Conservative BearNewt Gingrich was just on the teevee talking about the moon, jobs, Kaiser Wilhelm, Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, cocaine and methamphetamine, amnesia, his grandchildren, Ellis the Elephant, dropping out of the Republican presidential nominating contest, and everything else he has ever thought about for half-a-second since 1968. He has had a marvelous run. What now? Aside from harassing college students nationwide, Newt will be spending some lovely time with his creditors, whom he owes millions of dollars.

Ha ha, look at them all, thinking there’s any possibility they’ll ever get their money back:

Relief can’t come soon enough for the Gingrich campaign’s anxious creditors. The campaign owes Moby Dick Airways $1.1 million for travel and charter flights.; the Patriot Group, a Virginia security company, $449,502 for helping to protect the candidate; and McKenna, Long and Aldridge, a law firm with offices in Atlanta, $183,658 for legal services, the reports show.
But many of the campaign’s creditors are small businesses that say they will suffer major hardship if they are not paid.

In Phoenix, a company called Pro-Production Services is owed $32,506 for providing stages, lighting and sound equipment for a series of campaign appearances by Gingrich in Nevada last January.

“We floated quite a bit of money — a lot of out-of-pocket costs that we covered,” said Ryan Driscoll, a project manager for the company. “I am a little worried. Nobody wants to lose 32 grand.”

Vic Buttermore, owner of Signs Unlimited in Ocala, Fla., says he’s “keeping my fingers crossed” the Gingrich campaign will pony up the $15,000 it still owes for an order of 25,000 “Newt 2012” lawn signs.

If you are on a Newt Gingrich email list — which most citizens of the country are, for no particular reason — then unsubscribe NOW. Otherwise you will be getting desperate debt-retirement fundraising emails for the next 10 years, at least. Seriously, we still get that crap from the Hillary Clinton 2008 campaign. And she has slightly more dignity than Newt Gingrich.

[Yahoo/ABC News]

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  • Barb

    I was hoping he would do his Eric Cartman impersonation and say, "Screw you guys, I'm going home."

    Quick, someone call me so I can do my Cartman voice. It's my only talent.

  • nounverb911

    This is bad news for Callista. Now he has more time for his mistress.

  • Barb

    Newt Gingrich:
    I love that new wife smell.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole. Wouldn't touch his wife either. Yeech!!

    • sewollef

      A wife with only one nipple perhaps….? Nah, me thinks Newton is ready for a new model. One with air bags front and side.

  • hagajim

    Moby Dick Airways? Are you serious? So Moby Dick was carting this dick around the country? I love the smell of irony in the afternoon.

    • keinsignal

      Also: Vic Buttermore?!

    • Looks like you get the prize for the 1st white whale joke.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Paging Captain Ahab, your harpoon is ready.

    • I read that this morning, and had precisely the same reaction. I figured the 'Kette Kommentariat would have fun with it.

    • sullivanst

      Moby Dick + white whale – a match made in heaven the most depraved imaginings of a sick mind.

      Also ironic: presumably they'll be relentlessly hunting him (or at least, the money he owes) down for years.

    • Tundra Grifter

      "Moby Dick Airways?" The Great White Dope?

  • johnnymeatworth

    Wow, she might have to hock some of her whore diamonds to keep them afloat. Maybe they can store all the "newt 2012" paraphernalia on their garage until it becomes kitschy in 20 years….

    • Or, she could just dump him and then file for half his earnings. And keep the whore diamonds.

      It wouldn't surprise me. In fact, it would surprise me if she didn't

    • Toomush_Infer

      Anyway, it's time for a floater loan – "just ask Tiffanies about that…"

  • elburritodeluxe

    Anyone who lets Newt skate on credit deserves what they got. Also, since when do vendors extend credit to campaigns??

    • All the time, especially in the primaries. The hope is you'll get an even bigger IOU in the general election.

    • marioninreno

      when they are dumb enough to think newt Gingrich is a viable presidential candidate!

  • ChernobylSoup

    He owes me $8.36 in InTrade funds for losing Mississippi to Santorum.

  • el_donaldo

    Moby Dick Airways? Vic Buttermore? For what kinds of services, pray tell, does Gingrich owe these people with these comically suggestive, obviously made-up names?

    • Moby Dick Airways?

      Well Neuter is a great white whale, now isn't he with just a bit of OCD in his campaign.

    • His doctor was Vinnie Voom Botts

      • Yeah, yeah … and his lawyers are Dewey, Cheatam & Howe.

        • Toomush_Infer

          Um, …Phukue, Weire, Attorneys (and Yernot)….

    • HistoriCat

      If Newt doesn't have an ownership stake in Moby Dick Airways, he's losing his touch. You can always make money by contracting with yourself to provide services to yourself.

