Angry Eagle Eats Ann Romney’s Nipple

  ow my tit!

BONZAI!We do not care if that nice Ann Romney’s shirt cost $990. The lady is a billionaire or something, she can buy silken togs. (This, like the “private chef service” that so enraged the National Review when working mom Moochelle Obama dared avail herself of it, falls into the category of “aspirational wealth” that most working women would like, and mostly see no problem with!) No, here is what concerns us regarding that nice Ann Romney’s sartorial choice: it also came with matching pants.

So if that screaming eagle up top is about to tear into that nice Ann Romney’s poor defenseless right nipple, well, where exactly would the screaming eagle on her crotch be headed? These are the things that keep us up at night, worrying and fretting and pure-cold-sweating: that that nice Ann Romney might be attacked in her nethers by carnivorous birds with beaks and talons sharp, just so she can walk around looking like a human version of Stephen Colbert’s studio. Oh, and also that she’s got shitty taste, because gross. [Politico]

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172 comments

  1. Barb

    Yeah, like she's ever known the pain of getting her tit caught in the wringer of the washing machine. She's not sure which one is the washer and which one is the dryer.

    1. sullivanst

      She's only dimly aware that such things exist, and certainly doesn't give a hoot. (Yes, I expect the next look to be an owl.)

    2. KotBR

      Silly Barb. In the Romney household, Juanita is the washer, Esmerelda is the dryer. What fun is being rich if you can't make immigrants hand wash your clothes?

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          You are probably right. She has to visit the Household Cartographer to visit the vacuum cleaner and ironing board.

    3. JustPixelz

      Nonsense. The washer has short brown hair. The dryer usually wears a necklace.

  2. DrunkIrishman

    I don't know who has a creepier smile, her or her husband. That's the face you give when you let out a fart and want to do your best to conceal it, but the smell is so ghastly, your face starts twitching.

    1. criminogenic

      The smile of the Corporate raider in conversation with a worker organising improved health care when she knows she has already amassed the numbers to 'downsize' the company and sack the uppity pleb.

      1. Steverino247

        Yup. I was actually listening to Dweezil Zappa's F.O.H. rendition of Titties and Beer entitled Chrissy Puked Twice when I read about Ann's unfortunate nipple.

        I highly recommend that two disc set, by the way.

  3. Barb

    So this is the newest level of Angry Birds? I'll have to take 2 hours out of my day to read the Apple user agreement and then download it.

    1. actor212

      Don't do it!

      In the boss level at the end, you fight Romneypig and he makes a tender offer for your house, then kicks you out and sends your job to Indonesia!

  4. Limeylizzie

    Ann has had a wee bit of plastic surgery/botox/fillers/rhinoplasty. That shirt is fucking awful btw.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            EQ, with her ears pulled to the back of her head, how does she actually use a phone?

          2. Limeylizzie

            Why do they do it? It looks terrible. MrLL's first wife of three, got her eyes done as part of the divorce package and it looks weird, remember how Jack Lemmon looked at the end?

          3. Texan_Bulldog

            If you want to see scary, do teh Google on Bruce Jenner or Kenny Rogers. Looks like they are stuck in a wind tunnel.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          That transition is almost as jarring as the one Hillary Clinton went through when Bubba started playing on the big stage (but hers was less about skin and more about hair and makeup).

          So when do you think the work started? Was it standard rich bitch maintenance, or did she do the "hubby is becoming a public figure, I gotta go Stepford" package?

          1. Limeylizzie

            I think it was fairly recent, I really noticed it when she and Mitt were in Pennsylvania.

        2. smokefilledroommate

          From that same awful site:

          VAN SUSTEREN: Governor, you have been married an awful long time. What was it about your wife? Why did you marry her?

          M. ROMNEY: She was gorgeous. That's the reason I took her home. She came with somebody else, and I said, you know…

          VAN SUSTEREN: At this party?

          M. ROMNEY: At this party. I said, you know…

          ("you know" what? like, "hey Ann, would you like to fuck me?")

        3. NellCote71

          Where DO they get those chins. I need to know in case I ever get plastic surgery, so I can show the surgeon what not to do.

    1. sullivanst

      Isn't it just. And the print on the pants doesn't even come close to matching up, lazy job by Reed Krakoff, Mondo from Project Runway is laughing at them.

        1. NellCote71

          Oh, good god.
          That is an awful, awful outfit, even on a size 2, 18-year-old runway model.

        2. ibwilliamsi

          Thank you for posting that. I have been looking at the top part of the blouse all day long and trying to figure out where everyone got an "eagle" out of a "goldfish". Now I'm trying to figure out where everyone is getting "eagle" out of "Sea gull".

        3. Fare la Volpe

          Remember when designers made clothes people actually wanted to wear?

