THE HORROR  9:25 am May 2, 2012

Master Of Terror Stephen King Rains Buckets Of Blood On Poor Rich Folks

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

"Class" warfareStephen King (“Carrie,” “Cujo” “The Michele Bachmann Story”) is a pretty rich dude, and he has some thoughts on other rich dudes and taxes. He makes a gentle argument, comparing hardly anyone to “old, dead dogshit,” so he cannot be a regular correspondent for Your Wonkette (also, he only quotes the motto of the Church of the Subgenius once). But he can still get an excerpt!

I’ve known rich people, and why not, since I’m one of them? The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes to Uncle Sugar. It’s true that some rich folks put at least some of their tax savings into charitable contributions. My wife and I give away roughly $4 million a year to libraries, local fire departments that need updated lifesaving equipment (Jaws of Life tools are always a popular request), schools, and a scattering of organizations that underwrite the arts. Warren Buffett does the same; so does Bill Gates; so does Steven Spielberg; so do the Koch brothers; so did the late Steve Jobs. All fine as far as it goes, but it doesn’t go far enough.

What charitable 1 percenters can’t do is assume responsibility—America’s national responsibilities: the care of its sick and its poor, the education of its young, the repair of its failing infrastructure, the repayment of its staggering war debts. Charity from the rich can’t fix global warming or lower the price of gasoline by one single red penny. That kind of salvation does not come from Mark Zuckerberg or Steve Ballmer saying, “OK, I’ll write a $2 million bonus check to the IRS.” That annoying responsibility stuff comes from three words that are anathema to the Tea Partiers: United American citizenry.

[...]

The Koch brothers are right-wing creepazoids, but they’re giving right-wing creepazoids. Here’s an example: 68 million fine American dollars to Deerfield Academy. Which is great for Deerfield Academy. But it won’t do squat for cleaning up the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, where food fish are now showing up with black lesions. It won’t pay for stronger regulations to keep BP (or some other bunch of dipshit oil drillers) from doing it again. It won’t repair the levees surrounding New Orleans. It won’t improve education in Mississippi or Alabama. But what the hell—them li’l crackers ain’t never going to go to Deerfield Academy anyway. Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke.

Go on, read more. We’ll be here when you get back. [DailyBeast]

 
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{ 284 comments }

deleted3266239 May 2, 2012 at 9:29 am

Oh man, finding out King is just another right-wing idiot is like finding out the Hardy Boys gang-banged Nancy Drew…

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 9:46 am

What?

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 9:57 am

Yeah, this piece shows king to be the exact opposite of a right-wing idiot; maybe someone just skimmed it, or mixed him up with Steven King (Lunatic-Iowa).

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 10:03 am

I read "What charitable 1 percenters can't do is assume responsibility" and I see a rich asshole. I read the whole thing and frankly, he's still an asshole.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

There's enough to be upset at around us without making it up yourself.

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 10:17 am

Thanks mom!

Folks, I should of just said "Rich Idiot". The right-wing term came from my mis-reading the original blurb.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

I see the problem you had with that. You think he's telling the 1% they *shouldn't* accept responsibility, but he's saying they *won't*

sullivanst May 2, 2012 at 11:13 am

I thought what he's saying is that the rich doling out their charity is not capable of replacing tax-and-spend as a way of meeting the nation's needs: that whatever largesse certain rich individuals may exhibit, we still need to tax the fuckers, because a donation to Deerfield Academy, even a $68 million donation, isn't going to educate a single kid from a family scraping by in South-Central LA, or repair a road that's falling apart in the Bronx or (as King points out himself) the levees in NOLA.

StarsUponThars May 2, 2012 at 10:42 am

Did you build a baseball field for your community? No? Then hush.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

Hey, I put up the local madame when her abode burned down!

Cuz, if you build it, they will cum….

Goonemeritus May 2, 2012 at 10:13 am

This just proves the axiom that you don’t get to be the first commenter by carefully reading the column.

