HERE IS YOUR POST ABOUT THIS  6:07 pm May 9, 2012

Michele Bachmann Declares Allegiance to Socialist-Run Switzerland

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Take her, please.

Who was so excited to learn that Michele Bachmann is now the proud owner of a Swiss passport? The seven thousand belligerent tipsters who wrote in DEMANDING IN THE STRONGEST POSSIBLE TERMS AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT OF HORRIFIED OUTRAGE FROM YOUR WONKETTE ARE VERY EXCITED. Do you know that this all-caps screaming sometimes makes your Wonkette slightly less inclined than normal to type up a dumb thing about Michele Bachmann? Anyway, here is our official position: Your Wonkette expresses its profound condolences to Switzerland in light of its recent acquisition of loudmouth nutjob Michele Bachmann to its citizenship rolls. She is a well-to-do lady who is very adept at wheedling money out of the government to buy herself expensive homes, so watch out for her, Switzerland. She is already trying to butter you up.

From the Boston Globe:

Bachmann’s polite appraisal of the [Swiss] parliamentarians contrasted with strong statements she made throughout the presidential campaign, when she criticized President Obama for policies she labeled socialist. The Social Democratic Party “has governed Switzerland as part of a grand coalition since 1959,” according to Encyclopedia Britannica.

Unlike Bachmann, the party “supports an extensive government role in the economy,” Britannica says.

Bachmann uttered nothing but pleasantries during her television interview, saying “it’s tough to find a place not to like in Switzerland.”

THERE. NOW STOP EMAILING US ABOUT IT. [Boston Globe]

 
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{ 285 comments }

Barb May 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

She hates Obamacare and she moves to a country that has mandated health care?

I wonder if she is doing this in the hopes of alpaca farm subsidies in Switzerland?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I hear the alpacas refuse to have anything to do with her ever since she tried to kiss that one live on the teevee.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 9, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Marcus?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:37 pm

You just HAD ta out me, din'tcha? I'm'a tell Michele, she'll kick yo' ass.

redarmyzombie May 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

In fairness, she bears a remarkable likeness to the Living Dead.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

It's the crazy eyes. The pod-person look.

redarmyzombie May 10, 2012 at 12:16 am

Just sayin, if that Bachmann thing came at me with her mouth wide open, I'd have very serious concerns of the Zombie Apocalypse coming upon us…

MosesInvests May 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

A sign of the Alpaca Lips?

tessiee May 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

This is so full of win that it makes up for having to picture Michele Bachmann kissing any ONE or any THING.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Oh groan! Actually, you deserve a gold star for this, but CRE_ature is the keeper of those.

MosesInvests May 10, 2012 at 12:27 am

I'd settle for a bigger p-ness. I've been stuck at 83-maybe I should go to one of those sites that my spam filter normally catches?

memzilla May 9, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Every foster child you adopt in Switzerland gets you a free bank account!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Yeah, but then, you get the child, too. I mean … it's hard to enjoy your free bank account with all the screaming.

Redgyal May 9, 2012 at 7:28 pm

She's not moving. Just getting dual citizenship. Not a big deal.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Right. Let Obama get a dualie, and you're in for an F5 right wing shitstorm.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm

But, doesn't he already have dual citizenship with Kenya, Indonesia and Hawaii?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm

That's more than duo, baby.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 4:56 am

And Russia, Socialististan, and Ubekibekibekistanstan.

spareme May 9, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Well, shit.

Redgyal May 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Need a toilet???

nounverb911 May 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Can we deport her now?

Mittens Howell, III May 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

She self deported.

IndianaKevin May 10, 2012 at 6:21 am

Just change the national locks once she's out.

savethispatient May 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Only if she formally renounces her US citizenship – while technically "becoming a naturalized citizen of another country" is grounds for losing citizenship, it's not enforced. Yet another Obama failure!

Terry May 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

It's Marcus that's more in danger of losing his US citizenship. Would he use this as an excuse just to get away from her?
http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Tell that to all those dual-citizenship Israeli-Americans.

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

See savethispatient above. Except for the yet another Obama failure part!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Sigh. So Slovenian/Israeli/American dentist/realtor/karate black belt Orly Taintz can run for office without showing HER long form birf certificate, but teh Blah Guy? Man, teh Blah Guy couldn't win this if he tried with both hands AND a flashlight.

MosesInvests May 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Israeli citizenship is granted automatically-there's no naturalization, therefore US citizenship isn't imperiled.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 11:49 pm

It's that whole thing about jus solis vs. jus sanguinis,yaknow? Different countries do it different ways.

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Guess we'll just have to content ourselves with burning her then.

Oh well!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 9:14 pm

To the torches!

Maman May 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Why doesn't Michele Bachmann love America?

Come here a minute May 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

… but Switzerland does.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

America keeps making out with all Michele's boyfriends, is why.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

The only thing Michele has in common with the Swiss is the fact that her brain resembles their cheese.

