Take her, please.

Who was so excited to learn that Michele Bachmann is now the proud owner of a Swiss passport? The seven thousand belligerent tipsters who wrote in DEMANDING IN THE STRONGEST POSSIBLE TERMS AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF HORRIFIED OUTRAGE FROM YOUR WONKETTE ARE VERY EXCITED. Do you know that this all-caps screaming sometimes makes your Wonkette slightly less inclined than normal to type up a dumb thing about Michele Bachmann? Anyway, here is our official position: Your Wonkette expresses its profound condolences to Switzerland in light of its recent acquisition of loudmouth nutjob Michele Bachmann to its citizenship rolls. She is a well-to-do lady who is very adept at wheedling money out of the government to buy herself expensive homes, so watch out for her, Switzerland. She is already trying to butter you up.

From the Boston Globe:

Bachmann’s polite appraisal of the [Swiss] parliamentarians contrasted with strong statements she made throughout the presidential campaign, when she criticized President Obama for policies she labeled socialist. The Social Democratic Party “has governed Switzerland as part of a grand coalition since 1959,” according to Encyclopedia Britannica.

Unlike Bachmann, the party “supports an extensive government role in the economy,” Britannica says.

Bachmann uttered nothing but pleasantries during her television interview, saying “it’s tough to find a place not to like in Switzerland.”


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  • Barb

    She hates Obamacare and she moves to a country that has mandated health care?

    I wonder if she is doing this in the hopes of alpaca farm subsidies in Switzerland?

    • I hear the alpacas refuse to have anything to do with her ever since she tried to kiss that one live on the teevee.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq


        • You just HAD ta out me, din'tcha? I'm'a tell Michele, she'll kick yo' ass.

      • redarmyzombie

        In fairness, she bears a remarkable likeness to the Living Dead.

        • It's the crazy eyes. The pod-person look.

          • redarmyzombie

            Just sayin, if that Bachmann thing came at me with her mouth wide open, I'd have very serious concerns of the Zombie Apocalypse coming upon us…

          • And the AlpacaLips. (Thanks, MosesInvests!)

          • 12X34X

            The Alpacapocalypse.

          • Paca-poca-POW-POW-POW!

            Also too Glico Pocky!

      • MosesInvests

        A sign of the Alpaca Lips?

        • tessiee

          This is so full of win that it makes up for having to picture Michele Bachmann kissing any ONE or any THING.

        • Oh groan! Actually, you deserve a gold star for this, but CRE_ature is the keeper of those.

          • MosesInvests

            I'd settle for a bigger p-ness. I've been stuck at 83-maybe I should go to one of those sites that my spam filter normally catches?

          • Hey! You just hit 84! Whatever you're doing, it's working. I never could figure out what makes it work, but it seems to be a combination of (1) following other people (2) getting other people to follow you (which kind of pretty automatically happens when YOU follow THEM, of course, and it makes sense that the SW is designed to reward community involvement); number of responses to your comments; and number of upfisties you get, now that we no longer have downfisties.

            But then again, I'm not a very observant soul, so there's that.

    • memzilla

      Every foster child you adopt in Switzerland gets you a free bank account!

      • Yeah, but then, you get the child, too. I mean … it's hard to enjoy your free bank account with all the screaming.

    • Redgyal

      She's not moving. Just getting dual citizenship. Not a big deal.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Right. Let Obama get a dualie, and you're in for an F5 right wing shitstorm.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          But, doesn't he already have dual citizenship with Kenya, Indonesia and Hawaii?

          • That's more than duo, baby.

          • Boojum

            And Russia, Socialististan, and Ubekibekibekistanstan.

      • spareme

        Well, shit.

        • Redgyal

          Need a toilet???

  • nounverb911

    Can we deport her now?

    • Mittens Howell, III

      She self deported.

      • IndianaKevin

        Just change the national locks once she's out.

    • savethispatient

      Only if she formally renounces her US citizenship – while technically "becoming a naturalized citizen of another country" is grounds for losing citizenship, it's not enforced. Yet another Obama failure!

      • Terry

        It's Marcus that's more in danger of losing his US citizenship. Would he use this as an excuse just to get away from her?

      • Tell that to all those dual-citizenship Israeli-Americans.

