TOUCAN SAM SAYS GO FUCK YOURSELF  4:55 pm May 4, 2012

Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Muffer MaryThe Catholic League’s Bill Donohue is none-too-pleased with the Kellogg’s family of cereals, as it unaccountably refused to yield to his demands that it immediately stop advertising on the Jonathan Stewartsky Half-Hour Jew Hour That Hates Goys Full-Time. Oooooh, what’d Kellogg’s say to Bill Donohue? Did they tell him to get fucked? Yes. Yes they did.

“We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions to choose the television programs that they deem acceptable for themselves and their families. Consumers speak most loudly when they vote with their remote control and change the channel or turn off the TV if a program does not fit their personal criteria.”

Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!”

And don’t think Bill Donohue doesn’t know exactly what he just heard! He’s so mad he’s about to go full-Nuge!

THIS SHALL NOT STAND!

In other words, Kellogg’s is telling Christians to shove it. But they made a mistake. We will now send the indefensible picture to their senior management and board, as well as to community leaders, religious and secular, throughout Battle Creek, Michigan. We are also calling for a national boycott of all Kellogg’s cereals. Moreover, I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website about their collapse of decency. This is just for starters. We have the time, money, and the determination to give Kellogg’s some free advertisement.

Oh. No. Stop. Don’t.

It is weird, it almost seems as if big corporations are no longer running scared from and doing the bidding of folks like Bill Donohue and the One Million Moms! (Forty-seven. They are 47 moms, with a really intense interest in lesbianism.)

Anyway, looks like Kellogg’s will have Bill Donohue to thank when all the hippies decide to finally let their uncombed spawn eat Frosted Flakes and Honey Smacks instead of puffed rice and tofu cereal. Or maybe they’ll be inspired by Kellogg’s next variety: Fruit of the Womb.

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 230 comments }

nounverb911 May 4, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Bill Donohue got diddled by the parish priest one time too many when he was an alter boy.

freddymcmurray May 4, 2012 at 6:45 pm

altar, but i like your version better

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Cornflakes is MUSLIN!

Blueb4sunrise May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Nah, iz Meusli.

Pennywhistler May 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Well, they also sell Cotton Flakes down South and Flannel Flakes in New England.

James Michael Curley May 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm

WTF is that picture behind him?

teebob2000 May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

A vagina constructed from corn flakes. C'mon, what else would it be???

memzilla May 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Sugar Frosted Vajayjays! Betcha can't eat just one!

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Step aside, sir, I need no sugar frosting to get MY fill!

iburl May 4, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Super Sugar Snatch
Count Snizzula
Cinnamon Toast C**t

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Frosted Fress
Cracklickin' Oat Bran

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

It's a vagina manger (technically, a creche) that Donohue had already objected to.

WIDTAP May 4, 2012 at 5:51 pm

A crotch creche, perhaps?

Chet Kincaid May 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm

A Vagina Manager? I thought that was an entry level Male Elder in the Mormon Church.

Joshua Norton May 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website about their collapse of decency.

Man this guy is just plain dumb. I'm talking "Mice and Men" dumb.

MaxNeanderthal May 4, 2012 at 5:14 pm

….or Jethro Clampett?

neiltheblaze May 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

That's Jethro Bodine. It's very important to make these distinctions. Code of the hills and all that stuff.

pdiddycornchips May 4, 2012 at 7:27 pm

So he's going on Fox and Friends and Limbaugh to whine like a bitch again?

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm

"War on [insert fucking stupidness that not even Billo will care much about]"

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 9:01 pm

I'm waiting for the War on Easter. It didn't come this year. Maybe next year?

ChessieNefercat May 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm

This year was a leap year, therefore no war on Easter.

kingofmeh May 4, 2012 at 10:02 pm

ooh, maybe he can buy some airtime during "keeping up with the kardashians" to explain to the public about the concept of decency.

Exhausted66 May 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Serial rapists: good
Cereal: bad.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

What about cereal rapists?

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

STOP JUDGING ME! I paid my debt to society…

Darthhippy May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

But you never repaid the count.

HogeyeGrex May 4, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I think Frankenberry got his $5 worth, though.

