he'll give you a noogie, and then "pants" you in front of the cheerleaders, and later he'll give you a wedgie.

  • chascates

    At least he never threw a silver dollar across a river. His dad would have beaten the shit out of him for throwing money away like that.

    • nounverb911

      His Mexican father would have thrown a silver peso.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Is it a coincidence that this story about Mitt came out a day after Obama's endorsement of gay marriage? Hmmmmm.

    • Not at all.

    • MozakiBlocks

      Of course not. But that sound you hear is David Axelrod laughing maniacally while sacraficing another chicken.

  • smashaduck

    Come on guys, Mittens didn't know the kid was gay. He thought he was poor.

  • CthuNHu

    Say, Willard, have you considered shooting any of your old chums in the face? Just pour encourager les autres. It seems to work wonders on elderly WASP men.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Pour l'amour ou pour le sport?

  • You can't fool ME! Bayonne is in New Jersey!

    It's where I took my first girlfriend when she told me to kiss her where it's smelly….

    • nounverb911

      That's the entire state.

      • Yea, but Bayonne was the closest to Staten Island.

  • DrunkIrishman

    So, basically, any person whose name isn't Romney that has come in contact with Mitt over the years can't stand him.

    Yeah, I want this guy as my president.

    Fuck that. Even Bush could at least feign compassion.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Obama once pinned down a classmate at Punahou School and lectured him, in even tones, about the importance of eating right and staying healthy. But you won't see that in the Liberal Media!

    • That's the funny thing. Lots of people have come forward to say, "I knew Obama when …." But not one of them has ever accused Obama of being a bully, or a jerk. If anything, they've been *good* stories. Like paying that young woman's fee at the airport.

      • Limeylizzie

        I read that as "painting that young women's feet at the airport" and I got all wet.

        • Barry kinda has that effect on everyone. No matter what you say about him, it gets the wimminz all wet. (And a lot of the menz all hard, but that's another story.)

        • Angry_Marmot

          Stuffin' that cotton between them toes…

    • GOPCrusher

      This would have come out sooner if the librul media would have properly vetted Obama in 2008.

  • metamarcisf

    I'd like to have seen Mittens last five minutes with the likes of Boone, Otter, Bluto and D-Day.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Last I saw, Mittens was standing in the street shouting, "Remain calm. All is well."

      • nounverb911

        Mittens was in ROTC?

    • Indiepalin

      Don't forget the brain-damaged, underrated Stork.

      • Stork was an idiot savant, according to the accompanying book. He actually rigged the house with cold beer on tap in all the bathroom faucets.

      • FNMA

        RIP, Doug Kenney, one funny bastard.

  • bumfug

    Wait a minute – you guys are saying Mitt's an asshole? Fuck! My world just turned upside down!

  • SorosBot

    Whether it's forcibly taking their hair or firing them, Mittens seems to have loved tormenting people his entire life. He'd be great to put in charge of the US military, like W before him!

    • Wadisay

      Or tying his dog to the roof of his car. At least we can guess where he stands on torture.

    • mayor_quimby

      Exactly, SorosBot – where are the stories about how he was so nice to this one person that one time. Or how he bought toys for Toys For Tots, or donated $ so a fellow man could get life-saving surgery.
      The only good story is how he shut down the whole firm to go hunt for a teenage daughter of a Bain coworker who went on a bender in NYC. And even that story is very much about him taking advantage of his position to help a fellow rich guy. That would never happen at a publicly traded company, and I'm quite sure the rich dad could have afforded to hire some P.I.'s
      Why isn't David Helmet-hair Gregory hunting down the girl in that story instead of tonguing peoples balls several days a week?

  • What do Cub Scouts do when they see a little girl on a horse? We picked up stones and threw them.

    Really? Cuz we fapped….

    • What the fuck kind of Cub Scouts throw stones at animals? Especially a great big animal with a little girl on it?

      • BerkeleyBear

        The SS Goering Patrol, Pack 413. Little Jeffrey Dahmer was a natural.

        • I'm from the Fappy Troupe myself, and we never got up to such shenanigans.

  • CommieLibunatic

    …wait a minute. Back row, fifth from the right, blond hair over an eye… Wait, that's the kid he supposedly terrorized? That's all his "faggy" hairstyle was?

    With my flowing(-ish) locks, I'd be lucky if that punk didn't get me with a razor.