  • Barb

    I can't wait to masturbate to Romney's defeat.

    • Schmannnity

      Rub a Romney.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Can I start early? Sort of like Aladdin's Lamp, and making wishes.

    • As long as you're not masturbating to his feet.

  • Schmannnity

    Newt to creditors: You fucked up, you trusted me.

  • Newt Gingrich was just on the teevee

    I thought I was reading, "..just on the toilet talking about the moon, etc." — which I feel certain is closer to reality at any given hour of the day, hogging the bathroom[s] with a newspaper or worse, his laptop. Always ready with another turdblossom!
    Great day for Newt to evacuate his campaign. I mean to evacuate his bowels — his noblest talent.

    (Note to own mind: You can back away from the gutter now, any time….)

    • SayItWithWookies

      See, that's where you went wrong — concerning Newt, it would've been toilets.

      • I couldn't remember if his hotel accommodation contract stated the requirement of two toilets or two bathrooms. The former option doesn't seem quite feasible to me — no matter how ample the ass, the bunghole still is solo and centrally situated.. But, on the moon, which Newt dreams of exploring and daydreams about flying around, the gravity differential possibly makes this a non-issue.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Yeah, it's probably bathrooms, and two toilets doesn't make much sense — unless maybe the extra one is there to catch any of his big ideas.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Um, moon mooning?…

  • anniegetyerfun

    Moby Dick Airways. There's a "white whale" joke there somewhere.

    • nounverb911

      Chris Christie?

    • See above

      • EtchySketchy

        See above the comment above.

    • JustPixelz

      "a white whale joke"? There are many white whale jokes.

      What's the difference between a white whale and Newt Gingrich? … No, I asked you first.

      A flying white whale perfectly represents Gingrich's "smart ideas". Like child janitors. Moon colonies. Support for Mitt Romney.

      Isn't Moby Dick afraid of getting eaten by Newt?

      True name: Mobius Dick. Like Newt, it's a dick without beginning or end.

      Sure Moby Dick and Newt have a lot in common, but Newt only used his blow hole on Reagan.

  • nounverb911

    "McKenna, Long and Aldridge, a law firm with offices in Atlanta, $183,658"
    I thought Newt used Dewey, Fukem and Howe?

    • sullivanst

      I guess Swindell and Cheatem weren't available.

  • chascates

    Moby Dick Airways! Er, I see the belly of the Great White Historian!

  • prommie

    Holy shit, I hope the welfare folks don't put him in the foreclosed house next door to me!

    • ThundercatHo

      Can you imagine a shirtless Newt on his riding mower or Callista in a bikini airing out her diamonds? Yack!

  • anniegetyerfun

    Was this the official announcement? Or was it another prelude to the announcement? Possible a round-up announcement? It has never taken anyone this long, in the history of everything, to stop doing something.

    • chicken_thief

      Especially since he wasn't really doing it to begin with.

  • prommie

    I will be with you in spirit, on that day.

  • MissTaken

    Newt will do well in debtor's prison.

    • Baconzgood


    • chicken_thief

      He going to do the Turkish thing and pimp out Calista to pay off his bills?

  • Baconzgood

    Moby Dick Airways……What the fuck did Moby Dick have to do with flying?

    • It was going to be Led Zeppelin Airtran, but they would've had to pay royalties.

    • MissTaken

      I called dibs on Titanic Airways.

      • "Donner Party Tours, may I help you?"

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          "Kony Kidz Kruizes, how may I direct your call?"

    • SayItWithWookies

      About as much as Newt has to do with being president.

    • littlebigdaddy

      He tried to hire Amelia Earhart Airlines, but they were too pricey.

  • EtchySketchy

    My son's school needs a new janitor.

  • Callyson

    And this is the guy who tried to take credit for Bill Clinton reducing the deficit. Um, yeah, if you say so, Newt…

  • IncenseDebate

    When is Romney dropping out?

    • Baconzgood

      Nov. 7th

    • nounverb911

      November 6th.

  • MissTaken

    Hey Moby Dick Airways: Didn't you think you were drowning in unpaid bills at around $500k? Did it really take 1.1 million clams to realize that Newt ship was just riding the wave with zero chance of coming back up for air?

    • EtchySketchy

      They were promised first dibs on the Moon Colony contract.

    • SorosBot

      But Newt promised he'd have the money next week, he's got those book royalties coming soon, any day now this 'running for president' thing is gonna pay off, you'll see…

      • Lend us a couple of bob fill Thursday. I'm absolutely skint. But I'm expecting a postal order and I can pay you back as soon as it comes. Love Newt.

        • montreal_bruin

          Ewen McTeagle libel!!11!

    • Toomush_Infer

      In for a penny….

