FLOTUS FILES  12:15 pm May 7, 2012

Michelle Obama Is Weak On Obesity, Nation Keeps Getting Fatter

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you... Hey there, you might want to put down your Fritos for a second, because this is gross: In 2005, “being obese or overweight caused an estimated 216,000 deaths from heart disease, diabetes and other conditions, researchers estimated, while another 191,000 deaths resulted from being physically inactive.” Do you hear that? If you sit on your couch long enough, you will just spontaneously drop dead. Of course, this is the sort of thing our First Lady Michelle Obama has been trying to prevent from happening, through her dance-a-thons and grocery superstores that apparently aren’t getting built. But the obesity epidemic continues, and the kids just keep getting fatter, no matter how many celebrity endorsements the Let’s Move! campaign receives. “But that isn’t enough, say public health leaders frustrated with the slow progress in stemming America’s obesity epidemic. Something more ambitious is needed, they argue — something more like the anti-tobacco movement.” Cue the terrifying obesity PSAs!

So obesity continues, because of things like free cake, with your fried chicken family dinner. What is a First Lady to do?

“When I look at what’s going on with obesity, it reminds me of what was going on with tobacco in the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s, when there was a lot of emphasis on personal responsibility, voluntary self-regulation, and trying to make safe cigarettes,” said Stanton Glantz, director of the Center for Tobacco Control Research and Education at the University of California-San Francisco.

That approach didn’t work, and efforts to reduce smoking didn’t really have much success until advocates shifted their emphasis from changing individual behavior to community-based activism and holding cigarette manufacturers accountable for harmful products, Glantz said.

A similar shift is needed today in the fight against America’s expanding waistlines, many experts believe. Instead of approaching obesity as a personal issue, it needs to be redefined as a community challenge that calls for collective action and wide-ranging policy changes such as more informative food labels, limits on marketing to children, and taxes on unhealthy products, they argue.

HA HA NICE TRY. America would just like to continue to kill itself, please, because Freedom. We will just watch our Michelle on the teevee weight loss shows, while we eat our Krispy Kremes. And smoke our cigarettes. [USA Today]

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nounverb911 May 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"And smoke our cigarettes. "
Isn't smoking good for weight loss? Why does Michelle hate weight loss?

SorosBot May 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Certainly I know from my last attempt to quit that not smoking is great for weight gain.

proudgrampa May 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

That was my experience, too. I gained a LOT of weight after I quit smoking. But after a second bout of pneumonia, I decided it was more important to breathe than to worry about my weight.

RedneckMuslin May 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I know when my mother got cancer from smoking she lost a lot of weight.

Nothing funny down that road. Just sayin'.

Mahousu May 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

No stimulus = second recession = no jobs = everyone on food stamps.
BUT no food stamps = no food = no obesity.

Thank you, GOP, for doing what Michelle couldn't manage.

MarionNYNY May 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Actually, no food stamps = consumption of the cheapest possible food, which is generally the highly processed stuff with a shitload of various forms of sugar including the kinds that come so cheap thanks to farm subsidies. Plus school systems have contracts for cheap high calorie junk from big food and agriculture (from womb to tomb in the shortest possible time) and the kids will be more dependent on those meals once food stamps are eliminated, so obesity rates will actually RISE.

fuflans May 7, 2012 at 3:17 pm

HA! i just posted this on another thread:

A study out this week from Fitch Ratings and Oxford Economics suggests that stimulus spending in America in response to the fiscal crisis increased aggregate GDP by more than 4%, which, say the researchers, implies “that the US might still be mired in a recession” without the intervention.

but thanks for all the loyal opposition support, wingtards.

OzoneTom May 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Cue the Romney camp coming-down with the vapours due to this personal attack on Gov. Christie.

Radiotherapy May 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

It takes a village to get fat.

Designer_Rants May 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Is that what Christie ate?

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I wondered what happened to the town of Kinnelon…

chicken_thief May 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Boonton, be very very afraid….

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Christie has been spending his summers in the Governor's Beach House in Island Beach State Park, NJ. A friend who worked for Sen. Cody tells me it has a walk in refrigerator. Not a walk in meat keeper as in a butcher's shop, but a walk in refrigerator in which there is a food prep table in the middle and shelves along the sides to hold refrigerated food.

edgydrifter May 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

The battle cry of the American Devolution: "Let Us Eat Cake!!"

Designer_Rants May 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I like to inhale my Krispy Kremes and then blow donut rings. Always a crowd pleaser.

freakishlywrong May 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Today, we are all food stamp deprived, obese diabetics living in food deserts.

chicken_thief May 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I'd upfist you for that, but I'd have to get off the couch…. so, maybe tomorrow….

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Try to get up before the vinyl binds to your skin and you have to be surgically removed. 480 pound woman dies stuck to couch

Biel_ze_Bubba May 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

At first, I was astounded. Then I saw it was Floriduh.

Butch_Wagstaff May 7, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Just today my partner was telling me about a recent cremation at his work. It was a woman who was 5'2" and weighed 400 pounds. I couldn't even picture that in my head at all. It took four men to lift her body. After she was cremated, it took hours for the ashes to cool off.
But THIS story: Holy fuck!

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Everytime Mrs. Curley sweetly and generously offers me another piece of pie I ask: “Do you want to pay for six pall bearers or 8.”

