DreamyIsn’t it amazing when all Americans can come together as one to ax food stamps, child tax credits, and Medicaid? YES WE CAN’T! There is something nipping at our brainal lobes from the lost fogs of … last year maybe? So long ago. Who can remember! But it was something about one of those “bipartisan” things President Afrika Bambaataa is always trying to do, like, “okay, a Democrat is president so you are all big deficit hawks now, and naturally we will accept your framing of that and be deficit hawks too, so let us all cut all the muneez from things we care about and if we can’t agree we will have some Doomsday Button kick in automatically, so time to put on your compromising shoes!” The GOP, of course, compromised the way it always does: by lining up behind their charismatic leader, Paul Ryan, and marching on Poland.

Republicans in the House of Representatives on Monday will fire their first shots of the next deficit-reduction battle, advancing legislation to cut nearly $380 billion largely from social programs while protecting defense spending.

The cuts to food stamps, child tax credits and Medicaid healthcare for the poor, among others, are certain to stall in the Democratic-controlled U.S. Senate. But they stake out Republicans’ negotiating stance on replacing $1.2 trillion in automatic, across-the-board spending cuts that are due to take effect in January. […]

Already, House Democrats are pouncing on the effort as hurting the poor, claiming that $35.8 billion in food stamp reductions over 10 years will cut off 1.8 million people from the nutrition assistance program.

Haha, fuck you “food stamps”! 99 percent of people own refrigerators, so shut up with your “hunger”!

Here, would you care for some context?

The automatic spending cuts, of which $600 billion would come from defense through 2022 – were part of last summer’s eleventh-hour deal to avert an historic debt default and raise the federal borrowing cap. Congress agreed to $900 billion in immediate cuts, but a bipartisan “supercommittee” failed in its task to find $1.5 trillion in additional cuts over a decade.


Under the Republican plan, defense spending would actually be $8 billion higher than levels agreed last August, rising to $554 billion in 2013.

Of course you wouldn’t care for some context, you are an American, gah! Shut up, Reuters, Kourtney Kardashian is talking about how she got back in shape after the babby. [Reuters]

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  • nounverb911

    Isn't it time for Ryan to go Galt already?

  • Barb

    Big Government is bad! (except for the military part)

    • freakishlywrong

      Isn't that one of the hallmarks of fascism? Yes.

    • Naked_Bunny

      We need it to stop the bad guys overseas from using the guns we sold them against us*.


    • chicken_thief

      And anything related to Congress.

    • Big Government is bad! (except for the military part)

      And the womb monitoring part.

      And the homosexual registration part.

    • RavenRant

      And the domestic surveillance part.

  • What's the old saying?

    Feed a fever, starve the poor?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No food stamps? How will the junior enlisted military members feed their families?

  • Schmannnity

    Let them eat bullets!

    • Radiotherapy

      There's plenty to go around.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    I'm fed up with Head Start and school lunches myself. If you can't afford pre-school and a carton of milk then go get a fucking job first, kiddo.

    • Or just borrow $20k from your parents and start a sandwich shop.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    The amazing thing is the republicans are so avid to send money to an organization that so many of them assiduously avoided serving in.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I like to think of it as their version of reparations. "Sorry about shirking my patriotic duty and getting out of service using Daddy's connections! Here, have another jet fighter!"

  • Radiotherapy

    Let them eat guns!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Ted Nugent approves of this message.

  • SorosBot

    "Already, House Democrats are pouncing on the effort as hurting the poor, claiming"

    There's no "claiming" here, Reuters; these spending cuts would hurt the poor. Really, that's a fact, not a claim. But of course with our media facts don't matter, it's always "Republicans say this, Democrats say this" even when what Republicans are saying is 100% wrong.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      There you go again using the brain part of your brain

    • GOPCrusher

      But these poor don't pay taxes!

    • fuflans

      mr fuflans just wrote me:

      'Ahhh, facts.

