guns don't kill people hippies and union thugs do

Florida Gov. Rick Scott On Tampa’s Republican Convention: Needs More Guns

Scary monstersRound about a month ago, your Wonkette informed you of the stupid state law/clusterfuck that precluded the city of Tampa from restricting guns around the site of the Republican National Convention. “Stupid idiot,” snitted some jive-ass commenters, “why do you make a big deal out of this obviously the Secret Service won’t let any guns in the convention hall and obviously nobody ever leaves the convention hall ever not even once gah shut up by the way I am a very wet pussyfart.” All of which was obviously true. But so now the ‘lected officials of the city of Tampa are still trying to do something about this, because they do not want to go down in history as the Southern city where buncha rednecks Stood Their Ground against some peaceful hippies and possibly also too James Brady, and they wrote to Gov. Rick Scott asking him like, please suspend the state law that ensures no municipality infringes on Floridians’ right to pack hate haha whoops heat, at least, like, in the protest zones? Nah mang, said Rick Scott. NRA! ALEC! FREEEEEEEEDOM!

“Like you, I share the concern that ‘violent anti-government protests or other civil unrest’ can pose ‘dangers’ and the ‘threat of substantial injury or harm to Florida residents and visitors to the State.’ But it is unclear how disarming law-abiding citizens would better protect them from the dangers and threats posed by those who would flout the law,” he added.

Is it, Rick Scott? Is it “unclear”?

Just thinkin’ out loud here: maybe if someone were going to shoot someone, like intended to shoot someone important and Republican when that person left the convention hall, cops might see the assassin’s weapon and say, like, “oh sorry you are not allowed to have that weapon here” and then the assassin would have to put the weapon away and would not be able to murder the important Republican. Or maybe — and again, just spitballin’! — maybe some hippies would totally enrage some teatards so bad during their protesting of each other, or a Union Thug would look at a teatard so wrong and cross-eyed that the teatard might feel threatened, and the teatard might take out the gun he was legally allowed to have and might shoot the hippie or the Union Thug until it was dead.

But probably not, right? Cause law-abidin’. We mean, what’s the worst that could happen? [RawStory]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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    1. JustPixelz

      Here's one possibility: The Tea Party wing of the Repubicans gets into a confrontation with the Neo-Cons. Tempers flare. A balloon pops and there is a fusillade of gunfire from all corners of the room. When it's over, there is no one left standing their ground.

      OH WAIT! You said "go wrong". Forget what I just said.

    2. mrpuma2u

      I am hoping for as much as is possible to go wrong. That would be change I could believe in.

    1. Negropolis

      But, only if it stays within the convention center. We wouldn't want any of our own getting hurt, after all.

      Yeah, I said it.

    1. MRjonz

      In the photo Wonkette uses, he seriously looks like the Vampire Boy for the late, lamented Weekly World News shopping rack rag.

  1. UnholyMoses

    Dude looks like the love child of Max Headroom and the lead singer from Midnight Oil.

  2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Isn't it wonderful to know that the GOP has moved on from Ayn Rand to Yosemite Sam as their philosophical center?

    From one cartoon character to another.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      That's unfair, at least Yosemite Sam is occasionally likable, and his constant schemes to get Bugs Bunny are at least somewhat plausible, unlike Objectivism.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Rule No.01 of Republican Conventions: Bring a gun.
      Rule No.02: Bring two guns.
      Rule No.03: Bring all your friends who have guns.

      …oh wait, I was reading from the USMC Gunfighting Handbook.

  3. Texan_Bulldog

    Florida, Florida, Florida–are there any sane people left in that state? I'd be more scared of a bunch of fired-up RW gun-tards being armed than a bunch of stoned, emo hippies.

  4. Baconzgood

    'Cause no one does anything crazy with their legally concealed weapon in Flor…oh that's right.

  5. iburl

    I still don't understand how Florida is allowed to elect the dude that shot Gabby Giffords as Governor.

    1. sullivanst

      Because he defrauded Medicare out of several hundred million dollars, and that makes it alright.

    2. mayor_quimby

      Florida's constitution is weird, but the gist of it is, the violent, thieving, crooked cream is allowed to rise to the top. Simple and elegant, isn't it?

  6. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I haz a confused. Am I supposed to be against people getting shot at the republican national convention?

    1. weejee

      Yes is is confusing what emoticons to roll-out when social Darwinism turns around and bites the hands that feed it.

        1. sullivanst

          Well, he has a point. We highlight the projection exhibited by the right so often it has become cliched.

        2. Toomush_Infer

          Here's a cliche: Jonah Goldberg has Fuckedupitis….some cliches are true…

        1. Generation[redacted]

          Check the local laws. It may be illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest in Florida.

          1. Chichikovovich

            Of course. By wearing a bullet-proof vest you may abridge someone else's second amendment rights.

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Oh, well then you have my condolences. Don't forget to pack your rape whistle and make sure Newell packs his too.

