Remember all those wacky 2010 political ads from the idiots who are now all in Congress or running every state? (Except for Carly Fiorina?) Some jackass would squat on the ground and bang his head with a frying pan while eating Cheetoz through his nose, or what have you — this was every entry level political ad in the past election cycle. Now we’ve got the “new wave” of sillypantses, like this guy, Roland Sledge. (You’ll never guess what type of -hammer graphic he uses metaphorically.) “Isn’t it about time we elected political leaders,” Sledge, a candidate for Texas Railroad Commissioner, says, “that have sense enough not to pee on electric fences?” Then some guy fries his brains out, ah ha ha. Great clip, fucker.
[NBC]
{ 127 comments }
Don't pee on electric fence:
Or urine for a big surprise.
Puns like that piss me off.
Oh, get yer head outta Uranus…
Stop listening to Urethra Franklin.
Urethra Franklin, Aretha's less talented sister. And, really, that's a compliment, because no one can be more talented than Aretha. Aretha's got bowl movements bigger and more famous than Beyonce.
Barb's a whizz at 'em!
It's like a sledge hammer to crack nuts.
Hey Sledge, I'm a nine… urinate.
This being TX, he should be pointing out that if you see a man about a horse, make sure the sumbitch doesn't use electric fences, 'cuz that's just cruel.
Learning from experience 101.
The Texas Railroad Commissioner is ideally positioned to do something about the national debt, the housing industry, and corruption in the state of Illinois, all right.
But will he protect the 2nd Amendment?
The Texas Railroad Commission should do something about railway lines in that State that run over or adjacent to drinking water sources and are used by trains hauling toxic materials.
Wish I was kidding about that.
Tell me another one, lib-tard …. After you're done pissing on the electric fence, I mean!! Haw Haw!
Figures. Here is Cali we have a nuclear reactor built on a fault line. Of course, I should have known Texas would find some way to top that…
Clearly, the Texas Railroad Commissioners (aka "Crossing lights? We don't need no steekin' crossing lights!") are overqualified for their jobs.
Crossing lights are just part of a Big Government Nanny State scheme to restrict your freedom.
EDIT: Silly bastards don't even regulate railroads, according to the wikipedia. Actually calling it the "Gas and Oil Commission" would maybe be socialist, I dunno.
The Texas Railroad Commission somehow has jurisdiction over the oil industry in the state….not sure how, and seeing as how railroads are communist, i doubt they do much with them in Texas…
Whip 'em out Wing-nuts.
Cock Shock
Hick Dick.
Bolt volt jolt.
What does a lady get if she pees on an electric fence? Discharge?
She gets sent ohm in disgrace
Barb, she gets a hi-voltage laugh from the other women…
(POV: Strong mother, no brothers, 4 sisters, a wife, four daughters, and I read Margaret Atwood's "Cat's Eye"…twice.)
A Peest Infection.
Extra vultage.
Corn Nutz
I don't like the current this is taking.
Nothing says 'Dumb' like a dumb guy saying things.
Wouldn't Railroad De-Commissioner be a more appropriate office for a Republican?
Viagra for farmers.
"(Except for Carly Fiorina?)"
Have we forgotten a certain not-a-which, or the second amendment solutions?
Ronald Sledge doesn't have enough sense to run a decent ad.
I miss the good old days, when men destroyed their cocks on barbed wire fences.
I don't remember those days. Care to elaborate?
Ow.
I think if that had happened to me, I'd have had a brownout
I dunno. I'm withholding my vote until I see the pro-peeing-on-electric-fences candidate's video.
I always wondered what happened to that dude from the short lived TV series Sledge Hammer.
RASCHE LIBEL!
Didn't Mythbusters debunk this? Depends.
It's not fatal, but it is definitely shocking. I think I learned not to pee on electric fences after the third time or so. The first time, I was dared. The next two or three times I wanted to see if I could stop before I got shocked. Apparently, I was a slow learner as a kid.
Bravo, you are now eligible to run for Texas Railroad Commissioner.
Glad to see they finally made a sequel to Ow My Balls.
Railroads: the Wagon Trains of the future
Rod Blagojevich made tough decisions every morning when he combed his hair.
The only way his opponent can top this is dead baby joke ads. Pretty clever when you think about
Or promise to find private investors create an Orient Express-experience in west Texas. JOBS!
