Muffer MaryThe Catholic League’s Bill Donohue is none-too-pleased with the Kellogg’s family of cereals, as it unaccountably refused to yield to his demands that it immediately stop advertising on the Jonathan Stewartsky Half-Hour Jew Hour That Hates Goys Full-Time. Oooooh, what’d Kellogg’s say to Bill Donohue? Did they tell him to get fucked? Yes. Yes they did.

“We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions to choose the television programs that they deem acceptable for themselves and their families. Consumers speak most loudly when they vote with their remote control and change the channel or turn off the TV if a program does not fit their personal criteria.”

Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!”

And don’t think Bill Donohue doesn’t know exactly what he just heard! He’s so mad he’s about to go full-Nuge!


In other words, Kellogg’s is telling Christians to shove it. But they made a mistake. We will now send the indefensible picture to their senior management and board, as well as to community leaders, religious and secular, throughout Battle Creek, Michigan. We are also calling for a national boycott of all Kellogg’s cereals. Moreover, I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website about their collapse of decency. This is just for starters. We have the time, money, and the determination to give Kellogg’s some free advertisement.

Oh. No. Stop. Don’t.

It is weird, it almost seems as if big corporations are no longer running scared from and doing the bidding of folks like Bill Donohue and the One Million Moms! (Forty-seven. They are 47 moms, with a really intense interest in lesbianism.)

Anyway, looks like Kellogg’s will have Bill Donohue to thank when all the hippies decide to finally let their uncombed spawn eat Frosted Flakes and Honey Smacks instead of puffed rice and tofu cereal. Or maybe they’ll be inspired by Kellogg’s next variety: Fruit of the Womb.

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    Bill Donohue got diddled by the parish priest one time too many when he was an alter boy.

    • freddymcmurray

      altar, but i like your version better

  • Cornflakes is MUSLIN!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Nah, iz Meusli.

    • Pennywhistler

      Well, they also sell Cotton Flakes down South and Flannel Flakes in New England.

  • James Michael Curley

    WTF is that picture behind him?

    • teebob2000

      A vagina constructed from corn flakes. C'mon, what else would it be???

      • memzilla

        Sugar Frosted Vajayjays! Betcha can't eat just one!

        • Step aside, sir, I need no sugar frosting to get MY fill!

        • iburl

          Super Sugar Snatch
          Count Snizzula
          Cinnamon Toast C**t

          • tessiee

            Frosted Fress
            Cracklickin' Oat Bran

    • It's a vagina manger (technically, a creche) that Donohue had already objected to.

      • WIDTAP

        A crotch creche, perhaps?

      • A Vagina Manager? I thought that was an entry level Male Elder in the Mormon Church.

  • I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website about their collapse of decency.

    Man this guy is just plain dumb. I'm talking "Mice and Men" dumb.

    • MaxNeanderthal

      ….or Jethro Clampett?

      • neiltheblaze

        That's Jethro Bodine. It's very important to make these distinctions. Code of the hills and all that stuff.

    • pdiddycornchips

      So he's going on Fox and Friends and Limbaugh to whine like a bitch again?

      • "War on [insert fucking stupidness that not even Billo will care much about]"

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          I'm waiting for the War on Easter. It didn't come this year. Maybe next year?

          • ChessieNefercat

            This year was a leap year, therefore no war on Easter.

    • kingofmeh

      ooh, maybe he can buy some airtime during "keeping up with the kardashians" to explain to the public about the concept of decency.

  • Exhausted66

    Serial rapists: good
    Cereal: bad.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      What about cereal rapists?

      • STOP JUDGING ME! I paid my debt to society…

        • Darthhippy

          But you never repaid the count.

          • HogeyeGrex

            I think Frankenberry got his $5 worth, though.

      • SexySmurf

        I was going to make a joke about a random female cereal mascot asking for it, but there aren't any female cereal mascots. Not one. There's your War on Women.

        • Krackle looks gay. Will that suffice?

          Also, Tony was married, at least in 1971. Rumour has it he divorced Mrs Tony and married a younger hotter jaguar

          • SexySmurf

            Couldn't they make that frog on the Honey Smacks box a chick? The cereal already looks like tiny vaginas.

          • Honey Snatchs?

          • Fare la Volpe

            Now Mrs. Tony is such a cougar.

          • WIDTAP

            Tiger mom.

          • tessiee

            "married a younger hotter jaguar"

            Actually, he *drives* a jaguar, but married a sophisticated and sexy older cougar.

