catering the race war

Local Virginia Republicans Offer ‘Armed Revolution,’ Jell-O Salad

southern hospitalityHey Greene County, Virginia, GOP! We bet you are down-home fellas what love your wives and neighbors and hardly ever beat your dogs. Do you perhaps have some words of wisdom for the rest of us? Maybe here in this March newsletter article “Rallying Against the Living Wage,” or this one, “Is Barack Hussein Obama America’s Most Biblically-Hostile U. S. President?” (Yes, duh.) How about this very important article on “Political Action Against Islamic Infiltration,” which spreads the Good Word about an upcoming presentation on Sharia law that explains the “pro-Islamic discrimination in our K-12 schools, where children are being indoctrinated in the superiority of Islam over all religions and special Sharia dispensations are demanded for Muslims.” Sure, those are good things to know, but we were thinking more along the lines of something really FER REAL AMERICAN. Oh, and via Right Wing Watch, here is a letter from the editor of your Greene County, Virginia, GOP newsletter!

“The ultimate task for the people is to remain vigilant and aware ~ that the government, their government is out of control, and this moment, this opportunity, must not be forsaken, must not escape us, for we shall not have any coarse [sic] but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November ~ This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue.”

Armed revolution? That sounds manly! Do tell us and the FBI more!

We have before us a challenge to remove an ideologue unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized. An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength [sic] over the entire world. An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might. In the coming days and weeks ~ we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s [sic], that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk.

Oh, that was it? Just your garden-variety “Obama is the worst person who has ever lived on this earth, times Fidel Castro, minus Raul, and we will have another civil war if we lose the election because that is how democracy works”? Okay, then let’s hear more about the Sharia thing!

The meeting will be held at the Madison Presbyterian Church, 1236 Fishback Road, Rt. 722 at the north traffic light. Everyone is invited to attend this informative meeting. The club will be serving corned beef and cabbage, boiled potatoes, carrots, Jell-O salads, and other types of salads and dessert. Dinner: $7

We wonder if they have met these nice white supremacists whom the fibbies are busily putting in FEMA camps, just for planning an armed insurrection of their own. Man, it is like you cannot even commit treason anymore unless you are Barack Nobama! Too bad, so sad, but on the upside: Jell-O salad for everyone! [RightWingWatch]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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188 comments

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Are those OLIVES WITH PIMENTOS IN THAT SHIT OHMYGOD!!!!
        Seriously, that is so fucking gross, it is the perfect symbol for this nasty idiot here.

        1. prommie

          I was just gonna post this exact same thing, fucking olives? In lime jello? What unholy abomination is this?

          1. Generation[redacted]

            God has Satan, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster has the Unholy Jello Abomination.

        2. prommie

          Of course, in my role as The Vestryman (I keep seeing the opening credits of The Rifleman, starring Chuck Connors), I have picked politely at my share of ambrosia salads.

          But FUCKING OLIVES? I am gonna have to make this for my Mad Men party coming up.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            Oh man I wish I could come to your MM party. I could sing that French song in a 60s mini and you could be appalled and yell at me. Awesome.

          2. prommie

            Oh hell, we could do more than sing and yell, we could do it on the pile of coats in the spare bedroom. Do you have that in the South, do you pile all the coats on the bed in the spare bedroom, and then people who hook up during the party do it on the pile of coats? Its a tradition here.

          3. FakaktaSouth

            Okay, how'd you know? Oh, how I love me a top made from a tube! I'm sleazy and I know it. But yeah, no coats all "winter" – thanks non-existent global warming! – Tons of swappy-swinging parties though – who knew? (Not me, this is a thing about which I have only been recently made aware – here in my town I mean)

          4. prommie

            No coats, but Ice Storm-like key parties? That would be a 70s nostalgia party, dearie, I am throwing a 60s nostalgia party. In the 60s they just cheated a lot, but kept it a badly held secret. Then in the 70s, for a brief moment around February 17, 1974, the average suburban folk toyed with this swinging thing. But "swinging" has always been a military thing, said to have originated around San Diego among the military that all live there. And the South does love its military traditions, so I am not the least surprised.

          5. FakaktaSouth

            Oh of course my love, I didn't mean to suggest that swinging would be appropriate for your particular party. I was only saying that no, we don't fuck on the coats, we fuck each others' husbands, for their viewing pleasure, apparently. I dunno. It all escapes me – this seems like too much work, and the ones around town that I know are doing it (mostly doctors in this case for some reason) are in no way cuter than what I'm banging on the up and up – so, yuck and no thanks. I did see that movie though, and an episode of That 70s Show that was HI-larious.

