don't drink don't smoke what do you do?

Important Wonkette Party Announcement, About Parties And Your Wonkette

Whip it good.

The Wonkette Drinky Meetup Salons begin with a party one week from today in Los Angeles, California. (Next up will be Detroit in early June. You excited, Detroit? When’s the last time someone came to see you? Long time, right? Here, let us wipe your tears and hand you a xanax.) All comers are welcome, and the first 10 pitchers (for everyone, not each, don’t be greedy) are on us. So please join Kirsten Boyd Johnson, Sara Benincasa, and me, your Editrix, for so much fried food (also we will buy you some fried food) and nonsense. Details on the other side.

Where will you be joining us? At Busby’s East, the charming sports bar over that Mexican joint, just a block and a half or so west of LaBrea, on Wilshire. Need an address? Lucky for you, you are on a computer!

When will you be joining us? Thursday, May 10. Time? Early, because don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your Editrix works on East Coast time for you, her beloved Wonkers, and also she is old. So we will say from 6:30 to 9:30, like that.

Why will you be joining us? Did we not already say free beer? Free beer.

So RSVP in the comments below or we will think no one is coming to our party, and we will be sad. Never registered? Do so now!


Important Update! People are going to drive to Detroit from OHIO, y’all. If you can’t make it to mid-city LA from the Westside, then Westsiders will be universally acknowledged to be whiny-ass tittybabies henceforth and evermore.

Till Thursday, we remain, yours etc., etc.,

Rebecca Schoenkopf

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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Hola wonkerados.

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    1. Steverino247

      I'll be there on 6/29/12, if that helps you. Spending the night and then heading west.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Spent three years there in the late 80s. Until I get a hankering for lobster, don't see a reason.

      1. Dashboard Buddha

        Oooh…I'd like to go to New Zealand, however…NZ All Blacks – yay!Wetas – boo!—

          1. WunkRocker

            Ah come one, who is up for renting out the WunkHouse for the DNC in Car Lot NC? Most of the plumbing works and is indoors.

  1. Barb

    It's not really my news to announce…..
    The par-tay will end up in New Mexico eventually and I will be there. Yes, I am serious.
    Stay tuned for further announcements.

    Jeff said that when he meets Becca, he's going to kiss her like a mule chewing an apple.

      1. Barb

        Nah, we'll probably head to one of Jeff's 3 casinos and wind up getting arrested. Can we count on you for bail money, please?

        1. flamingpdog

          Just ask your parents for $20 k for the bail. Doesn't every family have 20K to give the kids?

    1. Jukesgrrl

      How long does it take to drive there from Tucson? You know I have to watch my mum, but I could bring her. She likes to gamble so she could sit in front of a slot machine as well as a TV.

      1. Barb

        7 hours-ish from Tucson. I would be so honored and completely thrilled to me you, Jukes.

    2. flamingpdog

      Have you ever seen the tongue on a mule? Now I know why you're so madly in love with the Jeffer.

      1. Barb

        Come to the party in New Mexico and you will see exactly why I am so in love with the Jeffer.

          1. Barb

            Lol, Fare. Jeff does look good all nakkie and stuff. He's just really good looking. Remember how we met? I saw him in an airport, he walked up to me, I told him I love him and we kissed.

            I can feel my cheeks flushing.

    1. HistoriCat

      They could come to Texas and probably start a giant cat fight over where in Texas they should go.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            Well, I didn't want to be a homer and go all San Antonio on y'all. And Austin is on my mind because I'll be checking out Tom Petty & HBs at the Frank tomorrow night. Fucking national treasure and all that.

      1. emmelemm

        I'm kinda grumpy, because I'm actually going to BE in L.A. for a couple of days right before Memorial Day. Missed it by *that* much.

        And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take my dog for a walk. In the rain. In Seattle.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      Herman's bringing the pizzas. His are so shitty we gave him the wrong address.

  2. Not_So_Much


    Fuck you current Red State address! Fuck you with a red hot poker!

  3. bobloblawlawblg

    i'll be coming. shit, i'm coming right now thinking about free beer and fried food.

  4. Goonemeritus

    If you show up in Detroit wearing that cat suit you will definitely need that whip.

  5. memzilla

    Take Old Route 66 to the "symposium", the signs are great!

    - Wonkette snarkers –
    – Sped by here –
    – 'Cuz Commiegirl was –
    – Buying the beer! –

    — Burma Shave –

  6. Radiotherapy

    II am such an old POS now, I remember when this was the "DC" gossip blog.
    But srsly, we went to the Wonkette Halloween party at The Hunt Club some two years ago and I can assure that you will meet the most interesting, handsome people. And the buttsechs was to die for….

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Heh… so nowadays, East Coast frivolity amongst fellow wonketteers is not a 'right' but a privilege.
      And I must've gotten there too late for the high-octane antics you refer to — were any of the costume winners wearing catsuits?

      1. Radiotherapy

        There was a time when the two Riley's were not in my line of site….just sayin'.
        Yeah, and fuck these West Coast elites, with their electronic cigarettes and Sonoma syrup. The East Will Rise Again. How about in the ol' rebel Capital of Richmond?

        1. Butch_Wagstaff

          You rang?

          Stuffing our faces & gettin' drunk down in Shockoe Bottom then takin' a trip to western Henrico county & stopping to take pisses at the statues of the heroes of the Confederacy on Monument Avenue along the way.

          Sounds good to me. Maybe we could thrown in mooning McDonnell.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And the buttsechs was to die for….

      That is why you should always wear a condom.