      Of course, the Republicans have something better: their Mainstream Media Ideological Asymmetry Shield & Mythos Armor, better known by its acronym: MMIASMA.

  • President Afrika Bambaataa

    He of remixed race.

  • freakishlywrong

    No snark. They figured out how to steal elections in 2010. They fear no blowback for all the awful shit they're proposing and their equally awful nominee. That's the only way I can reconcile the fucking heartless and frankly reckless so-called "governing" that is coming from these assholes.

    • prommie

      No, no, they figured out how to steal elections in 2000.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Release the Nader!

    • GOPCrusher

      The easiest way to end this shit is to get people off their Cheetos encrusted couches and into the polling place to vote.

  • Boojum

    Why can't we have defense stamps?

    • WhatTheHeck

      we do. Its called no-bid contracts.

  • Paul Ryan… marching on Poland.

    Do the Cheezeheaders know this? Back in the day, nine hundred and eighty percent of the folks in Wisconsin who weren't German were Polish, even the blahs. Just sayin'

    • Radiotherapy

      Consider it Ryan's Gleiwitz Incident.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Barry and co will bend over as usual. Sigh. *snark off*

  • Crank_Tango

    Meh, there is no way that Big Food Stamp and the Government Cheese Industrial Complex will let this happen.

    Anyway, helping poor people isn't in the Bible, so who gives a shit?

  • DaRooster

    Needs more tax guts… for the richers.

    Starve fuckers! I got mine!!

    • chicken_thief

      Seriously. Everyone knows that if we cut food stamps they only ones hurt will be drug dealers and used Cadillac salesmen. But if we don't cut (abolish!!!) taxes on the jerb creators we're going to be just. like. Greece. by noon tomorrow. Or sometime soon.


  • MissTaken

    But if you cut the food stamps how will the Wal-Mart employees buy their cedar cheese?

    • nounverb911

      By going into the woods and cutting the cedars down themselves.

      • The cheese here is just the right height

      • GOPCrusher

        And when the cedars are gone, they'll have to get by with elm or maple cheese.

    • OzoneTom

      Not to mention "cakes we like".

  • WhatTheHeck

    Food is overrated, anyway.

  • mavenmaven

    And when the starving poor begin to protest, the rich will need protection- by the military! Which will then need further money to pay for this deployment!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Aren't the libruls always saying that this country needs to go on a diet?

  • Failed_2_Menace

    I don't know why they have thus far not managed to figure out this obvious course of action, but if the poor really want things to change, they need to learn to vote with their wallets.

    • Absolutely! If they want "food," let them pay for television advertising that supports a political candidate who will find "funding" for these "programs"

  • The Pentagon needz moar bake sales. Cookies for cookie cutters

  • Radiotherapy

    Ya know, these food stamp lobbyists really need to get with the program.

  • bflrtsplk

    Let the military hold a bake sale: machine gun shaped cheesecake; scones that look like hand grenades, chocolate fudge booby traps.

    • James Michael Curley

      Leave a real Brit scone out on the counter over night and it tastes and has the consistency of a hand grenade.

  • As Seen On "The Hunger Games"!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Contestants can sell product placement ads to help feed their home district!

  • el_donaldo

    You know who else starved the poor while pouring more and more money into bloated, unneeded defense programs?

    No, not him. Leonid Brezhnev. That guy.

    • Radiotherapy

      Actually, "That guy" was very concerned about feeding the poor — well, Aryan poor at least.

      • Aryan poor

        Imagine that, Brezhnev out-Ryan'ing Ryan in a nod to all Aryans!

    • RedneckMuslin

      Dang! I was gonna say Reagan.

    • Kim Jong Il?

      • James Michael Curley

        Kim Jong is not Il, he's dead.

    • Generation[redacted]

      That guy on "Doomsday Preppers" who spent his kids' college funds on the custom underground shelter?