SexySmurf May 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I was going to make a joke about a random female cereal mascot asking for it, but there aren't any female cereal mascots. Not one. There's your War on Women.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Krackle looks gay. Will that suffice?

Also, Tony was married, at least in 1971. Rumour has it he divorced Mrs Tony and married a younger hotter jaguar

SexySmurf May 4, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Couldn't they make that frog on the Honey Smacks box a chick? The cereal already looks like tiny vaginas.

Fare la Volpe May 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Now Mrs. Tony is such a cougar.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

"married a younger hotter jaguar"

Actually, he *drives* a jaguar, but married a sophisticated and sexy older cougar.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

"Rumour has it he divorced Mrs Tony"

Can't really blame him. I hear she was a cheetah.

Sparky McGruff May 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Upon occasion, there's a "Cinderella Crunch" or "Dora's Nuggets" some other dreck mixed in the cereal aisle. And, there's lots of Dora and Princess fruit snacks right next to the cereal as well. I know this because my girls beg me to buy an overpriced box of said sugary crap. That's when I say "no" and grab a giant bag of the cheap stuff instead.

That's because I'm a horrible dad. They'll tell their therapists that their dad didn't love them, because he wouldn't shell out for the box with the licensed characters on it.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

The wife goes to Target and gets $75 worth of whatever for $45 (sometimes better, sometimes worse) and she says the clerks always give her the stink eye and act bitchy because she has so many coupons and calls them on it when they screw up the checkout. Just wrote this to tell you: Good job, teach kids frugality, because no one else will.

DemmeFatale May 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

Welcome to the club.
My girls (21 and 25), STILL have not forgiven me for not buying them salt-laden Lunchables.
(To be fair, I still hold a grudge about no EZ-Bake Oven or "sugar" cereals in childhood.)

ChessieNefercat May 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm

No, no, they won't. They'll tell you how wonderful you were. When my daughter was first out on her own, she thought fruits, veggies, whole grains were too pricy and that she would have to eat junk. Then she told herself that "No, even when mom was dirt poor and had no money she always managed to feed us fresh fruit and veggies, and only ever whole grains and healthy food." So she started buying healthy food which turned out to be cheaper.

I almost fainted when she told me this story. I set a good example? And my kid was paying attention? And she is grateful? And I made a difference in her life? And she voluntarily decided to be just like mom? (In select parts of her life, of course.)

However, never getting a Lite-Brite is apparently a sore spot for her.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I am suddenly very upset by this fact.

MissTaken May 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Cap'n Crunch could be a woman. Why do you hate women cap'n troops?

CapnFatback May 4, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Cap'n Crunch is most certainly not a woman. Only insecure man-boys would choose to be known by the cutesy title of Cap'n.

pdiddycornchips May 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

There was a girl in some commercials but she was always trying to steal me lucky charms.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:42 pm

"but there aren't any female cereal mascots. Not one."

What, Coco Krispies aren't named after Ice-T's wife?

Gunner Asch May 4, 2012 at 7:01 pm
BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

"which one?!"

That cracked me up.

WhatTheHeck May 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Its the white. frosted topping which gives them the willies.

Guppy May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

You haven't met the right (i.e. "wrong") type, then.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Shut up and eat that Post crap, you big fucking baby.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 4, 2012 at 5:03 pm

In other news, a chihuahua barked very angrily at a number of people walking by a plate glass window. The chihuahua issued a statement saying that it hoped the insolent swine had learned their lesson, and that any further aggression would elicit the strongest possible reaction.

emmelemm May 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Have you been spying on my dog?

Jus_Wonderin May 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Or mine???? I hope I had shorts on.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:46 pm

You're a small cute dog — who has a dog? does it stop there, or does the dog have a dog, and so forth, like those Russian dolls?

bagofmice May 4, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Yo dawg, I heard you like a dog in a dog, so I put this dog out here to recurse upon itself.

Steverino247 May 4, 2012 at 6:18 pm

I have two dachshund bitches who do that shit. I'm having to be all "Bitch be cool" whenever some kid goes by on a skateboard or scooter. The postal worker? Them bitches be goin' postal on his ass.

MissTaken May 4, 2012 at 6:20 pm

My parent's toy poodle is convinced he can kick the ass of the ice cream man.

