Here is your weekly Thursday Fun Post About Hitler! What has Hitler done now? Well, according to Science, Hitler “craved cocaine and cars,” injected himself with young bull semen so he could have mad coked-out bull sex with Eva Braun, and farted up a storm, maybe in Eva Braun’s face, because he was hilarious and also, too, because he was a vegetarian. Man, Hitler was nuts. When will Obama apologize for being Hitler and farting and doing coke in fast cars with bull semen?
The great news is that you can buy all these Hitler sex/farting docs at an auction for low four-figures apiece. Mother’s Day presents, anyone?
The classified doctor’s report includes several X-rays of Hitler’s skull and extensive details about his health. Panagopulos said it quotes Hitler doctor Theodore Morrell confirming that Hitler and Braun had sex though they slept in separate beds and that he was injected with semen from young bulls to spark his libido. Under the section “Sex Characteristics,” the classified report said:
“Sexual organs showed no indications of abnormality or pathology and secondary sex characteristics were normally developed. Hitler was very fond of the society of attractive women, particularly during the years of his rise to power. In later years his libido was apparently sublimated with the increase in…responsibility. Morrell believes that Hitler, although not strongly inclined to sexual activity, did have sexual intercourse with Eva Braun, though they were accustomed to sleep in separate beds.”
Panagopulos said the report also notes that Hitler “suffered from uncontrollable flatulence” due to his veggie diet, something the German leader took pills for.
Thus concludes this week’s Thursday Fun Post About Hitler! Now we’ll get back to Romney calling Obama a caterpillar and Sandra Fluke eating dogs on the lesbian foreign policy guy’s Twitter and such.