NEVER MISSED A MEAL  10:46 am May 8, 2012

Maine Gov. Paul LePage To Unemployed Shiftless Slobs: Get Off The Couch

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Looks like someone likes his couch a lot.Maine Gov. Paul LePage looks like Chris Christie, sounds like Harvey Fierstein, and speaks the words fed him by Grover Norquist, and that is a winning combination if we have ever seen/heard one! He is ready to “starve the beast,” and he has some Tough Talk for all you unemployed Cadillac queens who are sucking the state of Maine dry. Hey, Mainers, stop “picking up the tab” for these losers’ “free lunch”! But is Maine Gov. Paul LePage a compassionate man? Indeed, he is! “I am compassionate and committed to our children, our elderly, and our disabled,” he told the Maine Republican Convention, “but to all able-bodied people out there, get off the couch and get yourself a job!” [WILD APPLAUSE] Maine Gov. Paul LePage, it seems, is running for Vice President! That is so exciting for him!

Here, losers, get yelled at for a while for singlehandedly “cannibalizing” Maine’s state government, with your whining for “food” and “shelter.” (Only Maine Gov. Paul LePage gets money for food and shelter when he “lives” welfare!) Did you not know the Fortune 500 has earned record profits this year? Just go be a trader! Oh, sorry, nobody can live on that.

 
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{ 99 comments }

Barb May 8, 2012 at 10:48 am

"I understand the difference between a want and a need"
I want not to be morbidly obese and I need insulin and a diabeetus scooter with a double wide seat.

"We need structural change in Augusta"
Yes, pure tungsten steel bridge supports for Paul's office chair.

Tundra Grifter May 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

Obviously, these are gut issues for him.

Dashboard Buddha May 8, 2012 at 10:49 am

This douchebag is an embarrassment. On behalf of the 61% of Mainers who didn't vote for him, I'd like to apologize.

Millennial Malaise May 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

Ugh he won with a plurality! Isn't that same percentage that Rick Perry got elected on? Maine, I really thought you were better than this.

Ramon X May 8, 2012 at 11:34 am

Maine usually is better than this, but we got teabagged. A Dem and an Ind split the sane vote and this is what we got. I'll never forgive those two for not deciding which of them should drop out so that this would not have happened.

HobbesEvilTwin May 8, 2012 at 12:13 pm

On the bright side, at least the d's and i's seem to be in agreement about King, which means Maine will finally get a senator who caucuses with the dems

horsedreamer_1 May 8, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Liebermann brought (rancid) beef to the Caucus. Maine's going to show this Nutmeggers by bringing Angus.

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Doesn't Maine have a recall system?
Somebody this evil needs to be run out of the state on a rail.

4TheTurnstiles May 8, 2012 at 10:49 am

Baron Harkonnen looks hungry.

elviouslyqueer May 8, 2012 at 10:50 am

The spite must flow!

johnnymeatworth May 8, 2012 at 11:27 am

Lard is the mindkiller….

nounverb911 May 8, 2012 at 10:49 am

When does LePage outsource the homeless to China?

memzilla May 8, 2012 at 11:06 am

He's negotiating the organ-harvesting deal first.

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 10:49 am

Shorter LePage: I have no fucking clue how to get our economy going again.

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2012 at 11:38 am

One of the basic tenets of Fat Fuckism.

Others include point fingers, blame a minority (in this case, the able-bodied unemployed) and live off the public dime.

Claiming to be "compassionate" is optional, but its a nice, ironic touch.

Biff May 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm

He's pretty sure it has to do with deregulating lobstahs, though.

Chill-A-Sketch May 8, 2012 at 10:50 am

Nothing like a Republican cursed with a French name…the schauden freudes itself.

nounverb911 May 8, 2012 at 10:53 am

Let them eat Lobster-rolls.

nounverb911 May 8, 2012 at 10:51 am

Does LePage still make mucilage?

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

I think they gave him antihistamines

FlownOver May 8, 2012 at 11:13 am

Yes, from the hooves of the Poors.

Major Thom May 8, 2012 at 11:41 am

Yes. Whenever he blows his nose.

RedneckMuslin May 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

Wasn't there another French politician that just lost his job?

nounverb911 May 8, 2012 at 10:54 am

Marie Antoinette Sarkozy?