SigDeFlyinMonky May 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Seso como queso, como queso suizo.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Discerning mice turn their collective nose up at it, nevertheless.

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 7:54 pm

On the other hand, their army knife imbedded in the top of her skull would cause little, if any damage.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm
Lionel[redacted]Esq May 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Don't forget, she is cuckoo like a clock, also.

Sharkey May 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

It's not just her brain – there are way too many holes on that woman's body too.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 4:59 am

Um, ew?

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 4:59 am

Mad Cow Libel!!!

ChernobylSoup May 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Her logic is full of holes. You need a multi-function handheld tool to get to the center of it. Anyway, I hear she steals all her ideas from Jews and just locks them away.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

The Jews? Or the ideas? With her it's kinda hard to tell.

smokefilledroommate May 10, 2012 at 1:41 am

Tiny Jews live in her head. When they tell her Swiss chocolate is "to die for, bubbeleh", it's the word of God suggesting she go to the source.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

To these voices she should only listen!

MosesInvests May 9, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Well, that should make her fit right in with the Swiss, who steal their money from Jews (who were murdered by the Nazis).

Mittens Howell, III May 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Swiss Barmy Wife.

ChessieNefercat May 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

clap clap clap!!!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

How I long for the double upfistiness~!

MosesInvests May 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Well played!

nounverb911 May 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I hope she's allergic to chocolate.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

More heartfelt prayer was never uttered.

OK, maybe the guy in that Alzheimer experiment shark movie who was smoking near the supershark tank when the shark took his arm off. You just know he would've given his other arm for one last drag.

Toomush_Infer May 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

It's that Swiss Bachman Chocolate….

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Quick! Close the borders!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Can we wait till we're SURE she's out first?

Otherwise this is JUST like those horror movies where the stupid girl/boy comes home and locks the door and the serial killer is in there already.

Fare la Volpe May 9, 2012 at 8:27 pm

"…Billy? ….Are you in here? ….I'm gonna strip naked and take a shower."

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

STOP IT, you tasty little morsel, we're tryin' ta FOCUS heah.

HistoriCat May 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Was that a noise in the basement? Someone should go look … but the light bulb is out. Can you change it while you're down there?

Fairtackle May 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I guess we know who wears the lederhosen in that family…

ChessieNefercat May 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm

I believe Marcus is the one that wears the dirndl.

thatsitfortheother1 May 10, 2012 at 4:17 am

He's got the cleavage for it.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Ew. Now I have Marcus' Moobs firmly stuck in my head.

smrtmnky May 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

somewhere, lady marcus weeps quietly as he shovels funyons into his quivering mouth. crumbs gathering on his snug lederhosen. he thought he had found freedom.

nounverb911 May 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

"THERE. NOW STOP EMAILING US ABOUT IT. "
Needs more spam filters.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 9, 2012 at 8:18 pm

You would think they would be smart enough to have all the wonketeers on their bock list.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 9, 2012 at 6:13 pm

This makes me wonder how much Switzerland pays for foster children.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

They're soshulists, so, more obvy.

emmelemm May 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

To support them, or to have them ground up and put in pill form?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Oh god human flesh pills. I knew they'd show up in teh Wonketz eventually.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 9, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Obviously Minnesota isn't white enough for her.

SheriffRoscoe May 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Switzerland, Land of Cuckoo-Clocks. And Michele Bachmann.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 5:03 am

Cuckoo-Clocks and Cuckoo-Cunts.

SayItWithWookies May 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

If only we had listened to Michele Bachmann about foreigners bringing their agenda to our government, we wouldn't have Michele Bachmann bringing her foreign agenda to our government.

Fare la Volpe May 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Michele picked a country that really appreciates a Cuckoo.

The jokes write themselves, people.

Mittens Howell, III May 9, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Yodelay-heee-hooooooo!!

Shit. Here comes Marcus.

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Dick-o-laaaaaa! (sorry. bad, I know).

SheriffRoscoe May 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Has Switzerland settled on an official language yet? Maybe Michele can help them out with that one.

nounverb911 May 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Gibberish?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Great. The one-woman Tower of Babble.

lefty74 May 9, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Fuckin' Big Eddy is going to throw that bitch into the meat grinder tonight on his show. Actually master debating to be the president while being processed for dual citizenship to a country with Obamacare type health care. Holy fucking shit!

DaRooster May 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

The Swiss constitution has laws protecting gay rights…

You are welcome Marcus.

ph7 May 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Cuckoo Clock Version 2.0

savethispatient May 9, 2012 at 6:21 pm

♫♩♪ The hills are alive with the sound of right-wing talking points ♫♩♪

bumfug May 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Wait til she finds out that edelweiss is gay.

mavenmaven May 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

She'll fit in well with their extremist anti-muslim groups.

Schmannnity May 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Swiss Miss Instant Cookoo.

iburl May 9, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Yodel ghey he woo!

DaRooster May 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm

HEIDI!!! DON'T DO IT!!!

Nostrildamus May 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Yay! Now we're only half to blame.

