I'm so lonely!Noted American humorist Dave Barry once remarked that the main jobs of a lieutenant governor are to wear a tie and call up the governor once a day to make sure he or she isn’t dead. And that was pretty funny … in the ’80s, when your Comics Curmudgeon was in junior high and loved Dave Barry more than anything. But the modern, dynamic lieutenant governor doesn’t play by those fuddy-duddy rules! For instance, some lieutenant governors, like Florida’s Jennifer Carroll, are ladies, and so, as you can see in this picture, they don’t even need to wear ties. And sometimes they are delegated important tasks, like, say, taking phone calls from some asshole New York Times reporter asking snoopy questions. Find out just how this scenario isn’t racially transcendent, after the jump.

So Florida Governor Rick Scott is doing this actually praiseworthy thing where anyone can have access to emails sent to or from the governor or his top-level minions a week after they’re sent (although he did give this initiative the dubious name “Project Sunburst”). SaintPetersBlog scribe Peter Schorsch found what he called an “absolutely fascinating email exchange” between the governor’s staffers and NYT reporter Serge Kovaleski, who was trying to find out exactly why a new state’s attorney was brought in to deal with the Trayvon Martin case. After some garden variety stonewalling (“Oh, did you not see our press release? Here’s the press release”), the staffers finally agree to put Kovaleski on the phone with the governor to explain to an increasingly outraged national public what was going on.

Ha ha wait did we say “governor” because we meant “lieutenant governor” but don’t panic because obviously those are basically the same thing, as you can see from the positive comments about the call Kovaleski made in his follow-up email:

I just got off the phone with the Lt. Governor following a brief conversation with her. I am not sure why you set up this interview since she told me she could not talk about the issues I mentioned to you because she had no information.

As the record shows, I wrote to you that I wanted an elaboration on why Mr. Wolfinger was pulled off the case and what was his supposed conflict of interest. I also told you I wanted a better understanding about the decision to appoint Ms. Corey as special prosecutor and more detail about the process. The Lt. Gov. said she had no information on either matter.

Who in the administration can fully address these questions for the story?

So far, the Scott administration has responded to my questions by sending me an old press release that does not provide any answers and by directing me to the Lt. Gov., who said, for the record, that was unable to address the queries at hand because those were decisions made by the governor himself.

Do you think that this is what Jennifer Carroll does all day? Get excited because she’s going to get to talk to national media people, only to find out that they want all sorts of secret governor-only details that mere lieutenant governors don’t have? No, actually, it’s lots of ribbon cutting and such; phone calls like this, where jerks from New York yell at her for not knowing things, are among the more interesting things she does.

It’s also worth noting that Carroll is, along with various mosquito sprayers and dog catchers and war criminals (Allen West), one of the many several prominent African-American Republicans out there, so Scott’s staff might have thought she’d make a good spokesperson on this racially charged case. And they’d be right! Assuming anyone had told her anything about it, which they didn’t, obviously, I mean come on.

In addition to not having to wear a suit, Jennifer Carroll does not have to call Rick Scott to see if he’s dead, because Rick Scott still has several remaining horcruxes. [SaintPetersBlog]

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  • SudsMcKenzie

    I would like that Lieutenant to carry me out of the factory "Officer and a Gentleman" style.

    • Republican? Commenter smash!!

      • SudsMcKenzie

        Up Where We Belong Libel!12

      • Guppy

        As was demonstrated in '07-'08, Republican women are fair game for perverse sexual lust unless and until they open their mouths.

        • Biff


          • Guppy

            Once upon a time, it wasn't "skullfuck" but "hatefuck" that the editors tried to stamp out.

          • Biff

            Yep, it's always something. I used to think I was capable of hatefucking, but my conscience reared it's ugly head.

          • Guppy

            Remember: in proper hatefucking, the hate you feel is for yourself.

  • SorosBot

    Well of course they can't give any information about the case to a black woman; her job is just to stand and look pretty so that the Republicans can point to her and say, "We're not racist and/or sexist; just look at the lieutenant governor!"

    • "Now watch as I drop a pen in front of her….ain't that the sweetest patoot you ever saw?"

  • She looks like Pam Grier

    • Arken

      Without the 'doesn't take shit from anyone' appeal of Pam Grier.

    • I just can't see this chiqui singing along to "Ac-ross uh-huh-ndred-and Tenth Street" though.

    • chicken_thief

      Needz moar Angela Davis afro.

  • bureaucrap

    "I'd love to talk to you, but Massa Scott says I have to have all the silver polished by noon."

  • Could it be Kitty Harris is her consultant for issues and posing?

    • Head back, boobs out is pretty de riguer for women in politics in the south, even the uggos.

      • I must have missed the scintillating Virginia Foxx chest thrust shot. ¡Qué lástima!

        • No, you saw it. She's just hunchbacked so it appeared she was standing up straight

  • In fairness to Jennifer, no one in Florida has enough intelligence to speak on the case, else why would they have passed the fucking law in the first place?

