She is the Internet's new K-Lo, but with sex. Oh good, Alaska’s at-risk youth have an opinion about Barack Obama’s new/old stance in favor of same-sex marriage! He revealed this to America with a bland anecdote about how his daughters would never think to treat the gay parents of their classmates differently than other parents, remember? Let’s go to spokesmom Bristol Palin for the official Wasilla Family Values Coalition response: “It would’ve been helpful for [Barack Obama] to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her [sic] friends’ [gay] parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.” Wine coolers are a much better, if not the only, reason to do so. Go on: “Or that – as great as her [sic] friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.” The “we” in that sentence refers to a fictional tribe of space wombats. She’s on a roll!

So let me get this straight – it’s a problem if my mom listened too much to my dad, but it’s a heroic act if the President made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters?

Someone sounds a *tad* jealous! Now time for some poorly-disguised projection:

Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.

Still more witty than ninety percent of everything we read in the WaPo opinion section. [Bristol Palin’s Word Diarrhea]

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  • Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!


  • Barb

    "Obama's daughters watch too much Glee." said Bristol Palin who must have watched too much 16 and Pregnant.

    • Watched? Lived it. Got the DWTS contract and new chin for it.

      • And THAT is why I come here.

        • Barb

          Thanks for being here with us, Ben.

        • Because you're evil and twisted and addicted to snark?

          • HistoriCat

            Stop judging me!

          • OurDailyBread

            I came for the snark and stayed for the evil.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Lol, the "Glee" zinger was actually pretty good, considering the source.

      But from reading the post, I can't see how the prez said anything at all about how his daughter's opinions shaped his own. It looks only like he was just pointing out that his kids aren't necessarily hateful and bigoted bitches.

      Try it sometime, Bris. It's working pretty well for that nice McCain girl.

      • Megs McCannons as a Brisket role model?! No way! Those two are only a couple Cosmos at a Repub event away from a rolling-on-the-ground, bitch-slapping brawl!

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Great. I'm not getting any work done for the rest of the afternoon with that image in my head. My boss says "thanks a lot".

          • Megs has the nicest dirtypillows.

          • It would be so awful if Brisket twisted Megs' arm and pressed her firmly into a foggy glass shower door!

          • Lascauxcaveman

            I've always wondered how they manage to shoot those kind of scenes without the shower door popping open…

          • Sometimes I suspect porn, like crime scene investigation shows, might not be very realistic.

          • UW8316154


          • Uhhh … brb

        • HistoriCat

          I like Megs – she seems like a nice girl considering where she comes from and who is in her family. But I don't want to see her in a brawl with Bristol – single mama would probably take Megs down in less than a minute.

          They don't play nice in Wasilla.

          • GOPCrusher

            Oh I don't know. Megs looks like she's a little experience in a little rough-n-tumble. Just to be on the safe side, they should probably get after it in skin tight bathing suits just to ensure there are no foreign objects hidden.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Ina tub of jello, so they have somewhere soft to land.

          • Nostrildamus

            If they really need to wail on each other, we could give them each a large cucumber.

            Just so they don't hurt themselves, you know.

        • sullivanst

          Sounds like a great fundraising opportunity.

      • chascates

        The latest from Megs:
        Meghan McCain ‏ @McCainBlogette
        @chelywright so nice meeting you as well. Thank you for your courage!! Xoxo
        Meghan McCain ‏ @McCainBlogette
        My take on President Obama's support of same-sex marriage: <a href="
        ” target=”_blank”>

    • FakaktaSouth

      Oh man, I swear I clicked on this god foresaken shit JUST to see, WWBS? (what WILL Barb say … to make me laugh and not throw my laptop) Thank you for saving my computer. Love love love.

      • Barb plays the Palins like a Stradivarius!

      • Barb

        Thanks FakaktaSouth! Love love love back.

    • Obama's daughters carry too heavy of a school load to spend much time watching TV at all.

      • ChessieNefercat

        Ta-da! For the win! Best response I've seen.

        • Barb

          Thanks Chessie!

    • V572 Is this him?

      Yep it's true. Mutual agreement, no hard feelings, we're still friends, etc. What a relief, and yes I'm fine except for the cold I got on the aluminum disease machine back from Lima or Houston.

  • Major Thom

    Getting relationship advice from this moran is like getting cooking advice from Jeffrey Dahmer.

    • What? He had some great ideas for liver!

      • Crank_Tango

        No kidding, and he really knew how to take the gaminess out of a 12 year old filipino boy's bicep. Cuz them fuckers is gamey as shit.