Blueb4sunrise May 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Is this more irony?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 9, 2012 at 6:25 pm

So, she is doing this just for the access to the cheap drugs and easy access to heroin.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Listen, she's Michele Bachmann. She NEEDS access to cheap drugs. LOTS and LOTS of cheap drugs.

Also, too, heroin.

ChessieNefercat May 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Serious question, can she stay on the Intelligence Committee with dual citizenship/loyalties?

I can't find an answer, possibly because swearing an oath of citizenship to another country while serving as a member of Congress has not previously been an issue we had to deal with. Or felt we had to anticipate.

She had best not open her piehole about President Obama's not being as American as most yodeling Swisstians or whatever they are called.

iburl May 9, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Swissies

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 1:52 am

That would be Marcus.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 5:05 am

Swishies?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

What they're *going* to be called ever after if they let her into the country is dumbestfuckingassholesontheplanet. Geezus. You'd think she would have immediately taken steps to avoid this exact issue. Whatta maroon.

redarmyzombie May 9, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Expect declarations of national emergency in 3,2,1…

savethispatient May 9, 2012 at 7:15 pm

By the sounds of the article, it seems like she was granted citizenship automatically on the basis that she's the wife of a citizen. As she had no say in matter, per se, I'm sure she can carry being on the Committee. Also, I don't think anyone is seriously doubting her loyalties.

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Via Politico:

“Congresswoman Bachmann’s husband is of Swiss descent, so she has been eligible for dual-citizenship since they got married in 1978. However, recently some of their children wanted to exercise their eligibility for dual-citizenship so they went through the process as a family,” said Bachmann spokesperson Becky Rogness.

Makes it sound a bit more active, now, doesn't it.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 1:53 am

What do those kids know that we don't know?

sullivanst May 10, 2012 at 8:42 am

Nuthin'

We'd all like outs in case Rmoney wins, but not all of us are fortunate enough to be half-furrin.

mnotrtoo May 10, 2012 at 10:06 am

Right! Their 440children in Morman Tabernacle-like harmony, "Mom is a serious candidate for president? Can we option out of this situation?!!!" (I know, not good with lyrics)

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

More fool they, wouldn't you say?

Dashboard Buddha May 9, 2012 at 10:01 pm

She has not demonstrated loyalty to sanity for decades.

Tundra Grifter May 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Ole Crazy Eyes should have had to face the House Ethics Committee for telling citizens they didn't have to answer the US Census in 2010. She got away with that one, too.

biblioteq_tress May 9, 2012 at 11:01 pm

I don't know for sure, but I doubt it. While it is not unheard of for dual citizens to have clearances– Werner von Braun, anyone?– dual citizenship is officially not recognized, would be disclosed in the process of getting clearances, and certainly presents the sort of conflict-of-interest that prevents, for example, spouses of citizens from certain countries (cough) to not make the screening for top secret or higher. This would be particularly true if she exercised any of the rights or protections offered by Switzerland– if she bought property in Switzerland and paid a citizen's lower tax rate, travelled on a Swiss passport, etc. Now, in order to have access to the documents and information she would see on the intelligence committee, if she were a mere federal employee like me, rather than an elected official, she would need TS & a higher, compartmentalized information clearance. A number of different agencies, intelligence and otherwise, would need to approve her. As a dual citizen there is a very good chance at least one would not approve, or would mitigate their approval. Even if she were granted some clearances– say, confidential or secret– she still may not the necessary level of clearance to function on the Intelligence Committee.
Having said that, the standard for elected officials is much more lax than it is for federal employees. Yet there is a historic record of members of the President's cabinet being denied clearances. So, she is certainly jeopardizing her position although she hasn't totally flushed it away.

Unfortunately.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Isn't there anyone you could … you know … tell?

biblioteq_tress May 10, 2012 at 9:33 am

I'm counting on the Wonketeers to bring her down.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Tell us what to do, and we're SO THERE.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 5:08 am

I think dual citizenship is the least of her worries when it comes to functioning on the Intelligence Committee.

biblioteq_tress May 10, 2012 at 9:34 am

Indeed.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Yes, well, the intelligence — or glaring lack thereof — does come in a bit higher, don't it?

anniegetyerfun May 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Don't let the door hit ya, etc.

MissTaken May 9, 2012 at 6:31 pm

She'll do well in the Alps since her brain is used to complete lack of oxygen.

chascates May 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Once she heard they planned to ban building more mosques she found her paradise. Plus it's orderly, clean, and filled mainly with uptight white people!

MissTaken May 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Handling all those corndogs in Iowa were training for blowing the alphorn. Obviously Marcus was her tutor.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 9:53 am

Is "alphorn" Swiss for "throbbing man meat"?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Well, it's Marcus. So, less with the "throbbing"?

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Shhhh– That's where Marcus is going to get his sex reassignment surgery.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 9, 2012 at 7:47 pm

I always thought he was a Swiss-hitter.