SorosBot May 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Can he come kick the ass of the one who comes by my apartment at some point between five and seven every fucking day, who has the really annoying tune? (the one with the quacks and the "hello" interjections I've told you about).

MissTaken May 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

No, he can't. Really, he can't do it. He's a toy poodle.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 8:04 pm

The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays carnival versions of Christmas hymns. Fucked up.

BelleSC May 5, 2012 at 8:00 am

My mom's chihuahua thought she could kick the ass of the German Shepherd living next door. Guess who won. I should say *late* chihuahua.

DemmeFatale May 5, 2012 at 10:16 am

My Dad was so cheap, he told us the ice cream truck was the "fish wagon!"
(True story.)

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 8:05 pm

My dog is 120 lbs and can kick everyone's ass, although she doesn't.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I don't know if any of you guys are unemployed losers who watch daytime TV, but on one of the court shows, the plaintiff couple was walking their 80-lb pit bull on a leash. The defendant opened the front door of his house to get the mail out of the mailbox, and his 7-lb chihuahua ran out between his feet and attacked the pit bull. The judge had to find the guy guilty, but you could tell that even he thought it was an awesome story.

Jimmyone May 5, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I have one of those 100lb pits, and he really is gentle and smart, knows how to open the garage doors, and will go for a ride with anyone willing to give him one. He just hasn't figured out there is a bad rap on his breed. He also has a 3lb tea cup chihuahua brother who thinks he is bigger than his bark.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Donohue could probably stand some more fibre in his diet. Luckily, Kelloggs makes Raisin Bran and Fiber Plus, which I'm told tastes nothing at all like cardboard. Much.

memzilla May 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

So if Jon Stewart would just come out in favor of pedophilia and gay-bashing, Donohue would re-endorse him, despite teh Jewness, right?

I would call Donohue a vitriolic a**wiping toady, but that would be an insult to toilet paper and amphibians, with whom I have no beef.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

My favorite cereal is grape nuts because it contains neither grapes nor nuts.

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Mine is Cheerios, cuz it contains no cheer.

CapnFatback May 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That is, unless you are a cereal teabagger.

Lascauxcaveman May 4, 2012 at 5:49 pm

I'm pro-Life. And also pro-Wheat Chex.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:50 pm

wheat chex is one of my favorites, but it pisses me off that it comes in a 12-oz box, whereas the no-good Rice and Corn chex come in 16-oz boxes. I mean, do they think we're not gonna notice?

Swampgas_Man May 4, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I found out just last week how much Cracklin' Oat Bran you can eat before your butt hurts.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Would that be, "any"?

Clancy_Pants May 4, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Fuck Kashi. I'm headin' down to the PIggly Wiggly for a box of Fruit Loops!

BarackMyWorld May 4, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Strangely, I can't remember ever seeing any commercials for breakfast cereal during the Daily Show. Lots of booze ads, though.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

He probably watches the 8AM re-broadcast.

Yes. There really is an 8 AM

bagofmice May 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

There are numbers beyond six in the ante meridium? Shocking.

Geminisunmars May 4, 2012 at 6:03 pm

You mean you haven't seen that commercial where a giant hawk swoops down and guzzles a bowl of cereal that has been moistened with a shot of Irish Whiskey?

Pennywhistler May 5, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I have, but not on TV.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Yeah, they guy who always tells me how much cooler his leading premium tequila is than the other leading premium tequila. I liked him better in The Sopranos.

BarackMyWorld May 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm

I thought the message of that ad was "drinking tequila will turn you into an asshole who sits around complaining about the state of the advertising business."

Not sure what robot dogs racing has to do with vodka, either.

Pennywhistler May 5, 2012 at 8:06 pm

EVERYTHING has SOMETHING to do with vodka.

stopthemovie May 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Wow , who pissed in his cornflakes?

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

'Disgruntled' altar boys, for years, I hope.

FlownOver May 4, 2012 at 6:34 pm

All of us, Katie.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Everyone knows that 80% of Kellogg's customer base is stoners eating fruit loops while watching the daily show.

Generation[redacted] May 4, 2012 at 5:34 pm

And they are unable to stop laughing at vagina manger jokes, or uptight preachers getting mad about vagina manger jokes.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 4, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I will notify the public via TV, radio and our website

Stupid Bill Donohue, don't you know that the Jews control the media?

