Now let me do your root canal!What, huh? Did you have trouble parsing that headline? It didn’t really make much sense, right? But have you considered that the problem might not be the headline, which is doing the best it can, bless its little anthropomorphized headline heart, but the story it is trying to explain? The story stars one Orly Taitz, after all — a woman who contains multitudes as she is a lawyer, dentist, future US senator from the world’s worst state, California, and probably some other stuff we forget.

So what’s up, Orles? How are you clogging up the court system today?

She continues to argue that [Damon] Dunn, a former National Football League player who defeated her for the [Republican nomination for Secretary of State in 2010] and ultimately lost to Democrat Debra Bowen, shouldn’t have been allowed to run as a Republican because years earlier in other states he’d registered as a Democrat.

Of course she does. So she has been suing him for election fraud plus reimbursement for all the $40,000 she spent on her campaign. (Plus punitive damages, of course, which should be outlawed when a drunk doctor kills your baby but are awesome when someone breaks the laws that Orly Taitz made up in her head.)

Let us read some of the decision by the California court of appeals pointing and laughing in Ms. Taitz’s face!

First, they point out about 147 things that were wrong with Taitz’s filing, in order, like they cannot even believe it. (And they probably cannot believe it, because how was this lady admitted to the bar? Confused face!) Then they get to the part we wanna know about, which is why the fuck Orly Taitz thinks that having been registered as a Democrat once makes someone ineligible to run as a Republican? Yeah, Ms. Taitz doesn’t really answer that?

We have carefully reviewed Taitz’s complaint and the record. Her fraud claim is based on the assumption Dunn knew he was ineligible to run as a Republican candidate and therefore misrepresented his eligibility status by declaring his candidacy. The alleged misrepresentations are all premised on Dunn’s alleged intentional failure to disclose some information on his California voter registration card. Specifically, Taitz asserts Dunn failed to disclose prior expired voter registrations in Texas and Florida.

However, Taitz provided no authority to support the premise of her argument. She failed to cite any legal authority holding Dunn’s failure to disclose past registrations on his California voter registration card rendered him ineligible to run as Republican candidate. Indeed, she provided no legal basis to explain why Dunn’s voter registration card had any relevancy to his eligibility as a candidate. As such, there is no reason to assume Dunn knew he was allegedly ineligible to run as a Republican candidate, i.e., he made no misrepresentation.

Oh well, guess it’s back to doing an awesome job suing the president. [OCWeekly/Leagle]

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  • I clearly need sleep. I read this as "Orly Taitz Beats Off Ballot Guy"

    • Steverino247

      Well, that would make a helluva lot more sense.

      • sullivanst

        Which wouldn't make any sense, because Orly.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      I slept seven hours and in still trying to figure out why she wants to get him off. That seems nicer than her usual schtick.

  • Barb

    Orly's birther crap was struck down in a California Court today. I was hoping that she'd be struck down with a Buick next. I would love to see her have an auto-body experience.

    • We could ask Mythbusters to experiment with the article in Al Qaeda's magazine on her.

  • Shorter justices to Orly:

    "Taitz or GTFO!"

    • sullivanst

      To me, it reads more like the shorter-still

      "Taitz GTFO"

      • Negropolis

        Yeah, 'cause she sure seems to show her Taitz without provocation, so they certainly wouldn't be asking for more frivolity.

  • edgydrifter

    By her logic, Reagan could never have been elected. Or even existed. Spooky!

  • Lucidamente1

    Nothing wrong with her that a little coke and bull semen wouldn't cure.

    • edgydrifter

      Orly calls that "breakfast."

      • vodkamuppet

        Don't forget the gin.

    • sharethegrief

      She could be the love child of Eva and bull semen Hitler. I saw her at a rodeo once.

  • memzilla

    Getting a coherent answer out of Orly Taintz is like pulling teeth.

  • SorosBot

    How has she not been disbarred yet?

    • MissTaken

      You're the lawyer, tell us!

      • SorosBot

        That's why I haz the confused! Maybe the California bar is more lenient on frivolous nuisance suits like hers.

      • prommie

        Doesn't have to be "barred" to represent herself, anyway.

        • sullivanst

          But among the "barred", filing utter nonsense is usually frowned upon and, indeed, cause for sanction. Apart form that one time in Georgia, Orly's endless stream of nonsense filings has gone bewilderingly unpunished.

    • sullivanst

      And who in their right minds would submit a motion for her to be admitted pro hac vice in states outside California?

      Oh, I see how that happens now.

    • boobookitteh

      How has she not been institutionalized yet?

      • HistoriCat

        This is all Reagan's fault.

