can't even string four words together

Bloggers Offer Cool Ten Grand For Stupid-Head Obama’s College Transcripts

But does he talk jive?Some #WARBLOGGERS are pooling their Koch-muneez and offering the Mitt Romney-wagering sum of TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS to anyone who can shadily fork over total Affirmative-Action-Baby President Bammerz’ college transcripts. This, presumably, is because he is soooo stupid. Teleprompterz! 57 states! Derp derp derp. How stupid is he? Well, let’s reach into the wayback machine of about two hours ago, and look at how he wrote his LOVE LETTERS:

Facing what he perceives as a choice between ecstatic chaos and lifeless mechanistic order, he accedes to maintaining a separation of asexual purity and brutal sexual reality. And he wears a stoical face before this. Read his essay on Tradition and the Individual Talent, as well as Four Quartets, when he’s less concerned with depicting moribund Europe, to catch a sense of what I speak. Remember how I said there’s a certain kind of conservatism which I respect more than bourgeois liberalism—Eliot is of this type. Of course, the dichotomy he maintains is reactionary, but it’s due to a deep fatalism, not ignorance. (Counter him with Yeats or Pound, who, arising from the same milieu, opted to support Hitler and Mussolini.)

“Counter him with Yeats or Pound, who, arising from the same milieu, opted to support Hitler and Mussolini.” Pffft. What a fucking dummy.

So obviously the bloggers would like to point and laugh at NOobaMa’s “Gentlemen’s C’s,” unless it’s more a case of oh sure his grades are fine, we guess, but he took courses in things like “MARXY MARXY REVOLUTION MARX HOORAY 101,” or “Dead Honky: How To Talk Jive,” and maybe “Gender-Queer-Porno Studies: Why Don’t We Do It (In the Butt and) In the Road.” Which all sound like awesome classes, frankly, and we should all go back to college all over again!

But is there anything bad about the bloggers’ criminal offer to receive stolen property? Only this: Obama himself is not eligible for the reward, and we think that’s stank, as OF COURSE he should be all “nah mang, here’s the transcripts, seal raised and everything, and now I am giving your $10,000 to The Center for Atheist Transgendered Scout Masters And Forcible Bortion.” Because that would be baller. [DailyCaller]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Women around the world would like him to Pound their Yeats.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Those are all cricketers.

      • Chichikovovich

        You're a very Brad man.

        • sullivanst

          At least he has some Grace.

        • Limeylizzie

          Fucking hell, Cricket humour? You are a True Man.

        • Limeylizzie

          I have a sticky wicket.

    • Serolf_Divad

      I knew a girl who got Yeats infections like… all the time!

      • Toomush_Infer

        Was her name Jane?….Did she see the Bishop about it?….

    • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

      Oh body swayed to music, oh brightening glance…
      How do I git my wing-wang out my pants?

  • Barb

    Who gives a rat's ass? He got an A+ in Killing Osama Bin Laden.

    • Crank_Tango

      Yes, it is truly opposite day when the wingtards care more about the fancy college grades of a negro than the killing of the worst terrist on earth.

    • Steverino247

      And in getting us out of Iraq. He had to repeat the course in getting out of Afghanistan, though.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Plus Khadaffi for extra credit.

    • JustPixelz

      By the Dubya/Romney standard, killing bin Laden was an extra credit project.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Well shit. What is the REAL outrage? That he "spent too much time at Harvard" or that he "never went there at all there are no records" ? How am I supposed to adequately malign the President in my daily "what are we pretending to put the Pres down for today to mask our basically it comes down to racism hatred" blog? Huh?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      It all coalesces around "He spent too much time cutting class at Harvard"

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Long form transcripts required.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Doesn't matter, Sheriff Joe Arpaio will show they are fake anyway.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I finished 24th out of 25th in my class during my Senior year of High School. Not very good I guess, but at least I wasn't the dumbest!
    True story

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      Man, that's McCain-level class rank!

      • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

        I know, right! I think #25 was borderline (bad word I can't say on here)

        • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

          Skullfucked?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Don't feel bad, DW. I flunked out, and went on to pursue a career in advanced alcoholism.

