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Chuck Todd Declares Existence of Homosexual Currency

It seems that D.C. numbers nerd Chuck Todd knows something about the contemporary campaign finance system that we do not: “Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign, he said. What is same sex money, Chuck Todd? Is that a secret Vatican currency? It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one, but have another assertion instead: “It has been the gay community that has put in money in a way to this President that is a very, very important part of the fundraising operation for President Obama’s campaign.” So what does gay money buy these days?

Is the gay money what made Joe Biden finally cop to a secret appreciation of Will and Grace on Sunday, to make the gay money happy? Or is it why the Obama administration spent all day reminding voters that the President does not support gay marriage? That would not be a very good investment for gay money.

Anyway, the real point is that Chuck Todd is already receiving inside scooplets about the decor plans for the announcement: “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.” That’s nice, Chuck Todd, but did you know that if you ask a different question, you might not always keep being told the same answer? [Crooks and Liars]

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  • Come here a minute

    Bare-bucks?

    • Trannysurprise

      Your thinking of Sullivan-cash.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Obama to Chuck: Dude…I wish you would quit me.

  • nounverb911

    Is it anything like Ameros?

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Fabulos! (The exclamation point is part of the name.)

  • tbogg

    Glitter is the new gold.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Pardon me, but do you have change for a FABulous? I have to make a phone call.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Y'know, I thought I saw the five in my pocket making eyes towards my crotch….

  • nounverb911

    It's the only currency Marcus Bachmannn accepts.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

    "Michelle? Joe and I have a confession to make…"

  • Barb

    Gay currency? Is it kept in sperm banks? Is it direct deposited?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No, you have to….do I need to say it?….come in.

      • Come here a minute

        You can also come out to the drive through window.

    • Neoyorquino

      Maybe you just leave it on the night-stand before you leave in the morning?

    • WunkRocker

      Glory. Holes.

  • Pragmatist2

    Gay money has Lincoln on the front and Jefferson behind.

  • CapnFatback

    You know the contributions are from teh gheyz because they come in the denomination of three-dolllar bills.

    • MosesInvests

      COTD!

  • mavenmaven

    Homoros

  • tihond

    Koch Money > Gay Money

  • MissTaken

    I think the official name of homosexual currency is "Euro Dollars".

  • JustPixelz

    If the rumors are true, it's the $5 bill.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Did he mentioned anything about a three dollar bill?

      • doloras

        Harvey Milk's on that one.

        • user-of-owls

          And the one-eyed pyramid on the other side is rainbow-colored.

  • Barb

    Is Gaybraham Lincoln on the $1.00 note of gay currency?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      He doesn't appear at all.

      You know, bearded…

    • Fairtackle

      I thought it was James K. Poke

      • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

        Warren B. Harding?

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      George Washingballs

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Why is it a conspiracy that gays might back the team that ultimately supports their goals? It isn't a conspiracy that rich bankers back Mittens

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      With bankers it's more of an "evil scheme" than a conspiracy or plot.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    If you take the gay money out of your wallet and beat it while yelling about Jesus does it turn back into straight money?

    • Sir_Fartz_Alot

      yes

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Gay money is well known to be the $3.00 bill..

    • GOPCrusher

      It has a picture of Calvin Coolidge on it.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I've heard of "queer as a $3 bill," but this is ridiculous.

  • SorosBot

    I'd like some gay money; our dollars are way too boring looking and need to be made fabulous.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    You know you have gay money in your wallet when you open it and showtunes are playing.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Showtunes? Try house music with a hint of trance. It's the 21st century… keep up with the stereotypes.

      (Get it? Music? "Stereo"? Ha! I kill me!)

      • DustBowlBlues

        No matter the century, I wish I had some money that played showtunes. Actually, just some money would work but the music would be great, as long as neither Jerry Herman nor Irving Berlin was included. They suck.

      • bagofmice

        Ah, the old oontz-buck.

  • MissTaken

    I think Canada is already accepting gay currency as legal tender http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/canada-issue

    • BarackMyWorld

      I always wondered why currency wasn't designed by 8 year olds.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      What's gay about it?

      • MissTaken

        Nothing, just wanted to post the article because I actually think the coins are really cool and it's lame the US would never do anything similar.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Down here, we'd get a Kim Kardashian Kuarter with a dress that disappears in the dark — front and backside. That would be if we had a sense of whimsy mixed in with our atrocious taste.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      So legal tender is Barely $18?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    We're now on the Glee Standard.