        • Baconzgood

          Man. I know it's wrong to laugh (with spit take no less) at that, but god damn it it feels sooooo right.

          • PlanetWingNut

            Cranky makes everyone do a spit take…its a shame though he really likes it when people swallow though.

    • In ALL fairness, hon, there's not TOO many people who could field dress a human like Jeff.

      • What about his fellow Wisconsin Serial Killer Hall-Of-Famer, Ed Gein?

        (Eww, you made me think about that shit!!)

        • Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

          Ed was more into externals, though. You know. Skin and stuff.

    • GOPCrusher

      Dahmer Nose Pizza

  • CrunchyKnee

    Shee-yit, shouldn't you be making a sandwich for some dude?

    • lowaltflier

      What she wants is to be the the meat in a sandwich between two dudes.

      • LeBron and Wade? Sarah mighta passed on the Baller gene.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Iron my shirt, bee-yotch!

      • nonbeliever7

        …and bend over so I can take you from behind while fantasizing about Danica Patrick..

  • DrunkIrishman

    She's been watching too much 16 and Pregnant.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Watching it? I believe she thought it was some sort of homeskuling "family life skills" class. She got an A.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    That cunt acorn sure doesn't fall far from that cunt tree.

    • LesBontemps

      For God and Cunt Tree!

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      The tree of Cunt needs to be watered from time to time with the wine of coolers.

    • saysaysomething

      There is lots wrong with Bristol Palin and her hypocritical opinions, but that word is not ok. It's just not.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Lose the acorn?

        • Fare la Volpe

          Tree is highly offensive. We prefer the term Arboreal American.

          • And we condemn Mitt Romney for his Heightism!

  • OurHoboSenator

    Kids do better in a mother/father home? You mean like the one she and Levi have for little Tryptophan, right?

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      OHS for the winn.

    • didgen

      Clever! Thanks for the mental image.

  • Barb

    "I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers." ―Tina Fey, impersonating Sarah Palin

    Bristol's idea of engagement is showing a guy a positive pee stick result.

    Sarah's mother was pregnant when she got married, Sarah's sister was pregnant when she got married, Sarah was pregnant when she got married, Bristol was pregnant before marriage and Track's wife was pregnant when she got married. STFU on any opinion on "traditional marriage"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, pre-nuptial sex is obviously part of their family tradition.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Do they not have the pill in Alaska? Does it not work cause of the cold? I'm confused.

      • MissTaken

        They have it, but they call it by it's pharmaceutical name: ClearBlue Easy

        • I'm beginning to think they have "piss on the stick" parties.

          • Fairtackle

            I think they call that foreplay.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Or as they call them in Wasilla: "Sunday School."

      • CivicHoliday

        abstinence works!!!! derp

      • MosesInvests

        Nah, the cold makes them shiver, which causes the aspirin between their knees to fall out.

    • MadBrahms

      These all sound like cases of the sort of shotgun wedding where many of the attendees carry actual shotguns.

    • What else is there to do in Alaska but fuck and harpoon seals?! Wait, that's only one thing.

  • Baconzgood

    Moral authority Meter

    Prez with 2 daughters married for 20 years> Hill Billy 2 kids from 2 different men.

    • Huh? Did you go up there and knock Brisket up?!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Yeah, but Baconz was drunk (also), so he gets a pass.

        • Musta thought it was a package of bacon.

          • Baconzgood

            Trust me. She'll have another one soon.

    • mrpuma2u

      My moral authority meter says that comment is a win. I also agree that Bristol will crank out a few more, she should be listed as 2 kids and rising from 2 different men and rising.

  • kissawookiee

    we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home

    Motherboy XXX would like a word.

    • Crank_Tango

      you know it's not the band, right?

  • memzilla

    Oh, Waiter… there's too much vinegar on this word salad.

    • MoeDeLawn

      Waiter: "Sorry, ma'am. The Newman's is the salad dressing; I believe the Massengill came from your backpack."

  • "Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking," she continued, "but women should always remain in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant."

  • Arken

    It's not to hard to be married,
    It's much the simplest of crimes,
    It's not so hard to be married,
    I've done it three or four times.

    — Stephen Sondheim (still not legally allowed to marry)

    • LesBontemps

      But doesn't Sondheim live in New York?

      • Arken

        I don't really consider gay marriage being legal only in some states as truly being legal. For example, if I as a heterosexual man married a woman from another country, she could get legal residency and maybe a path to citizenship. If a gay man married another man from another country, that other man would not get the same privilege. The same man also couldn't file a joint federal tax return. Until that sort of thing changes, gay marriage is, at best, not ILLegal.

