Important Vanity Fair Barack Obama Nerd Love Update: Young Obama Wore Brut

  you sexy thing

SsssmokingIt is going to take weeks to unpack all of this New Yorker-length Vanity Fair article “Portrait Of Obama As A Pretentious Young Man,” but we at Your Wonkette know your carnal and emotional needs, and that is to have regular updates on this, the greatest magazine journalism of its generation. Up now!

She remembered how on Sundays Obama would lounge around, drinking coffee and solving the New York Times crossword puzzle, bare-chested, wearing a blue and white sarong. His bedroom was closest to the front door, offering a sense of privacy and coziness. Genevieve described it in her journal this way: “I open the door, that Barack keeps closed, to his room, and enter into a warm, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his liveliness, his habits—running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing.”

Shirtless, blue and white sarong, and Brut. This has been your Obama Vanity Fair nooner update. [VanityFair]

Share This
 
Related video

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

134 comments

    1. Baconzgood

      Do they even make that anymore or did it go the way of the dodo and cocaine spoon neck chains?

      1. commiegirl

        I don't know, but you could still smell the Paco Rabanne for an hour after my son left the house this morning.

      2. Tundra Grifter

        Back in the day it was "Jade East" or "Russian Leather."

        Today, "Havana." Thankfully, JHL started making it again.

    2. actor212

      Back then, I was a Jovan Musk man, myself. I sort of see him wearing that more than Brut. It's a smoover fragrance.

      (today, Van Cleef and Arpels for Men, cuz I like smelling like fruit salad)

  1. freakishlywrong

    Fuck. The wingers are going to have a spontaneous orgasm of hate hurling this at him. Drudge probably already has the siren going.

  2. widestanceromance

    Yeah, but unlike a Republican, you know he had enough sense to not put it on his boys.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Osama is dead, GM is alive and… oh, I hope you don't mind that I did your New York Times crossword puzzle while you were in there changing.

    2. HistoriCat

      I usually do the crossword puzzle in ink.

      OK I start doing the crossword puzzle but seldom finish it. Which is why Obama is President and, uh, I'm not.

      Fuck my life.

  3. freakishlywrong

    Hey Barbie, you're going to need special shoes for your curly toes by the end of the day.

    1. jetjaguar

      If it was good enough for my awesome grandpa, it was good enough for me god dammit! (at age 13)

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Probably illegal in NY. Fifty percent of the time, it works one hundred percent of the time.

  4. Goonemeritus

    I’m starting to feel the emotional needs of this blogs male readership are being under-valued.

    1. BornInATrailer

      The balance between swoon-inducing Obama items and stories involving Meg's dirty pillows (or, really, any dirty pillows) seems off.

      (and yes, adjust the above sentiment for our more sugary guys or more flannel-y gals)

    2. sullivanst

      As a straight male, I clearly don't get as much out of this as the ladyfolk around here, but there's still a tingling.

      Let's face it, of the guy Wonketteers who aren't already, half of us would totally go gay for Barry.

  5. Blueb4sunrise

    Was hoping for a live blog

    French President Nicolas Sarkozy is preparing to meet his Socialist challenger, Francois Hollande, in their only debate of the election campaign.

    Except I don't understand French and have no idea what time this is.

    The two men will meet in a TV studio at 21:00 (19:00 GMT) for the debate
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17921348

    1. sullivanst

      I think Genevieve'll be OK, because of this:

      Early in Barack’s relationship with Genevieve, he had told her about “his adolescent image of the perfect ideal woman” and how he had searched for her “at the expense of hooking up with available girls.” Who was this ideal woman? Genevieve conjured her in her mind, and it was someone other than herself. She wrote, “I can’t help thinking that what he would really want, be powerfully drawn to, was a woman, very strong, very upright, a fighter, a laugher, well-­experienced—a black woman I keep seeing her as.”

      Clearly, an insightful woman.

      1. Negropolis

        An insecure one, too, apparently, from reading the excerpts from the diary. What I can't get over is that she seemed to convince herself from the beginning that if the relationship didn't work, it was because of some idealized black woman she imagined Barack wanting. It was self-sabotage from the get-go. And she talks about his aloofness. lol

        1. sullivanst

          Meh, we all have our insecurities. He basically said of himself during that time of his life most of what she said of him. And in the end they each appeared to blame themselves, or perhaps take the credit, for ending the relationship.

          The part about the footrace seemed like good fodder for the therapist's couch, though.

    1. sullivanst

      You know, I think we reverse-Poe's-lawed the right.

      Was catching up with TP this morning and read the right's reaction to Obama's new campaign slogan, "Forward", has near-universally been: "You know who else said 'Forward'?"

    2. Negropolis

      Me at a tender, young age? I thought the California raisins were cool as a child; so sue me.

  6. widestanceromance

    Paramedics are on their way to Benincasa's house now, just as a precaution.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      She was found splayed out on the couch, fanning herself with an issue of the New Yorker that was handy, and muttering "it's OK, I just got a little dizzy, that's all."

  7. Arken

    Is Vanity Fair actually suggesting that the Kenyan Anti-Colonial Marxist Socialist Maoist Secret Muslim was a typical college student and not spending all night in Bill Ayers' basement building suicide belts? Because I, for one, find that very hard to believe.

  8. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    "running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing.”

    Bullshit, his room smelled like sex and you know it. Okay, brut, raisins and sex. And sandalwood. My imagination is adding a hint of sandalwood.

