OUR FLOURISHING PUNDITOCRACY  4:41 pm May 7, 2012

Chuck Todd Declares Existence of Homosexual Currency

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

It seems that D.C. numbers nerd Chuck Todd knows something about the contemporary campaign finance system that we do not: “Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign, he said. What is same sex money, Chuck Todd? Is that a secret Vatican currency? It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one, but have another assertion instead: “It has been the gay community that has put in money in a way to this President that is a very, very important part of the fundraising operation for President Obama’s campaign.” So what does gay money buy these days?

Is the gay money what made Joe Biden finally cop to a secret appreciation of Will and Grace on Sunday, to make the gay money happy? Or is it why the Obama administration spent all day reminding voters that the President does not support gay marriage? That would not be a very good investment for gay money.

Anyway, the real point is that Chuck Todd is already receiving inside scooplets about the decor plans for the announcement: “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.” That’s nice, Chuck Todd, but did you know that if you ask a different question, you might not always keep being told the same answer? [Crooks and Liars]

 
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{ 154 comments }

Come here a minute May 7, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Bare-bucks?

Trannysurprise May 7, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Your thinking of Sullivan-cash.

Dashboard Buddha May 7, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Obama to Chuck: Dude…I wish you would quit me.

nounverb911 May 7, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Is it anything like Ameros?

Infrogmation May 7, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Fabulos! (The exclamation point is part of the name.)

tbogg May 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Glitter is the new gold.

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Pardon me, but do you have change for a FABulous? I have to make a phone call.

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Y'know, I thought I saw the five in my pocket making eyes towards my crotch….

nounverb911 May 7, 2012 at 4:43 pm

It's the only currency Marcus Bachmannn accepts.

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 4:44 pm

“What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

"Michelle? Joe and I have a confession to make…"

Barb May 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Gay currency? Is it kept in sperm banks? Is it direct deposited?

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

No, you have to….do I need to say it?….come in.

Come here a minute May 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

You can also come out to the drive through window.

Neoyorquino May 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Maybe you just leave it on the night-stand before you leave in the morning?

WunkRocker May 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Glory. Holes.

Pragmatist2 May 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Gay money has Lincoln on the front and Jefferson behind.

CapnFatback May 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm

You know the contributions are from teh gheyz because they come in the denomination of three-dolllar bills.

MosesInvests May 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

COTD!

mavenmaven May 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Homoros

tihond May 7, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Koch Money > Gay Money

MissTaken May 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I think the official name of homosexual currency is "Euro Dollars".

JustPixelz May 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm

If the rumors are true, it's the $5 bill.

WhatTheHeck May 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Did he mentioned anything about a three dollar bill?

doloras May 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Harvey Milk's on that one.

user-of-owls May 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

And the one-eyed pyramid on the other side is rainbow-colored.

Barb May 7, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Is Gaybraham Lincoln on the $1.00 note of gay currency?

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

He doesn't appear at all.

You know, bearded…

Fairtackle May 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I thought it was James K. Poke

Pop_Socket May 7, 2012 at 5:41 pm

Warren B. Harding?

gurukalehuru May 8, 2012 at 3:39 am

George Washingballs

Maman May 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Why is it a conspiracy that gays might back the team that ultimately supports their goals? It isn't a conspiracy that rich bankers back Mittens

valthemus May 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

With bankers it's more of an "evil scheme" than a conspiracy or plot.

Wile E. Quixote May 7, 2012 at 4:51 pm

If you take the gay money out of your wallet and beat it while yelling about Jesus does it turn back into straight money?

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 8, 2012 at 9:47 am

yes

johnnyzhivago May 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Gay money is well known to be the $3.00 bill..

GOPCrusher May 7, 2012 at 5:10 pm

It has a picture of Calvin Coolidge on it.

BarackMyWorld May 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I've heard of "queer as a $3 bill," but this is ridiculous.