Q: How many dead babies to you get when you destroy the national safety net?
A: All of them, Katie.
Win!!!! So wrong it's right.
ROTFLMAO!
Don't you understand dude, republicans pee on the poor. They call this trickle on economics.
Don't even get me started. Since we've been living under the rich, I mean, Job Creators' tinkle down economics since 1980, I expected that by the year 2012, I would be drowning in money, not debt. WTF?
It's a lot like sucking on a taser.
Dont put your lips on it, boy! You don't know who been pissing there!
Unless you're into blood play, a violet wand would be safer. They even have attachments.
Can we put that electric fence in the men's room in Congress? Put it along the urinals on the right side, since I'm guessing the wingnuts in the GOP don't use anything that is to the left of them?
Yes, but Sledge's opponent, Arty Farty, has an ad that successfully argues how former Texas Railroad Commissioner, Tutti Frutti, ruined Farty's party by blowing a beauty. So there.
"…and this–our top story: the dangerous fad sweeping the entire state: 'zapping'. Emergency rooms have seen a dramatic increase in young boys–some as young as six–being admitted after 'zapping', or more plainly, urinating on an electric fence. It is believed that a political ad supporting Roland Sledge has created an interest in the dangerous feat among young males statewide."
See? Sumbitch's already had an impact.
Dude, you worked for the oil and gas industry and you cannot afford to retake that shot where there is a fly on your shirt?
I have long realized that my prejudice toward Texas and Texans is no better than any other type of bigotry…but as soon as Ronald Sledge started talking I just knew he was an idiot.
Sooooooooooo exactly how does the TRC get the national debt down?
Ok, so, you see, they own all these rails that are barely used, maybe twice, three times an hour, right?
So what they do is they sell them for scrap metal for next to nothing until the next train is ready to come by, then they quick run out and buy a whole passel of the stuff…
He's just pandering for the primary. No one actually pays any attention to the actual work the commission does (which has squat to do with railroads), so all the candidates spend their time trying to out-flank their opponents to the right. No one has yet dug up Reagan's corpse and had sex with it on camera but it's only a matter of time.
Is there some reason that my former Illinois governor is relevant to this galoot's railroads?
Because electric fences.
The Tea Party's favorite plant, wiz-tearia.
Not Pee-on-knees?
What is in the TX RR Commissioner's job description that makes "able to be a huge smartass about ANY topic" a plus on a resume? (And the wonkette nation raises it's hand) Hey folks, I wanna be commissioner – and I should get to be yours, because I can be a Gigantic Prick! Just watch!
Ronald Sledge. A waste of a really good name.
I bet his middle name is "Breeze."
Breeze sledge doesn't seem to have the impact of an air hammer.
True. It'd be a great gay porn star name.
Texas: America's petri dish of Republican thought.
That's an assload of folksy wisdom there, Sledge — I'll vote for you. Is "Guy whittling out in front of the gas station" an elected office?
That danged two-wire 'lectric fence ain't gonna keep out them illegals
I call bullshit.
First, it's TOMMMY Sledge and second, he said he was a P.I. and nothing about peeing on an eye!
My favorite Jackass stunt is when they shot bottle rockets out of their butts. I'll vote for the candidate who does this.
Don't Wiz On The Electric Fence
Ren = JIM NEWELL???
~
Oh wait I get it. This is some kind of Texas code. All Texan men pee on electric fences. Roland wants us to vote for a person who possesses one of those vagina thingies.
It's great that a guy wanting to be railroad commissioner seems to know fucking nothing about railroads and just talks about some random shit irrelevant to his campaign.
That's the kind of solutions-oriented pasty-white doofus you want as RRC.
I find the irony of Conservative politicians advancing arguments like his only three years after Bush left office stunning. Really, we are the group that refuses to learn from observation and study. I posit that Republicans have been peeing on the same fence for forty years. Not only have they not learned to avoid it, they argue for its curative properties (prostate health?).
Tarnish the dang fence!
Texas, where the sport of electric fencing was born.
Isn't peeing on fences Texas' favorite pastime? Or is it goat shaggin'?
It's really best when you can combine the two.
Ayup! Nothing like a vibratin' goat…
I had family in Texas that fucked watermelons. Really.
