it's not tv it's food-nazi propaganda!

National Review Writer Does Not Care For HBO Program Explaining Why She Is A Fat Load

nom nom nomIt would be the easiest and cheapest thing in the world to put a picture of Julie Gunlock, National Review writer and senior female at the Independent Women’s Forum, in this space right here and then har-har-har about how she is whining about HBO’s upcoming documentary — which she has not seen but which infuriates her anyway — because she is herself a person of fatness. So, naturally, that is what we will do!

On May 14, HBO will debut a new documentary called Weight of the Nation, which was produced in cooperation with the Centers for Disease Control. While I haven’t yet seen it, it’s clear from the trailer that HBO produced this documentary to deliver the same message we’ve all heard before: We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain.

For absolute real, your Wonkette does not believe calling someone “wide-load” is effective political discourse; and also on the real, your Wonkette sees these Interwebz pictures of Julie Gunlock and finds her to be the perfect amount of plumpness for, say, a chef. Not grossly obese like that horrible Robert on “Gordon Ramsay Is Not Done Screaming At You You Fucking Stupid Cow” but definitely tastes everything before it gets to your plate. Could it be that Julie Gunlock, who takes so very many exceptions to this documentary she has not seen*, is somehow a mite defensive?

The trailer is jam-packed with the type of fear-based hyperbole commonly used by the food nannies. Statements such as “obesity is the biggest threat to the health, welfare, and future of this country,” and “it’s not only health; it’s about the survival and well-being of the United States as a nation” abound. Expect a super-sized helping of doomsday claims such as “the weight of the nation is out of control,” and warnings that unless we get this “epidemic” under control “we’re going to have an abundance of chronic disease.”

Related video

Oh, so Julie Gunlock says none of those things are true, we guess because she says so. Julie, can we interest you in some diabeetus? She also read a HuffPo thing from the film’s EP, John Hoffman, and is so mad about that too!

But Hoffman goes on to repeat the old canard that obesity-related health-care costs nearly $150 billion annually and that the obese costs an average of $1,400 more a year to care for. Yeah, that’s a popular lie, but the truth is, food nannies and activists have trouble squaring their mantra that those who suffer from obesity will die because of their unhealthy lifestyle, while simultaneously screeching on about their high health-care bills. The truth is obvious: You don’t cost a dime when you’re dead.

So this is what now passes for “logic” at the National Review. Surely everyone who is obese dies the moment they become obese, right? And thus there are no associated health care costs because your scale hits three bills and you fall over, splat! YOU GOT US, JULIE GUNLOCK! We tried to have it both ways, that obesity costs a lot and then it kills you, but obviously we forgot about Logic 101′s Fallacy of Because Julie Said So.

Moving on to school lunches, Hoffman says 94 percent of American schools fail to meet federal standards for fat and saturated fat in school lunches. Only 94 percent? That’s too bad. We should be striving for 100 percent non-compliance. Why does Hoffman consider “federal standards” the gold standard? Does he know those standards allow chicken nuggets, french fries, pizza for breakfast, and gray green beans? I hardly think we should be looking to the federal government for guidance on what we serve our kids. How about Hoffman exhibit a little of that free thought for which artists are so famous and consider that government might be the problem, not the solution, to the school-lunch issue.

Also a good one! Federal standards allow pizza for breakfast and all assorted manner of crap, and 94 percent of school lunches still don’t even meet the minimum standard! (That is what a federal standard is, a m-i-n-i-m-u-m, to spell it out for Julie Gunlock, who is apparently a wee bit touched.)

A bold prediction: We’re not going to see anything new during this documentary. The food nannies have powerful friends in Congress, more than willing partners within federal regulatory agencies and now a whole group of talented movie executives within the entertainment industry. These separate groups have colluded to send a message to Americans: You’re feeble, you’re dumb, and you’re too busy and addled to take care of your own health. More importantly, you simply can’t be trusted to feed your kids nutritious food. As such, you should be encouraged to hand these difficult tasks over to your benevolent government minders who know better.

