all hail presidente cuervo

Happy ‘It’s Not Mexican Independence’ Day!

Mexico also has war reenactment dorks.

It is Tequila and Mini-Sombreros Day in America, hooray! It always seems like Cinco de Mayo should be Mexican Independence Day — dressing to match a national flag and getting wasted on a holiday named after its date on the calendar is how independence days are done, right? But today is actually the day when much of the United States unwittingly celebrates a Mexican military victory in 1862 over the asshole French army of Napoleon III that was in the process of trying to swoop in for some colonial sloppy seconds and take over the country (which they did, briefly). How did this become an American holiday? New historical research from a UCLA professor provides an idea of the celebration’s earliest appearance in the United States, and it is lovely.

From CNN:

[Professor David] Hayes-Bautista was culling Spanish-language newspapers in California and Oregon for vital statistics from the 1800s when he noticed how the Civil War and Cinco de Mayo battle were intertwined. He researches the epidemiology and demography of Latinos in California because he’s director of UCLA’s Center for the Study of Latino Health and Culture.

“I’m seeing how in the minds of the Spanish-reading public in California that they were basically looking at one war with two fronts, one against the Confederacy in the east and the other against the French in the south,” Hayes-Bautista said in an interview with CNN.

“In Mexico today, Cinco de Mayo means the Mexican army defeated the French army,” he continued. “In California and Oregon, the news was interpreted as finally that the army of freedom and democracy won a big one against the army of slavery and elitism. And the fact that those two armies had to meet in Mexico was immaterial because they were fighting for the same issues — defending freedom and democracy. Latinos were joining the Union army, Union cavalry, Union navy.

“The French goal was to eliminate democracy, and remember that Mexico had democracy only for 30 or 40 years at that point,” he added. “Remember, Europe was ruled mostly by monarchs.”

French emperor Napoleon III “was no friend of the Union and was definitely a friend of the Confederacy and flirted with the Confederacy constantly with the possible recognition of the Confederate government,” Hayes-Bautista said. President Abraham Lincoln never referred to the Confederacy as a separate government: they were states in rebellion,” the professor said.

We’ll drink to that. [CNN]

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    I'm celebrating the Boston Red Sox losing again today!

    • NYNYNYjr

      Please don't be obscene.

    • Veritas78

      It's all part of our plan.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        As always, the Yankees are 1 or 2 games ahead in the standings.

    • HippieEsq

      Still, the Cubs and French are much bigger losers.

      (Go Sawx)

    • GunToting[Redacted]

      I could never understand why anyone gave a pile of dingo's kidneys about baseball in Spring. Aren't there like 4,523 games in the regular season? Wake me in late September.

  • Arken

    And here's me thinking it's a cheap tactic to sell booze.

    • http://dailyworldwatch.wordpress.com/ DWW

      Just another time the French surrendered…

  • nounverb911

    France, losing wars for 150 years.

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      I think the last one they won was helping some philistine colonials overthrow the benevolent patronage of fine English people.

      • Chichikovovich

        They had a long winning streak up to 1812, but sadly, in the final they showed they aren't really an effective cold weather team.

        • Fukui-sanYesRadio

          I seem to remember them teaming up with the Spanish in a futile attempt to dominate sea power and getting their arses soundly kicked by Admiral Lord Nelson in 1805.

          Of course, then their cold weather weakness was shown for what it was as well. Then Waterloo, natch.

          The French were SO ANGRY that the Brits decided to use Waterloo Station as the terminus for the Eurostar.

          • VicariousMe

            The slaves in Haiti also handed their asses back to them in 1803-4. Which is moliminously worse as in … the slaves were blahs.

          • Fukui-sanYesRadio

            Wonkette: more historical knowledge than yer average pundit on any TV show.

            This places rules.

          • Steverino247

            I could name the participants down to the rank of Sergeant, but that would be showing off.

          • MissNancyPriss

            I wanna know!

        • user-of-owls

          They were a pretty sucky warm weather team too. But I'm sure they would have ruled the world if the entire planet was like Southern California.

          Sic Semper Temperate Zone!

          • Chichikovovich

            Well, shoor, there was that, but there were many European countries that fell into the trap of underestimating Asians because, well, that's the sort of thing long-time colonial overlords tend to do. The British at Singapore come to mind as another example.

            I have the impression that the French consciously put themselves in a position that would be clearly untenable according to classic military strategy, [though the French misunderestimated just how untenable it would be, because they wrongly believed their enemy incapable of moving artillery and antiaircraft weapons through the heavy jungle] on the assumption that this would induce the Viet Minh to discard their guerrilla tactics and engage in a more traditional engagement the French were confident they could win. Ooops.

