I think I've got the black lung, Pop.Did you know? Some of Mitt Romney’s best friends own coal mines! Especially the kind that collapse and kill six workers and three (would-be) rescuers after years and years of reports and fines for unsafe work places. (The Mine Safety And Health Administration is tyranny, everyone knows that.) And that is why this coal-magnate dude Bob Murray introduced Mr. Mittens at a recent West Virginia fundraiser for big-money fatcats and hobnobbers! So is Bob Murray kind of a weirdo? Yes!

Murray’s behavior during the Crandall Canyon [Utah] recovery effort bewildered many observers and family members: he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

If you were wondering, crisis management firms find this to be the exact way you should deal with things when six of your workers and three attempted rescuers are stuck underground. IN OPPOSITE LAND! So you can see, with his totally appropriate things he says to people, why he and Romney are in love and will get gay-married by Joe Biden, the end. [SaltLakeTribune]

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  • I can understand why he and Mitt get along: cut from the same sheet metal.

    • SmutBoffin

      Right down tho the 0.6% vanadium alloying addition! They're practically brothers.

      • valgal2342

        The same coal seam my brother, the coal seam, or….the sludge perhaps.

    • Callyson

      Bob Murray is the right height…of arrogance.

  • Barb

    The GOP is the canary in the coal mine for Romney. Good luck, suckers!
    Also, Romney has tons of cash stacked up in the Canary Islands.

    • Pragmatist2

      I believe his cash is in the Caveman Islands.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I ain't seen any of it. :(

    • sullivanst

      I thought the canary was supposed to die from poisonous hot air, not belch it all over the country…

  • coolhandnuke

    With Romney and Murray's approaching nuptials, would it be fair to call them Carlsbad Cavern Cavemen?
    Happy spelunking boys.

    • mormos

      well that's where the U.S. stores their nuclear waste, which is what powers rombot so yes

    • Lascauxcaveman


  • Ducksworthy

    Mitt Romney rescued those miners with his bare hands, er mitts. Also he had all the white ones baptised as Mormons after they were dead (and washed off so they could be sure they were white.)

  • EatsBabyDingos

    In Opposite Land, "public servants" are private servants. We call them "Senators." In Opposite Land.

    • JustPixelz

      And corporations are people.

  • edgydrifter

    Fire people? That's for pussies. Bob Murray likes to bury them alive.

  • Steverino247

    Robber barons are people, too, my friends.

  • skoalrebel

    "he and Romney are in love and will get gay-married by Joe Biden''

    Lissen up, Wonketeers! [spit!] Enough with all the gay marriage faggotry! [spit!] I AM NOT GAY AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT THIS GAY STUFF It gets old, and it offends Jesus. So stop already.

    • James Michael Curley

      If it ofends Jesus why did he take twelve dudes out for a Special Dinner?

      • GOPCrusher

        And he never made sexy time with Mary Magdaline, OR DID HE?

        • Oh, he wasn't the only one and you know it.

          • Veritas78

            I had a three-way with both of them! Too bad there wasn't video then.

            Btw, He truly does have the Staff of God. That thing was amazing, hence the phrase, having a "Come to Jesus!" moment. It's why I call His name so often during sex. Good times! But he doesn't really return calls much.

    • Can I marry my sheep?

    • Okay.

      (P. S. Buttsechs)

    • elviouslyqueer

      Rick Santorum? That you?

    • Regular Jesus or Mormon Jesus?

  • Radiotherapy

    Assholes are people, my friend.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Unfortunately, all too often it is the other way around.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Your move, Simon Legree.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Bizarro Superman to the rescue!

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Gee, I hope the two of them make it here to Utah and try that pitch.

  • poorgradstudent

    Oh, Romney's just trying to surround himself with people who are bigger cartoonish plutocrats than he is.

  • Trannysurprise

    So a few blah guys get buried underground and they expect the government to bail them out?


  • Mittens:…and if elected I'll end that mealy-mouthy OSHA within 90 days.

  • the kind that collapse and kill six workers and three (would-be) rescuers

    Lydia lit a cigarette today;
    From a forty-year-old coffeecup she took a sip of gin,
    Closed her eyes and let fly a loogie fit to wax Bobby Murray's smug grin off his face ♫

    [minor rewrite; apologies to the author]

    • Radiotherapy

      Well slaid.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Well, it was only 6 killed. How many would it have been if Obama was president then?

    • Pragmatist2

      Gazillions – buried by government regulations.