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 6:10 pm

And when they're not doing that they're controlling the international banking system, slaughtering Christian babies to make matzos and murderizing Jeesus. Fucking bunch of over-achievers.

emmelemm May 4, 2012 at 6:19 pm

You-know-what Libel!!

Rotundo_ May 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

I never was a big fan of breakfast cereals (most are either pure sugar or something you'd feed to cattle) but I may have to re-evaluate. If consuming Sugar Frosted Flakes or Rice Krispies sends a big ol' FUCK YOU! to Bill, it is going to be a real challenge to stay away from the cereal aisle…

SheriffRoscoe May 4, 2012 at 5:08 pm

We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions…

Shove it, Christians!!!

bikerlaureate May 4, 2012 at 5:26 pm

"In other words," no decent person could mistake that coarse sentiment.

Or fail to notice that a slight against Donohue is obviously aimed at all Christians. Because he's such a humble embodiment of Jesus' teachings.

It's a wonder lightning hasn't come down and flash-fried his ass.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm pretty sure that he Catholic church puts out Bill Donohue so that there is something even more outrageous than priest diddling alter boys.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 4, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Next up from Bill Donohue: Special K, the K is for Koran!

bikerlaureate May 4, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Wait until he learns about Transubstanti-O's.

Sparky McGruff May 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm

That's nothing compared to the Lesbi-O's or Honey-Nut Transvestite Crunch.

veritass May 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I don't even like cereal but this asshole is going to force me to buy some. Sigh. The things I do to piss off religious people.

HistoriCat May 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Can you donate cereal to food pantries or shelters? That way you could piss off religious people AND help the less fortunate.

Geminisunmars May 4, 2012 at 6:26 pm

There you go being all liberally and compassionate and stuff. Plus, coming up with a win-win is pretty socialist too.

HistoriCat May 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm

If I was a proper tea-bagging Republican I would realize that in order for someone to win everyone else has to lose.

Geminisunmars May 4, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Yeah, something must be wrong with you.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

You're gonna get the nuns in even more trouble! They haven't met their Hate Crimes Quota for the month and you're just advocating giving them more food to help people? The Vatican hates that!

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Ped O' Flakes. For a healthy start to every boy's twisted life that ends in suicide.

Jeri 2.0 May 4, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Twat-waffles versus Tony the Tiger, huh? I'm sure Kelloggs is quaking in their flakes.

SayItWithWookies May 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

If Mary had only had state-funded birth control, none of this nonsense would be taking place right now. Oh wait — yes it would, since fictional characters usually get born no matter what the mother's circumstances. I'll still bet she fucked like a minx, though.

HogeyeGrex May 4, 2012 at 6:08 pm

One can only imagine the sort of multiple orgasms getting boned by God Hisself would induce.

Just sayin'

commiegirl May 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Just ask St. Theresa.

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 9:24 pm

God had a bigger staff than Moses, for sure.

GhostBuggy May 4, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Gives new meaning to the term, "burning bush."

Steverino247 May 4, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Yes, when the topic of "if you had one question for God, what would it be?" comes up, I always ask. "Hey, uh, God. Uh, Was Mary as "good" as everybody says she was?"

Local_Mojo May 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

What are the seminarians eating in the rectory?

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Altar boys

widestanceromance May 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Pope Corn?

HogeyeGrex May 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

There's a santorum joke in there somewhere, isn't there.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:53 pm

*giggles uncontrollably*
You said "rectory".

Antispandex May 4, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Geeze, and I didn't think anything could make me want to eat cereal!

Chichikovovich May 4, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Does the Catholic League have any members besides Bill Donohue?

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Dude, the Human League has more members than the Catholic League does.

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I suspect not. I recall reading that Donohue is paid a very sweet six-figures a year for doing nothing more than being "outraged" all the time & defending child molesters.

edit: Here's the source: http://anticatholicleague.typepad.com/anticatholi

$400,000 a year. Jesus Crispies! Look at that number again and weep.

Stevola May 5, 2012 at 12:59 am

Jesus Crispies! New from Kellogs!

FlownOver May 4, 2012 at 8:10 pm

A League of His Own

HistoriCat May 4, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Not since his mom got fed up with his crap.