            [I'm by no stretch of the imagination well-informed about Điện Biên Phủ, so if anyone out there knows what they are talking about on this subject, feel free to correct me.]

            So it was something like a coach resting his starters against a team expected not to put up a fight, and then getting embarrassed.

          • user-of-owls

            Rene: Ces hommes en pyjama noir. Comment pouvons-nous perdre?

            Marcel: Ils ne savent même pas ce que le fromage soit. vous appelez cela une civilisation? Hõ Hõ.

            Rene: Attendre, n'est-ce pas censé être un mime?

          • flamingpdog

            I thought Ho was a Minh, not a mime.

          • user-of-owls

            !!!

        • Vecchiojohn

          I didn't know the Red Sox franchise was that old.

      • BarackMyWorld

        France actually won that war, just not that particular battle.
        (The emperor they installed to rule Mexico would be overthrown a few years later, though.)

        • Biff

          Emperor Norton?

      • Steverino247

        A very good reason to be kind to the French. Without them, our rebellion would have had a much more difficult time establishing our independence. They also warned us about Iraq recently, a warning W ignored to our peril.

        • LetUsBray

          And that was when French-bashing erupted from a vague meme (there were memes before the internet, weren't there?) to a full-blown fashion. The fact that they had the fucking nerve to be right just made it worse.

          • BerkeleyBear

            Ehh, French bashing has a history that goes back before Washington (there was that unfortunate incident that started the 7 years war, for example). WWI and II were tough calls for Americans in part because so few people really gave a crap about the French.

          • tessiee

            Hank Scorpio: Homer, if you *absolutely had* to blow up a country, which would you pick — France or Italy?
            Homer: Hmm… Ehhh… Um, France, I guess.
            Hank Scorpio [to himself, with evil supervillain chuckle]: Heh, heh, heh. Nobody EVER picks Italy!

          • qwerty42

            I think French bashing goes back to the Hundred Years War (Dutch bashing dates to the Anglo-Dutch wars), and a rivalry that only ended in the 19th Century (it really PO'd the Kaiser that his cousin Bertie preferred the French and Paris to the Germans -Prussians- and Berlin). The Brits were able to export this to the New World because the rivalry was carried on in the Americas, and provided the backdrop to some savage warfare in the colonies. That said, once the American colonists rose in rebellion, they turned to the only power that could (or would) help. For the original issue, I myself find the claims of an English king to the throne of France to be absurd, but of course, the nation-state that we know did not yet exist in a form we would recognize. So the Brits and French fought an pointless, bloody war that weakened both and contributed to the rise of the Habsburgs. Uh …. how did I get off on this?

    • Steverino247

      Actually, they won WW I. True, they needed our help, but they fought damned hard at Verdun.

      • MadBrahms

        The whole "the French suck at war and always lose / always surrender" thing sort of irritates me, and I'm not anywhere close to French. It was funny and relatively innocuous until the right picked it up in W's time, but now I can't hear it without thinking of Tucker Carlson and cringing. It's not like the U.S. doesn't lose wars, and lose them in absolutely spectacular fashion…

        • HistoriCat

          Yeah, if the US had mowed through most of a generation of young men like the French did in WWI (seriously, their forces suffered horrendously high casualty rates), then our ability to raise sufficient forces to be effective in the next generation's war would have been much worse.

          OK, that was a bit of word salad but I think you can get the idea.

          • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

            Exactly. And it was not like the Germans in WWII managed to fight pretty much most of Europe at the same time for multiple years or anything. Of course, outnumbering most of the opposition helped.

          • dadanarchist

            I'm a professor of French History (no, seriously), and this "the French suck at wars" thing pisses me off partly because I have to deal with it with my students, but mostly because it's bullshit.

            The prime examples are the Franco-Prussian War and World War II. What I always explain to my students is that World War II happened to overlap with a nearly 50 year old French "Cold" Civil War, between Right and Left. 1940-era French Teatards (among whom were many prominent Generals) basically decided that they preferred the Nazis to the French Left (literally: a toast in right-wing circles when the Jewish Socialist Leon Blum became PM in 1936 was, 'Better Hitler than Blum!').

            Now, there's a lot of self-serving bullshit about the Resistance in France (cf Francois Mitterand), but in 1940, basically half the country preferred Fascist tyranny to a moderate left-wing government. People ignore the fact that when the French government signed an armistice, there were still nearly 500,000 French troops in the field and they had halted the German advance (though Paris had been abandoned).