          6. tessiee

            "Oh hell, we could do more than sing and yell, we could do it on the pile of coats in the spare bedroom. Do you have that in the South, do you pile all the coats on the bed in the spare bedroom, and then people who hook up during the party do it on the pile of coats?"

            they do it on a pile of Snugglies.

          7. prommie

            And speaking of my vestry days, isn't this typical of fucking Presbyterians? You would never catch an Episcopal church hosting any violent revolution organizing meetings. Well, maybe some low-church congregations might, but certainly not the ones that mention Mary and do with the smells and bells.

          8. prommie

            I have not seen that episode yet, don't ruin it for me. I started from the beginning on Netflix about a month ago and I am half way through season two. My wife and I have a ball watching it together, what with some man cheating on his wife about 37 times per episode, which gives my wife 37 opportunities to glare at me angrily and say angry, bitter things about "men" and how awful, evil, and rotten they all are.

        3. BerkeleyBear

          Yeah, but you gotta love the carved radish garnish. Just the care and thought plainly put into that quivering plate of ghastly crap is truly breathtaking.

  1. PuckStopsHere

    we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s [sic], that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk…

    Hey, Greene County, VA GOP: Grasp this!

    1. bagofmice

      Yeah, but the jello experience may not prove to be useful in prison, beyond the quivering.

  2. EatsBabyDingos

    Greene and Orange Counties are the dumbest part of Virginia. Of course, they are the Colored Counties. Duh.

  3. SorosBot

    I seem to recall that Virginia tried armed revolution against the US once before and it didn't go to well for them.

  4. nounverb911

    "The club will be serving corned beef and cabbage, boiled potatoes, carrots, Jell-O salads, and other types of salads and dessert"
    Don't forget your gas masks.

    1. Barb

      And they are eating this gas inducing meal in a church! Looks like someone is going to have a pew in his rectory.

  5. Barb

    Assholes need love too……but they gotta pay to get it.

    Do you get the sense that some of these people have been married three times and kept the same in-laws the whole time?

  6. DaRooster

    "You know… all of them there salads… for your health…
    Potato
    Macaroni
    Chicken
    Pasta
    Etc…"

  7. prommie

    Its a perfectly logical response to Obamacare. The provision of health care to all citizens is exactly the sort of tyranny the founding fathers rebelled against.

    1. Oblios_Cap

      If we decide that health care is a right, then people might start thinking that they have the right to think for themselves. Do we really want to head down that slippery slope?

  8. Mittens Howell, III

    You know you're at a fancy dinner when the hostess brings out Cheeseburgers in Aspic.

    1. James Michael Curley

      There was, years ago, a western chain cafeteria outside the main gate of Ft. Hood, TX one of the 'grill specialties' had the grill man make you a cheeseburger which was then put in a wire cage device and dipped into the deep fryer.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      My Canadian family is slightly obsessed with aspic (the tomato and veggies version). I have to admit that it's not bad. It's very savory, though, never sweet, and served with cold sliced beef and horseradish, as the good Lord intended.

    1. Mumbly_Joe

      Hey, remember how the birthers were citing Obama's alleged dual citizenship, which does not actually exist, as proof that he was ineligable to serve as president, which it wouldn't be, and moreover un-American, because REAL Americans would renounce the dual citizenship that he didn't have?

      I wonder what makes this situation different? OH RIGHT:

      (10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white.

    2. vtxmcrider

      I can easily picture Michele's head popping out of a cuckoo clock. It is the most rational decision she has ever made.

  9. philpjfry

    WTF is wrong with these people? Are they that stupid and hatefull they think it is a good idea to call for armed revolution? Oh yeah, that's right it is Virginia. Worked out well for them last time. Assholes

  10. Chow Yun Flat

    The meeting will be held at the Madison Presbyterian Church

    Armed insurrection against an elected government supported by the church. Sounds like Spain, 1936.

  11. SorosBot

    “Is Barack Hussein Obama America’s Most Biblically-Hostile U. S. President?”

    From the perspective of a Christian believer, particularly the fundies, I would think the most 'Biblically-hostile" US President would be the one who edited his own version of the Bible where he took the Gospels and cut out all of the supernatural portions, leaving just Jesus' preachings about helping the poor and sick and the like without any miracles, virgin births or resurrections.