  7. hagajim

    The Wonkette is likely always welcome in the western part of Oregon. Stay away from the east side though – a bit too red for the Wonkette, and they have gunz.

    1. Z Crudmonger

      Oh, we have gunz here on the westslope of the Cascades, too. Oregon is very gunny, something about "go west, young man, and kill stuff."

  8. Limeylizzie

    I have to decline, it is not my month to fly my vagina across the Rockies to MrLimeyLizzie.

        1. Steverino247

          What was that rock song by The Knack?

          Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

          My vagina!

    1. PuckStopsHere

      Screw the Rockies. Bring those Grand Tetons of yours to Detroit in June!

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      You and your spouse only see each other every TWO MONTHS?

      (Sounds like just about the perfect marriage. Just enough time for sex, not enough time for fighting.)

      1. Limeylizzie

        It varies, if i am working he comes here and if he is on location I go wherever that may be, he was doing a TV pilot in Chicago last year so we spent 4months together, so it all depends but we made a pact that if we spend more than 8 weeks apart we each have carte blanche to cheat! So, we NEVER spend more than 8 weeks apart.

  9. el_donaldo

    I would come to meet you if you came to Philadelphia. Or Trenton, if you're going to make me buy my beer. If it's not free I'm not friggin driving to Philly.

  10. OneYieldRegular

    If it's still going strong on Saturday morning, please post something. I won't be able to drive down there until then.

  11. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Seattle Seattle Seattle seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle

    Btw: I have access to free beer.

    Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle Seattle.

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Y'know, that's what we should do. Have the Wonkette Snarconvention™ at his place during the off-season.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Guys, guess what? It's still the off-season. Very special rates for professed Wonketeers and there is a microbrewery tasting room a 30 second crawl from our front door. Also a tiny brewpub three blocks up the street for those ambitious folks who want to go exploring.

            I'm on all next weekend, so I can be your drinking tourguide while getting paid to do it.. This should happen.

            (But if you show up *this* weekend, I'm gonna make you go on a bike ride with me.)

      2. Fairtackle

        Surfing in the morning and boozey snarkfest in the evening kinda sounds like fun.

    1. savethispatient

      Add my name to that list. I've not met any Wonketteers since Nov '08 in the Lava Lounge. We drank Wonkettinis with AnnieGetYerFun and KevoTron.

        1. Extemporanus

          You know what else were good times, you Skittles & hearts-sharting year-old milk carton cartoon cameo of a magically mono-horny highly missed commenter, you?

          (It's fucking KevoTron, you guys! Fucking KevoTron!!)

        2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

          It's been nearly a year since you last posted, KevoTron. Nice to know you are still around.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Given that a majority of Wonketters apparently live in Washington, and not DC, it would make sense. Heck, hold it down in Olympia and you can get the Portland crowd to join in. I would volunteer Tacoma, but I'm sure it is to difficult to fly in with bullet proof vests now days.

    3. Doktor StrangeZoom

      If there's ever a Seattle meetup, I will drive in from Boise.


      1. Not_So_Much

        I'm just glad to know there is another wonker in the state. The total demand for Idaho just *doubled* bitches!

    4. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Don't mind us Editrix. We're just gonna plan our own meeting up here in the rain. Maybe we'll invite you. :)

      1. weejee

        We have beer right under our office in the seedy CD. Although I'll be out at the Latona just off of Green Lake this evening. emmelemm lives up that way somewhere about the Betty Page house. The Latona has a good assortment of beer, wine, & cocktails, good pub grub, and could likely reserve the upstairs.

        1. emmelemm

          I am up that way! Unfortunately, I have to work like 24/7 for the next couple of weeks, so I can go on a short vacation over Memorial Day.

          Seattle meet-up in June! {crosses fingers}

          1. Doktor StrangeZoom

            This "june" thing sounds promising…for those of us in the hinterlands of the PNW, a bit of planning may be needed.

    5. savethispatient

      I'm sure I wrote this the other day… but I don't see it, so anyway:
      By starting this thread, I'm afraid you've volunteered to organize. :)
      Also, free beer?

  12. MuslinMosk

    Aww, no way I could make it in time with traffic after work's over.

    Wanna change it to Busby's West instead?

    1. commiegirl

      Nope. Busby's east is one mile from my house, and I shall be hoofing it drunkenly home. You can't get there by nine-thirty? You working the swing shift these days?

      1. MuslinMosk

        I could get there by 9:30, but then all the free beer will be gone and WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT RIGHT?!? (Also I am really lazy and hate driving in rush hour.)

      2. Boojum

        Will you put me on a pretend retainer, so that I can pretend it is a business expense? Because I'm a GREAT pretend lawyer!

  13. SayItWithWookies

    Poor Los Angeles — they'll miss having me on a hellbent-for-leather drunk — but if our Wonkette comes to DC (or better yet, the liberal bastion of the south, Richmond, VA), I will be there.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I'd be up for that — there'd be no need to fly home, which I hear is bad for hangovers.

  14. whiterabid

    Darn. I was in LA two weeks ago, and I went to Palermo on Vermont every night. Why don't you schedule a stop in Boulder or Denver, home of the biggest 4/20 in the country?

      1. whiterabid

        I used to live on Dracena 15 years ago. Small world, big city. BTW, am I wrong, or is the Brown Derby now a Chase Bank?

  15. qwerty42

    Well, darn, wrong side of the country. But hope all the Wonkette-folk have a good time. Here's a cheerfull tune on LA.

  16. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    You would be surprised how many Tennesseans say "NASHVILLE! NASHVILLE! NASHVILLE!" right about now. Bosco's. Cool Springs. SRSLY.

    deit: Also, fuck Atlanta… unless I'm not supposed to say that.