      • GunToting[Redacted]

        I had to stop watching that show. On one hand, it seems wrong to validate a person's deep seated mental illness, but on the other, I'm sure the video will prove useful as an exhibit in future court proceedings.

      • HistoriCat

        You're not making that up – it's a real television show.

        I'm going to go drink my lunch now. Maybe things will seem more sane after a few gallons of alcohol.

      • GOPCrusher

        Remember when Discovery Channel used to show educational programs?

        • Generation[redacted]

          Uh…. No.

  • proudgrampa

    This is good news for obese people.

    • nounverb911

      Chris Christie?

    • RavenRant

      Until they're hunted down as an alternative food source.

  • Callyson

    But if poor people need food so much, why don't they just become doctors? They can be paid in chickens!

    • And babbies, which I'm told sauteee nicely.

      • Biff

        Actually, unborn babbies are the best, you don't even need to bone them!

  • Not_So_Much

    Can Soylent Green even be used for bullets?

  • BornInATrailer

    As the saying goes, hunger is the best sauce.

    Apparently the GOP believes it is also the best aperitif, hors d'œuvre, soup, fish dish, entree, salad, cheese course, and dessert.

    Bon appetit, Poors!

  • LastGasp

    Isn’t it amazing when all Americans can come together as one to ax food stamps…

    Yes, if we could actually "ax" food stamps a question, what would it be?

    • "If you were a twee, what kind of twee would you be?"

  • LiveToServeYa

    This 'eat the rich' thing. Are they tastier than food stamps?

    • James Michael Curley

      Yes, ever taste a government debit card?

    • Rotundo_

      I would imagine that any protein, cooked low and slow over fruit or hickory or maple hardwood smoke would probably work. The olds would probably be too stringy and strong tasting for BBQ but might make passable sausage with enough sage and red pepper to mask it. You would think it would occur to them that if they make things too unpleasant for those of us at the bottom rungs of the ladder that nasty business may result, but I suppose like the French, they just have to learn the hard way at some point.

  • Schmannnity

    You can never be too poor or too thin?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Nothing tastes as great as being thin feels.

  • Come here a minute

    If everyone owns refrigerators, how can they possibly need food stamps? Just have your staff keep your refrigerators well-stocked, dummies!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Jesus, the GOP has really doubled down with the whole "We're a group of the biggest assholes in the country" thing.

    They've stopped pretending that they really give a shit about anybody that doesn't send them cash.

  • TheGyrus

    If the poor want to eat, they should be forced to join the Army.

    • freakishlywrong

      Aaaaaannd, we have a winner! I think that's the idea, Gyrus, that way, Mitt's sons don't have to go.

    • Biff

      Same as it ever was.

      • Oblios_Cap

        you can't be a Citizen unless you've served!

        • BornInATrailer

          Would You Like To Know More?

  • MissTaken

    I see what the GOP is doing here:

    If you get rid of food stamps, the poor won't get food, and then won't need those fancy refrigerators that keep the food cold. Sell the fridge and use the money to buy yourself some food that need refrigeration that you no longer have. Um, yay?

    • LastGasp

      And, if the poors don't have food, they'll be too hungry to even think about voting. But they would probably just vote for the wrong candidate anyway, so it's a win for the GOP.

    • freakishlywrong

      And next time you get a fancy refrigerator, hang on to that box, it'll be your new home in no time!

    • SorosBot

      Not only do the poor have refrigerators, they have stoves to cook the food on too! So clearly they're not really poor.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Hold on- So you're suggesting that only the 1% should be allowed to purchase shitty appliances? That's a roadmap to prosperity!

        • James Michael Curley

          When last shopping for a whole new set of appliances (moved into a house from an apartment) I rated each appliance on a scale of 0 to 8. A 7 meant the thing cost more than 7 of all of the cars I had bought in my life time.

    • GOPCrusher

      Hobo beans need to be refrigerated?

