barack & me

Joe The Plumber: What Could Obama Possibly Be Doing That Is More Important Than Joe The Plumber?

Ya gotta get the TruCoat or you'll get oxidization cost you a heck of a lot more than $500!Joe the Plumber went to the White House, you guys, and he stood outside the gates and couldn’t get in. That is no way to treat some random schlub running for Congress from … let’s see … Ohio! Sad face! What is the newest Michael Moore doing in his hot new film “Barack & Me”? Just complaining, mostly. He is very sad and mad and other words that mean those words, because Barack Obama is too busy “golfing” to meet with the world’s most famous “plumber,” “Joe the.” So Joe goes and stands in line with the other common folk, including a large group in matching chartreuse, and then the large group in matching chartreuse is gone, but Joe is still there! It is almost as if it was his turn to go in but that would not have made good film of him getting turned away from the White House! Why does the White House hate Joe the Plumber, and America?

“Dear Mister President,” says Joe’s blog post, “I stopped by your house the other day because I wanted to talk with you about what’s happened since we last met.” [Blah blah blah, et cetera, golf, fancy vacations, job creators, blah]

Mister President, I think it’s time you and I continued our conversation.

I tried early and late, but you weren’t home and I couldn’t find anyone to take a message. Perhaps you had a good score at the golf course today? Any luck getting more campaign donations? I’m sure that’s taking up a lot of your energy.

Joe’s video and blog post don’t say which “the other day” he went and sulked outside the White House, but surely it couldn’t have been this day. Because then complaining that the president was out golfing would have been disingenuous, and that is a thing that “Joe” “the plumber” would never, evar be. Nope. Just the facts, ma’am, that’s our “Joe.”

[JoeForCongress]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • Barb

    Sorry Joe, all the White House toilets are working today, unlike you.

    • iburl

      Like he's an actual plumber, I get it.

    • GOPCrusher

      I'm sure there are millions of other unemployed people that have a better reason to visit the President.

    • Pithaughn

      congrats on triple digits! Wonk empress of wit.

      • Barb

        Thanks, I've hit 300 and 400 before, lol.

        • Pithaughn

          Wow. extreme wit envy here.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Alt text win.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    This Joe is NOT a big fucking deal. Not even worth a rat's fuck, actually.

  • Shellwith2Ls

    I'm sorry but why is this asshole still breathing? Ugh!

  • Tundra Grifter

    If Joe T. Plumber (who isn't named "Joe" and isn't a plumber, of course) wants to visit the White House, he should go see his Representative and get a tour ticket. Just like everybody else.

    The days of just anyone getting into the White House are gone now, "Joe." George Bush (43) is no longer the President. Who does this guy think he is, Jeff Gannon?

  • PubOption

    Did he visit the Watergate building? I seem to remember that there were some famous plumbers working there, many years ago.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Dear Joe:

    Last I checked, I was still the President and you were still an attention-whoring has-been. Now fuck off, before I sic the Secret Service on you.

    No love,

    Barry

    • MosesInvests

      Dear "Joe":
      FIFY

    • sewollef

      I hope that's a real letter.

    • Negropolis

      I don't think he's even a "has-been." You would have actually had to have been something to be a has-been. Samel-not-a-Plumber is a "never-was".

  • Boojum

    The White House staff missed a golden opportunity to get that leaky toilet fixed.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      When it comes to action, I don't think Joe (he's kind of like a plumber) can perform.

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Joe" doesn't even know how to spell his fake name properly. You think he knows jack squat about his fake profession?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Obama missed a "golden" opportunity to piss on Joe's shining pate from the White House balcony.

    • horatiusbridges

      Joe Biden's mouth cannot be fixed.

  • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

    Nice "Toddlers and Tiaras" smile, Joe!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Everywhere. Like such as.

      • tessiee

        And also too, you betcha.
        *wink*

  • boobookitteh

    So, wait. Any asshole can just show up to chat with the President?

    Oh, that's right. No. Any random asshole can not just show up for a chat with the President. I thought I was in bizarro world for a moment.