She ain't heavy, she's Julie Gunlock!And so a documentary telling people about the food they eat will cause the Food Nazis, with Moochelle Obama leading the brigade, to bust down Julie Gunlock’s door and pry the high fructose corn syrup from her fat dead hands. Pity.

I look forward to watching this documentary. I’ll watch it with an open mind . . . and a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda.

Hahaha wheeeze haha wheeze kerplunk we fell over and died.

*We are glad Julie Gunlock did not see the HBO documentary on Gloria Steinem (presumably), as surely the howl of rage upon seeing that skinny bitch/feminist icon would have broken the Internet plumb into pieces. [NRO]

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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263 comments

  1. Barb

    Julie Gunlock? That should be our new word for "food beast" Wow, she really has a gunlock on that Twinkie club. (Twinkie, bacon, Twinkie..)

    1. smashedinhat

      Naturally I'm not going to get anything done until I manufacture and consume one of these Twinkie clubs of which you speak.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      "Gunlock" sounds like NRA libel to me. And anyway, shouldn't it be "Arterylock"?

  2. DaRooster

    "We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain."

    While I am not the most svelte guy in the world I say with all sincerity-

    Speak for yourself!!

    1. GuyClinch

      Hey, pal, we smokers ARE NOT defensive and angry!! So just fuck off, okay?! And go eat those goddam Cheat-os at least 50 feet from the building entrance!

      1. widestanceromance

        Some of us are, damn it! Thanks to you, I HAVE to go burn one now. Damn it.

      2. boobookitteh

        Cheetos should be outlawed. All that orange dust just has to be carcinogenic.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    "a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda."

    Baked Lays and Diet Coke, right?

    1. DaRooster

      Baked lays are the worst… they don't move much and they giggle all of the time.

    2. actor212

      I never understood this obsession people have with Diet Coke. It tastes horrible.

      I was in a bar once, and this heart attack on hooves guy comes in, orders a half pound bacon cheeseburger, large fries with gravy and cheddar cheese…and a Diet Coke.

      I mean, dood, order the fucking sugared version! Who you kidding?

      1. MozakiBlocks

        That ain't nuthin. When I was in college, there was a group of gals who I'd see in the dinning hall habitually eating a huge piece of chocolate cake and a Diet Coke.

        And yes, one of them did actually say that "the Diet Coke offsets the calories from the cake" when I asked about this gourmet extravaganza.

      2. BerkeleyBear

        I switched to diet in law school because I was mainlining a six pack a day and those six hundred or so calories were making a difference in my weight (I should've been drinking coffee, but it makes me jittery). Once you drink it for a couple weeks, corn syrup beverages taste weird in a way other things with sugar don't. So yeah, I've been the guy eating a double bacon cheeseburger with a DC, but I'm not kidding myself that the the 90 -100 calories saved is "making up" for the 1000+ calories in the burger. It just is a marginal choice and conditioning at this point. That, and my stomach tumors won't grow themselves, dammit.

        1. Jukesgrrl

          In Defense of the Chocolate Cake Washed Down with Diet Coke:
          I'm mostly a water person, but every once in awhile I experience a hankering for Diet Pepsi (a chemical jones, no doubt). My feeling is, once one is used to the "taste" of the "diet" version of something, why ever consume the sugar? If you're going to eat a cheesburger, it only adds insult to injury if you consume sugar or corn syrup, too. Same goes with muffins washed down with coffee + Sweet 'n Low.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Wow!!

        Jesus Christ…Wow Chips. Stomach cramps, loose stool and Uncontrolled Anal Leakage. Were they named such because so many people would shout, "Wow! I shit my pants", or Wow! I just crapped on the examining table."

        Of course, I wonder of Santorum ate a lot of Wow! Chips.

  4. gullywompr

    I don't mind a little meat on the bone, but willful defiance is no reason for the government to buy you a Hoverround.