  • Fukui-sanYesRadio

    So the single mother abstinence-only advocate is now opining on the importance of a strong father figure?

    Next week on Irrelevant Dingbats In Opposite World, Casey Anthony explains the importance of being a breastfeeding stay-at-home mom

  • LettucePrey

    In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts

    Isn't that precisely what he did? Also, Glee sucks.

    Slide back into irrelevance, twunt.

    • GemlikeFlame

      Shaped their thoughts? Isn't that the brainwashing thing that the Russkies do? Sarah should know, she can see all things Russian from her house. Let's ask her.

      On the other hand, let's not.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    This troll has all of the charm of a used q-tip.

    • YasserArraFeck

      ear wax libel!!!

    • Crank_Tango

      My cat finds them delicious.

      • Cats are pretty strange. My neighbour's has just fallen in love with my gardening hat.

        • Did you rub valerian and catnip on it? That's a strange way to get some pussy!

          • I have no idea what's going on with that ancient pussy, but I took my hat off for a minute in the garden yesterday and man, she was ALL OVER it. She even bit me when I tried to rescue it. Fortunately, she got distracted by a butterfly or something. She was just about having sex with the damn thing.

      • Gunner Asch

        Which is how I discovered I shouldn't leave my hearing aids out on the desk.

        • ChessieNefercat

          My cats hate my hearing aids. Turns out, if I take them out (because I hate them too) and forget to turn them off, the kitties come over to bat the little things around, which causes high-pitched feedback, which the cats construe as an attack.

        • I haven't got to the "hearing aids" stage yet (I just don't take phone calls any more), but I'll remember that. Knowing these little bastids, they'll eat 'em, and then I'll have to pay an arm and a leg to get the damn things removed from their little innards.

  • metamarcisf

    Malia and Sasha would do well to take up some of Bristol's hobbies. Blowing a little dope never hurts.


    • Barb

      She's blown most of the dopes in Wasilla. Probably smoked some weed too.

    • LesBontemps

      Blowing a little dope was fine. It was fucking the little dope that got her in real trouble.

      • Yea, she really needed a good Catholic upbringing.

        • Is that what the kinder-gropers are calling it these days?

  • LesBontemps

    So sad for Bristle that teh gheyz ruined her hetero marriage.

  • bfstevie

    The Palins are truly America's first family of wisdom.

    • GOPCrusher

      Especially when it comes to matters of family planning.

  • GortRay

    Her daddy gave her real good advice on making prom-night toilet babies. Palin fambly values seal of approval.

  • Arken

    By the way, I'm not a Gleek myself, but how many gay marriages could a show about high school students actually have?

    • SorosBot

      But see, the show both teen gay male and lesbian couples and presents them as perfectly OK, and one girl who has two dads and turned out basically OK, although obsessed with Broadway.

    • AnAmericanInTO

      The only weddings on Glee have been hetero.

      Except for that time Sue Sylvester married herself.
      Now, there's something that Bristol can get behind.

  • Fox n Fiends


  • MEMO

    TO: Bristol Palin

    FROM: Actor212

    RE: 2008 Presidential Campaign

    No one believed for one minute that the First Dude was anything but arm candy for your politically slutty mom. We know who wore the pants in that marriage, honey.

    Also, shut up. Too.

  • BZ1

    has her mum's gift of the gab …

    • CommieLibunatic

      More like the Gift of the Blab.

    • Boojum

      Grift of flab?

    • Gab, not to mention writing skills. She managed to execute a plural possessive then immediately crashed on the simpler pronoun choice.

      D for effort, Bris … or perhaps you might prefer being graded in another way. We could hold up cards with numbers on them. Something you would understand from personal experience.

  • Eve8Apples

    "we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home"

    Bristol, honey, you grew up in a mother/father home and look what a big disappointment you turned out to be.

    • How can you say that???

      She's taken the fifteen minutes of fame gifted her by her mom and turned it into a further two minutes before withdrawing into oblivion!

      That's a thirteen percent return! She could open a hedge fund!

    • sullivanst

      Yes, "we" know, except those of us who've read the studies that say quite clearly that same-sex couples do at least as good a job (one study said a slightly better job) or parenting as mother/father homes.

      • SorosBot

        And, since gay couples can't have a baby by accident, every kid they raise is actually wanted, unlike say Bristol's mistake.

        • sullivanst

          Sounds like a good explanation for the "better" result.

          • The only reliable study I know of has a VERY small sample (and the authors themselves believe that the subject should be studied further before anyone makes pronouncements); however, it unequivocally showed far less child abuse in same-sex couples. And yes, the fact that every child a gay couple has is a *wanted* child might have a lot to do with that.