        • flamingpdog

          See savethispatient above. Except for the yet another Obama failure part!

          • Sigh. So Slovenian/Israeli/American dentist/realtor/karate black belt Orly Taintz can run for office without showing HER long form birf certificate, but teh Blah Guy? Man, teh Blah Guy couldn't win this if he tried with both hands AND a flashlight.

        • MosesInvests

          Israeli citizenship is granted automatically-there's no naturalization, therefore US citizenship isn't imperiled.

          • It's that whole thing about jus solis vs. jus sanguinis,yaknow? Different countries do it different ways.

          • MosesInvests

            Just a point of information. And not all of us are Orthodox/settler/right-wing nutjobs.

          • I'm well aware of that. Some of my best friends, and et cetera. In fact, some of my best friends hate some of my other best friends because their degree of Jewishness is suspect (they don't maybe keep glatt kosher), and besides I have yiddischkeit.

            It's a tough line to tread.

          • Boojum

            Is glatt kosher those little wieners in a can or the other thing?

          • The other thing.

      • sullivanst

        Guess we'll just have to content ourselves with burning her then.

        Oh well!

  • Why doesn't Michele Bachmann love America?

    • Come here a minute

      … but Switzerland does.

    • America keeps making out with all Michele's boyfriends, is why.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The only thing Michele has in common with the Swiss is the fact that her brain resembles their cheese.

    • SigDeFlyinMonky

      Seso como queso, como queso suizo.

    • Discerning mice turn their collective nose up at it, nevertheless.

    • flamingpdog

      On the other hand, their army knife imbedded in the top of her skull would cause little, if any damage.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Don't forget, she is cuckoo like a clock, also.

    • It's not just her brain – there are way too many holes on that woman's body too.

      • Boojum

        Um, ew?

    • Boojum

      Mad Cow Libel!!!

  • ChernobylSoup

    Her logic is full of holes. You need a multi-function handheld tool to get to the center of it. Anyway, I hear she steals all her ideas from Jews and just locks them away.

    • The Jews? Or the ideas? With her it's kinda hard to tell.

      • Tiny Jews live in her head. When they tell her Swiss chocolate is "to die for, bubbeleh", it's the word of God suggesting she go to the source.

    • MosesInvests

      Well, that should make her fit right in with the Swiss, who steal their money from Jews (who were murdered by the Nazis).

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Swiss Barmy Wife.

    • ChessieNefercat

      clap clap clap!!!

    • How I long for the double upfistiness~!

    • MosesInvests

      Well played!

  • nounverb911

    I hope she's allergic to chocolate.

    • More heartfelt prayer was never uttered.

      OK, maybe the guy in that Alzheimer experiment shark movie who was smoking near the supershark tank when the shark took his arm off. You just know he would've given his other arm for one last drag.

    • Toomush_Infer

      It's that Swiss Bachman Chocolate….

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Quick! Close the borders!

    • Can we wait till we're SURE she's out first?

      Otherwise this is JUST like those horror movies where the stupid girl/boy comes home and locks the door and the serial killer is in there already.

      • Fare la Volpe

        "…Billy? ….Are you in here? ….I'm gonna strip naked and take a shower."

        • STOP IT, you tasty little morsel, we're tryin' ta FOCUS heah.

          • HistoriCat

            Was that a noise in the basement? Someone should go look … but the light bulb is out. Can you change it while you're down there?

          • Oh-ho-ho, like I'm GOIN' down there, you overfed pile of fluff. Don't think I haven't seen what you kittehs do in those horror movies. I watched Alien at least a dozen times, yaknow.

          • Fare la Volpe

            When my friends and I were about 10, we were convinced that Jonesy the Cat was in on the alien attacks the whole time, and played out elaborate scenarios wherein he was revealed to be the true villain all along. "Feed me Whiskas instead of Fancy Feast, will you? TASTE MY WRATH."

          • Me LIKEY! Those little fuckers would sell the whole damn human species out for a better brand of cat food!

  • Fairtackle

    I guess we know who wears the lederhosen in that family…

    • ChessieNefercat

      I believe Marcus is the one that wears the dirndl.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        He's got the cleavage for it.

