YOU SEXY THING  12:00 pm May 2, 2012

Important Vanity Fair Barack Obama Nerd Love Update: Young Obama Wore Brut

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

SsssmokingIt is going to take weeks to unpack all of this New Yorker-length Vanity Fair article “Portrait Of Obama As A Pretentious Young Man,” but we at Your Wonkette know your carnal and emotional needs, and that is to have regular updates on this, the greatest magazine journalism of its generation. Up now!

She remembered how on Sundays Obama would lounge around, drinking coffee and solving the New York Times crossword puzzle, bare-chested, wearing a blue and white sarong. His bedroom was closest to the front door, offering a sense of privacy and coziness. Genevieve described it in her journal this way: “I open the door, that Barack keeps closed, to his room, and enter into a warm, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his liveliness, his habits—running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing.”

Shirtless, blue and white sarong, and Brut. This has been your Obama Vanity Fair nooner update. [VanityFair]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 134 comments }

nounverb911 May 2, 2012 at 11:31 am

I preferred "Hai Karate" myself.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Do they even make that anymore or did it go the way of the dodo and cocaine spoon neck chains?

commiegirl May 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I don't know, but you could still smell the Paco Rabanne for an hour after my son left the house this morning.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Is his name, ah, Eugene?

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I've got plans and they don't include you, tonite!!

jqheywood May 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Count your blessings…it could have been Axe Body Spray….

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

EPA regulations put it out of business in the 1980s

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Back in the day it was "Jade East" or "Russian Leather."

Today, "Havana." Thankfully, JHL started making it again.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

What, no love for English Leather?

Biff May 2, 2012 at 11:42 pm

That, and Old Spice were my go-to's.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Back then, I was a Jovan Musk man, myself. I sort of see him wearing that more than Brut. It's a smoover fragrance.

(today, Van Cleef and Arpels for Men, cuz I like smelling like fruit salad)

Pop_Socket May 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Brut is hard to find nowadays. I had to switch to Axe like a 13-year-old.

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Fuck. The wingers are going to have a spontaneous orgasm of hate hurling this at him. Drudge probably already has the siren going.

iburl May 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

I think the drudge siren has been stuck on "Black Alert" since about 2008.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Blaring the siren. I don't believe I've ever heard that euphemism before.

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Sludge will change it to Opium.

widestanceromance May 2, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Yeah, but unlike a Republican, you know he had enough sense to not put it on his boys.

Schmannnity May 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Surong=socialism.

ThundercatHo May 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Less dumb hat, moar sarong.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I bet he did the NYT crossword with indelible ink. Tough mofo.

ThundercatHo May 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Obama, Barack Obama.

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Osama is dead, GM is alive and… oh, I hope you don't mind that I did your New York Times crossword puzzle while you were in there changing.

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

I usually do the crossword puzzle in ink.

OK I start doing the crossword puzzle but seldom finish it. Which is why Obama is President and, uh, I'm not.

Fuck my life.

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Pshaw! London Times crossword or GTFO!

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Hey Barbie, you're going to need special shoes for your curly toes by the end of the day.

ThundercatHo May 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I also don't think we're going to hear from Lizzy much today.

starfanglednut May 2, 2012 at 2:04 pm

And the sound of the wonketeers fapping could be heard across the globe.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

OLD SPICE LIBEL!

jetjaguar May 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

If it was good enough for my awesome grandpa, it was good enough for me god dammit! (at age 13)

edgydrifter May 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I was hoping for Sex Panther, by Odeon.

johnnymeatworth May 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

It smells like Bigfoot's dick….

BerkeleyBear May 2, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Probably illegal in NY. Fifty percent of the time, it works one hundred percent of the time.

Goonemeritus May 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I’m starting to feel the emotional needs of this blogs male readership are being under-valued.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

TITS OR GTFO!

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The balance between swoon-inducing Obama items and stories involving Meg's dirty pillows (or, really, any dirty pillows) seems off.