      1. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        …before Hartsfield bounces you up to Nashville, anyway. It's a Southwest Hub too. No Dick Branson in them ice cubes!

    1. Nothingisamiss

      We in Atlanta are already fucked.

      But I'd drive to an adjoining red state, maybe. Aren't we disallowed from saying "gay" anywhere up there, though? Unless it's like, "That's so gay," and it's said by a school administrator to a little kid who's crying.

    1. commiegirl

      We will get up there soon, Miss. Maybe we'll even get up there before Detroit. (Which is probably June 8.) If you haven't all WORN ME OUT by then with your constant demands!

      1. Fukui-sanYesOta


        As Anthony Bourdain puts it: "SF is a two-fisted drinking town"

        1. commiegirl

          Tell him my mama was the lady in The War Room chanting "Let Jerry Speak." He'll remember.

          1. glasspusher

            The only time I talked to him directly was a couple of years ago, I was changing the oil in my car and he was jogging by. He started talking to a guy he knew who was driving by and stopped, and I said "Jerry, get out of the road, if you get killed I can't vote for you" and he replied "Nah, they ain't gonna hit me!"

          2. Fukui-sanYesOta

            Haha. Jerry is as corrupt as everyone else, but at least he's smart and a Democrat as well.

            When he was mayor of Oakland, his buddy Jacques Barzaghi was a super-corrupt unelected "friend" of Jerry who got protected from … wait, I have to stop short of libel/slander here.

            Anyway, long and short, wifey used to be on the campaign team for Jerry and couldn't face voting for him this time around, even over nightmare Whitman. I had to fill out the voting form (which I believe might be VOTER FRAUD since I'm not allowed to vote) for her.

            Wifey doesn't remember CommieMom, I asked.

    1. commiegirl

      I am thinking DC or NYC in between the conventions, since we will be on that godforsaken side of the country.

      1. SorosBot

        *sigh*. Philly always get ignored.; New York and Washington get all tghe attention, we might as well not exist.

          1. Mumbly_Joe

            Not the Chinatown buses per se; they only have chatty alcoholics and dangerous drivers who don't know the region terribly well.

            Bolt and Mega have wifi, and can be almost as cheap, but you have to book forever in advance, and honestly, if I actually wanted to schedule a departure and arrival time for something, I might as well just shell out the money for Amtrak, and not end up spending 3-5 hours feeling like a veal calf. With wifi.

        1. commiegirl

          Yes we will do Charlotte and Tampa. (By the way, can you put up me and Newell?)

          1. qwerty42

            I seem to recall that Charlotte has a kind of pretty downtown, and maybe a streetcar line or two. Also a huge fortress-like county jail. Kind of an Orthanc. Well, it was night and we were walking to the hotel. Oh yeah, there are a bunch of banks there.

          2. Boojum

            Will you put me on a pretend retainer, so that I can pretend it is a business expense? Because I'm a GREAT pretend lawyer!

            And Atlanta!

          3. commiegirl

            Not yet, and sure when we finally meet, he'll be properly terrified, as is only appropriate.

      2. Mumbly_Joe

        That is super-awesome, I've been pining for a New York Wonkdrinkymeet thing, ever since I happened to be in DC at the same time as one, a while back.

      3. Millennial Malaise

        Oh my gawd! NYC or DC, I live in the former and I was raised in the latter. Bolt Bus will be my bitch if necessary.

    2. Steverino247

      Driving through NYC on 7/6/12. Trying to get the wife to go see Roger Waters at Yankee Stadium that night, but fat chance, probably.

  17. Tundra Grifter

    The first 10 pitchers are on you? I do believe that pretty much makes y'all the catchers, doesn't it?

    PS: After Detroit how about San Francisco? Everybody loves San Francisco. Well, except for George Bush (43), of course. But that's a good thing. Right?

      1. CountryClubJihadi

        Me, three.
        And I would be honored to host a proper cocktail party in Silicon Valley.

        1. glasspusher

          I can see it from my bedroom window- 9 miles as the crow flies. Me and Ms glasspusher are in! She works there anyway…(SF, that is)

  18. Schmannnity

    Just putting it out there: Miami June to November is Hurricane and Palmetto Bug Season, two excuses for a party.

  19. dewan_gibson

    I'll be there. Riding in style on the Greyhound from San Diego. Hope there's space to store my luggage, which will be carried in a plastic garbage bag.

  20. flamingpdog

    Benincasa stood me up in Denver in March, Commie Girl. Bring her to Denver with you if and when you can ever make it to the Queen City. It ain't called the Queen City for nothin'.

      1. flamingpdog

        I spent four years in Williamsburg, VA, and I thought IT was the Queen City. Or, at least on campus it was.

        1. BelleSC

          Whaddaya know….Charlotte's the Queen City too.

          From Wiki: "Nicknamed the Queen City, Charlotte and its resident county are named in honor of Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, who had become queen consort of British King George III the year before the city's founding."

  21. Pres.Beeblebrox

    I so wish I could be there. Please come to Delaware sometime so we can have a tour of Famous Delaware Sites like Joe Biden's house (with the outbuildings he rents to the Seekrit Service), Joe Biden's Amtrak station, Christine O'Donnell's apartment/Campaign Nerve Centre, the Punkin' Chunkin', and the World's Largest Frying Pan.

    1. Mumbly_Joe

      A teacher friend of mine teaches at Joe Biden's prep school; I love how virtually everything notable about Delaware can be prefaced with "Joe Biden's […]"

    2. finallyhappy

      The World's Largest Frying Pan- do you mean 95 and 40 and 13 when traffic is totally fucked in the summer? What about real Delaware highlights like the WAWA in Glasgow?