  • somewhere, lady marcus weeps quietly as he shovels funyons into his quivering mouth. crumbs gathering on his snug lederhosen. he thought he had found freedom.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more spam filters.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You would think they would be smart enough to have all the wonketeers on their bock list.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    This makes me wonder how much Switzerland pays for foster children.

    • They're soshulists, so, more obvy.

    • emmelemm

      To support them, or to have them ground up and put in pill form?

      • Oh god human flesh pills. I knew they'd show up in teh Wonketz eventually.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Obviously Minnesota isn't white enough for her.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Switzerland, Land of Cuckoo-Clocks. And Michele Bachmann.

    • Boojum

      Cuckoo-Clocks and Cuckoo-Cunts.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If only we had listened to Michele Bachmann about foreigners bringing their agenda to our government, we wouldn't have Michele Bachmann bringing her foreign agenda to our government.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Michele picked a country that really appreciates a Cuckoo.

    The jokes write themselves, people.

  • Mittens Howell, III


    Shit. Here comes Marcus.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Has Switzerland settled on an official language yet? Maybe Michele can help them out with that one.

  • lefty74

    Fuckin' Big Eddy is going to throw that bitch into the meat grinder tonight on his show. Actually master debating to be the president while being processed for dual citizenship to a country with Obamacare type health care. Holy fucking shit!

  • DaRooster

    The Swiss constitution has laws protecting gay rights…

    You are welcome Marcus.

  • ph7

    Cuckoo Clock Version 2.0

  • savethispatient

    ♫♩♪ The hills are alive with the sound of right-wing talking points ♫♩♪

  • bumfug

    Wait til she finds out that edelweiss is gay.

  • mavenmaven

    She'll fit in well with their extremist anti-muslim groups.

  • Schmannnity

    Swiss Miss Instant Cookoo.

    • iburl

      Yodel ghey he woo!

  • DaRooster

    HEIDI!!! DON'T DO IT!!!

  • Nostrildamus

    Yay! Now we're only half to blame.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Is this more irony?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, she is doing this just for the access to the cheap drugs and easy access to heroin.

    • Listen, she's Michele Bachmann. She NEEDS access to cheap drugs. LOTS and LOTS of cheap drugs.

      Also, too, heroin.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Serious question, can she stay on the Intelligence Committee with dual citizenship/loyalties?

    I can't find an answer, possibly because swearing an oath of citizenship to another country while serving as a member of Congress has not previously been an issue we had to deal with. Or felt we had to anticipate.

    She had best not open her piehole about President Obama's not being as American as most yodeling Swisstians or whatever they are called.

    • iburl


      • That would be Marcus.

        • Boojum


    • What they're *going* to be called ever after if they let her into the country is dumbestfuckingassholesontheplanet. Geezus. You'd think she would have immediately taken steps to avoid this exact issue. Whatta maroon.

      • redarmyzombie

        Expect declarations of national emergency in 3,2,1…

    • savethispatient

      By the sounds of the article, it seems like she was granted citizenship automatically on the basis that she's the wife of a citizen. As she had no say in matter, per se, I'm sure she can carry being on the Committee. Also, I don't think anyone is seriously doubting her loyalties.

      • sullivanst

        Via Politico:

        “Congresswoman Bachmann’s husband is of Swiss descent, so she has been eligible for dual-citizenship since they got married in 1978. However, recently some of their children wanted to exercise their eligibility for dual-citizenship so they went through the process as a family,” said Bachmann spokesperson Becky Rogness.

        Makes it sound a bit more active, now, doesn't it.

        • What do those kids know that we don't know?

          • sullivanst


            We'd all like outs in case Rmoney wins, but not all of us are fortunate enough to be half-furrin.

          • mnotrtoo

            Right! Their 440children in Morman Tabernacle-like harmony, "Mom is a serious candidate for president? Can we option out of this situation?!!!" (I know, not good with lyrics)

      • More fool they, wouldn't you say?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        She has not demonstrated loyalty to sanity for decades.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Ole Crazy Eyes should have had to face the House Ethics Committee for telling citizens they didn't have to answer the US Census in 2010. She got away with that one, too.