    • GOPCrusher

      Oh sure. Why doesn't Obama take responsibility? Again, blaming Bush for this disaster.

  • Steverino247

    Bad Captain of Industry.

    • GeorgiaBurning

      don't jump to a conclusion. Did the mine collapse add "shareholder value"?

  • LastGasp

    he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.
    Sounds like somebody's angling for a spot in the new Romney administration. Press Secretary, perhaps?

    • GOPCrusher

      I would of said Department of Labor or Energy, but both of those will be gone in the Rmoney Administration.

      • SorosBot

        And one more, the Department of; um, I forget. Oops.

        • Geminisunmars

          I think Rick Perry gets that post.

  • MissTaken

    [Murray] bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

    Sounds like someone is in the lead for the VP slot!

    • SorosBot

      Aw now you've given Santorum a sad.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Murray claimed an earthquake caused the first failure even when seismologists determined it did not….[and] the federal Mine Safety and Health Administration issued a report a year later finding that Genwal Resources, a Murray Energy Corp. subsidiary, was operating under three findings of high "negligence" in three of its Crandall mining plan elements and with "reckless disregard" in three others.

    God, I love that Party of Personal Responsibility!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Genwal Resources"

      I wonder if that company was named by Elmer Fudd.

      • SenileAgitation

        Ha. I think you mean Genwal Wesoarsays. They wee found negligent in the cave-in deaths of 16 wascally wabbits.

    • walterhwhite

      And "reckless disregard" being a plus in Opposite Land, they were awarded more contracts and everthing was wonderful. I hate those f**kers.

    • HELisforHEL

      This reminds me of the tea-party asshole who was an owner/ a co-owner at Massey Energy (the other not-up-to-code-death-mine). He stumped for the tea party faithful in his American flag shirt, espousing the awesomeness of limited government regulation (I suppose because keeping your employees alive is bad for the economy?).

      Perhaps Mittens should get that guy on the phone…he'd be a shoe-in for his cabinet, too.

  • SorosBot

    This endorsement is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

    • I always cry at weaselings

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Mitt's buddy does have 'uge tracts of land.

  • elviouslyqueer

    "Jobs and family livelihoods are being destroyed as [Obama] appeases his radical environmentalist friends, the unionists, the liberal elites on the ‘left’ coasts and in New England, [the] Hollywood characters and his other constituents," he said.

    Um, Bob? The families of six dead miners and three of their rescuers would like to have a word with you about "jobs and family livelihoods being destroyed." I'll tell them you stopped by. Kthx.

    • GOPCrusher

      As if those constituents aren't also interested in jobs and family livelihoods.

    • Veritas78

      Obama sure does suck. I don't feel appeased at all, and I'm in nearly every one of those demographics, plus some others.

  • ♪♫ Sixteen tonnes and whadda get
    Five co-workers crushed and the owner's new jet
    St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
    I owe my soul to Mittens' underwear store ♫♪

    • GOPCrusher

      Tennessee Ernie Ford would approve.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    But I'm sure his mine employees get at least 16 tons of great deals at the company store!!

    • JustPixelz

      Yet, ironically, he has no soul.

  • TootsStansbury

    Aaand after recovering from this morning's posts; l'm back to wanting to set something on fire.

  • It's their own faults for being miners! If they had paid attention in babby heaven, they could have gotten richer parents who would have paid lots of money to get them into the Wharton School where they'd OWN the mines!

    • GOPCrusher

      Should of borrowed 20K from their parents and opened their own mine!

  • ttommyunger

    True yesterday, today and tomorrow: money can't buy class.

  • James Michael Curley

    That's the problem; shafts. Now in NJ all the coal taken out of the Appalacians was done with pits. Walk down the Applalacian Trail, fall in a pit and they find you right away. In Utah, you take a shaft and they don't even find Utah right away.

    • GOPCrusher

      But if you cut off your own arm, they'll make a movie about you.

      • James Michael Curley

        You’ll need that arm if you are going to make that movie including your shaft.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh yeah, I remember that mine collapse — that's when I first heard about MSHA and how their citations for bad practices were essentially used to line the bottom of the cages the mining companies keep their dead canaries in.

    Not only was this mine generally poorly maintained, but the technique they used was especially dangerous and outdated. Basically they carve galleries into the vein of shale, using uncarved parts as walls to hold up the rock overhead, and then they dig out the walls as they back out of the mine, risking collapse. It's like playing Don't Break the Ice but with human lives at stake.

