All the way from Georgia! They're migrating.

Nashville Nutz Alert operative “Ames” sends your Wonkette this delightful nature photograph of Truck Nutz roaming free and happy in the wilds of a Tennessee parking lot, for all of us to enjoy. Savor it while you can! The Truck Nutz report from South Carolina indicates that over there, the species is being hunted to extinction: “For the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed in South Carolina for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle.” Heartbreaking. [AP via one million concerned tipsters]

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  • nounverb911

    Today we are all South Carolinian truck nutz…. Wait! What?

  • nounverb911

    Did some one castrate a Gamecock again?

    • South Carolinian cocks are gamey?

    • Terry

      Ask the Hokies.

    • DaRooster

      Castrated Cocks have little game…

  • South Carolinian Truck Nutzies? Who knew? Our Wonkette knew, obvs.

  • HippieEsq

    Bro, clean your Truck Nutz!

    • HippieEsq

      Oh wait…is this diversity, in Truck Nutz form? These southerners are so complex….

    • Generation[redacted]

      Times are hard and not everyone can afford their own personal TruckNutz Washer.

      • HippieEsq

        Indeed. Southern culture is truly in jeopardy when you can't get your mother-in-law to wash your Truck Nutz anymore.

        • DaRooster

          Indeed. Southern culture is truly in jeopardy when you can't get your mother-in-law/sister to wash your Truck Nutz anymore.


  • Barb

    Speaking of nutz on and in vehicles:

    Yes, a woman was driving this car. She wants less government for everything but her lady parts.

    Less Government
    More Freedom

    Thou Shall Not Kill
    Abortion is Murder

    • nounverb911

      The car was a Subaru, was she a lesbian?

    • nounverb911

      The car was a Subaru, why does she hate America?

    • Until someone points out that No abortions = higher taxes (seriously.)

    • RavenRant

      The GOP: Getting the government off your back and up your vagina.

    • valgal2342

      This women definitely needs some truck nutz action.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Holy smokes, I am now following Jeffer on the Twitter! He's my first whatever you call a name you are following – following him is the first action I have ever taken on that bird thing. I really really really wish I understood twitter. But yay! (I guess? I really have no idea)

      • fartknocker

        Do you offer Twitter school? Because I am a twitshit (dumbshit with Twitter). I would enjoy this social media but the 140 character limit and Chuck Grassley scares the shit out of me.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    First they came for my "Eschew Obfuscation" bumper sticker, and I said nothing…

    • Serolf_Divad

      …and by the time they came for my "My Karma ate my Dogma" bumper sticker, there was no one left to speak out.

    • Negropolis

      Then they came for "My daughter is an honors student at Sarah Palin International Baccalaureate Magnet School" bumper sticker, and I was all like "who the fuck put that on my car?"

      • Sir_Fartz_Alot

        SPIBMS has the best grifting and teen pregnancy prgrams around.

    • Preferred Customer

      I didn't say anything, either, but that's because I wasn't sure what you meant.

  • e_z

    Ticketed for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle?

    That's just Nutz.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Gotta admit, it takes (fake plastic) balls to violate that law!

  • Tundra Grifter

    All this time I thought "truck nutz" were Scott Brown's Massachusetts supporters.

  • pinkocommi

    You'll have to pry my TruckNutz from my cold, dead hands…. Wait.

  • MissTaken

    Am I alone in seeing a devil face with the gigantic horn-like exhaust pipes and pointy chin-like TrukNutz?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Well if Jesus can show up on toast, in water stains, and on dog butts…

    • Preferred Customer

      He has to do something to balance out the picture of a uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries that are embedded in the Dodge logo.

      Can't be unseen.

      • I've always thought that!
        Glad I'm not the only one!

  • criminogenic

    Thankyou for this important plastic testical news.

  • edgydrifter

    His(?) mother must be so proud.

  • But … but … how does this effect Basil Marceaux?

  • FakaktaSouth

    I STILL haven't seen this here in the dirrty dirrty – I have no pride or shame about the stupid dumbfuckery I see whilst playing in traffic with my hometown mouth-breathing moron brigade (most of them comment on Breitbart's ghost's drivel apparently though – I'm still catching up and just saw that shit for the first time ever today too) BUT I SWEAR this is not a thing I have or do or know about from anywheres but wonkette. The last thing I wanna think about when behind a person who would think this is cool is their balls though. Stank-nast to the max.

    • MosesInvests

      Used to see 'em in Nawth Fladuh a lot-apparently, they're illegal now. Which is odd, for America's Dingus(tm).