    What was that guy's name again, Thomas son of Jeff I think…

    1. BerkeleyBear

      But don't you know that David Barton has a new book out to correct all the lies you lefties have about Jefferson. He really luved him some Jesus miracles, ol' Davy knows. He just cut them out to have them close at hand at all times.

      1. Mumbly_Joe

        Right, because Tommy Jeff was totally a Christian, unless you actually define "Christianity" as the belief in Jesus Christ as the divine son of God.

        To say nothing of the defintion more common to Barton's brand of right-wing Christianity, which desputes whether Mormons, Quakers, Unitarian Universalists, Jehova's Witnesses, and sometimes, for good measure, Catholics and Mainline Protestants, are Christian either.

        And Jeffy Tom also wasn't a "secularist", either, unless, instead of Barton's weird defintion, you define "secularism" as the view that the public policy should be conducted independent of religious stricture and church structures, and without granting particular favor to any faith.

      1. tessiee

        If I remember correctly, he had the *first* copy of the Quran in the US, used it to teach himself Arabic, and hosted the first White House Iftar during Ramadan.

        [which, obs, means he was a terraist...]

  12. Doktor StrangeZoom

    So, basically, the cycle is:

    1. Talk a lot about the necessity of arming yourself against inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants

    2. Arm yourself against inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants

    3. Warn all your friends, family, co-workers, and Facebook friends about the coming inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants

    4. Be ever vigilant for inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants

    5. When somebody starts taking the warnings about inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants a bit too seriously, and starts shooting cops and preschoolers, THEN that person is a lone nut who does not represent the values of True Patriots….and

    6. Explain that any proposed restrictions on firearms or investigations of right-wing militants is a sign of inevitable Gummint Tyranny and the need to refresh the Tree of Liberty with the blood of tyrants.

    7. Repeat.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Kind of like the standard NRA talking point for the last 50 years that every Democrat elected to be President is going to go door to door and take your guns.

  13. Baconzgood

    "corned beef and cabbage"

    FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCKS!!!!! YOU CAN'T SERVE IRISH FOOD AT YOUR GODDAMN PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH! SPEAKING AS AN IRISH CATHOLIC, I HAVE TO SAY GO FUCK YOUR SELVES!!!!!!!!!

    1. vodkamuppet

      Remember when it was the Irish that were trying to destroy democracy from within? Good times. No wait, that sucked too.

    2. MosesInvests

      I thought that corned beef was an American innovation, and that the real Irish food was boiled ham and cabbage?

      1. vodkamuppet

        Irish-American but yeah, not from the old country. Shepards pie however, Irish and magically delicious.

      1. Baconzgood

        Those are staples. Funny thing is the first time I have Guinness was when I was 8 at a wake.

      2. ChessieNefercat

        Potatoes. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. With butter and parsley. When my mother ventured to stretch her culinary wings, we were treated to noodles with butter and parsley. Or (gack) rice with butter and paprika (?).

        But mostly potatoes, baked, boiled, mashed, cubed, dried slices to re-hydrate (we kids thought that was a 25 pound bag of really bad potato chips which didn't stop us from eating them, dry). The lucky kids up the street got Charles Chips delivered in big canisters. Potatoes.

    3. prommie

      No fucking shit, prod bastards. Fucking Presbyterianism is responsible for all the worst shit in "Christianity," predestination and the doctrine that wealth is a sign of salvation being the fucking worst worst worst, but salvation by "faith alone" (without charitable acts) being pretty vile as well. Thats basically the spiritual foundation of modern conservatives, "I got mine because God loves me, you're poor cause God hates you, so I would be going against His will to help you."

      1. GOPCrusher

        Well, that explains why my step-mother is a staunch Presbyterian and always leaves the room when me and my retired union member father discuss how the Republiklans are trying to destroy America.

    1. Eve8Apples

      I'd love to meet the folks who were rejected for the editor job. I bet they were modern day Faulkners.

  14. DaRooster

    "This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue… so we're gonna leave!"

    Hooray!

  15. EatsBabyDingos

    I sat through Game Warden Court in Greene a few years ago. The Game Warden had put a steel deer off the side of the road, and would wait for folks to pull over and shoot it. Most of the defendants would shoot once from a hundred yards, then move forward a few dozen feet, shoot agian, move forward again, express dismay the the damn thing wouldn't go down, and after four or five shots the Game Warden would have to stop the shooting, for fear the bullet would riccochet from twenty feet away and hit said defendant. This story was told a dozen times that day in court. Not the swiftest boats in the armada.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      That's just the right amount of local color we needed to round out this story.