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 6:40 pm

"Well, as you can see, there’s a lot of competition behind me that I would have to run against, and it’d be very stiff because they’re very good.”

So, is she saying Marcus gained Swiss citizenship so he could run for office there?

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Clearly, she's not at all used to having anything stiff behind her.

Marcus, on the other hand…

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Well … he'd have all that very stiff competition … behind him …

CthuNHu May 9, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Of course she had sex and the total lack of it from her husband on her mind when she said that, and yes, "behind" "stiff" "very good" heehee hahaha but seriously, get the perversity momentarily out of your systems and read that sentence again:

"Well, as you can see, there’s a lot of competition behind me that I would have to run against, and it’d be very stiff because they’re very good.”

WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

starfanglednut May 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm

get the perversity momentarily out of your systems

Sorry, no can do.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm

NOTHING!! It means NOTHING! Because she's a fucking brainless baboon. Nothing she says bears any resemblance whatsoever to reality. Do not go unarmed into this battle, dear soldier. Your first mistake is to assume that this … this … this BRAINFART of a woman actually has sufficient gray matter to connect multiple different concepts through that wonderful tool called language.

She has not evolved that far.

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm

She was, at the time, standing in front of a group of Swiss congresscritters, and responding to a journalist pointing out that she was now entitled to run for office in Switzerland herself, so it's not quite Palinesque word-salad, it sort of makes sense in context.

Also, balls.

flamingpdog May 10, 2012 at 1:03 am

Thanks. I keep forgetting not all of us actually read the stories that the blog posts are linked to.

Mumbletypeg May 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm

I'm surprised that their herd of fostered kids didn't make like a bunch of von Trapp's and sneak their way over there ahead of away from her.

Come here a minute May 9, 2012 at 6:45 pm

In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

FONDUE LIBEL!

(also, too, relativity)

weejee May 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Borrowed patent reviewer, only borrowed just like Princeton do wah ditty did.

sullivanst May 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Well, yes, but that's where he was at the time. Special relativity was discovered in Switzerland.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 9, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Swiss army knife libel!

Blueb4sunrise May 9, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Better than, " Rosebud. "

Rotundo_ May 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm

5 Years of the Bachmans will roll them back to sundials with birds tied to them. Either that or just scratches in the dirt (or snow) for each sun-up.

So Tired May 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Hey, Swiss meatballs! Oh, Swedish meatballs. Nevermind.

Dashboard Buddha May 9, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Don't forget perfecting chocolate, numbered bank accounts, hiding Nazi stolen goods, and Heidi.

comrad_darkness May 9, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I thought that was the Black Forest?

ShiftyParadigm May 9, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Great. Now I can't get that damn zither music out of my head.

Biff May 9, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I am obvs Mom's pet of the day today, because I didn't bother her with this story.

For once.

Also, balls.

chascates May 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I bother Mom with dozens of stories every day, each more tiresome and ludicrous than the last. It's my desperate cry for attention.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Hey, that's what happens when you run a Mommyblog. Turns your readers into why-me kids.

OK, we were like that already, but at least we now have a NEW excuse!

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 1:57 am

I only bother her with stories related to Arizona. Unfortunately, there are SO many.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Srsly. The first thing I do when I win the lottery, I'm gettin' you and your Mom the hell away from that place. It's very noble and self-sacrificing of you, and all, to go to that hellhole to help your Mom in her need, but if we have lots of MUNNIEZ, we can put her someplace else where she'll be happy and comfortable and SO WILL YOU. Someplace NORMAL.

Jukesgrrl May 11, 2012 at 1:34 am

That's very generous.But seriously, not everyone here is nuts.Obama lost AZ by fewer than 185,00 votes.Greg Stanton is the Democratic mayor of Phoenix.Dem Sara Presler is mayor of Flagstaff.Dem Mark Mitchell has a good chance of becoming mayor of Tempe in a few weeks and the teabagging mayor of Prescott that the voters threw over a Dem for ain't workin out so great.I lived in Pennsylvania with Man-on-Dog Santorum for eight years, so I'm well-prepared for this insanity. If you DO hit the Megamillions, though, I WILL hit you up for the $140,000 I've lost due to the real estate downturn.THAT would improve my life tremendously!Kisses for your thoughtfulness.

sharethegrief May 9, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Heidi Ho.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Heidi! Hi!

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Gonna find me some o' that old sweet roll in the hay!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

That's always what I be thinkin'.

littlebigdaddy May 9, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Yeah, the whole anti-European soshalisms thing is a complete put-on, not only for One-L but the rest of the goopers. Like other white, upper-middle class Americans, they love Europe, especially the countries where they don't have teh coloreds and the locals don't look too much like Messicans.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Wait till they find out that everything costs a fucking assload more because soshulism equals taxes and also no slave labour to wash and prep your produce and that kinda shit.

thatsitfortheother1 May 10, 2012 at 4:32 am

The guide book is called Roughing it: Switzerland on $1,000.00 a Day.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm

It was VERY educational hanging out in Europe and Australia and shopping at the stores. Everything costs a fucking bomb and looks like it came straight out of the earth. Want your produce washed? Do it yer own goddamn self.

