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Who would vote against that mullet? Well, here is some fine post-Election Day news for you! Seems another Democrat besides President I Guess It Rains Down In Africa was on the primary ballot in West Virginny, and, with 83 percent of precincts reporting, 40 percent of the Democrats there voted for him! So who is Keith Judd? Well, he is currently serving 17 years for extortion, and about him nothing else is known. Those election results seem … odd somehow? Almost as if the mountain-mama “Democrats” roundabouts might have some other sort of reason not to vote for their party’s standard bearer! What could it be?

It is probably because President Obama spiked the football too much on killing Bin Laden, we bet. Nope. No other possible reason.

[ABC]

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  • nounverb911

    Considering that Inmate No. 11593-051's their first cousin it doesn't sound so strange.

  • Arken

    But at least he ain't no nigra!

  • edgydrifter

    You can tell by his skin tone that he has a strong moral character and good leadership qualities.

  • Barb

    If you have to say, "I ain't prejudiced" when you speak of not wanting to vote for a black person, you probably are.

    • Arken

      She ain't prejudiced or nothing, she just hates black people.

      • Barb

        Have you ever noticed that most bigots have one black person that they LOVE and their hateful rules don't apply to? For my dad, it was Red Foxx.

        My dad would beat me with a belt until I was breathless when he would find Michael Jackson records in my room. Funny story, when my dad died, Nancy called me and told me that I could start listening to Michael Jackson music again. Michael Jackson and my dad died on the same day, within an hour of each other.

        • Arken

          “He's one of the good ones.”

        • MissNancyPriss

          Holy crap, I'm sorry, B!

        • SorosBot

          God, that's awful; I'm just glad that you managed to turn into an awesome and sane adult after that childhood.

          • Barb

            Thanks, Soros!

        • redarmyzombie

          Barb,

          I think I speak for everyone here when I ask if I/we have permission to piss on his grave.

          May we?

    • ph7

      I ain't prejudiced either. I just disagree with these crackers.

  • spends2much

    Keith Judd can probably blow Dixie on the jug, after removing his one front tooth.

    Plus, he's white, obvs.

    • chicken_thief

      "blow Dixie on the jug"?!

      That actually sounds like it might be fun, though I'm not familiar with the phrase. Can you give me a little hint what all it entails? Unless Dixie is your dog or pet goat, I might try it once….

      • Biff

        But Dixie is usually a girl's name.

        • I wish I was in Dixie, away down south in Dixie …

          Hmm … you might have something there, Biffster.

  • There are Democrats in WV?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Well, pre 1972 Southern Fried Democrats (i.e. racist nut jobs). Never forget, WV stayed with the union because it didn't have any black people, not because they wanted to free those nasty darkies.

    • I remember Ken Rudin on Talk Of The Nation's "Politics Wednesday" saying how WV Dems exist, but they're very different from all other Democrats… or something like that.

      • You know, just like we're always saying, "Well, he's a Northeastern Republican, not quite like the Republicans down south …."

    • HistoriCat

      West Virginia is about 40 – 200 years behind the rest of us.

      • Boojum

        Or, depending on whether Republicans take and keep power, ahead.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Joe Balls on His Chin Libel!!!

    • Negropolis

      Yes, the kind that don't exist, anymore. The old-fashioned, virulently racist kind. Think Robert Byrd before he got some goddamned sense. In fact, WV is one of the last strongholds of the Old Democrats; they were purged everywhere else (i.e. the Dixiecrats).

  • prommie

    John Denver Libel!

    • Country Rhodes. The ghost of beloved Cecil is alive and well in West Virginnie.

  • OurHoboSenator

    Dear West Virginia,

    Thank you for making us seem sane by comparison

    Love, Ohio

    • After last night, it's North Carolina's turn to write that letter.

  • SexySmurf

    Let's clear this up once and for all. Is the lyric "I guess it rains down in Africa," "I passed the rains down in Africa" or "I blessed the rains down in Africa"? I always thought it was the latter, but none of them actually make lyrical sense.