          Yeah, me neither.

    2. Warwhatgoodfor

      She has had soooo much plastic surgery that she looks like a reject from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      She's as robot-y as he is, just with better animation. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is ever particularly intelligent and she has even less knowledge of how the 99% live than he does. As least he meets one once in awhile firing "it." She had a maid when she was a child.

  5. randcoolcatdaddy

    Ann … _real_ Republicans wear actual dead animals, not frilly designer reproductions of animal carcasses…. sheesh….

  6. BornInATrailer

    In an earlier thread Goonemeritus mentioned the balance between meeting the needs of the guys vs. the gals, what with all the Obama posts. If this is an attempt to find balance, I think I speak for all when I say Ann Romney's nipple does not cut it.

  7. Jus_Wonderin

    I hope the eagle doesn't contract some dread disease. I bet the most that will happen is the eagle will elect to be a stay at home mom, to raise her boys and be very, very defensive if someone makes a comment about that election.

  8. Tundra Grifter

    Is that a screaming eagle? To me it looks like a large fish. Foul, not fowl.

    Butt ugly. As always, 2L is quite correct.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I thought it was a Loggerhead Turtle. Oh, you mean the design. Not that blonde female thing.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      It is a bird, but definitely not a bald eagle – I'm thinking some sort of waterfowl like a seagull. Although what is underneath it almost looks like a turtle's shell. Ugly as hell, whatever it is.

  9. FlownOver

    Reminds me of a t-shirt I had back in the summer of '76. Cost me $8.50, and I thought that was steep.

    And are we sure this isn't something Snowbilly picked out in '08, on the RNC's dime? They said they were going to do something with all that tacky shit.

  10. WeHaveIssues

    She kinda has a bird-like face. Love the precision of the "natural" platinum blonde hair though, a color and style that works so well for First Lady McCain. Spawn of the Ice Queen?

  11. Grief_Lessons

    A sudden blow, the great wings beating still
    Above the staggered girl. Her thighs caressed
    By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill
    He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

  12. Texan_Bulldog

    $990? Shit, I've seen shirts like that in the men's section of Academy for $19.99. I guess it's true: money can't buy class or taste.

    (Speaking of not having class or taste, Newtie is blabbering on & on right now on MSNBC. )

  13. elviouslyqueer

    My sainted grandmother always said, "You can have all the money in the world, but it still can't buy you good taste."

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Actually, bonsai (bone sigh) is the art/hobby of growing trees in weird ways. Banzai! is the war cry. Trust me, you never forget the look an old Japanese man gives you if you say the latter in praise of his windswept spruce miniature.

        1. EtchySketchy

          Also, Bonzwei is the Japanese term for "Rich Fuck who insists it's their time."

          1. bagofmice

            Bonzwei, when parsed in a shared Latin / Germanic context would translate as "good"/Latin "Two"/German. Which seems entirely appropriate given the subject of the thread.

  14. lowaltflier

    There has to be a magic underwear joke to this. Me, I don't have the snark like most of you.

    1. Barb

      Hmmm, magic underwear joke?
      aBRA, cadaBRA, that is one ugly fucking shirt that should disappear!

  15. Baconzgood

    A GRAND ON THAT!?!?!?!?!!? That looks like somthing my grand ma would have donated to the Good Will. Shhhhhhsh. Did that sales clerk see her comming.

  16. widestanceromance

    Eagle? Looks like a Nexus 6 budgie come back to earth to kill us all. Always shocking just how much money the rich will pay to fail so miserably.

  17. Mumbletypeg

    Hmmm. Maybe the outfit was a gift, from like one of the daughters-in-law or something, and Ann's trying to be polite by actually wearing it in public.
    If so — it's pure, what-to-get-the-gal-who's-got-everything shopping selection FAIL.

  18. Goonemeritus

    I for one wish her many wonderful hours surrounded by loved ones away from the prying eyes of the public, November can’t come soon enough.

  19. Eve8Apples

    Ann Romney is trying to prove she's just like real Americans by wearing clothes she found on the Wal-Mart clearance rack in the men's section.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Leave no tern unstoned.

      Edit: And if it were Michelle Obama, it would be a CominTern

  20. Joshua Norton

    “private chef service”

    Just a fancy way of saying "caterer". Do they expect that Shelly would be in the kitchen whipping up a big pot of Mac' N Cheese for the State dinners?

    1. Warwhatgoodfor

      Dear god, wherever and whoever he/she might or might not be (covered all the bases there), please blind me now. The thought of that woman in the whole outfit just gave me hives and a bad case of acid,reflux.

  21. ttommyunger

    Eagle? I think not. That is obviously an Albatross hanging around her neck. I'm sure I know it's name; it's on the tip of my tongue….I can't think of it…I'm sure it rhymes with kittens.

