Sad Bill Johnson, Alabama’s former head of economic and community affairs and failed attempted governor of the state, has apparently left his wife and absconded to New Zealand, where he has set off on a task of inserting his johnson into any woman who will have him because he has decided that sanctified life, as authored by his sperm and any egg, is more important than being faithful to his wife and saving the world one lost political seat at a time. In December, nearly two years after he quite nearly became the governor of Alabama (but lost to Richard Bentley), it was revealed that Johnson, a Prattville native, appropriately, has like a zillion babies in New Zealand, where he has been generously donating his sperm to lesbian couples. But at some point he became quite greedy about his generosity, and once there was an earthquake in New Zealand, he was all, “PERFECT, BYE!” and went off to “help” more “lesbian couples.”
Johnson’s actual wife, Kathy, a former Mrs. Alabama (this exists), permitted an interview with The New Zealand Morning Herald, apparently, and announced that her husband is now gone because he is “obsessed” with fathering children. Apparently he wants an active role in these lil babies’ lives, and wants Kathy to live there with him so they can go around visiting babies forever. Via Raw Story, she added:
I will not chase him to the other side of the world so he can be a part-time father to children he created with other women.
It turns out that Mr. Johnson is just making “the best” of a bad situation, namely that his wife is not able to have children, because she had a hysterectomy before they were even married. Martyr (both of them). A Herald reporter found Mr. Johnson and asked him to comment.
Johnson said that his wife was unable to get pregnant and that being a father is “a need that I have.” The newspaper said three New Zealand women were pregnant with Johnson’s children, and at least nine received sperm donations from him.
So, how exactly is this sperm “donated”? Are gay women who want babies the only people who will “receive” Mr. Johnson’s johnson, hence this charitable quest? Or is this all done in the traditional method, into a plastic cup, affording Johnson the opportunity to look at porn and jerk off in a private chamber often and in a way that is not wasteful? The possibilities for how this is justified are…well, there aren’t any. But Johnson’s whole argument was basically, This is what Kathy would have wanted, as if Kathy is dead, or dead inside, because she cannot have children. Wonderful story, wonderful. [Raw Story]Related