    • Fucked 'em right in their blowholes!

  • EtchySketchy

    How cute! All those small businesses about to go under is like an adorable mini-version of the financial clusterfuck we all would have seen if Newt ever became President.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Job Creature….

  • Goonemeritus

    Never has such a total lack of talent, morals and vision been so utterly wasted.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm sure Newt will be just fine after he finishes suing the SHIT out of that bitey penguin.

    • PubOption

      I had hoped for a picture of Newt being bitten by a penguin, rather than being ignored by a bear.

  • Failed_2_Menace

    Corpulent sumbitch is clearly too big, but apparently not too big to fail.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Newt can just pay it off by working as their spokesmodel.

  • MissTaken

    Newt and Knut, proof that the only good die young.

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      That's Knut's brother, who is also dead

    • Toomush_Infer

      Sure, another subliminal shoot the blah joke, thanks a lot…

  • Radiotherapy

    It's Obama's fault, duh.

    • chicken_thief

      With a side of Saul Alinsky.

  • CapnFatback

    Vic Buttermore, owner of Signs Unlimited in Ocala, Fla., says he’s “keeping my fingers crossed” the Gingrich campaign will pony up the $15,000 it still owes for an order of 25,000 “Newt 2012″ lawn signs.

    Hey, maybe Buttermore will get lucky. Newt might be able to flip the signs on Craigslist to the planners of a herpetologist convention.

    • prommie

      Non-union shop, fuck him.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Um, isn't there some federal clause about being too dumb to be in business?….Who in their right mind would print up 25,000 "Newt 2012" campaign signs…..?

  • I'm surprised Mark Penn hasn't sent him a bill. Penn did at least as much good work for Newt as he did for Hillz.

  • MissTaken

    I wonder how much the campaign owes Callista's aviary keeper? Newspaper liners don't change themselves.

    • He'll just write 'em a check.

  • BaldarTFlagass


  • SorosBot

    Can't he pay them off with diamonds from his unlimited Tiffany's credit line?

  • prommie

    And by the way, whats with the whining about using hedge clippers to cut the goat's foot off,what the fuck am I supposed to use to cut a goat's foot off, nail clippers? A hacksaw? A goats not gonna sit still long enough for the hacksaw, I don't think.

  • EtchySketchy


  • rickmaci

    Answer for his creditors is a solution I would only wish on my most reviled enemy— an involuntary bankruptcy. Process is not complicated. Three creditors who have been stiffed file a petition with the US Bankruptcy Court alleging he is insolvent. There is a trial to confirm that he is in fact insolvent (something his own financials seem to support), and if he is found to be insolvent, the bankruptcy court appoints a trustee. The trustee then takes over all of his assets to be applied to satisfy as much as possible of all of his creditors' claims. It's as close as we get to debtor's prison in 2012. Yes, I am smiling but I am trying not to let it show too much.

    • savethispatient

      It's not Newt that is insolvent it's "Newt for President 2012 Inc", or whatever the company might be called, that is insolvent. And if a creditor who's owed a few thousand sends them into bankruptcy, they're not going to get any money back and probably it'll end up costing them more in legal fees. It just sucks to be the little guy in this situation…

    • Wile E. Quixote

      OK, legal question here (I don't know if you're a lawyer or not, but you do speak authoritatively and cogently and have a cool avatar, so therefore I consider you more qualified to speak on legal issues than some crank like Orly Taitz or Antonin Scalia). Let's suppose that I went to all of Newt's campaign creditors and offered to purchase his debt for its full face value plus any amounts they've occurred trying to collect it and penalties for late payment. Would I then, as the owner of this debt, be able to institute collection proceedings against Newt Gingrich, and, if he didn't cough up, go to court to begin the involuntary bankruptcy proceedings you described? Sure, you'd probably end up losing most of the money you put up to purchase all of this debt if you could do this, but think of how much fun it would be! I wonder how much money Bill Clinton has socked away since he left office.

      • rickmaci

        I'm not a bankruptcy lawyer, although I did sleep once at the Holiday Express in Wilmington Delaware. Savethis is correct that you would need to know who or what actually owes the money. Corporations are people too you know, and no doubt Newttie is hiding behind some corporate fiction with his campaign entities. (Got to believe that Neuter is under water personally too.) But I am familiar with situations in which a creditor has bought up claims to control the board on filing an involuntary.

  • Baconzgood

    Call me Newt. Some months ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse except 200K in a Tiffany's account, and nothing particular to interest me on shore other than being a talking head on fox, I thought I would run for POTUS but first sail about a little and see the watery part of the of the mediterranean….

    • Toomush_Infer

      Oh, Baconville, you take my breath away….OMOO….that's better….

