A very important personNothing offers a better preview of how lame American governance will be no matter who wins the next election — WHICH IS NOT TO SAY that the election doesn’t matter! — than the fact that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are furiously courting the endorsement of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whose opinions no one cares about except for Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, and Michael Bloomberg. Now that we’ve established that, well, WHO WILL MICHAEL BLOOMBERG ENDORSE??? Because Bloomberg is being cagey, oooooh…

So, Michael Bloomberg, how gay are you for Mitt Romney? Only say-hey-on-the-sidewalk gay for him, apparently:

“I’ve known him over the years,” the mayor said, citing his roots in Massachusetts, where Mr. Romney was governor. He pronounced Mr. Romney “a very pleasant guy” and said, in an attempt at modesty, that the governor had been “nice enough to stop by.”

“Would you say we’re close friends? Probably not,’’ Mr. Bloomberg said. “But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike.’”

Ugh, is politics over yet?


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  • nounverb911

    Bloomberg could buy Romney with the loose change in his sofa.

    • Oh, I don't think income inequality has gotten THAT bad, now.

      Maybe the money in his wallet

    • GOPCrusher

      Mitt Romney? I could buy and sell that fucker a thousand times over.

      -Mike Bloomberg

      I'm Mitt Romney and I approved of this message.

  • Come here a minute

    Bloomberg is not a big fan, but many of his wealthy friends are Romneybot owners.

    • mrpuma2u

      Now if we could only tie Mikey to a rock, give him magic regeneration powers and have the eagle eat his liver out every day as divine punishment for endorsing magic undies mittens.

  • HempDogbane

    “But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt. Get the damn dog of the roof!"

    • iburl

      I'd say "I'll bet you $10,000 you lose!"

  • nounverb911

    Isn't Bloomberg one of those elitists that live in townhouses and take the subway to work?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe he's got an elevator for his shoes.

    • widestanceromance

      Shamelessly reading magazines and newspapers, also.

    • sewollef

      S'right. He lives right there in hipsterville — aka Billyburg in a 4-floor walk-up and takes the L-train from Bedford switching to the 6-train at Union Square for his downtown 'office'.

      Sometimes he cycles across the Williamsburg Bridge too.

      All true. I swear it.

      • I seen him on the Kent Avenue greenway! He rides this boss Campagnola, painted orange and blue to match the city colors! With training wheels!

        • George Spelvin

          NYC colors are the same as Denny's?

    • Townhouse, yes. Subway, only for show.

  • SorosBot

    Now, Bloomberg's opinion is very important to the muddled "centrist" DC pundits and opinion page writers who always want the Democrats to compromise by giving the Republicans everything they want and wish the voters would just bow down and let our obvious superiors rule over us without complaint.

  • CapnFatback

    “Would you say we’re close friends? Probably not,’’ Mr. Bloomberg said. “But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike.’

    "And then I'd say, 'THAT'S MR. BLOOMBERG TO YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!' And then I'd get my private army to beat him like a wealth-spreading, patchouli-reeking Occupy Wall Street hippie."

  • comrad_darkness

    Of course Bloomberg will endorse Mitt, he's seen Mitt in drag. FABulous!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Voters are just so excited about Mitt!

    • Boojum

      I fell asleep halfway through reading this comment.

  • Ruhe

    Why does Romney care about Bloomberg's endorsement? Does he not know who his constituency is?

    • sewollef

      Clearly not, since it as sure as shit isn't the upper east side. They're all raging democrats with bucketfuls of money. Usually old money.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Since Bloomberg has been demonized by Conservatives, how does his endorsement help Mitt? OR are we going back to pro-health care/global warming, teh ghayez Romney for the election?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Maybe he's assuming that this will bring the communist vote over?

    • GOPCrusher

      Ted Nugent will probably threaten to suck his dick.

  • Must be that Bloomberg is the top of the political pyramid being a billionaire, businessman and burg boss….

  • Baconzgood

    "I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike', Then I'd be all like what a douche bag under my breath"

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I give so small of a shit about this that I think I will refrain from making any comment at all.

    Huh? Oh, fuck.

    • George Spelvin

      This would be one of the many shits that was not given on this matter?

  • No, RomBot would say "Hi. Where's you get the suit – Target?"

  • edgydrifter

    Is that Callista or Ann Romney on Bloomberg's arm there? Freaky platinum raptors all look alike to me.

  • Steverino247

    So, is that bird going to snatch out an eye so The Mayor can look really tough like Kirk Douglas in The Vikings?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think it's going to eat Ann Romney's nipple.

  • Knowing the GOP base, an endorsement from the Unabomber would probably have more traction.

    • HistoriCat

      Except that the Unabomber believes in Global Warming!!1!1!

      • sullivanst

        So does Bloomberg.

  • ttommyunger

    Bubble over Eagle's head: "Back off, shorty, THIS is a beak!".

    • widestanceromance

      The mayor is the one in the suit, right?

      • ttommyunger

        The little motherfucker SLEEPS in a suit.

    • sewollef

      Now THAT'S funny…. and oh so true.

  • This is less thrilling than waiting for the Kim Kardashian endorsement.

  • barto

    This is definitely not fodder for another reality teevee show.