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Somehow, I'm not thinking Post Cereals is going "Oh boy! This is going to be grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!"

taylormattd May 4, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Great, now my eyes are on fire.

MaxNeanderthal May 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Battle Creek, Michigan? Is that twinned with Buttfuck, Idaho?

weejee May 4, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Bill Donohue is trying to give John Stewart Nuge-ies? Nuk, nuk, nuk, woo, woo, woo. Wait 'til the Three Stooges' estate sues his papally ass.

johnnymeatworth May 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

AWW SHIT! No more Rice Krispies Eucharist Treats!

actor212 May 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Made with Jesusmallow

ChurchofRealism May 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Sorry Bill, but I'd fuck you in the ass, dry, for Chocolate Fudge Poptarts.

Chichikovovich May 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

If I'm the Kellogg's people, I'm thinking that perhaps the best strategy is to meet Donohue halfway. They will continue to advertise on the Daily Show, but they will also pay for a few minutes of ad time for Donohue to introduce himself, to say a bit about the things that make him damned mad, and then to tell people that while Jon Stewart may like Kellogg's cereals, he, Bill Donohue wants you to eat the cereals of their competitors. Then he can look into the camera with his best serious/condemnatory look and say: "Cereals other than Kellogg's: they're what people like me are going to eat!"

I mean, it's only fair to give Donohue a chance to make his case.

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:30 pm

While I must admire your cunning plan, I think that Kellogg's actual response ("go fuck yourself"" bless your heart") is nearly as effective, and less complex.

Jus_Wonderin May 4, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Oh, I bet Kelloggs is Quakering in their boots. Hell, they make so much profit off those grains they could just push the margin up a bit more…and problem solved if they Churchwads want to boycott. Boy? Cot? Hmmmmmm…….

Geez, that entire store aisle is worth 500K when fully stocked.

Geminisunmars May 4, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Whore flakes?

qwerty42 May 4, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I don't get it. Bill Donohue would seem to have an Irish name. But he seems so … delicate; such a sad, helpless victim on so many things. Not like this. But that was a different era.

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 5:29 pm

OT:
Bams is gonna be my town tomorrow, fucking up all the traffic down at VCU.
Shaka Smart will be hosting the rally at the Seigel Center. Because of him & Bams, many panties will be thrown.

trampndirtdown May 4, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Is Shaka still welcome after the Illinois decision?

Radiotherapy May 4, 2012 at 5:30 pm

….which is Wonkette for "go fuck yourself in the ass with a rusty chainsaw you skullfucked reta…um, mental midget."

C_R_Eature May 4, 2012 at 5:31 pm

A Vagina Manger? Really.

Dr. Harvey Kellogg Is Not Amused.

Boojum May 4, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Vaginas: They are not just for breakfast anymore.

mavenmaven May 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Yeah, right, Donahue, boycotting Tony the Tiger? You will have to pry sugar cereal from a teabagger's cold dead hands. That's the only thing they love more than guns.

Texan_Bulldog May 4, 2012 at 6:03 pm

And Cheetos.

ManchuCandidate May 4, 2012 at 5:33 pm

It's not like angry psychosis and professional scold BIll is going to stop US America corprats from their quest of giving everyone Diabeetus 2.

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Boated, puffed-up blowhard or overpriced, puffed up sugar-coated cardboard? Decisions, decisions.

HogeyeGrex May 4, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Sugar-coated edges out bile-coated by a pretty fair margin.

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 8:00 pm

True enough.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:54 pm

The puffed rice is shot out of a gun, if that's of any help.

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 10:19 pm

At the blowhard, hopefully.

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 5:37 pm

OT: first time I ever fapped to a manger scene….most excellent!

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Was it good for you too?

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I find the expansive peter pouch in that pix exceptionally stimulating.

Geminisunmars May 4, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Was it a religious experience?

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I saw the face of Dog. Am also dyslexic, as well as perved-out.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 4, 2012 at 7:11 pm

This is Wonkette. How is that off topic?

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Sorry, lost my mind in the passion of the moment.

pdiddycornchips May 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Better say two Hail Mary's and three Our Fathers

ttommyunger May 4, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Hail Yeah!