            The best book about the French and WWII is the French historian and Resistance/Holocaust martyr Marc Bloch's short book, Strange Defeat.

            /rant

        • Fukui-sanYesRadio

          It irritates the piss out of me and I'm British.

          The French are a fine, proud people.

          • user-of-owls

            Good grub, too.

          • Fukui-sanYesRadio

            Damn straight. Baguette a l'ancienne with good cheese. My mouth is watering.

          • Chichikovovich

            Baguette fresh from the oven + Vieux Cantal. Mmmmmmm…..

            That plus coffee was my breakfast every day for two months when I was working in France a couple years ago. Never got tired of it.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Wtf? You typed the worst anti-French snark I have ever seen on Wonkette. "Crack whores of Europe" or some-such.

          • Fukui-sanYesRadio

            I believe it was calling the French and Italians the "accepting catamites of Europe"

            If I meant it then it'd be vicious. Sure, I'll call Brits pasty-faced snaggletoothed chavs, or Americans halfwits whose fat must have invaded their cerebral arteries, but these are people that I like.

          • MissNancyPriss

            oh you're not american, that explains the overabundance of knowledge. and the high levels of empathy.

    • rickmaci

      French Military History. A glorious record of surrender and defeat.
      http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html

  • Barb

    I'm going to celebrate by making beef enchiladas with green chilies and watching pay-per-view "hot girls mud wrestling in an inflatable pool full of guacamole"

    • nounverb911

      Is that the rematch of Palin vs Bachmannn?

      • Barb

        I just heard the coolest phrase on TV and I need to repeat it please.
        "He's a gold-plated shit gibbon"
        That felt good. It's my new favorite saying.

  • Fukui-sanYesRadio

    Bonne cinquième de mai, mes Wonketes!

    • tessiee

      Buongiorno, bella ragazzo!

      • Fukui-sanYesRadio

        There may be a little gender mistake there, but I'll take it!

        Grazie, and same to you.

        • tessiee

          Oh, sorry; I thought you were a boy person.
          Bella ragazza, then.

          You know what that means, right?

          • Fukui-sanYesRadio

            Ha! That's how much I suck at Italian – I mistook ragazzo for ragazza and confused everyone, including myself (who is a boy person)

            edit: and thank you again!

          • tessiee

            Ragazzo is cute young male hottie.
            Ragazza is cute young female hottie.
            [although it sounds like it should mean ragamuffin, doesn't it?]
            Since my family is southern Italian (and therefore drops all the endings of words), we pronounce both ragazz', so it's a genderless term like "hottie" or "PYT".

    • Negropolis

      This is America, bub. Aqui, we speako de Spanglish, oh que? Tambien. Too.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    It also happens to be Free Comic Book Day. I'll celebrate Cinco de Mayo by also buying 5 comics by Latino artists.

    • chascates

      Jaime Hernandez?

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Is he the one who draws the robots, or the one who draws the big-breasted village girls?

        • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

          Robert Hernandez draws the big-breasted village girls. His brother Jaime draws robots *and* big-breasted village girls.

  • LetUsBray

    Certainly in LA this is one of the top two drinking days of the year (with Halloween) – New Year's Eve, St. Patrick's Day, and the U$C-UCLA game round out the top five. I'm celebrating not having to drive anywhere.

    However, as Professor Hayes-Bautista alludes, this is a good day for the US of A and Freedom: If Napoleon III gotten well-established in Mexico, he most likely would have meddled more overtly on the States' Rights to Hold Slaves' side of our Civil War.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Except that there's more than a little evidence that the House of Bourbon (who controlled most of the thrones of Continental Europe) saw the turmoil of the Civil War as a chance to retake the Louisiana Territory and California.

      While the North feared France backing the South, the South feared France and/or Spain invading from below. There was even a proposal floated to have the North and South call a truce in the Civil War for the purpose of coming together and kicking Nap III out of Mexico. But it would have required the North to recognize the South, so that went nowhere.

  • chascates

    Poor Mexico! So far from God, so close to the United States.

    • GhostBuggy

      Not a threesome I envy.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        vaguely related meta….does anyone else have trouble shutting off the snark? This is a minor example. Got an email from Gittar Centre

        Blueb4sunrise,

        two way to get discovered this week: Battle of the Blues and Onstage with Slash.

        so I replied that I think someone has already discovered the ' two way', and more!