SorosBot May 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I'd like some gay money; our dollars are way too boring looking and need to be made fabulous.

johnnyzhivago May 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

You know you have gay money in your wallet when you open it and showtunes are playing.

valthemus May 7, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Showtunes? Try house music with a hint of trance. It's the 21st century… keep up with the stereotypes.

(Get it? Music? "Stereo"? Ha! I kill me!)

DustBowlBlues May 7, 2012 at 6:21 pm

No matter the century, I wish I had some money that played showtunes. Actually, just some money would work but the music would be great, as long as neither Jerry Herman nor Irving Berlin was included. They suck.

bagofmice May 7, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Ah, the old oontz-buck.

MissTaken May 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I think Canada is already accepting gay currency as legal tender http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/canada-issue

BarackMyWorld May 7, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I always wondered why currency wasn't designed by 8 year olds.

Chet Kincaid May 7, 2012 at 5:45 pm

What's gay about it?

MissTaken May 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Nothing, just wanted to post the article because I actually think the coins are really cool and it's lame the US would never do anything similar.

Chet Kincaid May 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Down here, we'd get a Kim Kardashian Kuarter with a dress that disappears in the dark — front and backside. That would be if we had a sense of whimsy mixed in with our atrocious taste.

LionHeartSoyDog May 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

So legal tender is Barely $18?

Blueb4sunrise May 7, 2012 at 4:53 pm

We're now on the Glee Standard.

DustBowlBlues May 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Mr. Schuester to be in charge of Natl. Endowment for the Arts.

JustPixelz May 7, 2012 at 4:54 pm

"Your money is no good here" is often heard when teh gheys try to donate to the Repubicans or pay for prayer therapy with teh Bachmanns.

Baconzgood May 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Gay money only works in boutique pet stores and places that have glory holes.

WhatTheHeck May 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

So Dodd brought this up only because he was going through his change and it gave him an idea?

MissTaken May 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

he was going through his change

Men go through menopause, too? That was not part of the girl's version of sex ed.

Chet Kincaid May 7, 2012 at 5:46 pm

With men, it's called The Change Of Wives.

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Then we buy a two seat roadster.

starfanglednut May 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Men go through menopause, too?

They should. After all, they have pms ALL THE TIME.

Schmannnity May 7, 2012 at 4:56 pm

MSNBC=Making Shit up Now Because Can

ManchuCandidate May 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I guess I should have known when I found Larry Craig on the $1 and Roy Cohen on the $100.

elviouslyqueer May 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Gee, Chuck, why tho thenthitive? Oh, and David, darling. You really need somebody to take a weed whacker to your eyebrows and pump you full of Botox, because you're starting to sag something fierce, girlfriend.

Baconzgood May 7, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Can I get some of that homo money?

widestanceromance May 7, 2012 at 4:58 pm

My gay money must be stuck in the latency stage.

Lascauxcaveman May 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one

Tom Friedman : The Mustache of Understanding :: Chuck Todd : The Goatee of Makin' Shit Up.

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Boy, gay money would bring a whole new dimension to tipping.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm

All of my gay dollars are tied up in my 401(gay).

Blueb4sunrise May 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Winnah!!!

Doktor StrangeZoom May 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I don't think Chuck Todd can get away with lavendermailing Obama like this.

CapnFatback May 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Gay money's okay, but your best best is to bring your bisexual money to double-couple day at the market and watch the savings multiply!

Hera Sent Me May 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Queer cash for the straight guy.

Rotundo_ May 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I think he's pulling this story out of his ass, rather like Papillon…

MissTaken May 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I assume the exchange rate between regular and homosexual currency is 1 to 69

Pragmatist2 May 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I believe it takes 2 to 69

Fairtackle May 7, 2012 at 5:04 pm

"nom, nom, nom" is the sound of Joe Scarborough gnawing on his own small intestine.