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Does saying "Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus. Oh God. Oh Jesus. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! I'm coming!" count?

BklynIlluminati May 4, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Pfffffft you'll get my Frosted Flakes from my cold dead hands fucker

Troglodeity May 4, 2012 at 5:38 pm

If eating Frosted Mini-Wheats is wrong, I don't want to be right!

Robman2 May 4, 2012 at 5:40 pm

In the south, to add some flavor, bless your "little 'ole" heart, means the receiver is supine, and one will be picking gravel from between the teeth, and the folds of labinish or nether..

Both Labinish and Nether are books from the lost word of God part of the Catechism.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm

J'aime manger la vagin.

edgydrifter May 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm

"This is just for starters." Starters? Who the fuck is this guy–Spanky McFarland from Our Gang? Nice Catholic education.

barto May 4, 2012 at 5:43 pm

See it's OK to be all bigotty and shit but NEVER show a creche on crotch shot!

Blueb4sunrise May 4, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Wait, what cereal did Ted Kaczynski eat?

smokefilledroommate May 4, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I would guess Post Toasties.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Post-apocalyptic toasties.

not that Dewey May 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm

According to the Flaming Lips, bombs are coming in cereal packages. So just about any kind would do.

user-of-owls May 4, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Ming the Merciless?

Naked_Bunny May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Donohue is just irritated because he can't figure out why Toucan Sam is always trying to find him.

dadanarchist May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Donahue is Breitbart without the cocaine, sense of mean-spirited humor, or readership.

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 6:38 pm

He's got the bloat, though.

horsedreamer_1 May 4, 2012 at 8:39 pm

He needs to rebrand himself & his organization as BigMitre.com.

weejee May 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Will Post counter with a third try on their miniature animal crackers cereal, but tighten the theme by limiting itself to Crèchey Critters? Really, with lots of sheep and ass who needs anything else?

Jus_Wonderin May 4, 2012 at 6:07 pm

What's all the talk about Vagina Managers? If Microsoft wants to give us more functionality and control over our applications, well I am all for it.

Huh, what? Vagina Mangers? Well, uh, nevermind…………………….

bagofmice May 5, 2012 at 8:35 am

The VMware market is getting kind of crowded.

Steverino247 May 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Vaginas? They're GRRRREAT!

rickmaci May 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Jeebuz, talked about misplaced outrage. Why can't the guy work up this much angst over boy-diddling priests? Why do I think this is just faux rage intended to divert attention from the ongoing cover up of misconduct by priests?

Arishii May 4, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Great pairing article, also out today: http://www.newser.com/story/143238/priest-flashes

Dudleydidwrong May 4, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I HATE IT when that happens!

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Do you want to know how much the Catholic League sucks? Well let me tell you, they suck worse than Gerry Conway's pre-Crisis Justice League, the incredibly lame one where they were based in Detroit and had lame characters like Vibe and Gypsy if Jerry Conway's pre-Crisis Justice League, the one where they were based in Detroit and had incredibly lame characters like Vibe and Gypsy, had been pencilled and inked by Rob Liefeld.

P.S. If you're a woman and you get this joke I would like to marry you.

P.P.S. If you're a guy and you get this joke, well hey, gay marriage is legal in Washington.

Chet Kincaid May 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Only the lamest of the lame bother collecting DC's. Don't even come over to my basement with a box of that crap for a swap-meet. Avengers Assemble!! Excelsior!

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm

Dude, you want to take about lamest of the lame? Well I have two words for you. "Clone Saga". Oh, and it's not your basement, it's your Mom's basement! So there!

P.S. You did get the joke though, you uh, doing anything this evening?

toaster_pastry May 4, 2012 at 8:11 pm

While you two were fighting, I was busy getting laid.

Chet Kincaid May 5, 2012 at 12:15 am

My comics era was 1965-1980, so I only know from the original death of Gwen Stacey. From my goddamned old man perspective, it's amazing how "respectable" all that shit is now.

Chet Kincaid May 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

I've looked at that Rob Liefeld post before. He came along long after I stopped collecting. My God, I can't believe major corporations paid big bucks for that kind of sub-amateur garbage! I would have been ashamed to draw that badly on the back of a notebook in High School.

