Lame Details From Inside The Lame Courtship Of Michael Bloomberg’s Endorsement

by Jim Newell

A very important personNothing offers a better preview of how lame American governance will be no matter who wins the next election — WHICH IS NOT TO SAY that the election doesn’t matter! — than the fact that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are furiously courting the endorsement of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whose opinions no one cares about except for Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, and Michael Bloomberg. Now that we’ve established that, well, WHO WILL MICHAEL BLOOMBERG ENDORSE??? Because Bloomberg is being cagey, oooooh…

So, Michael Bloomberg, how gay are you for Mitt Romney? Only say-hey-on-the-sidewalk gay for him, apparently:

“I’ve known him over the years,” the mayor said, citing his roots in Massachusetts, where Mr. Romney was governor. He pronounced Mr. Romney “a very pleasant guy” and said, in an attempt at modesty, that the governor had been “nice enough to stop by.”

“Would you say we’re close friends? Probably not,’’ Mr. Bloomberg said. “But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike.’”

Ugh, is politics over yet?

[NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 89 comments }

nounverb911 May 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Bloomberg could buy Romney with the loose change in his sofa.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Oh, I don't think income inequality has gotten THAT bad, now.

Maybe the money in his wallet

GOPCrusher May 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Mitt Romney? I could buy and sell that fucker a thousand times over.

-Mike Bloomberg

I'm Mitt Romney and I approved of this message.

Come here a minute May 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Bloomberg is not a big fan, but many of his wealthy friends are Romneybot owners.

mrpuma2u May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Now if we could only tie Mikey to a rock, give him magic regeneration powers and have the eagle eat his liver out every day as divine punishment for endorsing magic undies mittens.

HempDogbane May 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

“But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt. Get the damn dog of the roof!"

iburl May 4, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I'd say "I'll bet you $10,000 you lose!"

nounverb911 May 4, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Isn't Bloomberg one of those elitists that live in townhouses and take the subway to work?

BaldarTFlagass May 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Maybe he's got an elevator for his shoes.

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Shamelessly reading magazines and newspapers, also.

sewollef May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

S'right. He lives right there in hipsterville — aka Billyburg in a 4-floor walk-up and takes the L-train from Bedford switching to the 6-train at Union Square for his downtown 'office'.

Sometimes he cycles across the Williamsburg Bridge too.

All true. I swear it.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:17 pm

I seen him on the Kent Avenue greenway! He rides this boss Campagnola, painted orange and blue to match the city colors! With training wheels!

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

NYC colors are the same as Denny's?

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Townhouse, yes. Subway, only for show.

SorosBot May 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Now, Bloomberg's opinion is very important to the muddled "centrist" DC pundits and opinion page writers who always want the Democrats to compromise by giving the Republicans everything they want and wish the voters would just bow down and let our obvious superiors rule over us without complaint.

CapnFatback May 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

“Would you say we’re close friends? Probably not,’’ Mr. Bloomberg said. “But if I saw him on the street I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike.’

"And then I'd say, 'THAT'S MR. BLOOMBERG TO YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!' And then I'd get my private army to beat him like a wealth-spreading, patchouli-reeking Occupy Wall Street hippie."

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Quarter-Billionaires are disgusting.

comrad_darkness May 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Of course Bloomberg will endorse Mitt, he's seen Mitt in drag. FABulous!

anniegetyerfun May 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Voters are just so excited about Mitt!

Boojum May 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I fell asleep halfway through reading this comment.

Ruhe May 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Why does Romney care about Bloomberg's endorsement? Does he not know who his constituency is?

sewollef May 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Clearly not, since it as sure as shit isn't the upper east side. They're all raging democrats with bucketfuls of money. Usually old money.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 4, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Since Bloomberg has been demonized by Conservatives, how does his endorsement help Mitt? OR are we going back to pro-health care/global warming, teh ghayez Romney for the election?

anniegetyerfun May 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Maybe he's assuming that this will bring the communist vote over?