    • biblioteq_tress

      I don't know for sure, but I doubt it. While it is not unheard of for dual citizens to have clearances– Werner von Braun, anyone?– dual citizenship is officially not recognized, would be disclosed in the process of getting clearances, and certainly presents the sort of conflict-of-interest that prevents, for example, spouses of citizens from certain countries (cough) to not make the screening for top secret or higher. This would be particularly true if she exercised any of the rights or protections offered by Switzerland– if she bought property in Switzerland and paid a citizen's lower tax rate, travelled on a Swiss passport, etc. Now, in order to have access to the documents and information she would see on the intelligence committee, if she were a mere federal employee like me, rather than an elected official, she would need TS & a higher, compartmentalized information clearance. A number of different agencies, intelligence and otherwise, would need to approve her. As a dual citizen there is a very good chance at least one would not approve, or would mitigate their approval. Even if she were granted some clearances– say, confidential or secret– she still may not the necessary level of clearance to function on the Intelligence Committee.
      Having said that, the standard for elected officials is much more lax than it is for federal employees. Yet there is a historic record of members of the President's cabinet being denied clearances. So, she is certainly jeopardizing her position although she hasn't totally flushed it away.


      • Isn't there anyone you could … you know … tell?

        • biblioteq_tress

          I'm counting on the Wonketeers to bring her down.

      • Boojum

        I think dual citizenship is the least of her worries when it comes to functioning on the Intelligence Committee.

        • biblioteq_tress


        • Yes, well, the intelligence — or glaring lack thereof — does come in a bit higher, don't it?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Don't let the door hit ya, etc.

  • MissTaken

    She'll do well in the Alps since her brain is used to complete lack of oxygen.

  • chascates

    Once she heard they planned to ban building more mosques she found her paradise. Plus it's orderly, clean, and filled mainly with uptight white people!

  • MissTaken

    Handling all those corndogs in Iowa were training for blowing the alphorn. Obviously Marcus was her tutor.

    • Boojum

      Is "alphorn" Swiss for "throbbing man meat"?

  • Shhhh– That's where Marcus is going to get his sex reassignment surgery.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I always thought he was a Swiss-hitter.

  • flamingpdog

    "Well, as you can see, there’s a lot of competition behind me that I would have to run against, and it’d be very stiff because they’re very good.”

    So, is she saying Marcus gained Swiss citizenship so he could run for office there?

    • sullivanst

      Clearly, she's not at all used to having anything stiff behind her.

      Marcus, on the other hand…

    • Well … he'd have all that very stiff competition … behind him …

    • CthuNHu

      Of course she had sex and the total lack of it from her husband on her mind when she said that, and yes, "behind" "stiff" "very good" heehee hahaha but seriously, get the perversity momentarily out of your systems and read that sentence again:

      "Well, as you can see, there’s a lot of competition behind me that I would have to run against, and it’d be very stiff because they’re very good.”


      • get the perversity momentarily out of your systems

        Sorry, no can do.

      • NOTHING!! It means NOTHING! Because she's a fucking brainless baboon. Nothing she says bears any resemblance whatsoever to reality. Do not go unarmed into this battle, dear soldier. Your first mistake is to assume that this … this … this BRAINFART of a woman actually has sufficient gray matter to connect multiple different concepts through that wonderful tool called language.

        She has not evolved that far.

      • sullivanst

        She was, at the time, standing in front of a group of Swiss congresscritters, and responding to a journalist pointing out that she was now entitled to run for office in Switzerland herself, so it's not quite Palinesque word-salad, it sort of makes sense in context.

        Also, balls.

        • flamingpdog

          Thanks. I keep forgetting not all of us actually read the stories that the blog posts are linked to.

  • I'm surprised that their herd of fostered kids didn't make like a bunch of von Trapp's and sneak their way over there ahead of away from her.

  • Come here a minute

    In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

    • sullivanst


      (also, too, relativity)

      • Borrowed patent reviewer, only borrowed just like Princeton do wah ditty did.

        • sullivanst

          Well, yes, but that's where he was at the time. Special relativity was discovered in Switzerland.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Swiss army knife libel!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Better than, " Rosebud. "

    • Rotundo_

      5 Years of the Bachmans will roll them back to sundials with birds tied to them. Either that or just scratches in the dirt (or snow) for each sun-up.