Baconzgood May 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Fat people are people too my friend.

chicken_thief May 7, 2012 at 1:19 pm

And they're jolly!!!

KennyFuckingPowers May 7, 2012 at 12:27 pm

My body is a Temple. Nothing but the best goes into it. That's a good thing. Now then, if my body was a Mosque, would I be any less fuckin' picky about what goes into it?

Oblios_Cap May 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

So obesity continues, because of things like free cake

There is a terrifying consistency here with the "let them eat cake" economic programs being promoted by the powers that be. I think it's because The Rich want people to be too fat to chase the bankers with pitchforks and torches.

spends2much May 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Mitt will weigh in , if you will, when there is an epidemic of obese rich people. Until then, whatever the poors do with their collected bacon grease is no concern of his.

SayItWithWookies May 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Our corporate overlords stress personal responsibility — especially in the ads for the unhealthful shit that their armies of psychologists and marketing experts use to short-circuit our already underdeveloped rational-though lobe.

LastGasp May 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Instead of approaching obesity as a personal issue, it needs to be redefined as a community challenge that calls for collective action…

What's that I hear? Sounds like the wingnuts screaming "SOCIALISM!"

Mumbletypeg May 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Moderation, for fuck's sake. How did "all things in moderation" get left behind in this Modern era?

freakishlywrong May 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

It's hanging out with common sense.

Generation[redacted] May 7, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Both were last seen with irony, whereabouts unknown.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

All three are avoiding Tampa, where they know they'll be shot on sight.

Callyson May 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Left behind? It was driven away when the wingnuts took over the asylum…

Arkoday May 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

"If you sit on your couch long enough, you will just spontaneously drop dead."
Man, I'm so glad I spend my day in the much healthier computer chair. No couches for this health-freak.

actor212 May 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Let them eat cake.

The sugar high will make them confused and we can pass tax cuts.

DaRooster May 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm

The fat people here have just the right rotundness!

ttommyunger May 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Does the good Governor of New Jersey smoke, he asks hopefully?

chicken_thief May 7, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I don't think he smokes, but he clearly inhales all things that might be categorized as "food".

johnnymeatworth May 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

On the plus side, the inactivity makes being a chubby chaser that much easier….

SexySmurf May 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Once again, I've got the perfect solution. Michelle could start a "Just Say No" to junk food campaign, and Barack could sell black market Twinkies to fat kids in Compton to fund the Afghan War.

johnnyzhivago May 7, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Stop with the F-word!!!

I believe it's Horizontally Challenged or Americans of Exceptional Mass

Mumbletypeg May 7, 2012 at 12:39 pm

This is the result of America's lingering contempt for austerity, no different than our Frenchy counterparts.

Wanted: more exertion/ get-the-blood-flowing; less sedentary or intimidated by stairwells. incorporate stretches into your routine and walk (across the parking lot to your destination, not circling around in your gas-guzzler to get closer to Food Emporium). Completely befuddle your friends waiting for the elevator while you dash up/ down the stairs instead. Quelle moderne idee!

Nevermind the French paradox. All in favor of more austere self-regulation, say 'yea.' All in opposition, say beignets

Radiotherapy May 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Procyanidíns!! Resvératrol!! Liberté!!

Mumbletypeg May 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

…all in opposition (I thought of another): say "Segway®!" *

*having just spotted some Segway-riding tourists in the Shockoe district on my lunch break~

ManchuCandidate May 7, 2012 at 12:41 pm

After watching my ex-housemate go from 240 pounds down to 225 then balloon to almost 300 in 8 years, I can say that some need to stop buying tickets for trips down the Denial or take Home Ec and learn how to fucking shop smarter or especially in his case, grow the fuck up.

Hedley_Lamarr May 7, 2012 at 12:45 pm

How about heroin in our school lunches? I've never seen a fat junkie. Kids just LOVE that shit.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

And the winos down on the Bowery are all nice and trim. (Or at least they were, before CBGBs closed and the neighborhood went all to hell.)

SoBeach May 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

"…efforts to reduce smoking didn’t really have much success until advocates shifted their emphasis from changing individual behavior to community-based activism…"

Good Idea. Treat fatty-fatness like smoking. Put up "No Eating" signs everywhere, and make those still addicted to food stand outside sneaking bites while everyone walking by shoots them disapproving looks.

James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

If they insist on eating on the bus or train, make them run along side while they do so.

prommie May 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

You couldn't come up with any campaign thats scarier than just looking around at the clientele inside a random WalMart. But they seem to love it. I think some of them start a regime of weight gain just so they get to ride around in those fucking motorized carts.

mormos May 7, 2012 at 1:18 pm

as they say in the south
"they're not obese, they're healthy"

Dashboard Buddha May 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Hmmmm, I wonder if there's a connection between cheap crappy food and obesity.

mormos May 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

cheapest food = unhealthiest food
poorest americans = unhealthiest americans

you can't explain it!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Money doesn't go in, healthy meals don't come out. Who can explain that?

owhatever May 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Not to worry. Paul Ryan's budget plan will make it impossible for 99 percent of the population to get fat.

BZ1 May 8, 2012 at 12:02 am

waiting for the stupid comment from the Repubs, 5-4-3…

Butch_Wagstaff May 7, 2012 at 8:04 pm
James Michael Curley May 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What… is your name? King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons. Bridgekeeper: What… is your quest? King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail. Bridgekeeper: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow? King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

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