        • chascates

          I went for years repeating the comments from MST3K at what I thought were appropriate times. And before that confused people with my Firesign Theater quotes.

          • MadBrahms

            "Not our Hitler building!" will get you weird looks, that's for sure.

          • tessiee

            As I'm reading this, I'm also watching "Touch of Satan": "This is where the fish lives".

          • MadBrahms

            "Good, so we're both in the clutches of the devil because you wanted seconds."

          • tessiee

            "Slutting is fun!"

            [OK, that's from "Hobgoblins", but that was a perfect set-up; also, I like the word "slutting"]

          • MadBrahms

            I think the world would be a better place if soldiers really did fight wars with garden tools.

          • tessiee

            "Firesign Theater"

            "Look, it's the mural depicting the heroic struggle of the little guys to finish the mural!"

          • GhostBuggy

            It was a long time before I could get through a conversation without quoting MST3K in some way. Now I just wear black socks with white tennis shoes and wait for the other kids to beat me up.

            Damn it!

    • Steverino247

      Thank you, Presidente Juarez.

  • GhostBuggy

    That's right. Nevar Forgit that the southern states were a bunch of fucking traitors.

    • Veritas78

      And lazy, to boot.

    • MadBrahms

      "were"?

  • stopthemovie

    I guess this means my lawn won't be mowed today.

    • Radiotherapy

      so that is why the 7/11 parking lot is empty.

    • Radiotherapy

      so that is why the parking lot at 7/11 is empty.

      • flamingpdog

        Dude, I upfisted your repeat comment just because I've never seen two identical comments a whole hour apart.

        • bagofmice

          IntenseDebate has a curious understanding of time.It will save your comment in the cookie, but then reject it because of the timestamp.

        • not that Dewey

          I did too, but apparently one of them is exactly twice as funny as the other, according to the fists!

          • flamingpdog

            And it's the second one that's twice as funny as the other one. I hope that doesn't mean that the peoplez at this site have to hear a joke twice before they get it.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      my lawn won't be mowed today

      "Muchos gracias .. grassy-ass ..'assy-grass'?"

      • not that Radio

        I had totally forgotten about this.

        sigh.

  • Biff

    ¡Tacos de la libertad para todos!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    You always learn something new at the Wonkette. Here I thought Sink-o de Mayo was what you got by being sloppy with the Hellman's when making egg salad.

    • Biff

      El fregadero isn't much to celebrate until you add the Hellman's.

  • Fare la Volpe

    And we celebrate today by turning tiny Mexicans into slaves jockeys for our horse cockfight legitimate racing venue for the entertainment of racist ass crackers wealthy sports enthusiasts.

    Thank God that whole "democracy" thing never took hold in America.

    • shebeers

      Viva la Mexico! Viva Mario Gutierrez! I'm so pissed off my iPad not only won't let me make an ! go upside down, I can't even start a sentence with a ! going, you know, like this ! wtf?

      • bagofmice

        Edit your keyboard settings.

        • Boojum

          Is "edit your keyboard settings" computerese for "fuck your iPad"?

          • Fare la Volpe

            This is my new fetish.

          • Arken

            Considering the only holes in an ipad are the size of the charge cable and the size of a headphone plug, sorry about your penis.

      • MissNancyPriss

        I won $700 on tiny mexican slave jockey mario guiterrez and his slave steed. can't help it, i love the races.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    So I'm watching the NASCAR race on ABC today when the announcer tells us that if you select the SAP button on your TV, you can listen to the race in Spanish. I could hear the NASCAR fan heads exploding from shore to shore.

    • tessiee

      "you can listen to the race in Spanish"

      so instead of all the cars going
      RRRRRRR!
      They all go
      !RRRRRR!

      • Negropolis

        Dubbed by Sofia Vergara.

        • James Michael Curley

          But K-Mart?

      • Boojum

        ¡Andale! ¡Andale!

        • not that Dewey

          ¡Gire a la izquierda!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    This is very cool. I admit to being as puzzled as anyone why it became such a USian tradition. But hey, beer!!!

    And this kind of learning stuff is just what the Tucson Unified School District is cancelling as 'Ethnic Studies'.

    En Espanol.
    http://azstarnet.com/laestrella/ciudad/cinco-de-m

  • EtchySketchy

    Stupid French. Freedom Enchiladas for all my friends!

  • chascates

    Things That Should Fall Out Of A Piñata At A Cinco De Mayo Party http://www.theawl.com/2012/05/pinata-cinco-de-may

  • GeneralLerong

    Hey! If we can't sell the South to Mexico, maybe it's possible to give half of it away? ["Here's your cut."]