We're SO spoiled here, and we don't even know it.

thatsitfortheother1 May 11, 2012 at 5:21 am

Different it is. I live in Germany and spent half my life here or in England.
And Switzerland makes Germany look like a sweet bargain.

iburl May 9, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Do they allow gay marriage in Sweden, well more specifically, I mean Gay-to-Straight marriage?

BarackMyWorld May 9, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Big deal. Mitt Romney regularly visits Switzerland's banks.

Guppy May 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Some of Romney's friends are Swiss banks (who are people too, my friend).

not that Dewey May 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

The piles of cash are just the right height.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 9, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Someone is getting a sex change…

comrad_darkness May 9, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Finally! Some attention from Marcus.

RadioRehab May 9, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Swatch Out!

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Oh no you Lindtn't !

not that Dewey May 9, 2012 at 9:54 pm

I can't Ricola better pun that that.

Radiotherapy May 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Not too long before they call her the Swiss Miss.

not that Dewey May 9, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Honestlé, that's just terrible.

Tundra Grifter May 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I DID NOT SUBMIT THIS TIP IN ALL CAPS.

Tundra Grifter libel!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

You and WHO ELSE???

Poindexter718 May 9, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Calm down, people. She said she only did it so that she can get thru the Stockholm airport more quickly.

chascates May 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

If only she would wind up with Stockholm Syndrome.

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 8:12 pm

Stockholm Airport? You must be a fan of Jamie Lee Curtis as Inga in "Trading Places".

Negropolis May 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I'm confused, because I've read two comments, now, that make reference to Sweden. Did I miss something?

Gunner Asch May 9, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Switzerland, Sweden, recession, repression; it's all da same thing, man.

sullivanst May 10, 2012 at 8:26 am

Did I miss something?

Some, uh. . . people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm

She a BS&T fan too, huh?

chascates May 9, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Wonkette needs a stock email response for belligerent tipsters (including me) such as:

Dear reader,
thanks for your submission. We receive many interesting tips and will give yours the consideration it deserves. Due to time and space constraints your tip may not lead to a post but it will always be appreciated.
By everyone who enjoys buttsecks and truck nutz.
Regards,
Wonkette automated response agent.

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 9:12 pm

One time I scoured the day's/previous day's/day before that's posts and I thought for sure what I was submitting wasn't covered, so I dopily submitted it. Then I got a nice email from Rebecca pointing me to the inevitable already-posted old news. I felt stupid but it was nice to receive the super-special attention (derp) I deserved. Thanks, Rebecca.

chascates May 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I can beat that. Years ago (before Newell left the first time) I was Googling for news and somehow managed to find 'Washington Times sold' and thought it was a current article. It was not. Newell replied back "Yes, this was very big news when it happened in 1904" or something like that.

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 9:39 pm

In the past, I've submitted a few stupid things for Layne and Newell (and I knew it), so I rarely submit stuff anymore. I got nothin', as they say (and I live in AZ, which pretty much pegs me an underachiever).

However, in my personal news–2 hours ago: Wind Knocks Down 40 foot Willow Acacia–Owner Fucking Pissed

chascates May 9, 2012 at 9:49 pm

One of my favorites from HuffPost:
Police Find Crack In Suspect's Butt: Ramon Blair Arrested In Florida http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/17/police-f

Dashboard Buddha May 9, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I tried submitting ideas pre-Becka, but never got any kind of response. I felt like a DB-in-a-box on the island of misfit snarkers, so I stopped.

chascates May 9, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I think even if you come up with something no one else did it either might not spark a snarky post or might possibly invite a search for other sources for the same idea. I've been told both by Steuf and Newell 'thanks for the tip but we saw something funnier than what you mentioned in your tip' (drugs and alcohol have certainly taken their toll).
Keep sending in tips! The more the overlords have to choose from the richer the choices we have to riff off of. Rebecca seems to have moved (especially in her own posts) to including multiple sources and multiple aspects to a topic which I think is more enjoyable and instructive than just one story line.
And if a blind squirrel can find sometimes find the acorn a buddha certainly can a kernel of wisdom.

smokefilledroommate May 10, 2012 at 3:04 am

I have to say that you've contributed some great content, chascates! I should be so inspired…

Callyson May 9, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Meanwhile, the poll on the right hand side is asking for our opinion about Saint Sarah. Switzerland better click "Very Unfavorable," stat…

Stevola May 10, 2012 at 1:45 am

"I don't know who that is"

ManchuCandidate May 9, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Crazy Eyes, Crazy Eyes
Every morning you greet me
Mad and white dumb and slight
Marcus looks too happy to see me
Pics of Corn Dogs may you mock and spread
Mock and spread forever
Crazy Eyes, Crazy Eyes
Curses Switzerland forever.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I love it! I can hear it sung by the Family von Trapp!

miss_grundy May 9, 2012 at 7:58 pm

She already gets health insurance from the government as a congresswoman. Since the U.S. gives its politicians a nice cadillac-style health insurance policy.

jesus_vs_gojira May 9, 2012 at 9:28 pm

You mean to say that Republicans who rail against government health care are being disingenuous? I find that hard to believe!

miss_grundy May 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm

No, they aren't disingenuous, they are just a bunch of fracking hypocrites. Some TPer who was elected to Congress had a hissy fit at the orientation when he found out that his new federal health insurance wouldn't start until his term started in Congress and the jerk was a doctor.