(and yes, adjust the above sentiment for our more sugary guys or more flannel-y gals)

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Seriously, can't Dennis Kucinich trot out his gal for us one more time?

el_donaldo May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Once again. I miss Huntsman's daughters.

PhilippePetain May 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Sexist.

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

As a straight male, I clearly don't get as much out of this as the ladyfolk around here, but there's still a tingling.

Let's face it, of the guy Wonketteers who aren't already, half of us would totally go gay for Barry.

fuflans May 2, 2012 at 10:39 pm

you'all have had a nice run for a long time now.

let us have a lil fun.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Genevieve? That sounds suspiciously French.

WhatTheHeck May 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

“That sounds suspiciously French.”

Great pick-up line. Try it.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Wait! Wait! Slow down….

"-spish-uslee….French!"

OK, any others?

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Nice try, but she's Aussie.

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

What!? No Axe Anarchy?

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Raisin-breath and spray deo-deo are harshing my fantasy buzz, I must say.

Blueb4sunrise May 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Was hoping for a live blog

French President Nicolas Sarkozy is preparing to meet his Socialist challenger, Francois Hollande, in their only debate of the election campaign.

Except I don't understand French and have no idea what time this is.

The two men will meet in a TV studio at 21:00 (19:00 GMT) for the debate
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17921348

Arken May 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

So like 112 years ago?

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

2PM, EDT, unless its a day ending in Y

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Somebody get Lisa Wines on this!

Blueb4sunrise May 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Okay, yes, that was my motive………….

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Michelle is going to cut a bitch.

elviouslyqueer May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"Genevieve, darling, you are no match for me and my Enjoli."

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I think Genevieve'll be OK, because of this:

Early in Barack’s relationship with Genevieve, he had told her about “his adolescent image of the perfect ideal woman” and how he had searched for her “at the expense of hooking up with available girls.” Who was this ideal woman? Genevieve conjured her in her mind, and it was someone other than herself. She wrote, “I can’t help thinking that what he would really want, be powerfully drawn to, was a woman, very strong, very upright, a fighter, a laugher, well-­experienced—a black woman I keep seeing her as.”

Clearly, an insightful woman.

Negropolis May 3, 2012 at 2:28 am

An insecure one, too, apparently, from reading the excerpts from the diary. What I can't get over is that she seemed to convince herself from the beginning that if the relationship didn't work, it was because of some idealized black woman she imagined Barack wanting. It was self-sabotage from the get-go. And she talks about his aloofness. lol

sullivanst May 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

Meh, we all have our insecurities. He basically said of himself during that time of his life most of what she said of him. And in the end they each appeared to blame themselves, or perhaps take the credit, for ending the relationship.

The part about the footrace seemed like good fodder for the therapist's couch, though.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

The profile that dampened a million panties

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Eating raisins, eating, sleeping?

Elitist Socialist Pig!

MissTaken May 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Again, Goddamn.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Gotta recharge them batteries?

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

You know who else ate raisins, slept, and breathed?

Blueb4sunrise May 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I hope it wasn't skullfuckingdog.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Stop judging me!!!

DaRooster May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm
SayItWithWookies May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

The Jeffrey Dahmer California Raisin?

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Saul Alinsky?

elviouslyqueer May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm
WhatTheHeck May 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

The Sultanas of swing.

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

You know, I think we reverse-Poe's-lawed the right.

Was catching up with TP this morning and read the right's reaction to Obama's new campaign slogan, "Forward", has near-universally been: "You know who else said 'Forward'?"

George Spelvin May 2, 2012 at 9:06 pm

The people who came up with the Wisconsin state motto?

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

count de money?

PhilippePetain May 2, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Don Juan, both vanilla and De Marco varieties?

gurukalehuru May 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

aotk

CthuNHu May 2, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Eloise's turtle?

Negropolis May 3, 2012 at 2:31 am

Me at a tender, young age? I thought the California raisins were cool as a child; so sue me.

Barb May 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Bathe him and bring him to me!