    • SorosBot

      It's "I bless the rains", and no it doesn't seem to make much sense, and damn you for sticking that song in my head.

      • The idea is it forces he and the woman flying in on whispers of some quiet conversation to stay indoors and fix the relationship.

        Sheesh. Yout' is wasted on the young.

      • MissTaken

        It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

        Oh god, it's spreading!

        • SorosBot

          Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you – Aaah no, it is! At least this time it's not my fault; damn that sexy smurf.

          • MissTaken

            But I do blame you for putting Les Miz in my head….again.

          • Generation[redacted]

            I blame the rains down in Africa.

          • That's a funny euphemism– "Lay Ms"!

          • Boojum

            Or Lez Ms.

            Damn libber lesbians.

            True story. I was in court, striking a jury, when one potential juror started bleating about how corporations were all PC and gave preference to "Lebanese" women. We were all confused, until we realized he meant lesbian.

          • Wait….there's a job smacking idiots who couldn't get out of jury duty around?

            Where do I sign up?

          • James Michael Curley

            Or possibly Marlo Thomas.

          • Dear god. (Double facepalm)

          • SorosBot

            Oh, sorry; but then that's actually some good music at least. Besides at least last week you got to laugh at me drunkenly singing show tunes.

          • You guys are spending every weekend together? Wow. So when do the announcements go out?

          • SorosBot

            No, having the entire length of the continental US between us prevents that; but we do talk to each other on either the phone or Skype almost every day or night.

          • Boojum

            If you would like to assign your proxy to me, I'm sure I could help. Wait, who's on which coast?

          • This makes me very happy, SB. Now if only I could magick you up a JOB right here on the Left Coast, we could ALL be happy. Let me be the first to hug you both with the hug of happiness.

          • SorosBot

            Aw, thanks.

          • I'd worry less about what he's putting in your head, and more about what he's putting elsewhere, dear.

          • MosesInvests

            Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like an empress above the Serengeti….

    • It's "I bless the rains down in Africa"

      • BerkeleyBear

        I always thought it was "I brought the rains down in Africa" which could be "I brought the reigns down in Africa" which would be a whole different song.

        • SorosBot

          That would make sense if it was sung by Storm, who was worshiped as a goddess by those Africans who were apparently still all primitive spear-carrying tribesmen as recently as the 1970s before she joined the X-Men.

          • prommie

            Its kinda in the same vein as when Alanis Morrisette sang "thank you India." An entire continent has meaning only insofar as it had some impact on the singer's life. Not at all self-centered, is it? Personally, I thank God for 9-11, because I got the day off.

          • Well, now, let's be fair: we can only experience that which we ourselves experience. She thanked an entire continent for improving her life. That's the extent of the impact on her, yea, but she's the one writing the song.

            Now, if she had said the sum total of the existence of those darkies was to make her life better, well, Gunga Din would have something to say to her.

          • SorosBot

            Alanis didn't thank an entire continent for improving her life; India's just one country, albeit a very big one. Toto did thank a whole continent though.

          • Look, it's a subcontinent, but it's sex life doesn't matter to me, aight?

          • Over one billion "Gunga Dins" would have something to say to her.

          • Biff

            I got the day off for reagan's funeral, top that!

          • Amazing what those Africans will do, innit?

            It took white people YEARS to figure out that what the locals were calling them was NOT a term of endearment. Damn, they got themselves one huge ego.

          • Wait….Bwana is not a term of respect?

            Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, wait till I get my hands on Mbeke!!!!!!

          • Oh, stop, you little horror! (hugs the actor) I forget which African language it is, but you know very well Bwana means "Lord," which is why you hear it in so many African hymns.

        • DaRooster

          Like British?

        • Boojum

          Or "I brought the reins down on Africa", which is a little BDSM.

    • I think it's, "I lost my brains down in Africa."

      • That's after you hear the song enough times.

        • Biff

          ie: more than once.

      • I like that best of all. (Hugs the Derrick)

        • Hey! I'm putting up some new dumb bird pictures right now!