Wile E. Quixote May 7, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I didn't know that Chuck Todd played Dante inClerks. He was funnier when Kevin Smith was writing his dialogue.

doloras May 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

He's not even supposed to be here today.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Chuck Todd will now be paid solely in ass pennies.

hagajim May 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Expressing his change in a more appropriate place than a press conference? Is Barry going to one of those ghey bathhouses?

PubOption May 7, 2012 at 7:42 pm

A washroom at Minneapolis airport?

poorgradstudent May 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Wait, despite being poorgradstudent I'm richer than Wall Street execs now?! I want five well-muscled gigolos with nicely trimmed beards bringing me hot dogs laced with barbiturates!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

“What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

In the bedroom?

HobbesEvilTwin May 7, 2012 at 5:18 pm

silly democrat; Obama only changes positions (in the bedroom or otherwise) when the superpacs tell him to.

Negropolis May 8, 2012 at 12:44 am

That's even more the case with Romney. That man can't even decide whether to shit or not without an advisor or donor suggar-daddy present.

Tundra Grifter May 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

So instead of shooting your wad you're now supposed to spend it?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 7, 2012 at 5:13 pm

You know, those wigs on the presidents are starting to make sense.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Really, doesn't Canada, the UK, Australia, etc. have the gayest money? After all, they all have a old queen on it.

Jukesgrrl May 7, 2012 at 6:22 pm

And multi-colored bills, the last time I was there. I once heard a Seattle disc jockey suggest that when Canadians want to trip, "All they have to do is open their wallets and look at their money. Psychedelic!"

Tundra Grifter May 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

I thought money couldn't buy happiness – it turns out it can't buy gayness?

Or gayness can buy money? Or political power?

This is all more confusing than the real gender of Marcus B.

HobbesEvilTwin May 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

who cares what the currency looks like? ALL of Charlotte will be fabulous.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 7, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I always thought the gayest currency was the "pound".

SexySmurf May 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Even gayer than the Vietnamese đồng?

(That's actually what it's called).

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Exchange rate circa 1969 $1 = $12 MPC (Military Payment Certificates) = ₫12,000. Before Nixon devalued the dollar twice in the summer of 1972 we could have bought the country for the price of Chevy Nova.

littlebigdaddy May 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Yes, but nothing LOOKED gayer than the old French francs.

Rotundo_ May 7, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Somewhere in a really really really small market, a local television station is missing its anchor buffoon. Chuck, can't you hear Iowa calling, calling your name? They would probably award you the Golden Cob or the Silver Sow for journalistic excellence or something. You could do "On the Scene" interviews at openings of Day Cares and Piggly Wiggly's and so much more intellectually appropriate* reportage than this….

*For Chuck, not his audience, his audience would marvel at his brilliance.

Dashboard Buddha May 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Chuck: Golden…Cob?

Abernathy May 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Just the thing for buying a homosexual agenda/Filofax.

SayItWithWookies May 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Gay money doesn't replace straight money, Chuck — it shoves that bitch face-down into her creme brulee.

elviouslyqueer May 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Oh no. It's far more vicious than that. I imagine it scratches up straight money's face with impeccably manicured Lee Press-On french tips, rips her hair out by the roots, and clocks her in the shin with a mannequin's arm.

Butch_Wagstaff May 7, 2012 at 8:52 pm

If they right wingers were really serious about talking what causes homosexuality they'd stop talking about distant fathers/mothers and whatever. They should be talking about 1980s TV. I mean, that's around the time when homosexuals seemed to be everywhere all of the sudden, right?

sullivanst May 7, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Gay money doesn't replace straight money, they just "experiment" together sometimes.

Designer_Rants May 7, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Like in college, or at camp.

DaRooster May 7, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Jealous much?

sullivanst May 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Uh, would someone care to explain to Chuck Todd that the gay community did really quite well by Barack back in '08 and have not been his biggest fans at all times during his first term?