Biff May 8, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Let them eat paste!

SudsMcKenzie May 8, 2012 at 10:52 am

I'll get off my couch when you pry it from my cold lard ass.

johnnyzhivago May 8, 2012 at 10:53 am

I'm sorry, but my governor, Chris Christie could eat this lightweight as a snack.

nounverb911 May 8, 2012 at 10:55 am

Who's for dessert?

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

Any governor in between

FlownOver May 8, 2012 at 11:14 am

I recommend the Apple Brownback Betty.

Lascauxcaveman May 8, 2012 at 11:45 am

My governor, Gregoire, sounds kind of dessert-ish, also in a French sort of way. May as well stick with a theme. Although in photos she does look kinda tough and sinewy.

NellCote71 May 8, 2012 at 11:52 am

Baked Alaska?

SudsMcKenzie May 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Please, take mine, he has this weird sara palin lazy eye, that reminds you of the last lobster in the tank, … but please take him.

ManchuCandidate May 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

I would get off this couch and get a job, motherfucker. Problem is that the people you whore yourself out to destroyed a lot of them over the past few years especially among the technical/nerdy set.

Unless you mean the shitty retail jobs that you (and Mittens) are so proud about.

HistoriCat May 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

Sorry – you need a PhD AND 5 or more years of retail experience to get one of these shitty retail jobs.

weejee May 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

Mainers, it's time to turn LePage.

AddHomonym May 8, 2012 at 10:56 am

So this whole thing was caused by a couch surplus? Who knew!

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

Perhaps the state of Maine should just simply hold one big statewide game of musical chairs until everyone gets a job?

GuyClinch May 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

Time for LePurge.

fartknocker May 8, 2012 at 10:57 am

LePage is just a French Version of Scott Walker. Also, I found this lovely website about the governor that is very educational:
http://www.appalledbylepage.com/

Tundra Grifter May 8, 2012 at 10:58 am

Gov. Paul LePage weighs in.

And then offers a few words about the issues.

JustPixelz May 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

This is what Karl Rove's dream of "permanent Republican majority" would look like. LePage, like the other Repubicans, govern as if elections don't matter and won't occur. (With voter ID laws, maybe they don't/won't!)

I'd say the Repubicans are cumming in their pants over all these new laws except I'm pretty sure that's illegal now.

Get off the couch? I don't have superhuman powers, ya know.

GeneralLerong May 8, 2012 at 10:59 am

Yeah! Just get a low-paying, brain-and-body destroying job so you can turn over most of your income to the health care industry!

Oh, you have student loans, too? Well, your crappy job can pay them off, too. So, OK, you won't be able to afford rent and will still have to live outta your little kid's room in your parents' house, unless you really enjoyed that outdoor underpass camping.

chicken_thief May 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

Student loans?! Snob….

GeneralLerong May 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

You think brick-laying school comes for free? That was 'way back when, in Siberia.

SexySmurf May 8, 2012 at 11:00 am

"but to all able-bodied people out there, get off the couch and get yourself into ma belly!!!"

/fixed

Tundra Grifter May 8, 2012 at 11:01 am

PLeP wants to run for Veep?

I'm thinking he's got Julie Gunlock's vote.

flamingpdog May 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

"I understand the difference between a want and a need."

Not much difference in my book, fat douchewad. I WANT you to burn in HELL! I NEED you to burn in HELL!!

proudgrampa May 8, 2012 at 11:02 am

I get so sick and tired of politicians telling us, "Just get a job." These zombies suck from the government teat and don't contribute anything to the economy.

Fuck you, governor.

hagajim May 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

Not to defend this douchebag, but "politicians" at least the paid ones – do actually contribute to the economy. They may be useless sacks of beetle dung in general, but when they draw a check they do spend it and in doing so they support the economy. I reiterate, I don't think this dungheap is worth the effort to spend my time talking about, but I do get a little sick of this idea that if you're a gubmint employee you contribute nothing to the economy because its bullshit. If we keep thinking like that then it just makes it ever easier for the Rethugs to say that government is evil and bad, Fuck, the biggest reason the economy isn't starting to hum right now is because government has been laying off people left and right. If they could have kept their people working unemployment would be down around 6 to 6.5%. If you work and draw a check, regardless of the source, you actually support the economy – unless you stick the money in a mattress or up your ass. Thank you, rant over.

proudgrampa May 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Hey, Jim. Point taken. I don't disparage all politicians and government workers, just the ones who are too simple-minded to understand a complex problem like unemployment.

