it's on or rather continues to be on

Now For A Collection of Insults Hurled At Fan Of Same-Sex Marriage Obama

God defines marriage as between one blonde man and one blonde woman

After a man went on television for a very low-profile announcement that he is now back to feeling about gay marriage the way he felt in the fun 90s, the world erupted in praise … and backhanded praise and faint praise and no praise AT ALL! You are surprised, we know. Jim Daly, the boss of some Christian society called CitizenLink, decided to put up this lovely picture of two blonde straight people marrying on his blog, Finding Home, a blog for those of all sexual persuasions who forget where they live after a night of drinking at a strip club. Elsewhere, the Log Cabin Republicans implied that if Obama was a real leader of America, he would be looking at his calendar and seeing that North Carolina just banned same-sex marriage the very day he decided he now supports same-sex marriage (again), and how rude of him to distract people from this step backwards with his two-or-so steps forward. Somewhere in a desert, probably completely unaware of Obama’s special time, Romney declared that same-sex marriage is not an “issue of significance.” Plus, Rick Santorum needs cash.

Here are some more fun words.

Rick Santorum (whose website reads THANK YOU. WE STILL NEED YOUR HELP. DONATE):

The announcement today by President Obama should come as no surprise to the American public. President Obama has consistently fought against protecting the institution of marriage from radical social engineering at both the state and federal level…Thankfully the American public, when it has had an opportunity to consider the real world consequences of such a fundamental change to our society, has consistently voted for maintaining one man one woman marriage – the basic building block of our society. I will continue to fight to make sure that the cultural elites don’t further undermine the institution that gives the best opportunity for healthy, happy children and a just and prosperous society.

Cue some cynic at the Daily Beast:

Denying marriage rights to same-sex couples inflicts real harm on real people, while doing nothing to prevent the deterioration of marriage among non-affluent Americans.

Presumably straight people are also being “socially engineered” to hate each other by…Obama? Cheetos? Buddhism?

CitizenLink, which is an affiliate of Focus on the Family, decided to just mainly talk about North Carolina’s “progress” yesterday and to just also politely add that anyone who agrees with Obama is basically A SHITTY CHRISTIAN:

This is obviously a hot-button political issue on which there is much disagreement nationwide, and people of good faith will come to different conclusions.

Here’s the always rewarding Bryan J. Fischer, a big shot at the American Family Association:

One guy looked it up in the dictionary and nope, Obama is wrong.

Even the dictionary, Webster’s Dictionary, says marriage refers to a male and a female.

— Pastor Jim Cookson of the National Avenue Assembly of God in Springfield, Missouri.

Jim DeMint has a super creative way of looking at this:

Log Cabin Republicans are pissed:

Log Cabin Republicans appreciate that President Obama has finally come in line with leaders like Vice President Dick Cheney on this issue, but LGBT Americans are right to be angry that this calculated announcement comes too late to be of any use to the people of North Carolina, or any of the other states that have addressed this issue on his watch. This administration has manipulated LGBT families for political gain as much as anybody, and after his campaign’s ridiculous contortions to deny support for marriage equality this week he does not deserve praise for an announcement that comes a day late and a dollar short.

“It’s sad when [Obama] can’t stand up and accept what the majority of the people desire.” — Tampa Bay pastor John Garcia. Heh, what majority is that?

Finally, we have pig Romney being interviewed somewhere in the desert on Wednesday afternoon, inadvertently telling us how he feels about same-sex marriage and two other issues: medical marijuana and tuition rates for undocumented children. After a mere two minutes, King Romney interrupts the lady reporter with this: “Aren’t there issues of significance that you’d like to talk about?” Well that clears that up. [Think Progress and many more]

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Liz is a writer. She has written for this site, evidently, and also The Awl, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR, The Economist and others. She is the author of a short story collection, Cover Story.

View all articles by Liz Colville

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119 comments

  1. anniegetyerfun

    The key to never forgetting where you live after a night of drinking at a strip club is simply to move into the strip club. That's my excuse, anyway.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      If republicans can marry, why can't gays? There isn't much of a any difference.

      fixed

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Both of you better take that back this instant, or I'll give you such a pinch.

        Then I'll shank ya.

        1. Oblios_Cap

          I thought one was shivved with a shank.

          In any event, I'll apologize for my cheap attempt at "humor".

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I will never understand the LCRs. They've been repeating that line of "changing the party from within" and blah, blah, blah for…what? 35 years? Has it changed the party? Is it changing the party? Evidence says no.
      I think they are just masochists who like getting boot-stomped by the GOP leadership, its moralizing bullies, and the GOP base. They love being told that they are nasty, sinful homosexuals who will eventually burn in hell.

