This is your bank account, slob.President Taxes has dealt a new blow to capitalism and job creation and puppies and rainbows, and that is by running a surplus for the first time since the recession ‘sploded in 2008. April saw a positive $58 billion in the old ledger column of however balance sheets work, due to increased revenues (maybe because more people have jobs?) and also cuts in stuff. And so it shouldn’t be more than 10 minutes or so — 20 at the outside — before Rich Lowry starts screaming about how he needs tax cuts, since people know better than the government how to spend their money (blowout in the As Seen On TV aisle, Bump-Its for everyone!) and also because the government has more than it needs. (The government does not actually have more than it needs, because — we’re not sure if people are aware of this — we have a thing called “a debt,” all $15 trillion of which Obama invented, in his time machine.)

The U.S. government recorded a budget surplus of $58 billion in April, the Congressional Budget Office estimated on Monday, breaking a streak of deficits that began in 2008.

The surplus — the first of Barack Obama’s presidency — was the result of both increased tax collection and lower government spending. Before April, the government had not run a surplus since September 2008, the month that the financial crisis struck the U.S. economy. […]

The improved budget picture will not put an end to election-year sparring about the deficit, however. The U.S. is running a debt of $15.7 trillion, a number often pointed out by Obama’s Republican critics, including White House hopeful Mitt Romney.

We feel like we might remember something in the far distant past, through space and time, when a country might have had a surplus, and one man wanted to save that money in case we needed it, and the other man wanted to blow it on coke and hookers, and then everybody laughed at the first man because he wore earth tones and now we are all fucked. [MarketWatch, via HuffPo]

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  • nounverb911

    "Profits are un-American."
    –Fox News

    Wait! What?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    This is a sad day for America.

  • Barb

    Has Romney taken credit for this yet?

    • nounverb911

      Has Romney baptized it yet?

    • anniegetyerfun

      "The only reason that we are running a surplus is because President Obama took my fiscal advice. Seriously, I call him every night and offer him advice on what to do with his day. So this was really all my doing."

      • SorosBot

        Just like Obamacare?

    • DaRooster

      Not yet but I am sure he will take a tax credit for this.

    • GOPCrusher

      I would imagine that this will be touted as an example of the fine Bush Fiscal Policies.

  • A sur-what, now?


  • Lascauxcaveman

    The surplus — the first of Barack Obama’s presidency — was the result of both increased tax collection…

    Waitaminute! I think we may be on to something!

    • Increased taxes lead to greater revenues? That's crazy talk! Next you'll be saying that cutting the minimum wage doesn't help fight poverty!

    • GOPCrusher

      Obviously, we need more tax cuts.

  • In fairness to Republicans, we are only running this surplus because Obama picked up a few deposit bottles on his way home from the office every night.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      And because he hasn't blown it on malt liquor yet.

  • Schmannnity

    $58 billion in surplus? Time to cut taxes.

  • Baconzgood

    Lets look into Baconz Magic 8-Ball GOP Spin Dr. Thingie (patent pending).

    *Shaking it up*


    *Shaking it up*


    *Shaking it up*


    • DaRooster

      Never shake a baby Magic 8 Ball…

      • Baconzgood

        Shaken baby syndrome. Best band name EVAR.

        • HELisforHEL

          Awww man, we had a thing we were gonna call 'The Baby Shakers' a couple of years ago. Too bad all we did was drink instead of play gigs. MISSED OPPORTUNITIES.

          • Baconzgood

            I'd have seen you guys even if you sucked.

          • GOPCrusher

            Let me guess, a Justin Bieber cover band?

  • Schmannnity

    A surplus and oil and gas prices falling like a rock. Why does reality hate Romney so?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I will be expecting my refund check any day now.

    ~taps foot impatiently

  • MrFizzy

    That would cover Mittens' Wonder Bread bill for the month.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Just think of what that $58 billion could have done in the hands of jerb creators! Give it all to the rich!

  • MissTaken

    budget surplus of $58 billion

    Sounds like the perfect time for a war and $100 billion in tax cuts.

    • KotBR

      Only $100B? Why do you hate success and America. And also, the troops?

  • This can't be right. Someone forgot to carry the 2.

  • America is just discovering that Barry is in the black? Kidda thought some had sussed that out some time back. Those with the white pointy hats, TruckNutz, and all. Once again, I haz a confused.

  • Just imagine all the jerbs Exxon would've created with $58B.

    • nounverb911

      In China?

      • Lawnmowers and maids, for the executive's mansions.

        • nounverb911

          So jobs for illegals then?