Biff May 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Thank you, from a retired civil serpent.

FakaktaSouth May 8, 2012 at 11:03 am

Just because you were laid off solely so there were some improvements in the budget that resulted in higher bonuses for the guy that fired you doesn't mean you shouldn't have a job. And just because you work more than 40 hours at WalMart but can't afford the processed food they sell there doesn't mean you deserve to eat. Quit expecting logical solutions to problems you didn't create, dead-weights.

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 11:04 am

“but to all able-bodied people out there, get off the couch and get yourself a job!”

As an able-bodied person who has been unemployed for months and cannot find a job, fuck you very much you giant flaming pile of shit; we can't just get off the couch get a job, moron, someone has to actually hire us. Please go fuck yourself, and by that I mean do us all a favor by ripping off your own cock and sticking it up your ass.

vodkamuppet May 8, 2012 at 11:17 am

Eloquently stated.

FakaktaSouth May 8, 2012 at 11:21 am

Dude, I think it's time to call the parents and ask for that 20k they have lying around so you can be the entrepreneur Mitt sees in you.

I am sad about this but have hopes that you will find an excellent job (like, in Cali or somewheres, she says obnoxiously) so you can get off of what I imagine is not a real couch from whence you watch that amalgam of computer-antenna-nontv-ness.

SorosBot May 8, 2012 at 11:32 am

Thanks. It's just such a depressing pain in the ass, to spend so much of the day sending out my resume on Monster, CareerBuilder and the like and getting virtually no responses.

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I went down that road in 2003-2004. It was a real eye-opener when I found out from people in the know that the majority of jobs that are posted on CareerBuilder and Monster don't even exist. They are either put there by the marketing people that use the hits to sell their service, or are from companies that aren't really looking for employees but researching the talent in an area of the country.

freakishlywrong May 8, 2012 at 11:22 am

It gets better? I've been there, a full year and a half, and no, the fuck it doesn't get better until you get a job. We're with you, Soros.

LagunaB May 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I am in Jersey and my husband is/ has worked for most of the chemical plants /pharma and engineering firms in nj/ pa/ de. What are your skills / job interest? He has a large network of people in supporting industries as well. He might be able to help with contacts. Some of the jobs do not require engineering knowledge. Shit, I could do the jobs and I am a fashion designer.

flamingpdog May 8, 2012 at 11:05 am

"To all you able-bodied people out there, get off the couch and get yourself a job."

Says the a**hole-bodied Gov. LeSpooge.

Mumbletypeg May 8, 2012 at 11:06 am

LePage: "So sick of you lazy bastards not working."
Jobless: "But until someone starts hiring, we count on resources' availability — not just food but, day to day we're networking.."
LePage: "In and out, day to day you're not working.. Low-lifes.."
Jobless: "No no, I said I'm networking!"
LePage: "Indeed, and it's a crying shame. Too much not working, and ya even sound *proud* of yourselves they way you say it!"
Jobless: "__…__"

Doktor StrangeZoom May 8, 2012 at 11:07 am

As we all know, economic recessions and unemployment are caused by people refusing to work.

user-of-owls May 8, 2012 at 2:58 pm

If only those filthy layabouts spent all that money they don't have, we could shop our way right out of this recession and reduce employment even further, which would then create more jobless, who could then spend more of their non-salaries, etc.

This is what's known as a Virtuous Circle.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 8, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Or maybe a virtuous circle jerk.

Blueb4sunrise May 8, 2012 at 11:07 am

If they're so poor, how can they afford COUCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Biff May 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Oh, please. People put them out on the curb every day, free for the taking. A liberal dose of Febreze should take care of the cat urine smell.

Blueb4sunrise May 8, 2012 at 12:25 pm

They have FEBREZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pragmatist2 May 8, 2012 at 11:08 am

Or, as Calvin Coolidge put it, "When a great many people are unable to find work, unemployment results."