  9. SorosBot

    After this, I think the only thing that could make the straight ladies' panties any wetter would be an excerpt describing how young Barack was a skilled and enthusiastic cunning linguist.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      It's been said that community organizing was the thing that young Barack did second best.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    What — no cello resting in the corner next to a music stand? No smell of freshly-rising bread dough ready for the oven? No hand-tinted lithograph of his own making on the wall? Poseur. And no, I'm not jealous.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      Yeah I was waiting for details about the hours he puts in volunteering for the latest homeless-kittycat shelter; teaching disadvantaged youth how to string a guitar and score a serenade; and the offbeat Goodwill Hunting-like "wanna chew some caramels" knockoff, per Whittier: "I just brewed a fresh batch of soma, here have a taste.."

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I guess I'll have to read the whole thing and find out how completely awesome our prez is — in my lushly-appointed abode with its waftings of cat litter deodorizer, dishes that need washing, and a certain vague mustiness while wearing my shirt with the missing button and sipping my Domino pinot grigio (on sale for ten bucks for the 1.5 L bottle). So in many ways our lives are quite the same.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          (on sale for ten bucks

          I'm *still* waiting to discover the six-pack of (no doubt flavorless) beer marked "$6.66" to enjoy with some nicely sautéed Seitan.

  11. ElPinche

    This, of course, is in stark contrast to Mitt Romney's presence mainly consisting of aqua-velva, new currency, and unwashed unholy underwear.

    1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Im smelling a hint of santorum. It was college and he was experimenting.

  12. SexySmurf

    Mitt Wit's room smelled of ass, loneliness, Aqua Velva, and eating Jell-o. Mormons love the Jell-o.

    1. ElPinche

      I said almost the same thing, but I like yours better (especially desperation….Mittens fucking reeks of it).

      1. SexySmurf

        This is the second time I've been beaten to the snark. I'm getting slow (in the good way, am I right ladies?) in my old age.

        1. ElPinche

          whatever ms. 127p. My home is page 2 of wonkette posts where it reeks of espresso, arm-pit, and nachos.

          1. new_pic_for_NEWTer

            Whatever ms/mr 109p…
            I wish I could make it to page 2, I'd love to smell the desperation/ass. Heysuess Christo could announce his 2nd coming on page 3 of the Wonkette comments and nobody would notice.

  13. DaRooster

    Sorry but this guy is too cool to be our Prez based on some of the dweebs we've been having.

    1. freakishlywrong

      Oh he's fine for US, Rooster, it's THEM he's way too good for. And they know it.

  14. thefrontpage

    "I think it's a great article–very, very sexy!" said Ted Nugent when asked for his thoughts on the article by Far-Right and Gay, a far-right gay magazine based out of the Fox News Building in New York City. "In fact, when I read this article, I wanted very much to have Biblical knowing relations with our president. I've always wanted that."

  15. iburl

    "Brut spray deodorant"
    That was my shit in the 80's! I wonder if I'M secretly from Kenya now.

    1. cobweb2

      I will create a shrine for the Brut Stick which has served me faithfully for these past three decades, employed only for funerals and the annual Christmas party my wife hosts for my 30+in-laws.

  16. EtchySketchy

    'Eating raisins' sounds so innocent when they leave out the detail of Barack's pet rabbit 'Dr Marx'.

  17. ThundercatHo

    Dear Penthouse,
    You'll never believe what happened to me today. I had just gotten back from a run and was relaxing in my sarong, doing the NYT crossword puzzle and eating some raisins when this hot, french girl opened my door and . . .

  18. sullivanst

    Don't know how Vanity Fair failed to mention Obama's thug life past:

    The way Sohale Siddiqi remembers it, he and his old roommate were walking his pug Charlie on Broadway when a large, scary bum approached them, stomping on the ground near the dog’s head. This was in the 1980s, a time when New York was a fearful place beset by drugs and crime, when the street smart knew that the best way to handle the city’s derelicts was to avoid them entirely. But Siddiqi was angry and he confronted the man, who approached him menacingly. Until his skinny, elite univerity-educated friend – Barack Obama – intervened. He “stepped right in between. … He planted his face firmly in the face of the guy. ‘Hey, hey, hey.’ And the guy backpedaled and we kept walking,” Siddiqi recalls.

  19. Come here a minute

    You would have never found any of the components of this mixture of smells in Mitt Romney's college residence — especially "breathing".

  20. Naked_Bunny

    If only Obama were mouth-breathing, the teabaggers might be able to relate to the guy.

  21. Wile E. Quixote

    Ann remembered how on Sundays Mitt would lounge around, with the top button on his temple garment unbuttoned drinking an unflavored mixture of electrolytes and WD-40 and reading the Family Circus. His maintenance bay bedroom was closest to the front door, allowing him to quickly engage his weapons systems if the Jehovah's Witnesses ever called.
    "I open the door, that Mitt keeps closed, to his maintenance bay, and it opens with a sliding noise like those doors in Star Trek and enter into a closeted, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his robotic nature, his habits, or perhaps a better term would be programming–machine oil, ozone, WD-40 and lube, lots and lots of lube."

  22. starfanglednut

    I sometimes indulge in a fantasy that hopey reads teh wonkette, and gets an enormous kick out of all the lustful attention directed in toward his presidential self.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Either that or we're all on a watch list because of the level of stalker lust.

  23. arihaya

    there is an old Asian saying: "It's not the sarong which is important, it's what inside the sarong."

  24. Negropolis

    Let me just ask, could this girl be any more dramatic in her writing? I'm so glad I never went the whole emo route. The only thing I've been able to get from the writing is how much it reads like an SNL skit on the perils of pretension, all of this pysch study and not letting the relationship be what it wants to be, but overthinking it the entire time. Barry, it wasn't you; it was her.

Comments are closed.