ElPinche May 4, 2012 at 6:35 pm

"Oh. No. Stop. Don’t."

I read that as Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.

commiegirl May 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Funny, because that's how I wrote it!

ElPinche May 4, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I knew it.

Thurman Munster IV May 4, 2012 at 7:11 pm

And there goes Augustus Gloop

Not_So_Much May 4, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Not only am I going to buy some Kellogg's Kardboard cereal, I'm-a chew that crap with my mouth open. Take that Bill Donohue!

PandoraLaura May 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I feel so proud to be eating Kellog's Rice Crispies as I read this!

trampndirtdown May 4, 2012 at 11:07 pm

+1

chascates May 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm

This is the problem with religions: since they're based on 'faith' the adherents are free to make up whatever they think their deity would desire. You can be a liberal, easy-going United Methodist, a pacifist, activist Quaker, a money-oriented Episcopalian, or a completely insane fundamentalist (Catholic, Protestant, Muslim, Jewish, etc.) who believes everyone else in their religion as well as other ones is hell-bound heretical trash.

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I'll never forget riding, as a child, in the backseat of a car with my grandmother. My grandmother's brother was driving & her sister-in-law was in the passenger's seat. Grandma & sister-in-law got into an argument about whether or not the Bible actually says that there will be a "rapture". Sister-in-law said yes. Grandma said no. This argument last for, like, 20-frickin' miles. Meanwhile my great-uncle just gripped the steering wheel, said not one word, & had this look on face that said: "I'm staying out of this mess."

I relate this story in response to your comment because I think most religious people want to believe they are right. They want to believe that they now have answers to all their existential questions.
It would be nice if more people could simply conclude: "Who knows? I don't & most people don't know, either. And that's okay."

LetUsBray May 4, 2012 at 10:48 pm

As a militant agnostic, let me just say: I don't know, and neither do you!

Callyson May 4, 2012 at 7:10 pm

This business gives the term "pussy power" a whole new meaning.

pdiddycornchips May 4, 2012 at 7:11 pm

If you think he's mad now, just wait until he hears about Fruit Loops.

Thurman Munster IV May 4, 2012 at 7:12 pm

As long as we never run out of Honey Nut Cheerios

/s/ Omar

Douché May 4, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I'm actually eating Frosted Flakes right now. Crunch, crunch, yawn….

user-of-owls May 4, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Hey you stupid fuckin' Mick papist, you really think you've got a chance? Get the spuds outta you ass…Crunch and Chocula? They're Jew names too.

comrad_darkness May 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Like Stewart isn't one of the most polite interviewers on television. I suppose full on vile crazy but spouting right wing platitudes totally flies with this guy. What am I saying? Of course it does.

Wile E. Quixote May 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm

OK, here's my idea: we tell Orly Taitz that Bill Donohue forged Barack Obama's long-form birth certificate. Then we tell Bill Donohue that Orly Taitz is really a transsexual who likes to mock Catholicism by dressing up as a nun to dispense contraceptives and perform abortions. Then we let John Hinckley Jr. out of the idiot bin and tell him that Jodie Foster will totally go all the way with him if he whacks the both of them.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

Ooh!
This is like one of those caper movies where the guy robs a jewelry store that's a mob front, so the jewelry store owners AND the mob AND the cops are all after him!

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I like the way you think.

Which should be, I suppose, scary to my neighbors.

glamourdammerung May 4, 2012 at 8:17 pm

The Republicans overplayed their hand on these "silent majority" type groups way too many times and everyone knows they are a couple of dozen morons with anger issues at most.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"Oh. No. Stop. Don’t."

Sarcastic Willie Wonka is made of awesome.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:36 pm

In retaliation, Jon Stewart's rabbi is tattling to Bill Donohue's sponsors about that one time that Bill ate a ham sangwich on a bagel.

horsedreamer_1 May 4, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Don't worry: the company will weather the storm as Anthony Hopkins's bowel is immaculate.

Sassomatic May 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

The stoners of America will now flock to Kellogg's cereals, sending Post into a frenzy to compete, thereby igniting the Great Cereal War of 2012. Whichever one thinks of ice-cream filled frosted mini-wheats first will prevail.