    • finallyhappy

      That's the old joke- what do you call the guy who graduates at no. 500 out of 500 in medical school? Answer- Dr.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Man, that was a small school….! Just think – you coulda been a contender….!

    • JustPixelz

      You really shouldn't go bragging about going to high school with Dubya.

  • Allmighty_Manos

    Mitt Romney's love letters: "What a thrill it is to come back to Michigan, particularly in the winter, where the skies are cloudy all day, trees are just at the right height, almost all the cars you see are American-made — the way they ought to be,"

    • Fukui-sanYesOta

      LDY #0
      .messageloop
      LDA message,Y
      CMP #0
      BEQ endloop
      JSR &FFEE
      INY
      JMP messageloop
      .endloop
      RTS
      .message EQUS("Shall I compare thee to to a PDP/11?")

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Needs moar NULL

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Ok, now that is WAY over my head.

      • sullivanst

        Mittbott's 6502-based? Well, I suppose there's nothing RISCy about him…

        • Fukui-sanYesOta

          Nice work sir or madam! He runs the same processor as the Terminator.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    You know..if Bush had actually gotten Osama…we would have a National Holiday, led by FOX, called Osama Been Gotten Day

    • mormos

      too bad he went the wrong direction

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I'd take Dance Revolution with Professor Marxy Marx!

    • Baconzgood

      I feel the vibration.

  • PuckStopsHere

    What a snob. Uppity too, I'll bet.

  • gullywompr

    This is the most unimaginative right wing in the entire history of the right wing.

    • TheMightyHaltor

      Until tomorrow.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Y'know, it isn't really a right wing – not even a tailfeather – more like a goosefart in the wind….

    • littlebigdaddy

      Needz moar Herman Goering poncing about.

  • Generation[redacted]

    That's nothing. I can provide the original unaltered transcripts from his time at Kenyan Marxist University (KMU – Forward Reds!), including his application for in-state tuition.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Chief Korir? Is that you? Did you bring the Whitey tape this time?

    • Major Thom

      Crappy school, but what a basketball team!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Do Marxist give grades? It would seem to defeat the whole purpose. I assume they use some alternative system, like smiley faces or so many hammers and sickles.

      • FraAnima

        They give some of the best students' grades to the worst students, so that everyone gets a C. From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      I got my degree in less than two years at KMU…Kenya believe it?!

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    My grandma once said Hilter used our people to Pound Yeats into tasty Mussolinis for the SS.

    .

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Pulling Mussalinis from the Shelleys?

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Obama wrote the word "bourgeois" in college. He must be a Marxist.

    • finallyhappy

      or gay because I think that is now the name of a cosmetics company in France- oh, right, France- Marxist

      • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

        He's a gay Marxist. Sacre bleu!

  • comrad_darkness

    The Right is going to refight this election like its the first round again? Or this pablum is just to keep their drooling, fear addicted followers happy? The second at least makes sense.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Go ahead. Prolly an elitist 4.0 all the way.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      WHAT A SNOB!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    from the same milieu

    It's been so long since I last used the word "milieu" in writing or spoken, I can't be sure what it means. But I bet use of that word goes a long way in fortifying then-young studs such as Bammerz's skills in the cunning linguistics department.

  • MissTaken

    Obama's such a dumbass! I was hosting salons to discuss whether the Eliot type of conservatism was more respectable than bourgeois liberalism in-between episodes of My Little Pony and Great SpaceCoaster while in 3rd grade. Whatevs!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The Great Space Coaster was nothing more than an attempt to bring Randian Objectivism into the main stream through the use of dialectic. Which actually explains most of what is written on NRO.

      • sullivanst

        But it did serve to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Reading Rainbow made me gay.

      • SorosBot

        Reading Rainbow made me watch Star Trek, where the future is a socialist utopia, and I guess that made me the commie liberal I am today.

        It also encouraged learning and imagination, which are anti-Christian.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Seems to me that a college transcript would be even easier to obtain than a long-form birth certificate.

    • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

      Yeah, but you never get the originals. So people would still whine about it being fake no matter what. But the whole birth certificate debacle already demonstrated that these cretins are never going to be happy no matter what anyway.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What a waste of ten grand. Everyone knows that blacks are not capable of getting good grades anyway.

  • Tundra Grifter

    The right wing nutz are stuck in an endless payback loop. Time after time they exhibit this same behavior. They just can't get over anything.

    Who cares about Mr. Obama's grades in college? He's the President of the United States of America.

    I do agree that his academic records are protected, and it's probably illegal to advertise to pay for confidential information.

  • bumfug

    "There's gotta be something wrong with anybody who knows all this shit."

    • mormos

      drive is a defect to these people

  • Baconzgood

    Getting alot of wear out of that Vanity Fair article today ain't we Rebecca?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      And it's awfully sticky now, too…

  • SorosBot

    It's simple; they know that Obama must have had bad grades, even though he was made editor of the Harvard Law Review, because in their minds black people are all stupid and could only have gotten into elite colleges like Columbia and Harvard because of affirmative action. But of course they're not racist!

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

      I remember when Pat Buchanan explicitly made that argument about Justice Sotomayor: because she was Puerto Rican, therefore she must have gotten into college due to affirmative action, and therefore her absolutely stellar academic and judicial record was 'tainted' by the afirmative action we should assume was at work. So basically his argument was that minorities should never be considered qualified for anything, because one could plausibly imagine affirmative action might have touched their lives in some way at some point.

      Fucker continued to draw salary from NBC for another three years.

    • Toomush_Infer

      Which begs the question: Who took Obama's tests and wrote his papers!!!!!!!…..Handwriting analysis, please…..!!!!!!

    • Naked_Bunny

      I'm sure they were even more interested in getting Dubya's complete National Guard records to see if he had done something actually illegal. It's all about the President's character, right?

    • arihaya

      of course they're not racist! some of their best domestics are blah !

  • ThundercatHo

    I want Bamz to give them his transcripts but only if he has them rolled up and tucked in his belt.

    • LeathrTuscadero

      Joe says Bamz speaks softly but has a very big transcript

  • new_pic_for_NEWTer

    From the Daily Caller site: The statement is signed “Bellum Letale,” a Latin expression meaning “deadly war.”

    Really? "deadly war"? over transcripts? Why don't they just come out and say they hate the blahs and will do anything to try to drag down any of them uppity enough to actually accomplish something…

    • mormos

      They’ve been living the white non-white thing for so long they can’t process anything else. They may be poor ignorant pig fucks but at least they’re not black. But now a Harvard educated black man is president and they don’t even have the solace of that former delusion. So they grasp desperately to resurrect it.

  • new_pic_for_NEWTer

    From the Daily Caller site: The statement is signed “Bellum Letale,” a Latin expression meaning “deadly war.”

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Do we need to pull out W's transcript again and dope smack these turds with it?

  • edgydrifter

    Hmmm… let's see… choice, mechanic sex, Europe, liberals… this is all a bunch of faggy egghead nonsense. Wait–Hitler and Mussolini? A-Ha! He's a commie fascist terrorist! Proof, libruls–read it and weep!!

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Here's an example of some of Dubya's scholastics..

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Sitting right, on the hippopotamus.

  • sullivanst

    Six words for the morons:

    graduated magna cum laude from Harvard

    The rest doesn't matter a flying fuck. Either he excelled all through his academic career, or affirmative action works and is entirely justified and appropriate. Which do you want to prove?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Yes, but that is from Harvard, a known Communist enclave. He was probably awarded magna cum laude for organizing a street protest or throwing a garbage can through a shop window.

      • sullivanst

        No, wait, of course, how could we both miss it: for hugging a black man!

    • littlebigdaddy

      Only magna? Loser!

      • TheMightyHaltor

        Yeah really…summa or GTFO.

      • Naked_Bunny

        They didn't want his fakes grades to seem too unreasonable.

    • Redgyal

      I pick option two.

  • SoBeach

    There's something just cute about mouth-breathers fervently insisting that the guy who was president of the Harvard Law Review — at the time they were thinking about maybe giving community college one more shot — is stupid.