    • LetUsBray

      Or at least send 'em back Arizona and Texas along with a nice note apologizing for the misunderstanding?

    • tessiee

      Personally, I think we'd get the better part of the deal if we paid them to take it.

  • sbj1964

    The Mexicans beat the French? Well who has not? You attack the French half surrender,and the other half switches sides.Beating the French is just lame for a holiday.

  • Guppy

    Scaring the French away was probably the only time the Monroe Doctrine worked as intended.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I'm celebrating the day whoever introduced lime to the Mexican people – because, without lime, civilized life is impossible….actually, I'm celebrating heavily….

    • Blueb4sunrise

      I think maybe the citrus came with the Germans and their beer .

      [not intended to be a factual statement]

      • Negropolis

        Yes, Germany has the perfect climate for growing limes.

        [surely not intended to be a factual statement]

        • Blueb4sunrise

          I did some research [asked my neighbor], according to him, limes came to North America stored in the bowel of the dinosaur Jeebus rode here to write to Constitution.

          • Boojum

            The Mexican lime is native to the Indo-Malayan region. It was unknown in Europe before the Crusades and it is assumed to have been carried to North Africa and the Near East by Arabs and taken by Crusaders from Palestine to Mediterranean Europe. In the mid-13th Century, it was cultivated and well-known in Italy and probably also in France. It was undoubtedly introduced into the Caribbean islands and Mexico by the Spaniards, for it was reportedly commonly grown in Haiti in 1520. It readily became naturalized in the West Indies and Mexico, There is no known record of its arrival in Florida. Dr. Henry Perrine planted limes from Yucatan on Indian Key and possibly elsewhere. In 1839, cultivation of limes in southern Florida was reported to be "increasing". The lime became a common dooryard fruit and by 1883 was being grown commercially on a small scale in Orange and Lake Counties. When pineapple culture was abandoned on the Florida Keys, because of soil depletion and the 1906 hurricane, people began planting limes as a substitute crop for the Keys and the islands off Ft. Myers on the west coast. The fruits were pickled in saltwater and shipped to Boston where they were a popular snack for school children. The little industry flourished especially between 1913 and 1923, but was demolished by the infamous hurricane of 1926. Thereafter, the lime was once again mainly a casual dooryard resource on the Keys and the southern part of the Florida mainland.

          • James Michael Curley

            Without which we would have to call her Lizzie.

          • Boojum

            Google is your neighbor's worst nightmare.

          • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

            Large amounts of Asian citrus and flowering plant species were brought to Mexico by the Jesuits in the Colonial era. (Some got as far as colonial Louisiana, which is why we still have such an abundance of satsumas, loquats, and camellias in S.E. Louisiana.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      When my daughter was dating a Stanford marching band man, he told her about a drink called the "Stuntman."
      You drink a shot of Tequila, snort the salt, and squirt yourself in the eye with the lime(!), all while your friends are chanting: "Stuntman, Stuntman, Stuntman!"
      (I'm guessing you have to be PRETTY drunk to do this!)

      • Boojum

        Or a huge liar.

        • BerkeleyBear

          Never doubt a Stanford band drinking legend – some dumbass (with great SAT scores) has done it.

          Chocolate donuts and beer is the standard gameday breakfast, and it just goes up from there.

          They are about the only thing from the 'furd I don't despise completely (but don't get me started on that mother fucking tree).

          • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

            He also told us about how stinky the tree is, and how you HAVE to be drunk to wear it.
            (Ever notice how it's shaped like a redwood/conifer, but has deciduous leaves?)

          • BerkeleyBear

            Supposedly the costume changes every few years (if anyone is the tree 2 years in a row they get to customize it, so for example switch to a palm) but I'm sure smells about as awesome as the Oski outfit does (vomit and b.o. being the main scents).

  • Come here a minute

    Cinco de Mayo is celebrated by Americans to commemorate the only thing we remember from high school Spanish. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco, etcetera.

    • tessiee

      Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco

      a one, two! uno dos tres quatro!
      *cranks "Wooly Bully"*
      *dances like a crazy person*

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        ⬆ I'm starting to like this woman.

  • Steverino247

    Many displaced Confederates, especially the arrogant fuckers that started the rebellion, fled to Mexico through Texas after losing the Civil Way to join the French Army. They were hoping to cash in on a French victory and start up their cotton/slave operations down there. Most were either killed in combat or captured and executed by the Mexicans who knew very well what those bastards had in mind for their country. Napoleon III later lost his ass to the Prussians in 1870 (and we all know who ELSE benefited from that victory).