    • If you click on photo 8, I think we finally found a photo that sums up both his campaign and how we feel about him

      • HistoriCat

        There's that famed Romney sense of humor! Boy howdy – what's he doing in politics? He should take his knee-slapping jokes on the road!

    • UnholyMoses

      I noticed that, too.

      Had Mittens and his Gang Of Trust Fund Clipperhappy Fuckholes had seen me in high school, their heads would have exploded.

      Which, now that I think about it, would have been a feature and not a bug.

    • SorosBot

      I'm surprised that Mittens' rich prep school actually did include a black kid in 1966. Just one, though; and they made him stand off the side.

      • GOPCrusher

        Actually if you look close, he's holding the reins to young Willard's polo pony.

    • Guppy

      It's called "overcompensating."

    • Negropolis

      I wasn't the only one playing "Where's Waldo" for the black dude, was I?

    • Yes, but with your Mighty Wonketz Squad o'Truth, we'd flip the tables on him and shave a peace symbol on his hairy ass.

  • Please, don’t get all caught up in the torturous “DOES THIS MATTER??” handwringing.

    The Reptiloid from Outer Space was merely trying to fit in with what he thought was 'normal human behavior', Rebecca.

    *washes hands*

  • OneYieldRegular

    As Freud would say: "Over-sharing!"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "I think O'Bannion flunked just so he could 'bust' the freshmen for two years in a row."
    "Dick, right?"

  • DalePues

    "So what do you want us to say Rom?"
    "Well, you could tell them I always chipped in extra for the tip when we went out."
    "You really think that'll turn this around?"
    "Well, good point…..something stronger…hmmm… oh I've got it, say it only happened that one time! Say it was a, uh, an aberration…yeah, that's it, an aberration. Say we didn't do it all the time, just that once!"

  • Exhausted66

    "Mr. Romney’s shaving incident"

    Never wanted to see those four words in-a-row.

    • Well … I was kinda hoping that last word would be ACcident …

    • Nostrildamus

      Would you prefer "Romney-Hastert Cucumber Party?"

  • rickmaci

    I wonder what kind of grades Mittetch-a-sketch had? These frat boy "hijinks" are not the actions of a guy really invested in academics. Where are the transcripts, that's what I want to know now.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Yeah, where ARE the transcripts?

  • Fairtackle

    Sort of like Harry Flashman only without charm and self-awareness.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      …or military service.

      • Chichikovovich

        Or the dashing figure in cherry-picker pants.

      • Angry_Marmot

        … or the accessories.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Meanwhile, Rick Santorum seethes in his lair, wishing that he had been as cool as Romney.

    • GOPCrusher

      Had to be difficult, to come home every day with the elastic from your underwear over your ears.

  • UnholyMoses

    And Maureen Dowd responds to this about how drab Obama's suits are and how that makes him a boring guy you don't wanna have a beer with and Mitt absolutely dreamy in 3 … 2 … 1 …

  • chascates

    Also in prep school Mitt proposed tying their gardener to the roof of their limo for the weekend trip to the summer house.

  • UnholyMoses

    And for the fall play at Cranbrook, Mitt Romney starred as the "Barber of Doucheville" …

    • Geminisunmars

      He had hoped to do Sweeny Todd, but it wasn't written yet.

  • Geminisunmars


  • Baconzgood

    "What do Cub Scouts do when they see a little girl on a horse? We picked up stones and threw them."

    I spent alot of time in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts (They're run by Mormons you know) and the meetings went the following: Pledge of Allegiance, Reciting the scout credo, knot tying, chucking rocks at female equestrians.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Come on classmates, say something nice, even violent sociopaths like Mitt Rmoney are people, too.

  • Fox n Fiends


  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, considering the school, most of his classmates are probably pricks, too.

  • not that Dewey


  • e_z

    I hate those non apology, apologies. "If any one was offended…blah, blah, blah"

    I'd cut Romney slack if he was diagnosed as borderline Autistic or Aspergers but right now I'm thinking he is actually a full blown sociopath.

    • Angry_Marmot

      Sounds a bit over-qualified, really.

    • I'd cut Romney slack if he was diagnosed as borderline Autistic or Aspergers but right now I'm thinking he is actually a full blown sociopath.

      I have been thinking that since the "jokes" about torturing the family dog.

    • doloras

      I am Aspergers and I am shocked by this guy's lack of empathy. I had to *learn* to be empathic the hard way and I've only just got it in my fourth decade of life, because I wasn't born a rich scumbag and it mattered what human beings thought of me.