          • tessiee

            "Rumour has it he divorced Mrs Tony"

            Can't really blame him. I hear she was a cheetah.

        • Sparky McGruff

          Upon occasion, there's a "Cinderella Crunch" or "Dora's Nuggets" some other dreck mixed in the cereal aisle. And, there's lots of Dora and Princess fruit snacks right next to the cereal as well. I know this because my girls beg me to buy an overpriced box of said sugary crap. That's when I say "no" and grab a giant bag of the cheap stuff instead.

          That's because I'm a horrible dad. They'll tell their therapists that their dad didn't love them, because he wouldn't shell out for the box with the licensed characters on it.

          • The wife goes to Target and gets $75 worth of whatever for $45 (sometimes better, sometimes worse) and she says the clerks always give her the stink eye and act bitchy because she has so many coupons and calls them on it when they screw up the checkout. Just wrote this to tell you: Good job, teach kids frugality, because no one else will.

          • Welcome to the club.
            My girls (21 and 25), STILL have not forgiven me for not buying them salt-laden Lunchables.
            (To be fair, I still hold a grudge about no EZ-Bake Oven or "sugar" cereals in childhood.)

          • ChessieNefercat

            No, no, they won't. They'll tell you how wonderful you were. When my daughter was first out on her own, she thought fruits, veggies, whole grains were too pricy and that she would have to eat junk. Then she told herself that "No, even when mom was dirt poor and had no money she always managed to feed us fresh fruit and veggies, and only ever whole grains and healthy food." So she started buying healthy food which turned out to be cheaper.

            I almost fainted when she told me this story. I set a good example? And my kid was paying attention? And she is grateful? And I made a difference in her life? And she voluntarily decided to be just like mom? (In select parts of her life, of course.)

            However, never getting a Lite-Brite is apparently a sore spot for her.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          I am suddenly very upset by this fact.

        • MissTaken

          Cap'n Crunch could be a woman. Why do you hate women cap'n troops?

          • CapnFatback

            Cap'n Crunch is most certainly not a woman. Only insecure man-boys would choose to be known by the cutesy title of Cap'n.

          • bagofmice

            I assume that your understanding of the colloquialism of "cap'n" is intended to represent an abbreviation of "capping", a term used by hardcore mothafookin gangstas to describe the process of delivering lead to unsuspecting customers.

        • pdiddycornchips

          There was a girl in some commercials but she was always trying to steal me lucky charms.

        • tessiee

          "but there aren't any female cereal mascots. Not one."

          What, Coco Krispies aren't named after Ice-T's wife?

      • Gunner Asch
        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          "which one?!"

          That cracked me up.

    • WhatTheHeck

      Its the white. frosted topping which gives them the willies.

      • Guppy

        You haven't met the right (i.e. "wrong") type, then.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Shut up and eat that Post crap, you big fucking baby.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    In other news, a chihuahua barked very angrily at a number of people walking by a plate glass window. The chihuahua issued a statement saying that it hoped the insolent swine had learned their lesson, and that any further aggression would elicit the strongest possible reaction.

    • emmelemm

      Have you been spying on my dog?

      • Jus_Wonderin

        Or mine???? I hope I had shorts on.

        • tessiee

          You're a small cute dog — who has a dog? does it stop there, or does the dog have a dog, and so forth, like those Russian dolls?

          • bagofmice

            Yo dawg, I heard you like a dog in a dog, so I put this dog out here to recurse upon itself.

    • Steverino247

      I have two dachshund bitches who do that shit. I'm having to be all "Bitch be cool" whenever some kid goes by on a skateboard or scooter. The postal worker? Them bitches be goin' postal on his ass.

      • MissTaken

        My parent's toy poodle is convinced he can kick the ass of the ice cream man.

        • SorosBot

          Can he come kick the ass of the one who comes by my apartment at some point between five and seven every fucking day, who has the really annoying tune? (the one with the quacks and the "hello" interjections I've told you about).

          • MissTaken

            No, he can't. Really, he can't do it. He's a toy poodle.

          • Steverino247

            So, wind him up real good or get some cool military accessories for him at Livermore Labs.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays carnival versions of Christmas hymns. Fucked up.

          • How much weed have you been smoking lately?