  • Groupshrug

    I have a theory that the reason Newt stayed in as long as he did was for the Secret Service protection, which he needed for protection from creditors, or other people who wanted to take care of business matters with him.

  • chicken_thief

    I'm sure Newt will write his creditors a check any day now.

  • Another red letter day for fiscal responsibility.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Damn — I wish I was rich enough to be as poor as that motherfucker.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Surely he can cough up some ambergris and pay for the whole thing.

  • widestanceromance

    I'm sure no one is more surprised how long he stayed in than Callista.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Geez, I scanned – "how long he stayed in Callista"….I was confused….the thought of his conflabulance confounded me…

  • ttommyunger

    Sorry Newt, not even the animals want to play with you.

  • PlanetWingNut

    is newt gonna be a janitor in some high school in the inner city for slightly more than minium wage to pay off his debts? lord that would be nice wouldn't it…

  • Chichikovovich

    and everything else he has ever thought about for half-a-second since 1968.

    In other words, everything he has ever thought about since 1968.

  • owhatever

    Call me Ishmael, and pay me my fucking money, you pompous thief. No, I won't take your wife in trade.

  • BarackMyWorld
  • C_R_Eature

    So, Newt's in the tank for something on the order of $1.6 million – that we know of? This has to be the most disastrous book tour in history.

    I don't care how much Newt's charging for Callista's blowjobs, that's got to add up to one helluva lot of blowjobs.

  • Toomush_Infer

    Maybe he could get a job as a janitor – if all those little pissant high schoolers don't have them sewed up already….

  • Come here a minute

    You can recover the debt that Newt owes you if you do not mind being paid in Newt Gingrich books (which his campaign bought by the gross).

  • timbo71351

    I wish someone would go on TV or in the mainstream press and call this for what it is: "Fat, egotistical asshole waddles off with his creepy wife to fleece more rubes"

  • Guppy

    unsubscribe NOW. Otherwise you will be getting desperate debt-retirement fundraising emails

    Or the campaign will just, y'know, rent out the email list itself, because FREE MARKETS!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Now the guy's got Paulie as a partner. Any problems, he goes to Paulie. Trouble with the Tiffany's bill? He can go to Paulie. Trouble with ex-wives, campaign sign printers, didn't get a hotel suite with two bathrooms, he can call Paulie. But now the guy's gotta come up with Paulie's money every week, no matter what. Primary results bad? Fuck you, pay me! Oh, you had your ass handed to you by Mitt Romney in Florida? Fuck you, pay me! Bounced your check for the Utah primaries? Fuck you, pay me! Didn't collect enough signatures to get on the primary ballot in Virginia, huh? Fuck you, pay me!

  • SenileAgitation

    That is one cute bear. Oh, and ha, ha, Newt, fuck you. Fiscal responsibility is for poor people on the moon I guess. "Never steal anything small" should be the new GOP slogan.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Even Palin figured out how to make money while not really running.

  • Troglodeity

    "Moby Dick Airways"? Just did a Google search. What kind of airline company doesn't even have its own dot-com web page? (Just a Facebook page with no comments and 23 "likes.")

  • greenide1

    Oh, Newt, what a pity you won't get to manage our great country as well as you manage your campaign finances. And your marriages. And your weight. And your idiotically spewing mouth.

  • Antispandex


  • Slim_Pickins

    Did he stay in the race an extra day so he could receive another FEC welfare check?

  • Slim_Pickins

    Will his wages be garnished when he starts his job as the new Pillsbury Dough-boy?

  • Negropolis

    The arc of justice is long – and it has to be extra long to wrap around the girth of a Gingrich – but it always bends toward justice.

    Newt spent his entire political career perfecting the art of petty, personal politics. It is only fitting that it ended up being his own undoing.

  • DahBoner

    This is just like the doctor on House who lies about some relative who died of the same disease his patient has.

    Except this liar was too stupid to get a medical degree…

  • Dildeaux

    Shorter newt:
    "I am suspending my faux campain grifting in favor of full-time grifting.

    Now Sheldon, STFU and fire up the Gulfstream, bitch. I got some!"

    My avatar is of newt and human-like wood figurine hair-helmeted Lady CaCa getting busy.

  • MarkNNJ

    Let's see about Newt's sleazy holyier than thou "family values" life. He changed religions 3 times, Lutheran, to Southern Baptist to Catholic. He just graduated High School and right away married his 26 year old Geometry teacher. Then he cheated on her while she was having surgery for Uterine Cancer, divorced her and remarried. Then cheated later on on the second with Callista and divorced #2 and married Callista. Typical bible thumping "family values", hitting the still attitudes. He has been in and out of debt for years and the followers still are attracted to the slovenly creep like sheep. They get what they deserve if he never pays them.

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