  • not that Dewey

    Also, Mitt went to Stanford? Elitist.

    • Generation[redacted]

      He would have greatly benefited from Ken Kesey's acid tests.

    • BerkeleyBear

      On the first couple of years. For whatever reason (I'm guessing pulling shit like shaving people, although we all at least threaten violence when Big Game Week rolls around) he finished up post mission at BYU.

  • Wow. Now the REAL Mitt Romney comes into the light, and boy, is it an ugly sight. WTF is wrong with this asshole, that all his "pranks" seem to involve hurting other people and causing pain to others? A young Barack Obama might have eaten the dog meat that his stepfather fed him, but HIS classmates offered unsolicited praise and admiration for young Barry's friendly, fair, equitable, if competitive, nature. Mitt is just a creep and a jerk, and if I had ever met him, I would probably have lured him into the terlet, nutpunched him repeatedly, and given him a swirly for good measure.

    What an unmitigated asshole.

  • Wilcoxyz

    The classmates are having their lawyers draw up proposals and appropriate compensation.

    • I sure hope so. I mean, that recommendation's GOLD, man.

      • Boojum

        You don't just give it away!

  • SayItWithWookies

    SE Hinton would know exactly what kind of person Mitt Romney is.

  • BZ1

    was is a jerk?

  • lulzmonger

    Needs to be a team of CSI bloodhounds let out at the main Romney residence … perhaps with a stereo playing "Who Let The Dogs Out?" for good measure.

    "Aha! So THAT's what happened to all those missing neighborhood pets."

    Having to ASK your high-school peers to say what a nice guy you were?
    Credibility: you fail it.

    Gotta wonder what the Liberal Lamestream Media would do with a story that Sasha or Malia Obama had tied up a fucking dog & tortured it to death. Because one of the Romney Boys actually did just that … & it's completely off the radar (where I predict it will stay through November).

    PROTIP: If you see a Romney with a dog, call the fucking SPCA.

    • One of the ROMNEY boys? I know one of the HUCKABEE boys killed a dog in a nasty manner but I had never heard this about the Romney spawn. Do you know which one it was, are there any details, and do you have a link for me? I know there's a FB group called Dogs Against Romney which is organizing against the jerk, and perhaps they might know something?

      • lulzmonger

        You know … you could be right … so tough to keep my animal-abusing right-wing dickweeds straight any more, what with them becoming like unto grains of sand on the fucking beach by now & all. Thus I extend my sincere unseen apologies to the Mini-Willards if I'm in error, which given my sucktastic track-record, I probably am.PS: This will be my first time replying to anything here via e-mail, as the “So-&-So Replied To Your Dumb Attempt At Snark” notification thing says I can do. Feel free to reply to THIS with “LOL U SUK LUZOR” or what have you – which will let me know that Intense MasterDeBate Inc. isn't just yankin' my chain hereFrom: notifications@intensedebatemail.comTo: jimdav2002@hotmail.comSubject: Ann_ObeyMe_Money replied to your comment on Mitt Romney Bullies High School Classmates Into Saying Nice Things About Him

        • No worries! They're all abusive little shits, it's just a question of correctly identifying which of the abusive little shits abused which animal/person in which documented incident. It ain't easy!You'll notice this worked fine, except it revealed your real ename/eaddie, which I am going to pretend I never saw, because IntenseDebate NetAnonymity, and all that.

        • lulzmonger


          Hey kids! Now you can ALL send me as much hatemail as you like, because IntenseDebate are fucking troll-loving dipshits who totally failed Computer Science 101!


    • BerkeleyBear

      Actually, the fail isn't so much the asking, as the fact the "friend" has to "consider" whether to say anything or not. That speaks volumes.

    • beowulf2100

      It fits, if a child learns from his father and Romney taught his kids about efficient canine transportation methods, the dog abuse of his offspring would fit

  • Wadisay

    Laugh if you will, but I am betting that, by September 15, Romney will remember marching with his dad at Stonewall.

  • as the wise real world ny heather b once said: if you was a bitch that day: YOU WAS A BITCH. THAT. DAY.