  • UnholyMoses

    "that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.”

    So Bristol and Blockquote (or whatever the hell her sister's name is) were put into arranged marriages because some guy's dad wanted his son to marry them and gave the Palin's a big chunk of change for the honor?

    Oh, wait … we stopped doing it that way some time in about the 19th century, despite that being how marriage worked for thousands and thousands of years.

    Seems as though Bristol sucks as much at basic history as she … well, sucks (winkwinknudgenudgesaynomore).

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Don't like her?! What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge… tracts of land."

      • Chichikovovich

        But I want to sing!

        • UnholyMoses

          Nononono … stop. Stop that!

    • Whatever

      Actually, you know… if she "sucked" more maybe she wouldn't have them there rug rats.

  • Eve8Apples

    "Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking."

    Levi responds, "True that bitch! My right ways of thinking says you should bring me a beer and suck my dick."

    • PlanetWingNut

      …why did that turn me on so????

    • YouBetcha

      Now if she had just listened to Levi with that instruction, she might not have gotten herself into her little predicament. Come on girls, FOLLOW THROUGH. You have to have some follow through.

  • OkieDokieDog

    I though Bristol's ghost writer was a lesbian? Oh well, maybe a member of GOPROUD or Log Cabin self-loathers.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Every time this stupid twat opens her piehole, all I can think of is that character Joy in My Name is Earl.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Joy was Madame Curie, Hillary Clinton, and Dr. Jill Biden all put together compared to Little Miss Twatwafflette.

      I wonder if her ghostwriter shows her the Pictionary version of her dumbass posts, or if Bristol is surprised every time to see what she "said" or "wrote."

    • tessiee

      Joy was pretty.

      • PlanetWingNut

        and Joy had a man be a father to her kids.

  • Baconzgood


  • meatlofer

    Father,Babies Daddy,Brother,son, Uncle,FUCK Bristol! It's all a house of Cards ,anyway!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Meghan disagrees, beeaaaaaaatch.

    For those of us who support gay marriage in America and believe it to be a civil rights issue rather than a political issue, not as much progress has just been made as it may seem.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Also, Megs didn't get knocked up as a teenager, so +1 for good decision-making.

      • That we know of. Rich people can cover that shit up, even if it becomes illegal for The Little People.

    • SolitaireRose

      Let's remember that to REAL Publicans, she's a traitor of some kind for saying something reasonable once. And her dad's a liberal.

  • Mahousu

    Bristol is right about one thing – Sarah Palin's problems have absolutely nothing to do with her listening too much to Todd.

  • timbo71351

    Seriously, who gives a rusty fuck what this dumb snowbilly thinks? If not for John McCain, she would be getting ready for her shift at the Wasilla Hooters.
    Fuck you, John McCain.

    • FNMA

      Hooters? Don't they have a Scores in Wasilla?

    • nonbeliever7

      No, thank you John McCain for the best comedic material we've had for a long time.

      Slightly O/T, but I hope you are all catching Julia Louis-Dreyfus do a great liberal version of snowbilly on Veep. Some of you do own TV's, right?

      • Fare la Volpe

        I didn't make enough money this year to pay taxes – what makes you think I can afford HBO?

        Please tell me Julia is awesome. I've wanted to watch Veep soooooo bad for soooo long.

    • SolitaireRose

      Oh, she's not pretty enough for that. She'd be working at one of her dad's hardware stores in Dillingham, hitting on the assistant manager so that she could get Saturday night off to watch the UFC with her baby daddy.

  • tihond

    Bristol is right. No lawmaker should be exposed to pop culture. Just look what happened to David Vitter after he watched "Look Who's Talking."

  • it’s a heroic act if the President made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters

    Yeah!! — Couldn't he have surrounded himself with wiser, more experienced advisers toward making such a ***game-changing decision*** affecting everyone? Oh, wait.

    • radio-of-owls

      So you're saying [sic] shes' angry that Barry didn't consult [sic] their [sick] mother, the Queen of All Grifters?

      • George Spelvin

        I assume the reference is to the alleged Palin "family council" that told Sarah-poo to go 'head and run for VP.

  • Serolf_Divad

    God bless you, Bristol, for continually reminding America what a pathetic, hypocrytical joke the Right is on this issue.

  • Baconzgood

    You know I think we have to give the lovely, talented, and humorous Kirsten Boyd Johnson a pat on the back for what she does for us. Think about it, she has to read this shit so we don't have to in order to lambast it.

    • KBoydJohnson

      I love when you butter me up.