    1. flamingpdog

      I like older women, but Julie ain't all that far behind Betty White. I saw her about 10 years ago at a comics, old toys, etc. convention, and I think she spent a little too much time in the sun in her younger days.

  22. ingloriousbytch

    You guys have got to come to Ohio one of these days. Come on! We're a swing state!

  23. Callyson


    I have an exam and can't.

    Maybe I'll see if I can take the test on Wednesday…

      1. Callyson

        Looks like that exam will not take the whole three hours, so I will be there late, but I will be there. Yes!

    1. flamingpdog

      Is one of your grandmothers still alive? Is she available to "die" that day?

      1. Callyson

        Update! Looks like the exam is not going to take the whole three hours, so I will be there on the late side. Yay!

  24. Wonderthing

    Wah. If I still lived in Silverlake I would slum on over. But I don't, can't, and will sit home bitter and alienated with my Robitussin and tonic. Waaaaah. Have fun y'all!

    1. Jukesgrrl

      I vote for that to go on some kind of conference call. Get Limey Lizzie on it. She can audition Wonkers who want to play Kwame (this is a job for you, Negropolis!). If there are any royally pissed off messages from a wronged woman, I'd like to try out to read those.

  25. RadioRehab

    OK, Wonkette get together etiquette question: Do you divulge your screen names?

    1. Mumbly_Joe

      I think I remember this being a contentious issue at a DC meet a while back, right around the Daily Show rally; I don't remember what the popular consensus was, but a friend of mine who came with me got a particular glee out of introducing me as my internet name, because of an embarrassing episode from our college years.

      1. Mumbletypeg

        Refresh my memory, fellow mumbler. It is surely a more worthwhile story than how I got my handle. I don't remember if you shared its origins then or not.

        1. Mumbly_Joe

          Oh, I'm pretty sure the story itself remained undivulged, but it more interesting the origins per se of my handle as well (which is simply, a Simpsons reference that suits my inarticulate nature).

          Anyway, sigh, the short version is, I met a charming, and moreover, extremely assertive young lady at a campus shindig, and ended up retiring to a nearby computer science seminar room, which was unoccupied, but lacking doors, was still semi-public. Subsequently, we chatted, and I mentioned in passing something I might have blogged about just recently, upon which this lady exclaimed, "Oh my God, you're Mumbly_Joe!". She then apparently recounted this entire story in graphic detail on the Internet, which is how my friend found out.

          Honestly, my friend would definitely not recount this story for people, he just finds it amusing to obliquely reference it and smirk a lot. Because he is a jerk. And I was his best man, two weeks ago.

          1. Mumbletypeg

            And I was his best man, two weeks ago.

            I do remember meeting & talking w/ him. Please pass along to him my congrats and my gratitude he put you up in DC for the multitude of events transpiring that weekend. I haven't had the chance to tell you but, the next day at the Rally we ran into DC ValleyGirl (commenter) & her beau/husband (commenter who stayed incognito — he was cheerfully buying many of us beers) by sheer chance, out of that huge crowd, & having just met them at the Big Hunt the night previous? Freaking small world.

      2. Limeylizzie

        I am not sure of this, but I think I might be the only Brit with huge tits, so ….

    2. Tundra Grifter

      I would plan on happily providing a screen name – just not mine.

      It's like any party you attend where you don't know a single person – you can tell any story you want.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          That is so sweet of you! Thank you very much!

          I really can't be Limey Lizzie – I don't have that many tube sox to stuff with.

          When Wonkette comes to SF I will be you!

    3. Fare la Volpe

      I'm probably the only commenter who's under 25, so I'll stick out like a baby-faced ginger thumb.

      1. Mumbly_Joe

        Not quite the only one; I actually think the commenter age distribution is weirdly bimodal; I'm definitely a 20-something for another year and a half, and constantly surprising people by saying so, and I seem to remember some other regular (possibly Sorosbot???) similarly hinting that they were a young'un.

        I'd say that being a ginger still means you'd stand out, but then again, there's still Jim.

        1. MissTaken

          SorosBot and I are both 36. If you consider that being young'uns, I love you!

          The average age here at work is 26. They think it's gross that I was born in the 70's. I think so, too, but for entirely different reasons.

          1. smokefilledroommate

            3rd! shit, I guess it's exactly four months from now.. I have the same bday as Charlie Sheen! (I tell everyone that when I first meet them. Then I watch them run away).

          2. glasspusher

            Relax. Early forties is the new late thirties. Of course, now I'm late forties…

          3. CapnFatback

            I'm hitting that milestone in two-and-a-half months, so, uh, neener-neener-boo-boo (on me)?

          4. flamingpdog

            I'll be 36 if 1989 ever comes around this way again. But that's not gonna happen. Wouldn't be prudent.

        2. Fare la Volpe

          I think Vodkamuppet mentioned being youngish, but he's also about to be a new dad, which makes him automatically an Olde.

          There are probably a few 20-somethings, but I'm probably the only one who regularly gets mistaken for a high schooler. About three weeks ago I went to help out my mother at a career fair she was throwing for local school kids, and the coordinator kept trying to hand me information on college admissions. I wanted to shove my bachelor's degree in her face.

          1. Mumbly_Joe

            Oh, I hear ya. I'm sufficiently round-faced that even with the streaks of grey spontaneously sprouting at my temples, I apparently frequently register as "dubiously over 21" to people. I actually make it a point to keep facial hair, because it ages me up by 8 years. Oh, and then I wear glasses, to knock one or two years off of that tally again.