    • doloras

      Bismarck?

    • Guppy

      Communards?

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Fartypantz.

  • SorosBot

    I'm just celebrating by playing Super Smash Bros.: Brawl, and hoping that my girlfriend's (MissTaken, if you don't know) injured back gets better. Actually, that sounds like a totally ordinary Saturday night. But I am going to go and finally see The Avengers tomorrow.

    • MissTaken

      Thanks, honey! Back feels a bit better, but still not going out for cervezas and tequila.

      • Steverino247

        Get well soon! I know full well what painful backs are like.

      • Barb

        I am glad that you feel better, Sweetie. I completely blame Soros for injuring you, guilty or not.

        • HistoriCat

          You try to warn kids about risky sex but do they listen? No!

          • Barb

            I know what you mean, Histori. The minute someone tries to bring a banana peel into the bedroom I balk. Nope, that could be slippery.

          • flamingpdog

            I like my women slippery.

          • Barb

            Good one, Flaming!

      • SorosBot

        Yay at your back feeling better; hope you fully heal it soon.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Which character you play in Brawl?

      • SorosBot

        I actually like R.O.B. the best.

  • Radiotherapy

    i sure picked the wrong day to quit drinking.

    • Biff

      Timing is everything!

    • tessiee

      yes, but how do you feel about gladiator movies?

    • flamingpdog

      Can we all get drunk and put all the Republitards in a Turkish prison?

      • Radiotherapy
      • HuddledMass

        They would like that, the sick fucks.

  • JustPixelz

    The important thing is Cinco de Mayo helps fill the gap between Presidents Day and Memorial Day. With global warming giving us an earlier start to the picnic season, we could use a good excuse to drink beer outside.

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    Then they'll go on facebook with yet another racist comment about how this America dammit! And we speak American here!
    Really, I have never understood how so many people get pissed off about such a small thing. They get angry because English isn't the only language option? Is it because they are just racist or are their fingers so fat they are physically incapable of making a choose on a keypad?

    • Boojum

      The answer to your questions is a resounding "All of them, Katie."

  • Indiepalin

    Napolean the 23rd, a descendent had a hit in the sixties about being taken away in a rubber truck, if that helps

  • GuanoFaucet

    Now that I've put the kid to bed, my night will be spent mixing the Bass Ale with the Guinness Stout while listening to Paul's Boutique, on repeat.

    • Barb

      Cheers, Guano!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    There are other countries?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sure … ever hear of Africa? Even Sarah knows about that one.

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Oh, that's right. She can see it from her porch.

    • Stevola

      Of course! That's who we invade!

  • politics_nerd

    Presidente is a brand of whisky (brandy), not tequila.

    • chascates

      Great neat but I like it with Coke.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Whisky is brandy, now?

    • http://dandalionsworld.blogspot.com/ dandalion

      There is a big difference between brandy and whisky (spelled whiskey for American made be it a blend or a bourbon)… brandy is made from grapes and whisky is made from a grain (corn, wheat and or rye). Presidente is a brandy

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    So, OT, but new thread, so I'll post this here: Turns out that if you're blah, the cops will also kill you for accidentally setting off your medical alert device.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I realize the vast majority of officers are out there doing the right thing throughout their careers, but for the other ones who are hateful morons, they should at least try to remember that if they can't do the right thing just because, then do it because we now live in a surveillance state, and even MedicAlert bracelets record it when they call an elderly black veteran "nigger" and shoot him in his bed.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        On that tape: "“This is my sworn testimony. White Plains officers are coming in here to kill me.”

        Much more to this story than meets the eye, no? And this may sound familiar, but nothing was done about it, until the victim's relatives made a stink. NOW, there's a grand jury looking into it.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        As one of the commenters there said, "It's cops like these that give a bad name to the other 5%"

    • Me_K_Cong

      I followed the link. Wow. Remind me not to get medic alert. Or a house alarm. Or ever utter the word help in earshot of a cop.

  • MissTaken

    Feliz Navidad!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Almost exactly one year later – April 30, 1863 – a patrol of some 60 members of the French Foreign Legion found 2,000 Mexican soliders at Camarón. They were wiped out.

    Every year the Legion remembers the date.

    There are many snide remarks above about the French military. Anyone questioning their military heritage is forgetting it was the French navy that won the American Revolution for us. And the army took huge losses in WW I, among many other wars.

    It's popular for some people to question their ability and courage. But the fact that many people do it doesn't make it correct.