      • I butter you up alla time, and you never talk that nice to ME!

        Now I has a sad.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Maybe if you used fresh creamery butter instead of just margarine she'd like you better.

          • Yeah, Wonkette ladies hate it when you're Oleaginous!

    • Steverino247

      She's already buying the beer tonight, dude. No need to butter her up some more.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Well said. I was gonna post and complain about why we have to read about this dumb bitch. But then I felt bad for poor Kirsten who has to WRITE about this dumb bitch. So I STFU instead.

    • HistoriCat

      Here Baconz – something to wipe off whatever that is off your nose.

      • Baconzgood

        I did it for the gratuitous up fists.

        Besides we have to show our over lords some props from time to time or else they will be like Ken and write stuff that makes us weep in a closet.

        • HistoriCat

          And now you've been upfisted again! You're welcome.

          • Baconzgood

            *rubs HistoriCat's belly*

            Such a good stinky butt kitty.

  • MissTaken

    Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking.

    Damn skippy, my Dad made sure I knew what and how to use birth control. Thanks Dad!

    • Baconzgood

      "Put a raincoat on it"

      -Baconz Ma-

      (Don't forget the moms out there)

      • proudgrampa

        "Wrap that rascal!"


        (And I am proud of you, Baconz, for not forgetting your ma.)

    • SorosBot

      But you didn't have a cute babby at sixteen thanks to dad!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        And just think of the money you could have made on DWTS and grifting Republicans if your Dad hadn't done that.

      • tessiee


    • I'm not sure how to take this, dear, but here's a hug.

  • raygotaway

    So is she saying Sasha and Malia should get knocked up at sixteen like her daddy let her get then pimp their kids out to reality tv then not let the daddy see them? Cause I'm
    confused about the daddy part of the ghostwritten bullshit?

  • elburritodeluxe

    Tell you what, kid. You don't give US advice on how to raise children properly and we won't give YOU advice on how to get drunk and pregnant in high school.

  • gullywompr

    Your mom lost, babe. Get over it.

  • Crank_Tango

    I thought Bristle caught the ghey from dancing with the famous? She pray it away or something?

    • OneYieldRegular

      She's displaying one monumental amount of ingratitude towards all the gay people undoubtedly involved in helping get that dancing gorilla on stage.

  • niblick77

    Bristol, what does your husband say? Oh, never mind, I assumed that since you had a child that…………..blah, blah, blah!

  • Goonemeritus

    Would it make her more comfortable to look at it as “Trial Gay Marriage”?

  • SorosBot

    "In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts"

    So Bristol thinks that not teaching your kids to be narrow-minded hateful bigots is somehow bad parenting?

    • sullivanst

      Because we all know that "actual" leaders help shape the thoughts only of their enlightened children, not the ignorant populace at large.

  • MadBrahms

    "…thousands of years of thinking about marriage."

    No. But who needs book learnin' and brain thinkin' when you can get money for popping out kids and telling other people not to?

    • iburl

      Thinkin? You ain't drinkin' (wine coolers.)

  • Nope, No Irony There At All – My Ready Room

    Wonkette is one of my go-to places for high-quality snark, and they don’t disappoint here. As for LaPalinette, one usually has to pull up some old Python episodes to see something that absurd.

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      FOUL! Blogwhoring. Five minute timeout.

      • Ouch! No harm meant.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          You're new around here, stranger, so we'll only angrily glare at you for a moment or two.

  • Not_So_Much

    Can someone please stop her orifices from making so much noise?

    • ChessieNefercat

      Any of 'em, all of 'em? Although I'm sure that is one of the things that made her the Belle of Wasilly!

  • DaRooster

    Well, hopefully the girls don't watch that "Dancing With The Stars" crap… man have you seen the friggin' idjits on that piece of turd.

  • rickmaci

    "…we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home.”

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Damn, laughing so hard I blew the coffee I was sipping as I read that out my nose.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And to follow up, Francesco Schettino will be offering President Obama navigation lessons.

    • Negropolis


  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "So let me get this straight – it’s a problem if my mom listened too much to my dad, but it’s a heroic act if the President made a massive change in a policy position that could affect the entire nation after consulting with his teenage daughters?"

    Actually, it would be a heroic act for anyone to listen to your mother. Now, please, go off in a corner somewhere and make busy doing something actually constructive.

  • sullivanst

    that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage.

    No, but wanting to shack up with your latest is beau is a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage, such as by inventing the notion that you can have a 30-day risk-free* trial.

    * Trial is not risk free. Number of babies conceived may go up as well as up. Invest at your own risk.

    • She denied it in her ghost-written blog, said the Enquirer made it up.