          • I'm'a hurry right over!

            Still looking at camera specs. I have some old SLR lenses left over, Canon and Nikon, and the pretty little lady (she's VERY pretty and VERY little) at the photo shop tells me I can use them with the nifty new digital body, which also does video. Going camera-(window)-shopping again on Sunday.

          • I know Nikon made their digicams with essentially the same mounts as their film cams so you can use legacy lenses, except no autofocus and the thru the lens metering is a little suspect, but I guess I should have known Canon would too.

          • what you said.

          • You might need an adapter and AF may be disabled. So ask.

          • Thank you.

            Those pileateds are SO STUNNING, they almost look fake! Love all the new birds!

          • Yeah, They're super cool and they are big…about the size of a crow!

          • Bird story for you: My sister feeds the birds at her house, every morning before leaving for work. There's rosellas, a family of crows, those beautiful-voiced honey-eaters, and several small finches and sparrows and the like. A hawk came over one day, and I was worried that it would start treating the bird feeder as its own feeder, but the father crow chased the hawk away! I didn't know they did that!

            Anyway. I spent a lot of time studying the birds, thanks to you!

    • BerkeleyBear

      We are really debating the lyrics of a band named after Dorothy's freaking dog? I guess we are.

      • SorosBot

        But hey, their soundtrack to the Lynch version of Dune was cool at least.

        • I still desperately need to see that movie; I feel particularly bad, because a relative of mine played the Padisah Emperor Shaddam Corrino IV (though I hear the miniseries is pretty great too!).

          • The, um, movie…how do I put this? Sucked.

            You're related to Jose Ferrer?

          • Grandfather's cousin. It's a pretty enormous family, though, so this really just starts and ends as a fun conversation topic.

            One would think that being related to George Clooney, albeit indirectly, would make for a better pickup line, but…

          • SorosBot

            I still like the Lynch movie, though I know a lot of people hate it; maybe it comes from seeing it when I was a kid. But the Sci-Fi miniseries was awful, even though with all the extra runtime they were much more true to the book; most of the acting was awful and the production values were cheap and horrible in the typical Sci-Fi Channel way; in particular the depiction of the Fremen communities, which all looked super-clean, was just bad.

          • Huh; my friends in college were pretty agog over the the miniseries, though admittedly I had scarecely had enough familiarity with Dune to pay much attention to the series, at the time.

            For a sci fi nerd, I'm awfully deprived.

          • If it's any consolation, I thought the miniseries sucked too.

            Just not as bad as the vaginal/phallic movie

            I'm thinking if they had just left the inner voice dialogue out, the movie would have been 100% better, which is still not saying much

      • MissTaken

        Dorothy's dog wrote a song about Rosanna Arquette? How cool!

        • In fairness, Roseanne was a bit slutty.

          She also holds the distinction of being only the second blonde for whom multiple number one pop hits were written about. Marilyn Monroe was the first.

        • not that Dewey

          "Surrender, Dorothy"

      • GOPCrusher

        Could be worse. Could be 10CC.

    • also, is the first line, "Kenyan Muslins cry out in the night…?"

    • Karma_Suture
      • commiegirl

        Everybody in my fambly loves that video, not even kidding. We watched it like 6 times in a row.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I thought it was, "I passed the wind down in Africa". Learning something new every day, I guess.

    • Dang, do i feel stupid, well, yes I do. I always thought it was "I felt the rain down in Africa"

  • skoalrebel

    Given the choice between the nigger and the white felon, always take the white felon. [spit!] That's how we do it in real America.

    • DaRooster

      I will take your vote… thanks [ptooey]

    • pexonian

      I can't believe 37 people gave a racist asshole like you a thumbs up.

  • Steverino247

    Had he been out of prison, he would have been arrested in Florida with those other assholes.

  • HELisforHEL

    Oy, this country.

  • memzilla

    ♫ ♪ Take Me Home… Country Toads…
    … To the place… I belong…
    West Virginia…
    Klan's a-meetin'…
    …Country Toads… ♫ ♪

  • Come here a minute

    They'd pick inmate number 04475-046 over Obama.