    Yeah, that motherfucker needs to be in prison — exactly the sort of Bush-era fuckheadedness we'd be going back to if Mittens got elected — institutionalized criminal negligence.

  • Exhausted66

    Has Joe Barton (R-Texas) apologized to Bob Murray yet?

  • Fox n Fiends

    I'm sure Bob Murray worked his way up the ladder after spending decades in the coal mines. JUST LIKE MITT!

    • GOPCrusher

      Certainly explains the Black Lung & Heart Disease.

  • pdiddycornchips

    We need a hunger games type show where rich assholes are pitted against one another in a fight to the death. We'll call it the Reckoning Games. A Simon Cowell/Mark Burnett Production.

    • HELisforHEL

      Oh I would totally watch that.

  • mavenmaven

    And soon these f@#$ers will be running the country. Aren't we in for a treat.

    • walterhwhite

      The only hope is to vote for Barry.

  • SorosBot

    So now that Romney has moved beyond just seeking the endorsements of his fellow bloated plutocrats, but is looking for help from actual supervillains, whose help will he seek next – Lex Luthor? Montgomery Burns?

    • Donald Trump

    • walterhwhite

      Or the most evil one of all — Dick Cheney?

    • GOPCrusher

      David Duke?

    • doloras

      Bah! Those guys are both rank amateurs compared to DOCTOR COLOSSUS!

  • freakishlywrong

    All those weapons that can't be carried at the RNC, (except loaded guns). Did anyone see silver back gorillas? Unleash lots and lots of silver back gorillas up in there..

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Maybe the miners should have just stayed on the couch that day.

    • Veritas78

      Or just taken the other Cadillac. It's one of those butterfly-flapping things.

  • JustPixelz

    In year three of the (would-be) Romney administration with its deregulation and profit-friendly policies, we'll think of nine dead miners as an average day.

    • HELisforHEL

      Efficiency improvements!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    There's a man going around in this town selling lies.
    He's the bad businessman
    And the mess he sells is bad
    And the mess he leaves is sad.
    He's a clown
    That's going to get bounced around
    If he don't keep his business underground.
    He's a player
    But every time he deals a round
    It's a bad hand
    What a bad man.
    Beware of what he sells.
    It's shooting you straight to hell.
    "Tain't no bottom in that wishing well.
    Bad businessman.

  • Mitt should take a tour of Bob's mines sometime. They're lovely in the fall.

  • And who killed the miners?
    Say the grim bells of Blaina

  • Oblios_Cap

    They've been running itfor some time now.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Murray’s behavior during the Crandall Canyon [Utah] recovery effort bewildered many observers and family members: he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

    He has a private jet. Hmmmm, the way I read the Second Amendment citizens should be allowed to buy MANPADS, because hey, you never know when you'll need to stand your ground against a MiG 35.

    • elgin_pelican

      I'm bewildered that they were bewildered.

  • Steverino247

    Black Hearted mine owners are, as always, a bigger threat to miners than Black Lung Disease.

  • Groupshrug

    Mitt Romney definitely deserves a lot of credit for rescuing those miners…

  • Wile E. Quixote

    It's amazing with the number of guns in this country that no one has kneecapped this evil son of a whore.

    • Buckminster

      Needs Moar 2nd Amendment.

  • owhatever

    Makes you proud to be an American.

  • rickmaci

    Big money plutocrats get the elevator, workers get the shaft. Tried and true Reptard formula.

  • How dare President Obama have his thugs get onto this poor corporation for some slight negligence that ended up burying some of its employees alive.

    • Buckminster

      Why are they always picking on the poor little rich boys, wah wah wah.

  • ph7

    Sixteen tons, and what do I get?
    A shout out from Mitt while he rides Bob's corporate jet.

  • SenileAgitation

    Please don't lose sight of the fact that a few dead miners is a small price to pay for freedom from radical environmentalists and left wing media crocodile tears with matching hat and gloves, where did I leave that jet goddamit…

  • Boojum

    My Dad's family were coal miners in W. Va. and Kentucky. His step-dad was a union steward and his uncle was a federal mine inspector.

    Therefore, I am a communo-socialo-fascist Kenyan.

  • BZ1

    Mine owners are people, my friend.

  • Veritas78

    Ya know, mines don't just dig themselves.

  • Dude, fuck that guy. And not in a good way.

    [And by that guy, I mean either guy.]

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