      • sullivanst

        Perhaps John Edwards will console her.


    Are we losing the War on the Clitoratti?

  • Was Bristol smirking when she was trying to chide President Obama for somehow being a bad parent?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Bristol doesn't understand gay marriage because, if you don't get knocked up, why would you ever get married?

  • Steverino247

    "Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking."

    Sometimes? Like when he's sober or after he gets back from getting ahand job at the local Steam and Cream?

    "In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee."

    Teenagers think? They act and react, mostly. The teenagers who can think usually don't forget the birth control multiple times.

    One of the President's daughters plays the flute. You suck them, Bristol. Now, go away!

  • Eve8Apples

    "In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee."

    Bristol — Since you are the United States' preeminent scholar on the topic of proper parental role models, I have a couple of questions for you.

    Which of your brilliant parents influenced your thought that it was a good idea to go camping with that idiot from Wasilla, get drunk on wine coolers and fuck him without using contraception?

    Mamma Grizzly likes to preach the virtues of abstinence only sex education. — Maybe she has watched too many episodes of The Waltons — Anyway, how is that working out for you?

  • LiberalMantra

    Here's the story,
    Of an ignorant snow bunny,
    Who was bringing up three very airheaded girls.
    All of them had bad grammar
    Like their mother,
    The youngest one in words.

    Here's the story,
    Of a man named Todd
    Who was busy with secession plans of his own.
    They never thought it was really odd,
    seeing Russia from their porch, but they were all alone.

    Till the one day when the lady met this fellow,
    and Alaska lost it's lunch.
    That this group,
    Must somehow pretend to be a family.
    That's the way we all became the Wasillia Bunch,
    The Wasillia Bunch, the Wasillia Bunch
    That's the way we became the Wasillia Bunch.

  • mormos

    Obama has ruined marriage for a lot of people, because your spouse will never be as awesome as Barack/Michelle.

    • proudgrampa

      Well, speak for yourself, buddy! Mrs. proudgrampa and I would disagree with you there!!!

      But I do agree that they are definitely a couple in love. Cool!

  • proudgrampa

    You know, Kirsten, giving Bristol all these column-inches in Wonkette just encourages her.

    Just sayin'.

    • Who will bravely step forward with a literate and witty retort vis-a-vis "giving Bristol inches"? Baconz?

      • proudgrampa


  • hagajim

    we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home No "we" fucking don't you stupid twunt! What "we" know is that children usually do better in a two-parent household, doesn't fucking matter what gender the fucking parents are. Christ!

    • finallyhappy

      So is Christ involved in this somehow? Because we're Jewish and I think our kids are ok.

      • Fare la Volpe

        So long as you're white, then you're gold!

        • "(Shaking cane) In my day, Jews were at best off-white!!"

      • hagajim

        In this case the term Christ was only to show my utter disgust for this idiot who somehow feels she is entitled to comment on something she obviously knows nothing the fuck at all about, so your Jewish families are all dandy by me.

        • finallyhappy

          I was just kidding- I know Christ was an expletive here. And my kids are ok but compared to bigmouth Bristol- they are Einstein and Ghandi

  • JustPixelz

    "Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking."

    Yeah … how's that workin' out for ya?

  • Guppy

    Unlike Malia and Sasha, Bristol's dad wants to overthrow the US government. So, yeah, people would be concerned with her mother sharing a bed with a traitor.

  • Redhead

    "Or that – as great as her [sic] friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home."

    So how's that mother/father-homey-thing working for YOUR kid, Bristol? Or does it count if you live with grandma and granddad and they pay all the bills?

  • Only graphic designers over the age of 35 will laugh when I say I'm Bristol bored.

    • HarryButtle

      I GET IT!

      -Harry Buttle, unemployed 46 year-old paste-up artist

    • ChessieNefercat

      And every parent that was ever told (the night before) that they had to come up with the mysterious "Bristol Board" for the science fair project and ended up taping shirt cardboards together and making the display that sagged over right into the baking powder/vinegar volcano and made all the other moms and dads laugh.

    • tessiee

      You were a Fine Arts major, and you actually got a job as a graphic designer?
      I'm too shocked to laugh.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Yeah, those kids are watching WAY too much of a show that makes people see EVERYONE has feelings and value and hey, we're not all that different. WHY would anyone let their kids have any exposure to that, when they should be in the woods making babies over wine coolers?

    MY problem with Glee is that they spend more GD show-tunes money on one performance than ANY public school district has in their entire budget. That show is "set" in Ohio.

    • You can't even say the word "Arts" in public schools in Ohio!!