    • Stevola

      No, he's one of them global warming hoax believers.

    • SorosBot

      But what about inmate 24601?

    • MissTaken

      He *is* a white after all and lived in a cabin more luxurious than any of their homes.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Hmmm… I agree with his global warming platform, not so much with his sending mail bomb platform.

    • joobajooba

      You know who else, besides global warming "believers," evokes comparisons with Ted Kaczynski?

    • Boojum

      As long as it isn't 8675309.

    • If you've ever read his manifesto, you'll gladly spring for additional security for the guy out of your own fucking pocket.

      I have never read such an obnoxious, obviously insane, utterly misogynistic screed in my whole life, not even from the Marquis de Sade, and I do believe I have read EVERYTHING by the Marquis de Sade. He sounds like some RonPaulite possiblybrilliant-yet-definitelytwisted Libertarian nutbag who is permanently incapable of hearing/listening to anyone/thing but the voices in his head. Great god what an abysmal waste of time that was!

  • Steverino247

    During the Democratic Primary in 2008, I don't think Obama won a single county in Appalachia. And it wasn't because they liked the idea of a woman President, either. I think their motto was stolen from Pink Floyd: We Don't Need No Education.

    • GOPCrusher

      Even after the general election, the map of the United States that showed by county who voted for Obama and who voted for McCain, the McCain counties looked like a Travel Log For Great Incestuous Adventures Across America.

  • In fairness, Inmate No. 11593-051 sucks, too.

    But in the sexytime way

    Excuse me, Editrix, but quite a bit is known about him. For one thing, he's a former member of the Federation of Super Heroes!

    • SayItWithWookies

      10. Favorite president: Richard Nixon. “He got us out of Vietnam, and began world peace with China and the Soviets.”

      Ha ha — them damn yokels voted for a commie-lover who founded the EPA.

      • I'm not speaking for Judd, but my suspicion is he supports the legalization of drugs.

    • RedneckMuslin

      Hey! He's not no resident! Scalawag!

    • emmelemm

      Rastafarian Christian? Really?

      • Yea, I tried sorting that one out in my head, and realized I'd need a joint.

    • George Spelvin

      Well, I'll give him Mozart.

  • West Virginia… where it's okay to have black lung, but not okay to have black skin.

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m assuming Inmate No. 11593-051 nuanced positions on foreign policy and his seminal editorial on the limits of the Federal Reserve swayed a lot of Virginians.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Is he one of the Beagle Boys? Because they are always trying to steal job-creator Scrooge McDuck's pile of filthy lucre, too.

  • Baconzgood

    Aaaah, West Virginia. The West Virginia of America. I have a co-worker who grew up and still lives there. No shit, he handed me pamphlet from John Birch about Agenda 21. Then I laughed and laughed and laughed at him.

    • "Grew up?"
      Doesn't sound like it, Baconz.

      • Biff

        Two women I know have some WV connections: one was born there and currently resides in Santa Cruz, while the other one was born in California and currently resides in WV. Both of them play the most beautiful music, and sing like birds…

    • Boojum

      Then he shot you, because they do that.

    • GOPCrusher

      Wasn't Lynddie England from West Virginia?

  • DaRooster

    Inmate No. 11593-051/Diebold 2012!!

  • Dildeaux

    Reeducation camp construction in WV brought much needed jobs to the area.
    Damn WV. Show some respect.

  • hagajim

    I guess that cinches it. Either 40% of West Virginia Democrats are racists, or morans, or both.

  • In West Virginny their blue dog Democrats are apparently as valued as their blue tick hounds — or at least as well trained, from the sound of their bayhing.

  • scorpy1

    'Course, since West Virginia has a semi-closed process, I have to wonder how much of the vote came from "new" Democrats. Yay.

    • Callyson

      I read that as "West Virginia has a semi-closeted process." Which would explain a lot.