Yes, hate crimes and DADT, but no ENDA and DOMA's still on the books. Yes, Romney's atrocious on LGBT issues, but McCain wasn't exactly gay-friendly either. The only reason I see to suspect that gay money might be flowing more abundantly than '08 is that the GOP has spent the last four years proving what was previously mostly only (very strongly) suspected about them: that it's not in any way about "defending marriage", it's about seeing LGBTs as entirely subhuman, not entitled to even the most basic of protections from physical and verbal abuse. But even that's not completely new, so I have only one thing to say to Chuck Todd:

Sources, or GTFO.

a_pink_poodle May 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Well I haven't seen a penny of such money. But then again, I dunno if The Gays™ trust The Bi's™ as much.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 7, 2012 at 6:11 pm

The Buy-Sexuals?

Eve8Apples May 7, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Although conservatives loudly denounce gay marriage, they are more than happy to accept gay money.

sezme May 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I know that some people tip their waiters more than 20%, and I know interest rates are low, but it's still surprising that gay money is worth so much more than Wall Street money. But I guess Chuck Todd's reasoning is that the 10% is greater than the 1%.

savethispatient May 7, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Well, given the large wealth gap in this country, our money does appear to enjoy the company of other money. But once you have a large enough pile of money, it apparently then breeds more money. What I'm saying is, the science isn't in yet. Send me all your money and I'll continue my studies.

FakaktaSouth May 7, 2012 at 5:36 pm

I have some guy friends that I travel with sometimes and they are always talking about whether a place is on "the registry" or "the list" and I know they mean it is a gay friendly, gay approved place we are going – restaurants or hotels or such. (and I don't mean to be stereotypical, but man, those places are always more awesome)
However, I swear they NEVER told me they used special money too. Damn it!

ttommyunger May 8, 2012 at 1:08 pm

My wife is a HUGE F.H. Her "boys" adore her and the feeling is mutual, I assure you. When they go off together she always comes home tired and happy. I know I should be concerned/jealous or some shit, but I'm fine with it, them. It is a special bond that defies description.

el_donaldo May 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I wondered why the bills in my wallet never reproduced.

BaldarTFlagass May 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

So I guess any homosexual money that I have really likes it when I 'blow' it at the titty bar or out in Vegas?

FakaktaSouth May 7, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I think it definitely appreciates being blown, but would also really appreciate it if you could stop putting it so close to the bald vaginas. "Ew, It looks like a sad old man" (Family Guy)

Radiotherapy May 7, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Some of my best friends are owners of gay money.

user-of-owls May 7, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Some of my best owners are gay for money.

Blueb4sunrise May 7, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Them gay presidents
Them gay presidents
Well I ain't broke but I'm badly bent
Everybody loves them gay presidents

A little bit of Lincoln can't park the car
Washington he can't go too far
Jefferson is good, played the track
If you think you're gonna bring some big bitch back

Them gay presidents…

Hamilton on a ten can get you straight
But Jackson on a twenty is really great
And if you're talkin about a poor man's friend
Grant will get you out of whatever you're in

Them gay presidents…

A hundred dollar Franklin is really sweet
A five hundred McKinley is the one for me
If I get a Cleveland I'm really set
A thousand dollar Cleveland is hard to get

-Willie Dicksem

starfanglednut May 7, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Repubs keep all their gay money in the closet.

sullivanst May 7, 2012 at 5:58 pm

So that's why hotels always keep the safe in there…

glamourdammerung May 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Homosexuals contribute to the candidate that considers them human. No one can explain it.

mrblifil May 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm

This explains all the buck fucking.

ElPinche May 7, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Ug..Chuck Todd…..Mr. Gloried Irrelevancy.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

He doesn't speak the gay language
He holds no gay currency

DustBowlBlues May 7, 2012 at 6:16 pm

No snark comes to mind (hay fever and arthritis. Gimme a break, kids) about Chuck Todd except I hope he's right. I would feel so much safer in a country run by behind-the-scenes players like Mrs. and Mrs. Ellen and Mr. and Mr. Neil Patrick Harris dictating policy rather than the Kock brothers, et. al. making all the decisions.