    • DustBowlBlues

      Mr. Schuester to be in charge of Natl. Endowment for the Arts.

  • JustPixelz

    "Your money is no good here" is often heard when teh gheys try to donate to the Repubicans or pay for prayer therapy with teh Bachmanns.

  • Baconzgood

    Gay money only works in boutique pet stores and places that have glory holes.

  • WhatTheHeck

    So Dodd brought this up only because he was going through his change and it gave him an idea?

    • MissTaken

      he was going through his change

      Men go through menopause, too? That was not part of the girl's version of sex ed.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        With men, it's called The Change Of Wives.

        • James Michael Curley

          Then we buy a two seat roadster.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Men go through menopause, too?

        They should. After all, they have pms ALL THE TIME.

  • Schmannnity

    MSNBC=Making Shit up Now Because Can

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    I guess I should have known when I found Larry Craig on the $1 and Roy Cohen on the $100.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Gee, Chuck, why tho thenthitive? Oh, and David, darling. You really need somebody to take a weed whacker to your eyebrows and pump you full of Botox, because you're starting to sag something fierce, girlfriend.

    • Baconzgood

      Can I get some of that homo money?

  • widestanceromance

    My gay money must be stuck in the latency stage.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    It’s a fascinating assertion. How about a source for that bit of reporting? No, there isn’t one

    Tom Friedman : The Mustache of Understanding :: Chuck Todd : The Goatee of Makin' Shit Up.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Boy, gay money would bring a whole new dimension to tipping.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    All of my gay dollars are tied up in my 401(gay).

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Winnah!!!

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I don't think Chuck Todd can get away with lavendermailing Obama like this.

  • CapnFatback

    Gay money's okay, but your best best is to bring your bisexual money to double-couple day at the market and watch the savings multiply!

  • Hera Sent Me

    Queer cash for the straight guy.

    • Rotundo_

      I think he's pulling this story out of his ass, rather like Papillon…

  • MissTaken

    I assume the exchange rate between regular and homosexual currency is 1 to 69

    • Pragmatist2

      I believe it takes 2 to 69

  • Fairtackle

    "nom, nom, nom" is the sound of Joe Scarborough gnawing on his own small intestine.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I didn't know that Chuck Todd played Dante inClerks. He was funnier when Kevin Smith was writing his dialogue.

    • doloras

      He's not even supposed to be here today.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Chuck Todd will now be paid solely in ass pennies.

  • hagajim

    Expressing his change in a more appropriate place than a press conference? Is Barry going to one of those ghey bathhouses?

    • PubOption

      A washroom at Minneapolis airport?

  • poorgradstudent

    Wait, despite being poorgradstudent I'm richer than Wall Street execs now?! I want five well-muscled gigolos with nicely trimmed beards bringing me hot dogs laced with barbiturates!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “What I keep being told is [President Barack Obama is] not ever going to announce his change in his position at a press conference. He’ll do it a more appropriate venue.”

    In the bedroom?

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      silly democrat; Obama only changes positions (in the bedroom or otherwise) when the superpacs tell him to.

      • Negropolis

        That's even more the case with Romney. That man can't even decide whether to shit or not without an advisor or donor suggar-daddy present.

  • Tundra Grifter

    So instead of shooting your wad you're now supposed to spend it?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, those wigs on the presidents are starting to make sense.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Really, doesn't Canada, the UK, Australia, etc. have the gayest money? After all, they all have a old queen on it.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And multi-colored bills, the last time I was there. I once heard a Seattle disc jockey suggest that when Canadians want to trip, "All they have to do is open their wallets and look at their money. Psychedelic!"

  • Tundra Grifter

    I thought money couldn't buy happiness – it turns out it can't buy gayness?

    Or gayness can buy money? Or political power?

    This is all more confusing than the real gender of Marcus B.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    who cares what the currency looks like? ALL of Charlotte will be fabulous.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I always thought the gayest currency was the "pound".

    • SexySmurf

      Even gayer than the Vietnamese đồng?

      (That's actually what it's called).

      • James Michael Curley

        Exchange rate circa 1969 $1 = $12 MPC (Military Payment Certificates) = ₫12,000. Before Nixon devalued the dollar twice in the summer of 1972 we could have bought the country for the price of Chevy Nova.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Yes, but nothing LOOKED gayer than the old French francs.