  16. Come here a minute

    The Fighting Keyboarders will fall well short of the enthusiasm required for armed revolution, and likely continue on their current coarse [sic] of ham-handed revolution.

  17. crybabyboehner

    There will be lots of farting going on after that corned beef and caggage. Hitler would feel right at home!

    1. vtxmcrider

      It should be quite noisy with all the assfarts and mouthfarts going on at the same time.

  18. JustPixelz

    "This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue."

    We survived the Civil Fucking War. We work on hard problems, like racism. Can't survive? They don't have a clue what America really is.

    1. Nesnora

      It's about the rage at seeing their lives get shittier like everyone else as their politicians feed them the reasons why.

      It's about seeing America elect a black president promising to personally overcome this shit with his glorious black cock and balls a piece of fabric away from the oval office chair.

      It's about gay civil rights wanting a voice when nothing has changed in their own lives, even though they pray and vote for their politicians.

      They can't survive the idea of change happening because every step everyone else takes is one leaving them behind.

      They mean "accept" when they say "survive".

      1. GOPCrusher

        When they say they want to take America back, I usually ask them what have they lost. Good for a few seconds of silence before the standard talking points come out.

  19. Oblios_Cap

    . An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength [sic] over the entire world. An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might. In the coming days and weeks ~ we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s [sic], that our future as a sovereign nation is indeed at risk.

    That's not only crazy talk, it's a damning indictment of the American educational system.

    yields it's strength? shuns biblical praise? I'm liking this Obama fellow more and more…

    1. prommie

      Where can I get a plain old japanese bike these days? They fucking stopped making them.

  20. Eve8Apples

    The quoted text could use more [sic]s.

    The author forgot to mention that word salad will also be served at the picnic.

  21. barto

    Knock knock.

    "Who's their (sic)?"

    "FBI"

    "I'm not hear (sic) write (sic) know (sic). Go aweigh (sic)." etc.

    1. not that Dewey

      "Feral" implies that they were once domesticated. I'm not convinced of that.

    1. vodkamuppet

      True story, I have a neice who burped and said "I farted out of my mouth" and her parents explained the difference between the two. She then farted and said "that one came out of my butt"

  22. Nesnora

    Psst, religious, ideological freaks carrying-out murderous, suicidal destruction against American people and its government to terrorize has *kinda* already been done before.

    You'd think they'd remember— they bought so much memorabilia and painted so many pickup trucks with crying eagles telling them to "Never Forget".

  23. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I see radishes, lettuce, green olives and is that baby corn? in that green jello. I really hope they included the recipe in the newsletter.

    -crosses fingers-

  24. Barb

    My sister, the original Obama hater, just did something that made me proud. She got the hate mail that says that Obama repainted Air Force One with his logo, blah, blah, blah. http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/airplane.asp

    Nancy came to me to ask me if this is true or not. I gave her the snopes link and she's correcting the person who sent the email. Baby steps, we just have to educate people one at a time and hope for the best.

    The funny thing is that it says at the bottom of the email, "don't believe it, check it out on snopes."

    1. ElPinche

      That's actually a big deal. I can relate because my dad is an absolute ditto-head drone and the original cromagnon Obama hater. He's actually now doing his own fact checking (using several sources that are not rightwing cesspools).
      Yep , baby steps…

      1. Barb

        Jeff's mom made the mistake of sending him the e-mail that said Obama was sworn in on a Koran. She believes everything negative about Obama without even thinking about if it is true or not. He corrected her and she went on a world class poutfest.

    2. vodkamuppet

      My older brother is a Paultard so I can relate. He's my older brother so I've looked up to him my entire life. When he goes on his libertarian rants I cringe and can't really hide my disappointment. I won him over to Obama in 08 but im not optimistic about this cycle. He's not stupid, just decieved. He's a union guy too, Op Eng 324 which MI Governor Snyder wants to destroy. I really don't get it. Baby steps indeed.

      1. doloras

        How can you be a union guy and a Paultard? Surely he should be scabbing his little heart out to let the Invisible Hand bring wages down to their natural third-world levels?