  • Preferred Customer

    Proves nothing. Probably written by Bill Ayers, who is well-known to have ghost written all of Obama's love letters.

    Also, too, he was hiding in the beanbag chair and feeding lines to Obama, a la Cyrano, but more Marxist.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Cyrano de Bourgeoisie?

  • SayItWithWookies

    “We are doing this because we are tired of the media not doing their job,” [idiot blogger Brooks Bayne] said. ”We are tired of the PR propaganda coming out of places like Media Matters, and we are tired of this administration stonewalling over things like Fast and Furious.”

    Well — if there's one thing that'll put a stop to Media Matters reporting all the stupidass misogynistic fact-free crap that Rush and Assity spew, it'll be the acquisition and dissemination of Barack Obama's college transcript. Simple cause and effect, people — its power is undeniable!

    • edgydrifter

      And though I'm sure it's somehow possible to connect the dots between Obama's essays from Freshman Comp and his covert assassination of border agents under the guise of "sloppy record keeping" during Fast and Furious, I'm no good at multidimensional geometry and that's a whole shitload of dots.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Hey, you know who else paid money to illegally gather information on a Democrat running for president?

    • vodkamuppet

      Kennedy?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Well, my money's on Reagan.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Liebermann?

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    From Politico 2010:

    Sometimes, politicians refuse to cross the line. Speechwriter Mark Katz recalled two rejected jokes he wrote, the first for the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner.

    Katz wrote this joke for President Bill Clinton in 1998 after he had survived impeachment and fundraising scandals:

    “Looking back, maybe I should have raised money in the Oval Office and had sex in the Lincoln Bedroom.”

    And Katz wrote this one for former Vice President Al Gore in 2000, after his mediocre college grades became public:

    “It’s true I got C’s and D’s my freshman year at Harvard, but, in my own defense, that was the year I invented the bong.”

    • Wile E. Quixote

      And Katz wrote this one for former Vice President Al Gore in 2000, after his mediocre college grades became public:

      “It’s true I got C’s and D’s my freshman year at Harvard, but, in my own defense, that was the year I invented the bong.”

      Damn, if he'd used that line he would have locked up the stoner vote in 2000, won the election and America would be a better place today.

      • Preferred Customer

        Well, if he'd used that line he would have locked up the stoner vote in 2000, and then…wait, what were we talking about?

        • Wile E. Quixote

          I don't know. I can't remember. Man, I'm hungry, do you think Taco Bell is still open?

  • WhatTheHeck

    Then there was that time when he sat around in a circle with his Yale buddies and the skull of Geronimo and…

    Oh wait. Wrong president.

  • Steverino247

    Of all my college grades, I think my C in calculus is the one I'm most proud of. I needed it for the Bachelor of Science degree and it took me four hours of work every damned day to get that grade. End of semester grades: 2 x B, 3 x C (including mine) and everybody else failed the course. I balanced it by getting an A in Russian in order to keep my 3.0 grade average for the semester.

    Not bad for a tall white guy. (snorts derisively)

  • Hedley_Lamarr

    Mail them anything, I doubt those crackers have ever seen a college transcript. Profit!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    and now I am giving your $10,000 to The Center for Atheist Transgendered Scout Masters And Forcible Bortion.”

    Uh, they changed their name to SPLC or ACLU or something.

  • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

    Wingnutz are just mad that there is now photographic evidence that Obama both went to college and dated white wimmin.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Mumbly_Joe

    Remember when Bush willingly released his college transcripts? Or Reagan?

    Hmm, wonder what the difference is.

    (10g) Before voting for a black politician, scrutinize his/her character much more carefully than you would a white

    Oh, right.

  • Not_So_Much

    Holy fuckballs — I foolishly started to read the comments over there. I think I might have a brain tumor now.

    (Or, in their parlance, "I GOTS A HURT THANGY IN MAH BRANEZ PAN!1!! OBUMMER SOSHULISM!!")