  • Rotundo_

    Somewhere in a really really really small market, a local television station is missing its anchor buffoon. Chuck, can't you hear Iowa calling, calling your name? They would probably award you the Golden Cob or the Silver Sow for journalistic excellence or something. You could do "On the Scene" interviews at openings of Day Cares and Piggly Wiggly's and so much more intellectually appropriate* reportage than this….

    *For Chuck, not his audience, his audience would marvel at his brilliance.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Chuck: Golden…Cob?

  • Abernathy

    Just the thing for buying a homosexual agenda/Filofax.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gay money doesn't replace straight money, Chuck — it shoves that bitch face-down into her creme brulee.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh no. It's far more vicious than that. I imagine it scratches up straight money's face with impeccably manicured Lee Press-On french tips, rips her hair out by the roots, and clocks her in the shin with a mannequin's arm.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        If they right wingers were really serious about talking what causes homosexuality they'd stop talking about distant fathers/mothers and whatever. They should be talking about 1980s TV. I mean, that's around the time when homosexuals seemed to be everywhere all of the sudden, right?

    • sullivanst

      Gay money doesn't replace straight money, they just "experiment" together sometimes.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Like in college, or at camp.

  • DaRooster

    Jealous much?

  • sullivanst

    Uh, would someone care to explain to Chuck Todd that the gay community did really quite well by Barack back in '08 and have not been his biggest fans at all times during his first term?

    Yes, hate crimes and DADT, but no ENDA and DOMA's still on the books. Yes, Romney's atrocious on LGBT issues, but McCain wasn't exactly gay-friendly either. The only reason I see to suspect that gay money might be flowing more abundantly than '08 is that the GOP has spent the last four years proving what was previously mostly only (very strongly) suspected about them: that it's not in any way about "defending marriage", it's about seeing LGBTs as entirely subhuman, not entitled to even the most basic of protections from physical and verbal abuse. But even that's not completely new, so I have only one thing to say to Chuck Todd:

    Sources, or GTFO.

  • a_pink_poodle

    Well I haven't seen a penny of such money. But then again, I dunno if The Gays™ trust The Bi's™ as much.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      The Buy-Sexuals?

  • Eve8Apples

    Although conservatives loudly denounce gay marriage, they are more than happy to accept gay money.

  • sezme

    I know that some people tip their waiters more than 20%, and I know interest rates are low, but it's still surprising that gay money is worth so much more than Wall Street money. But I guess Chuck Todd's reasoning is that the 10% is greater than the 1%.

  • savethispatient

    Well, given the large wealth gap in this country, our money does appear to enjoy the company of other money. But once you have a large enough pile of money, it apparently then breeds more money. What I'm saying is, the science isn't in yet. Send me all your money and I'll continue my studies.

  • FakaktaSouth

    I have some guy friends that I travel with sometimes and they are always talking about whether a place is on "the registry" or "the list" and I know they mean it is a gay friendly, gay approved place we are going – restaurants or hotels or such. (and I don't mean to be stereotypical, but man, those places are always more awesome)
    However, I swear they NEVER told me they used special money too. Damn it!

    • ttommyunger

      My wife is a HUGE F.H. Her "boys" adore her and the feeling is mutual, I assure you. When they go off together she always comes home tired and happy. I know I should be concerned/jealous or some shit, but I'm fine with it, them. It is a special bond that defies description.

  • el_donaldo

    I wondered why the bills in my wallet never reproduced.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So I guess any homosexual money that I have really likes it when I 'blow' it at the titty bar or out in Vegas?

    • FakaktaSouth

      I think it definitely appreciates being blown, but would also really appreciate it if you could stop putting it so close to the bald vaginas. "Ew, It looks like a sad old man" (Family Guy)

  • Radiotherapy

    Some of my best friends are owners of gay money.

    • user-of-owls

      Some of my best owners are gay for money.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Them gay presidents
    Them gay presidents
    Well I ain't broke but I'm badly bent
    Everybody loves them gay presidents

    A little bit of Lincoln can't park the car
    Washington he can't go too far
    Jefferson is good, played the track
    If you think you're gonna bring some big bitch back

    Them gay presidents…

    Hamilton on a ten can get you straight
    But Jackson on a twenty is really great
    And if you're talkin about a poor man's friend
    Grant will get you out of whatever you're in

    Them gay presidents…

    A hundred dollar Franklin is really sweet
    A five hundred McKinley is the one for me
    If I get a Cleveland I'm really set
    A thousand dollar Cleveland is hard to get

    -Willie Dicksem

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    Repubs keep all their gay money in the closet.

