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Chuck Todd Declares Existence of Homosexual Currency

It seems that D.C. numbers nerd Chuck Todd knows something about the contemporary campaign finance system that we do not: “Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign, he said. What is same sex money, Chuck Todd? Is that a secret Vatican currency? It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one, but have another assertion instead: “It has been the gay community that has put in money in a way to this President that is a very, very important part of the fundraising operation for President Obama’s campaign.” So what does gay money buy these days?

Is the gay money what made Joe Biden finally cop to a secret appreciation of Will and Grace on Sunday, to make the gay money happy? Or is it why the Obama administration spent all day reminding voters that the President does not support gay marriage? That would not be a very good investment for gay money.

Anyway, the real point is that Chuck Todd is already receiving inside scooplets about the decor plans for the announcement: “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.” That’s nice, Chuck Todd, but did you know that if you ask a different question, you might not always keep being told the same answer? [Crooks and Liars]

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154 comments

  1. actor212

    “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

    "Michelle? Joe and I have a confession to make…"

    1. Neoyorquino

      Maybe you just leave it on the night-stand before you leave in the morning?

  2. CapnFatback

    You know the contributions are from teh gheyz because they come in the denomination of three-dolllar bills.

  3. Maman

    Why is it a conspiracy that gays might back the team that ultimately supports their goals? It isn't a conspiracy that rich bankers back Mittens

  4. Wile E. Quixote

    If you take the gay money out of your wallet and beat it while yelling about Jesus does it turn back into straight money?

  5. SorosBot

    I'd like some gay money; our dollars are way too boring looking and need to be made fabulous.

    1. valthemus

      Showtunes? Try house music with a hint of trance. It's the 21st century… keep up with the stereotypes.

      (Get it? Music? "Stereo"? Ha! I kill me!)

      1. DustBowlBlues

        No matter the century, I wish I had some money that played showtunes. Actually, just some money would work but the music would be great, as long as neither Jerry Herman nor Irving Berlin was included. They suck.

      1. MissTaken

        Nothing, just wanted to post the article because I actually think the coins are really cool and it's lame the US would never do anything similar.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Down here, we'd get a Kim Kardashian Kuarter with a dress that disappears in the dark — front and backside. That would be if we had a sense of whimsy mixed in with our atrocious taste.

  6. JustPixelz

    "Your money is no good here" is often heard when teh gheys try to donate to the Repubicans or pay for prayer therapy with teh Bachmanns.

  7. Baconzgood

    Gay money only works in boutique pet stores and places that have glory holes.

  8. WhatTheHeck

    So Dodd brought this up only because he was going through his change and it gave him an idea?

    1. MissTaken

      he was going through his change

      Men go through menopause, too? That was not part of the girl's version of sex ed.

  9. elviouslyqueer

    Gee, Chuck, why tho thenthitive? Oh, and David, darling. You really need somebody to take a weed whacker to your eyebrows and pump you full of Botox, because you're starting to sag something fierce, girlfriend.

  10. Lascauxcaveman

    It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one

    Tom Friedman : The Mustache of Understanding :: Chuck Todd : The Goatee of Makin' Shit Up.

  11. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I don't think Chuck Todd can get away with lavendermailing Obama like this.

  12. CapnFatback

    Gay money's okay, but your best best is to bring your bisexual money to double-couple day at the market and watch the savings multiply!

  13. MissTaken

    I assume the exchange rate between regular and homosexual currency is 1 to 69

  14. Fairtackle

    "nom, nom, nom" is the sound of Joe Scarborough gnawing on his own small intestine.

  15. Wile E. Quixote

    I didn't know that Chuck Todd played Dante inClerks. He was funnier when Kevin Smith was writing his dialogue.

  16. hagajim

    Expressing his change in a more appropriate place than a press conference? Is Barry going to one of those ghey bathhouses?

  17. poorgradstudent

    Wait, despite being poorgradstudent I'm richer than Wall Street execs now?! I want five well-muscled gigolos with nicely trimmed beards bringing me hot dogs laced with barbiturates!

  18. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

    In the bedroom?

    1. HobbesEvilTwin

      silly democrat; Obama only changes positions (in the bedroom or otherwise) when the superpacs tell him to.

      1. Negropolis

        That's even more the case with Romney. That man can't even decide whether to shit or not without an advisor or donor suggar-daddy present.

  19. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, those wigs on the presidents are starting to make sense.

  20. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Really, doesn't Canada, the UK, Australia, etc. have the gayest money? After all, they all have a old queen on it.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      And multi-colored bills, the last time I was there. I once heard a Seattle disc jockey suggest that when Canadians want to trip, "All they have to do is open their wallets and look at their money. Psychedelic!"

  21. Tundra Grifter

    I thought money couldn't buy happiness – it turns out it can't buy gayness?

    Or gayness can buy money? Or political power?

    This is all more confusing than the real gender of Marcus B.

  22. HobbesEvilTwin

    who cares what the currency looks like? ALL of Charlotte will be fabulous.

      1. James Michael Curley

        Exchange rate circa 1969 $1 = $12 MPC (Military Payment Certificates) = ₫12,000. Before Nixon devalued the dollar twice in the summer of 1972 we could have bought the country for the price of Chevy Nova.

  23. Rotundo_

    Somewhere in a really really really small market, a local television station is missing its anchor buffoon. Chuck, can't you hear Iowa calling, calling your name? They would probably award you the Golden Cob or the Silver Sow for journalistic excellence or something. You could do "On the Scene" interviews at openings of Day Cares and Piggly Wiggly's and so much more intellectually appropriate* reportage than this….

    *For Chuck, not his audience, his audience would marvel at his brilliance.