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I get that same reaction from everyone, but I have neighbors who can back up my story. And not Christmas carols. Hymns. Stuff you hear in church. Carnival version. Swear to baby Jesus that it's true.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            The truck that hits our neighborhood plays "I Wish I Was in Dixie" (among others, of course) and it's usually one of those brown-skinned folks drivin' it. Weird.

          • ChessieNefercat

            We have a carillon on our main street. I worked in the building next door to it for awhile. I remember the day it slowly bonged out "Way Down Upon the Swanee River", in a dignified and stately manner, during a raging blizzard. Very surrealistic.

            The carillon on the local university campus can bong its way through "The Rainbow Connection", of all things. I always hear the lyrics in my mind in Kermit's voice.

          • tessiee

            There's one near me that plays a chiming ice cream truck version of "fur elise". That alone makes me positive the driver is a serial killer.

          • I'll take a Melancholy Malt. Or not. Whatever.

          • The one in our neighborhood plays "Turkey in the Straw" VERY LOUDLY. There is a noise ordinance in the city. It's mainly used against drivers with car music systems playing loud rap music. I am certain it will apply in this case too.

          • MaxNeanderthal

            Probably the ghost of Richard Kuklinski….

        • My mom's chihuahua thought she could kick the ass of the German Shepherd living next door. Guess who won. I should say *late* chihuahua.

        • My Dad was so cheap, he told us the ice cream truck was the "fish wagon!"
          (True story.)

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      My dog is 120 lbs and can kick everyone's ass, although she doesn't.

    • tessiee

      I don't know if any of you guys are unemployed losers who watch daytime TV, but on one of the court shows, the plaintiff couple was walking their 80-lb pit bull on a leash. The defendant opened the front door of his house to get the mail out of the mailbox, and his 7-lb chihuahua ran out between his feet and attacked the pit bull. The judge had to find the guy guilty, but you could tell that even he thought it was an awesome story.

      • Jimmyone

        I have one of those 100lb pits, and he really is gentle and smart, knows how to open the garage doors, and will go for a ride with anyone willing to give him one. He just hasn't figured out there is a bad rap on his breed. He also has a 3lb tea cup chihuahua brother who thinks he is bigger than his bark.

  • Donohue could probably stand some more fibre in his diet. Luckily, Kelloggs makes Raisin Bran and Fiber Plus, which I'm told tastes nothing at all like cardboard. Much.

  • memzilla

    So if Jon Stewart would just come out in favor of pedophilia and gay-bashing, Donohue would re-endorse him, despite teh Jewness, right?

    I would call Donohue a vitriolic a**wiping toady, but that would be an insult to toilet paper and amphibians, with whom I have no beef.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My favorite cereal is grape nuts because it contains neither grapes nor nuts.

    • widestanceromance

      Mine is Cheerios, cuz it contains no cheer.

    • CapnFatback

      That is, unless you are a cereal teabagger.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I'm pro-Life. And also pro-Wheat Chex.

      • tessiee

        wheat chex is one of my favorites, but it pisses me off that it comes in a 12-oz box, whereas the no-good Rice and Corn chex come in 16-oz boxes. I mean, do they think we're not gonna notice?

    • Swampgas_Man

      I found out just last week how much Cracklin' Oat Bran you can eat before your butt hurts.

      • tessiee

        Would that be, "any"?

  • Fuck Kashi. I'm headin' down to the PIggly Wiggly for a box of Fruit Loops!

  • BarackMyWorld

    Strangely, I can't remember ever seeing any commercials for breakfast cereal during the Daily Show. Lots of booze ads, though.

    • He probably watches the 8AM re-broadcast.

      Yes. There really is an 8 AM

      • bagofmice

        There are numbers beyond six in the ante meridium? Shocking.

    • Geminisunmars

      You mean you haven't seen that commercial where a giant hawk swoops down and guzzles a bowl of cereal that has been moistened with a shot of Irish Whiskey?

      • Pennywhistler

        I have, but not on TV.

    • Yeah, they guy who always tells me how much cooler his leading premium tequila is than the other leading premium tequila. I liked him better in The Sopranos.

      • BarackMyWorld

        I thought the message of that ad was "drinking tequila will turn you into an asshole who sits around complaining about the state of the advertising business."

        Not sure what robot dogs racing has to do with vodka, either.

        • Pennywhistler

          EVERYTHING has SOMETHING to do with vodka.

  • stopthemovie

    Wow , who pissed in his cornflakes?