  • Bloomberg to Romney: "no way you're getting my endorsement muthafucker, but if you win, you be my new bitch"

  • SayItWithWookies

    Mike Bloomberg better be respected — he paid enough for that mayoralty that it should have a Gucci label on it. It'll be tricky to play it though, especially if Bloomberg switches party affiliations in the next week or so — he's about due.

    • nounverb911

      After all he started out as a Democrat.

  • YasserArraFeck

    Those eagles prey on small mammals – Mike'd better watch out

  • Generation[redacted]

    If I saw him on the street, I'd say, "Hi, Mitt."
    If he asked for my endorsement, I'd say, "Are you high, Mitt?"

  • C_R_Eature

    If I saw Mitt on the street I'd say "Holy Shit, I'm in the wrong neighborhood!"

    Bloomberg's an entitled ass. Eh, it's Friday. Time for some Squiddies and Beer.

    • But in Bloomberg's defense, he's been known to ride the New York subway. I'll bet Rmoney never has.

      • C_R_Eature

        Ride the Subway? Romney has People for that!

      • GOPCrusher

        Some of Rmnoney's best friends own Subway.

        • SorosBot

          Or he's good friends with Subway; that is, the corprate-humanoid who took on the identity of the company to enroll at Greendale Community College so the Subway corporation could open franchise there.

          • sullivanst

            But only the second one, not the one that bumped nasties with that slut Brita. The Mittbot does not approve of deviant sex acts… and the Mittbot considers all sex acts to be deviant.

          • MissTaken

            RIP Hot and Brown

    • George Spelvin

      You've established quite the brand identity. Please carry on — I find myself increasingly fond of cephalopodography.

      • C_R_Eature

        Thank you. It's funny to me that this "cephalopodography" (thanks for that term- I like it and will no doubt use it) started as a silly prank and has since become a Theme.
        I suppose that's where a lot of Themes come from.

  • PuckStopsHere

    If I saw Mitt Romney on the street I'd say, "Why don't you go and fuck right off, Mitt?"

  • JoeHoya

    If only Bloomberg looked more like a salmon …

  • I'm waiting for "Hitler is informed that Obama and Romney are both asking for his endorsement"

    • George Spelvin

      <Enormous vegan fart>

  • Schmannnity

    Billionaires and quarter billionaires have got to stick together.

  • If I saw Rmoney on the street, I'd say, "Hi, Mr. Romney," and he'd say, "Hi, Loser. Didn't I scrape you off my shoe this morning?"

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Mayor Bloomberg still believes in evolution and global warming. Do YOU?

  • sullivanst

    Bloomberg think's Romney's net worth is not very much money.

    But then, Bloomberg thinks he handled the blizzard of 2010 well, so who gives a fuck?

    Also, tell us about your gun control proposals, Mikey. Preferably after you've endorsed Mitt because we just know you will.

  • Boojum

    If I say Mitt Romney on the street, I would drive faster.

    • bikerlaureate

      Thank you. Bloomie said nothing about walking…

      We know Rmoneytron hangs out at fire stations with 911Rudy, so their minions could cross paths.

  • An_Outhouse

    Bloomberg: Hi, Mitt’
    Mitt: ‘Hi, Mike – how's it hanging
    Bloomberg: Nice and tight now that I have the testosterone supplements.
    Mitt: Endorse me?
    Bloomberg: Blow me.
    Mitt: okay.
    Bloomberg: okay.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Woah, kidney stones talking there.

  • el_donaldo

    Saw him on the street? When was the last time you think Mittens was actually just, you know, walking down the street? Same for Bloomberg.

    These guys only see pavement as they duck their heads when entering the limo. Fuck them all.

    • widestanceromance

      Son of Jinx!

  • widestanceromance

    "But, if I saw him on the street. . " STOP right there, Bloomy. Does anybody think Willard just walks down a street ever?

    • el_donaldo


  • Actually, Bloomberg polls nicely as a person, crappily as a mayor. He might sway a few independents and when you think the last election was won by seven points, a few independents could keep Mitt from completely embarassing himself

    But he'll endorse Obama. He's not an idiot

  • prommie

    Just heaven help Romney if he runs into Bloomberg and he is smoking a fucking cigarrette.

  • James Michael Curley

    Michael Bloomberg goes back to his empty bachelor pad every night and endorses himself.

  • BarackMyWorld

    According to the media, Bloomberg is a "moderate" because he wants Wall Street to buy the country dinner before it rapes us. Romney passes out the roofies.

  • lochnessmonster

    "Nice enough to stop by" is code for….he was begging to get me to back him!

  • OneYieldRegular

    What Mitt Romney badly, badly needs is the endorsement of more people who are filthy rich.

  • vulpes82

    The only people who care about Bloomberg's endorsement are, unfortunately, the press, who loves them a "moderate" plutocrat.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Mitt who?

  • occams8ball

    "Bloomberg is being cagey, oooooh…"
    Floyd (the barber)

  • LadyWisdom

    I would consider an endorsement from Bloomberg a liability. Obama should quit bothering. Let him endorse Romney. They're both jerks.

  • valgal2342

    Sounds like an Obama endorsement to me.

  • GregComlish

    ‘Hi, Mitt’
    ‘Hi, Mike’
    'How's your money doing?'
    'Still got a lot of it'
    'I'd bet it's not as much as I have!'
    'Ha, Ha, I'd bet not, Sir!'

  • Ducksworthy

    Why is the Wall Street mascot, the Vulture, wearing that wig?

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