      • FakaktaSouth

        Dude, I was at a Kindergarten orientation today (Kid 3, gettin' up and out! WOO, now I REALLY won't do shit all day) and the principal was BRAGGING about how we have art AND music AND 5 days of PE. And we were all, yes, yes, very nice, very lucky we are…

        • No Physics? No Advanced Calculus? Do you want the kid to be in the 99%?!

          • HistoriCat

            Trust me – Physics and Advanced Calculus is NOT going to get you out of the 99%.

          • Yep, you're prolly right.

            No Intro to Business Adminstration?! No Basics of Creative Finance?!

          • Fare la Volpe

            No Pink Slips 207?!

          • SorosBot

            No Theoretical Phys Ed?

    • GOPCrusher

      I have to admit, I've never watched Glee. But I do know that Brisket is full of shit.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I don't watch it that much myself, my alllmost 13yo LURVES it and it has taught my kid what it's like to have a crush on a gay guy who will never love her back the same way, because he's on tv, and gay in real life. But now she looooooves a gay guy, a fat girl, a black girl, a poor kid and a wheel chair kid – and sorry but even my Canadian show from nickelodeon – "you can't do that on television" didn't have all that and IT DOES normalize and then ELEVATE (they can all sing like crazy) these folks who are not society's idea of perfect. I know it's still crap too, but it ain't Mtv's Sweet Sixteen (gimme my car! or whatever terrible thing made BobCat Goldtwaith shoot that girl in that movie)

  • Billmatic

    Well at least we can all agree that Glee is ruining the country.

    • iburl

      At least ruining music, for sure.

      • SorosBot

        But it lead to the revival of Journey!

        • iburl

          Like I said…

    • poorgradstudent

      I'm still banking that the series finale will have Sue go all SAW on the rest on the cast.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Her writing style gives me a sad.

  • barto

    It would be super nice if Bristol would just, you know, STFU when it comes to marriage and child-rearing (and just 'bout any other subject, also too).

  • calliecallie

    This makes me a little sad, really, that John McCain didn't win in 2008 and die of a suspicious ailment shortly thereafter. Then we could have had the Snowbillies as our first fambly and Bristol's pronouncements would get so much more attention.

    Wait, what? Why do we care what this woman thinks about anything?

  • She would write more, but she's late for her audition with "North Pole Oil Depot Meth Moms" being developed for TLC.

  • Bristol Palin has weighed in – I'm still waiting on the Dali Llama and the Pope.

  • SenileAgitation

    "one too many episodes of Glee"? No Bristol. Either every episode is too many or you cannot have enough episodes. American is becoming a gay paradise, thanks to the Obama children, and we will need all the episodes of Glee we can stomach to understand this new way of life. But thank you for putting your new chin to the task of explaining what a good parent would do! I learned a lot!

    • SorosBot

      I disagree – every episode of Glee after season 1 has been one too many.

      The first season was actually good, though.

  • Gainsbourg69


  • mavenmaven

    Bristol's rants would have more moral authority if she delivered them while wearing her gorilla outfit from Dancing with the Stars.

    • Fare la Volpe

      That was an outfit?

  • OneYieldRegular

    "We know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home."

    Yet somehow, even in a "mother/father home," Ms. Palin offers proof positive that it's possible to grow up insular, ignorant, arrogant, dependent, hypocritical, and bigoted, and to accomplish all that before age 25.

  • finallyhappy

    I have not watched any episodes of Glee. Nate Silver was talking about gay marriage acceptance today on NPR and he did mention Glee and Modern family as factors – I think for younger people. For older people- death removes their homophobic beliefs – not exactly how Nate put it

  • iburl

    Bristol Palin 1862:
    "Blacks are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about Slavery"

  • In Bristol's defense, the post contains words in sentences using standard English grammar. Therefore, she not only couldn't have written it, but probably can't read it.

  • OldRedneck

    Bristol says a father shapes his kids' world view.


    Reviewing Todd Palin's kids tells us a lot about Todd.

  • owhatever

    So, Brisket, when did you become a marriage authority?

    • finallyhappy

      At the zoo today, I saw a stand called " Brisket Tacos"- I was confused then and more confused now(seems an odd food or too off-color for the zoo)

  • poorgradstudent

    So when will she be 1) giving up her child for adoption so it can be adopted into a stable one mother/one father situation or 2) marrying Levi?

  • Smithboy

    The official Palin response to gay marriage is…"Why isn't the president spending every waking hour devoted to starting a war with Iran rather than promoting marriage between people God hates?"

  • PhillipMarlowe6

    I need an aspirin.