    • widestanceromance

      'Disgruntled' altar boys, for years, I hope.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Everyone knows that 80% of Kellogg's customer base is stoners eating fruit loops while watching the daily show.

    • Generation[redacted]

      And they are unable to stop laughing at vagina manger jokes, or uptight preachers getting mad about vagina manger jokes.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website

    Stupid Bill Donohue, don't you know that the Jews control the media?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      And when they're not doing that they're controlling the international banking system, slaughtering Christian babies to make matzos and murderizing Jeesus. Fucking bunch of over-achievers.

      • emmelemm

        You-know-what Libel!!

  • Rotundo_

    I never was a big fan of breakfast cereals (most are either pure sugar or something you'd feed to cattle) but I may have to re-evaluate. If consuming Sugar Frosted Flakes or Rice Krispies sends a big ol' FUCK YOU! to Bill, it is going to be a real challenge to stay away from the cereal aisle…

  • SheriffRoscoe

    We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions…

    Shove it, Christians!!!

    • bikerlaureate

      "In other words," no decent person could mistake that coarse sentiment.

      Or fail to notice that a slight against Donohue is obviously aimed at all Christians. Because he's such a humble embodiment of Jesus' teachings.

      It's a wonder lightning hasn't come down and flash-fried his ass.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm pretty sure that he Catholic church puts out Bill Donohue so that there is something even more outrageous than priest diddling alter boys.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Next up from Bill Donohue: Special K, the K is for Koran!

    • bikerlaureate

      Wait until he learns about Transubstanti-O's.

      • Sparky McGruff

        That's nothing compared to the Lesbi-O's or Honey-Nut Transvestite Crunch.

  • veritass

    I don't even like cereal but this asshole is going to force me to buy some. Sigh. The things I do to piss off religious people.

    • HistoriCat

      Can you donate cereal to food pantries or shelters? That way you could piss off religious people AND help the less fortunate.

      • Geminisunmars

        There you go being all liberally and compassionate and stuff. Plus, coming up with a win-win is pretty socialist too.

        • HistoriCat

          If I was a proper tea-bagging Republican I would realize that in order for someone to win everyone else has to lose.

          • Geminisunmars

            Yeah, something must be wrong with you.

      • You're gonna get the nuns in even more trouble! They haven't met their Hate Crimes Quota for the month and you're just advocating giving them more food to help people? The Vatican hates that!

  • widestanceromance

    Ped O' Flakes. For a healthy start to every boy's twisted life that ends in suicide.

  • Twat-waffles versus Tony the Tiger, huh? I'm sure Kelloggs is quaking in their flakes.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If Mary had only had state-funded birth control, none of this nonsense would be taking place right now. Oh wait — yes it would, since fictional characters usually get born no matter what the mother's circumstances. I'll still bet she fucked like a minx, though.

    • HogeyeGrex

      One can only imagine the sort of multiple orgasms getting boned by God Hisself would induce.

      Just sayin'

      • commiegirl

        Just ask St. Theresa.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        God had a bigger staff than Moses, for sure.

      • GhostBuggy

        Gives new meaning to the term, "burning bush."

    • Steverino247

      Yes, when the topic of "if you had one question for God, what would it be?" comes up, I always ask. "Hey, uh, God. Uh, Was Mary as "good" as everybody says she was?"

  • Local_Mojo

    What are the seminarians eating in the rectory?

    • Altar boys

    • widestanceromance

      Pope Corn?

    • HogeyeGrex

      There's a santorum joke in there somewhere, isn't there.

    • tessiee

      *giggles uncontrollably*
      You said "rectory".

  • Antispandex

    Geeze, and I didn't think anything could make me want to eat cereal!

  • Chichikovovich

    Does the Catholic League have any members besides Bill Donohue?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Dude, the Human League has more members than the Catholic League does.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I suspect not. I recall reading that Donohue is paid a very sweet six-figures a year for doing nothing more than being "outraged" all the time & defending child molesters.

      edit: Here's the source:

      $400,000 a year. Jesus Crispies! Look at that number again and weep.

      • Stevola

        Jesus Crispies! New from Kellogs!

    • A League of His Own

    • HistoriCat

      Not since his mom got fed up with his crap.

  • Somehow, I'm not thinking Post Cereals is going "Oh boy! This is going to be grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"

  • taylormattd

    Great, now my eyes are on fire.

  • MaxNeanderthal

    Battle Creek, Michigan? Is that twinned with Buttfuck, Idaho?