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Go to my room!

widestanceromance May 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Paramedics are on their way to Benincasa's house now, just as a precaution.

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

She was found splayed out on the couch, fanning herself with an issue of the New Yorker that was handy, and muttering "it's OK, I just got a little dizzy, that's all."

widestanceromance May 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

"You can all go now, and I do mean, NOW."

Arken May 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Is Vanity Fair actually suggesting that the Kenyan Anti-Colonial Marxist Socialist Maoist Secret Muslim was a typical college student and not spending all night in Bill Ayers' basement building suicide belts? Because I, for one, find that very hard to believe.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

"running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing.”

Bullshit, his room smelled like sex and you know it. Okay, brut, raisins and sex. And sandalwood. My imagination is adding a hint of sandalwood.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 12:12 pm

After this, I think the only thing that could make the straight ladies' panties any wetter would be an excerpt describing how young Barack was a skilled and enthusiastic cunning linguist.

Geminisunmars May 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Speak to me, Barry.

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

It's been said that community organizing was the thing that young Barack did second best.

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

What — no cello resting in the corner next to a music stand? No smell of freshly-rising bread dough ready for the oven? No hand-tinted lithograph of his own making on the wall? Poseur. And no, I'm not jealous.

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Yeah I was waiting for details about the hours he puts in volunteering for the latest homeless-kittycat shelter; teaching disadvantaged youth how to string a guitar and score a serenade; and the offbeat Goodwill Hunting-like "wanna chew some caramels" knockoff, per Whittier: "I just brewed a fresh batch of soma, here have a taste.."

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

I guess I'll have to read the whole thing and find out how completely awesome our prez is — in my lushly-appointed abode with its waftings of cat litter deodorizer, dishes that need washing, and a certain vague mustiness while wearing my shirt with the missing button and sipping my Domino pinot grigio (on sale for ten bucks for the 1.5 L bottle). So in many ways our lives are quite the same.

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

(on sale for ten bucks

I'm *still* waiting to discover the six-pack of (no doubt flavorless) beer marked "$6.66" to enjoy with some nicely sautéed Seitan.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

This, of course, is in stark contrast to Mitt Romney's presence mainly consisting of aqua-velva, new currency, and unwashed unholy underwear.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Im smelling a hint of santorum. It was college and he was experimenting.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

As long as its not coffee or booze, I think santorum is acceptable to moroni.

SexySmurf May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Mitt Wit's room smelled of ass, loneliness, Aqua Velva, and eating Jell-o. Mormons love the Jell-o.

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

And flip flops.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I said almost the same thing, but I like yours better (especially desperation….Mittens fucking reeks of it).

SexySmurf May 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

This is the second time I've been beaten to the snark. I'm getting slow (in the good way, am I right ladies?) in my old age.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

whatever ms. 127p. My home is page 2 of wonkette posts where it reeks of espresso, arm-pit, and nachos.

new_pic_for_NEWTer May 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Whatever ms/mr 109p…
I wish I could make it to page 2, I'd love to smell the desperation/ass. Heysuess Christo could announce his 2nd coming on page 3 of the Wonkette comments and nobody would notice.

el_donaldo May 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

But mostly ass.

DaRooster May 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Sorry but this guy is too cool to be our Prez based on some of the dweebs we've been having.

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Oh he's fine for US, Rooster, it's THEM he's way too good for. And they know it.

DaRooster May 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I stand corrected… perhaps THEY should leave.

(I know… DREAMIN' BIG!)

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Brutha be Habana pimpin'

thefrontpage May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"I think it's a great article–very, very sexy!" said Ted Nugent when asked for his thoughts on the article by Far-Right and Gay, a far-right gay magazine based out of the Fox News Building in New York City. "In fact, when I read this article, I wanted very much to have Biblical knowing relations with our president. I've always wanted that."

EtchySketchy May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Blue and white sarong or terrorist lady dress? You decide.