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Didn't any of you guys have French in high school?
[oh, for god's sake, I meant the LANGUAGE, you bunch of perverts!]
Vagina Manger is pronounced "vagina man-gzhay" and it means, "eat vagina", so…
Wait, Bill Donohue would probably like that even less.

lulzmonger May 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm

It's funny, because Kellogg was an uptight conservative motherfucker who scientifically formulated his breakfast noms with the primary goal of preventing kids from jerking off.

Also, boycotts = the potato-masher grenade of LIBERAL FASCISM!!!!!!!

George Spelvin May 4, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!”

Who knew that our Editrix was such a cunning linguist?

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 9:59 pm

"Well bless your heart." Our Editrix translated that pretty well.
Another one I always heard growing up was "Well, isn't he (or she) a sight!" Meaning: "What a fuckin' embarrassment they are to present themselves in public like that!"
That one worked well whether you were referring to how they dressed or to their politics.

BelleSC May 5, 2012 at 8:12 am

“well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,”

Oh this is so true. Also so above replies. "Bless his heart" can also mean "What a fucking moron" as well as numerous other insults. Of course it can also just mean "Bless his heart." My transplanted Yankee sister-in-law hates it :-)

On of my favorite insults is "I LOVE your (dress, hairstyle, pair of shoes, etc.) I had one just like that…..years ago."

LetUsBray May 4, 2012 at 10:53 pm

I had to stop on the way home to pick up a new box of raisin bran, as I am at the age where my number one criterion in choosing breakfast food is whether it helps me poop. I am now really happy that I bought the Kellogg's version (which is exactly like the others, but today it happened to be the cheapest).

Still, I would have thought Mr. Catholic League would be all in favor of anything that limbers up the ol' back door, also known as the "Priest's Entrance".

Stevola May 5, 2012 at 1:41 am

You never go full Nuge

Smithboy May 5, 2012 at 8:15 am

In that 99% of Americans never heard of Bill Donahue and therefore don't follow his commandments, I think Kellogg is on pretty safe ground saying to this self styled puritan….We'll pass on the boycoott.

beowulf2100 May 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

Bill is clearly intellecually and emotionally constipated. I recommend the Activia Challenge. It tastes great, promotes regularity, and is a true friend to all colons!

vodkamuppet May 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Oh yeah, Battle Creak(ites?) will totally boycot their largest employer. Solid plan Bill, can't miss. While you're at it, why not get Detroit to boycot the big 3?

WIDTAP May 4, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Tiger mom.

starfanglednut May 4, 2012 at 8:14 pm

How much weed have you been smoking lately?

tessiee May 4, 2012 at 8:47 pm

There's one near me that plays a chiming ice cream truck version of "fur elise". That alone makes me positive the driver is a serial killer.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I get that same reaction from everyone, but I have neighbors who can back up my story. And not Christmas carols. Hymns. Stuff you hear in church. Carnival version. Swear to baby Jesus that it's true.

bagofmice May 4, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I assume that your understanding of the colloquialism of "cap'n" is intended to represent an abbreviation of "capping", a term used by hardcore mothafookin gangstas to describe the process of delivering lead to unsuspecting customers.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Honey Snatchs?

Butch_Wagstaff May 4, 2012 at 9:00 pm

The truck that hits our neighborhood plays "I Wish I Was in Dixie" (among others, of course) and it's usually one of those brown-skinned folks drivin' it. Weird.

Designer_Rants May 4, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I'll take a Melancholy Malt. Or not. Whatever.

BelleSC May 5, 2012 at 7:58 am

The one in our neighborhood plays "Turkey in the Straw" VERY LOUDLY. There is a noise ordinance in the city. It's mainly used against drivers with car music systems playing loud rap music. I am certain it will apply in this case too.

MaxNeanderthal May 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Probably the ghost of Richard Kuklinski….

Steverino247 May 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm

So, wind him up real good or get some cool military accessories for him at Livermore Labs.

ChessieNefercat May 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

We have a carillon on our main street. I worked in the building next door to it for awhile. I remember the day it slowly bonged out "Way Down Upon the Swanee River", in a dignified and stately manner, during a raging blizzard. Very surrealistic.

The carillon on the local university campus can bong its way through "The Rainbow Connection", of all things. I always hear the lyrics in my mind in Kermit's voice.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: