exit stage right even!

Colorado House Speaker Has Clever Solution To Killing Civil Unions: Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here

It was really jackrabbity :(Why won’t the Colorado legislature vote on questions of significance instead of these silly old civil unions, and the DREAM Act, and medical marijuana? That is what Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty wanted to know after some of his fellow Republicans voted to let a civil unions bill out of committee and to the floor for a vote. With just hours left in the session, McNulty thought fast and came up with a clever solution: he would go for a walk and never come back and nobody could vote on anything ever again! But how was it the Democrats’ fault? Because they did not pass civil unions three years ago, when they held both chambers and the governor’s office, and before there was such a groundswell for marriage equality, so too late, said some people! But what kind of fun parliamentary games did McNulty and his fellows play? All of them, Katie!

From the Colorado Independent:

“Let’s be clear, the Democrats are playing procedural games to place one bill over all the others,” [Colorado Springs' Mark Waller] said.

“Isn’t a filibuster a procedural game to kill that one bill?” asked a reporter.

Waller didn’t respond. Republicans had been denying for hours that they were filibustering, even as Rep. Bob Gardner, R-Colorado Springs, read whole sections of text into the record, calling out punctuation marks, and Rep. David Balmer, R-Centennial, railed theatrically about how school lunch regulations amounted to a step on the road to Nazism.

So you can see how McNulty was forced by the partisan games of vicious Democrats to just cold go out for a pack of smokes, never to be heard from again.

As the recess stretched on and reporters tweeted updates on McNulty’s alleged whereabouts, lobbyists for all variety of bills paced outside the chamber, furiously tapping at their mobile devices.

A major water bill sponsored by Republican Senator Scott Renfroe died, as did a controversial high-profile bill that would have established legal limits for driving while under the influence of marijuana. [...]

According to some of the capitol reporters’ minute-to-minute digital dispatches, McNulty at one point was on a walk outside the capitol, then he was allegedly in the hallway outside his office conferring and drinking scotch with Gov. John Hickenlooper, a civil unions supporter, who came to the capitol at 10 p.m. to try and broker a deal.

And then he was hiking the Pike’s Peak trail, and then he was at the convenience store for some Ho-Hos, and then he took some skinheads bowling, and then he was in the rest stop men’s room off 287, and then he went to Red Rocks to catch a killer Yanni show, and then he was totally boning your mom, and she didn’t really like it. Frank McNulty is a busy guy. [ColoradoIndependent]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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104 comments

  1. Barb

    He went with John Travolta to a masseuse. Some men just make better decisions after they've been "touched around the anus." Taint no big deal.

  2. widestanceromance

    Looking at that face gives me a tingle all the way down my leg (because it really wants to become a kick).

  3. Serolf_Divad

    Fucking Democrats! Why can't they get the GOP to do the right thing? That's it: I'm voting for Romney!

      1. Judith_Priest

        Norquist has basically announced that all the GOP wants for a President is a guy with a hand, who can hold a pen, and sign things Norquist wants.

        “All we have to do is replace Obama. … We are not auditioning for fearless leader. We don't need a president to tell us in what direction to go. We know what direction to go. We want the Ryan budget. … We just need a president to sign this stuff. We don't need someone to think it up or design it. The leadership now for the modern conservative movement for the next 20 years will be coming out of the House and the Senate.”

        All hail our true king!

        1. Geminisunmars

          In fact, the less he/she/it thinks the better. Just like the good ole days (2001-2009).

        2. HistoriCat

          Dear God – hi, how are you? Hope things are going well. I know I'm not big on praying but I thought maybe we could work something out. If you can get Grover Norquist to slip while in his bathroom and have him drown in his bathtub, I will sell all my worldly possessions and devote the remainder of my life to good works.

          I know you're not so much into the smiting thing anymore but have you listened to this asshole? Pretty sure you would be willing to make an exception.

        3. GOPCrusher

          I've said it before and I'll say it again, if we had a real Free Press in this country, Mr. Norquist would have been the subject of a 60 Minutes investigative report and have either been incarcerated at best, pushed off into the dustbin of history at worst.

  4. AddHomonym

    … railed theatrically about how school lunch regulations amounted to a step on the road to Nazism.

    First they came and gave us sloppy joes and I did not speak up …

        1. Chichikovovich

          In fact, the original first draft had the line:
          "While I nodded, clearly fapping, suddenly there came a tapping,"

    1. LesBontemps

      Doesn't that mean fapping? I thought it meant fapping. It's always about fapping. Fapping or buttsechs.

  5. Goonemeritus

    So no civil unions but you can still drive stoned off your ass on chronic. All in all it was a mixed day for democracy.

  6. Baconzgood

    Red Rocks to catch a killer Yanni show? First of all Yanni can't put on a killer show. And second Yanni played pittsburgh yesterday. I know this because I tried to file an injunction to get him to not play.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      My mother hates you.

      Ben Folds is playing Heinz Hall on the 25th. If you don't go, I hate you.

      1. Baconzgood

        Yeah. I'm probally going to see Ben Folds. Although it will be wierd seeing him not in a smokey club.

          1. Baconzgood

            Sadley no. But the reopened up the James St Tavern. And get this. FREE SHOWS. All of em.