WunkRocker May 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

Let's get back to setting some Koch cocks on fire. When do we do that?

GhostBuggy May 2, 2012 at 10:41 am

Stop fighting! Why are mom and dad always fighting?! <runs off to bedroom>

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 9:47 am

Eh? The point of King's piece, which perhaps does not come across in the excerpts, is that there are things that charity can't do, and that's why we need the government, which rich people like him should pay for. So basically he's a Maoist. Except apparently he owns some radio stations (?), so he's also something like Orson Welles in that movie about Herman Cain, with the sled at the end, except not as fat.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 9:56 am

Audrey Rosebud. Whoops, wrong author.

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

Yeah, I love the part where he blames humans for actually giving a flying fuck about what him or other rich people say and do. He is a rich fuck preaching to poor fucks. Don't care what a shitty writer from the 70's has to say.

If you all want to have the Alpha Ape say some grunts you want to hear than so be it.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 10:32 am

Are you Trolling or, after all the responses, have you actually still not read the original article?

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 10:45 am

Yeah a Troll…Fuck You.

People need to stop caring what powerless rich people say….

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 9:54 am

Weird, I'm not getting that.

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 10:23 am

Just a rich celebrity saying thing people here want to hear. Yawn.

Fare la Volpe May 2, 2012 at 11:16 am

Well fuck. Who douched in your coffee this morning?

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

I'm sure he woke up one morning and said to himself "I'm going to try to pander to the mommy warblog crowd today."

Chow Yun Flat May 2, 2012 at 11:55 am

Right. Wealthy, successful, talented people are always spending their time writing words that Wonkette types will like. It is what made them rich in the first place.

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2012 at 9:56 am

Wait. Is "raining buckets of blood on me" considered a good thing among the rich? Because I can totally see that being the case if it's the blood of the peons.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 10:10 am

Reading is FUNdamental!

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 10:31 am

Next time you should just go with "First!" or someting instead of pretending that you actually read the article. It will be a lot less confusing for everyone.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 10:34 am
Dashboard Buddha May 2, 2012 at 10:34 am

Wait…the Hardy Boys didn't gang bang Nancy Drew?! Oh wait…if it's just two dudes, is it still a "gang bang"? I thought that was just a threesome. I suppose if we got Fenton and Chet involved, it could be considered a gang bang.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 10:42 am

I think you need at least four participants to qualify as a gang bang or orgy.

Dashboard Buddha May 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

Right after I wrote that, I thought I should have done a Rule 34 search first.

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

The Hardy Boys in the Case of the Bukkake Breakfast

kissawookiee May 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

If Dick Van Dyke shows up, it becomes a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

If Dolly Parton shows up, it becomes a Titty Titty Bang Bang.

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 10:42 am

Your reading comprehension sucks dude,and have I got a deal for you, double your money or nothing back!

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 11:45 am

Hahaha…we wonketteers can be big gaping assholes. We're all perfect commenters and none of us ever skim through posts, right?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Um…
yes?

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Yes but most of us will either laugh at our mistakes or delete them instead of getting butthurt and defensive.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 1:27 pm

This. There were at least another half dozen whoopsies that got deleted. And if you can't clean it up, don't double down. This isn't WND.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 3:46 pm

It's easier just to laugh at it and move on, not sure what was up with that guy.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

This?

"I’ve known rich people, and why not, since I’m one of them? The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes"

Is not something a right-winger says, or believes. You're certainly entitled to your own opinion of Stephen King, but try to base your criticisms of him (or anybody) on his actual words.

Goonemeritus May 2, 2012 at 7:01 pm

This is an open letter to OC while many posters didn't see what you saw your long posting record here is valued. I for one am sorry if I offended you, come back and play

Barb May 2, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Goon, I appreciate the way the you stepped up. I told OC in the next thread that I wasn't going to bust on him. He didn't need me to pile on him. I sense that he awoke and posted too early and he messed up.

Today, I messed up the afghan I was knitting, killed one of my new tomato plants and my moon flowers. The chicken I made for dinner was a little dry. The good news is that tomorrow has the promise of a new start.

OC, come back and let's start all over. Shake it off and let's live to snark another day.

Biff May 2, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Boy, did I ever pick the wrong day for a mental health break!

Barb May 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Biff, I hope you enjoyed your mental health break. Great to see ya.

AddHomonym May 2, 2012 at 9:31 am

REDRUM! REDRUM!

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2012 at 9:38 am

SEXAT! SEXAT!

Jus_Wonderin May 2, 2012 at 9:31 am

Wow. Stephen, tell us how you really feel.

DemmeFatale May 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

He doesn't hold back, does he?
How refreshing!
(Does he know about Wonkette?)
Nice to hear a Libtard bringing a gun to a knife fight!

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 11:28 am

I don't think he's a Libtard … he's on one of those wacky Maine residents.

4TheTurnstiles May 2, 2012 at 9:31 am

Randall Flagg, now starring as Joe the Plumber

bureaucrap May 2, 2012 at 9:35 am

Perhaps he could guest-screed for the wonkette. I love the sound and feel of repeated use of the word "dipshit." We could use more of that.

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

Also, the cross-pollination would be good, because the King books I've read don't use "skull fucking" nearly often enough.

prommie May 2, 2012 at 10:00 am

the Dipshit retired to Dallas after Obama was elected.

DemmeFatale May 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

And Dipshit McGoo is on Law and Order once in awhile.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:13 am

Think of the titles of his columns, too! From "Bag of Koch Bones" to "The Shawshank Redumbtion"

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

Oh, let's do this:
Column on "Stand Your Ground laws" = "The Gunning Man"
Column on "Defense Contractor Lobbyists" = "The BombyWonkers"
Column on "Dick Cheney" = "It" (yeah, no change; still just a hideous evil clown)
Column on "Extending Bush Tax Cuts" = "Needless Things"

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:28 am

Column on "Stand Your Ground laws" = "The Gunning Man"

Also, Carry. Too.

Generation[redacted] May 2, 2012 at 10:32 am

Pet Everybody Cemetery.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

The column about Al Gore wouldn't even have to be a pun; he could just call it "The Green Mile".

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Column about Duhbya, sarcastically titled, "Apt Pupil"?
Column about Duhbya, unsarcastcially titled, "Coke Pupils"?

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 11:59 pm

"Koch Pupils"?

StarsUponThars May 2, 2012 at 10:43 am

love his word "shit-weasels" from Dreamcatcher.

prommie May 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

And thus did Rudy Giuliani acquire his new nickname. Come on, is Rudy a shit-weasel or not?

DemmeFatale May 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

Totally.
Rudy and Donald Trump.
Douchebag shit-weasel comrades forever!

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Perfect.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 9:35 am

What I want to know is, are the modern Republicans servants of the Crimson King? Because they certainly seem like they won't be satisfied until they have destroyed the Beams, torn down the Tower and thrown all realities into the Todash darkness.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 9:49 am

Well, George Will kind of resembles Fripp, but I don't think he could Thrak in 7/4 time. Oh wait, wrong Crimson King.

WunkRocker May 2, 2012 at 10:41 am

Will totes kills on the Talking Tin Drum.

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 1:52 pm

<pulling up "Larks' Tongues in Aspic" on the old MP3 machine>

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 11:06 am

Did you get as insanely disappointed in The Dark Tower books as I did when King wrote himself into them? I felt like Annie from Misery when she loses her shit when her favorite character is killed off. It was good that I wasn't taking care of Mr. King and his manuscript in a secluded house at the time.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 11:19 am

Nah, while I didn't care for Song Of Susannah, I still liked the series on the whole, thought the final book was great, and enjoyed King appearing as a character; but then I also loved Grant Morrison's run on Animal Man and enjoy that kind of fourth wall breaking, if it's well handled.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