    3. GOPCrusher

      They put that disclaimer on the e-mail because they know it won't get checked by the intended audience. Snopes is wingnut kryptonite.

    4. tessiee

      "the hate mail that says that Obama repainted Air Force One with his logo"

      *scoffs*
      pffffttt!
      Lightweight.
      Whoever wrote the email shoulda said that Obama replaced the flag with a muslin crescent, or a picture of a big black dick, or something.

  25. SayItWithWookies

    You know the country is on the right path when the illiterates feel that their way of life is being threatened.

  26. Mumbletypeg

    and other kinds of salads

    WHAT THE F**K IS THAT ARUGALA IN THE SALAD WHO BROUGHT THIS ELITIST-Y SH!T SOME DIRTY PINKO INFULTRATER??!1!

  27. SorosBot

    "An elected leader who shuns biblical praise, handicaps economic ability, disrespects the honor of earned military might."

    He does what? That sentence needs a verb. So does the one before it.

  28. SenileAgitation

    I hope historic gay-loving Jesus will be there to guide them in fellowship and non-shunning of bible praise

  29. Rayn_And

    Sign at the last Greene County GOP meeting: We left our Jello Salad home…THIS time.

  30. Lascauxcaveman

    What a buncha yahoos. I hope the FBI comes and corrects there (sic) grammar and usage.

  31. ElPinche

    I want to know one thing. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING COUNTRY PUTS OLIVES INSIDE GREEN JELL-O???!!!1!! that's just nasty.

  32. Oblios_Cap

    The club will be serving corned beef and cabbage, boiled potatoes, carrots

    Those bastards will be farting like Hitler!

  33. Mumbletypeg

    Sarah Palin would approve this retreat-n'-reload, parish hall style… but day-glo green jello-mold salad even she would be forced to refoodiate.

  34. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I'm tired of all these teasing hints about the desire to kill liberals. When are the chickenshits going to actually follow through and start shooting at us?

    I mean, other than the times that they already have…

    1. SorosBot

      You mean besides the assassination of George Tiller, the assassination attempt against Gabbie Giffords, Eric Rudolph's string of bombings of abortion clinics, gay bars and the Olympics, the guy who flew his plane into the IRS building, the shooter who attacked the Unitarian church for being gay-inclusive, the attempted bombing of the MLK Day parade in Washington, Oklahoma City, etc.

      1. GOPCrusher

        All Democratic plants in the attempt to bring down the Movement.

        Seriously, Jared Lee Loughner is a ultra-liberal? Where did that meme get started?

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          One of his web accounts had a list of "favorite books" which included "The Communist Manifesto," which means he was a liberal. Of course, it also included "Mein Kampf," and since Hitler was a liberal (because "National SOCIALIST Party"), that was further "evidence." Never mind the Ayn Rand title on the list, and never mind the likelihood that, other than some of the stuff he may have read in high school, most of the titles are probably stuff he never actually read. He mentioned Marx, and so he's a liberal.

          tl;dr: Blogposts make people stoopid.

    1. CogitoErgoBibo

      Do we still have Lee-Jackson-King Day in Virginia? Or did they finally amputate the ironic "King" portion from the name of that day?

  35. Eve8Apples

    If Wonkette threw a liberal Barry lovefest, what would have on our menu? What would we put in our Jello salads?

    1. tessiee

      Don't bother doing the Rasta Gourmet thing and using ganja; it just makes you hungrier.

  36. DahBoner

    These God, Guns & Gravy Goons should stop masturbating to Gay porn long enough to learn how to read the United States Constitution, where armed insurection against the Goverment is illegal.

    Not that these idiots care about breaking the law…

  37. MissTaken

    Most people just use a hollowed out sourdough bowl to hold their spinach dip. The use of a Jell-O mold with green olives and mangoes(?) is truly inspired.

  38. Wonkette, Refudiated

    I wonder if in the years preceding the French and Russian revolutions whether the revolutionaries were having pot lucks during their planning events. I think not, but watch out when these fuckers run out of Jell-O and Slim Jims.

  39. anniegetyerfun

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed that that ISN'T lime jello so much as another savory concoction, but I Googled it, and apparently, lime jello with green olives is a thing.

  40. OneYieldRegular

    Dang. I suppose it's too late to merge tomorrow night's Wonkette gathering with this one?

  41. CapnFatback

    An individual who has come to power within a Nation which yields it’s strength [sic]
    we the people must come to grasp as a common force, our very soul’s [sic], that our future

    It's a government siege of apostrophic proportions!