    • sewollef

      No, sorry. Bizarro world is right next door to Arizona though, if that helps.

      I got my GPS on my phone see… so I know these things.

  • StarsUponThars

    Dear God, if you're still in a smiting mood, THIS GUY RIGHT HERE …

  • CalamityJames

    Small bit of advice for those fine, upstanding, douche bag citizens seeking an audience with the Prez.: PUT ON A PAIR OF APPROPRIATE SLACKS AND A NICE SHIRT YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

    • Terry

      It would also be a good idea to call for an appointment, going through your Congressional delegation is a good start.

      • GOPCrusher

        Of course it helps if you're not calling your Congress person a Socialist asshole because you are trying to take their job.

        • Terry

          Yes, well, there's that.

    • widestanceromance

      His usual 'court day' outfit was still sopping something up in his trailer.

    • ThundercatHo

      If I was ever lucky enough to have an appointment with our Prez the first thing I'd do is beg and plead for a consultation with Tim Gunn.

  • chascates

    The President was busy on the phone with Bristol Palin.

    • Barb

      Yes, he saw her Facebook page where she professed to be a God-fearing Christian in an attempt to make us forget what a Godless whore she really is.

      • Fare la Volpe

        I'm not saying she's a hoe, but she breaks into a cold sweat when she enters a church.

        • Barb

          This is the church
          and this is the steeple
          open my legs
          and see all the people

          Fare, I love ya so much that I left my Zuma game to post this. Now I have to start over.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Worth it <3

          • Barb

            Huggles!

          • tessiee

            Do you do huggles while wearing a Snuggie?

        • Guppy

          I don't mind hoes. In fact, I'm rather quite fond of them.

          Hypocrites, on the other hand…

        • tessiee

          "she breaks into a cold sweat when she enters a church."

          That's not hoes, that's heathens, and…

          AGGGHHH!!
          The holy water!
          It burns!
          It BURRRNNNNSS!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I thought you'd like to hear how all that is working out for us out here in the real world. my rage driven fantasy that the world cares about what I do.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    You'd think this turd would've ran out of money by now.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Why do you think he couldn't get into the tour?

    • sullivanst

      Wingnut welfare never runs out.

    • vodkamuppet

      Has he even paid his back taxes yet?

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        His buddy Joe Walsh told him he didn't have to. Getting all that financial stuff straightened out to run for Congress is just a formality no one pays attention to.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    … Ohio! Sad face!

    TELL ME ABOUT IT!
    ~

  • DaRooster

    Joe’s video and blog post don’t say which “the other day”

    " but he did say it ended in Y after someone pointed it out to him."

  • chicken_thief

    Oh, for Christ sake, Sam, shut the fuck up.

  • Beowoof

    Just the facts, I think Joe Friday would have jailed this fucker for impersonating a licensed plumber.

  • UnholyMoses

    Any luck getting more campaign donations?

    Ummm … excuse me, Not Joe the Not A Plumber, but, um, what's that on your site? Is it a … a … **gasp** … DONATION PAGE where people can, ya know, give you campaign donations?

    Now go fuck yourself with a rusty-yet-reliable chainsaw.

    Twice.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    He's like a male version of Sarah Palin.

    • chascates

      I thought Ann Coulter was the male version of Sarah Palin?

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Penis Libel!

    • DaRooster

      Spawn of…

    • el_donaldo

      Snow (Country) White (Girl) has a lot of dwarves. Joe the Plumber is Sleepy. Joe Miller is Shooty. Or is Allen West Shooty? They're both Shooty.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Herman Cain is Dicky. Darrel Issa is Grand Theft Auto-y.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Allen West is Mouthy. Grandpa Cornpants is Dopey. Joe Walsh is Brokey.

      • Negropolis

        Shooty 1 and Shooty 2.

    • Terry

      No, Old Sarah has a bit more motivation than he has and she's a lot more conniving.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Amazingly, Palin is more accomplished than Joe.