You handled it much better than I did then. I was even touchy about his working in of current pop culture references as "sneetches" from Harry Potter. I realize he kind of did it from the start, as in The Gunslinger, where people sang "Hey Jude"… But anyway, for me, a big part of the draw was the Other-Worldly Fantasy, and injecting stuff from the pop culture of the Real World really popped that bubble for me. To me, the Gunslinger's world is in a far-future setting, and even the most popular culture phenomena doesn't really last for centuries, typically. I don't think many people are going to know what a Sneetch is in 200 years. But then he wrote INTO THE STORY that the whole world was just a figment of his imagination, so it didn't matter anyway. Why care about a 7 book story that you can't immerse yourself in because the writer writes that the characters come to him to write the story……rambling.
That was my take, FWIW.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 11:48 am

It wasn't that it was a figment of his imagination, but that King was channeling Roland and the Ka-Tet's story, and he needed to finish the books for them to reach the Tower. The pop culture stuff came as a crossover, as items from other universes started popping up in the Tower's world; mostly from King's other works, but also from works he wanted to homage, like Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, Marvel comics and Star Wars.

Personally I liked it; but can see why it didn't sit well with everybody.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:26 pm

"I was even touchy about his working in of current pop culture references as "sneetches" from Harry Potter"

There is (or was) a writer named L. Sprague DeCamp, who wrote the kind of science fiction books that are cheesy fun, and who had a recurring character in some of his books — an incompetent, slightly obnoxious mage named Harold Shea. Some other writer wrote a story that went (I'm paraphrasing here), "Suddenly, there was a big, terrible, fiery explosion, and everybody was killed — including Harold Shea."

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

I was disappointed. Not necessarily from King writing himself in – that could be OK if it was handled well. The last two books were just so half-hearted, "oh yeah, I better finish this off so people will stop bugging me."

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I gotta admit, I was selfishly concerned about his health and motivation to finish the story at times over the last 20 years or so.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Did you get as insanely disappointed in The Dark Tower books as I did when King wrote himself into them?"

What, like M. Night Whatshisface when he still made movies that anybody watched?
You're kidding, right?
although Mother Abigail in "The Stand" was once visited by a door-to-door salesman named Donald King, who (from the description) sounded a bit like Stephen King's ex-father.

Also, do you recommend the Dark Tower books in general, anybody?

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

As you can probably tell from the above, I would, but your mileage may vary. Generally I've found most King fans enjoy the first three or four; but there's a lot of disagreement on the last three books, particularly the metafictional parts.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Yeah, you're right, he's always written parts of himself into his novels, this (Darktower) was just more egregious as he wrote himself in as a character. Notice in The Stand how the survivors congregate in Boulder, CO, one of the only other places King has ever lived, other than Maine. Write what you know, I suppose.

I would definitely recommend them. But I would just start by borrowing the first book, "The Gunslinger", from the library. It's the shortest book and a quick read, probably from back when King had an editor. If you like it, try the next one — which is stylistically different. IMO, Its genre is kind of like "Spaghetti Western meets Post Apocalyptic SciFi Mysticism" (if either of those are even genres that can be mashed together). BTW, if you recommended a book to me using the word "Western", I would not prioritize it in my reading list, but here we are.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Also, on the topic of M. Night Whatshisface, what was up with "Signs"? A race that has mastered interplanetary (intergalactic?) space travel doesn't know that it's allergic to the H2O molecule, and that this blue planet is positively swimming in the stuff?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"Hi, I'm an alien. Although my legs are stong enough to enable me to jump from the ground onto the roof of a three-story house, I cannot kick down a wooden pantry door."

George Spelvin May 2, 2012 at 7:25 pm

It's worse. They do know H20 is bad for them — they avoid bodies of water. That's why M. Night is heading for the lake.

He just got so fond of his damn water glasses he lost track of common sense.

angerbear May 2, 2012 at 9:35 am

It might not be as useful as a progressive tax plan, but I for one would enjoy watching our nation's plutocrats singing "Disco Inferno" with their crotches on fire.