  2. timbo71351

    All gay marriage means to me is I'll have to buy a few more crappy wedding presents in my lifetime. Methinks the people who worry way too much about it — I'm looking right at you Bryan Fischer and Rick Santorum — are overcompensating for something.

    1. HistoriCat

      They're just afraid their rent boys will stop giving away the milk for free … if you know what I mean.

        1. HistoriCat

          Maybe I should have gone with a Beyonce "If you liked then should have put a ring on it" joke instead …

    2. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      No shit. If straight folk haven't figured out by now that gay/les/bi/trans/queer folk are EXACTLY like them, except they like to fuck people with, you know, certain configurations of naughty bits, there is no fucking hope for the world. Because lemme tell ya, I live in the heart of Queerland, and have done for most of my life, and it's marriage, divorce, adultery, babies, custody fights (dogs, children, whatever's handy), spousal abuse, cheating, romance, all the same exact shit whether it's gay, straight, or in between we're talking aobut.

      Those who protest loudest are the ones who are afraid that everyone will notice there's something … queer … about them.

  3. littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, look it up! Marriage is between a man and a woman! And guilt-ridden sex is between a right-wing man and his poolboy!

  4. Barb

    Bristol Palin weighs in on her thoughts about marriage. My guess, 7 lbs 8 oz.

    She mentions Sasha and Malia in her Obama rant. I guess only Palin's children are off limits.

    1. Redhead

      Well to be fair, either of Obama's girls are more intelligent than all the Palins combined.

      1. Barb

        True that!

        I'm a little sick of all of the Palins, sitting behind a desk and adding their thoughts to social media sites and expecting that they should be heard. The U.S.A. has 300 million people and a Plain voice is no more important than the rest of us. Fuck her.

          1. Butch_Wagstaff

            A Palin mind is like a plain. A wide open plain. Filled only with air from a lonely wind.

    2. tessiee

      "Bristol Palin weighs in on her thoughts about marriage"

      "Thoughts"!
      AHAHAHA!!
      Oh, Barb, you slay me!

      Also, isn't that cute? Bristol is somehow under the impression that anyone cares what she has to say.

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      I love that the best man is leaning across the bride and inviting the groom to the turkish baths after the reception.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Brunettes are not worthy of marriage, as their hair has been darken by their sins.

    3. Butch_Wagstaff

      Also notice that there are some females who are wearing pink to designate that they are female instead of, y'know, drag queens who snuck in to try to ruin the hetero marriage by planning a cat fight at the reception.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Interestingly for me, the Rethug-assholes I know are handling this gay-marriage-we-are-all-human-beings-affirmation thing the same way they did the coming of Mitt as the nominee. They are screaming about PresO and the "political" aspect of this, but I have NOT seen a huge fuck the gays thing. It's just another way to hate on the man himself. It TRULY is coming around to 'everybody knows one of them gay-people and it's hard to really hate them so much' even here in Ala-Bible-stan-interracial-marriage-wasn't-voted-as-legal-til-2000-bama. (and only then by 60%). I fucking hate this place.

    1. JerkCade

      There are many lovely states to your north, northeast (and northwest if you can't stand the snow) that offer less humidity and more temperate polities as well. Join us!

    2. Oblios_Cap

      If it weren't for the Gulf Shore beaches, I wouldn't live in America's Dinghus™.

  6. tihond

    Marcus Bachmann doesn't know what the big deal is. He says gays have always been able to get married.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      OHOH! ME! I KNOW ONE! (jumping up and down, raising hand) and it's shocking, I know, but my friend is actually in Chicago, not Alabamastan, and he is an out and proud gay CATHOLIC Republican from a huge Spanish family, and it's all about the money for him. His partner has been working hard as he can on getting all that out of him, but I dunno…

    2. GOPCrusher

      Speaking of that, it would appear that the new meme this AM is that the President has now lost the African-American vote because he came out in support of gay marriage.

      1. doloras

        Yep, the blahs are now queuing up to vote for Romney, who has recognized them as actual human beings since 1979.

      2. Butch_Wagstaff

        A local station here did a story last night on the 11 o'clock snooze that used that exact spin. Of course, they interviewed a conservative pastor of a local church. Guess they couldn't find a pastor from the any of the openly progressive/liberal African-American churches in town to interview?