      • ThundercatHo

        Any one of my 3 dogs is more accomplished than Sammy-Jo. At least they know better than to go out in public and make total assholes out of themselves. Well, except that whole pooping outside thing, we hope.

        • tessiee

          I don't know your dogs, but I'm guessing they're more discerning than the average wing-nut, because there's some shit even *they* won't eat.

      • fuflans

        you sure?

    • fuflans

      and another reason jon mccain will never ever ever work off his karma.

  • DaRooster

    So isn't there some new "take 'em out" law about the White House grounds?
    Missed a shot there…

    • RedneckMuslin

      yeah, "stand your ground" would have worked here.

    • Guppy

      Wrong side of the Potomac.

  • http://crasstalk.com/ grandinquisitor

    It's inspiring to know that in America there is still always a chance for ordinary people to rise and become shameless hucksters and con men.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      If he has any literature on his hair tonic, I would love to read it.

      • tessiee

        His ideas are interesting to me, and I would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

        • HELisforHEL

          Such a classic line.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Mr. Plumber has taken to heart the sage advice that no one ever underestimated the stupidity of the American people.

  • el_donaldo

    Sorry I missed you, Joe. I was in Afghanistan, doing something important.

    Kind of like when you went to Israel, only, you know, important.

    -B.H.O.

  • Dildeaux

    Sam the non-plumber goes to DC and gets ignored. A lesson for Ohio voters.

    BTW: this fuckstick gets trucked in November.

  • metamarcisf

    I called the phone number on Joe's website because some moron houseguest stuffed a beer bottle with used tampons and tried to flush it down the toilet.

    • tessiee

      In one of those "circle of life" things, it was actually Joe who did that.

  • smitallica

    I won't believe in a loving god until I see a front-page photo of this asshole out cold in front of the White House with a fucking secret service tranq dart in his meaningless neck.

    • Terry

      How about a German shepherd or two?

    • GOPCrusher

      You know, this asshole would be the kind of person that would have James O'Keefe filming a video of him trying to climb the fence at the White House and getting the shit tasered out of him, so it could be posted on WND as further proof that Obama hates Americans and Xtians.

      • ChessieNefercat

        So there is a use for O'Keefe?

        Huh.

    • Negropolis

      Me? Why, I'd be happy just to see a mugshot.

  • freakishlywrong

    Jesus, his 15 minutes were over 4 years ago. And someone should ask Sam why the fuck Democratic presidents can't golf or campaign for re-election. I'm so fucking sick of this guano.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      He even found critics within PJs Media soon after announcing they were sending him overseas as a 'war correspondent' [c. 2009]:

      Joe’s roller coaster ride in the spotlight has been the epitome of what Bob Dylan famously termed a simple twist of fate. If we are to be truly honest with ourselves we must admit one thing: had Barack Obama taken ninety seconds longer to eat his waffle that morning, it might well be Pete the Pest Control Guy packing his bags for Damascus this week.

      Joe 'the Dumber' 's limited shelf life wasn't lost even on those with reason to cash in on his notoriety. His best known stunt as of now, is wearing-out his welcome before he's even been admitted for entry.

    • OldWhiteLies

      I'm thinkin that the expiration date stamped on his not-a-plumber's butt preceded his delivery.

      Just sayin.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Looks like you've been eating well since the last time you and Barack talked.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Ahahahahahahahahaha

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Holy hemorrhoids Batman, Joe has been endorsed by Adam Allen West.

    • freakishlywrong

      And somehow, that's a plus for the rabid "base".

    • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

      He doesn't have a prayer, he's running in the district that was created by squeezing Kucinich's and Kaptur's together (OH-09) via gerrymandering.
      ~

      • ThundercatHo

        I can't wait to see Marcy "debate" this wad.

  • DaRooster

    Uh Joe… was that the day he was in Afghanistan, trying to fix what you murderous fucking Repugnants started?

  • prommie

    He needs to team up with pimply O'Keefe.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You mean pimpy O'Keefe.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I could really do without the ads with sound when I am looking at my wonkette at work.