  • Bill Donohue is trying to give John Stewart Nuge-ies? Nuk, nuk, nuk, woo, woo, woo. Wait 'til the Three Stooges' estate sues his papally ass.

  • johnnymeatworth

    AWW SHIT! No more Rice Krispies Eucharist Treats!

  • Sorry Bill, but I'd fuck you in the ass, dry, for Chocolate Fudge Poptarts.

  • Chichikovovich

    If I'm the Kellogg's people, I'm thinking that perhaps the best strategy is to meet Donohue halfway. They will continue to advertise on the Daily Show, but they will also pay for a few minutes of ad time for Donohue to introduce himself, to say a bit about the things that make him damned mad, and then to tell people that while Jon Stewart may like Kellogg's cereals, he, Bill Donohue wants you to eat the cereals of their competitors. Then he can look into the camera with his best serious/condemnatory look and say: "Cereals other than Kellogg's: they're what people like me are going to eat!"

    I mean, it's only fair to give Donohue a chance to make his case.

    • George Spelvin

      While I must admire your cunning plan, I think that Kellogg's actual response ("go fuck yourself"" bless your heart") is nearly as effective, and less complex.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Oh, I bet Kelloggs is Quakering in their boots. Hell, they make so much profit off those grains they could just push the margin up a bit more…and problem solved if they Churchwads want to boycott. Boy? Cot? Hmmmmmm…….

    Geez, that entire store aisle is worth 500K when fully stocked.

    • Geminisunmars

      Whore flakes?

  • qwerty42

    I don't get it. Bill Donohue would seem to have an Irish name. But he seems so … delicate; such a sad, helpless victim on so many things. Not like this. But that was a different era.

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    Bams is gonna be my town tomorrow, fucking up all the traffic down at VCU.
    Shaka Smart will be hosting the rally at the Seigel Center. Because of him & Bams, many panties will be thrown.

  • Radiotherapy

    ….which is Wonkette for "go fuck yourself in the ass with a rusty chainsaw you skullfucked reta…um, mental midget."

  • C_R_Eature

    A Vagina Manger? Really.

    Dr. Harvey Kellogg Is Not Amused.

  • Boojum

    Vaginas: They are not just for breakfast anymore.

  • mavenmaven

    Yeah, right, Donahue, boycotting Tony the Tiger? You will have to pry sugar cereal from a teabagger's cold dead hands. That's the only thing they love more than guns.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      And Cheetos.

  • It's not like angry psychosis and professional scold BIll is going to stop US America corprats from their quest of giving everyone Diabeetus 2.

  • ttommyunger

    Boated, puffed-up blowhard or overpriced, puffed up sugar-coated cardboard? Decisions, decisions.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Sugar-coated edges out bile-coated by a pretty fair margin.

      • ttommyunger

        True enough.

    • tessiee

      The puffed rice is shot out of a gun, if that's of any help.

      • ttommyunger

        At the blowhard, hopefully.

  • ttommyunger

    OT: first time I ever fapped to a manger scene….most excellent!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Was it good for you too?

      • ttommyunger

        I find the expansive peter pouch in that pix exceptionally stimulating.

    • Geminisunmars

      Was it a religious experience?

      • ttommyunger

        I saw the face of Dog. Am also dyslexic, as well as perved-out.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      This is Wonkette. How is that off topic?

      • ttommyunger

        Sorry, lost my mind in the passion of the moment.

    • pdiddycornchips

      Better say two Hail Mary's and three Our Fathers

      • ttommyunger

        Hail Yeah!

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Does saying "Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Oh God. Oh Jesus. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! I'm coming!" count?

  • BklynIlluminati

    Pfffffft you'll get my Frosted Flakes from my cold dead hands fucker

  • Troglodeity

    If eating Frosted Mini-Wheats is wrong, I don't want to be right!

  • Robman2

    In the south, to add some flavor, bless your "little 'ole" heart, means the receiver is supine, and one will be picking gravel from between the teeth, and the folds of labinish or nether..

    Both Labinish and Nether are books from the lost word of God part of the Catechism.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    J'aime manger la vagin.

  • edgydrifter

    "This is just for starters." Starters? Who the fuck is this guy–Spanky McFarland from Our Gang? Nice Catholic education.

  • barto

    See it's OK to be all bigotty and shit but NEVER show a creche on crotch shot!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Wait, what cereal did Ted Kaczynski eat?