Go rich gay people! Give Hopey more money.

Veritas78 May 7, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Clearly, Chuck isn't getting any gay money, or it would have told him that his prison-pussy isn't in style anymore.

He seems to take his fashion hints from MLB — ouch.

Jukesgrrl May 7, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Chuck has met the Peter Principle and the math skills that served him well counting up votes don't transfer to money.

fitley May 7, 2012 at 6:34 pm

The reason nobody knows about Obama's gay money is becuase he keeps it in his closet.

MarionNYNY May 7, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Tim Russert was the glue holding the MSNBC ship together — the level-headed adult in the room. Except for Rachel, it's been a mess since his death.

SilverFox May 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

So what does gay money buy Wonkette asks? Everything at Crate & Barrel for starters.

Designer_Rants May 7, 2012 at 11:00 pm

The Gay Dollar is strong relative to the Amero, then. What's a Crate & Barrel cork screw these days, $35?

John Birf Society May 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I bid 50 queerludes for the newcummers.

littlebigdaddy May 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Gay money? Rolled-up ten-spots passed through glory holes?

MadBrahms May 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

That's nothing. Wait until he sees the birth-control quarters.

DahBoner May 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Chuck Todd? Isn't he the sleepy guy at the stupid desk job who needs a shot of that 6 hour energy shit, in order to make it through the afternoon rubber stamping foreclosures?

user-of-owls May 7, 2012 at 8:27 pm

In the race to the bottom, my gay money's on Fuck Toad.

not that Dewey May 8, 2012 at 8:53 am

Does his qualify as a "pudding-cup beard"?

user-of-owls May 8, 2012 at 9:51 am

Witch one?

not that Dewey May 8, 2012 at 9:56 am

You know, that dildo

user-of-owls May 8, 2012 at 2:51 pm

That is a HOLYSPIRIT MANUSCRIPT comment right there.

pinkocommi May 7, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Romney has a lock on the homophobic-right-wing-preachers-who-secretly-bang-gay-prostitutes-while-on-meth money, of course.

not that Dewey May 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Can the Kochs even compete with Big Homo?

unclrobot May 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Moneyshot or GTFO

rocktonsam May 7, 2012 at 9:17 pm

my ghey moneyz isn't attracted to me either, too

pdiddycornchips May 7, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I for one welcome our new twink overlords.

BZ1 May 7, 2012 at 11:27 pm

In Canada, they have Canadian Tire money, which is pretty gay …

Chow Yun Flat May 7, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I use gay money to buy homo milk.

Negropolis May 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

Bless his heart. Lil' Chuck tries so very hard.

Negropolis May 8, 2012 at 12:41 am

I thought we already had a homosexual currency. It's called the Euro.

**rimshot**

The pound is a pretty close runner-up with all of its queens.

Callyson May 8, 2012 at 1:35 am

“Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign

Then can we also get gay people to replace Wall Street people in President Barack Obama's administration?

gurukalehuru May 8, 2012 at 4:12 am

Oh, goodie, boring green replaced with fabulous rainbow colors, just like Europe. And James Buchanan on the $100 note.

Dildeaux May 8, 2012 at 8:33 am

Gay money would look much nicer than the tacky, wrinkled old folding money we use these days. I demand a Money Makeover reality show!

proudgrampa May 8, 2012 at 9:13 am

I know I would be gay if someone gave me a lot of money.

What?

ttommyunger May 8, 2012 at 1:10 pm

The thing is, gay money can eventually be spent. Teh gheys, on the other hand, are indefatigable.

not that Dewey May 8, 2012 at 3:37 pm

BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR.

user-of-owls May 8, 2012 at 8:25 pm

It's nice to see that Nadine found her niche, though I confess it never occurred to me that she was black. Huh.

not that Dewey May 8, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Even Nadine never went so far as to randomly punctuate her all-caps book reviews with colons and double arrows. This is a whole 'nother level of weirdness.

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