SIXTEEN TONS  1:55 pm May 8, 2012

Romney’s New Best Friend: The Dude Who Bragged About Private Jet While His Coal Mine Collapsed

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

I think I've got the black lung, Pop.Did you know? Some of Mitt Romney’s best friends own coal mines! Especially the kind that collapse and kill six workers and three (would-be) rescuers after years and years of reports and fines for unsafe work places. (The Mine Safety And Health Administration is tyranny, everyone knows that.) And that is why this coal-magnate dude Bob Murray introduced Mr. Mittens at a recent West Virginia fundraiser for big-money fatcats and hobnobbers! So is Bob Murray kind of a weirdo? Yes!

Murray’s behavior during the Crandall Canyon [Utah] recovery effort bewildered many observers and family members: he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

If you were wondering, crisis management firms find this to be the exact way you should deal with things when six of your workers and three attempted rescuers are stuck underground. IN OPPOSITE LAND! So you can see, with his totally appropriate things he says to people, why he and Romney are in love and will get gay-married by Joe Biden, the end. [SaltLakeTribune]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 106 comments }

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I can understand why he and Mitt get along: cut from the same sheet metal.

SmutBoffin May 8, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Right down tho the 0.6% vanadium alloying addition! They're practically brothers.

valgal2342 May 8, 2012 at 2:35 pm

The same coal seam my brother, the coal seam, or….the sludge perhaps.

Callyson May 8, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Bob Murray is the right height…of arrogance.

Barb May 8, 2012 at 1:59 pm

The GOP is the canary in the coal mine for Romney. Good luck, suckers!
Also, Romney has tons of cash stacked up in the Canary Islands.

Pragmatist2 May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I believe his cash is in the Caveman Islands.

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I ain't seen any of it. :(

sullivanst May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I thought the canary was supposed to die from poisonous hot air, not belch it all over the country…

coolhandnuke May 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

With Romney and Murray's approaching nuptials, would it be fair to call them Carlsbad Cavern Cavemen?
Happy spelunking boys.

mormos May 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

well that's where the U.S. stores their nuclear waste, which is what powers rombot so yes

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

CAVEMAN LIBEL!!

Ducksworthy May 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Mitt Romney rescued those miners with his bare hands, er mitts. Also he had all the white ones baptised as Mormons after they were dead (and washed off so they could be sure they were white.)

EatsBabyDingos May 8, 2012 at 2:00 pm

In Opposite Land, "public servants" are private servants. We call them "Senators." In Opposite Land.

JustPixelz May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

And corporations are people.

edgydrifter May 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Fire people? That's for pussies. Bob Murray likes to bury them alive.

Steverino247 May 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Robber barons are people, too, my friends.

skoalrebel May 8, 2012 at 2:01 pm

"he and Romney are in love and will get gay-married by Joe Biden''

Lissen up, Wonketeers! [spit!] Enough with all the gay marriage faggotry! [spit!] I AM NOT GAY AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT THIS GAY STUFF It gets old, and it offends Jesus. So stop already.

James Michael Curley May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

If it ofends Jesus why did he take twelve dudes out for a Special Dinner?

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

And he never made sexy time with Mary Magdaline, OR DID HE?

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Oh, he wasn't the only one and you know it.

Veritas78 May 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I had a three-way with both of them! Too bad there wasn't video then.

Btw, He truly does have the Staff of God. That thing was amazing, hence the phrase, having a "Come to Jesus!" moment. It's why I call His name so often during sex. Good times! But he doesn't really return calls much.

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Can I marry my sheep?

Sharkey May 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Okay.

(P. S. Buttsechs)

elviouslyqueer May 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Rick Santorum? That you?

imissopus May 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Regular Jesus or Mormon Jesus?

Radiotherapy May 8, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Assholes are people, my friend.

Tundra Grifter May 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Unfortunately, all too often it is the other way around.

BaldarTFlagass May 8, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Your move, Simon Legree.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 8, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Bizarro Superman to the rescue!

Native_of_SL_UT May 8, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Gee, I hope the two of them make it here to Utah and try that pitch.

poorgradstudent May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Oh, Romney's just trying to surround himself with people who are bigger cartoonish plutocrats than he is.

Trannysurprise May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

So a few blah guys get buried underground and they expect the government to bail them out?

NO MOAR SOSHULIZM!

weejee May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Mittens:…and if elected I'll end that mealy-mouthy OSHA within 90 days.

Mumbletypeg May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

the kind that collapse and kill six workers and three (would-be) rescuers

Lydia lit a cigarette today;
From a forty-year-old coffeecup she took a sip of gin,
Closed her eyes and let fly a loogie fit to wax Bobby Murray's smug grin off his face ♫

[minor rewrite; apologies to the author]

Radiotherapy May 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Well slaid.