    • BerkeleyBear

      Cali discipline proceedings take a long time generally speaking, despite having a professional staff and a distinct bar court system. The case volume is pretty high, since California has tens of thousands of marginal attorneys. The bar investigators are generally more concerned with people ripping off their clients (which she doesn't have) or falling down drunk/stoned than pure frivolity in court (they seem to think that's for the courts to handle). The emphasis is on consumer safety over stupidity. And they almost never bust someone for conduct solely outside of California state courts (other than reciprocal actions from other states). A lot of judges also get skittish about referring lawyers for discipline unless the person is a repeated, incorrigible pain in their particular court. So Orly, by spreading her batshit out thin all over the country, has avoided the disbarment that would definitely followed if she had failed to respond after filing a personal injury lawsuit, commingled client retainer funds with her personal accounts or otherwise pissed off local clients enough to pursue the complaint.

      But I know there was an investigation opened – but since they are confidential until and unless a public sanction is given, no idea what happened or is happening.

  • Toomush_Infer

    That's it!….I'm suing Orly Taitz for being, well, ….Orly Taitz! Do I have to file in California, or should I just send it upstairs to the Supremes?….

  • Goonemeritus

    Yet Fox News has had this woman on like 500 time so she must be an expert. Could the problem be with the Judge?

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Wasn't St Ronnie of Sweet Fucking Jesus CHRIST Almighty once a registered Demoncrat? Now teh Taintz has sent his soul to burn in Hell for evah

    • Callyson

      Beat me to it!

  • Long form manure spreader permit or GTFO.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Chess masters and conspiracy theorists all eventually go stark raving mad. Some people just got a head start, is all.

  • MissTaken

    I don't think suing is the most effective way to "get off" ballot guy.

    • Oh, I dunno….subpoenae are one way to experiment in your love life. You can also try filing briefs, and entering motions.

      • Veritas78

        Personally, I've always responded to a writ of mandingus.

      • Negropolis

        Apart from filing a brief, it's even better if one can fill a brief.

  • Orly Dunn in by Taintz Judgement.

  • sullivanst

    And they probably cannot believe it, because how was this lady admitted to the bar? Confused face!

    Yeah, seriously. I mean, I'm not a lawyer, but I can recognize when someone has absolutely no fucking clue what the law is or how it works, and that's what I see in every single Orly filing.

  • ElPinche

    Plan B: Where's Damon's birth certificate?

    • nounverb911

      Cleveland? Sorry, wrong Damon.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Damon Dunn is Kenyan, right?

  • prommie

    But where is his long-form Republican Certificate?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "However, Taitz provided no authority to support the premise of her argument. She failed to cite any legal authority holding [insert text here] rendered him ineligible to run as [insert text here]. Indeed, she provided no legal basis to explain why [insert text here] had any relevancy to his eligibility as a candidate. As such, there is no reason to assume [insert text here] was allegedly ineligible to run as [insert text here], i.e., he made no misrepresentation."

    Obviously, Taitz's many court cases has resulted in our judiciary resorting to form letters to process her claims.

  • bumfug

    Isn't having Orly Taitz' name on a court filing prima facie evidence that it's a crock of shit?

  • FNMA

    I guess these are those activist judges we're always hearing about, demanding that lawyers cite "laws" and "facts" and whatnot.

    • vodkamuppet

      Argh, beat me to it. I need to start getting drunk so I'll be wittier.

      • FNMA


      • Toomush_Infer

        Always works for me….Feeeelings, nothing more than……

  • What's the deal with that lady?

  • Indeed, she provided no legal basis to explain why Dunn’s voter registration card had any relevancy to his eligibility as a candidate.

    Next she'll sue the judges for not taking her seriously. And just existing in general.

    I'll bet they zipped out this opinion while they were waiting for their Keurig coffee cup to fill.

    • prommie

      These judges are unconstitutional, and they infringed her liberty by not ruling in her favor. Where are their long-form Constitutional Certificates of Liberty?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Fellow attorneys: See, this is what happens if you draft your briefs with your Dentist hat on instead of your Attorney hat. Let the practitioner beware!

    • Do I get CLE credit for reading your comment?

      I do? Thanks, Lionel!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Next up, Orly will be suing RuPaul because she couldn't get past the first round of auditions for Season 3 of Drag Race. Orly will also want punitive damages because Ru called her hair a hot mess and told her that Ann Coulter looked more feminine than she did.

  • MissTaken

    I'm not sure about the cocaine and bull semen, but something tells me she's awfully farty.

    • Nostrildamus

      Hot, wet and farty!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Is it possible to get Bush and Cheney off the ballot now, as they committed fraud by not telling us who the person that would actually be running the country was.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    First, Joe the Plumber and now Orly Taitz — 2008 all over again.

  • vodkamuppet

    Fucking activist judges with their "laws" and "precedents", what are they hiding?!

