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Yee haw!You guys, Chief Executive magazine, the #1 magazine for Chief Executives by Chief Executives that isn’t Forbes, has studied each and every one of the states of this great union of ours to determine which one is best, for Chief Executives? Can you guess which one, based on our beloved cactus-dong photo to the right there, and also based on your knowledge of what Chief Executives like? TIME’S UP, it’s Texas, Texas is the best state in America, for Chief Executives. But what makes Texas so great? Is it the barbecue, the Austin music scene, the poisonous snakes, or the complete absence of government regulations of any kind? Find out after the jump! (HINT: It is the last one.)

Texas was anointed #1 (for the 8th year in a row!) as a result of a survey of actual CEOs. Let’s examine some of their statements from this year’s survey (and last year’s too, what the heck) about the various USA American states to see what CEOs like and dislike, shall we?

  • “More than 500 CEOs considered a wide range of criteria, from taxation and regulation to workforce quality and living environment.” “Living environment,” in CEO-speak, means “ready availability of walled compounds.”
  • “CEOs indicate that workforce quality is [Indiana]’s single greatest strength…” Oh, CEOs care about how good their workforce is!
  • “…and since it became the 23rd right-to-work state last year…” Oh, no, never mind, “workforce quality” is code for “workforce fireability.”
  • “California treats business owners like criminals. California has different overtime policies for its own employees vs. private sector.” CEOs believe that our justice system makes criminals adhere to different overtime payment schemes than the public sector! This may explain why they’re worried about America being soft on crime?
  • “A good state is one that actively encourages competitive business, demands low relative taxes and has a highly educated workforce.” CEOs think that a highly educated workforce just appears out of nowhere, like magic, without any “taxes” funding an educational system!
  • “While the Lone Star State may not be perfect — many leaders would like to see improvements in its education system…” CEOs do not actually care about education.
  • “…it is Periclean Athens compared to California in the eyes of the 550 CEOs surveyed.” CEOs do not really understand what the deal was with Periclean Athens.

Anyway, check out how the relative rankings shift up and down for these states and try to correlate them with recent election of Republican governors. (HINT: They are highly correlated.) But it isn’t all GOP cheerleading! Alabama is way down in 21st place! Is it because of its persecution of a primary source of cheap labor? Yes, let’s say that. [Chief Executive]

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