I own you allMitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative cause and sold out, horribly, and irreversibly, to their new best friend Mitt Romney? Aren’t they all going to Hell for this? (Sorry, excuse us, we’re enjoying ourselves, because this is totally what they would say.) Have they all apologized to their readers in the Conservative Movement yet, for selling out so quickly and aligning themselves to this fat cat abortion-loving Space Masshole? It seems the only organization with any integrity on the Republican side is World Net Daily.

The libby media was all excited yesterday when it appeared that chief birther site World Net Daily was invited to the big blogger blood orgy, on Capitol Hill. But no, they were the only god-fearing news organization that didn’t show up. Correct yourself, Calderone!

CORRECTION: 11:56 p.m. — This article has been updated to correct the name of a media organization represented at the meeting. The article originally reported that a World Net Daily representative attended, but The Huffington Post at this time cannot confirm that. A source for the original information misidentified the attendee in question, confusing the letters WND and WHD in notes. The attendee was from White House Dossier, not World Net Daily, the source said. The Huffington Post regrets the error and is following up with additional sources for a more comprehensive list of attendees.

Good on WND. Anyway, here are the true mandarins who went to suckle on the teat of power:

The meeting, which included writers from RedState and as well as a list of conservative publications reported by Huffington Post — National Review, Daily Caller, American Spectator, Washington Examiner, Powerline, Townhall, RiehlWorldView, White House Dossier, and PJ Media (though not, as an early report had suggested, the conspiracist site WorldNetDaily). RNC chairman Reince Preibus also attended.

Kiss that ring, you monsters. Kiss it hard, kiss it with tongue. You love kissing Mitt Romney, admit it. Admit it. He is your hero, and you know it, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. Closed door meeting. Shameful.

[HuffPo, Buzzfeed]

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  • memzilla

    Rmoney: "Why, some of my best friends own media conglomerates."

    • Errrr, to be honest, calling any of them "media conglomerates" would be like calling, oh, I don't know, Michele Bachmann "sane"…

      • finallyhappy

        Yeah, the Examiner throws away more copies than it can give away for free in DC/MD/VA

    • Radiotherapy

      He knows Rebecca?

  • Steverino247

    I would have loved to have the Cheetos and porn concessions for that event. Wow…

  • Generation[redacted]

    Kiss-ass bloggers are people, my friend.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm glad we got all that cleared up.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Welcome, friends. This way to the blowjob table.

  • edgydrifter

    Willard is the whitest of the two candidates, so they know the "base" will forgive them for endorsing him.

  • Schmannnity

    "Good on WND. Anyway, here are the true mandarins who went to suckle on the teat of power"

    Now I'm really confused. I thought the "Teat of Power" was Chris Christie.

    • edgydrifter

      Well, his is more like the "Moob of Power."

    • Boy, that gives a whole new meaning to The Power Twins…

    • fitley

      Chris has the "Teats" of power.

  • GuanoFaucet

    Breitbart would have been there, but he's dead.

    • That wouldn't have stopped a real toadie.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      The ultimate excuse for being a no-show.

    • arihaya

      it's Obummer fault, of course

    • fitley

      I heard they conjured BreitCorpse with a Ouiji board.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      It's too bad that the Obummer and his thugs in the liebrul media murdered the forensics technician who was about to go public with the long-form autopsy report on Andrew Breitbart, which that showed that his stomach contents were, as the coroner described it, a noisome and sticky mixture of Four Loko, pork rinds, bull semen and cocaine crushed oxycontin tablets and methamphetamine, as well as the semen from at least two dozen men.

    • Come here a minute

      Ghost Andrew Breitbart though it was fabulous.

  • timbo71351

    The folks who attended that event would be perfectly content to be transformed into a neutered house cat, napping in the laps of people in power.

  • Baconzgood

    (Unrelated to this post)


    thanks for letting me vent.

    (this comment is 100% snark free)

    • MissTaken

      I'm starting to understand why the last guy had a coronary.

      • Baconzgood

        It makes me mad!!!!!!!! Baconz isn't a high stress person. I do the "soft sale" and that works for me very very well. But these here meetings….I need MissTaken, Sorosbot, Skoal Rebel, Limey Lizzy, Barb, Negropolis etc. etc. to help me through these "meetings".

        • Oh, thanks a lot, Bacon. Thanks a WHOLE fucking lot.

          • Baconzgood

            Oh. I'z sorry!

          • No, you're not. (Hugs the little piglet anyway) Feel better now?

        • tessiee

          *sits silently in corner with big, sad eyes*

          • It'll be Otay, tessiee. You and me will help EACH OTHER through meetings. See if WE care. (sniff!)