GOPCrusher May 8, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Silent Cal didn't say a lot, but when he spoke it was prophetic.

Dildeaux May 8, 2012 at 11:09 am

What percentage of Maines budget do these so-called moochers eat up?

Not_So_Much May 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

Since he got rid of that soshulist mural of people working in the statehouse, maybe people can't remember what it is?

Allmighty_Manos May 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

This guy is a living monument to why third parties suck.

HistoriCat May 8, 2012 at 11:51 am

Makes a good argument for top-two runoff elections. (I know, people are lazy and can't be bothered to actually drag their sorry asses to the polling station twice.)

Oblios_Cap May 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Actually more of an arguement of why winner-take-all two party systems without public financing of campaigns suck.

vodkamuppet May 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

All People in Maine have to do to get a job is get up off the couch? Damn, Maine's got it easy. Fuckin lazy asses.

__kth__ May 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

All those able-bodied losers had jobs 5 years ago, until LePage's buds ran the economy off a cliff. Fat bastard's theory of unemployment does not compute.

Abernathy May 8, 2012 at 11:14 am

"I am compassionate and committed to our children, our elderly, and our disabled…”

Weak sauce. What kind of Republican doesn't want to put kids and the elderly to work and won't accuse the disabled of faking it?

actor212 May 8, 2012 at 11:19 am

Well, see, that's the beauty of it, since he was speaking in the abstract, but you know the second some Iraq vet wheeled up to him, he'd be all, "I know what you're up to, now stop it"

Steverino247 May 8, 2012 at 11:18 am

LePage: "I didn't a 'harumph' outta that guy!"

Lamarr: "Give the Governor a 'harumph!'"

imissopus May 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

You watch your ass!

ttommyunger May 8, 2012 at 12:26 pm

We've got to protect our phony-baloney jobs!

metamarcisf May 8, 2012 at 11:22 am

According to Pepe Le Page, while your debutante may know what you need, he knows what you want.

johnnymeatworth May 8, 2012 at 11:28 am

Sure, tax dollars pay for his Ho-Hos.

mavenmaven May 8, 2012 at 11:30 am

He sounds like he's got a male sex scandal about to break.

Biff May 8, 2012 at 12:22 pm

And there goes breakfast.

ElPinche May 8, 2012 at 11:35 am

Don't forget all the mouthbreathing morons who applaud for Lepage's bootstrap-pulling bullshit. If it wasn't for those nincompoops , that cracker barrel regular would not have a platform.

NellCote71 May 8, 2012 at 11:54 am

So, hypothetically, if LePage or Christie were to become vice president, would they be required to reserve two seats on Air Force Two?

James Michael Curley May 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

"Yossarian sidled up drunkenly to Colonel Korn at the officers' club one night to kid with him about the new Lepage gun that the Germans had moved in. "What Lepage gun?" Colonel Korn inquired with curiosity. "The new three hundred and forty four millimeter Lepage glue gun," Yossarian answered. "It glues a whole formation of planes together in mid-air."

James Michael Curley May 8, 2012 at 11:59 am

I'm rubber, you're LePage. Whatever you say …. just google it.

not that Dewey May 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I got a couple of couches, but I sleep on the loveseat.

HelmutNewton May 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Looks like fat-ass LePage needs to stop shoving pies into his pie-hole.

imissopus May 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm

What about freelance writers who work from their couches? Is he saying I should take my laptop and go sit at my desk?

HobbesEvilTwin May 8, 2012 at 12:15 pm

clearly Maine needs more workhouses.

proudgrampa May 8, 2012 at 12:41 pm

And debtor prisons.

imissopus May 8, 2012 at 12:18 pm

If I get off the couch, where will I sleep? I already traded my bed for a sack of rice and some cans of hobo beans.

ttommyunger May 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Looks like Peter Griffin, sounds like Mitch McConnell, prolly smells like dirty socks wrapped in burnt bacon. I'm guessing he's trying to get his size 9 hat in the ring for Mitten's V.P. slot.

valthemus May 8, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Unless Paul LePage is personally opening up enough jobs for every unemployed person in Maine, he needs to shut up.

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 8, 2012 at 4:17 pm

you have the right to a minimum wage job with no insurance so you stay in debt until you die before collecting socialist security.

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