      2. Jukesgrrl

        Oh, my! What to pack? The all-seeing eye pendant, a Kabbalah hamsa, a blue stone, a corno charm, a mojo hand, a rabbit's foot, a horseshoe, a dead scorpion, a pentagram, a Celtic knot, a Sanskrit om symbol, Thor's hammer … and for heaven's sake don't forget the sage smudging ceremony for cleansing when you get home.

      3. Wile E. Quixote

        Hey beautiful, why don't you and Jim come to Seattle? By the end of August summer will have started here and it will be beautiful, about 20 degrees cooler than Tampa and with fewer heavily armed morons. Just fake the liveblog with a green screen and some gunshot sound effects, it's what Wolf Blitzer does at CNN. That old queen hasn't left his bunker in Teaneck, New Jersey since 1993.

  7. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    A bunch of drunk, well armed Republicans.

    Tampa doesn't have a Beer Hall, does it?

      1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

        I was going with Gingrich, but a Paul Putsch would be interesting.

    1. jjdaddyo

      Probably not, because we know how to regulate the hell out of alcohol sales her in the South.

  8. SorosBot

    I suspect, in the mind of Lex Luthor, some gun nut wingnuts shooting peaceful hippie protestors is a positive outcome.

  9. SoBeach

    Should a live, televised shoot-out erupt we can look forward to the gun-fetishists telling us that the only thing that would have prevented the bloodbath would be if more law abiding citizens were packing.

    Wish that was snark.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I'm waiting for the calls to carry frag grenades and landmine any property you are near to start. Because only when we all live in abject terror that any step may be our last will we be truly free.

  10. WunkRocker

    If we could only convince SOME of the Teatards to pretend to be Hippies, you know, infiltrate. There'd be deadly GOP retard hi-jinx ensuing. Everyone taking preemptive strikes and standing their grounds. When the smoke cleared there's be more holes than something with a lot of holes in it.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      "When the smoke cleared there's be more holes than something with a lot of holes in it."

      There are times when simplicity is its own reward. Tasty!

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Those damn guidelines retard our ability to creatively comment, don't they?

  11. Wadisay

    If you wanted to go shoot the bullshit, what better place than the Republican convention?

  12. Poindexter718

    Gov. Scott's use "of" quotation marks in unexpected, unironic and ungrammatical "ways is" positively Palin-esque!

  13. Maman

    It will really help the State of Florida and the City of Tampa when some reporter or unarmed protester gets clipped.

  14. OldWhiteLies

    5x5hrEnergeezIn5mins + ConcealedWeaponz iz not good mix.

    And guns always help, also.

    Cripes, it looks like lex luthar-scott's eyes are going to pop right out and start bouncing about on the table. This frightens me.

  15. Groupshrug

    The reasoning behind allowing guns at the convention is to protect citizens (GOP/Conservative/Republican convention goers) from protesters (Liberals)…

    News flash: Liberals don't carry guns around. Liberals by definition do not have the mindset of keeping a gun on them at all times, just in case they need to shoot someone.

    So really the situation is that the Convention goers will be taking guns in the hopes of shooting a Liberal.

    1. actor212

      Are you kidding? That's an activity on the "spouse's agenda," right after a Rays game and just ahead of "Musical Beds"

  16. CapnFatback

    We mean, what’s the worst that could happen?

    I'll bite: A young black man could show up to the convention wearing a hoodie.

  17. Fairtackle

    So does the first amendment protect my right to throw a lit firecracker into a hall filled with high-strung, sexually confused, armed to the teeth, fuckwits?

    1. OldWhiteLies

      I'm submitting this on your behalf for InterWebzToobzNetz winner for today.

      Super upfisteez!

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I don't agree with your firecracker … but I will defend to the death your right to throw it.

      1. WunkRocker

        Or just a cell phone left in discrete locations with a variety of gun sounding ring tones. With all the live feed video you could watch the most exciting C-Span broadcast ever.

  18. Guppy

    disarming law-abiding citizens

    Is it even possible to violate a Florida gun law?

    (Other than being a pediatrician, obvs.)

      1. Guppy

        Only gun laws can violate gun laws. And Joseph Heller turns over in his grave.

        "Do what thou wilt" shall be the whole of thy gun laws!

  19. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Tampa will be the safest place in America, with all those guns making everybody be polite.

    1. Baconzgood

      Uh…Limey, I'm one of those to each their own kinda guys but…..Newt has a pretty ugly looking ass.

      1. Limeylizzie

        That is very true, MrLL has suggested that he could rest his coffee cup on my ass.

  20. MissTaken

    I'll be very surprised if there aren't at least half a dozen Darwin Award nominees out of this convention.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I'll be very disappointed if there aren't at least half a dozen Darwin Award nominees out of this convention.

  21. jjdaddyo

    This makes me want to start a group called "Hippies With Guns" for the sole purpose of having a protest in Tampa with a bunch of heavily armed, long haired Libruls (like me) marching around exercising our First and Second Amendment rights.
    Rush Limbaugh and Fox News would shit a brick.

  22. Dashboard Buddha

    Dear Occupiers and general protesters. Please bring lots of cell phones with video capability, and cameras…and batteries! It will be critical to get film of a teetard firing the first shot.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Not that they'll believe it. Plus, anyone with a camera of any kind needs to have it out and displayed at all times in a non-threatening manner – because any movement to a pocket to fish it out could be fatal.