    1. Biff

      I live near a former alfalfa and cotton growing "town". Everyone for the most part was healthy. Some casinos came along, then grocery stores (srs, in that order) then much later, a walmart. No kidding, that's when the scooter brigade showed up. Now they are everywhere, clogging up the aisles, taking all the good parking spaces, and being pains in the ass in general, just like that nasty NRO writer up there.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      However, corn subsidies making it profitable for every stupid food to use corn syrup as a flavorant/filler for everything from sausage to sweets do kind of create some level of collective responsibility for obesity, no?

  5. DaRooster

    She is probably one of the ones that won't be going to Red Lobster any more… you know, since it is way too healthy there now.

    1. nounverb911

      "You don’t cost a dime when you’re dead. "
      Not unless you expect to be buried.

  6. noodlesalad

    To Gunlock's credit, she watched basketball diaries with a crack pipe in her lap and some smack in her veins.

        1. horsedreamer_1

          My friend Tim's sister is vegan. & a chub.

          Diet & drug choices do not produce universal results us what I'm saying.

        1. comrad_darkness

          Hey, all my skinny friends have cats. My fat friends have those little fuzzy dogs that you can't see their eyes.

  7. actor212

    Anybody wanna place bets on what flavor Hagen Daaz she cracked open and devoured when she finished this column?

    My money's on chocolate.

    1. Barb

      Ben & Jerry's "Caddysnack" It's a hybrid of chocolate and coffee ice cream with Baby Ruth chunks & great big gobs of greasy grimy caramel gopher guts.

      1. BornInATrailer

        Maybe she's having one of their limited availability flavors like "Crazy Catladyfingers" or "Half Price Grocery Store Sheet Cake You Eat By Yourself On Friday Night Swirl"

    2. comrad_darkness

      Haagen Daz is all natural. This girl is the mono and diclycerides artificial flavor type. So, store brand. Also comes in handy gallon sizes.

    1. prommie

      Cheetos are a dude thing, I think, the ladies tend to eat the ice cream and the chocolate. But she did admit to liking the chips, so you could be right.

    1. FNMA

      You should for Veep, produced by the crazy limey dago who did In The Loop. It's hysterical.

  8. An_Outhouse

    I didn't bother reading the post but I think Julie Gunlock is too fat, and is going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain. Also.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      You want to tell her: It's not called a 'sin tax' for nothing. Quit playing victim and admit this is a vice being addressed, not weight-issue sufferers being maligned for malice's sake.
      and: it isn't worth your "hyperbole" grousing when these conclusions are buoyed by a stack of supporting evidence.

      I do feel for any kids she's brought into this world for they're going to display their inherited overeating habits with pride as well as under-nourished logical processes with impudence.

      1. Boojum

        I fear for any kids she's brought into this world, because she will either eat them or roll over on top of them. Or, I suppose, both.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      I'll take "What is never going to happen to Julie Gunlock?" for $500, Alex.

    2. gurukalehuru

      As Ron Weasley said of the professor from Beaux-Batons school of Wizardry and Witchcraft, the one Hagrid had the hots for, "The only thing bigger boned is a dinosaur."

    3. Stevola

      Or, from South Park,
      "Eric's not fat, he's just big-boned"
      "Then he must have a great big bone in his ass!"

  9. Serolf_Divad

    So this is what now has always passed for “logic” at the National Review.

    There, Rebbecca, fixed it for ya.

  10. SorosBot

    She may not have watched the movie, but she still managed a weighty review, full of heavy rhetoric and extra-large hyperbole.

    1. chicken_thief

      Putting her full weight behind the defense of food choice has made her a bigger person.

  11. DerrickWildcat

    Fatness has become an issue of National Security since the Military has essentially become a Fat Camp because they are having difficulty finding enough Men and Women that can do a Pull-Up.
    The better question is why this Lady hates America so much?

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    Ted Nugent did a song for her.

    don't know where she come from
    It must be some distant land
    From a major city that's got no pity
    She been lookin' for her man
    Lo and behold, she's an overload
    What a sight to see
    I'm gonna run for cover, I can hear her thunder
    She's comin' after me!

