ow my tit!

Angry Eagle Eats Ann Romney’s Nipple

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

BONZAI!We do not care if that nice Ann Romney’s shirt cost $990. The lady is a billionaire or something, she can buy silken togs. (This, like the “private chef service” that so enraged the National Review when working mom Moochelle Obama dared avail herself of it, falls into the category of “aspirational wealth” that most working women would like, and mostly see no problem with!) No, here is what concerns us regarding that nice Ann Romney’s sartorial choice: it also came with matching pants.

So if that screaming eagle up top is about to tear into that nice Ann Romney’s poor defenseless right nipple, well, where exactly would the screaming eagle on her crotch be headed? These are the things that keep us up at night, worrying and fretting and pure-cold-sweating: that that nice Ann Romney might be attacked in her nethers by carnivorous birds with beaks and talons sharp, just so she can walk around looking like a human version of Stephen Colbert’s studio. Oh, and also that she’s got shitty taste, because gross. [Politico]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That's the most action her nipples got in 30 years.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      "Mitt, I'm uncomfortable when you touch me there. It brings up feelings."

  • Barb

    Yeah, like she's ever known the pain of getting her tit caught in the wringer of the washing machine. She's not sure which one is the washer and which one is the dryer.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I have to wonder if she knows where in the house they are located?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Well, they're in the south, in the east and west and up north, over by Tikrit.

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        She'd have to ask Jeeves.

        • WunkRocker

          Jeeves is the Washer. Jeeves Too is the the dryer. Also.

          • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

            What about Also Jeeves?

    • sullivanst

      She's only dimly aware that such things exist, and certainly doesn't give a hoot. (Yes, I expect the next look to be an owl.)

    • KotBR

      Silly Barb. In the Romney household, Juanita is the washer, Esmerelda is the dryer. What fun is being rich if you can't make immigrants hand wash your clothes?

      • mormos

        jerb creation!

        • Jus_Wonderin

          You are probably right. She has to visit the Household Cartographer to visit the vacuum cleaner and ironing board.

    • JustPixelz

      Nonsense. The washer has short brown hair. The dryer usually wears a necklace.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Isn't the washer the one the maid loads everything into first?

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Dry clean only, so not even an issue.

  • SwanSwanH

    Another right winger… what's this article say?

    • Tundra Grifter

      She'll be a left-winger after this.

    • George Spelvin

      Meta.

  • DrunkIrishman

    I don't know who has a creepier smile, her or her husband. That's the face you give when you let out a fart and want to do your best to conceal it, but the smell is so ghastly, your face starts twitching.

    • elviouslyqueer

      That, my friend, is the face of a wet pussyfart. Duh.

      • Biff

        Ann is one of the Queef Sisters?

    • criminogenic

      The smile of the Corporate raider in conversation with a worker organising improved health care when she knows she has already amassed the numbers to 'downsize' the company and sack the uppity pleb.

    • Redgyal

      It's the smile you use when you feel like you are above it all.

  • SorosBot

    What did poor Big Bird do to deserve this?

    • ProgressiveInga

      Uh, hello? NPR? He's a commie.

  • Steverino247

    Well, it looked to me like it was titty skin…

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Frank Zappa is better than the old testament for having apropos quotes on damned near every subject

      • Steverino247

        Yup. I was actually listening to Dweezil Zappa's F.O.H. rendition of Titties and Beer entitled Chrissy Puked Twice when I read about Ann's unfortunate nipple.

        I highly recommend that two disc set, by the way.

        • doloras

          Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!

    • lulzmonger

      That sweater is ugly & it wants to die.

  • Barb

    So this is the newest level of Angry Birds? I'll have to take 2 hours out of my day to read the Apple user agreement and then download it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Don't do it!

      In the boss level at the end, you fight Romneypig and he makes a tender offer for your house, then kicks you out and sends your job to Indonesia!

    • NellCote71

      What trick does the bird do?

      • Fare la Volpe

        Spins around and steals all your points.

        • NellCote71

          Bravo.

  • Limeylizzie

    Ann has had a wee bit of plastic surgery/botox/fillers/rhinoplasty. That shirt is fucking awful btw.