  23. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Load up on guns and bring your friends
    It's fun to lose and to pretend
    Mitt's over-bored and self-assured
    Oh no, I know a dirty word

  24. Baconzgood

    A Rebublican convention in FLA with a lotta armed white oldz angry men. Anyany people of not white skin in Tampa bay are allowed to crash on my couch up here in a Yankee state till this convention is over.

  25. randcoolcatdaddy

    The Republican convention is going to give some poor cops and Secret Service agents a citrus grove full of ulcers. I don't envy them one bit for trying to keep that mess of hate, bile, and firearms from harming themselves or innocent bystanders.

  26. Steverino247

    I heard he spread a lot of simoleons around Toon Town and bought the election…

  27. Biel_ze_Bubba

    This has the makings of a reality show – produced by Quentin Tarantino.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yes, and bags of feces won't be allowed either, which is why Gingrich suspended his campaign today.

  28. ttommyunger

    Rebecca "… by the way I am a very wet pussyfart.” Schoenkopf…Mmmmmmmmm. Nom,nom,nom……What? Oh, right. Uh, well, the problem is; Florida is like its sister state, Georgia: they check you for guns at the border and if you don't have one, they issue you one. RIMSHOT!

  29. nikkiceausescu

    I literally did not understand the first paragraph of this piece. I am dumber for reading it.

  30. anniegetyerfun

    The thing that strikes me the most about Scott's statement is that it comes from a place in which the citizenry is armed by default. I suppose that's normal in America, but it still throws me for a loop sometimes.

  31. chicken_thief

    I fucking LOVE this – guns for all says Scott!!!

    Now, what good Republican is going to complain about potential danger? Mitt? Sant rum or Newt? They CAN'T without looking like a pussy. Dittos for all the delegates. Bammerz let the protesters carry at his '08 rallies. They have now painted themselves into a corner from which there is no escape.

    Suck it up, teabagger bitches. You want guns, you got guns.

  32. unclejeems

    All this so that corporations that manufacture and sell guns can make a few bucks. America–what a country.

    I for one welcome our new well-armed overlords.

  33. elburritodeluxe

    Am I alone in wanting to bring a bunch of armed Muslims and Black Panthers to the Republicans big party? Lets all play.

  34. fitley

    It says in the Constitution that Rick has the right to be ignorant and wrong too. Being a convicted felon I think he has a better insight into felon's minds, than say Joe Lawabidingcitizen. Save your paranoia for Fox News, they'll tell you what to fear.

  35. owhatever

    The Secret Service agents have better things to do, like competing with the GOP delegates for the imported hookers and making restaurant reservations in Ybor City.

    Instead of the national anthem, the convention will open with Pat Benetar's "Hit me with your best shot! Fire away!"

  36. Gainsbourg69

    Scott fucked up big time yesterday. The Miami Cubans had him sign a bill which would've blocked companies doing buisness with Cuba from doing business in Florida. But three hours later, at the behest of his boys at the Florida chamber of commerce, he signed a letter which made the law unenforceable. Now the Cubans down here are pissed and Rick Scott will be a one term governor. Hooray!!!!

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Just wait. After Castro dies, Cuba will officially become Florida's UP.

      1. Negropolis

        The speed at which McDonalds and Starbucks will invade and inundate the island will be nothing short of astounding. Seriously, when Cuba opens up, America is going to blow the doors off.

        Bay of Pigs, indeed.

  37. NYNYNYjr

    I hope everyone at the convention chooses some ground, proudly stands on it and refuses to give it, to anyone, candidate or fellow crazy person. I also hope there's booze in there.

  38. Negropolis

    But it is unclear how disarming law-abiding citizens would better protect them from the dangers and threats posed by those who would flout the law,” he added.

    Because "law-abiding citizens" with guns never commit crimes, right? I get so tired of this bullshit talking point as if all crime is committed with unregistered guns. This gun ideology is a cult. Sorry. The belief that any problems caused by guns can be solved with the introduction of additional guns is a mental illness.

  39. Negropolis

    Ah, yes, the Republian National Convention in Tampa, otherwise known as "Night of the Long Guns".

  40. Biel_ze_Bubba

    You know things are fucked up when you're headed to a convention in Florida, in August … and they expect you to pack your own heat.

  41. Wile E. Quixote

    I think we should encourage the Teabaggers to bring all of the guns they want to Tampa and to drink as much as they want while they're down there. I also think we should encourage the OWS folks to stay home that week, or to protest in their home cities and give Tampa a wide berth. I'd love to see Tampa 2012 turn into Chicago 1968, except with bullets, lots and lots of bullets.

  42. Dildeaux

    Lessee here…
    the kenyan usurper sends in his OWS/NBP acolytes to disrupt a perfectly lawabiding, genial gop hate fest in Tampa. When the smoke clears, only one option is available: cancel the elections!!1! Martial law!!1! Reeducation camps!!1!
    They are on to us…damn.

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