  • rocktonsam

    I am praying that Todd and $$$$$arah'$ marrage survive this cuntundrum

  • tcaalaw

    I'm disappointed at the lack of ice dildo jokes based on the photo for this post. The Wonkettrati are getting soft!

    • tessiee

      Unlike Levi.

  • biblioteq_tress

    Well, now we know which of the Palin kids inherited her mom's brains! I mean, brain.

    • tessiee

      I think the word you're looking for is "brainette".

      • ChessieNefercat

        Neuron, singular?

  • miss_grundy

    But wasn't it her mommy and daddy that allowed her to have her boyfriend over to spend the night in her room? What were her parents thinking then? She had a trial marriage (engagement) to her baby-daddy, which didn't work out and now, that she's a big girl, she is trying the trial marriage thing again.

    I just love it when the Repubs version of logic runs right out and over them. It's so much fun!

    Perhaps, the message should be, if you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you as much as you love him/her, then you are a lucky duck. If there was more love in the world, it would be a better place.

  • OldWiseWizard

    Not that I'm bursting with respect for Bristol Palin, but I'd really hope that article was ghostwritten for her by some 84 year old dimwit who hasn't felt a tingle in his crotch since he threw coffee at Freedom Riders in the 60s. I'd like to think that sort of limply paternalistic talk could only come out of the mind of a bitter old dipshit attempting to write the dialogue for a young girl, Jack Chick style.

    • tessiee

      "I'd like to think that sort of limply paternalistic talk could only come out of the mind of a bitter old dipshit"

      You'd think, but Paul Harvey's dead.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Her ghostwriter is some right wing hack named Nancy French, who recently prattled away about herself on Bristol's blog as follows:

      "Are my husband and I Republicans? Yes. And we also love our little black child. I’m learning, for example, how to braid hair with colorful beads, I’m learning which colors look good against her chocolate colored skin tone, and I’ll teach her about her country of origin right after she learns her ABCs."

      "We love our little black child"? WTF? Not "we love our daughter"? The whole story was appalling and much the same victim-y fact free style as the current article on Brancy's blog.

      • OldWiseWizard

        Oh Lordy..thanks for the intel even though it did melt my brain a little. you half expect her to say "We compliment her on a frequent basis as not to stir up her angry jungle blood."

        • ChessieNefercat

          Not to melt your brain even more, but apparently this was in response to an article somewhere else wherein French was criticized for dressing her "little black child" in a shirt that said "I only cry when Democrats hold me." This of course was instantly transformed into "How dare you liberals pick on a little girl. Why, we love our little black child blah blah blah."

          And this horrid creature is of course best buds with the repellent Palins. Oh, and she ghostwrote Bristol's "book" (My Life as a Whore or whatever it was called).

  • tessiee

    Less polite version:

    Bristol, shut up. Just shut up.
    You're a white trash skank with a brain the size of a pea. Nobody cares what you think about gay marriage or anything else; and when you open your big, ignorant mouth, you just remind everybody that you couldn't force your baby daddy to marry *you*, despite the fact that his family is, unbelievably, even worse than yours.

    PS. You're also fat.

  • tessiee

    Polite version:

    Bristol, honey, sit down and be quiet.
    The Grownups are talking about something.

  • Negropolis

    Bristol, fuck you. Really, just fuck you. She is the very last person that should be talking about marriage as if it were a sacrament…so, of course, she's the one that has a whole lot of shit to say.

    Go away. Too bad your parents are trash. You've got two of 'em, a mommy and a daddy, and neither of them is worth a single shit. Sorry. Yeah, I'm being pesonal, but I haven't been this personally annoyed by a nobody in a very long time. Honestly, who the hell does she think she is?

  • DahBoner

    So let me get this straight…

    Oh, she's got something straight between her and her babydaddy before…

  • Jus_Wonderin

    What a fuckin' cunt!

  • mrsmacawber

    She offered her honor
    He honored her offer
    and all night long (in the tent)
    It was honor offer honor offer

  • "Sometimes a dad needs to impregnate his girlfriend on a hunting trip, get engaged for publicity, break it off, get reengaged for more publicity, record a terrible R&B music video with a senior citizen, run for mayor, move to LA to shoot, a reality tv show, and then write a tell-all book about the gross details of the lives of an increasingly loathsome family

    Besides, what would Sasha and Malia know? They're not moms".

  • ttommyunger

    So what? Who could possibly pay any attention to what this dumb twat thinks about ANYTHING? Oh, the Wonkette? Hmmmm.

  • Rowdy5000

    What about the moral injustice of her enormous head?

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