    • Pragmatist2

      No further comments are needed.

  • Schmannnity

    She should have redirected the reporter to Wayne LaPierre.

    • mrpuma2u

      At least then the reporter would have been talking to someone who calls the shots in FL. Pun not intended intitally, but there it is, so it must be gawd's will. Praise jeebus. Balls.

  • Pragmatist2

    Condoleeza looks good with the longer hair.

    • Arken

      It's funny because all black women look alike! Am I right guys?

  • Boojum

    She should have stood her ground with that reporter.

  • The governor's staff thought they had solved their problem with the pushy reporter: "Let him talk to What's-Her-Name. Those northerners like coloreds."

  • ThundercatHo

    I don't know if there are any basilisks living in the Everglades but maybe an alligator tooth would do.

  • Goonemeritus

    Since when did having specific knowledge about a subject become necessary for a Republican to make a comment?

    • Since just before that reporter asked her.

  • Exhausted66

    Remember, you can't spell Lieutenant without lie.

  • OT:
    Favorite Dave Barry line about his "auxiliary dog."
    "Tiny cocoa-puff sized nodule of nerve tissue that serves for a brain."

    • My favorite was his line about meeting all the movers and shakers at the National Plumbers convention.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      See also Carl Hiaasen's reflections on Labrador behavior in Sick Puppy, which are similarly awesome, and suggest that he and Barry have traded notes.

  • Guppy

    So Florida Governor Rick Scott is doing this actually praiseworthy thing where anyone can have access to emails sent to or from the governor or his top-level minions a week after they’re sent

    He shifted all his emailing to his wife, to avoid a conflict of interest.

  • mavenmaven

    She read the standard official Republican Lt Governor statement: "We believe he chose to go hiking, on the Appalachian Trail".

  • OneYieldRegular

    If that reporter wanted any answers, he should have asked her about the George Zimmerman case.

  • There's something about this lieutenant governor that makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Threatened, actually. How often does Gov. Scott feel he needs to Stand His Ground with her? Because these uppity kids are just out of control…

  • I think we are missing the bigger picture here:

    Josh is BACK! Comics!!! Curmudgeon!!!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Now gimme some political cartoons that make me lose my will to live!

      • not that Dewey

        The cartoons themselves may have taken away our will to live, but Josh's analyses of them made me so happy.

  • chicken_thief

    I, for one, am disappointed that those buttons passed the stress test. Is she any relation to Diahann Carroll?

  • SwanSwanH

    Take away Tony Hale, and this is the plot to last week's episode of "Veep"

    • Arken

      Veep makes me sad because it's nowhere near as funny as The Thick of It and due to the nature of American politics, it probably never will be.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Being a token minority is hard work. Being a double super-duper minority is reeally hard work.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Would full public access to Duh Gov'Nuh's emails be "Project Starburst?"

  • anniegetyerfun

    I recently re-read Dave Barry Does Japan. It was still good.

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    but what does William J. Lepetomane think?

    • HarryButtle


  • OneDollarJuana

    Nice rack. But I bet Gov. Scott hasn't even noticed.

  • Terry

    Details from Ms Carroll's wiki page:

    – born in Port au Spain, Trinidad and Tobago
    – after high school, went into the Navy where she was an aircraft mechanic, picked up an A.A. and bachelors while in the service
    – Later got an MBA from "unaccredited Kensington University", which wikipedia describes as: "an unaccredited distance education institution that was based at different times in Hawaii and California. It was shut down by court order in Hawaii and California, following U.S. news media reports that high-ranking government officials received degrees from the school and other similar diploma mills."
    – Then got a second MBA online from St Leo University, an actually accredited school that has a campus but has a big program in continuing education.
    – Then ran for U.S. House twice, defeated both times
    – Appointed to positions first by Jeb Bush, then by G.W. Bush
    – Ran for Florida House of Reps, finally won a race.
    – Picked by Scott as his running mate.

    Now, do you think Jeb, Dubya, and Voldemort, uh, Scott picked Carroll because of her diploma mill MBA and experience in losing elections? Is that what made her stand out as a great candidate for appointed office and as a running mate?

    • horsedreamer_1

      At least she can never be President.

  • DaRooster

    Well, since Scott is such a dick…
    and she replaces him should something happen to him…

    I think she deserves a shot.

  • Local_Mojo

    But Rick Scott and the Florida legislature know everything about birthin' babies!

  • owhatever

    If Serge Kovaleski was a real journalist, he would have his own rightwing blog and dine in secret with Mitt Romney instead of asking "gotcha" questions of the lieutenant gubner of Florida.

  • ttommyunger

    The little-known fact that the Lieutenant Governor can suck a golf ball through a garden hose might have played a part in her selection.

  • Tricky_Dick

    Where's her bif cirtifokate?

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