  • edgydrifter

    This proves Obama is a complete and utter failure. Somehow.

    • He's been unsuccessful in stabilizing the economy!

    • tessiee


      Oh, right. The skin, the skin.

    • And morally weak.

  • elviouslyqueer

    How much of this surplus is Mitt going to take credit for?

    • nounverb911

      All of it, Katie.

      • Major Thom

        What a setup.

  • metamarcisf

    Why do I feel guilty that my federal tax refund of $1,681 came in the mail today? Only one thing to do: drinks are on me this afternoon at the Adult Bookstore Bar & Grill.

    • Negropolis

      Adult Bookstore Bar and Grill: Because nothing goes better with books than breasts and brats.

  • OK, so where's my goddamn pony then?

    • Boojum

      Fuck the pony, I want my unicorn!

    • Negropolis

      The Pony Express was a dangerous ride.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Now we can have that war with Iran that Santa Claus promised us back in 2007.

    • Sir_Fartz_Alot

      Oooooooh! sounds expensive.

  • tihond


  • mormos

    suck it Republicans! (you're not allowed to enjoy sucking it though)

    • nounverb911

      It's the only thing they're good at.

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, but that Obama hasn't even started any decade-long wars yet; that's what makes a real good President!

    • MissTaken

      And W started two of them, that's why he's the real goodest President evah!

      • SorosBot

        Exactly; between that and the tax cuts creating his huge deficits, allowing the 9/11 attacks to happen, and the shredding of our Constitution, he was truly the bestest President this country could have.

        • tessiee

          And, you know, Cheney.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Nice alt text. I'll have you know that that is probably double what is currently contained in my bank account.

  • Callyson

    This is just more evidence that we need someone with experience in the private sector to go to the White House and clean up the government's budget mess…

    Wait, what? A surplus? Um, er…

    …but of course! It's the Tea Party that did it!

  • el_donaldo

    We feel like we might remember something in the far distant past, through space and time, when a country might have had a surplus, and one man wanted to save that money in case we needed it, and the other man wanted to blow it on coke and hookers …

    What is this? A slacker version of Paul Harvey's "The Rest of the Story"?

    "And those men were Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul."

    {I'm seriously old.}

  • The Bush tax cuts finally kicked in.

    • tessiee

      Of the century.

    • Negropolis


  • MissTaken

    Tonight I'm going to eat the name brand Hobo Beans™ to celebrate!

    • SorosBot

      I'm cooking up some of the fancy Ramen noodles right now!

    • AlterNewt

      Name brand Hobo Beans™

      Elitist .

  • HateMachine

    If Mitt Romney had been president starting in 2008, we would have been running a 200 trillion dollar annual surplus, because of tax cuts.

    • Buckminster

      And monkeys would be flying out of my butt on a twice-a-day schedule.

  • GOP Nonplussed by Surplus, Demand Tax Cuts, Impeachment of Obama, a headline will say

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Finally, we have some extra money to start another war!

  • JustPixelz

    Socialism may turn the occasional profit, but the real money is in communism — Chinese style. Those guys really now how to make stuff we want to buy regardless of the feudal working conditions.

    • Baconzgood


    • tessiee

      Those guys really now how to make stuff that is all anybody can afford.

    • Negropolis

      Melamine libel!

  • Fare la Volpe

    I want to have sex with this news story.

    • el_donaldo

      Or do the Scrooge McDuck dive in it.

  • SoBeach

    I for one would welcome an economic repeat of Clinton's 2nd term.

  • chascates


    Wait, did you say a 58 billion dollar surplus?

    • HateMachine

      58 bill isn't going to cut it for that one, we'll have to settle for Petit Syria.

      • chascates

        Better dead than red.

  • NOW can we have jetpacks?

    • tessiee

      a shark with a jetpack is a terrifying, yet awesome thing.

    • tessiee

      Wait; you're not going to use yours to jump the *other* sharks, are you?

      • No – I'm afraid the universe might collapse into itself.

  • Aridzona

    We must be secretly borrowing $$$ from Kenya.

    • Boojum

      We made it through Nigerian email scams.

  • fartknocker

    I can here Senator McWalnuts and the Kalostomy Bag Libermann holding a press conference demanding the $58 billion be given to DOD. Because we need a strong military. For freedumbs.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, because you know if they don't get it Speaker Drunky McNicotinestain and Senator Yertle The Turtle will hold a press conference on how that surplus would just be spent on the poors.