      • FakaktaSouth

        Welp, I was just informed by the hubs that he's seen em all around town – some big brass ones even. I hope a "lady" is the one driving around with those too. I don't know a damned thing about anything this perfectly red-neck'ed out, apparently. I can't say I'm terribly sad about that. But I really do need to figure out a way to get the fuck up out of here.

        • HistoriCat

          I really do need to figure out a way to get the fuck up out of here

          Let us know if you hit on a good idea – there may just be a mass exodus out of the crazy states.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, I've seen them up here in Michigan. They are everywhere. But, then again, you're liable to see an entire deer tied to the top of a Prius during hunting season, up here. Excuse me, I meant Volt. We don't do anything but domestic.

    • ttommyunger

      That's what I keep hearing about shit-kickers. What, is soap, water and body talc banned in the South? Plus, any moran knows paper won't get the brown out, also, too.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If they were made of money it would be free speech.

    • V572 Is this him?

      If they were Jeebus' testicles (The Sacred Sac), it would be a First Amendment issue.

      By the way, I was in a museum in Cusco, Peru, this week and saw a painting titled "Our Lord of the Earthquakes." Really: it was Seizmic Jeebus.

      • Serolf_Divad

        The Church of the Sacred Sack sounds like the name of a French cathedral:

        Allonz! Allonz a l'eglise du Sac Sacree!

        • Tundra Grifter

          And if it had been a while, it would be "Sac be blue!"

    • Boojum

      Not terribly clear speech, what with the balls in the mouth, but free nonetheless.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Trucks owned by corporations have the right to display trucknutz. Corporations are more than people, my friends.

      This statement brought to you by the Transportation Department of Walmart.

  • Arken

    One of my neighbor has CHROME TRUCK NUTZ on his truck. Unsurprisingly, his is the only lawn that's all dirt.

    • Barb

      Lol, his lawn is all dirt and he probably has to use a weed whacker inside his house.

      • Arken

        HOWEVER- he, like almost all of my neighbors, is Hispanic. Proof that their necks may be red, but their faces can be of any shade.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          I can appreciate the practicality of a dirt yard. No fucking lawn-mowing (which I hate) and you can just water it down for mud-rasslin' fun.

          • Arken

            We already have a perfectly good solution for a yard you don't want to mow here in Southern California that doesn't involve topsoil blowing around every time it's windy. It's called concrete. Some people even paint it green.

          • Negropolis

            In the Southwest, they do xeriscaping, which is a zillion times better than concrete.

          • Arken

            Yes, but I think that's asking far too much from a guy who puts chrome truck nutz on his truck. Concrete is doable.

          • not that Dewey

            Xeriscaping, in its simplest form, is just gravel and tumbleweed. Once a year you take the propane torch to the tumbleweeds, et voila!

          • Arken

            Again- chrome truck nutz.

          • Biff

            You've seen my place on Google Earth, obvs.

          • valgal2342

            Lawn mowers always ruin my naps. It's a pet peeve. Seriously, we can build a freakin' Space Shuttle but we can't have quieter lawn mowers with truck nutz.

        • rocktonsam

          Do the Republikkins know that Brown has red necks yet?

      • Tundra Grifter

        Chainlink fence around the place; some old cars and boats parked in the front yard, etc., etc.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          1979 Z-28 up on cinder blocks? "It's a classic, gonna restore it one of these days…"

          • Biff

            TransCamaro ftw!

  • sullivanst

    I'm sure it's just a statistical reflection on the rarity of white male truck drivers, but of the two people ticketed in South Carolina for truck nuts, one was with vagina and the other was Messican.

    Pure coincidence, obvs.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Then perhaps the nutz in the first case weren't made of plastic…

  • flamingpdog

    ♫ Truckin' got my nuts cashiered. ♫

  • Troglodeity

    Next thing you know they'll be ticketing us for putting our dogs on the roof of our cars! Wake up, sheeple!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Busty chick mudflaps or GTFO!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You look so damned sexy sitting there
      With your chrome steel curves
      And your long chrome hair
      Hey mudflap girl
      Flashing in my headlight beam
      I'll follow you around the world
      You are my midnight dream
      You pack no suitcase, you wear no dress
      You ask no questions, you answer yes
      You see no evil, you tell no lies
      'Cause you have no mouth and you have no eyes
      Hey mudflap girl
      Flashing in my headlight beam
      I'll follow you around the world
      You are my midnight dream

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      My favorite variation on the theme

      • user-of-owls

        Which is all well and good, except for it has letters and words, which could prove challenging among the target demographic.

      • vtxmcrider

        Looks like some kind of transvestite with hair growing down the back and no fucking tits.

    • prommie

      Those are Silver Naked Ladies, according to the song of the same name.

      • user-of-owls

        Do the Silver Naked Ladies sing this song, 'Doo dah, doo dah'?