    • DOUBLE DIGIT LIBEL!

    • TootsStansbury

      I thought this too (glimmer of hope) but it's West Virginia so naaah.

  • mavenmaven

    West Virginia- where the mean IQ is roughly equivalent to the mean number of remaining post-meth teeth.

  • Callyson

    Nearly Half Of West Virginia Democrats Are For ‘Inmate No. 11593-051′

    /fixed

  • SorosBot

    Considering that West Virginia went disproportionally Republican in 2008 compared to national results and historical trends, I'm sure this has nothing to do with race.

  • Steverino247

    West Virginia: Beautiful place. Ugly people.

    So, how's that rejection of hope and change working out for ya?

  • chicken_thief

    This article is a little deceptive – Barry crushed the felon 59 – 41, (go negro! go negro!!!) but (whiter that rice) Mittens only got 3K more votes than our incarcerated pal.

    Suck on that, Repubs!

  • GUYS: it's completely racist to suggest that there's any non-policy reason why West Virginia Democrats would vote for a convicted felon who won't be released until next June at the earliest, has no policy positions to speak of, and also has a giant Joe Dirt style mullet, over the incumbent President. Stop being reverse racists, or the ghost of Andrew Breitbart will start drunkely shouting at/groping you!

    • Shoot, Joe Dirt has nothing on that dude's mullet.

  • mormos

    southern racists: yeah we'll take the convicted felon over the blah dude.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Well, being the fattest state in the union, there is that Michelle problem with her skinniness.

  • Barb

    Oopsie, I left the funny part out. I hated my dad. He was a 6' 9" tall terrorist who hated women. blacks, Mexicans and anyone who disagreed with him.

    I called Jeff at work to tell him that my father was dead. He came home and I was in the kitchen, eating an apple. I kissed him and he went back to work with an apple of his own. I didn't even bother going to the funeral. Nancy sent me a bill for the cremation though.

    • JerkCade

      I'm sorry about your dad and about tiny Barb in the past.

      There are lots of people I despise, some I detest, many I deride, and others I dismiss. I try not to hate as it's too hard on my metabolism.

      • Barb

        You are sweet, thanks!

    • I hate him too, for laying violent hands upon his own little girl. Poor Little Barb! I hug her from decades away.

    • Boojum

      One of my favorite quotes ever would seem to apply:

      Upon him I will visit famine and a fire.
      Till all around him desolation rings
      And all the demons in the outer dark
      Look on amazed and recognize
      That vengeance is the business of a man.

    • CivicHoliday

      Your dad sounds like a gem. I hope you found a creative final resting place for the ashes.

      • Some of my mom's ashes are currently shuttling around Korea, Japan, Singapore, Indonesia.

        Wut? She SAID she always wanted to travel!

      • Barb

        Nancy has both my parents ashes. She wants me to take her to Tennessee and scatter dad at the site of the Battle of Franklin. It's like the triple threat of things I won't be involved with:

        1. Dead people
        2. Nancy
        3. Civil War Battleground sites.

        • CivicHoliday

          Hmm. Understandable that you'd feel reluctant…but perhaps it would be worth the trip if his ashes mysteriously ended up in a motel toilet? We all need closure, after all.

        • ph7

          Ashes are overrated. My Dad's ashes, who I loved, sit on a shelf in my bedroom, bearing witness to my life. His ashes have seen me doing some weird shit with my wife, and seen my little shits treat me in the same shitty way I once treated him. But the ashes are him; its just a creepy glass jar of bone chunks and soot. He was unspoken atheist, so he's probably be disappointed if I gave his biological remnants some metaphysical importance.

  • Biff

    Keith Judd – also known as Inmate No. 11593-051 at the Federal Correctional Institution in Texarkana, Texas

    See how dumb they are in West By God Virginny? He's a Texan, running for Preznit in West By God Virginny!

  • Puffperney

    Your move South Carolina…

  • metamarcisf

    We want Barrabas !!

  • I suspect that West Virginians are bummed we have Presidential term limits; otherwise, they might've had the chance to vote for the white felon over the blah guy in a general election as well.