    • Fukui-sanYesRadio

      As I said in the earlier comment, it really irritates me the way people are utterly dismissive of the French as a military force.

      Now, the Belgians …

    • BerkeleyBear

      But cheese eating surrender monkeys is so much more fun to say than sovereign nation and long term ally with a proud military tradition and complex history.

      • Boojum

        I remember when a W era State Department spokesman referred to the French, Belgians, and Germans as a bunch of chocolate makers and rhetorically asked what they know about going to war.

        I can understand the perception about France and Belgium, but Germany? Really?

        Update: "In unusually blunt language that drew surprised gasps from reporters, State Department spokesman Richard Boucher scoffed at Belgium, France, Germany and Luxembourg for continuing to support the proposal that they first introduced at a mini-summit in April."

        He described the April meeting as one between "four countries that got together and had a little bitty summit" and then referred to them collectively as "the chocolate makers."

        • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

          Boucher sounds like a suspiciously foreign name.
          Hmmm…wonder where his "people" are from?

        • HistoriCat

          There's that famed W administration grasp of diplomacy and history. I can't believe we didn't choose to keep their policies going!

          John Bolton for President!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      And the quick French collapse in WWII was a direct result of the insanely high losses in WWI– something like half of all French men between the ages of 18 and 30 died in the first war. Not half the combatants. Half the male population in that age range.

      • Tundra Grifter

        Thank you! You made my point better than I did.

        To be serious on a Sunday morning, it is my personal theory the decline of the British nation had a great deal to do with (depending on how you count) a hundred years of constant war.

        For generations the best and the brightest – and certainly the bravest – died around the globe to preserve the Empire. Then came the absolute horrors of WW I – more casualties (killed and wounded) in one day at the Somme than we lost in Viet Nam.

        "A scrimmage in a Border Station–
        "A canter down some dark defile–
        "Two thousand pounds of education
        "Drops to a ten-rupee jezail–"

        ~ "Arithmetic on the Frontier," Kipling
        The Crammer's boast, the Squadron's pride,
        Shot like a rabbit in a ride!

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          Just bought and started reading Adam Hochschild's To End All Wars, which asks, perfectly reasonably, "If we were allowed to magically roll back history to the start of the 20th century and undo one – and only one – event, is there any doubt that it would be the war that broke out in 1914?"

      • not that Dewey

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBmNiHrvRbk

        Well, you're a good man, Albert Brown
        And you was wounded in the War
        And though you shot some people down,
        You're still a good man, Albert Brown.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation
      • MosesInvests

        Vive le mort, vive le guerre, vive le sacre mercenaire!

  • HistoriCat

    I could be wrong (and I'm too lazy to Google right now) but isn't Cinco de Mayo primarily celebrated in Mexico mainly in the state where the battle happened? My personal theory is that folks from that state continued the celebrations when they moved to the US. Now in places like Texas and California, the weather in early May is good for an outdoor party … so why wait for Memorial Day?

    • Tundra Grifter

      I believe you are correct. I heard secondhand a NYT account that the celebration started to raise money to continue the war.

  • Negropolis

    OT, but isn't Mexico about to have a president from the left for the first time in quite a few years? I think I heard something about it the other day.

    • flamingpdog

      It sure would be nice if at least one of the North American countries had a President from the left.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Give us ths day our daily PRD.

      Though, at this point, a return to the presidency by the PRI would be better than another six years on the order of El Caballo de Los Pinos (Fox) & his successor, Calderon.

      • user-of-owls

        That's precisely what we're going to get, the Re-PRI. Poor old AMLO is going to get creamed…again…and Peña Nieto of the PRI will roll. The PANistas seem to have decided that as long as they are going off the cliff, they might as well give Josefina the wheel because hey, chivalry.

      • Negropolis

        Well, I meant to the left of PAN. Obrador is a real and serious socialist, and those don't get elected much in modern, Western democracies, anymore. PRI is better than Fox & Friends.

        I'm just happy to see these unapologetic right-wingers falling all over the globe, lately. I don't know much about Germany other than that it seems to be doing pretty well, so Merkel seems at least tolerable. But, all the rest seem to have boderline personality disorders apart from their horrible policies.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    President Abraham Lincoln never referred to the Confederacy as a separate government: they were states in rebellion,” the professor said.

    They were revolting as well.

  • valgal2342

    Meh, it is Kentucky Derby Day here in Louisville! Mint juleps all around, on me!