Chill-A-Sketch May 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

I think Steve-o wants a gig at Wonkette.

Eve8Apples May 2, 2012 at 10:49 am

He heard about the big fat paychecks us Wonketeers receive for our snark.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I say we go for it.

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

one single red penny

Some people are saying the Super Rich dip their change in the blood of a virgin to cleanse away the filth…

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2012 at 9:39 am

Is it tough to get blood out of $100 bills?

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

The layers of cocaine residue keeps it from soaking in…

Dr_pangloss May 2, 2012 at 11:18 am

I've heard that too. Some People are saying that the Super Rich Dance to the Moon Goddess and rape baby elephants to gain Immortality.

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:25 am

Wait..

Actual blood libel? In my Wonkett?

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

Hi, Mr. Koch. My name is Annie Wilkes. I'm your number one fan…and I'm going to take very good care of you.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 11:17 am

Oooh!! You'll need two hobbles and queen sized bed since its a two for one.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I'm thinking Annie would be more of a Rick Santorum fan.

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 9:36 am

Demon-possessed 1958 Plymouth Furys are people too, my friend.

Come here a minute May 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

Stephen King also wrote under the pseudonym "Richard Bachman[n]", proving the rumor that he is Michele's other gay husband.

FakaktaSouth May 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

And "Rage" (my fave of the Bachman books) is obvs the text for every NRA student membership pamphlet. Are you MAD? ARE YOU REALLY MAD?

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

Coming soon. Stephen King's new novel, The Koching.

"All Taxes and No Corprat Welfare makes Koch a crazier boy"

But seriously what do you expect from a guy who wrote the original Hunger Games… er, Running Man.

NorthStarSpanx May 2, 2012 at 10:45 am

Running Man is the scorched earth remnants of a free-market Romney presidency run amok.

FakaktaSouth May 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

Now I know where I've seen Mitt's particular brand of body language and comfort level with "average" Americans…he's Gage! I missed getting to see him get hit by that truck though, dammit.

Barb May 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

No snark, I just really love "Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption." I need coffee now.

Terry May 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

Stephen King, you are all kinds of awesome. I'm going to Amazon and buy his latest book as a thank you.

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

I've heard good things about it. Forget the title; it's basically the numbers of some year…?

Grief_Lessons May 2, 2012 at 9:49 am

That's not actually the most recent one. This guy writes a novel every six weeks.

Puffperney May 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

11/22/1963, George Amberson, Jake, ahhhh! I read it and am still trying to get my mind out of the multi-universe, butterfly effects!

mormos May 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

I just remember being 14 and reading Tommy Knockers. It was 500 pages of him talking about some chick's period. I was horrified.

In retrospect, well done mister King.

MrFizzy May 2, 2012 at 9:39 am

Living in a fiction helps when you're a fiction writer. Doubtless he's living on a 12,000-acre gated compound with 20 bodyguards while he's giving away 2% of his income every year.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 10:21 am

Sarcasm?

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Never attribute to sarcasm what can be better explained by piss-poor reading comprehension.

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Yeah, what the hell? Normally I get the impression that all the Wonketteers are fairly well-read. Apparently, I was wrong. People have to stop speed reading or whatever the fuck they're doing–this isn't a page of pictogram IKEA instructions or some BS missive from your HR department.

SoBeach May 2, 2012 at 10:37 am

Pretty sure you're off base.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:47 am

More like 10%, actually. Can't speak to the gated compounds or guards, tho.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I saw a pic of his house in/near Bangor Maine once, and it had a really interesting custom wrought iron fence around it. So that's me speaking to the gated compound, of sorts.

edit: oh, I see I'm not the only one to touch on this fence thing.