  • johnnymeatworth

    OH SHIT!! BROKERED CONVENTION!!!

  • vodkamuppet

    I've been to 46 of the lower 48 and never encountered an overwhelming wave of stupid like West Virginia. I dated a girl from Wheeling and that girl was a lovable moron. Pretty but so dumb it was endearing.

  • Arkoday

    Ah'd also vote fer him too as well butt ah here he beieileieves in Global Warming. Also. Saw it on one'er dem billyboards.

  • These stupid yokels in WV get back over a buck and six bits back for every Federal tax dollar collected. Mehbe they aren't so fucking dumb.

    • vodkamuppet

      Ask a West Virginian what a buck and 6 bits means and you'll rethink that.

  • CapnFatback

    In West Virginny, they prefer coal-induced blackface to natural.

  • carolinaswamp

    Thank you, West Virginia!!!

    yours sincerely
    South Carolina

  • owhatever

    I guess I won't be retiring to West Virginia, either. But I wasn't going to do that anyway, for I have no desire to burn on a neck tattoo, get arrested and run for President.

  • James Michael Curley

    At least Inmate No. 11593-051 won't be sneaking out and ruining all Bush's glorious wars.

  • MosesInvests

    I have an aunt (by marriage) from West Virginia. She's mellowed a lot as she's gotten older, but when she was young, she could be mean as hell and you never knew when the meanness was going to come out (probably bipolar, but never diagnosed). And she was the sane one in her family.

  • DocChaos

    West Virginia "I ain't prejudice" = I'm not in favor of lynching black people for being too familiar or trying to vote, but if I was okay with them being in positions of authority I'd have moved to a state that actually has them.

  • DustBowlBlues

    A Republican dick did the same thing in OK, and I think he was the legislator who got in some legal trouble so, there you go, it's a trend.

    PS He didn't do as well as the felon. I heard this guys name once, but didn't know what the pundits (except they never have puns like the wonkeratti do.) was talking about. Thank goodness wonkette keeps me informed.

  • dancesw_cougars

    Who's pickin' the banjo here?

  • DahBoner

    West Virginia, where Krispy Kreme donuts is considered to be health food…

  • DustBowlBlues

    That old lady sounds like most of the people who live in this little town. Since OK is one of the friendliest states in the union (for real) I'm sure glad I'm white so I can soak up some of the friendly. They don't want no n*r as president, neither. Not because they're racist.

    Reality has far less sway with the ignorant than the latest preposterous email that their church friends send them. It gets worse at the level of meth-addicts. Mostly, they're white trash. Republicans in this state have starved public education for the past 60 years and now they're reaping the benefits.

  • ttommyunger

    And I thought Georgia was a perfect storm of ignorance and fear….

  • keinsignal

    So uh just out of curiosity do they do that electronic voting thing in West Virginia?

    • keinsignal

      I'm just kind of scraping for an explanation for this that isn't heinous is all. It's a little early in the day to have my faith in humanity run through a wood chipper.

  • Meh, West Virginia sent a Dem to the Senate last year after he filmed a TV ad that showed him shooting a copy of the ACA with a high-powered rifle. I think Dems there are not yet aware that almost all of their ilk went over to the GOP by the late sixties.

  • GOPCrusher

    Wait a minute? In that mug shot picture, is that a mullet ponytail or a shadow on his left shoulder?

  • a_pink_poodle

    BARABUS! BARABUS!

  • They probably just thought he was some relation to Ashley Judd.

  • DocChaos

    How do we know the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia?

    Had it been anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush.

  • Negropolis

    I knw — I absolutely knew not to click on that, but I gone did it, anyways. :(

  • bikerlaureate

    Who paid this guy's filing fee?

  • NewtsUndies

    Oh! Because he's black. I genuinely thought the Wonkettes meant they didn't vote for him because he is a pathetic,spineless corporate Republican running as a Democrat. I guess that's just because that's why I wouldn't vote for him.

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