See, they only want the good stuff for themselves and not for anybody else.

sullivanst May 10, 2012 at 8:23 am

"For me, but not for thee" is a core Republican value.

owhatever May 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

This alternate universe shit has to stop.

Pragmatist2 May 9, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Switzerland? I would have thought Argentina.

flamingpdog May 9, 2012 at 8:15 pm

OT, but corngratulations for our own Prezdint Hopey for coming out (pun intended) publicly for marriage equality. I have never had a love-dislike relationship like I have with the Obama-fellow.

UPDATE: OK, it's only OT to this thread, but congrats anyway, Barry!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Yes! (grabs the pdog and dances around)

fuflans May 9, 2012 at 8:19 pm

WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH VIDAL SASSOON????

BarackMyWorld May 10, 2012 at 1:31 am

Her hair needs work.

poorgradstudent May 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Pro-tip for Michelle: no matter what "experts" tell you, the dead of winter is the best possible time to go hiking in the Alps.

Fukui-sanYesRadio May 9, 2012 at 8:28 pm

she needs to use very loud flashbangs at intervals as well, in order to scare away the moose

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 8:35 pm

By yourself. Don't tell anyone, they might tell the snow fairies, and then those shy little fellas will hide away.

redarmyzombie May 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

But I though she already was married to Marcus?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:13 am

Bingdingding! Winner!~

not that Dewey May 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Michele will command the Army of Clowns that Switzerland maintains, to protect the Pope.

littlebigdaddy May 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I just know there's a nutcracker joke in there somewhere.

Chow Yun Flat May 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Joe Biden sez: "This is not a big fucking deal."

Wile E. Quixote May 9, 2012 at 8:55 pm

You know who else had dual citizenship with Switzerland? Well not Hitler, I mean I don't know if he had dual citizenship between Germany and Austria and even if he did it was pretty much a moot point after der Anschluss in 1938. Ah fuck it, I got nothing here.

littlebigdaddy May 9, 2012 at 11:47 pm

Charlie Chaplin?

flamingpdog May 10, 2012 at 1:08 am

Barry Switzer?

Wile E. Quixote May 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

You know, I always wondered why they called it "Switzerland" instead of "Deutschland del Sud."

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 2:00 am

It's easy to get citizenship if you annex the country.

Tundra Grifter May 9, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Interesting that her family thought this was soooo important, but she didn't go through with it while she was running for President of the US of A.

iburl May 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Marcus is just making her do this as part of some elaborate Acorn Pimp Dildo stunt.

HistoriCat May 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

(with apologies to Groucho)

I refuse to apply for citizenship to any country that would accept Michele Bachman as a member.

BarackMyWorld May 10, 2012 at 1:35 am

Maybe they can help her. Doesn't the government provide free psychiatry over there?

Negropolis May 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm

The fuckers banned minarets at mosques (didn't have the balls to go all in on their xenophobia and just ban mosque), so she'll find fertile ground among its xenophobes. Switzerland is a lot more conservative (in the true meaning of the term) and fractured than many people realize. It ranks right up there with Belgium in how socially/culturally fractured it is.

Equality_Joe May 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Right, I remember reading an article from a few years back about how the confluence of crazy amounts of Swiss xenophobia and direct democracy was leading to a sizable second class of non-citizen residents, since local communities basically had veto power over citizenship applications.

Actually, that kinda makes me wonder how Bachmann was able to get a citizenship while living here; I wonder if the main factor was the whiteness, or the political influence even a batshit Congressperson is able to bring to bear for personal benefit. I mean, it's not quite "Dick Cheney heart transplant" bad, but still.

poorgradstudent May 9, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Fun fact: women didn't get the vote in Switzerland until 1971 (even then they weren't the last to hold out; Lichtenstein didn't do it until 1984!).

emmelemm May 9, 2012 at 10:24 pm

These facts are saddening me.

Of course, we'll be repealing women's right to vote here in the ol'USofA soon enough… mark my words.

savethispatient May 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

"I shouldn't worry your pretty little head about it, my dear" – Switzerland, 1970

Negropolis May 9, 2012 at 10:54 pm

It's true. As a relatively loose confederation, there was a canton that held out giving women the franchise until fairly recently. Switzerland is a very strange (and not necessarily in a good way) nation that's been able to escape — until very recently scrutiny — because it hated drawing attention to itself…and mostly in fear that they'd have to be more progressive if they did.