    • So Tired

      Hey, Swiss meatballs! Oh, Swedish meatballs. Nevermind.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Don't forget perfecting chocolate, numbered bank accounts, hiding Nazi stolen goods, and Heidi.

    • comrad_darkness

      I thought that was the Black Forest?

    • ShiftyParadigm

      Great. Now I can't get that damn zither music out of my head.

  • Biff

    I am obvs Mom's pet of the day today, because I didn't bother her with this story.

    For once.

    Also, balls.

    • chascates

      I bother Mom with dozens of stories every day, each more tiresome and ludicrous than the last. It's my desperate cry for attention.

      • Hey, that's what happens when you run a Mommyblog. Turns your readers into why-me kids.

        OK, we were like that already, but at least we now have a NEW excuse!

      • I only bother her with stories related to Arizona. Unfortunately, there are SO many.

        • Srsly. The first thing I do when I win the lottery, I'm gettin' you and your Mom the hell away from that place. It's very noble and self-sacrificing of you, and all, to go to that hellhole to help your Mom in her need, but if we have lots of MUNNIEZ, we can put her someplace else where she'll be happy and comfortable and SO WILL YOU. Someplace NORMAL.

          • That's very generous.But seriously, not everyone here is nuts.Obama lost AZ by fewer than 185,00 votes.Greg Stanton is the Democratic mayor of Phoenix.Dem Sara Presler is mayor of Flagstaff.Dem Mark Mitchell has a good chance of becoming mayor of Tempe in a few weeks and the teabagging mayor of Prescott that the voters threw over a Dem for ain't workin out so great.I lived in Pennsylvania with Man-on-Dog Santorum for eight years, so I'm well-prepared for this insanity. If you DO hit the Megamillions, though, I WILL hit you up for the $140,000 I've lost due to the real estate downturn.THAT would improve my life tremendously!Kisses for your thoughtfulness.

          • Kisses and hugs for all your goodness, sweet lady. Trust me on this, if I win the Megamillions I will track you down and give you that $140K — and anything else you ask for (short of the entire amount — I need SOME money to throw at other people, like Chascates, for instance).

          • Oh, wouldn't it be fun to all be rich together!

          • Wouldn't it, though! (Hugs the grrl fondly)

  • sharethegrief

    Heidi Ho.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, the whole anti-European soshalisms thing is a complete put-on, not only for One-L but the rest of the goopers. Like other white, upper-middle class Americans, they love Europe, especially the countries where they don't have teh coloreds and the locals don't look too much like Messicans.

    • Wait till they find out that everything costs a fucking assload more because soshulism equals taxes and also no slave labour to wash and prep your produce and that kinda shit.

      • thatsitfortheother1

        The guide book is called Roughing it: Switzerland on $1,000.00 a Day.

        • It was VERY educational hanging out in Europe and Australia and shopping at the stores. Everything costs a fucking bomb and looks like it came straight out of the earth. Want your produce washed? Do it yer own goddamn self.

          We're SO spoiled here, and we don't even know it.

          • thatsitfortheother1

            Different it is. I live in Germany and spent half my life here or in England.
            And Switzerland makes Germany look like a sweet bargain.

  • iburl

    Do they allow gay marriage in Sweden, well more specifically, I mean Gay-to-Straight marriage?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Big deal. Mitt Romney regularly visits Switzerland's banks.

    • Guppy

      Some of Romney's friends are Swiss banks (who are people too, my friend).

    • not that Dewey

      The piles of cash are just the right height.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Someone is getting a sex change…

    • comrad_darkness

      Finally! Some attention from Marcus.

  • RadioRehab

    Swatch Out!

    • Oh no you Lindtn't !

      • not that Dewey

        I can't Ricola better pun that that.

        • Radiotherapy

          Not too long before they call her the Swiss Miss.

          • not that Dewey

            Honestlé, that's just terrible.

          • RadioRehab

            Where's hoot-boy? I canton beat that.

          • not that Dewey

            Tag! Heuer it!

            EDIT: I haven't seen hoot-boy, or even the Dok. They should have been here by now. Puns are like Bat-signals to them, or like making a masking tape "X" on the window.

          • Creating Swiss puns Tissot easy!

          • user-of-owls

            You don't want me to ruin your fun, do you?