          2. DemmeFatale

            My brother-in-law used to grow facial hair, but it looked particularly sinister on him. He looked like a terrorist.
            (He's probably on a no-fly list somewhere.)

          3. Jukesgrrl

            Maybe you could get the adorable Riley Waggaman to stop by, or is he still in Europe? Just don't show him any pix of cute cats.

          4. BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I got carded going into a rated R movie when I was 27. Unfortunately now I get the glance up and down before not being carded for alcohol. Also, back then they thought I was a teenage boy.

          5. Lascauxcaveman

            Last time I got carded, I was 44. About a week after my birthday.

            (It was in a dark bar, I was dressed like a particularly misguided highschooler – khaki shorts and polo shirt. I think the bartender was probably more drunk than I was.)

          6. BaldarTFlagass

            Shit, I'm 52 and get carded every time I order a drink. At the airport, anyway.

          7. OneYieldRegular

            At my age, I still get carded too, but I suspect it's mostly to provide reassurance that I can still (literally) hold my liquor.

          8. vodkamuppet

            I'm 32 and my ex made up that pregnant thing just to fuck with me. Nice girl that one. Coming to the Detroit meet up?

          9. Fare la Volpe

            Dude that's…Jesus. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? I hope you kicked that bitch to the curb.

            And yes, I will definitely be at the Detroit meet-up! Find the baby-faced ginger kid and your first drink's on me, man. It sounds like you need it.

    4. WhatTheHeck

      What if we show up and other people from the office – including the boss – also show up??????

      1. HistoriCat

        You say, "I have to find my friend. The one I've been planning to meet here for a week." Then go hide.

        1. Designer_Rants

          And Plan B (for if Boss isn't cooperating): Everyone wonders where the boss is on Monday… (destroy the surveillance tapes, hell, burn the whole block — tragic, really).

    5. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Ima divulge my screen name right now. Its bigskullf*ckingdog. Whew! Its good to get that off my chest!

    6. CthuNHu

      The ash-blonde wallflower waif in the wrist-and-ankle-covering Mennonite dress? AngryBlakGuy.

    7. BelleSC

      I wouldn't have to. If you heard me speak you'd know it was me.

      After reading the replies in this thread it has occurred to me that I am prolly a little old to hang out with this crowd.

  26. rocktonsam

    I thought Saturday night was Wonkett drunk and get laid night. Besides, I'd have to start riding my bike now from Madison to get there,

    Please post titty pictures.

    'Stay out of trouble you crazy kids.'

  27. Arken

    I will try to come next week, but toddlers tend to make one want to go to bed early.

  28. czpalau

    Thanks to your old age and east coast schedule I can make it! Will you be unveiling an iphone app, finally?

      1. flamingpdog

        Just steal one of those farting apps and pass it off as your own. That should delight most Wonketeers.

        1. Designer_Rants

          Delighted just thinking about it! And those farts on the app have clever names, but we could do our best to name them after politicians.
          — Sarah Fartin?
          — Joe the Plopper?
          — Barack O'ToiletBomber?
          Those aren't near as funny as you guys can come up with.

      2. Fukui-sanYesRadio

        I also would/could do that, but what would it do over being able to browse our favourite website on Safari on the iPhone?

  29. Beowoof

    Damn the closest one is Detroit, and I have this job they want me to show and do at least until the 3rd week in May. If you come to anywhere in the Upstate NY corridor from Albany to Buffalo, I am in.

  30. SheriffRoscoe

    I'll be there! (If I can get a couple of outstanding warrants taken care of.)

  31. barto

    Dammit, and here I am chairing some stupid Health Care for All meeting – otherwise I'd be there!

    1. Chichikovovich

      Maybe you'll get lucky, and everyone will already have health care before Thursday.

  32. Chichikovovich

    I can't be in LA, but,….Detroit? Really? This isn't some of that ironic discourse snarky thing that you Wonkettistas do, is it? I hope not, because that would really rock.

    1. Powerpuff_Grl

      Hey Chichi – there ain't no party like a detroit party 'cuz a Deetroit party don't stop

  33. Fare la Volpe

    Next up will be Detroit in early June

    Wait…for real? For real for real? Serious?

    Well twist my tits — I'm moving to Ann Arbor in early June!! I'll be able to go if Rebeccs is totally not pulling my leg!!! YAY!

    1. ThundercatHo

      Holy smokes, you are only going to be about an hour or so due north of me. I've heard wonderful things about Ann Arbor music and artsy-fartsy wise.

      1. Negropolis

        And, Kalamazoo is the Ann Arbor of the West, and Yspi is well…Ypsi. Poor Ypsi.

    2. Biff

      An imaginary internet friend of mine runs the music program at Crazy Wisdom Tea Room, say hi to her!

    1. JustPixelz

      Comparing avatar to logo, I'm pretty sure it's Barb. (Though sometimes we see what we wanna see.)

  34. chilequiles

    Goddammit, I suppose this means I have to do the laundry this month…. I'll do my best to be there. Wonkette Smokeout starts at 9:31 right?

  35. Beanball

    Here's a review of Busby's from the Google thing.

    Worst management I've ever seen and a huge sausage fest.. If you like to hang out with a bunch of angry little asians kids then you'll love it

    Sounds like our editrix really knows how to pick 'em.

    1. commiegirl

      That might be Busby's West. Busby's East is a bizarrely decorated sports bar full of a very mixed, very mellow, and usually older crowd.

      But hey, you know, believe some random person on Google, it's cool.

