Good news, America: Science reports that it has had communication with an alternate dimension. Strangely enough, the message is once again from pill-snarfing loon Michele Bachmann, who explains that in fact, she ran a very nearly perfect campaign for president: “We were extremely careful, and we were almost mistake-free, but for those two points, Elvis Presley’s birthday and John Wayne’s birthplace.” That’s nice. So is Michele Bachmann the Republican nominee in this alternate dimension, after having run such a glorious campaign? Maybe she is already President there, even? That’s too bad, it sounds like that dimension might have been sort of a fun, kooky “wear your pants backwards everyday” kind of place before Michele Bachmann quickly annihilated it as its new leader. In this world, however, we can think of several more mistakes Michele Bachmann made. What’s the first one, off the top of the head?
And also there was that time she needlessly attempted to make Rick Perry look stupid by claiming that a cancer vaccine makes girls “suffer retardation,” or that teabagger manifesto she signed comparing the enslavement of African-Americans favorably to life as a black person under Barack Obama’s tyrannical rule and yadda yadda we do not have another year to finish this list. We just wanted to ruin your Friday with that lovely photo. [The Hill]