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:26 am

If I had his fans, I'd live in a fortress as well.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I think you're more right than you know.
I remember reading somewhere that he eventually had to have one of those big, spiky iron fences built around his house because of some of his more deranged fans were bothering his wife and kids, leaving dead animals in his yard, etc.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Have you read his account of the guy who smashed into him with a van? (I think it's collected in On Writing, but not sure). The guy who hit him was pretty much a character from a Stephen King novel.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I'm from the Bangor area. He does (or at least used to) have a nifty wrought iron fence with bats and what-not along the top. And while he's had issues with weirdos, it is hardly an isolated compound.

Back when I was there, you would just see him around. Getting a hotdog late at night at the 7-11. I delivered pizza to said compound (well, to his son, never seemed to be him). I don't want to say he's just a regular Joe because I don't know him and he's rich and I'd imagine that changes some things. But my impression was always pretty far off from some super rich or strange Howard Hughes-esque situation.

Maybe these days he lives underground in a hermetically sealed bunker but I kinda doubt it.

under_score May 2, 2012 at 9:40 am

"old dead dogshit"— my backyard, more interesting than boring rich people, but a lot less green.

Generation[redacted] May 2, 2012 at 9:49 am

Old dead dogshit is fine. It's the living dogshit that really freaks me the fuck out.

smitallica May 2, 2012 at 9:41 am

And all of this turmoil is over raising the richest people in the country's taxes a lousy 4%.
We have lost our fucking minds.

chicken_thief May 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

But LAFFER CURVE!!!!

George Spelvin May 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm

More like Laffer Curveball.

chascates May 2, 2012 at 9:41 am

Make all tax returns public. List the gross income, taxes paid, and amounts to charity.

lefty74 May 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

The mind of Steven King spooks the shit out of me. Steven King Congressman from Iowa. Ball sack tongue baths for Chuck Grassley.

Dr_pangloss May 2, 2012 at 11:21 am

Congressman Steven King is Iowa's "Mexican Equivelant" of Steven King the author.

UW8316154 May 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

Wow, this makes up for scaring the hell out of me every time I picked up one of his books!

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

Your move, Gregg Stillson/Mitt Romney.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 9:43 am

Michele Bachmann is Carrie's mom.

Cover up your dirtypillows, then discuss amongst yourselves.

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2012 at 9:45 am

No question in part because if Carrie's mom were based on some dingus in Alaska then she would have quit halfway through the story.

PlanetWingNut May 2, 2012 at 9:45 am

i just love you wonkette guys…you make me smile every day *not snark just pure pleasure*

Barb May 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

What about the Wonkette gals?

MosesInvests May 2, 2012 at 10:07 am

Love ya, Barb! (and the rest of you gals, too. Also)

Barb May 2, 2012 at 10:09 am

Love ya back! Thanks!

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 9:45 am

Alright, which one of you fuckers is Stephen King?

(It's mine, and I'm gonna wear it out!)

Naked_Bunny May 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

I think it's Ken Layne.

prommie May 2, 2012 at 10:02 am

Well, if you want to use process of elimination, I will be the first to say its not me.

Geminisunmars May 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

Hmmm. Very suspicious.

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 11:18 am

It ain't me but I do drink like King ..sometimes.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

*checks bank account*
Apparently not I.

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 9:48 am

The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes

Hideous Kingky.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2012 at 10:03 am

That was actually some of the best mental imagery that King has ever created.

DemmeFatale May 2, 2012 at 10:44 am

Now THAT'S the kind of red-meat imagery I love!

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 9:48 am

And of course, the Daily Beast comments are filled with idiots attacking King for wanting the rich to pay their fair share. It includes many variations on this idiocy: "I mean the nerve of people, thinking that they have the right to chose what to do with the fruits of their own labor." Uh, no, moron, rich people's money is the fruits of OTHER PEOPLE'S LABOR, not their own.

freakishlywrong May 2, 2012 at 9:58 am

The rich fuckers didn't amass all that wealth on an island neither no how.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm

No, they just store it on islands. In the Caribbean.