    Thunder Thighs
    Thunder Thighs
    She's only five foot four, thank God no more
    It's an even 185
    A lovely lady, a graceful lady
    She could eat this man alive
    Likes to rock and roll, but got no control
    When she sits down to a meal
    The big legged woman ain't got no soul
    This little girl's just unreal

    Thunder Thighs
    She's big, she's bouncy
    Thunder Thighs
    Hey, hey, heeeyyy!
    Come on baby
    Sweat!
    Look out!
    Heeyyyy!

    Don't sit on me bitch!

    1. FNMA

      Spinal Tap, Big Bottom.

      The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
      That's what I said
      The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
      Or so I have read

      My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
      I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

      Big bottom, big bottom
      Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
      Big bottom drive me out of my mind
      How could I leave this behind?

  13. Schmannnity

    With a name like Gunlock, she should be working for the NRA, not National Review.

  14. sullivanst

    I suspect Julie's cupboards were short-stocked one day so she ate her own brain in desperation.

    I mean, seriously, what a fucking moron.

    1. didgen

      My gramma used to say a turd for every toilet, but that was just to explain love and marriage I guess. Oh, gramma.

  15. DemmeFatale

    And while you have your chips and soda, don't forget to turn ALL your lights on, (even the ones in the closet), cause that'll show those meddling, nanny, libtards!

  16. Jus_Wonderin

    I really have only one question for Julie. Girl, are you worth the climb? Do I need a Sherpa guide?

    Oh, that was two.

  17. SexySmurf

    the truth is, food nannies and activists have trouble squaring their mantra that those who suffer from obesity will die because of their unhealthy lifestyle

    I'd ask her to back herself up, but I wouldn't be able to hear her over the beeping.

  18. Baconzgood

    "message to Americans: You’re feeble, you’re dumb, and you’re too busy and addled to take care of your own health."

    Is there any doubt?

  19. Pithaughn

    I'm fat. There I said it. So far I've never had more than two cats at one time. ( The coyotes got Pancho, sad. ) But if there is an after life I will come sliding in on my skinny ass ( sorry gals, I still have a small ass despite the extra 60 pounds ) with a dark'n stormy in one hand, a big old spleef in the other screaming " Boy howdy, that was a heck of a ride!"

    1. Boojum

      When you say you've never had more than two cats at any one time, do you mean in a single bite, or a meal? (Just kidding!)

    2. Jus_Wonderin

      I am allergic to cats. But, I have a shared outside cat. It might be by design, but he scares the hell out of me when I am watching TV and he jumps down on the back step. CAT!!!

    3. starfanglednut

      "The difference is you are a delightful gent/lady with a jewel of a personality and a rapier wit sharp as diamonds. Julie is a cranky old bitch who'd just as soon drown herself in corn syrup to prove a point."

      -copy pasted from Fare la Volpe

  20. BklynIlluminati

    No by all means have another bowl mayonnaise Julie nothing bad gonna happen dearie

  21. ph7

    "a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda."

    Reminds me of the smoker who doubles down by switching to filterless Camels, to prove a point. A very bizarre point.

  22. bureaucrap

    This pro-obesity tirade ("Eat more! Die Sooner!") has been undwritten with the generous corporate support of the McDonalds Foundation and and the American Snack Association ("Clogging your Arteries since 1948!"). Our sponsors urge all our readers to go ahead and finish that last french fry — there are people starving in Mali, after all.

  23. Dashboard Buddha

    As someone who is currently in an internet argument about how bad grammar makes one look stupid and dilutes the power of the message, I'd have to say that ignorance is waaaay more of a danger to the future of this country.

    However, as a fat dude, I can't argue much with this…

    We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain.

    Huge? Check.

    Miserable? Not in my case anyway. I have the love of a good woman. But, for many years misery was a companion of mine.

    Unemployed? Check…at least for the time being. There have been studies (too lazy to link) that show that fat folks overall make less money and spend more time unemployed.

    In pain? Oh fucking-a right. Thank goodness I live in a place where I'm forced to do more walking. I'm not seeing much of the fat front, but I seem to be hurting less.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      The difference is you are a delightful gent with a jewel of a personality and a rapier wit sharp as diamonds. Julie is a cranky old bitch who'd just as soon drown herself in corn syrup to prove a point.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        That's among one of the coolest things someone has said to me. Thank you.