DerrickWildcat May 2, 2012 at 12:21 pm

We're a lot alike!

iburl May 2, 2012 at 12:24 pm

"Brut spray deodorant"
That was my shit in the 80's! I wonder if I'M secretly from Kenya now.

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Marxist!

cobweb2 May 2, 2012 at 7:08 pm

I will create a shrine for the Brut Stick which has served me faithfully for these past three decades, employed only for funerals and the annual Christmas party my wife hosts for my 30+in-laws.

MozakiBlocks May 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Mr. MozakiBlocks is so going to get lucky later…

EtchySketchy May 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

'Eating raisins' sounds so innocent when they leave out the detail of Barack's pet rabbit 'Dr Marx'.

niblick77 May 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Dog meat grillin on the barbie……….

MissTaken May 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Obama is the kind of guy I'd like to eat raisins with.

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

He'd give you a raisin for living.

starfanglednut May 2, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Off what part of him.

ThundercatHo May 2, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Dear Penthouse,
You'll never believe what happened to me today. I had just gotten back from a run and was relaxing in my sarong, doing the NYT crossword puzzle and eating some raisins when this hot, french girl opened my door and . . .

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Don't know how Vanity Fair failed to mention Obama's thug life past:

The way Sohale Siddiqi remembers it, he and his old roommate were walking his pug Charlie on Broadway when a large, scary bum approached them, stomping on the ground near the dog’s head. This was in the 1980s, a time when New York was a fearful place beset by drugs and crime, when the street smart knew that the best way to handle the city’s derelicts was to avoid them entirely. But Siddiqi was angry and he confronted the man, who approached him menacingly. Until his skinny, elite univerity-educated friend – Barack Obama – intervened. He “stepped right in between. … He planted his face firmly in the face of the guy. ‘Hey, hey, hey.’ And the guy backpedaled and we kept walking,” Siddiqi recalls.

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Pakistan? India? That's some old school thuggery right there!

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

The original and still the greatest thuggeery.

Come here a minute May 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

You would have never found any of the components of this mixture of smells in Mitt Romney's college residence — especially "breathing".

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

And that's because you can't find a maid or butler than can breath for you.

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I marvel at our Editrix's ability to type with one hand.

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Grasshopper – it is the sound of one hand fapping.

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I never expected it to be more of a "slish" sound…

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2012 at 1:25 pm

She wears whore shoes so she can type with the heels, Guppy.

Redgyal May 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Sounds like someone isn't over their first crush.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2012 at 1:23 pm

If only Obama were mouth-breathing, the teabaggers might be able to relate to the guy.

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Ann remembered how on Sundays Mitt would lounge around, with the top button on his temple garment unbuttoned drinking an unflavored mixture of electrolytes and WD-40 and reading the Family Circus. His maintenance bay bedroom was closest to the front door, allowing him to quickly engage his weapons systems if the Jehovah's Witnesses ever called.
"I open the door, that Mitt keeps closed, to his maintenance bay, and it opens with a sliding noise like those doors in Star Trek and enter into a closeted, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his robotic nature, his habits, or perhaps a better term would be programming–machine oil, ozone, WD-40 and lube, lots and lots of lube."

starfanglednut May 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I sometimes indulge in a fantasy that hopey reads teh wonkette, and gets an enormous kick out of all the lustful attention directed in toward his presidential self.

BerkeleyBear May 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Either that or we're all on a watch list because of the level of stalker lust.

ttommyunger May 2, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Shit! I'm straight AND older than dirt and I'm chubbing up!

arihaya May 2, 2012 at 9:52 pm

there is an old Asian saying: "It's not the sarong which is important, it's what inside the sarong."

Negropolis May 3, 2012 at 2:39 am

Let me just ask, could this girl be any more dramatic in her writing? I'm so glad I never went the whole emo route. The only thing I've been able to get from the writing is how much it reads like an SNL skit on the perils of pretension, all of this pysch study and not letting the relationship be what it wants to be, but overthinking it the entire time. Barry, it wasn't you; it was her.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I smell a revolution man. well I'm down with page3++ers .

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