          • RadioRehab

            What holed you up?

          • George Spelvin

            Geneva said that!!

          • I love fun! Guilty as chardged.

          • not that Dewey

            You gruyere hair, so I grew mine.

  • Tundra Grifter


    Tundra Grifter libel!

  • Poindexter718

    Calm down, people. She said she only did it so that she can get thru the Stockholm airport more quickly.

    • chascates

      If only she would wind up with Stockholm Syndrome.

    • flamingpdog

      Stockholm Airport? You must be a fan of Jamie Lee Curtis as Inga in "Trading Places".

    • Negropolis

      I'm confused, because I've read two comments, now, that make reference to Sweden. Did I miss something?

      • Gunner Asch

        Switzerland, Sweden, recession, repression; it's all da same thing, man.

      • sullivanst

        Did I miss something?

        Some, uh. . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

  • She a BS&T fan too, huh?

  • chascates

    Wonkette needs a stock email response for belligerent tipsters (including me) such as:

    Dear reader,
    thanks for your submission. We receive many interesting tips and will give yours the consideration it deserves. Due to time and space constraints your tip may not lead to a post but it will always be appreciated.
    By everyone who enjoys buttsecks and truck nutz.
    Wonkette automated response agent.

    • One time I scoured the day's/previous day's/day before that's posts and I thought for sure what I was submitting wasn't covered, so I dopily submitted it. Then I got a nice email from Rebecca pointing me to the inevitable already-posted old news. I felt stupid but it was nice to receive the super-special attention (derp) I deserved. Thanks, Rebecca.

      • chascates

        I can beat that. Years ago (before Newell left the first time) I was Googling for news and somehow managed to find 'Washington Times sold' and thought it was a current article. It was not. Newell replied back "Yes, this was very big news when it happened in 1904" or something like that.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I tried submitting ideas pre-Becka, but never got any kind of response. I felt like a DB-in-a-box on the island of misfit snarkers, so I stopped.

      • chascates

        I think even if you come up with something no one else did it either might not spark a snarky post or might possibly invite a search for other sources for the same idea. I've been told both by Steuf and Newell 'thanks for the tip but we saw something funnier than what you mentioned in your tip' (drugs and alcohol have certainly taken their toll).
        Keep sending in tips! The more the overlords have to choose from the richer the choices we have to riff off of. Rebecca seems to have moved (especially in her own posts) to including multiple sources and multiple aspects to a topic which I think is more enjoyable and instructive than just one story line.
        And if a blind squirrel can find sometimes find the acorn a buddha certainly can a kernel of wisdom.

        • I have to say that you've contributed some great content, chascates! I should be so inspired…

  • Callyson

    Meanwhile, the poll on the right hand side is asking for our opinion about Saint Sarah. Switzerland better click "Very Unfavorable," stat…

    • Stevola

      "I don't know who that is"

  • Crazy Eyes, Crazy Eyes
    Every morning you greet me
    Mad and white dumb and slight
    Marcus looks too happy to see me
    Pics of Corn Dogs may you mock and spread
    Mock and spread forever
    Crazy Eyes, Crazy Eyes
    Curses Switzerland forever.

  • miss_grundy

    She already gets health insurance from the government as a congresswoman. Since the U.S. gives its politicians a nice cadillac-style health insurance policy.

    • jesus_vs_gojira

      You mean to say that Republicans who rail against government health care are being disingenuous? I find that hard to believe!

      • miss_grundy

        No, they aren't disingenuous, they are just a bunch of fracking hypocrites. Some TPer who was elected to Congress had a hissy fit at the orientation when he found out that his new federal health insurance wouldn't start until his term started in Congress and the jerk was a doctor.

        See, they only want the good stuff for themselves and not for anybody else.

        • sullivanst

          "For me, but not for thee" is a core Republican value.

  • owhatever

    This alternate universe shit has to stop.

  • Pragmatist2

    Switzerland? I would have thought Argentina.

  • flamingpdog

    OT, but corngratulations for our own Prezdint Hopey for coming out (pun intended) publicly for marriage equality. I have never had a love-dislike relationship like I have with the Obama-fellow.

    UPDATE: OK, it's only OT to this thread, but congrats anyway, Barry!