    • sullivanst

      Yeah, I usually refrain from even clicking through, but "never read the comments" is pretty much a hard-and-fast rule.

  • Mahousu

    The love letters were obviously all ghost-written by Saul Alinsky. (Quite literally, since he was dead at the time.)

  • littlebigdaddy

    In the room the women come and go, talking of Barry Sotero.

  • SorosBot

    Man, why did I let myself get sucked into the comments? However I did get an amazing rebuttal – "ROFLMAO……SMOKE ANOTHER ONE OBOT". How can I argue against that?

    • anniegetyerfun

      You cannot. That is the kind of use of the Socratic method that defies response.

  • Redhead

    What exactly are they trying to find here? More evidence that he's smarter than Shrub?

  • LeathrTuscadero

    OT I just started posting here and noticed the Intensedebate reputation meter. I am rated a 4p. Who the fuck is below me?

    • JustPixelz

      It can go negative! On wonkette, only thumbs up button is used. But on other sites, a comment can be rated down. If you want a Wonkette Red Badge of Courage, go over to biggovernment.com (or whatever the fuck it's called) and say something like "Hooray for socialism" or "Sarah Palin is a lesbian". You'll have a nice red negative rating in no time.

  • LeathrTuscadero

    Just climbed to 6p based on the last comment. Maybe it's points for saying "fuck"?

    • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

      Don't feel bad. My p's go down every time I comment. I'm just here for spite anymore.

    • HistoriCat

      The first 50-60 points are easy. Then you keep going and get up into the 90s … and then you'll wonder who you have to kill and/or sleep with to get to triple digits.

      • Toomush_Infer

        It's all about the double p's…..

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Oh, you definitely get points for that around here. Even more if you use some word or expression which obviously means fuck but isn't fuck.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Gender-Queer-Porno Studies: Why Don’t We Do It (In the Butt and) In the Road

    I took that class at Mount Holyoke. Half a awesome as you would think.

    • littlebigdaddy

      Good preparation for a career as a Wonkette commentator!

  • Exhausted66

    I suppose they're only interested in his grades from ONE TERM.
    Amiright?

  • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

    I can't wait for the video of O'Keefe dressed in whatever halloween costume he chooses this time, trying to gain entry into Harvard so that he can sexually assault/woo one of the registrars into giving him access to Barry's records. Hopefully it will be a big lady with a moustache and hairy legs, and she'll take him up on his offer and then re-nig on the transcript part.

  • rickmaci

    Just looked at the Harvard Law School graduation requirements. BHO graduated with latin honors, "magna cum laude". Eligibility for latin honors is determined by GPA. "Magna" honors are awarded to the students with a 3 year cummulative GPA that ranks them in the top 10% of the graduating class.

    Whatever the demons that cause the Wingtards to focus on "affirmative action" as some phony perceived evil (which we can all see is masking their nearly endless supply of racist poison), a student can't be affirmative actioned into the top 10% of the class. A student either has the GPA or not. If he got the magna, he had the grades. Case closed.

  • JustPixelz

    They should be careful what they wish for. Repubicans detest knowledge and facts and expertise. If Obama had straight Fs, they'd make him their king.

  • ttommyunger

    Hope the Secret Service keeps this shit away from Barry and Michelle; uncontrollable laughter can be painful if not harmful.

  • http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/39308_Breitbarts_Fans_Spew_Racism_Call_for_President_Obama_t glamourdammerung

    The most amusing part about these whines about President Obama's grades is that all those teabaggers that claim to have advanced degrees keep showing that they have no idea how grading works. You do not get "magna cum laude" for just showing up.

  • rickmaci

    Holy rich kid affirmative action Batman. Why isn't there an outcry to see Mittetch-a-sketch's admission scores and transcripts at Harvard? Just thinking out loud here but I'm taking bets there was a legacy admission standard that scored his admission. Don't hear any of his former professors touting him as a brilliant student. What say Willard? Show us YOUR records.

  • Dr. Nick Riviera

    He's one of those dumbass magna cum laudes I keep hearing about.

  • notreelyhelping

    Slim, stoned, and brilliant is no way to go through life, son.