  24. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain."

    If you take the fat out of this quote I quite agree with the rest. I think wrestling for the last few cans of hobo beans will be a great weight loss regime for most of us.

    1. commiegirl

      Me too! I am going to have some more Trader Joe's triple-ginger cookies for breakfast because they are FUCKING DELICIOUS.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Hey, Jonah Goldberg wants you to know that Fat Bottomed Girls is his song.

  25. Chill-A-Sketch

    "I look forward to watching this documentary. I’ll watch it with an open mind . . . and a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda."

    Brawndo, perhaps?

  26. Chow Yun Flat

    "Hahaha wheeeze haha wheeze kerplunk we fell over and died."

    I hate that sentence because it is hilarious and I can't figure out how plagiarize it.

  27. prommie

    Speaking of jezzies, I wouldn't be surprised if they war on us now, for "body-shaming" or whatever shit term they have for noticing that someone is a fatass sweatpig.

    1. __kth__

      Jezzie might have half a point this time. Laughing at fat people isn't cool. Also not cool: creating some kind of cultural identity around sitting on the couch eating crap (cf Heart Attack Grill).

      1. Boojum

        Can we still laugh at people who sit around creating a cultural identity around sitting on the couch, with Freedom Trays stuffed full of lard soaked bacon flavored fried butter sticks?

  28. weejee

    Julie could help her weight iffin' she'd take-up some chew. And not that sissy Skoal lip-dippin' shit but stuff a major league wad of chaw in her chubby cheeks just like the Sox great second baseman Nellie Fox.

    / patooie

    1. MosesInvests

      I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT, I'M UNDERTALL!!!111! (Forgive me-my 7-year-old has just discovered Garfield)

    2. comrad_darkness

      The average human skeleton weighs 20lbs. Even if you are a freak of nature that should be hung in the circus after you die that's not an excuse for more than 10lbs.

  29. ElPinche

    I bang thick chicks on the daily, and I'd probably enjoy motorboating Gunlock's big ole fun bags (hipster sexism!!) . In fact, I have a Seth Rogen (circa 2002) frame, but I don't deny the evil power of chicken nuggets. America, we have a problem.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      One of the comments from the video reminded me of a lesson I was teaching on blood vessels and the like. One of my students ask why he never saw them when he ate a chicken leg. I asked if he ever remembered get a tough stringy thing stuck in his teeth. He said yah…well, grasshopper…that was either a vein or artery. Bone appetite!

      He actually passed out. We lifted him into a chair, head between the knees, LaVannya, get a class of water for Tim please, passed out.

      Sometimes I miss teaching.

  30. Dumbedup

    Yessss…Ms. Gunbag looks like she may be very fat below the neck, as in big gut, so not in a good way.

  31. Jus_Wonderin

    "We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain."

    Hey Hun, yeah, I might die huge, but I living huge too.

    (That's what she said………..)

  32. Chichikovovich

    Another tipoff phrase: "repeat the old canard" = she was hurrying to complete her rant so that she could finish off the leftover roast duck in the fridge.

  33. SayItWithWookies

    A bold prediction: We’re not going to see anything new during this documentary.

    Probably true — because everybody's heard "Stop eating crap and get some more exercise" over and over again. It's like the general idea that there's no such thing as creative accounting — everybody knows it, but we still have to have laws against it because, given the chance to lie and hide debt, every goddamn corporation in the world is going to take it.

  34. Guppy

    (F)ood nannies and activists have trouble squaring their mantra that those who suffer from obesity will die because of their unhealthy lifestyle, while simultaneously screeching on about their high health-care bills.

    Then ask the insurance company actuaries. Free markets.

    Why does Hoffman consider “federal standards” the gold standard?

    Because the federal government is the one paying for the food. Free markets.

    Seriously, what magazine does she write for again?