    • Barb

      One more facelift and Annie is going to have a goatee.

      • Limeylizzie

        Watch the evolution of her face.
        http://myclob.pbworks.com/w/page/21956775/Ann%20R

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

          Moar like elevation.

        • elviouslyqueer

          She must have Callista's plastic surgeon on speed dial.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            EQ, with her ears pulled to the back of her head, how does she actually use a phone?

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            She's probably used to have a hand clapped to the back of her head.

          • Limeylizzie

            Why do they do it? It looks terrible. MrLL's first wife of three, got her eyes done as part of the divorce package and it looks weird, remember how Jack Lemmon looked at the end?

          • Texan_Bulldog

            If you want to see scary, do teh Google on Bruce Jenner or Kenny Rogers. Looks like they are stuck in a wind tunnel.

        • BerkeleyBear

          That transition is almost as jarring as the one Hillary Clinton went through when Bubba started playing on the big stage (but hers was less about skin and more about hair and makeup).

          So when do you think the work started? Was it standard rich bitch maintenance, or did she do the "hubby is becoming a public figure, I gotta go Stepford" package?

          • Limeylizzie

            I think it was fairly recent, I really noticed it when she and Mitt were in Pennsylvania.

        • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

          From that same awful site:

          VAN SUSTEREN: Governor, you have been married an awful long time. What was it about your wife? Why did you marry her?

          M. ROMNEY: She was gorgeous. That's the reason I took her home. She came with somebody else, and I said, you know…

          VAN SUSTEREN: At this party?

          M. ROMNEY: At this party. I said, you know…

          ("you know" what? like, "hey Ann, would you like to fuck me?")

          • HistoriCat

            "you know … my family is loaded. My father is CEO of AMC."

          • Fare la Volpe

            Even as a youngling, Mitt was stealing from other people.

        • NellCote71

          Where DO they get those chins. I need to know in case I ever get plastic surgery, so I can show the surgeon what not to do.

        • ibwilliamsi

          I gotta admit, I wouldn't mind getting rid of my jowls…

          • Fare la Volpe

            Go to bed, Walnuts.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        That haz the accompanying visual of her riding a horse on her chin.

    • sullivanst

      Isn't it just. And the print on the pants doesn't even come close to matching up, lazy job by Reed Krakoff, Mondo from Project Runway is laughing at them.

      • Limeylizzie
        • NellCote71

          Oh, good god.
          That is an awful, awful outfit, even on a size 2, 18-year-old runway model.

        • ibwilliamsi

          Thank you for posting that. I have been looking at the top part of the blouse all day long and trying to figure out where everyone got an "eagle" out of a "goldfish". Now I'm trying to figure out where everyone is getting "eagle" out of "Sea gull".

        • Fare la Volpe

          Remember when designers made clothes people actually wanted to wear?

          Yeah, me neither.

        • 12X34X

          Dear God!

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      She has had soooo much plastic surgery that she looks like a reject from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

  • IncenseDebate

    Something ain't right about her.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      She's as robot-y as he is, just with better animation. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is ever particularly intelligent and she has even less knowledge of how the 99% live than he does. As least he meets one once in awhile firing "it." She had a maid when she was a child.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Ann … _real_ Republicans wear actual dead animals, not frilly designer reproductions of animal carcasses…. sheesh….

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    When I first looked at that pic for a second it looked like an odd nip-slip.
    Designed by 'Reed Krakoff'. More like Reed Crackon.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Poor eagle…did it break its beak on the stone?

  • BornInATrailer

    In an earlier thread Goonemeritus mentioned the balance between meeting the needs of the guys vs. the gals, what with all the Obama posts. If this is an attempt to find balance, I think I speak for all when I say Ann Romney's nipple does not cut it.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Ann Romney's nipple could cut diamonds

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Damn you!

      • NellCote71

        Newt has some for sale. Prbly.

    • sullivanst

      I found the Obama posts considerably easier to fap to.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Cuts diamonds, yes, but not it.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I hope the eagle doesn't contract some dread disease. I bet the most that will happen is the eagle will elect to be a stay at home mom, to raise her boys and be very, very defensive if someone makes a comment about that election.