  • OldWhiteLies

    Pic captionz corner …

    "Really – it was this big … "

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Orly "Rectal Tube" Taitz

  • GOPCrusher

    Not a lawyer and didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but doesn't there come a point where they just rule that any suit that comes into court with the name Orly Taitz:Plaintiff automatically results in her being locked up for contempt of court?

    • jakegittes

      In California, she runs the risk of being declared a vexatious litigant and being put on a list that would obligate her to post security every time she files a lawsuit on her own behalf. Too bad that one of the sanctions available to the court to deal with vexatious litigants is deportation.

      • sullivanst

        Speaking of vexatious litigants, can you just feel the irony dripping from this case?

        • jakegittes

          Looks like there's a lot of pissing on everybody's shoes in and amongst that group.

          • sullivanst

            Yes, it does seem the hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter sex phase is very much over.

            My vexatious/irony comment would've been much more on point if reality matched my conflation of this guy with this other guy

          • jakegittes

            Was she fuckin' both of them? The mental image of that has just burned holes in both my retina and my cortex.

          • sullivanst

            Just be thankful she wasn't kinky.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    via BJ and GOS
    for Orly antidote….
    Bammz haz jole blon workin the Tubes.

  • Chichikovovich

    how was this lady admitted to the bar? Confused face!

    That's actually a funny story. When she went to the committee to get permission to practice, they gave enthusiastic, unanimous approval. But it was a classic misunderstanding – she kept saying, in her nearly incomprehensible accent, that she wanted to "cross the bar". And wouldn't you know it – they were all Tennyson buffs.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom


  • JustPixelz

    Why is anyone surprised at this? Orly Taitz is unabashedly advocating the Republican Party's position that elections don't count, voters can't be trusted, democracy is wrong unless they win.

    Clinton impeachment.
    Bush v Gore
    Voter ID laws.
    Where's the birth certificate?
    Wrong font size.
    Citzens United is just.

  • OldWhiteLies

    It occurs to me that the common commenting qualifier OT as in Off Topic, and OT as in Orly Tai[n]tzted, are indistinguishable.

    As in OT is always OT.

  • Not_So_Much

    On her cards where it say "Lawyer/Real Estate Agent/Dentist/Pundit", it may be time to go ahead and demote lawyer.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    So this odd human (?) being somehow makes a living from being completely full of shit, and I am working as a temp?

    OK, sure, why not.

    • HistoriCat

      Typical whining librul! Here is this – um … woman? OK, sure, woman – who has the drive to go out and become a lawyer and a dentist and a real estate agent. Why can't you be more like her and get out there and work for what you want? Instead, you just expect the government to help you out.

      • whateverfour

        Meh, her husband is a millionaire.

    • Negropolis

      Don't despair. All it takes to become rich and famous these days is a sex tape and/or obnoxious personality. Keep working on it.

  • Steverino247

    From the CA Bar site:

    There may be something brewing, but nothing public as of yet.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Orly shouldn’t have been allowed to run as a Republican because years earlier she was deemed to be insane. Yet, here she is, still a republican and still insane.

    • Stevola

      You say that like it's two different things

  • bikerlaureate

    bless its little anthropomorphized headline heart,

    …is like a little blip of starbursts in my Hobo Beansey day.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Complete the dang fence around this nut.

  • rickmaci

    I believe she was sent here by Al Qaeda to torment us into submission.

  • Tommy1733

    I feel blessed to be alive during the career of such a great entertainer – she is making so many people smile. I hope she continues her career for a long time. Can't wait to see what she comes up for when Hillary is President in 2016.

  • IceCreamEmpress

    Does she not realize that Saint Reagan was a Democrat before he was a Republican't?

  • Nostrildamus

    "We have carefully reviewed Taitz’s complaint and the record…"

    I'm imagining the judge emitting long sigh as he wrote that.

  • Nostrildamus

    Looking at this picture of Damon Dunn, I get a funny feeling like there's maybe a common thread in ballot eligibility Orly's lawsuits, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Ideas, anyone?

    • swordfis

      Why are we not surprised?

    • MozakiBlocks

      I'll bet he's near as well.


    Orly's comment at the web site is as priceless as ever. However, I warn you NOT to play the drinking game of taking a shot for every "Obama" in her response to the Dunn decision.

  • owhatever

    Oily Titz is a dentist, too? She ought to run for public office. Such a special woman.

  • ttommyunger

    "Much ado about nobody."

  • Come here a minute

    How could you forget real estate agent? The three most important things about real estate are 1. Location, 2. Location, and 3. Location. The three most important things about politics are 1. Birth Certificates, 2. Birth Certificates, and 3. Birth Certificates.

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