      • Chichikovovich

        Me too. So Baconz – In this office, do you sometimes think you hear whispering? Do you seem for just a second to catch the glimpse of something startling in the reflection of the window at twilight? When you go to the elevator, can you see waves of blood gushing out?

        • Baconzgood

          I don't hear wispering anymore. Department Director Dale let me disable the muzak speaker that played Yanni out side my office if I promiced to stop hiding bologna and chicken loaf in his desk and/or air duct, when he left his office unlocked

        • Er … so, where exactly do you work, again, Chich? A street address would be nice.

          (Jesus, and he seems so *normal,* mostly)

        • tessiee

          "When you go to the elevator, can you see waves of blood gushing out?"

          Shouldn't that be in the Stephen King thread?

    • b[redact]opple

      I wish I had an office that some guy died in.

      Is the meeting going on right now? That would be pretty cool.

      • Baconzgood

        It's still GOING. I'm pretending to e-mail clients to look busy. I'm also taking notes too also.

        • MissTaken

          You should tell them that "we should take this discussion offline" and "regroup at a later date" with "fresh eyes" so that you can "build synergy through capitalizing on your individual strengths".

          Works every fucking time.

          • emmelemm


          • tessiee

            Also, optimizing our core competencies in a proactive paradigm.

      • tessiee

        "I wish I had an office that some guy died in."

        I wish I had an office.
        Or a paycheck. A paycheck would be nice.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      fire one up and chill.

    • Take it easy, Baconz. We don't want YOU to have a fucking coronary like the LAST guy.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm just waiting for the long series of articles at Townhall detailing how Socialized Medicine is the real Conservative position, from the Caller on how gay marriage should be now and forever, and from the Spectator detailing how Ted Kennedy was too conservative. Then I'll know that Romney has full control of conservative blogosphere.

  • RedState

    I never believed Irky Irksome could lower himself any further, but apparently the back of his throat is not as reflexive as I first believed.

  • prommie

    Authoritarian followers must have a leader, so even though this one is not what they would truly prefer, they will polish this turd to a sparkling shine, construct a myth that he is smart and strong and handsome and that his farts smell of freshly mown hay, and they will believe the myth with all their might, and one month from now, they will fiercely deny that he was ever even Governor of Massachusetts, they will deny that Mormonism is one bit different from regular old Christ-lovin', and they will defend him with furious anger against anyone showing them photos, films, playing recordings, or otherwise presenting any liberal facts which contradict their beloved myths.

    • GeneralLerong

      I'm starting to think the best liberal fact is a baseball bat – or, in a pinch, a 2×4.

    • tessiee

      "Authoritarian followers must have a leader, so even though this one is not what they would truly prefer, they will polish this turd to a sparkling shine, construct a myth that he is smart and strong and handsome and that his farts smell of freshly mown hay, and they will believe the myth with all their might"

      If they can convince themselves that Little Georgie Bushie a) was fit for any job, let alone the Presidency, b) won both elections fair and square, this new brainwash oughtta be a cinch by comparison.

    • Negropolis


      Conservatives will settle on anything, so long as there someone uncontested at the center of it. And, you know what? This actually helps them win elections in the shortest of terms. You know what else? It is not good for governing, and it's also horrible for their long-term electoral chances.

    • GregComlish

      Until he loses. Then he's going to become McCain the sequel.

      "Next time we need to elect a real conservative!"

    • Wile E. Quixote

      So you're saying that they're going to do the same thing with Rmoney in 2012 that they did with McCain in 2008, where they hated his guts right up until the blah guy became the Democratic front-runner.

  • "Please check your firearms and testicles at the door. Crow will be served at 6:30."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Don't worry, dogmatic conservatives — Mitt's only gonna run as a moderate, because your particularly insane agenda won't fly with the rest of America. It's not like Scott Walker ran on a platform of disenfranchising minority voters, breaking up unions and firing teachers, or Dubya ran on invading Iraq for no reason and tripling the national debt — no, a good conservative saves the real heavy stuff for the surprise the day after inauguration.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I guess that explains the whole "Obama's gonna take yer gunz" thing: They can't help it. It's how they think.

  • Tucker? You got a little something on your nose…looks like a brown ring…

  • The gift baskets included pajamas with Rmoney's family crest on the pocket, lube, and a bag of Cheetos.