Generation[redacted] May 2, 2012 at 9:59 am

You didn't hear? Mittens worked every single job in those factories he bought, running around at superhuman speed. Nobody else's labor was involved in creating his wealth –especially true after he shut them down.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2012 at 10:02 am

What's shocking to me, still, is that anyone sincerely believes that the rich shouldn't pay the same tax rate, or a marginally higher tax rate, than the bracket right before them. Why? Is there any other country in the world in which the poor work so hard to defend the wealthy?

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:16 am

The Best Korea?

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

Oh, fair enough.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 10:23 am

I am so totally stealing that last question, Annie.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:41 pm

The stupid want to keep the rich people rich, and the rich want to keep the stupid people stupid.

anniegetyerfun May 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

And it's working!

DemmeFatale May 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

I respectfully request that the rich bastards who don't want to pay their fair share boycott the highways, drinking water, museums, safe food, etc….

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Also, everybody who doesn't want to pay into "socialized medicine" should sign a binding agreement that neither they, nor any of their family members, should be treated in any way by publicly funded ambulances or emergency rooms, and wear a non-medic-alert bracelet at all times.

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 2:00 pm

DNR

Allmighty_Manos May 2, 2012 at 9:50 am

It would be awesome if Stephen King caused Edward Conrad to burst into flames – ideally at some Upper East Side coffee shop while the ass was making fun of bohemian types for not making enough money.

Jus_Wonderin May 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

I'd pay to see that (with the caveat of if I could afford the price).

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I was gonna disagree and say that Newt should be on the list ahead of Edward Conrad. Then I thought that with all that tallow, Newt will probably do the spontaneous human combustion thing without any help from Stephen King and his uncanny powers.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 1:36 pm

"It would be awesome if Stephen King caused Edward Conrad to burst into flames"

Before I read the rest of your comment, I thought you meant that sparkly vampire — which would also be somewhat awesome.

Grief_Lessons May 2, 2012 at 9:51 am

Off topic, but you know who would write some great guest-screed for Wonkette? Thomas Pynchon, that's who.

4TheTurnstiles May 2, 2012 at 9:57 am

he used to comment as AngryBlakGuy

Grief_Lessons May 2, 2012 at 10:39 am

AngryBlakGuy always did remind me of Wanda Tinasky

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"Why you trippin?"

Different Wanda?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Thomas Pynchon of the page-long sentences? Good luck having him fit a comment into fewer than three boxes.

Texan_Bulldog May 2, 2012 at 9:53 am

Steven King is a Soshulist!!!1!!!

Dr_pangloss May 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

DUh he's from Maine.

Texan_Bulldog May 2, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Crap! I meant Stephen King.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 9:56 am

I think his books are pulpy crap. But after his album and now this rant I'm starting to like this dude.

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 10:12 am

after his album

What album? Did The Rock Bottom Remainders do a live or studio recording?

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 11:00 am

He did a studio recording. It's a tough find but a friend of mine has it as part of his "music that shouldn't have been made" next to the Shatner Album.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 9:57 am

Especially after those creepy ads he made.

thesuniverse May 2, 2012 at 10:01 am

I've never been prouder that my daughter didn't get accepted to Deerfield Academy.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

Dad, be not proud… ;-)

(or mom, but it works better with Dad)

thesuniverse May 2, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Dad will be not prouder. Eh, that was terrible.

prommie May 2, 2012 at 10:01 am

Taxes, for the rich, the most frightening horror story of all.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:02 am

RICH PERSON'S IDEA OF CHARITY: Donating a wing at your local hospital that specializes in the disease you just happen to have been diagnosed with, like The Pat Buchanan Irish Potato Famine Wing of Georgetown Medical.

not that Dewey May 2, 2012 at 10:08 am

Give me food, or give me slack, or kill me.

doloras May 2, 2012 at 8:01 pm

If you act like a dumbshit, they'll treat you like an equal.

not that Dewey May 2, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Jesus is Bob.
Bob is Our Hope.
Jesus is Bob Hope.