GOPCrusher May 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Ted Nugent will probably threaten to suck his dick.

Maman May 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Must be that Bloomberg is the top of the political pyramid being a billionaire, businessman and burg boss….

Baconzgood May 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

"I’d say, ‘Hi, Mitt’; he’d say, ‘Hi, Mike', Then I'd be all like what a douche bag under my breath"

BaldarTFlagass May 4, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I give so small of a shit about this that I think I will refrain from making any comment at all.

Huh? Oh, fuck.

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:12 pm

This would be one of the many shits that was not given on this matter?

FlownOver May 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

No, RomBot would say "Hi. Where's you get the suit – Target?"

edgydrifter May 4, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Is that Callista or Ann Romney on Bloomberg's arm there? Freaky platinum raptors all look alike to me.

MaxNeanderthal May 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Nah, it'd need to be a Harpy Eagle for that mistake to be made…. http://www.sandiegozoo.org/animalbytes/t-harpy_ea

GeneralLerong May 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

"Freaky platinum raptors" FTW.

Steverino247 May 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

So, is that bird going to snatch out an eye so The Mayor can look really tough like Kirk Douglas in The Vikings?

BaldarTFlagass May 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I think it's going to eat Ann Romney's nipple.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Animal cruelty!

johnnyzhivago May 4, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Knowing the GOP base, an endorsement from the Unabomber would probably have more traction.

HistoriCat May 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Except that the Unabomber believes in Global Warming!!1!1!

sullivanst May 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

So does Bloomberg.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Well, then he has very questionable ethics.

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Bubble over Eagle's head: "Back off, shorty, THIS is a beak!".

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm

The mayor is the one in the suit, right?

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

The little motherfucker SLEEPS in a suit.

sewollef May 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Now THAT'S funny…. and oh so true.

ManchuCandidate May 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

This is less thrilling than waiting for the Kim Kardashian endorsement.

barto May 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

This is definitely not fodder for another reality teevee show.

johnnyzhivago May 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Bloomberg to Romney: "no way you're getting my endorsement muthafucker, but if you win, you be my new bitch"

SayItWithWookies May 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Mike Bloomberg better be respected — he paid enough for that mayoralty that it should have a Gucci label on it. It'll be tricky to play it though, especially if Bloomberg switches party affiliations in the next week or so — he's about due.

nounverb911 May 4, 2012 at 4:43 pm

After all he started out as a Democrat.

YasserArraFeck May 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Those eagles prey on small mammals – Mike'd better watch out

Generation[redacted] May 4, 2012 at 4:41 pm

If I saw him on the street, I'd say, "Hi, Mitt."
If he asked for my endorsement, I'd say, "Are you high, Mitt?"

C_R_Eature May 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

If I saw Mitt on the street I'd say "Holy Shit, I'm in the wrong neighborhood!"

Bloomberg's an entitled ass. Eh, it's Friday. Time for some Squiddies and Beer.

Jukesgrrl May 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

But in Bloomberg's defense, he's been known to ride the New York subway. I'll bet Rmoney never has.

C_R_Eature May 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Ride the Subway? Romney has People for that!

GOPCrusher May 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Some of Rmnoney's best friends own Subway.

SorosBot May 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Or he's good friends with Subway; that is, the corprate-humanoid who took on the identity of the company to enroll at Greendale Community College so the Subway corporation could open franchise there.

sullivanst May 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

But only the second one, not the one that bumped nasties with that slut Brita. The Mittbot does not approve of deviant sex acts… and the Mittbot considers all sex acts to be deviant.

MissTaken May 4, 2012 at 7:02 pm

RIP Hot and Brown

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:16 pm

You've established quite the brand identity. Please carry on — I find myself increasingly fond of cephalopodography.

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 7:29 am

Thank you. It's funny to me that this "cephalopodography" (thanks for that term- I like it and will no doubt use it) started as a silly prank and has since become a Theme.
I suppose that's where a lot of Themes come from.