    Oh and….25 year old jockey, Mario Gutierrez, won his first KY Derby today on, "I'll Have Another" and he's from MEXICO. So I guess we should break out the tequila too!
    HAPPY CINCO DE DERBY!

    • Barb

      Happy Cinco De Derby to you too, Dear!

      • valgal2342

        Gracias mi amiga!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "How did this become an American holiday?"

    The invention of the margarita had a lot to do with it.

  • flamingpdog

    The good ol' days, when farms were still funny.

  • ttommyunger

    Those fucking French, always meddling! OT: Barb gave me an attaboy for tweeting this link, so here it is for those Wonketeers who haven't seen it, my fav is "Get In My Vagina". http://t.co/kylK6CSv

  • flamingpdog

    Wait, you're telling me the 9 years of French I took in school and college wouldn't have been wasted out here in Colorado if Napolean III had whupped the Messicans? And I'm supposed to celebrate?

    • MadBrahms

      You can still use it to impress the ladies!

      Wait, who am I kidding.

  • MadBrahms

    "I'd love to have my dad involved in my vagina!"

    At that point, I completely lost it, and my roommates thought I might be having some sort of attack on account of the laughter.

    • Barb

      This was on Bill Maher last night before it was posted to the Funny or Die site. I had to watch the rerun to catch it again and was so happy when TTommy brought it to us.

      Cheers, Mad!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Happy "My Weekend Has Been Fucked Up By Teenagers Again" Day!

  • shebeers

    I saw a Mexican jockey by the name of Mario Gutierrez win the Derby today. Feliz Cinco de Mayo, Kentucky! (you know they gotta be pissed)

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Does anybody except downtown twenty-somethings and suburban patio dwellers celebrate Cinco de Mayo, with its dubiously Mexican official drink, the Margarita? Everybody who lives anywhere near actual Mexicans knows that the big independence celebration, with the parades and the Mexican flags on everybody's car, is in mid-September.

    • not that Dewey

      On my birthday, specifically. Living as I do in "New" Mexico, I am quite enchanted by this Real Mexican Holiday.

    • ElPinche

      As a patio dweller and actual mexican, I carouse and drink margaritas even on White Pride day.

      • Biff

        Have you seen Ms. Noonington?

        • ElPinche

          Yeah, she's under the table, eating my flauta with one fancy pinky up .

          • user-of-owls

            Cuidate Pinche. No puedes hacer mini-pinches sin tu flauta y si la dama mas blanca que blanco come tu equipaje…

          • ElPinche

            Si! Es la verdad , buhito.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Bash a Ronald Reagan pinata for me!

        • ElPinche

          We bashed it and we actually got poorer.

          • user-of-owls

            …and covered in ketchup.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      We celebrate it here in New Orleans, of course. (Depending on the day of the week, usually while also celebrating Jazz Fest). We also celebrate Mexican Independence Day on 16 September (the day after we celebrate Central American Independence Day). Of course we also have parties and parades for Bastille Day. And the anniversary of Andrew Jackson's defeat of the British, as well as Queen Elizabeth's Birthday. OK, and pretty much any other excuse to drink and party in the streets.

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Is Italy in war with Mexico? Or Ireland?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    So if the South had been allowed to break off, it would have become a civilized, French colony – sort of like America's Morrocco – a land of sophistication and fine food, untangled in American politics?

    Fucking Lincoln!

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    New thing to tell your Southern friends:

    STFU, asshole. If it weren't for the North, you'd be speaking French today!

    • ElPinche

      "..Now eat your chimichanga."

      BTW.. We're all mescans when chimichanga is in spellcheck .

  • ttommyunger

    Awwwww, shucks, ma'am. (hangs head, shuffles boots in dust)

  • voodooeconomics

    It became a holiday because we wanted Coronas on special, even for a single day we must pay less than $4.50 for that Messican piss.

  • cheetojeebus

    Zoot allurs! sock craw blue? no live blog of Sarkozy's defeat?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Poor Nicky. He'll have to seek comfort for his sad in Carla Bruni's arms.

      / cues très triste violins.

  • DahBoner

    You just can't depend on those other holidays, the way they move it around all the time.

    At least Cinco de Mayo always falls on the 5th of May…

  • owhatever

    See what will happen if we don't build that damned fence? Texas will be overrun. Vive la cinco de Mayo.

  • MiniMencken

    Me, for one, is super-excited about this holiday! We got to kick the French ass, face down on the gravel road! So sweet! Maybe the Wonkette lady, she go out for some bebidas with su amigo? And she wear a nice Poblana skirt, but with the no underpanties, yes?