  • el_donaldo

    hunted to extinction

    The Nuge reports conflicted feelings.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      You know…mr outdoors would be among the first to lament the extinction of a species…but he would take special pride if he was the one that made it extinct.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Some time ago, I saw a truck or something driving around with a giant pair of chrome hex nuts hanging by chains from the hitch. I gave it a begrudged tip of my non-existent hat.

    These pendulous affronts, on the other hand, make me 1) sick to my stomach, and 2) half-nervous to honestly use the word "nuts" in my design job.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Until they come up with a truck labia, all truck nutz should be banned.

    • CapnFatback

      From your lips to God's Nutz.

    • __kth__

      Sadly a Truck Butthole will be first (probably to go in the square hole where the trailer hitch goes, which already looks a little like an asshole)

      • HistoriCat

        You could probably become, if not a one percenter at least a top 20 percenter if you could get that idea on the market.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Labia would only go on a Prius. Duh.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Someone should invent a retractable set of truck nutz.

    • Kirsten Boyd Johnson


    • Rotundo_

      Temperature sensors to reel'em in when it's cold out. Shrinkage!

      • vtxmcrider

        Or have them pulsate when you activate the windshield washer.

    • __kth__

      Wire them to the radar detector, so they automatically withdraw when predators are afoot. Imitation of nature.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just wash your truck with cold water.

  • CapnFatback

    “For the second time in a year, a motorist has been ticketed in South Carolina for displaying a replica of testicles on a vehicle.”

    I had been waiting for the other ball to drop.

    • Tundra Grifter

      You and John Kruck.

      • CapnFatback


        • Tundra Grifter

          Thank you for correcting the spelling!

  • a_pink_poodle

    I find it hilarious that the nuts are proportionately smaller in relation to the size of the truck than on an ordinary person. Proportionate size of the drivers maybe?

  • Fairtackle

    I know there is a teabagger joke in there somewhere.

    • rickmaci

      Sign at Teabagger rally:

      Don't tread on my TruckNutz.

    • It's the teabagger's answer to the question: "One lump, or two?"

    • LOL!

      OK now we need a picture of a truck with a couple of teabags hanging from the hitch!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    What babe magnet! I suppose you need the heavy suspension to properly handle the heft of his yearly date at the state fair.

    • Heiferwifen' instead of hefeweizen?

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        The horn goes moooooooooooo.

  • stncmchnc

    Gawd's gift to ballroom notoriety. My unreserved apologies to Ghost Bon Scott.

  • __kth__

    OTOH, fake semi-style smokestacks not actually attached to the exhaust system ought to cost you your drivers license.

  • Beowoof

    Whenever I see truck nutz I often believe there is a compensation going on; and usually they are on a big red truck. This says needle dick bug fucker to me.

  • What that truck is saying… "Hey everyone, I have a really tiny penis and I'm not afraid to let everyone know."

  • BarackMyWorld


    • WhatTheHeck

      Bollocks libel.

    • Negropolis

      Geoff Peterson libel!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Are those supposed to be a decent approximation of what testicles look like? After having gone through the lawn mower?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That guys dick is so small that it's inverted, but not in a cool vagina kinda way.

  • barto

    Don't tread on our Freeballin' Freedomz! (that would hurt)

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What that truck REALLY needs is a bratty cartoon character peeing on something. Oh, and a Jesus fish.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      And a decal of a NASCAR number.

    • I saw a van like that in Tucson last month. Covered with pro-gun and Nazi storm trooper decals, on either side of a Christian fish symbol. I'm sure Jesus would be thrilled to serve on the boards of the NRA and the Neo-Nazi Party.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        JT Ready had driven down for the day from Mesa.

  • southernbeale

    Wow. I live in Tennessee and the only time in my whole life I've seen Truck Nutz "in the wild" was in … wait for it .. Costa Rica.

    • DahBoner

      Sounds about right. The Pacific side of CR is where you'll meet some of the dumbest Ameticans and Cananadians in the world…

    • prommie

      Rednecks Fish. Nascar and Fishing, thems are their things, the fishing is fo the rich ones.

  • Naked_Bunny

    All trucks should be wearing pants.

    • CapnFatback

      "Do as Bunny say, not as Bunny do!"

  • rickmaci

    If Obama weren't such a snob he would hang some TruckNutz on his limo.

  • DahBoner

    "You keep your Change. I'll keep my God, Guns & Money–except what I blew on these stupid Truck Nutz, $2 Whores and Meth"

  • RavenRant

    From your headline, I thought you would be covering this story:
    ‘Truck nuts’ lead to arrest of Mexican immigrant

    EDIT: Whoops. Same story. But he was actually arrested and released on bond.