  35. jodyleek

    I don't give a good crap what this broad puts in her big fat maw, but would it hurt you dear to jog around the block a few times? You can eat a lot of food if you just burn some of the calories exercising. And, yes, your big butt does cost everybody, what with all the accommodations both private and public that now need to be made for the chubbies. So, stuff your pie hole with all types of ding-dongs and cheesy doodles, but seriously, do some sort of exercise everyday so I don't have to hear you weezing every time I walk behind you. My CPR certification isn't up to date and you're making me anxious.

    1. ElPinche

      I eat like a fat fuck, but I do run, bike and swim. In fact, that's my match dot com description. Sure America , you can eat double-downs and awful dorito tacos, but get off puter, iphone, twitter, facebook, and yes, wonkette, and move your ass for an hour a day.

      1. jodyleek

        Run, bike and swim? You do triathlons? Be still my heart!
        I have the zealotry of the newly converted on account of two years ago I was a fat slob, but then started exercising on a regular basis. Now I run half marathons, do tri's and du's and I was able to cut my high b.p. meds down by three quarters. I pretty much eat whatever I want and am proud to say I look pretty damn good for an old broad.

        1. ElPinche

          Ha! No , not together. Those activities are spaced apart with alcohol and fajitas. Marvelous..its better to look good than to feel good (see, I'm old too! ) .

  36. valthemus

    "… a documentary telling people about the food they eat will cause the Food Nazis, with Moochelle Obama leading the brigade, to bust down Julie Gunlock’s door and pry the high fructose corn syrup from her fat dead hands."

    What a delightful image that conjures up. If I have time, I'll do a painting of this scene in the near future.

  37. Jeri 2.0

    "I’ll watch it with an open mind . . . and a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda, and a jar of Nutella spread on a nice hot pound cake, with some crispy bacon on the side. And then maybe some brats with a nice potato salad and an icy cold chocolate milk shake."

    By the way Julie, I'm skinny. Neener, neener, neener!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      I'm old enough to have been skinny (instead of thin).

      I used to lie about my weight on my driver's license – I'd add 15 lbs.

    2. comrad_darkness

      I've worked my ass off since high school to get down to just above "normal" weight. Cook your own food, get off your ass and exercise everyday. It's not that hard.

    3. Jeri 2.0

      Yeah, I'm old enough that my first thought was scrawny, but that sounded even worse than skinny.

      A year and a half ago I weighed 45 pounds more than I do now. Fortunately for me, all I really needed to do was quit stuffing my pie-hole with 4,500 calories of crap after 7:00 p.m.

  38. Tundra Grifter

    I'd like to weigh in on this issue. It's a heavy topic.

    But I haven't had breakfast yet.

  39. ThundercatHo

    My food nanny, Mary Popover, was a very nice lady with a lovely singing voice but she was always shoveling sugar down my throat and spent way too much time with that goofy-ass chimney sweep.

  40. Wile E. Quixote

    You know, if the whole conservatism thing doesn't work out National Review could always start making chubby chaser pornos starring Gunlock, K-Lo and Jonah Goldberg. They could even have special guest stars, like Chris Christie and Erick Erickson.

  41. comrad_darkness

    By the way, Julie, the Corn Syrup Lobby is the one with all the friends in Congress. And that costs every American tax money. Remember government isn't the solution, you said so yourself (but probably already forgot because you were distracted by your sixth donut) so government crop subsidies that encourage farmers to grow nutritionally empty crap that makes it to grocery shelves much cheaper than healthy stuff isn't the solution either. RIGHT??

  42. gurukalehuru

    What kind of a stupid fucking name is Gunlock?
    I mean, did she just make that up in order to be a right wing journamalist, or is there really a whole clan of people running around America with the family name of Gunlock?
    Like so many things in this modern world, it's a somewhat disturbing thought either way.