  • Goonemeritus

    Most of these programs are meant to help the working poor by closing the gap between what they are paid and what it takes to live. As such they are actually subsidies to the worst paying industries (looking at you Wal-Mart). I would also put money on the fact that the GOP’s southern bases are big recipients of these programs.

    • MissTaken

      Sadly, that same GOP base that works for barely minimum wage as Wal-Mart greeters and are shown how to apply for food stamps when they are hired are also the same people who say "don't tax the rich because someday I'm gonna fall on my ass at Wal-Mart and when I sue I'll be a rich and don't wanna pay them there taxes".

      • James Michael Curley

        Then remind them that judgment and settlements in such law suits are not taxable in any jurisdiction in the US of A.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom
    • DonnyKerabotsos

      …and you would win that bet…

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well of course the perfect time to cut food stamps and jack up defense is when we have the highest percentage of the population ever desperately NEEDING food stamps, and the military is saying, really dude, we're pretty good over here, you could probably have some of this money back. Everyone in the world is stupid except Paul Ryan.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Who put those people on food stamps? Barack Obama did.

    • prommie

      And you know it never ever occurs to him that he's the one who's got it backward.

  • BerkeleyBear

    Yeah, but if they cut defense to what the DoD actually requested the "job creators" (ie government teat sucking contractors) might lay people off in Alabama and South Carolina from some of the very few non-Walmart jobs in the region (I'd say only, but I recall that Sessions and co. also have gotten Euro auto makers to set up non-union, cut-rate wage plants there – which is a big reason why the GOP opposed the auto bailout). And then these assholes might face a reckoning for the last 30 years of fucked up trickle down profits first offshoring right to work privatization welfare reform as tool to bitchslap the poor crap. But probably not, as long as they could convince the casino owners to keep offering complimentary all you can eat cheez whiz at the video slots.

  • PeaceWithHonor

    When did Wisconsin become Mordor?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      When it banned dwarf-tossing?

      • MosesInvests

        I cannot jump the distance-you'll have to toss me!

  • James Michael Curley

    Keeping people from starving is Republican for "discretionary spending". In the real world, discretionary spending is deciding whether to upgrade the DVD/GPS/BOISE audio system in your BMW or choosing between an 8 year old single malt and a 12 year old.

    According to the Republican Economics Program one of the highest line items in their "discretionary spending" is "Entitlements." Social Security for people who have paid into it for 45 years and medical and pension compensation for veterans who have been poisoned by several US chemical companies are Republican "Entitlements."

    • Generation[redacted]

      Well, duh. If you've paid into social security and unemployment insurance your whole career, you're certainly entitled to it. Therefore, "Entitlements"

      • James Michael Curley

        I should have stressed that they have been linking together as "Entitlements" every state and government compensation program regardless of nuance like being paid into by the recipient. Entitlement recipient had become the 2010+ Republican buzz word for 'welfare queen'.

    • RavenRant

      Please challenge everyone who uses the term 'entitlements' for Social Security and Medicare.

      How is something people fund with every paycheck they earn called an 'entitlement' while passively inheriting a multimillion or billion dollar estate tax free is lauded as 'achievement'?

  • cheetojeebus

    So, in choosing a baseball bat I'm leaning toward wood. Traditional i know. I'd considered a hay rake and one of those sticks dipped in tar and lit on fire ranked pretty high too.

    • Yea, I'd go with wood, too. Aluminum bends and then you can't do much of anything with it, but if the wooden bat breaks, you have sharps splinters to thrust with.

      Plus, there's no noise quite as distinctive as a skull horsehide against hickory or ash…

    • James Michael Curley

      Stick with the wood. The bonk sound created when an aluminum bat strikes a rounded, skin covered, hollow cored object is too familiar and could be recognized by the Republican Controlled Police Drones.

    • RavenRant

      I asked a friend if, come the revolution, she wanted to carry a pitchfork or a torch. She replied, "I've got two hands."