  7. SheriffRoscoe

    21st Century BC. I thought God was playing backgammon with Lucifer around that time and wouldn't think of creating the universe for another sixteen centuries. Hmm, gonna have to go back and check my young earth textbook 'Genesis.'

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Maybe it is a comment on the need for government sponsored birth control?

  8. CommieLibunatic

    I always assumed that money was the basic building block of our society. Tell me that I'm wrong.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I thought that sex was the building block of society…, or course, you need money for that.

  9. el_donaldo

    I don't get it. Christianity has a major franchise on birth, marriage, and death. Wouldn't gay marriage just expand their marriage business model? The other two pretty much are at market saturation.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      Not to mention all the gay households that are DINK (Double Income No Kids)? Lotsa money there to be grifted.
      But then again, what would you want to pay for first? A really nice kitchen mixer or wig for the preacher's wife?

  10. RadioRehab

    Thank you Joe Biden and Prez Obama for starting this. Watching these squirrels squirm is so enjoyable. I love the smell of hate balm in the morning.
    Oh yeah, and Bryan Fischer is that the same capricious wrathful god who flooded the earth because he was "mad" at the gheys or something?

    1. Billmatic

      Joe Biden dragged our worthless president kicking and screaming into this, so don't give Barry too much credit.

      1. proudgrampa

        You know, I wondered about that, but I think this is all fairly calculated. I don't think Joe started this without the White House knowing about it, in spite of reports to the contrary.

      2. Chichikovovich

        Come on. There is no way this wasn't planned and coordinated. Biden and the Ed. Secretary just happen to make announcements like this at the same time. A couple of days to see how it plays, and then Obama wheels out a well-timed, crafted statement. During the week, not on Friday afternoon, to get max exposure.

        The assumption, I would guess, (a fair assumption, I think) is that anyone whose support for Obama would be significantly weakened by this is someone who wouldn't have voted for Obama anyway. Meanwhile, it forces Romney to keep taking a hard line on gay-kicking, which he was clearly preparing to shake the etch-a-sketch on, to manufacture the new, "moderate" Mitt.

  11. Oblios_Cap

    We're running out of second class citizens to demonize. Whatever will become of American Exceptionalism?

  12. MissTaken

    Wow! Until I heard from Santorum and Fischer on this I thought same sex marriage was A-OK. Thank goodness they spoke up to set me on the right track!

  13. GuyClinch

    Oh come on. Everybody knows that Obama's only supporting gay marriage in order to cynically continue the expansion of freedom that is America's promise and to stand with those on the right side of history and because it's the right and moral and ethical thing to do. Typical Kenyan Muslim.

  14. tihond

    Jeff Gannon: "What next, Is Obama just going to start letting uncredentialed gay reporters ask softball questions in press conferences?"

  15. Billmatic

    Oh no! Now all these people won't vote for Obama! He really should be more serious about serving them and courting their vote. FOR SHAME OBAMMY.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      God, I had almost forgotten about DijonGate.

      What the fuck, conservatives? What the flippity fuck?

  16. Doktor StrangeZoom

    See also the pissing contest at Pharyngula, where they are not only unimpressed by Obama's timid step toward marriage equality, they are actively telling anyone who suggests it was a cautious step in the right direction to go fuck themselves, because Obama Didn't Fix Everything Right Now, Dammit, and He's Not Helping. I sympathize with the anger of anyone who is outraged that civil rights can be put to a vote, but I don't know that an "I'm more progressive than you" fight really accomplishes much.

    1. el_donaldo

      I stopped hanging out at Pharyngula long ago – at first the hostility against dumbfuck religiosity was invigorating, but eventually it dawned on me that the hostile groupthink in the comments was pretty much a juvenile reaction against anything that couldn't be quantified or wasn't Battlestar Galactica.

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Sample:

        So go right fucking ahead, and make this issue about the president’s poor fee-fees. Obviously, gently encouraging him to feel better about LGBTQ people is SO much more important than the millions of people like me and my parents. Because if one bigot makes some tentative steps towards being nicer to LGTBQ people, that’s soooo much more fucking important than silly, trivial little things like government policy. You must have a lovely view from that ivory tower of yours.

    1. timbo71351

      The drug addled lardass said that Obama declared war on marriage. As it has been widely noted on the Interwebs, none of his four wives have weighed in on the topic.

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Please, Rush had to marry that many women to save them from becoming gay. It's not like he enjoys being married. It's his duty.

  17. IncenseDebate

    The two guys in the background look very happy together. The ones behind the trees over there. Probably talking baseball.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Has anyone blamed 9/11 on President Obama's endorsement of gay marriage yet? The LORD knew this was coming you know — that's why He lifted His veil of protection.