      1. Designer_Rants

        That was me who wrote that. I used to go to Busby's every Wednesday at 6:50 sharp to pick up their used fryer oil for my bio diesel VeeDub bus. But then old man Busby decided that Thursdays would work better for him than Wednesdays. THE FUCKIN NERVE of these people! I'm doing HIM a favor! Plus, the one time I ate there, I asked the waiter for a lime wedge, NOT a lemon wedge, in my water. Didn't even listen to me. I also wrote every other bad review on Busbys, probably, cuz JUSTICE. Hey, if you see him before I do, tell him 6:50 sharp, Thursday. I want my fryer oil.

  36. Steverino247

    Well, if I don't win the night at Clooney's house with BO, I could drive up after work. Probably get there about 7 to 7:30. Free beer is a better offer than mine to you of hotdogs at Pink's, fer sure. If I win the C/BO event, you'll have to stick around until I get done for the "after party" OK?

    So, pencil me in and if you hear faint whooping sounds from the south, you'll know I'm off to Clooney's place.

    EDIT: Hey, that's not far from the Tar Pits. I know where that is. (Can we throw a Republican into the tar when we get drunk? I mean, mammoths look a lot like elephants and all…)

  37. Tundra Grifter

    Dear Editrix:

    If you wear that catsuit and carry that whip, that place is gonna be packed.

  38. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Now, if you can only get Ken to come out of his bunker for a victory lap, I would even think of flying down.

          1. flamingpdog

            Will it be BYOF or will you be providing the barbeque pit AND the fetuses?

  39. Blueb4sunrise

    Is this one of those internet things where I can ask a bunch of strangers for money so I can go party?

  40. DocChaos

    The idea of traveling over the hill and driving in circles looking for free parking, so I can stand awkwardly in the corner nursing my free beer while eavesdropping on the conversations of others appeals to me, but it is unfortunately my poker night.

    1. James Michael Curley

      Giant parking lot down the street. Was City of LA decades ago, right across from the museum. Have no idea what the night life is like in the 'Miracle Mile' these days but decades ago after 8:00 pm you could walk nekkid down the meridian and few people would see you and those who did, didn't care.

      1. Barb

        James, which party will you be attending? I hope you will be at one of them. I'm just dying to meet you.

        1. James Michael Curley

          Somewhere on the East Coast. You’ll recognize me; I’m smaller than Chris Christie.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Last time I was there I don’t think the standing one was. I have a picture of me sitting on the bench with me handing me a white envelope over stuffed with cash.

  41. PuckStopsHere

    Detroit is excited! I can't remember the last time somebody came to visit us, although I understand the Kansas City Royals were here recently. If I am still alive in June (this is something you have to say if you live in Detroit, for the record) I will be there for sure! Should I wear my goalie gear? I think not as it is difficult to drink while wearing the mask. But if that is the kind of thing that turns you on (nudge, nudge saynomore)…

      1. Harry_S_Truman

        Oh, sure! Someone mentions Detroit, and all you can think about is being safe. #DetroitLibel

      2. flamingpdog

        Just don't use the Google like Beanball did earlier. Consult the Bing instead.

    1. Harry_S_Truman

      The last time someone really important came here, it was Dennis Christopher, when he got stuck overnight at Metro Airport shortly after his starring role in Breaking Away.

    2. UnholyMoses

      At least KC won a freaking game … and did so against the Yankees last night for their first win at home.


      Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go kick David Glass square in the balls …

  42. Harry_S_Truman

    Dee-fuckin'-troit? Like for real? No one ever comes here. Too bad I'll be busy that night. (What night is it?)

  43. Mort_Sinclair

    Well, what I don't see here is any mention of Massachusetts. What, do you have to live in a tea-bagger Christian F-350 racist shit-hole to get anybody from Wonkette to show up?

    1. Harry_S_Truman

      Oh, gawd. Just what this site needs: more unabashed Yankee Exceptionalism. Good grief, Mort. (Just love the powerful 'stache, though.)

  44. tomrfinn

    THE WEST SIDE, BUT THE TRAFFIC?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

    I will probably still come…

  45. themcwow

    Darnabbit! May 10 is my other kid's birthday. Please o please have another party in or near L.A. It would be a dream cum true.

    1. JustPixelz

      But it's a party. Just throw in some cake. And what kind of parent wouldn't bring his/her child to a Wonkette free beer party in a sports bar?

  46. commiegirl

    There has been an IMPORTANT UPDATE. We suggest you read it, Westsiders. Pfft.

    1. flamingpdog

      Prolly a lot less traffic between Ohio and Detroit than between half of LA. Not like there's a whole lotta people in that stretch of Mur'ca that can afford the gas to drive anywhere these days.

  47. AlterNewt

    I will be there. So will my girlfriend because otherwise I can't bring my penis.

  48. Freewayblogger

    I'll try to schedule an LA signhanging blitz in your honor. And possibly show up…

  49. imissopus

    Oh the irony! I live not far from Busby's East but I will be visiting family on the East Coast next Thursday. I mean, I can still get drunk and scream "Show us your tits" when I'm at my brother's house, but I don't think my four-year-old nephews will get it. Although who knows, kids are weird.

    Oh well, next Benincasa visit.

      1. fuflans

        well i was hoping you would all just come to chicago.

        ( but in truth i heard that on the radio last night and it was in my head).

        plus, you know, nato.

  50. CivicHoliday

    I can haz St. Louis party?? Maybe you can follow Bammerz here next time he comes to campaign. Just track the scent of Brut, sweat and raisins.

  51. WhatTheHeck

    I’ll try to be there. It won’t be hard to recognize me. I look like my avatar.