Negropolis May 9, 2012 at 10:51 pm

The article says she gained citizenship through her husband, who is a citizen.

flamingpdog May 10, 2012 at 1:10 am

Marcus should fit right in then. I hear he's a big fan of Fractured Fairy Tails.

Fare la Volpe May 10, 2012 at 7:08 am

Switzerland is also the only nation in the developed world other than the US whose healthcare system is completely privatized (it's also completely mandatory – just for funsies). As you can imagine, they have the second highest healthcare costs per capita in the world, second only to the US.

laurieleigh May 9, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I understand that the Swiss do not have to release information on the banking habits of Swiss citizens. Maybe she's going to stash some of the big government money she made as a government lawyer, on farm subsidies, for the 23 foster kids, for Marcus' pray-away-the-gay therapy, or for Congress.

dadanarchist May 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Bachmann has resigned as an American to spend more time with Mitt's money.

Sharkey May 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

THAT BITCH!

marinmaven May 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

As a person with partial Swiss descent I am saddened to hear that land of my heritage will be spoiled, but given their reputation of hoarding Holocaust gold and art the shark has jumped for that country a while ago. What a fitting development that the Swiss is taking in the Crazy Eyes as one of their own. Maybe they can take others of her ilk. Oh please, oh please, oh please…

trampndirtdown May 9, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Someone found a light bulb stash.

comrad_darkness May 9, 2012 at 10:35 pm

You silly liberals, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IDEOLOGY. Only power. Sheesh.

Also, how in the heck did she get Swiss citizenship? This is no small feat in and off itself.

elfgoldsackring May 9, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Like some contagious disease — Marcus got it via his parents and passed it on to her.

Obviously no-one mentioned to Marcus that Switzerland recognizes same-sex partners for immigration, else it could have been a whole new start for him!

ttommyunger May 9, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Since Marcus absolutely refuses, she thinks she can find somebody over there willing to yodel in her canyon. Good luck with that.

stncmchnc May 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Plenty of gays in need of the cure in Switzerland. Go get 'em Marcus, and Gawdspeed.

tessiee May 9, 2012 at 10:44 pm

1. Obama comes out (get it? ya get it, huh?) in favor of equal rights for gay marriage.
2. Michele gets a passport to Switzerland.
3. Marcus, left home alone, ????
4. Profit!

RadioRehab May 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Maybe she's running gay money for Mitt.

Negropolis May 9, 2012 at 10:48 pm

This is one stranger you would not want to find in the Alps.

Yeah, yeah. I'm going to ride this joke 'til the wheels fall off.

valgal2342 May 9, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Doe, a deer, a female dear
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name, I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sew
Tea, a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to do oh oh oh

RadioRehab May 10, 2012 at 1:19 am

One of her favorite movies, The Sound of Muzak, especially the Nazi parts.

Warpde May 9, 2012 at 11:24 pm

WHY ARE YOU CAP LOCKING AT ME/US.
WHAT HAVE I/WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS ENLARGING OF ARIAL FONT, OR SAN SERIF, IF I HAD THAT AS MY DEFAULT, WHICH I DON'T, BECAUSE IT SUCKS, BUT NOT AS BAD AS HELVETICA, ESPECIALLY 35 NUE, OR FUTIGER,
I PREFER TIMES ROMAN OR CALIBRE.
COMIC SANS IS INTERESTING THOUGH.

What the hell are we talking about?
Now I'm lost.

imissopus May 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

HEY KIRSTEN, WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FUCKING HOSTILITY, HUH? HUH??!!

HistoriCat May 9, 2012 at 11:36 pm

Apparently the Editrix isn't the only one who is in need of getting laid on a Saturday.

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 5:20 am

There ARE volunteers!

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 2:02 am

She thought she was going home for a cocktail. Then THIS.

rickmaci May 10, 2012 at 12:35 am

The Congressional Oath of office:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God. "

The "true faith and allegiance" part was added after the Civil War to deal with weeding out those of divided loyalties from the insurrectionist states. Whether she is no longer eligible to sit in Congress is not just some snarky question meant to pimp old Crazy Eyes. This is as serious as a long form birth certificate.

gurukalehuru May 10, 2012 at 12:41 am

She wants to be closer to Mitt Romney's money.

savethispatient May 10, 2012 at 1:10 am

Ha! I wish I'd thought of that. To continue on that riff:

All of Mitt's friends own Swiss Bank accounts. The secrecy is just the right height.

BarackMyWorld May 10, 2012 at 5:36 am

Someone already thought of it 3 hours earlier.

BarackMyWorld May 10, 2012 at 1:30 am

In other news: Study looks at economic mobility state by state

Spoiler Alert: The worst states are in the south.

Jukesgrrl May 10, 2012 at 2:06 am

I left Pennsylvania (green) and moved to Arizona (gray) and shockingly my income also went south. But at least Arizona doesn't have any of those stinking, unAmurkin unions!!!!11

V572 Is this him? May 10, 2012 at 4:28 am

The sovereignty-desiring nation of Dumbfuckistan shows its true colors once again. No one's going to spread the wealth around there.