    Also, the Log Cabin Republicans can go fuck themselves. Where was their advocacy of gay marriage or their protest against the NC constitutional amendment? Yeah, didn't think so.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      In their defense — and I hate defending the LCR — they were instrumental in getting DADT overturned (see Log Cabin Republicans v. United States) only because the Human Rights Campaign was too chicken shit to take the risk.

      That's about all they've ever done, though, so I'm not sure how much it makes up for their general obnoxiousness.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Well they're officially disqualified for invoking Dick fuckin' Cheney, who wouldn't give a shit about gay marriage if it didn't involve his precious how-dare-John-Kerry-mention-she's-gay daughter. If Mary Cheney could've gotten gay married and nobody else was allowed to, that would've been just fine with ol' Dick.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          That's what I always hate so much about conservatives — with them it's always fuck you, I've got mine. They feel no shame damning millions of people to whatever fate throws at them, but the minute either they or one of their family is faced with the same struggle, suddenly they give a shit about the issue.

          Sarah Palin voted to defund special education in her city right up until her little angel was born, and which point she acted like she was some fucking saint for finally giving a damn about the r-words. Conservative selfishness never ceases to astound me. I always thought Maggie Thatch was just being a stone-cold bitch when she said "There is no society; only individuals and families" but now I realize it really is how these people view the world.

  19. Not_So_Much

    I'm not sure what it is, but it seems like all these people have a certain something in common?

  20. mookwrthwilson

    That one guy needs a new dictionary:

    Websters online says:

    (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage>

  21. Fare la Volpe

    You know who else thought homosexuals were a threat to traditional families?

    1. el_donaldo

      Caligula? No, wait. Alexander the Great? Um, no not him either. I'm going to have to go with Genghis Khan.

  22. DaRooster

    How can Repugnants get away with calling something like "Meh, it doesn't matter to me if two people that are in love marry each other" into "I think ONLY gay marriage should be recognized… abolish all man and woman marriage NOW!"?

    1. tessiee

      Remember that thing we talked about?
      About some so-called "human beings" being ot-nay oo-tay ight-bray?

  23. Redhead

    Is Bryan Fischer that one guy at FotF who HASN'T gotten caught with an underage rent boy yet? It's so hard to keep them all straight.

  24. kissawookiee

    Even the dictionary, Webster’s Dictionary, says marriage refers to a male and a female.

    — Pastor Jim Cookson of the National Avenue Assembly of God in Springfield, Missouri.

    Weird. I just looked in the dictionary, Webster's Dictionary, and it says "unrelenting goatfucking bigot" refers to Pastor Jim Cookson. Maybe his edition is out of date?

  25. smitallica

    Remember, had Obama done this the day before the NC amendment vote, he would still have been black.

  26. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I don't know what all the hubbub is about. They have had homosexual marriage in Kenya for years.

  27. ttommyunger

    I blame the gheys for destroying my first marriage of fifteen years, and now I feel the foundations of my current 32 year-long union failing…..The Horror, the horror….

  28. bobloblawlawblg

    "21st century BC: time of Sodom and Gomorrah."

    He's coming dangerously close to saying the world existed for a while before Jesus. Darwinist d-bag.

  29. arihaya

    any gays who vote for Romney might as well driving pink car half-naked in Mississippi yelling "I'm Gay", as these acts will be less self-harming.

  30. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

    These people just long for the return of the hallowed days of their youf. Just look at that pic. Who dresses like that any more, or wears their hair that way? Your fucking grandpa ninety years ago, that's who.

    Jezus fucking J.H. Christ on a pogo stick! In their world, everybody is white and blond and slim, not the porkers of today on their Rascal Scooters paid for by Medicare with their acned screaming broods of spoiled teens glued to their iPods and iPads and video games.

  31. Dildeaux

    Prediciton: mittbot soils his magic underwear half an hour into the first debate with President Obama. Media decries liberals shrill for making mitty go poopy.

  32. DocChaos

    There goes Obama, spiking the football on gay marriage. Real heroes don't go on TV and tell everybody what they did.

  33. ChrisM2011

    Being a Log Cabin Republican is equivalent to chickens giving Col. Sanders a handjob (Which is extra icky considering he's dead.)

  34. Tricky_Dick

    This is the Crate & Barrel lobby at work. They put pressure on the Kenyan to say he's in favor of homos marrying. Sales are down cause of the recession and these corporate bitches know that the gays like place settings. What has this world cum to?

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