          2. James Michael Curley

            What with Primanti’s franchised all over the place and now St. James Tavern – every great place is being franchised into plasticland. Next you’re going to tell me Isley’s is in Walmarts. You know how hard it is to get a Noo Yawk deli clerk to do Chipped Chopped Ham?

  7. Oblios_Cap

    he would go for a walk and never come back

    Everybody's got a hungry heart. Even the GOP.

  8. V572 Is this him?

    What a surprise that a rep from Colorado Springs would demonize the Demoncrats. They know their demons in "Little London."

    Gardner graduated from the United States Air Force Academy in 1976, and served as a missile launch officer in the Air Force. While an Air Force officer, Gardner earned a J.D…specializing in government procurement law. After earning his law degree, Gardner served in the Judge Advocate General's Corps….After leaving active duty in 1989 at the rank of lieutenant colonel, Gardner became an attorney in private practice, specializing in government contract law, representing public contractors and charter schools. He served on the board of Cheyenne Mountain Charter Academy, which he helped found, from 1994 to 1997 and on the board of the Colorado League of Charter Schools Legal Advocacy Fund. He continues to operate a private law practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado, specializing in government affairs and contracts, business and commercial law, and campaign and election law.

    In other words, he had enough free time in his missile silo to earn a law degree, then moved over to the cushier life of a JAG officer, only made it to LtCol, so went to work for defense contractors where he could use his government-paid-for expertise in procurement law to suck down more tax $$$ while simultaneously trying to destroy public schools by starting charters.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      And now you know why I went USAFA JC and got the hell out of that place with as much sweet, socialistic gubbermint education as I could get (and with 1/2 a 2nd Looies 's pay!) before the commitment came due. And that was in 78, before the neo-nazis really took over.

      1. V572 Is this him?

        As a former AF officer who became a defense contractor myself, I’ve earned and deserve the same contempt I express for Gardner. Self-hate: it’s revivifying!

        1. not that Dewey

          Key difference: you're not actually destroying public schools and hating gays. (right?)

          1. V572 Is this him?

            Did my share of destruction while attending public schools, but they somehow survived my bad attitude and ball-busting questions. As for teh Ghey, now that Barry loves them, everyone else has to as well. Sharia law, dontcha know…

    2. George Spelvin

      If those dates are correct, that's almost weird — he made Jr Chicken in 13 years and then got out?

      1. V572 Is this him?

        Academy grads get all the preferences in all the services, for better or ill.

  9. Oblios_Cap

    I would look for him at Ted Haggard's house. He's probably letting the good pastor snort some meth off of his ass between bonings.

  10. sullivanst

    then he took some skinheads bowling

    Ahhhh… he must've just gone home for lunch. I heard everybody's doing it these days.

  11. Not_So_Much

    Maybe Captain Courageous here just really, really couldn't get the sand out of his vagina? Nobody wants to sit in chambers when they're chafing.

  12. JustPixelz

    Yet another Repubican who thinks he's a fictional character: The Invisible Man. Much like Newt as Simon LeGree, Sarah Palin as Wicked Witch of the West, Christine O'Donnell as Wicked Witch of the East, Dick Cheney as Iago. And Mitt Romney, who thinks he's a real boy.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "Dick Cheney as Iago". Naw, Iago is actually quite charming (or can be, if he's played that way – see Kenneth Branagh) – that's how he gets much of his deceit accomplished.

      I'm thinking Cheney is more Richard III. Except his soul is more warped. And he remembers not to forget any nails.

  13. SayItWithWookies

    How brave — he must feel like he's a veritable Audy Murphy of civil rights. Or — um — whatever the other side's equivalent of Audy Murphy would've been.

  14. not that Dewey

    I like this idea of transforming the filibuster into "all republicans just get up and leave". We could get a lot more done that way.

  15. Exhausted66

    “Let’s be clear, the Democrats are playing procedural games to place one bill over all the others,”

    I think that makes them Power Tops, no?

  16. Geminisunmars

    By the way, Gov Hickenlooper has called for a special session. Maybe McNulty will deign to show for that.

  17. owhatever

    Out here in Colorado, I wake up in the fresh, cool morning and look to the west to make sure the snow-covered Rockies have not moved, have my coffee, then check on what the crazy Colorado Republicans have done in the past 24 hours to protect us from everything the Founding Fathers did not specifically write in the Bible. It's a dang circus every day. I luvz my Colorado,

  18. OneYieldRegular

    "…a controversial high-profile bill that would have established legal limits for driving while under the influence of marijuana."

    I bet the Colorado Highway Patrol is wildly in favor of this just because it'll give officers the chance to pull people over and say, "You're one toke over the line. Sweet Jesus."

  19. Come here a minute

    …Republican Senator Scott Renfroe died…

    Due to the Wonket Rules for Radical Commenting Radicalization, I cannot comment.

  20. jzgplj

    There's no apostrophe in Pikes Peak. Just sayin'…and by the way, this guy is a dickhead.

  21. Antispandex

    "Went for a walk", is GOP speak for "I needed a little public restroom break…but not here, what with all of the reporters and stuff".

Comments are closed.