  43. Wile E. Quixote

    But Hoffman goes on to repeat the old canard that obesity-related health-care costs nearly $150 billion annually and that the obese costs an average of $1,400 more a year to care for. Yeah, that’s a popular lie, but the truth is, food nannies and activists have trouble squaring their mantra that those who suffer from obesity will die because of their unhealthy lifestyle, while simultaneously screeching on about their high health-care bills. The truth is obvious: You don’t cost a dime when you’re dead

    What a stupid fucking cunt. I can't wait until she develops diabetes and has to have a foot or two amputated. Fun fact that I learned at Harborview Medical Center while I was learning to use my way cool robot leg, two thirds of all amputations are lower limb amputations, and two thirds of those are caused by circulatory insufficiency issues usually bought about by diabetes. It's obvious that Lardy McFatassersdottir has no idea how much it costs to have a foot amputated or how much a prosthetic limb costs (they cost an arm and a leg, literally and figuratively) or how much her fucking Hoverround is going to cost.

    This is one of the things that keeps me dragging my fat, one-legged ass to the gym, if I lose my other leg I want it to be from something cool that makes a great story (I'm thinking shark attack, because I've already done "near fatal motorcycle accident followed by eight weeks in a level one trauma center") and not because I kept stuffing my fat face with Cheetos™ until I got gangrene.

    Reading articles like this just provides more evidence that there is nothing to conservatism these days other than being a fat, petulant, whiny little shit with a massive sense of entitlement and the paranoid feeling that "the other" is out to get you.

  44. Wile E. Quixote

    We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain.

    If Rmoney gets elected in November Julie Gunlock is going to die on a spit, with an apple in her mouth.

  45. Wile E. Quixote

    I look forward to watching this documentary. I’ll watch it with an open mind . . . and a bag of potato chips and a nice cold soda.

    You know what you should also do while you're watching this documentary Julie? You should sniff glue and smoke a bunch of cigarettes as well. Yeah, that'll show us liberals!

    1. comrad_darkness

      And clean your guns. Liberals and the nanny state hate it when you sniff glue and clean your guns.

  46. Fare la Volpe

    He's referring to commenters at Jezebel, a feminist(-ish) newsmag on the Gawker payroll. While they're generally smart and often witty ladies, ye gods do they get defensive about whatever new OUTRAGE has entered their midst. I once cracked an incest joke and was barraged with commenters accusing me of perpetuating the sexualization of women, the sexualization of twins, the sexualization of lesbians, etc etc and how I didn't understand the PAIN and TORMENT of growing up a lesbian with a twin (this is apparently a torment now).

    Eventually I learned to just shut up and laugh to myself about whatever new dumb thing Alicia Silverstone vomits into her baby's mouth.

  47. Slim_Pickins

    "We’re all too fat, and we’re going to die huge, miserable, unemployed, and in pain."

    So she's a widette, unemployed, that is, "works" for NRO, and is apparently miserable. That's three out of four.

  48. didgen

    Having been a fat person most of my life and fighting it, not helped by being born into a fat clan. I can proudly say I am now downgraded to merely chunky, she however is a raging fat stupid cow.

  49. Sir_Fartz_Alot

    that it. i'm hoarding all HFCS that I can before hussain o'bummer takes it all away

  50. barto

    Actually, Julie is correct about the costs thing. Same applies to smokers and drinkers. Beneath many of these behaviors are untreated mental health conditions that will remain untreated thank you very much thanks to our brutally pernicious health care "system" that sees no connection between health and mental health. Such a nation of ruthless bastards we are. And also in Jules defense, at least some weightiness is due to genetic conditions beyond anyone's control.
    That said, anything that potentially does increase the quality of our lives should be promoted. Let's actually watch the documentary and then assail its deficiencies, ok Jules?

    1. HistoriCat

      I could be wrong but I think I remember reading that the "world's fattest man" in PT Barnum's show weighed about 450 pounds. These days you can find people who weigh that much at any Walmart in the country.

    2. starfanglednut

      You are right on, barto. I think the self destructive behavior must be ceased before underlying issues can be treated, though. At least that was the case for my drinking. So she'll have to lose weight nonetheless.

  51. ttommyunger

    Just give your pals at Dominoes a call, Julie. They love to hear from you and you'll feel better soon, you always do.

  52. anniegetyerfun

    Ah, so we're keeping up Ken Layne's You Get Chubby = You Get Diabetes schtick, are we? Ever consider that it might be the other way around?