    • metamarcisf

      Just mute the sound

  • widestanceromance

    STAND YOUR GROUND, MR. PRESIDENT!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "i'm Joe, and I approved this message."

    You loitered around, didn't get in (forgot to reserve a spot, didn't you?), and then went home. The only "message" here is that you're not very good at much of anything.

    (The International Brotherhood of Plumbers and Pipefitters should sue this meathead for libel.)

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Hey, lay off. He was effectively demonstrating his influence in our nation's capital. What else is a campaign ad supposed to do?

    • PlanetWingNut

      Plumber's Crack Libel!!!!

  • Toomush_Infer

    Maybe he should try the Pentagon…..Video or STFU!…

  • SorosBot

    Who?

  • DaRooster

    "What Could Obama Possibly Be Doing That Is More Important Than Joe The Plumber?"

    Um… anything.

  • Biff

    Oh for fuck's sake.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    How much money has "Joe" made off of this starting from the moment he got to ask then-candidate Obama a question? Has he paid any taxes on it?

    • prommie

      Apparently not enough to buy a tie.

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    Just watched the video and realized it's a campaign ad. Maybe it's not such a great idea to get filmed acting like a slightly menacing ditz when you're running for office.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      The "slightly menacing ditz" market segment is a growth industry these days.

    • GOPCrusher

      It is when you're pandering to the Tea Bagger demographic. Maybe in his next one, he can include our good friend Dale Peterson and his trusty rifle.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    This is sorta like "Billy Jack Goes to Washington", except with more septic tank clogs.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    He even fails at attention whoring.

  • Pithaughn

    I see religious believers making this mistaken assumption all the time. "The all powerful creator of the Universe loves me and listens to me when ever I want, so EVERY body should care about me too!! "

  • miss_grundy

    What is it about this stupid redneck from Ohio? He isn't a plumber and his name isn't even Joe. The jerk couldn't pass the licensing exam in his home state. Like the leader of the free world is going to give this bonehead his time? I'm nobody and if I saw him on the street, I would tell him to go f**k himself.

  • Arken

    Joe the Passive-Agressive

  • dsgruntled

    If I saw this ass clown at my door I wouldn't let him in either!

    • GOPCrusher

      Jehovah's Witnesses pretend they're not home when Joe comes knocking.

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ slowhansolo

    "Joe" the "Plumber" is the "greatest" "statesman" to "organically emerge" upon the stage of our American "democracy."

  • vodkamuppet

    Do you think he realizes that he'd still be an unemployed complete nobody without Barack Obama? He's an unemployed obscure joke for political wonks to mock now but at least there's a grift there and he owes them griftin' munneez to Nobama.

  • Stevola

    The President is NOT ALLOWED to golf!

    "Now watch this drive"

    • Negropolis

      "This black president is now allowed to golf!"

      /fixed

  • Guppy

    "Don't you know who I am?"

  • JustPixelz

    "I stopped by your house the other day …."

    Obama not home, eh? One of the "other days" he may mean is the day the President of the United States was in Afghanistan. Playing golf or fund raising with the troops is what Wurzelbacher suspects. Typical Un-American behavior. Wurzelbacher undermining the Command-in-Chief while we're at war, I mean.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Joe who?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Fuck you, Joe the Plumber. Why don't you set yourself on fire in front of the Washington Monument–that will get you the publicity you so obviously crave.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That would take all the fun out of pissing on him.

  • tessiee

    The fact that he was wearing chartreuse is, in and of itself, enough of a reason to tell him to get lost.

  • Ducksworthy

    Rebecca, please do not give this moron any more attention. The end.

  • Nostrildamus

    Man, I hope this guy never goes away. His arrogance, dishonestly and stupidity make him the ultimate GOP poster boy. They should mint him a commemorative coin or something.

  • ShunkW

    Joe the Plunger strikes again.

  • tessiee

    For someone of Plumber Gump's "intellect", that counts as complicated.

  • tessiee

    “I stopped by your house the other day because I wanted to talk with you about what’s happened since we last met.”

    It's not Wal-Mart, asshat; they don't just let any schmuck with nothing to do wander in from off the street.