  • James Michael Curley

    And of course Huff Poo conflates Deficit with Debt. There is no $15.7 Trillion Deficit, though many will read it that way. There is a $15.7 Trillion Debt and only about $3.8 Trillion of that accrued under Obama's term. In the last 39 months the Debt has risen less per year than in the eight years of Bush. And it must be remembered that Bush was handed a $3.4 Trillion Debt and a $0 Deficit. Then he ran up the Deficit and increased the Debt with $2.6 Trillion which the Republican Congress passed to fund the Iraq Invasion and specified that it did not have to be monetarily accounted in the budget until fiscal year 2009 – after Bush left office. Obama took the moral high ground and accepted it as on the books less than 10 days after he took office. Many Democrats in Congress wanted to keep it under the carpet.

    • keinsignal

      Yes, this, I don't know why the Democrats aren't shouting themselves hoarse about the fact we ran an entire fucking war off the books for seven years whenever the debt numbers are brought up.

      • SoBeach

        I think it's because the people who can be talked to already know. The propagandists and their angry, ill-informed audience CAN'T be talked to, so why bother trying?

      • James Michael Curley

        Even your succinct version is too long for a bumper sticker.

    • HELisforHEL

      Siiigh. Our usual problem–candidates that actually will take the high ground (see Kerry, John and Gore, Al). I just pray Hopey pulls out the Chicago-style political strategy book and buries Mittens and his minions. Because despite what Americans say in surveys, they loves them some negative campaigning. We cannot let that Roboclown win.

      • James Michael Curley

        “If he pulls out a Mittens, you pull out the brass knuckles.If he puts one of yours in the hospital, you put one of his in the Cayman Islands.”

        • HistoriCat

          If puts one of yours in Switzerland, you put one of his in Guantanamo.

    • James Michael Curley

      He didn’t create it. He was faced with the laws passed by the Republican Congress that it would go on the books and he had to chose to man up and face it or try to continue the Bush Swindle for more years.

  • Buckminster

    Let's see how the GOP spins this in 3-2-1….

  • rickmaci

    Faux Noise Headline:

    Obama Refuses to Compromise with Republicans, Surplus Will Only Be $58 billion.

  • rickmaci

    Statement from Michele Bachmann:

    "Obama likes to THINK that we are in to the black, but WE won't let him white wash the debt."

  • keinsignal

    Hey, maybe now the Ron Paul OMG IMMINENT COLLAPSE OF EVERYTHING wing will shut up for five minutes… Nah, probably not.

    • Buckminster

      No, friend, they will continue to flap their senile gums.

  • not that Dewey

    "Surpluses don't matter"

    -Bizarro Dick Cheney

  • tihond

    You know what they say "Once you go 'in the black' you go back as soon you elect a Republican President."

  • tihond

    Santorum prefers to think of this as "In the Blah."

  • Eve8Apples

    The GSA will celebrate by booking a Hangover themed training seminar in Vegas.

  • GOPCrusher

    How many Republiklans do you think will stand on the House floor and demand that the surplus only be used to pay down the deficit?

    • Sir_Fartz_Alot

      all of them, Katie, as long as its their campaign deficits

  • DahBoner

    Elect Mitt Romney and he'll get rid of this nasty little surplus quicker than a drunk sailor with $100 in his pocket in a $20 Whore House.

  • Come here a minute

    You may also know of the priciple of "paying your debts" in which we don't need to really do anything about the "DEBT!!!1!1!!!" because we are making our payments (hence the outrageously low interest rate), so the DEBT will vanish if we keep the deficit at or near zero (in other words, as long as we have a Democrat in the White House).

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    mitten's new attack- the surplus isn't big enough

  • BZ1

    The surplus is still a drop in the ocean of debt

    • Negropolis

      …says a Republican trying to find a way to spin this as negative news.

  • Veritas78

    I hear the Lincoln bedroom still lacks a round leopard-skin waterbed with a ceiling mirror.

    Seriously, Obama should do this as part of his legacy. Clinton had his chance and now lives with the regret every day.

  • ttommyunger

    Surplus libel.

  • Negropolis

    You guys remember when Obama decided to put our wars back on the bill so we couldn't keep pretending that multi-billion dollars wars are free, and how that was a huge part of the debt? I know you guys do, but they don't.

  • misanthrope

    Is money still a thing? Don't think about it, just charge it to the GAME.

  • mcrummett

    Just shows that taxes _are_ too high!

  • niblick77

    Somewhere in middle America a Repug weeps!

  • Joey_Blau

    poor Al Gore… if only.. if only he had fought back against the lies.. Love Canal.. the Internet… Alpha Male…

    he was too stiff and too, too .. ernest to win.

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