  • If Mitt Romney's life were a John Hughes movie, he'd be played by James Spader.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    You sure Romney didn't attend Duke? This sounds a lot like typical Duke douchebaggery…

  • What do you expect from someone that tortures their pet and then jokes about it years later because they do not "get" why normal people find that type of behavior horrifying? Seriously, acting like a serial killer pretty much disqualifies one from having access to nuclear weapons as far as I am concerned.

    • GOPCrusher

      Rmoney/Mike Vick 2012!

      • Since Republican Ted Bundy is…unavailable. Though now I wonder if the Mormons have posthumously baptized him.

  • Guppy

    After hearing this, Rick Perry is likely to have him executed by lethal injection for crimes against hair if'n he tries campaignin' in Tejas.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Fortunately for Romney, being a total asshole is a plus in the Republican party.

  • Guppy

    Privileged boys will be privileged boys.

  • Magister

    If he offered his frightened compatriots an ambassadorship, he'd probably get a better response. Of course nobody's going to believe them because anyone who says nice things about a bully was probably a bully themselves, but attempted bribery with the promise of a cushy government job might help.

  • "For every schoolchild I terrorized, there are thousands who would say I didn't terrorize them at all."

  • Wile E. Quixote

    One night in Bayonne, in southern France, Keele answered a knock on the door and saw two men, their faces hidden by sheets, ordering him in French to put his hands behind his back, turn around and not utter a word. Keele fled out the back door only to hear Romney, his mask removed, laughing uproariously in the house.

    It's a fucking pity that France doesn't have a "Stand Your Ground" law.

    • comment of the year

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      I will fondle this comment over and over in my mind tonight.

  • I've never been so shocked by a story in my entire life. It makes no sense given everything we know about Mitt Romney's character. Surely, if there were any truth to it, these "friends" would have been nicely compensated to keep their mouths shut or otherwise prevented from speaking out.

  • owhatever

    Mitt, you now officially have a sucking chest wound, you elitist piece of shit. I predict more before November.

  • Troglodeity

    Who'd have ever guessed that a kid who threw rocks at horses would grow up to put his sick dog in an "airtight" box on the roof of his car for a 12-hour freeway trip in June?

  • Troglodeity

    Hello, I am a high school friend of Mitt Romney's, and I have a supporting remark for good old Willard, as we all called him back then. I fondly remember the chuckles when Willard was named our prep school's "Most Likely to Torture a Defenseless Animal." Ah yes, those were good times, good times.

  • beowulf2100

    Mitt says that thing in Lord of the Flies thing where they drop the boulder on Piggy was just youthful hijinks that no one would even remember years later.

  • beowulf2100

    If Romney's life were the movie Animal House, he would be Greg Marmalarde,

    • Veritas78

      100% true, so far. Will he have the same end?

  • beowulf2100

    Wow and I thoought Ann was exaggerating when she said he was a wild guy. Assaulting people and terrorizing them really does make you a preppy Steve Martin " wild and crazy guy!"

  • Mittens' web people must read Wonkette — the Boy Scout incident has been updated to throwing pebbles rather than rocks. Somebody in his camp is at least cognizant that normal people do not usually stone girls on horses.

  • ChessieNefercat

    So, his old school chums have to be sought out by the campaign? The Mittster can't be expected to call his old buddies, old pals up his veryowndamnself?

    They have to be sought out by anyone?

    They're not tying up the phone lines calling in demanding the opportunity to tell everybody what a swell guy Mitt was?

    What a dreadful excuse for a human being he is.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Sorry if someone else has noted this, but Mitt is the perfect example of "the banality of evil" in my opinion.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Getting a kick out of causing actual terror is not the definition of pulling pranks. It is a sign of a sociopath. I've seen examples from his prep school days, his missionary days, his governorship, etc. And his reactions now don't improve the situation.

    If I did it, it was a peasant. Who cares? Not I. -The Mitt

  • Wile E. Quixote
  • rocktonsam



  • Negropolis

    and she was riding a horse bareback over some railroad tracks.

    The jokes; they write themselves. So, she was pulling a train, bareback on a horse.

    BTW, if I saw two people drapped in sheets at my doorstep, my reaction would be very similar, or every different in a bad way…for the besheeted intruders.

  • Negropolis

    "You guys, this one time, at Cranbrook, I…."

  • Dumbedup

    So this is like portrait of a serial killer as a young man stuff, what's the october surprise gonna' be? And how happy are the BO campaign folks right now?

  • ttommyunger

    Mitt was born with a piece missing. I don't know the name of it, but it has a lot to do with empathy.

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