  24. SayItWithWookies

    Gay money doesn't replace straight money, Chuck — it shoves that bitch face-down into her creme brulee.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        If they right wingers were really serious about talking what causes homosexuality they'd stop talking about distant fathers/mothers and whatever. They should be talking about 1980s TV. I mean, that's around the time when homosexuals seemed to be everywhere all of the sudden, right?

    1. sullivanst

      Gay money doesn't replace straight money, they just "experiment" together sometimes.

  25. sullivanst

    Uh, would someone care to explain to Chuck Todd that the gay community did really quite well by Barack back in '08 and have not been his biggest fans at all times during his first term?

    Yes, hate crimes and DADT, but no ENDA and DOMA's still on the books. Yes, Romney's atrocious on LGBT issues, but McCain wasn't exactly gay-friendly either. The only reason I see to suspect that gay money might be flowing more abundantly than '08 is that the GOP has spent the last four years proving what was previously mostly only (very strongly) suspected about them: that it's not in any way about "defending marriage", it's about seeing LGBTs as entirely subhuman, not entitled to even the most basic of protections from physical and verbal abuse. But even that's not completely new, so I have only one thing to say to Chuck Todd:

    Sources, or GTFO.

  26. a_pink_poodle

    Well I haven't seen a penny of such money. But then again, I dunno if The Gays™ trust The Bi's™ as much.

  27. Eve8Apples

    Although conservatives loudly denounce gay marriage, they are more than happy to accept gay money.

  28. sezme

    I know that some people tip their waiters more than 20%, and I know interest rates are low, but it's still surprising that gay money is worth so much more than Wall Street money. But I guess Chuck Todd's reasoning is that the 10% is greater than the 1%.

  29. savethispatient

    Well, given the large wealth gap in this country, our money does appear to enjoy the company of other money. But once you have a large enough pile of money, it apparently then breeds more money. What I'm saying is, the science isn't in yet. Send me all your money and I'll continue my studies.

  30. FakaktaSouth

    I have some guy friends that I travel with sometimes and they are always talking about whether a place is on "the registry" or "the list" and I know they mean it is a gay friendly, gay approved place we are going – restaurants or hotels or such. (and I don't mean to be stereotypical, but man, those places are always more awesome)
    However, I swear they NEVER told me they used special money too. Damn it!

    1. ttommyunger

      My wife is a HUGE F.H. Her "boys" adore her and the feeling is mutual, I assure you. When they go off together she always comes home tired and happy. I know I should be concerned/jealous or some shit, but I'm fine with it, them. It is a special bond that defies description.

  31. BaldarTFlagass

    So I guess any homosexual money that I have really likes it when I 'blow' it at the titty bar or out in Vegas?

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I think it definitely appreciates being blown, but would also really appreciate it if you could stop putting it so close to the bald vaginas. "Ew, It looks like a sad old man" (Family Guy)

  32. Blueb4sunrise

    Them gay presidents
    Them gay presidents
    Well I ain't broke but I'm badly bent
    Everybody loves them gay presidents

    A little bit of Lincoln can't park the car
    Washington he can't go too far
    Jefferson is good, played the track
    If you think you're gonna bring some big bitch back

    Them gay presidents…

    Hamilton on a ten can get you straight
    But Jackson on a twenty is really great
    And if you're talkin about a poor man's friend
    Grant will get you out of whatever you're in

    Them gay presidents…

    A hundred dollar Franklin is really sweet
    A five hundred McKinley is the one for me
    If I get a Cleveland I'm really set
    A thousand dollar Cleveland is hard to get

    -Willie Dicksem

  33. DustBowlBlues

    No snark comes to mind (hay fever and arthritis. Gimme a break, kids) about Chuck Todd except I hope he's right. I would feel so much safer in a country run by behind-the-scenes players like Mrs. and Mrs. Ellen and Mr. and Mr. Neil Patrick Harris dictating policy rather than the Kock brothers, et. al. making all the decisions.

    Go rich gay people! Give Hopey more money.

  34. Veritas78

    Clearly, Chuck isn't getting any gay money, or it would have told him that his prison-pussy isn't in style anymore.

    He seems to take his fashion hints from MLB — ouch.

  35. fitley

    The reason nobody knows about Obama's gay money is becuase he keeps it in his closet.

  36. MarionNYNY

    Tim Russert was the glue holding the MSNBC ship together — the level-headed adult in the room. Except for Rachel, it's been a mess since his death.

  37. SilverFox

    So what does gay money buy Wonkette asks? Everything at Crate & Barrel for starters.

  38. DahBoner

    Chuck Todd? Isn't he the sleepy guy at the stupid desk job who needs a shot of that 6 hour energy shit, in order to make it through the afternoon rubber stamping foreclosures?

          1. not that Dewey

            BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR.

          2. user-of-owls

            It's nice to see that Nadine found her niche, though I confess it never occurred to me that she was black. Huh.

          3. not that Dewey

            Even Nadine never went so far as to randomly punctuate her all-caps book reviews with colons and double arrows. This is a whole 'nother level of weirdness.

  39. pinkocommi

    Romney has a lock on the homophobic-right-wing-preachers-who-secretly-bang-gay-prostitutes-while-on-meth money, of course.

  40. Negropolis

    I thought we already had a homosexual currency. It's called the Euro.

    **rimshot**

    The pound is a pretty close runner-up with all of its queens.

  41. Callyson

    “Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign

    Then can we also get gay people to replace Wall Street people in President Barack Obama's administration?

  42. Dildeaux

    Gay money would look much nicer than the tacky, wrinkled old folding money we use these days. I demand a Money Makeover reality show!

  43. ttommyunger

    The thing is, gay money can eventually be spent. Teh gheys, on the other hand, are indefatigable.

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