  • fuflans


    • BarackMyWorld

      Her hair needs work.

  • poorgradstudent

    Pro-tip for Michelle: no matter what "experts" tell you, the dead of winter is the best possible time to go hiking in the Alps.

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      she needs to use very loud flashbangs at intervals as well, in order to scare away the moose

    • By yourself. Don't tell anyone, they might tell the snow fairies, and then those shy little fellas will hide away.

      • redarmyzombie

        But I though she already was married to Marcus?

  • not that Dewey

    Michele will command the Army of Clowns that Switzerland maintains, to protect the Pope.

  • littlebigdaddy

    I just know there's a nutcracker joke in there somewhere.

  • Joe Biden sez: "This is not a big fucking deal."

  • Wile E. Quixote

    You know who else had dual citizenship with Switzerland? Well not Hitler, I mean I don't know if he had dual citizenship between Germany and Austria and even if he did it was pretty much a moot point after der Anschluss in 1938. Ah fuck it, I got nothing here.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Charlie Chaplin?

    • flamingpdog

      Barry Switzer?

      • Wile E. Quixote

        You know, I always wondered why they called it "Switzerland" instead of "Deutschland del Sud."

    • It's easy to get citizenship if you annex the country.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Interesting that her family thought this was soooo important, but she didn't go through with it while she was running for President of the US of A.

  • iburl

    Marcus is just making her do this as part of some elaborate Acorn Pimp Dildo stunt.

  • HistoriCat

    (with apologies to Groucho)

    I refuse to apply for citizenship to any country that would accept Michele Bachman as a member.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Maybe they can help her. Doesn't the government provide free psychiatry over there?

  • Negropolis

    The fuckers banned minarets at mosques (didn't have the balls to go all in on their xenophobia and just ban mosque), so she'll find fertile ground among its xenophobes. Switzerland is a lot more conservative (in the true meaning of the term) and fractured than many people realize. It ranks right up there with Belgium in how socially/culturally fractured it is.

    • Right, I remember reading an article from a few years back about how the confluence of crazy amounts of Swiss xenophobia and direct democracy was leading to a sizable second class of non-citizen residents, since local communities basically had veto power over citizenship applications.

      Actually, that kinda makes me wonder how Bachmann was able to get a citizenship while living here; I wonder if the main factor was the whiteness, or the political influence even a batshit Congressperson is able to bring to bear for personal benefit. I mean, it's not quite "Dick Cheney heart transplant" bad, but still.

      • poorgradstudent

        Fun fact: women didn't get the vote in Switzerland until 1971 (even then they weren't the last to hold out; Lichtenstein didn't do it until 1984!).

        • emmelemm

          These facts are saddening me.

          Of course, we'll be repealing women's right to vote here in the ol'USofA soon enough… mark my words.

          • savethispatient

            "I shouldn't worry your pretty little head about it, my dear" – Switzerland, 1970

        • Negropolis

          It's true. As a relatively loose confederation, there was a canton that held out giving women the franchise until fairly recently. Switzerland is a very strange (and not necessarily in a good way) nation that's been able to escape — until very recently scrutiny — because it hated drawing attention to itself…and mostly in fear that they'd have to be more progressive if they did.

      • Negropolis

        The article says she gained citizenship through her husband, who is a citizen.

    • flamingpdog

      Marcus should fit right in then. I hear he's a big fan of Fractured Fairy Tails.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Switzerland is also the only nation in the developed world other than the US whose healthcare system is completely privatized (it's also completely mandatory – just for funsies). As you can imagine, they have the second highest healthcare costs per capita in the world, second only to the US.

  • laurieleigh

    I understand that the Swiss do not have to release information on the banking habits of Swiss citizens. Maybe she's going to stash some of the big government money she made as a government lawyer, on farm subsidies, for the 23 foster kids, for Marcus' pray-away-the-gay therapy, or for Congress.

  • dadanarchist

    Bachmann has resigned as an American to spend more time with Mitt's money.


  • As a person with partial Swiss descent I am saddened to hear that land of my heritage will be spoiled, but given their reputation of hoarding Holocaust gold and art the shark has jumped for that country a while ago. What a fitting development that the Swiss is taking in the Crazy Eyes as one of their own. Maybe they can take others of her ilk. Oh please, oh please, oh please…

  • Someone found a light bulb stash.