  • WhatTheHeck

    When the presidential debates begin, the one with the largest Nutz hanging on the front of his podium should be declared the winner and the right to inseminate all the females nearby.

  • elfgoldsackring

    Get those nuts to hospital! I'm pretty sure there's some kind of internal hemorrhage going on.

  • fuflans

    truck nutz: the only thing the wonketteria and the south can agree on.

    • iburl

      I thought we all liked ham biscuits too, y'all.

  • unclejeems

    Joke's on South Carolina. That truck has Georgia plates.

  • Radiotherapy

    You got a Trucknutz on my teabagger….You got a teabagger on my Trucknutz.

    • Abbott: Whose teabaggin' with Trucknuts?

    • Kinda like that famous quote by James Carville: You drag a pair of trucknutz through a trailer park… well I'm gonna paraphrase and say you're pretty sure you know you *will* find a teabagger or more emerge from sheer magnetism.

  • So Tired

    Wow, those are hanging pretty low. No wonder they're red.

  • Hmmmph! Real men hang real testicles from their trucks.

  • Negropolis

    Volunteer State Libel!

    That license plate clearly says Georgia. Not that it changes everything, but it certainly changes something.

  • Limeylizzie
    Just the tip of the iceberg.

    • Steverino247

      So truck nutz sank the Titanic?

  • rocktonsam


  • BZ1

    If this was the only thing that South Carolinians (Carolions, Carthaginians??) had to worry about?

  • JumpySnark

    Obama debates Romney re trucknutz:

  • Wile E. Quixote

    O.T. So apparently Jonah Goldberg is going to be on Piers Morgan tomorrow night, making me wonder if Piers Morgan ever does anything other than give tongue baths to chickenshit conservatives like Doughy Pantload and Turd Nuggett and if CNN really stands for "Chickenhawk News Network".

  • ElPinche

    It's a matter of time when we start seeing the Dodge Durango's with the SUVagina parked in front of home depot.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    First they came for the Truck Nutz…

  • bflrtsplk

    When that truck hits a bump of a dip oor something, those Nutz must scape the pavement. I mean, Yeowy. Those exhaust pipes are hawt.

  • thatsitfortheother1

    That truck is from Georgia. Aren't the scrota there nomally in the driver's seat?

  • niblick77

    If I had a son he would have Truck Nutz like that.


    I saw this bumper sticker here in TX:
    "A Man and his Truck. What a wonderful thing."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, according to the AP article, Hispanic guy is driving through the South, with no driver's license, with a big pair of testicles hanging from the bumper just below a Canadian license plate. I guess he never saw the ending of Easy Rider.

  • proudgrampa

    That's ballsy.

  • Preferred Customer

    "Replica of testicles" = Replicles. My new truck nutz competitor.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Le sigh… RIP Maurice Sendak.

    The Atlantic piece I linked to has my favorite Sendak quote, from an interview in comics format Sendak did with Art Spiegelman:

    "People say, 'Oh, Mr. Sendak. I wish I were in touch with my childhood self, like you!' As if it were all quaint and succulent, like Peter Pan. Childhood is cannibals and psychotics vomiting in your mouth! I say, 'You are in touch, lady–you're mean to your kids, you treat your husband like shit, you lie, you're selfish… That is your childhood self!"

    (dead link at the Atlantic; the New Yorker piece is only available online if you have a subscription, so I won't link)

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    wiener mobile libel!!!!1!!!

  • LetUsBray

    Off topic, but does anyone know what's up with Media Matters' web site? I've been getting nothing but an "Internal Server Error" page for over 24 hours now.

    • not that Dewey

      I just got in. I was greeted with the horrifying visage of Rush Limbaugh, grimacing.

      • LetUsBray

        Not me. Maybe it's my computer?

  • spareme

    I can't wait to dangle a vagina off the trailer hitch on my Mercedes.

  • cheetojeebus

    There's an Ed Gein joke* in there somewhere.

    *if that is at all possible? but hey, this is wonkette!

  • vtxmcrider

    That truck in Tennessee has black TruckNutz. How dare he shove black testicles in the white man's face! That is an affront to common decency in Tennessee, and the owner is very lucky that the KKK has not already torched that fucking truck.

  • vtxmcrider

    “This object was a pair of large fleshy testicles,” the officer wrote. “This item was flesh colored, anatomically correct, approximately the size of a softball, and in clear view of the public and other motorists.”

    The size of a softball and anatomically correct? They sure as hell love to brag down south. But we believe that shit as much as we believe that the south will rise again.

  • LiveToServeYa

    Teabaggin' roadkill 4 teh win.

  • ttommyunger

    O.K., so his hat and dick size match, but why advertise it?

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