  52. finallyhappy

    If you do Dc- maybe I will come this time. I may be in Charlotte for the convention so I would definitely come to your party as you would be the only people I know besides the President(ok, he doesn't know me but then neither do you.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Dc- maybe I will come this time

      I encourage you to do so. Whatever kept you from coming to the last one — it was so very worth it. ("it"= the drive; the peeps who also showed up even from FL and NY; the hangover next day, the fleabag motel, & nearly passing out from hunger while walking around the Sanity Rally)

  53. winnyfranfran

    Great! As soon as I move away from Detroit, Wonkette decides to visit. I am always in the wrong place at the wrong time!

  54. walkingthecow

    I will be there from the Westside, probably via bus! In LA! How's that for dedication?! (Also, cars are expensive.)

  55. rocktonsam

    Come to Madison it has everything you need….wink

    its like Columbia without the Secret Service

    stay out of trouble you crazy kids

  56. FakaktaSouth

    Well allrighty then, a thing to look forward to – it sounds like this is going to turn into a tour of sorts and there have been a couple of places mentioned that even my country come to town dumbass could find and get to – boobs out, of course, especially for the NYC. Fantastic.

    1. Barb

      Trampndirtdown, I guess that means I will have to buy less limes for my New Mexico party and the bestest margaritas evah!

  57. MnLibTdGrl

    Wish I could, but that is a long way from Minnesota. Hope you all have tons of fun and don't get alcohol poisoning!

  58. emmelemm

    Off topic but still on-topic of sucking up to Wonkette: I ordered Miss Sara Benincasa's book this past weekend, and have started it, and it is divine! All Wonketteers with a modicum of disposable income should look into it.

    1. flamingpdog

      Hear, hear*! I was gonna buy three more for friends if I could get sweet Sara to sign them, but (!sniff) she couldn't make it to my town. Are you lurking, red-headed goddess?

      *correctiwonkle spelling

      1. ElPinche

        That's right. I have one rule , No semen on the furniture. Bristol's creampies would be a disaster.

  59. BarackMyWorld

    Sorry…no can do.

    -I have my daughter that weekend.
    -I'm creepy as hell in person, and not at all funny or fun to be around.
    -I don't want anyone (Benincasa) hitting me with a restraining order, even if it's out of state.
    -Oh, yeah…sadly, Los Angeles is over 1,600 miles away.

    I'm tempted to go to Detroit in June, but there's a chance I'll just keep driving right into Canada.

    1. Angry_Marmot

      I'll steer towards Detroit, though the pull of the titty bars in Windsor is strong. If I bring my attending veterinarian, her threat of a quick fix will keep me in line.

    2. Barb

      BMW, I find that so very odd. I find you incredibly interesting and witty. One of the top people here. I won't name the scale, so that I won't piss anyone off. Let's just put it this way, if I appeared on a game show you would be a "phone a friend" and I would depend on you greatly.

      How can someone be impressive here and not impressive in real life? I've heard people say, "I wish I could be witty" and the truth of the matter is that either you are witty or you are not. It is not a learned talent and it is not something you can force. Dear GOD, don't try to force it or you just make it worse.

      1. BarackMyWorld

        Thank you, but I've always believed I only seem funny in writing because you awesome folks are adding your own comedic delivery to my posts as you read them and making them funnier than they would be if I was saying them.

        1. Barb

          I don't buy it, sorry. There is no benefit to me to bullshit you. You are a very interesting, insightful and witty person, like it or not.

          I'm going to piss people off now, get over it everyone. BarackMyWorld, if I had to choose three people to be a "Phone a Friend" in a Wonkette contest, you are on that list. I'm not saying we are "chummy" or even "besties" I am just telling you that if Becca called tonight and said that we were going to some sort of contest and we had to represent Wonkette and I had to pick three people, you'd be packing your jammies for the trip, seriously.

          I will never name the other two, cross my heart.

        2. finallyhappy

          Don't worry about being creepy- given my age- it is just creepy that I would consider showing up.t being just a old(er) woman not too well dressed, I can pass as a homeless person. I know that is true because the women at the soup kitchen in Maryland and the shelter in DC where I volunteer- are frequently better dressed and certainly better groomed than me(they wear make-up, style their hair- I take a shower and brush my hair).

          1. commiegirl

            You take showers and brush your hair? Then you have half of us beat by a mile, duh.

          2. Mumbletypeg

            wear make-up, style [vs.] brush hair… // … not too well dressed

            by this account, your presence would assure me I'd feel *right* at home.

      2. Guppy

        How can someone be impressive here and not impressive in real life?

        Real life has people in it and requires social skills.

        1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

          Crazy talk. You can beat them down with force of personality, snark and smell.

          Wait, hang on.

        1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

          Maybe your friends are sucky flatliners(*)? You've always seemed smart and hilarious to me.

          * Mondo 2000 joke from, um, 1992 or something. Sorry.

  60. MnLibTdGrl

    My previous attempt to decline has not appeared yet. The message did say that a Wonket administrator would have to approve it though. Perhaps my heartfelt note did not pass muster. If so, this one too shall go to the etherwebz. I DID try to sign up and comment dear Editrix!!!!!!


  61. C_R_Eature

    Well now, this L.A. shindig sounds wonderful and I'd enjoy Hanging Out with you people but, unfortunately, I just won't drive 2760 miles to be social, even for free beer. Please post some updates for those of us who can't be there so we can react with the appropriate hilarity and flippant commentary.
    EDIT: Three words – Liveblogging, Titties and Beer.