  • CapnFatback

    Angry Eagle Eats Ann Romney’s Nipple

    Let the eagle sore!

  • Tundra Grifter

    Is that a screaming eagle? To me it looks like a large fish. Foul, not fowl.

    Butt ugly. As always, 2L is quite correct.

    • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

      Yeah, more like koi swimming into her armpit.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I thought it was a Loggerhead Turtle. Oh, you mean the design. Not that blonde female thing.

      • WunkRocker

        101st Airborne Libel!

    • BerkeleyBear

      It is a bird, but definitely not a bald eagle – I'm thinking some sort of waterfowl like a seagull. Although what is underneath it almost looks like a turtle's shell. Ugly as hell, whatever it is.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Japanese fish. The shirt itself, $9.99 at T J Maxx

  • Boojum

    At least they weren't WOLVERINES!!!

  • http://wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    Reminds me of a t-shirt I had back in the summer of '76. Cost me $8.50, and I thought that was steep.

    And are we sure this isn't something Snowbilly picked out in '08, on the RNC's dime? They said they were going to do something with all that tacky shit.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Believe me, Ann Romney isn't into hand-me-downs.

    • HistoriCat

      $8.50 in 1976 is about $34 today – yeah, that's a lot for a t-shirt.

  • WeHaveIssues

    She kinda has a bird-like face. Love the precision of the "natural" platinum blonde hair though, a color and style that works so well for First Lady McCain. Spawn of the Ice Queen?

  • Barb

    The Romney's other dog abusing friend, Michael Vick also has an Eagles jersey.

  • Grief_Lessons

    A sudden blow, the great wings beating still
    Above the staggered girl. Her thighs caressed
    By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill
    He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Barry, is that you?

    • George Spelvin

      Swan libel.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Somebody get this damn bird off me, she cried…

      -Yeats, Affluvia

  • Extemporanus

    Great shot, Derrick! Congrats!

  • Texan_Bulldog

    $990? Shit, I've seen shirts like that in the men's section of Academy for $19.99. I guess it's true: money can't buy class or taste.

    (Speaking of not having class or taste, Newtie is blabbering on & on right now on MSNBC. )

    • Baconzgood

      I think Elvis proved that to all of us.

  • elviouslyqueer

    My sainted grandmother always said, "You can have all the money in the world, but it still can't buy you good taste."

    • Tundra Grifter

      Also, Happiness can't buy you money.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      As Charlie the Tuna always said, "I don't want nipples with good taste, I want nipples that taste good."

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Psst, Editrix?

    Bonzai is the tree, Bansai is the cry of the suicide plane-dropper-on-er

    • BerkeleyBear

      Actually, bonsai (bone sigh) is the art/hobby of growing trees in weird ways. Banzai! is the war cry. Trust me, you never forget the look an old Japanese man gives you if you say the latter in praise of his windswept spruce miniature.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Y'know, I knew that, since I've grown a couple in my day…but Japanese was never my strongest language.

        • EtchySketchy

          Also, Bonzwei is the Japanese term for "Rich Fuck who insists it's their time."

          • bagofmice

            Bonzwei, when parsed in a shared Latin / Germanic context would translate as "good"/Latin "Two"/German. Which seems entirely appropriate given the subject of the thread.

      • Tundra Grifter

        The other famous Japanese war cry: "Babe Ruth Sucks."

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Bandai makes toys. And anime, sometimes.

  • lowaltflier

    There has to be a magic underwear joke to this. Me, I don't have the snark like most of you.

    • Barb

      Hmmm, magic underwear joke?
      aBRA, cadaBRA, that is one ugly fucking shirt that should disappear!

  • Baconzgood

    A GRAND ON THAT!?!?!?!?!!? That looks like somthing my grand ma would have donated to the Good Will. Shhhhhhsh. Did that sales clerk see her comming.

  • Extemporanus

    NEEDZ MOAR WEEPING!!1

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Of course it is biting her right nipple. Biting the left is socialism.

  • widestanceromance

    Eagle? Looks like a Nexus 6 budgie come back to earth to kill us all. Always shocking just how much money the rich will pay to fail so miserably.

    • doloras

      I've pooped things you people wouldn't believe. SKRAAWK!