PuckStopsHere May 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

If I saw Mitt Romney on the street I'd say, "Why don't you go and fuck right off, Mitt?"

JoeHoya May 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm

If only Bloomberg looked more like a salmon …

johnnyzhivago May 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I'm waiting for "Hitler is informed that Obama and Romney are both asking for his endorsement"

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:16 pm

<Enormous vegan fart>

Schmannnity May 4, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Billionaires and quarter billionaires have got to stick together.

Jukesgrrl May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

If I saw Rmoney on the street, I'd say, "Hi, Mr. Romney," and he'd say, "Hi, Loser. Didn't I scrape you off my shoe this morning?"

Doktor StrangeZoom May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Mayor Bloomberg still believes in evolution and global warming. Do YOU?

sullivanst May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Bloomberg think's Romney's net worth is not very much money.

But then, Bloomberg thinks he handled the blizzard of 2010 well, so who gives a fuck?

Also, tell us about your gun control proposals, Mikey. Preferably after you've endorsed Mitt because we just know you will.

Boojum May 4, 2012 at 4:48 pm

If I say Mitt Romney on the street, I would drive faster.

bikerlaureate May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Thank you. Bloomie said nothing about walking…

We know Rmoneytron hangs out at fire stations with 911Rudy, so their minions could cross paths.

An_Outhouse May 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Bloomberg: Hi, Mitt’
Mitt: ‘Hi, Mike – how's it hanging
Bloomberg: Nice and tight now that I have the testosterone supplements.
Mitt: Endorse me?
Bloomberg: Blow me.
Mitt: okay.
Bloomberg: okay.

anniegetyerfun May 4, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Woah, kidney stones talking there.

el_donaldo May 4, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Saw him on the street? When was the last time you think Mittens was actually just, you know, walking down the street? Same for Bloomberg.

These guys only see pavement as they duck their heads when entering the limo. Fuck them all.

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Son of Jinx!

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"But, if I saw him on the street. . " STOP right there, Bloomy. Does anybody think Willard just walks down a street ever?

el_donaldo May 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Jinx.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Actually, Bloomberg polls nicely as a person, crappily as a mayor. He might sway a few independents and when you think the last election was won by seven points, a few independents could keep Mitt from completely embarassing himself

But he'll endorse Obama. He's not an idiot

prommie May 4, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Just heaven help Romney if he runs into Bloomberg and he is smoking a fucking cigarrette.

James Michael Curley May 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Michael Bloomberg goes back to his empty bachelor pad every night and endorses himself.

BarackMyWorld May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

According to the media, Bloomberg is a "moderate" because he wants Wall Street to buy the country dinner before it rapes us. Romney passes out the roofies.

lochnessmonster May 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

"Nice enough to stop by" is code for….he was begging to get me to back him!

OneYieldRegular May 4, 2012 at 5:29 pm

What Mitt Romney badly, badly needs is the endorsement of more people who are filthy rich.

vulpes82 May 4, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The only people who care about Bloomberg's endorsement are, unfortunately, the press, who loves them a "moderate" plutocrat.

Generation[redacted] May 4, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Mitt who?

occams8ball May 4, 2012 at 10:15 pm

"Bloomberg is being cagey, oooooh…"
Floyd (the barber)

LadyWisdom May 5, 2012 at 12:22 am

I would consider an endorsement from Bloomberg a liability. Obama should quit bothering. Let him endorse Romney. They're both jerks.

valgal2342 May 5, 2012 at 12:44 am

Sounds like an Obama endorsement to me.

GregComlish May 5, 2012 at 9:37 am

‘Hi, Mitt’
‘Hi, Mike’
'How's your money doing?'
'Still got a lot of it'
'I'd bet it's not as much as I have!'
'Ha, Ha, I'd bet not, Sir!'

Ducksworthy May 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Why is the Wall Street mascot, the Vulture, wearing that wig?

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