  • prommie

    One month from now, they will believe completely and sincerely, that he was born in a log cabin, and learned ciphering by writing with charcoal on a shovel. They will all, believe that he put himself through school, cured cancer, and piloted Apollo 13 safely back to earth. They will believe he opened factories and created jobs and turned down any compensation for it, preferring to drive an old chevy pickup and continue to live like an average Amurrican working man. They will believe that his touch can cure scrofula, and seven months from now, they will believe he won the election, but that it was stolen from them by Acorn's ghost.

    • BerkeleyBear

      And eight months from now they'll all be convinced they never believed any of those things or really supported him since he wasn't conservative enough – which is the only reason he lost.

    • MissNancyPriss

      All cuz he's a whitey

  • HuffingPoo grabbed the wrong Frog word. WHD = White House Dragée, not Dossier. They blog for cross-dressing conservaturds.

  • nounverb911

    I totally read that headline as blogger outed Romney yesterday.

  • MissTaken

    Sounds like Mittens isn't the only one with an Etch-A-Sketch

  • SorosBot

    You know I thought I smelled a giant cloud of BO wafting up from Washington.

    • JustPixelz

      BO? "Breitbart Odor"? He's dead so he smells like Cheney's dinner at the orphanage.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Everyone but the Paultards, bless their hearts.

  • hagajim

    Dang….did these guys all suffer prolapses from pulling their heads out of their asses too fast? Lets jump on the Mittens bandwagon before it leaves us behind.

  • Not_So_Much

    Were the rentboys in there during the meeting or was that for afters?

  • SheriffRoscoe

    FreeRepublic would have sent an emissary, but they couldn't, due to general apoplexy.

  • cheetojeebus

    The first summit of crispy fried rat dick aficionados has come to order.

  • Guppy

    It's not that WND has integrity, it's just that there's necessarily a lag time between a sea change in the conservative blogosphere and when Chuck Norris gets around to plagiarizing it.

  • The best medium for developing the Romney campaign would be agar. Or agar agar, depending on your science teacher.

    • Agar agar is the one you eat. Agar is the one you use to culture stuff.

      • tessiee

        Hocus Pocus is the one you use for magic.
        Mumbo Jumbo is the one that you use for blah magic.
        Oingo Boingo is the one that you use for Danny Elfman.

        • Nothing like rose-flavoured agar-agar with coconut-milk-and-pandan-leaf-flavoured agar-agar in a thin layer on top. We used to pretend we were omophaging with the best of 'em!

          I thought Abracadabra was the one for Blah Magic. No?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm confused. Was the meeting for Mitt to kiss their asses or for them to kiss Mitt's ass? Surely they didn't get together to COMPROMISE or AGREE on something…

    Did they form a circle as in the classic circle-jerk? Or was it more a pilates/yoga put your heels behind your head and see God standing on the tip of your penis sort of thing? (not for Ann, obviously)

    Was Bryan Fisher there to remind Mitt Romney that because the gay guy is gone that Mitt is now and forever Fisher's bitch? Did Mitt remind them that bitches are people too, my friends?

    Shep Smith is right. Politics is weird….and creepy.

  • ph7

    Erik, Tucker, Rich, et al, accepting a free ride may seem like fun, until you realize the voyage is on the RMS Mittantic

  • As you know, ah, you go into the election with the loser, er, candidate you have—not the candidate you might want or wish to have at a later time.

  • rickmaci

    Oh ya. Time to shake the old Mittetch-a-sketch.

  • Beowoof

    They are just behaving as capitalist, taking money to shut and quit saying what a lying asshole Rmoney is.

    • tessiee

      You're sure giving them a lot of credit assuming that they know that Rmoney is a lying asshole.

  • DocChaos

    What no Stormfront representative?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Everybody knew that Mitt was the real conservative all along–until he loses, and then the GOP will have to move to the right if it's to have any hope at all of winning the White House in 2016…

  • Dashboard Buddha

    If you lie down with dogs, you get up with bloggers.

  • RavenRant

    I hope the Capitol Hill Club provided quiet rooms for this oh-so-sensitive chat.

    • The safe word is "collateralized debt obligations"

  • widestanceromance

    Have I gone blind (finally) or has no one said, "All of them, Katie" yet?

    • For my part, I thought that was self-evident from the "sold out" bit

  • PuckStopsHere

    I, for one, am not surprised that WND was a no-show. When I think of integrity, I think of World Net Daily, naturally.

  • pdiddycornchips

    Romney would have promised the VP slot to one of their own but after Brietbart and Hitchens, all the good ones are dead.

  • Antispandex

    " Why have they abandoned the true conservative cause and sold out, horribly, and irreversibly, to their new best friend Mitt Romney? "

    Because he fired that gay guy from his campaign?