  • Naked_Bunny

    Donohue is just irritated because he can't figure out why Toucan Sam is always trying to find him.

  • dadanarchist

    Donahue is Breitbart without the cocaine, sense of mean-spirited humor, or readership.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      He's got the bloat, though.

    • horsedreamer_1

      He needs to rebrand himself & his organization as

  • Will Post counter with a third try on their miniature animal crackers cereal, but tighten the theme by limiting itself to Crèchey Critters? Really, with lots of sheep and ass who needs anything else?

  • Jus_Wonderin

    What's all the talk about Vagina Managers? If Microsoft wants to give us more functionality and control over our applications, well I am all for it.

    Huh, what? Vagina Mangers? Well, uh, nevermind…………………….

    • bagofmice

      The VMware market is getting kind of crowded.

  • Steverino247

    Vaginas? They're GRRRREAT!

  • rickmaci

    Jeebuz, talked about misplaced outrage. Why can't the guy work up this much angst over boy-diddling priests? Why do I think this is just faux rage intended to divert attention from the ongoing cover up of misconduct by priests?

  • Arishii

    Great pairing article, also out today:

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I HATE IT when that happens!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Do you want to know how much the Catholic League sucks? Well let me tell you, they suck worse than Gerry Conway's pre-Crisis Justice League, the incredibly lame one where they were based in Detroit and had lame characters like Vibe and Gypsy if Jerry Conway's pre-Crisis Justice League, the one where they were based in Detroit and had incredibly lame characters like Vibe and Gypsy, had been pencilled and inked by Rob Liefeld.

    P.S. If you're a woman and you get this joke I would like to marry you.

    P.P.S. If you're a guy and you get this joke, well hey, gay marriage is legal in Washington.

    • Only the lamest of the lame bother collecting DC's. Don't even come over to my basement with a box of that crap for a swap-meet. Avengers Assemble!! Excelsior!

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Dude, you want to take about lamest of the lame? Well I have two words for you. "Clone Saga". Oh, and it's not your basement, it's your Mom's basement! So there!

        P.S. You did get the joke though, you uh, doing anything this evening?

        • toaster_pastry

          While you two were fighting, I was busy getting laid.

        • My comics era was 1965-1980, so I only know from the original death of Gwen Stacey. From my goddamned old man perspective, it's amazing how "respectable" all that shit is now.

    • I've looked at that Rob Liefeld post before. He came along long after I stopped collecting. My God, I can't believe major corporations paid big bucks for that kind of sub-amateur garbage! I would have been ashamed to draw that badly on the back of a notebook in High School.

  • ElPinche

    "Oh. No. Stop. Don’t."

    I read that as Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.

    • commiegirl

      Funny, because that's how I wrote it!

      • ElPinche

        I knew it.

    • Thurman Munster IV

      And there goes Augustus Gloop

  • Not_So_Much

    Not only am I going to buy some Kellogg's Kardboard cereal, I'm-a chew that crap with my mouth open. Take that Bill Donohue!

  • PandoraLaura

    I feel so proud to be eating Kellog's Rice Crispies as I read this!

  • chascates

    This is the problem with religions: since they're based on 'faith' the adherents are free to make up whatever they think their deity would desire. You can be a liberal, easy-going United Methodist, a pacifist, activist Quaker, a money-oriented Episcopalian, or a completely insane fundamentalist (Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Jewish, etc.) who believes everyone else in their religion as well as other ones is hell-bound heretical trash.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'll never forget riding, as a child, in the backseat of a car with my grandmother. My grandmother's brother was driving & her sister-in-law was in the passenger's seat. Grandma & sister-in-law got into an argument about whether or not the Bible actually says that there will be a "rapture". Sister-in-law said yes. Grandma said no. This argument last for, like, 20-frickin' miles. Meanwhile my great-uncle just gripped the steering wheel, said not one word, & had this look on face that said: "I'm staying out of this mess."

      I relate this story in response to your comment because I think most religious people want to believe they are right. They want to believe that they now have answers to all their existential questions.
      It would be nice if more people could simply conclude: "Who knows? I don't & most people don't know, either. And that's okay."

      • LetUsBray

        As a militant agnostic, let me just say: I don't know, and neither do you!

  • Callyson

    This business gives the term "pussy power" a whole new meaning.

  • pdiddycornchips

    If you think he's mad now, just wait until he hears about Fruit Loops.