BZ1 May 10, 2012 at 3:06 am

Switzerland, please take your new Swiss Miss!

thatsitfortheother1 May 10, 2012 at 4:50 am

Cuz nothing says 'Merican like dual citizenship.

niblick77 May 10, 2012 at 8:25 am

She is so unpatriotic, she had to marry a Swiss gay. He Michele, what is wrong with having a good ole American gay as a husband, huh?

chitrade May 10, 2012 at 8:32 am

Yeah, haha. Ha. Teh sozialism. As my former governor would say, a Swiss passport is a valuable fucking thing. It's especially valuable if you need to escape a country in a hurry. Like if it's been invaded, or the economy implodes, or they start rounding up people who look like you to put in camps…

What does Bachmann know that we don't?

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

That's a trick question, as it uses "Bachman" and "know" in the same sentence.

NorbertsRevenge May 10, 2012 at 8:34 am

Bachmann Turncoat Overdrive.

Negropolis May 10, 2012 at 8:40 am

The Swiss healthcare system isn't considerably different than our own, and it's really an oddball in Western Europe. The government offers subsidies and it's far more heavily regulated than our system, but you still have to purchase your own insurance. It's certainly not anywhere close to being "socialized medicine."

randcoolcatdaddy May 10, 2012 at 10:28 am

I had no idea that Marcus was so into Nordic blondes…

LeAlbatross May 10, 2012 at 12:12 pm

So, a country that acted as banker for the Nazis, has several parliamentarians on the ultra-right, and a growing number of skinhead Neo-Nazis. She'll be well at home there.

smokefilledroommate May 9, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Apparently, Florida must be the buttcrack state. That story's pretty sad, though.

RadioRehab May 9, 2012 at 11:40 pm

Where's hoot-boy? I canton beat that.

not that Dewey May 9, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Tag! Heuer it!

EDIT: I haven't seen hoot-boy, or even the Dok. They should have been here by now. Puns are like Bat-signals to them, or like making a masking tape "X" on the window.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 9, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Oh-ho-ho, like I'm GOIN' down there, you overfed pile of fluff. Don't think I haven't seen what you kittehs do in those horror movies. I watched Alien at least a dozen times, yaknow.

smokefilledroommate May 10, 2012 at 12:19 am

Creating Swiss puns Tissot easy!

user-of-owls May 10, 2012 at 12:36 am

You don't want me to ruin your fun, do you?

MosesInvests May 10, 2012 at 12:29 am

Just a point of information. And not all of us are Orthodox/settler/right-wing nutjobs.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:30 am

And the AlpacaLips. (Thanks, MosesInvests!)

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:33 am

Hey! You just hit 84! Whatever you're doing, it's working. I never could figure out what makes it work, but it seems to be a combination of (1) following other people (2) getting other people to follow you (which kind of pretty automatically happens when YOU follow THEM, of course, and it makes sense that the SW is designed to reward community involvement); number of responses to your comments; and number of upfisties you get, now that we no longer have downfisties.

But then again, I'm not a very observant soul, so there's that.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:36 am

I'm well aware of that. Some of my best friends, and et cetera. In fact, some of my best friends hate some of my other best friends because their degree of Jewishness is suspect (they don't maybe keep glatt kosher), and besides I have yiddischkeit.

It's a tough line to tread.

RadioRehab May 10, 2012 at 1:05 am

What holed you up?

smokefilledroommate May 10, 2012 at 2:49 am

I love fun! Guilty as chardged.

not that Dewey May 10, 2012 at 7:56 am

You gruyere hair, so I grew mine.

George Spelvin May 10, 2012 at 1:28 am

Geneva said that!!

Boojum May 10, 2012 at 4:58 am

Is glatt kosher those little wieners in a can or the other thing?

Fare la Volpe May 10, 2012 at 7:17 am

When my friends and I were about 10, we were convinced that Jonesy the Cat was in on the alien attacks the whole time, and played out elaborate scenarios wherein he was revealed to be the true villain all along. "Feed me Whiskas instead of Fancy Feast, will you? TASTE MY WRATH."

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

The other thing.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 10, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Me LIKEY! Those little fuckers would sell the whole damn human species out for a better brand of cat food!

12X34X May 10, 2012 at 10:23 pm

The Alpacapocalypse.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Paca-poca-POW-POW-POW!

Also too Glico Pocky!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Kisses and hugs for all your goodness, sweet lady. Trust me on this, if I win the Megamillions I will track you down and give you that $140K — and anything else you ask for (short of the entire amount — I need SOME money to throw at other people, like Chascates, for instance).

Jukesgrrl May 12, 2012 at 2:23 am

Oh, wouldn't it be fun to all be rich together!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 13, 2012 at 2:11 am

Wouldn't it, though! (Hugs the grrl fondly)

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