  53. Chet Kincaid

    I guess we'll find out how many Wonketeers are big, fat loads at the meetups! Please have some extra popcorn shrimp ready for me when you get to Chicago, 'Becs!

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      it's too bad I can't make it cuz my belly would be there the day before I arrive.

  54. AlaskaGrrl

    "…jam-packed with the type of fear-based hyperbole …"
    As opposed to the fear based hyperbole commonly found in the NRO about teh gays and the "Other" in the White House, and the messicans, anything else that isn't white and right?

  55. rickmaci

    "The truth is obvious: You don’t cost a dime when you’re dead."

    So..the National Review editorial board is now a death panel?

  56. rickmaci

    All this righty chick's talk about "chicken nuggets, french fries, pizza for breakfast" is working up my appetite for a little breakfast with Meghan McCain. Am I bad?

  57. bikerlaureate

    We are glad Julie Gunlock did not see the HBO documentary on Gloria Steinem

    Trix dearest, I think you meant "the trailer for the HBO documentary on Gloria Steinem," since watching the finished product about which she rants is apparently too much like work.

  58. PhilippePetain

    So republicans believe in taking responsibility for one's self, but also the freedom to be irresponsible regardless of its effects on others and one's self, and are apparently now for defending people who don't take responsibility for themselves, but not certain people who don't do that, just the ones who consume a lot, and also defend those who don't want others to take responsibility for them, all at the same time.

    This line of reasoning must be hard for them to keep track of.

  59. mschouette

    Hey Rebecca, I know you're from Cali and all, but it may surprise you to know that not ALL of the country is as fat-phobic as you size-zero mutants in the OC. Some might call female fat body-snarking a tad, shall we say, anti-feminist. At least, this fat Wonkateer would. BTW, I think this woman is a dumbass, but she's rather cute. Kisses!

    1. commiegirl

      I was actually trying REALLY HARD not to have it come out fat-phobic. I meant it when I said she was the perfect plumpness for a chef. But lady is REEEEEALLLLY against the rest of us ever learning anything from the "food nannies," and that's bullshit.

    2. commiegirl

      Oh, and I'm not a size zero. And I'll be even less of a size zero after a year or so of this blogging lifestyle.

    3. mschouette

      Rebecca, you know there are lots of snarky males on this blog. And the obesity/Michelle Obama/unhealthy lifestyles of the stupid territory is tricky to navigate. Especially for a girl. Hell, one of your commenters admit ted he liked to fuck chubby women, but I wonder if he's "out" with that. Fat prejudice is the last acceptable form of bigotry. Like, just stop being so fat already! That's like asking a queen to stop being such a fairy already! Are unhealthy foods a part of our culture? Sure. Does everyone eat them? Mostly. Are those who are susceptible to weight gain the most reviled in our culture? You bet they are. It's the last acceptable form of prejudice amongst the lefty culture. Hey, I guess everyone needs someone to hate!

      1. commiegirl

        No, it's one of TWO last acceptable forms of bigotry — the other being toward poor Southern whites.

        But I still maintain that the reason she is SOOOO against "food nannies" is personal defensiveness. And she's full of shit.

  60. Klek

    ". . . . the Food Nazis, with Moochelle Obama leading the brigade, to bust down Julie Gunlock’s door and pry the high fructose corn syrup from her fat dead hands." – I think that's exactly the imagery they use for those office-wide circle jerks at the National Review. Oh, and greasy chip hands.

  61. glamourdammerung

    National Review? That is the place that keeps having to fire people after it becomes public that they are involved in white supremacist nonsense, right?

    Also, overly defensive obese person is overly defensive and obese.

    And I hope the alleged writer at National Review gets diabetes.

  62. horsedreamer_1

    Julie, pay no mind to what these snide liberals say — you're the one for me. You're the one for me, fatty.

  63. Mondo_Cane

    the knee-jerk responses of the right wing are positively Pavlovian –

    makes me consider advocating against health care, for war with Iran and tax relief for the wealthy so such pundits can explain to me why I'm wrong….

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