  • comrad_darkness

    You silly liberals, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IDEOLOGY. Only power. Sheesh.

    Also, how in the heck did she get Swiss citizenship? This is no small feat in and off itself.

    • elfgoldsackring

      Like some contagious disease — Marcus got it via his parents and passed it on to her.

      Obviously no-one mentioned to Marcus that Switzerland recognizes same-sex partners for immigration, else it could have been a whole new start for him!

  • ttommyunger

    Since Marcus absolutely refuses, she thinks she can find somebody over there willing to yodel in her canyon. Good luck with that.

  • stncmchnc

    Plenty of gays in need of the cure in Switzerland. Go get 'em Marcus, and Gawdspeed.

  • tessiee

    1. Obama comes out (get it? ya get it, huh?) in favor of equal rights for gay marriage.
    2. Michele gets a passport to Switzerland.
    3. Marcus, left home alone, ????
    4. Profit!

  • RadioRehab

    Maybe she's running gay money for Mitt.

  • Negropolis

    This is one stranger you would not want to find in the Alps.

    Yeah, yeah. I'm going to ride this joke 'til the wheels fall off.

  • valgal2342

    Doe, a deer, a female dear
    Ray, a drop of golden sun
    Me, a name, I call myself
    Far, a long, long way to run
    Sew, a needle pulling thread
    La, a note to follow sew
    Tea, a drink with jam and bread
    That will bring us back to do oh oh oh

    • RadioRehab

      One of her favorite movies, The Sound of Muzak, especially the Nazi parts.

  • Warpde


    What the hell are we talking about?
    Now I'm lost.


    • HistoriCat

      Apparently the Editrix isn't the only one who is in need of getting laid on a Saturday.

      • Boojum

        There ARE volunteers!

    • She thought she was going home for a cocktail. Then THIS.

  • rickmaci

    The Congressional Oath of office:

    "I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God. "

    The "true faith and allegiance" part was added after the Civil War to deal with weeding out those of divided loyalties from the insurrectionist states. Whether she is no longer eligible to sit in Congress is not just some snarky question meant to pimp old Crazy Eyes. This is as serious as a long form birth certificate.

  • She wants to be closer to Mitt Romney's money.

    • savethispatient

      Ha! I wish I'd thought of that. To continue on that riff:

      All of Mitt's friends own Swiss Bank accounts. The secrecy is just the right height.

      • BarackMyWorld

        Someone already thought of it 3 hours earlier.

  • BarackMyWorld

    In other news: Study looks at economic mobility state by state

    Spoiler Alert: The worst states are in the south.

    • I left Pennsylvania (green) and moved to Arizona (gray) and shockingly my income also went south. But at least Arizona doesn't have any of those stinking, unAmurkin unions!!!!11

    • V572 Is this him?

      The sovereignty-desiring nation of Dumbfuckistan shows its true colors once again. No one's going to spread the wealth around there.

  • BZ1

    Switzerland, please take your new Swiss Miss!

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Cuz nothing says 'Merican like dual citizenship.

  • niblick77

    She is so unpatriotic, she had to marry a Swiss gay. He Michele, what is wrong with having a good ole American gay as a husband, huh?

  • chitrade

    Yeah, haha. Ha. Teh sozialism. As my former governor would say, a Swiss passport is a valuable fucking thing. It's especially valuable if you need to escape a country in a hurry. Like if it's been invaded, or the economy implodes, or they start rounding up people who look like you to put in camps…

    What does Bachmann know that we don't?

    • Boojum

      That's a trick question, as it uses "Bachman" and "know" in the same sentence.

  • Bachmann Turncoat Overdrive.

  • Negropolis

    The Swiss healthcare system isn't considerably different than our own, and it's really an oddball in Western Europe. The government offers subsidies and it's far more heavily regulated than our system, but you still have to purchase your own insurance. It's certainly not anywhere close to being "socialized medicine."

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I had no idea that Marcus was so into Nordic blondes…

  • LeAlbatross

    So, a country that acted as banker for the Nazis, has several parliamentarians on the ultra-right, and a growing number of skinhead Neo-Nazis. She'll be well at home there.

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