You did NOT.
I tell not a lie. My two male cousins and a couple of friends of theirs would go into the fields at night, cut a hole in the fruit and fuck away. What's worse is they would put the plug back in and leave it on the vine!
I do not associate with these people, btw.
Thanks, dbb. Now I can never eat watermelon again.
"You’ll never guess what type of -hammer graphic he uses metaphorically."
M.C.?
(You’ll never guess what type of -hammer graphic he uses metaphorically.)
Given the ad, I'm guessing a ball-peen hammer?
Quoth Wikipedia:
Oh this should be good.
Wait. What?
First, they have *regulations* in Texas?
Second, WTF?
My guess is that voting to change the name to reflect its current mission would be a "new regulation," and the only regulations they like in Texas are the ones that end in a lethal injection.
Wait, what?
edit: haha, snap actor2012
This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
"Effective October 1, 2005 …the rail oversight functions of the Railroad Commission were transferred to the Texas Department of Transportation. The traditional name of the Commission was not changed despite the loss of its titular regulatory duties."
OK, sure, why not?
Texas. Fuck me.
The Educatin Department of Texas (DET) is the state agencie that regulates the birds and the bees – we think.
So it's all working out fine then.
Whatever happened to all those sesquipedalian conservatives?
Sledge's campaign song
Roland Sledge is an expert on this; it's how he won the Texas All-State Science Fair in high school.
When I was young, I had no sense,
I pissed all over an electric fence.
It curled my hairs, it tickled my balls,
It made me crap my overalls.
This Roland Sledge guy kinda sucks, but I like his Sister
A Texas oil man in elected to public office? What could go wrong?
Electricity is just a theory that electrons move via holes. No one has ever seen an electron.
PISS AWAY DUMBASSES! 1!!!1!!!
"Stimpy! You idiot!"
Don't Piss on the Electric Fence was my favorite game as a child.
Next week's ad:
"Howdy ya'll! I'm Roland Sledge runnin' for Texas Railroad Commissioner. I don't like poor bastards, negroes, messicans or uppity wimmins bitchin' 'bout their birth control or abortions. I do like Jesus, guns, oil and blondes with big titties. Remember, vote Sledge for Railroad Commissioner. God bless the USA!"
Needs more ghey hate.
A little OT, but here's my current favorite comment on the state of what passes for critical thinking in Texas http://randyreport.blogspot.com/2012/05/bill-nye-… .
Most of my relatives live in or are from Texas, and on a good day, 35% to 40% of the electorate still votes for non-Teatards. And Austin is an oasis in the middle of the desert. But as well as I know the place, sometimes I just wonder, what the fuck is wrong with those people.
Waco.
"So, you whizzed on the electric fence, didn't ya?"
wait blago peed on a fence and i paid an extra $110 as a member of 'the state' b/c of it?
i am so voting for this guy.
Im heartened you didn't feel the need to name his party affiliation, Jim, 'cause it's so obvious. lol
A few things abouot the acting, though. First, if you're leaning forward peeing on a low-voltage electric fence, you're probably going to fall forward. Second, becaue of this, your hands aren't going to go off to your sides palms up.
BTW, the Texas Railroad Commission can't be a real thing, can it? It feels counterintuitive to say, but Texas has too many elected officials. I'm sure there is probably a Texas Commissioner of Dog-catching.
I remember once in Arkansas visiting family as a child in a rural town, the neighbor kept goats in his front yard penned in by an electric fence. While this was a small town, the guy lived a few blocks from main street, so I was shocked to find you could keep goats in your front yard (he also had old cars on blocks, but that is neither here nor there). Anyway, one of the favorite passtimes of the local children was to see who could hold onto the electric fence the longest. Did I need to mention this was in rural Arkansas?
Wire are you doing this to us?
Watt did we ever do to annoy you?
How very impedance of you…!
That's a joule in the crown of comments right there.
Resitance is futile
Erg! That hurt.
I think this has gone too farad now.
Don't let a few sexual delinquents from Texas ruin watermelon. I watched them do it, and I still enjoy the fruit.
I do check for possible holes, though.
It is delicious. I guess I'll just watch for any white ooze coming out of it.
Don't think you can cage me in!
Given the first two letters of your name, you should be saying that it hertz.
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