    The closest I'll be to Detroit will be in Wisconsin in early June, but that will be a very different mission with very different people. There will, no doubt be Drinking involved, and I may very well need a bar at some point. Does this place in Detroit serve Cephalopods?

      1. C_R_Eature

        That's two strikes. Dammit, I can't take these things anywhere.

        It's rank discrimination, what it is.

        1. finallyhappy

          Serve cephalopods?- sure, they have great calamari at that bar.

          Being with hundreds/thousands of tourists- every 5th one looks at the Giant Squid and says- ummm, calamari(or some similar brilliant comment)

  62. Chichikovovich

    Not surprising that that post brought you out of the aviary – greetings! (Is your school term finishing about now?)

  63. Lazy Media

    Dang, I'm gonna be in NYC in May. Y'all need to do one of these in DC anytime after August, and I'll go there on my bicycle.

    1. finallyhappy

      Are you one of those people I scream at from inside my car -riding w/o a helmet and in flipflops on 14th street?

      1. Lazy Media

        No, I always wear a helmet, plus sneakers or boots. I'm 50, I have no need to look cool. The only reason I own a pair of flip flops is to use them as shower shoes when I'm down range.

  64. chitrade

    Will there be a shooting competition? Should I bring my 3-gun or IDPA rig?

    Do the Crips do 3-gun, or are they still an IDPA-only club? G-Pac, LilTony and "razer" want to do a rematch, but with all the rules-lawyering I'm feeling it's a wash.

    That's all BS anyway. I'm not venturing out from the US into the California Territories until you all get some train stations and law'n'order out there.

  65. reggiepepper

    Will be there to apologize to the younger generation for leaving you such a fucked up world.

      1. flamingpdog

        Hey, I'm OLD! Besides, it was probably one of the 10 out of 14 stories I didn't have the time to read!

  66. criminogenic

    Any chance of opening an Australian chapter?.. we like our beer deep fried so catering is simple with none of this fancy 'dried' food.

  67. Callyson

    Update–looks like the exam will not take the whole three hours so I will get there when I can, which might not be until 8:45 or so, but I am in!

  68. Hoisted_Peatard

    You know this kinda sucks….why ya'll gotta do me like that…or not do me, that's the point. But seriously, if this party were to swing up to Portland, Or (why won't a commie girl come to the peoples republic of Portland as the local wingnut fauna call it? Conspiracy!) I'd totally be there. But L.A. is too far away and alas I am loaded down with my job at an evil giant bank (which I cannot name for fear they'll somehow know who I am and fire me) and attending classes at OSU. So even though technically I have a life and a job…I somehow work, work,work and yet have no money or social life…imagine that. Okay, I'm repressing it now….ahh, done. Anyway, too bad, sounds like theres going to be a lot of fine female flesh and fun there and I'll be here…okay, I made myself seriously depressed now. Oh and about my job at the big bank…fear not fellow libtards, I do my job badly and don't follow bank procedures on reimbursements…so I'm bringin' it down from the inside.

  69. SockBunny

    You know how hard it is to get to mid-city around 6:30? That said, excited about maybe.

      1. lisawines

        I didn't put the little ' thing in front of '57 so I'm not 57, but 55. But now you can lord it over me, since you are more mature.

  70. BaldarTFlagass

    I'm a total asshole in real life, so I won't inflict myself on y'all except for here.

  71. Jerri

    Come to Milwaukee! Do you have any idea how cheap beer is here? It is so very inexpensive (even the good stuff is pretty cheap, relatively speaking). You could spring for more than 10 pitchers, which you would almost certainly have to do since the 10 would be gone within minutes.

    And, we will could either celebrate recalling that chud, Scott Walker, or weep about failing to recall that chud, Scott Walker.

  72. GorzoTheMighty

    This sounds like a audition to "To Catch a Predator" or an invitation to a drone strike. I think l will hide out in my basement drinking everclear and rainwater waiting for the indictments/ bodycount to be announced on Fox.

  73. widestanceromance

    If/when it happens in the DC area, I would have no problem revealing my screen name, but never my real one.

    We could just walk about with our p-nesses as our name tags?

  74. Oblios_Cap

    '58 Still love going to the beach (or Shore, depending on where I am at the time).

  75. thefrontpage

    I volunteer to co-host if you host a similar gathering in Washington, D.C., which is where I currently work as a U.S. Congressman.

  76. ttommyunger

    No offense, but I think parties suck. On the other hand, find yourself in Atlanta and I'll buy you the greasiest hamburger and coldest beer this side of the Mason-Dixon Line, male or female, straight or ghey. I think Wonketeers are the smartest, funniest most honest people in this benighted Country. Tommy's cell: 404 372 9907.

  77. SaraJBenincasa

    I will be there for like the first hour, probs, and knee everyone in the balls repeatedly.

  78. DahBoner

    Yeah, but what about Waterloo? Tippacanoe?


  79. pamcash

    I am coming! Pam Cash is coming! Why? Because they may call me a whiney assed titty baby, but this time, they might not get away with it? But what if they do??! Will I cry!? Probably.

  80. carouselhijack

    Sure, I'll get sloshed enough to yell obscene things at Ira Glass' image in a movie theater at 8…

  81. Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Ah hell, I don't pay attention for a couple days (now back after hearing Barry loves the gheys) and this breaks out. I'm in LA-adjoining and would love to come be debaucherous with ya'll. But yeah, that stupid job-thing. I'm feeling exploited by the bourgeois again!

  82. StonerLogic

    Yep I'm gonna be there! signed up just for the privilege. been reading this nonsense for too long to stay away..

Comments are closed.