  22. Jus_Wonderin

    Maybe it is just me, but does anyone think the area between her head and shoulders looks like one of those 60's desk lamps with the adjustable neck?

  23. niblick77

    Do the women Nazi's, oops, I mean mormons, get to wear magic underwear, too?

  24. Beetagger

    It's like a bad necktie made into a blouse. I hope the little brown children who made it softened the fabric with their tears.

  25. hagajim

    Silly people, the Eagle can't get her nipple because she is protected by the majik underwear of Joe Smith.

  26. Warwhatgoodfor

    Being rich means you got a lot of money, not that you got good taste. Also, gag, retch, vomit and other words indicating extreme dislike.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Holy shit! If this is what we have to look forward to, they'll be a big run on eye bleach if Rmoney is elected. Stockpile yours now!

  27. elburritodeluxe

    Hey Bigots! That shirt happens to be honoring Parrottoni, the Mormon God of War. Try being tolerant of other religions, people.

  28. docterry6973

    I like it; I think it's a tern, and I briefly saw it as a bit of off-the-shoulder skin. At least some of these things make me a bad person.

  29. cobweb2

    I believe the Wonkette reporter knows that the Japanese national bird, the koi, is not an eagle. She is either jerking Wonketeers' chains or assuming they are more astute than they are!

  30. owhatever

    Hey, be nice. That shirt was a present from her son Tagg. Tagg Romney. Really, that's his name. There's Palin blood in there somewhere. Anyway, Tagg loves his mommy and did the body-painting himself.

  31. OneYieldRegular

    This is certainly not what I'm accustomed to seeing being worn around the Mormon Tabernacle.

  32. finallyhappy

    We watched Colbert and he had what appeared to be the same blonde Fox commentator over and over but now I realize it is just they all use the same plastic surgeon,colorist and make-up artist who works on whomever this badly dressed plastic faced woman is.

  33. DustBowlBlues

    I read the article from Huffpo (that was linked. like I read huffpo if requires more than a clickie on one thing). This is a part of some guy who sounds like Karzai, but isn't, because that would be freaky, mind-blowing bizarre, anyway, this collection's bird series.

    The hell you say. They're dying to get the Rocky Mt. states where there are more regular people than cultists, and she's wearing a fucking trout. Rainbow trout.

  34. DustBowlBlues

    Brett or whatever his name is–the cute guy at the end of Jennie's program (she's welcome to call me DustBowlBlues if she likes) compared the shirt to a tablecloth at a Japanese restaurant. (He had to have meant one of the bogus J's places they chop up meat by tossing it into the air. Or something like that. I haven't been dragged to one of those in years).

    I thought his analysis was excellent.

  35. lulzmonger

    Huh. I could've sworn that critter was a goldfish.
    Nobody told me Mormonism forbade optometry – THE MOAR U KNOW!
    Welder's goggles & Extra-Strength Gravol sold seperately.

    Puts me in mind of the very tasteful wedding of one of Shrub's girls … yep, nothing says "class to spare" quite like commemorative nuptual cow-skull ashtrays. Why are wingnuts so deathly allergic to things like taste & wit?
    Congenital glandular mutation is my guess.

  36. Negropolis

    I can't find much anything to say about the nipple on a woman who's survived breast cancer.

    Meh.

  37. Robman2

    Not to be, um…coy but isn't that a large pond dwelling fish, like the ones in the hotel waterscapes on Maui??

  38. miss_grundy

    That crappy ensemble cost $990.00. Dang! Give me the $990.00 and I can buy myself a wardrobe to cover all four seasons. Seriously, she has lousy taste in clothes.

  39. Ducandy

    When she and Mitt get their own planet, after they die, they will make everyone wear fish.

  40. scarface99

    my whole 'wardrobe' didn't cost $990, including shoes. 10 x $30-40 slacks, 10 x $25-35 shirts, 3 boxers for $9.99, shoes $63. Ross Stores is da bomb.

  41. Dildeaux

    Apparently Annbot was right. It is "her turn" to look like an Ive-got-more-money-than-clothing-sense-firebagger-trailer-trasher hoping to land a gig on TLC.

    Well, the folks on Planet Kolob lurve em some eagles on clothing and shit.

  42. thefrontpage

    "We oppose this shirt, and all shirts like this," said Charles Tunah, the national spokesman for Republican Nipples of America (RNA). "It is against everything we stand for in the arena of Republican nipples."

    "I love this shirt, and I love the idea of suckling at the matronly breast of Ms. Romney," said Theodore Nugent, the president of Insane Rockers of America (IRA), a national collective of crazy rock and roll musicians. "This represents all that is great about America, Republicans, and seafood."

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