  42. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So negative. Shouldn't they have gone with the headline “Is Barack Hussein Obama America’s Most Koran-Welcoming U. S. President?”

  43. CogitoErgoBibo

    My poor boyfriend is a former Democratic Party operative living in Greene County. Consider it Virginia's version of Kansas. There aren't many jobs. Many are on state assistance. But they're all Republicans. He hates it there and escapes to visit me in Charlottesville as often as he can. We're all commie, pinko Dems here, complete with a bunch of aging hippies on our city council who set up programs to distribute rain barrels and pass resolutions about local food sourcing. Takes all kinds in Virginia, but please take Greene County. We're begging you.

  44. tessiee

    “Rallying Against the Living Wage,”

    Well, it's *about time*! If there's anything I hate, it's getting paid enough to live on!

  45. tessiee

    “Is Barack Hussein Obama America’s Most Biblically-Hostile U. S. President"

    Do they really think that's enough to scare their readership into… doing something or other? "Barack Hussein Obama" is what they call him in polite company. If the "writers" of this article want to so much as get their target audience's attention, they need to call him something more… I dunno, blah and foreign… like "Barack Hussein African Muslin Sharia Law Soshulist N*****s are Taking over the Country".

  46. Wile E. Quixote

    An elected leader who shuns biblical praise,

    What the fuck does this mean? Seriously, what the fuck is "biblical praise"? Is President Obama shunning praising the Bible? If he is that's entirely understandable, the book is a total piece of shit, it's long, and boring and the plot is full of holes that the hack of an author is continually resolving by invoking an incredibly tedious deus ex machina. Seriously, it's like every book Tom Clancy has written since Without Remorse but with less sublimated homo-eroticism. Plus every single goddamned copy of it is printed on that really thin paper with really small type, so just when you're thinking "Well at least this isn't going to be as long as Atlas Shrugged was" you find out that it is in fact longer than Atlas Shrugged was due to the aforementioned use of the really thin paper and the really small type. Bastards!

    Then there's the four gospels, which all purport to tell the story of Jesus Christ, each from a different viewpoint, kind of like Rashomon, if Rashomon had been written a by a bunch of glue-sniffing chudpuppets with sphincter control issues and not by Akira Kurosawa. Then there's all of that crap-o-la that Paul wrote, which were basically letters where he was bitching at people and saying "Ur doin it rong. Get off my lawn you damned Corinthians". Whatever. Cool epistle bro, tl;dr,
    Finally there's the Book of Revelations which is totally derivative of the story of Noah in Genesis (The world is wicked sinners, God comes down and snuffs the sinners and the righteous live happily ever after. The End. It's basically the same kind of thing that Howard Hawks, John Wayne and Leigh Brackett did when they made the same film three times, Rio Bravo, El Dorado, and Rio Lobo) and which reads like the last few chapters of Atlas Shrugged if Ayn Rand had been experimenting with supplementing her daily regimen of amphetamines, gin and Chesterfield cigarettes with copious quantities of Robitussin cough syrup and LSD. Yeah, fuck the Bible, who could praise that? Game of Thrones is way better.

    1. tessiee

      Or maybe, by "biblical praise", they mean Jehovah is in favor of Obama, and will praise him by sending a flood to wipe out Virginia?


      Uh oh, I said "Jehovah".

    2. Fukui-sanYesRadio

      Seriously, it's like every book Tom Clancy has written since Without Remorse but with less sublimated homo-eroticism.

      Amazing. I laughed my arse off at that.

  47. tessiee

    "We have before us a challenge to remove an ideologue unlike anything world history has ever witnessed or recognized."

    Unless, of course, you were living in this country between 2000 and 2008.

  48. ttommyunger

    This is too sweet. These miserable fucks are the same people who put and kept Dubya in the WH for eight long years. Dubya was the only President so dumb the inefficient so as to scare America far enough away from the Republican Party to elect a young inexperienced black Democrat. I only hope they are introspective enough to realize they are responsible for putting Obama in office more than anyone else. I was in daily agony during the Bush years, now it's their turn and I dearly love watching them stew in their own hatred.

  49. ChessieNefercat

    Kind of like when murder-suicide plans go awry after the murder, but before the suicide?

  50. redarmyzombie

    "Oh, Mr. McPhee? There's a call for you on line 4. The Secret Service would like to have a word."

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