  • http://www.marionstein.net MarionNYNY

    Is this some kind of Rorschach test? Because I see a photo of a fish vomiting. What do I win?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      A fish vomiting her nipple? That makes more sense.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Hmmm. Maybe the outfit was a gift, from like one of the daughters-in-law or something, and Ann's trying to be polite by actually wearing it in public.
    If so — it's pure, what-to-get-the-gal-who's-got-everything shopping selection FAIL.

  • Goonemeritus

    I for one wish her many wonderful hours surrounded by loved ones away from the prying eyes of the public, November can’t come soon enough.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Want to bet it was made in China?

  • Eve8Apples

    Ann Romney is trying to prove she's just like real Americans by wearing clothes she found on the Wal-Mart clearance rack in the men's section.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I don't know what kind of crazy bird that is. All I can tell you is that is NOT in my bird books!

    • SwanSwanH

      Tufted titmouse.

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        Trust me. I know what those guys look like and this ain't he.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        Always believe DerrickWIldcat, he's the Birdman of Wonketraz.

  • DaRooster

    I think it is a Tern… but hey, it's her Tern.

    (buh dum dum)

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Leave no tern unstoned.

      Edit: And if it were Michelle Obama, it would be a CominTern

    • Toomush_Infer

      Was that "Tern, Tern, Tern" by The Seagulls?….

  • SwanSwanH

    You know who else wears a crotch eagle.

    (Doper.)

    • Baconzgood

      David Copperfield?

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    “private chef service”

    Just a fancy way of saying "caterer". Do they expect that Shelly would be in the kitchen whipping up a big pot of Mac' N Cheese for the State dinners?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    BTW, the entire ensemble.

    It looks less an eagle than a dove or perhaps a…pigeon.

    • sullivanst

      41% of nymag voters have no taste.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        In fairness, he's a local, so he probably got his friends to FReep the poll early.

    • Baconzgood

      That's a splash of gaudy for ya.

    • Warwhatgoodfor

      Dear god, wherever and whoever he/she might or might not be (covered all the bases there), please blind me now. The thought of that woman in the whole outfit just gave me hives and a bad case of acid,reflux.

  • ttommyunger

    Eagle? I think not. That is obviously an Albatross hanging around her neck. I'm sure I know it's name; it's on the tip of my tongue….I can't think of it…I'm sure it rhymes with kittens.

    • miss_grundy

      It also looks either like a duck or perhaps a Canadian goose. Pick one.

      • ttommyunger

        She's prolly never had a goose in her life.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Maybe it is just me, but does anyone think the area between her head and shoulders looks like one of those 60's desk lamps with the adjustable neck?

  • niblick77

    Do the women Nazi's, oops, I mean mormons, get to wear magic underwear, too?

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      They wear chastity belts, unlocked as part of the married-unto-receiving-their-own-planet ceremony.

  • rickmaci

    Why does Ann Romoney hate Wal Mart?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Looks like something out of a Hitchcock film, and the bird too.

  • Beetagger

    It's like a bad necktie made into a blouse. I hope the little brown children who made it softened the fabric with their tears.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    It's no Three Wolf Moon, that's for sure.

    • OneYieldRegular

      You should get a free subscription to Amazon Prime for that.

  • hagajim

    Silly people, the Eagle can't get her nipple because she is protected by the majik underwear of Joe Smith.

  • MissTaken

    The double strand of black pearls really ties it all together.

    • Eve8Apples

      I thought those were eagle eyeballs strung together.

  • Warwhatgoodfor

    Being rich means you got a lot of money, not that you got good taste. Also, gag, retch, vomit and other words indicating extreme dislike.

  • http://protoplasm.wordpress.com/ Preacher_Griz

    so hawt!!!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    There's a link to photos of the matching pants right there in the Politico article:
    http://nymag.com/fashion/fashionshows/2012/spring

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Holy shit! If this is what we have to look forward to, they'll be a big run on eye bleach if Rmoney is elected. Stockpile yours now!

  • elburritodeluxe

    Hey Bigots! That shirt happens to be honoring Parrottoni, the Mormon God of War. Try being tolerant of other religions, people.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Is that Mitt Romney's wife, or the side of a Chevy van in 1983?