RedneckMuslin May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Well, it was only 6 killed. How many would it have been if Obama was president then?

Pragmatist2 May 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Gazillions – buried by government regulations.

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Oh sure. Why doesn't Obama take responsibility? Again, blaming Bush for this disaster.

Steverino247 May 8, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Bad Captain of Industry.

GeorgiaBurning May 8, 2012 at 5:00 pm

don't jump to a conclusion. Did the mine collapse add "shareholder value"?

LastGasp May 8, 2012 at 2:05 pm

he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.
Sounds like somebody's angling for a spot in the new Romney administration. Press Secretary, perhaps?

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I would of said Department of Labor or Energy, but both of those will be gone in the Rmoney Administration.

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

And one more, the Department of; um, I forget. Oops.

Geminisunmars May 8, 2012 at 7:56 pm

I think Rick Perry gets that post.

MissTaken May 8, 2012 at 2:05 pm

[Murray] bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

Sounds like someone is in the lead for the VP slot!

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Aw now you've given Santorum a sad.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Murray claimed an earthquake caused the first failure even when seismologists determined it did not….[and] the federal Mine Safety and Health Administration issued a report a year later finding that Genwal Resources, a Murray Energy Corp. subsidiary, was operating under three findings of high "negligence" in three of its Crandall mining plan elements and with "reckless disregard" in three others.

God, I love that Party of Personal Responsibility!

BaldarTFlagass May 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"Genwal Resources"

I wonder if that company was named by Elmer Fudd.

SenileAgitation May 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Ha. I think you mean Genwal Wesoarsays. They wee found negligent in the cave-in deaths of 16 wascally wabbits.

walterhwhite May 8, 2012 at 2:22 pm

And "reckless disregard" being a plus in Opposite Land, they were awarded more contracts and everthing was wonderful. I hate those f**kers.

HELisforHEL May 8, 2012 at 3:19 pm

This reminds me of the tea-party asshole who was an owner/ a co-owner at Massey Energy (the other not-up-to-code-death-mine). He stumped for the tea party faithful in his American flag shirt, espousing the awesomeness of limited government regulation (I suppose because keeping your employees alive is bad for the economy?).

Perhaps Mittens should get that guy on the phone…he'd be a shoe-in for his cabinet, too.

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

This endorsement is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I always cry at weaselings

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Mitt's buddy does have 'uge tracts of land.

elviouslyqueer May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"Jobs and family livelihoods are being destroyed as [Obama] appeases his radical environmentalist friends, the unionists, the liberal elites on the ‘left’ coasts and in New England, [the] Hollywood characters and his other constituents," he said.

Um, Bob? The families of six dead miners and three of their rescuers would like to have a word with you about "jobs and family livelihoods being destroyed." I'll tell them you stopped by. Kthx.

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm

As if those constituents aren't also interested in jobs and family livelihoods.

Veritas78 May 8, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Obama sure does suck. I don't feel appeased at all, and I'm in nearly every one of those demographics, plus some others.

weejee May 8, 2012 at 2:07 pm

♪♫ Sixteen tonnes and whadda get
Five co-workers crushed and the owner's new jet
St. Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to Mittens' underwear store ♫♪

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Tennessee Ernie Ford would approve.

BaldarTFlagass May 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

But I'm sure his mine employees get at least 16 tons of great deals at the company store!!

JustPixelz May 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Yet, ironically, he has no soul.

TootsStansbury May 8, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Aaand after recovering from this morning's posts; l'm back to wanting to set something on fire.

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

It's their own faults for being miners! If they had paid attention in babby heaven, they could have gotten richer parents who would have paid lots of money to get them into the Wharton School where they'd OWN the mines!

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Should of borrowed 20K from their parents and opened their own mine!

ttommyunger May 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

True yesterday, today and tomorrow: money can't buy class.

James Michael Curley May 8, 2012 at 2:10 pm

That's the problem; shafts. Now in NJ all the coal taken out of the Appalacians was done with pits. Walk down the Applalacian Trail, fall in a pit and they find you right away. In Utah, you take a shaft and they don't even find Utah right away.

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

But if you cut off your own arm, they'll make a movie about you.

James Michael Curley May 8, 2012 at 3:10 pm

You’ll need that arm if you are going to make that movie including your shaft.

SayItWithWookies May 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Oh yeah, I remember that mine collapse — that's when I first heard about MSHA and how their citations for bad practices were essentially used to line the bottom of the cages the mining companies keep their dead canaries in.

Not only was this mine generally poorly maintained, but the technique they used was especially dangerous and outdated. Basically they carve galleries into the vein of shale, using uncarved parts as walls to hold up the rock overhead, and then they dig out the walls as they back out of the mine, risking collapse. It's like playing Don't Break the Ice but with human lives at stake.