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Would it help if the Heritage Foundation did a report pointing out that many of these weapons systems have luxury items like air conditioning, call phones, color TVs, and GPS navigation systems?

    • James Michael Curley

      Over twenty years after a friend died from respiratory distress caused by a Southeast Asian (Vietnam) variant of parrot fever, the VA finally recognized it as a service connected injury. He contracted it from working and living 24/7 in a high tech, air conditioned communications trailer in the diplomatic compound in Saigon. In true VA fashion, it was recognized after almost all who suffered from it died.

      We need to go back to open top jeeps and Remington Rolling Blocks for the safety of our troops.

  • owhatever

    I signed the papers to give parental permission for my hungry son join the army and get three squares a day. They will educate and clothe him, too. What a great deal. Altho eight years old, he looks ten.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Yeah, but what's 1.8 million people unable to buy food versus a fancy airplane that never flies? Huh? Commie.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Rmoney: some of my best friends own refrigerator companies.

  • ttommyunger

    Thank God SOMEBODY is thinking about the poor underfunded Military-Industrial Complex.

  • Generation[redacted]

    The GOP, of course, compromised the way it always does: by lining up behind their charismatic leader, Paul Ryan, and marching on Poland.

    You know who else lined up behind their charismatic leader and marched on Pol– HEY WAIT JUST A COTTON-PICKIN' MINUTE THERE!

  • prommie

    I hope Zombie Bob LaFollete rises from the grave and eats this smug fucker's face.

  • Generation[redacted]

    All this will be moot when President Romney brings unemployment down to 4%

    • GOPCrusher

      And Secretary Of Energy Gingrich brings back the days of $.40 a gallon gas.

    • RavenRant

      "… brings unemployment down to 4%…" in some nameless third world hellhole.

      American workers aren't ready to 'compete' with slave labor. Yet.

  • SheriffJoeBiden

    PAUL RYAN: "I know! We'll just call backsies on the debt ceiling agreement we ourselves forced on the country last year. Then we'll actually INCREASE funding for the military, which is an idea almost nobody supports, not even the military itself, those liars. But is there a way to hurt poor people? … of COURSE! Cut food stamps and Medicaid! It's brilliant! The Republicans shall rule for a thousand years!"

    I really wish I could, just for a moment, step into the alternative reality where this strategy makes any kind of sense–economically, politically, really ANY kind of sense whatsoever. This finally looks like the GOP's inevitable massive out-of-touch, over-reaching, solipsistic blunder that costs them big time. Let's hope.

    • HistoriCat

      Apparently you need job at one of the major news organizations in this country. They must have some special training or vision because they eat that shit up like it's the bestest thing ever.

    • GOPCrusher

      How do you think Raygun attained Sainthood?

  • chicken_thief

    We don't have to worry about the poorz. There is a safety net to help th… wait… what?

  • Fox n Fiends

    Its time to bring the tax rates back to the 1960s.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    Ever notice how the GOP thinks it's an incentive to make people work harder by cutting government benefits for poor people but cutting benefits to rich people will kill that incentive?

    • GOPCrusher


  • Republicans made a deal, and now they want to scummy their way out of it at the expense of part-time and low wage workers. Isn't this the sort of thing that's supposed to have us reaching for pitchforks and torches?

  • notreelyhelping

    A lousy time to be poor…but a great time to be an oppo researcher!

  • Beowoof

    Going to be a whole bunch of republican farmers who vote republicans with no one to sell their corn to.

  • DahBoner

    Since most people on foodstamps are White, will there be a White Trash exemption?

  • the_problem_child

    Actually, way less than 99% of Americans own refrigerators. Their landlords or the bank actually own them.

  • Veritas78

    Okay, when I stuck the Paul Ryan doll with the hunger pin I missed, and it landed on testicular cancer. Oops. I'm sorry. I'm sure he'll be fine.

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