  • Thurman Munster IV

    As long as we never run out of Honey Nut Cheerios

    /s/ Omar

  • Douché

    I'm actually eating Frosted Flakes right now. Crunch, crunch, yawn….

  • user-of-owls

    Hey you stupid fuckin' Mick papist, you really think you've got a chance? Get the spuds outta you ass…Crunch and Chocula? They're Jew names too.

  • comrad_darkness

    Like Stewart isn't one of the most polite interviewers on television. I suppose full on vile crazy but spouting right wing platitudes totally flies with this guy. What am I saying? Of course it does.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    OK, here's my idea: we tell Orly Taitz that Bill Donohue forged Barack Obama's long-form birth certificate. Then we tell Bill Donohue that Orly Taitz is really a transsexual who likes to mock Catholicism by dressing up as a nun to dispense contraceptives and perform abortions. Then we let John Hinckley Jr. out of the idiot bin and tell him that Jodie Foster will totally go all the way with him if he whacks the both of them.

    • tessiee

      This is like one of those caper movies where the guy robs a jewelry store that's a mob front, so the jewelry store owners AND the mob AND the cops are all after him!

    • George Spelvin

      I like the way you think.

      Which should be, I suppose, scary to my neighbors.

  • The Republicans overplayed their hand on these "silent majority" type groups way too many times and everyone knows they are a couple of dozen morons with anger issues at most.

  • tessiee

    "Oh. No. Stop. Don’t."

    Sarcastic Willie Wonka is made of awesome.

  • tessiee

    In retaliation, Jon Stewart's rabbi is tattling to Bill Donohue's sponsors about that one time that Bill ate a ham sangwich on a bagel.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Don't worry: the company will weather the storm as Anthony Hopkins's bowel is immaculate.

  • Sassomatic

    The stoners of America will now flock to Kellogg's cereals, sending Post into a frenzy to compete, thereby igniting the Great Cereal War of 2012. Whichever one thinks of ice-cream filled frosted mini-wheats first will prevail.

  • tessiee

    Didn't any of you guys have French in high school?
    [oh, for god's sake, I meant the LANGUAGE, you bunch of perverts!]
    Vagina Manger is pronounced "vagina man-gzhay" and it means, "eat vagina", so…
    Wait, Bill Donohue would probably like that even less.

  • lulzmonger

    It's funny, because Kellogg was an uptight conservative motherfucker who scientifically formulated his breakfast noms with the primary goal of preventing kids from jerking off.

    Also, boycotts = the potato-masher grenade of LIBERAL FASCISM!!!!!!!

  • George Spelvin

    Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!”

    Who knew that our Editrix was such a cunning linguist?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      "Well bless your heart." Our Editrix translated that pretty well.
      Another one I always heard growing up was "Well, isn't he (or she) a sight!" Meaning: "What a fuckin' embarrassment they are to present themselves in public like that!"
      That one worked well whether you were referring to how they dressed or to their politics.

      • “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,”

        Oh this is so true. Also so above replies. "Bless his heart" can also mean "What a fucking moron" as well as numerous other insults. Of course it can also just mean "Bless his heart." My transplanted Yankee sister-in-law hates it :-)

        On of my favorite insults is "I LOVE your (dress, hairstyle, pair of shoes, etc.) I had one just like that…..years ago."

  • LetUsBray

    I had to stop on the way home to pick up a new box of raisin bran, as I am at the age where my number one criterion in choosing breakfast food is whether it helps me poop. I am now really happy that I bought the Kellogg's version (which is exactly like the others, but today it happened to be the cheapest).

    Still, I would have thought Mr. Catholic League would be all in favor of anything that limbers up the ol' back door, also known as the "Priest's Entrance".

  • Stevola

    You never go full Nuge

  • Smithboy

    In that 99% of Americans never heard of Bill Donahue and therefore don't follow his commandments, I think Kellogg is on pretty safe ground saying to this self styled puritan….We'll pass on the boycoott.

  • beowulf2100

    Bill is clearly intellecually and emotionally constipated. I recommend the Activia Challenge. It tastes great, promotes regularity, and is a true friend to all colons!

  • vodkamuppet

    Oh yeah, Battle Creak(ites?) will totally boycot their largest employer. Solid plan Bill, can't miss. While you're at it, why not get Detroit to boycot the big 3?

Previous articleLame Details From Inside The Lame Courtship Of Michael Bloomberg’s Endorsement
Next articleNew Poll: Majority of North Carolina Voters More Idiotic Than Previously Thought