  • Stubenville

    Too funny; I thought the graphic was a trout.

  • docterry6973

    I like it; I think it's a tern, and I briefly saw it as a bit of off-the-shoulder skin. At least some of these things make me a bad person.

  • cobweb2

    I believe the Wonkette reporter knows that the Japanese national bird, the koi, is not an eagle. She is either jerking Wonketeers' chains or assuming they are more astute than they are!

    • Ducandy

      looks fishy for an eagle.

  • JackObin

    It appears Ann could use a drink.

  • owhatever

    Hey, be nice. That shirt was a present from her son Tagg. Tagg Romney. Really, that's his name. There's Palin blood in there somewhere. Anyway, Tagg loves his mommy and did the body-painting himself.

  • ElPinche

    Looks like Cabela's threw up all lover poor Ann.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is certainly not what I'm accustomed to seeing being worn around the Mormon Tabernacle.

  • Troglodeity

    From the Vulture Capitalist Collection.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    She wears disposable paper underwear. It is made of hundred dollar bills.

  • finallyhappy

    We watched Colbert and he had what appeared to be the same blonde Fox commentator over and over but now I realize it is just they all use the same plastic surgeon,colorist and make-up artist who works on whomever this badly dressed plastic faced woman is.

  • DustBowlBlues

    I read the article from Huffpo (that was linked. like I read huffpo if requires more than a clickie on one thing). This is a part of some guy who sounds like Karzai, but isn't, because that would be freaky, mind-blowing bizarre, anyway, this collection's bird series.

    The hell you say. They're dying to get the Rocky Mt. states where there are more regular people than cultists, and she's wearing a fucking trout. Rainbow trout.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Brett or whatever his name is–the cute guy at the end of Jennie's program (she's welcome to call me DustBowlBlues if she likes) compared the shirt to a tablecloth at a Japanese restaurant. (He had to have meant one of the bogus J's places they chop up meat by tossing it into the air. Or something like that. I haven't been dragged to one of those in years).

    I thought his analysis was excellent.

  • lulzmonger

    Huh. I could've sworn that critter was a goldfish.
    Nobody told me Mormonism forbade optometry – THE MOAR U KNOW!
    Welder's goggles & Extra-Strength Gravol sold seperately.

    Puts me in mind of the very tasteful wedding of one of Shrub's girls … yep, nothing says "class to spare" quite like commemorative nuptual cow-skull ashtrays. Why are wingnuts so deathly allergic to things like taste & wit?
    Congenital glandular mutation is my guess.

  • Negropolis

    I can't find much anything to say about the nipple on a woman who's survived breast cancer.

    Meh.

  • Robman2

    Not to be, um…coy but isn't that a large pond dwelling fish, like the ones in the hotel waterscapes on Maui??

  • miss_grundy

    That crappy ensemble cost $990.00. Dang! Give me the $990.00 and I can buy myself a wardrobe to cover all four seasons. Seriously, she has lousy taste in clothes.

  • Ducandy

    Mitt tit for tat.

  • Ducandy

    When she and Mitt get their own planet, after they die, they will make everyone wear fish.

  • scarface99

    my whole 'wardrobe' didn't cost $990, including shoes. 10 x $30-40 slacks, 10 x $25-35 shirts, 3 boxers for $9.99, shoes $63. Ross Stores is da bomb.

  • Dildeaux

    Apparently Annbot was right. It is "her turn" to look like an Ive-got-more-money-than-clothing-sense-firebagger-trailer-trasher hoping to land a gig on TLC.

    Well, the folks on Planet Kolob lurve em some eagles on clothing and shit.

  • thefrontpage

    "We oppose this shirt, and all shirts like this," said Charles Tunah, the national spokesman for Republican Nipples of America (RNA). "It is against everything we stand for in the arena of Republican nipples."

    "I love this shirt, and I love the idea of suckling at the matronly breast of Ms. Romney," said Theodore Nugent, the president of Insane Rockers of America (IRA), a national collective of crazy rock and roll musicians. "This represents all that is great about America, Republicans, and seafood."

  • Tyroanee

    All this time I thought that was a trout… which makes it even funnier.