  • ttommyunger

    Nice of the Koch's to buy you a shirt with a collar. The sport's coat is a nice touch, too. Too bad clothes really don't make the man.

  • HELisforHEL

    Sorry "Joe", Pink did a much better job with her 'Dear Mr. President'. Of course, she was singing about your asshat hero W, so you wouldn't understand.

  • ElPinche

    Dear Creepy Bald Fuck,
    Quit stalking the POTUS or say hello to SEAL 6.

    -Love
    Secret Service

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    If I'm not mistaken there, Joe, it's very simple to know when the president is home. If the flag atop the White House is not flying, he's out of town. If the flag is flying, the prez is at least in town, so if you hang around long enough, he'll be back.

    Oh wait, you didn't really care and this is just a cheap stunt for a campaign ad to sucker the rubes? In that case, next time try scaling the WH fence. Shows how determined you are, it'll go over great with the voters.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      And don't forget your concealed carry permit. The Secret Service guys will ask for it. Or maybe they'll just find it in your pocket when it's over.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Barack Obama is a horrible person for not taking time from being leader of the world's largest economy to listen to the ignorant blatherings of random schmucks. Shame on you, Mr. President. Shame!

  • OneYieldRegular

    Free beer at Joe the Plumber's house, RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

  • Gleem McShineys

    If you really want to let Joe the plumber know about this, the best way to do it is to loiter around outside his house for a while and videotape yourself muttering about it.

  • Tommy1733

    Thanks Joe, but we have enough arrogant conservative half-thinking douchebags in Congress at the moment. We'll call you if anything opens up.

  • owhatever

    Psst, Joe? The high spiky iron fence, the huge concrete gate house and the gunned-up uniformed Secret Service guards and the black-clad snipers on the roof of the White House and the Marines standing guard at the front door should have been pretty good hints that creeps like you don't get inside without an invitation.

    • ChessieNefercat

      Oh, and Joe? Don't get your head stuck inside the mailbox looking for an invitation.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

    He's not a real congressional candidate, either.

  • LiberalMantra

    *I tried early and late, but you weren’t home*

    Was he looking at the White or the Blah House?

  • finallyhappy

    I am not a moronic fucking asshole like Joe- I love the Prez, his family and MY dog,Bo- and I can't get into the White House either. So it is equal opportunity denial.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Oh Joe, you silly dolt! The President of the United States of America doesn't read your blog!

    Think about that, Joe. Why might that be?

  • ChessieNefercat

    He's long since forgotten the actual conversation, and only has the GOP talking points version to go by.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Maybe President Obama did not want to be a distraction since you were taking so long on getting that plumber's license, let alone buying that business "Joe".

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    Maybe this was all part of "Joe"'s clever plan of hanging out at the White House, then whining about how President Obama was hanging out with a domestic abuser that does not pay their taxes and threatens government officials.

  • didgen

    Dear Secret Service;
    Sorry for snickering at you over that Hooker thing. You obviously do know how to do your job.
    America

  • fuflans

    also, i fucking hate chartreuse.

  • Negropolis

    Isn't that adorable? He actually thinks that he is a plumber and important and such as bless his heart.

  • Negropolis

    How did he escape going through the criminal justice system? Why isn't this man in jail, for, well…anything, yet?

  • PlanetWingNut

    SInce he was in DC he should have gone to the Crew Club (for the unknowing…its a bahthouse…i was about to say gay bathhouse, but redundant no?) that place is always open!

  • voodooeconomics

    Say Joey, whats your Platform man?

  • LibertyLover

    3 o'clock and no one's home? Obama's probably getting the girls from school. You could have checked back later… just wait until after snack time.

  • LibertyLover

    Doesn't Joe know that he needs to contact his Congress critter to get a pass to get in to see Obama? Or is that why he wants to be in Congress? So he can get all the passes himself?

  • Terry

    They're all in ethics training at the moment.

  • friendlyskies

    They've been told not to interact with whores.

  • HELisforHEL

    And we have a winner!