  • Radiotherapy

    This is sooo EZ guys. Paint Obama, as Newt and innanity just did, as the most radical leftist president in the history of the US, i.e. move him from right of center, and then Mitt is the clear cut right of center guy.

  • Gainsbourg69

    Free Republic didn't get an invite?

  • sbj1964

    Conservative Republican is just code for Racist white,fear monger.Breitbart's tiny little heart gave out after watching a re-run of Golden Girls.They are all sell outs! Hope they have fun in their little hate chats for another 4 years of PRESIDENT OBAMA! Followed by 8 years of President Hillary Clinton.they are done.

  • This reminds me of that creepy tent meeting where all those A-list conservative pundits gathered to help W. get re-elected. It was like watching Lex Luthor and the Legion of Doom gather in their headquarters that looked like Darth Vader's helmet.

  • arihaya

    Mittens : "All your wacko wingnut blogs belong to us."

  • owhatever

    They agreed in advance not to report on the meeting. That's a whole lot of bullsheets.

  • fitley

    Did they invite Tucker. Because there's one dweeb everybody can goof on.

  • tessiee

    Mitt: Gentlemen?
    All: To evil!

  • Negropolis

    It's a heart vs. head, thing, and the head has finally won out. They hate that he has little core, but they know that what little core is left is that he'll always, always side with money over people, and that's really all they need.

    Plus, the incumbent president is black and Muslin and foreign and liberal.

    Plus x 2, he's probably bribed so many of them it's not even funny. Pay to play, baby; play to pay.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I agree with your analysis except I think it's more of a "little head versus big head" thing. The little Republican head was all hard and turgid for Sarah Palin, then Michele Bachman, then Herman Cain, then Rick Perry, then Rick Santorum, basically anybody but Rmoney, the big head was smart enough to realize that Rmoney is the only Republican candidate who even stands a remote chance of winning.

  • National Review, Daily Caller, American Spectator, Washington Examiner, Powerline, Townhall, RiehlWorldView, White House Dossier, and PJ Media (though not, as an early report had suggested, the conspiracist site WorldNetDaily)

    Can I just say? Against that list, I'm not sure why they singled out World Net Daily as "conspiracist". Shouldn't they use a word that distinguishes it from the other right-wing media?

  • Hoisted_Peatard

    and this is a surprise? Newell you ginger monster you, you know wingnuts are the most easily cowed into conformity people on the entire planet. Of course they'll show up to support the GOP nominee, the Repubes could nominate Karl Marx and they'd all show up to shower him with praise, it's their psychological need for groupthink…bunch of borg idiots. Wingnut bloggers who denounced RMoney not showing up to support the bot now that he's slain their trog heroes would be just like a dog forgetting to lick his balls at every opportunity or Scott Walker forgetting to lick David Kochs balls in the same way…cannot happen, ever. WingNut Daily is just waiting around, Bachmann like until either its gay husband (Farah's porn 'stashe) goes shopping with Ann or someone offers a new Obama conspiracy theory, they'll be there. RMoney owns them all now, just as he thinks is his "god-given right" as a rich synth-human to own everyone who's worth less moneywise than he is…

  • Hoisted_Peatard

    The funny part is going to be seeing smug liberals bring up all the attacks they made on the mittbot for the next six months while watching the idiots try and do verbal gymnastics. The easy answer would be: "we flip-flopped to show how much we're like Mittens!" but of course they aren't honest enough to say so. Sort of like that smug (in the wrong way) asshole pastor who got all these props for saying Mitt isn't a Christ-iun and then endorsed him anyway while saying "he's more Christ-iun than Oba-hma" (rolls eyes). In short, these people have no shame whatsoEVER but they love to rally 'round that greasy, flabby scooter-bound GOP flag!

  • crybabyboehner

    If Reince Preibus was there, you know it was a hell of a party.

  • Dildeaux

    Throw some cheddah at these keyboard jockeys and WHAM! problem solved.

  • ttommyunger

    Wow! That was a regular "Who's Who" of fuckwaddery.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I think that Rmoney needs to crack the whip and show these little bitches who's boss. He should baptise all of their dead relatives, marry their wives and daughters and impregnate them and then raise the kids as Mormons.

  • Come here a minute

    Aren’t they all going to Hell for this? (Sorry, excuse us, we’re enjoying ourselves, because this is totally what they would say.)

    No–believing in Jeebus forgives all the stupid shit you do before you die. Mitt is going to Hell, though, because he believes in the wrong Jeebus. (I won't apologize for enjoying myself, because this is totally what they would say.)

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