Yeah, that motherfucker needs to be in prison — exactly the sort of Bush-era fuckheadedness we'd be going back to if Mittens got elected — institutionalized criminal negligence.

Exhausted66 May 8, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Has Joe Barton (R-Texas) apologized to Bob Murray yet?

Fox n Fiends May 8, 2012 at 2:13 pm

I'm sure Bob Murray worked his way up the ladder after spending decades in the coal mines. JUST LIKE MITT!

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Certainly explains the Black Lung & Heart Disease.

pdiddycornchips May 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm

We need a hunger games type show where rich assholes are pitted against one another in a fight to the death. We'll call it the Reckoning Games. A Simon Cowell/Mark Burnett Production.

HELisforHEL May 8, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Oh I would totally watch that.

mavenmaven May 8, 2012 at 2:14 pm

And soon these f@#$ers will be running the country. Aren't we in for a treat.

walterhwhite May 8, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The only hope is to vote for Barry.

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

So now that Romney has moved beyond just seeking the endorsements of his fellow bloated plutocrats, but is looking for help from actual supervillains, whose help will he seek next – Lex Luthor? Montgomery Burns?

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Donald Trump

walterhwhite May 8, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Or the most evil one of all — Dick Cheney?

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 2:33 pm

David Duke?

doloras May 8, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Bah! Those guys are both rank amateurs compared to DOCTOR COLOSSUS!

freakishlywrong May 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

All those weapons that can't be carried at the RNC, (except loaded guns). Did anyone see silver back gorillas? Unleash lots and lots of silver back gorillas up in there..

Doktor StrangeZoom May 8, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Maybe the miners should have just stayed on the couch that day.

Veritas78 May 8, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Or just taken the other Cadillac. It's one of those butterfly-flapping things.

JustPixelz May 8, 2012 at 2:20 pm

In year three of the (would-be) Romney administration with its deregulation and profit-friendly policies, we'll think of nine dead miners as an average day.

HELisforHEL May 8, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Efficiency improvements!

BaldarTFlagass May 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

There's a man going around in this town selling lies.
He's the bad businessman
And the mess he sells is bad
And the mess he leaves is sad.
He's a clown
That's going to get bounced around
If he don't keep his business underground.
He's a player
But every time he deals a round
It's a bad hand
What a bad man.
Beware of what he sells.
It's shooting you straight to hell.
"Tain't no bottom in that wishing well.
Bad businessman.

Sharkey May 8, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Mitt should take a tour of Bob's mines sometime. They're lovely in the fall.

FlownOver May 8, 2012 at 2:27 pm

And who killed the miners?
Say the grim bells of Blaina

Oblios_Cap May 8, 2012 at 2:28 pm

They've been running itfor some time now.

Wile E. Quixote May 8, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Murray’s behavior during the Crandall Canyon [Utah] recovery effort bewildered many observers and family members: he bragged about his private jet, yelled at those families and decried the notion of global climate change.

He has a private jet. Hmmmm, the way I read the Second Amendment citizens should be allowed to buy MANPADS, because hey, you never know when you'll need to stand your ground against a MiG 35.

elgin_pelican May 8, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I'm bewildered that they were bewildered.

Steverino247 May 8, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Black Hearted mine owners are, as always, a bigger threat to miners than Black Lung Disease.

Groupshrug May 8, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Mitt Romney definitely deserves a lot of credit for rescuing those miners…

Wile E. Quixote May 8, 2012 at 2:42 pm

It's amazing with the number of guns in this country that no one has kneecapped this evil son of a whore.

Buckminster May 8, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Needs Moar 2nd Amendment.

owhatever May 8, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Makes you proud to be an American.

rickmaci May 8, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Big money plutocrats get the elevator, workers get the shaft. Tried and true Reptard formula.

glamourdammerung May 8, 2012 at 3:09 pm

How dare President Obama have his thugs get onto this poor corporation for some slight negligence that ended up burying some of its employees alive.

Buckminster May 8, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Why are they always picking on the poor little rich boys, wah wah wah.

ph7 May 8, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Sixteen tons, and what do I get?
A shout out from Mitt while he rides Bob's corporate jet.

SenileAgitation May 8, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Please don't lose sight of the fact that a few dead miners is a small price to pay for freedom from radical environmentalists and left wing media crocodile tears with matching hat and gloves, where did I leave that jet goddamit…

Boojum May 8, 2012 at 4:11 pm

My Dad's family were coal miners in W. Va. and Kentucky. His step-dad was a union steward and his uncle was a federal mine inspector.

Therefore, I am a communo-socialo-fascist Kenyan.

BZ1 May 8, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Mine owners are people, my friend.

Veritas78 May 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Ya know, mines don't just dig themselves.

thesuniverse May 9, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Dude, fuck that guy. And not in a good way.

[And by that guy, I mean either guy.]

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