Breaking! Obama Evolves Back To Gay Marriage Stance He Held In 1996

Congratulations, Gays! President Barack Obama has finally come out of the closet, REPORTEDLY, about his belief that gay people should have the same marriage rights as Kim Kardashian and that goofball, whatshisfuck. Of course, liberals have always believed that he always believed this, mostly because he said so, back in 1996, when he was not yet running for president. But then he did run for president, so he evolved. And now he evolved again, it looks like. (He has not been a Profile in Courage on this, we are saying.) But you know, it's cool, bygones!

And now Martin Bashir is all over Your Wonkette's teevee making blah-de-blah, so we have switched to our lover, Shep Smith, who is very happy that BO has joined him in the 21st Century, and WHY has Fox not fired him yet? It is all probably Joe Biden's fault for letting the gaffe out of the bag, which led to Worst Press Secretary Ever, Jay Carney, getting reamed in the bottom for 45 minutes by liberal media who were all "So why's the Preezy of the United Steezy LYING, CONSTANTLY, about this" (because everybody could tell he was sort of lying), and Carney was basically like, "That statement is no longer operative." Sometimes you just gotta go with a classic.

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney has been evolving in the other direction, and has gone from being Governor Gay Marriage to now opposing even civil unions. Swell guy. [ Mediaite ]