    • sullivanst

      So that's why hotels always keep the safe in there…

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Homosexuals contribute to the candidate that considers them human. No one can explain it.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    This explains all the buck fucking.

  • ElPinche

    Ug..Chuck Todd…..Mr. Gloried Irrelevancy.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    He doesn't speak the gay language
    He holds no gay currency

  • DustBowlBlues

    No snark comes to mind (hay fever and arthritis. Gimme a break, kids) about Chuck Todd except I hope he's right. I would feel so much safer in a country run by behind-the-scenes players like Mrs. and Mrs. Ellen and Mr. and Mr. Neil Patrick Harris dictating policy rather than the Kock brothers, et. al. making all the decisions.

    Go rich gay people! Give Hopey more money.

  • Veritas78

    Clearly, Chuck isn't getting any gay money, or it would have told him that his prison-pussy isn't in style anymore.

    He seems to take his fashion hints from MLB — ouch.

  • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

    Chuck has met the Peter Principle and the math skills that served him well counting up votes don't transfer to money.

  • fitley

    The reason nobody knows about Obama's gay money is becuase he keeps it in his closet.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    Tim Russert was the glue holding the MSNBC ship together — the level-headed adult in the room. Except for Rachel, it's been a mess since his death.

  • SilverFox

    So what does gay money buy Wonkette asks? Everything at Crate & Barrel for starters.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      The Gay Dollar is strong relative to the Amero, then. What's a Crate & Barrel cork screw these days, $35?

  • http://www.wonkette.com John Birf Society

    I bid 50 queerludes for the newcummers.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Gay money? Rolled-up ten-spots passed through glory holes?

  • MadBrahms

    That's nothing. Wait until he sees the birth-control quarters.

  • DahBoner

    Chuck Todd? Isn't he the sleepy guy at the stupid desk job who needs a shot of that 6 hour energy shit, in order to make it through the afternoon rubber stamping foreclosures?

  • user-of-owls

    In the race to the bottom, my gay money's on Fuck Toad.

    • not that Dewey

      Does his qualify as a "pudding-cup beard"?

      • user-of-owls

        Witch one?

        • not that Dewey

          You know, that dildo

          • user-of-owls

            That is a HOLYSPIRIT MANUSCRIPT comment right there.

          • not that Dewey

            BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO>>DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR.

          • user-of-owls

            It's nice to see that Nadine found her niche, though I confess it never occurred to me that she was black. Huh.

          • not that Dewey

            Even Nadine never went so far as to randomly punctuate her all-caps book reviews with colons and double arrows. This is a whole 'nother level of weirdness.

  • pinkocommi

    Romney has a lock on the homophobic-right-wing-preachers-who-secretly-bang-gay-prostitutes-while-on-meth money, of course.

  • not that Dewey

    Can the Kochs even compete with Big Homo?

  • unclrobot

    Moneyshot or GTFO

  • rocktonsam

    my ghey moneyz isn't attracted to me either, too

  • pdiddycornchips

    I for one welcome our new twink overlords.

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    In Canada, they have Canadian Tire money, which is pretty gay …

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I use gay money to buy homo milk.

  • Negropolis

    Bless his heart. Lil' Chuck tries so very hard.

  • Negropolis

    I thought we already had a homosexual currency. It's called the Euro.

    **rimshot**

    The pound is a pretty close runner-up with all of its queens.

  • Callyson

    “Gay money in this election has replaced Wall Street money” in President Barack Obama’s election campaign

    Then can we also get gay people to replace Wall Street people in President Barack Obama's administration?

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Oh, goodie, boring green replaced with fabulous rainbow colors, just like Europe. And James Buchanan on the $100 note.

  • Dildeaux

    Gay money would look much nicer than the tacky, wrinkled old folding money we use these days. I demand a Money Makeover reality show!

  • proudgrampa

    I know I would be gay if someone gave me a lot of money.

    What?

  • ttommyunger

    The thing is, gay money can eventually be spent. Teh gheys, on the other hand, are indefatigable.