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 2, 2012 at 10:09 am

this was the scariest piece he ever wrote

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 10:10 am

Well the Trashcan Man was crazy and stupid, and inadvertently ended up destroying Randall Flagg's plans to rule the world, or at least America. So – Sarah Palin?

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

Well, that book's ruined forever, since now all I can think of is Trashcan Man screaming "Cibola!" in Sarah Palin's terrible, terrible accent. And with a bit of that hip wiggle.

Oh, god, I need the brain bleach.

muthalovin May 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

SPOOKY! 4.5 stars.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 10:19 am

This guys books were a lot better back when he was wasted all the time.

Lesson: drinking is good!

LocalGirlMakesGoo May 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

Paraphrased – I don't remember the exact quote – but something like "I did so many drugs I don't even remember writing Cujo."

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I think it probably took most people longer to READ Cujo than it took King to WRITE it.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

Thinking about It, between the murdering of children, feeding off fear, causing mass slaughters, and seemingly being immortal, I think Dick Cheney is Pennywise the clown.

We all float down here.

ManchuCandidate May 2, 2012 at 10:26 am

Pennywise's body count was much lower as he didn't invade Iraq under false pretenses.

Dashboard Buddha May 2, 2012 at 10:22 am

I think it would be great if Mr. King wrote for Wonkette. However, other than those of us at our little Algonquin Round Table, who else would read his column?

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:24 am

We're gonna need a bigger table.

(oh wait, that was Benchley…)

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:29 am

You mean all those Facebook likes count for naught?

There goes my self worth…

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Aside from us, who else does anybody need?

el_donaldo May 2, 2012 at 10:23 am

Great stuff, but I think he'd be using his talents more effectively if he were scaring the piss out of the plutocrats about how the people are going to be squatting in their mansions, wearing their clothes, pissing in their pools, and roasting their well-toned haunches over open flames in their great rooms if they don't stop resisting a more equitable tax burden.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 10:37 am

Occupy Castle Rock!

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 11:40 am
Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Particularly fond of these four:

8. Don’t ask yourself if something is fair. Ask someone else—a stranger in the street, for example.

9. People gathering in the streets feeling wronged tend to be loud, as it is difficult to make oneself heard on the other side of an impressive edifice.

10. It is not always the job of people shouting outside impressive buildings to solve problems. It is often the job of the people inside, who have paper, pens, desks, and an impressive view.

11. Historically, a story about people inside impressive buildings ignoring or even taunting people standing outside shouting at them turns out to be a story with an unhappy ending.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 10:24 am

WHAT does everyone have against dogshit?! I think its delightful.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 10:27 am

My dog gave me a gift of a big diarrhea dump on my bathroom carpet at about 345 this morning. You would have loved it!!

el_donaldo May 2, 2012 at 10:41 am

My dog certainly enjoys chewing on some fine, aged dog (or cat or groundhog or etc.) shit.

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 10:44 am

My parent's dog seems to think catshit is the world's greatest snack, and that the litterbox is there to dispense treats.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

I so totally don't get that. I understand why a carnivore would want to roll around in shit, so as not to smell like a predator while hunting… but EATING it? What's the evolutionary justification of that?

Chichikovovich May 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

Maybe the digestive system isn't efficient enough to extract all nutrients the first time through, at least with a typical diet in the wild?

el_donaldo May 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

Seriously, there is a theory that part of the development of the domestic dog from wolves is the selection for companion animals that would eat the poop at human settlements thus making for an easier cleanup. Makes you look at dogs in a new light, doesn't it?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 2:33 pm

I read that it's because carnivore shit is high in protein.

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Ah, coprophagy. We used to tell the dog to stop eating the 'chocolate treats' in the basement. What a fine snack, in her mind.

Geminisunmars May 2, 2012 at 10:58 am

In the winter my dog enjoys the lovely lovely poopsicles he finds outside.

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:32 am

We're talking about Stephen King, not John Waters.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 10:25 am

I think the most depressing part of this article is the fantastic reading comprehension failure of a surprisingly high number of Wonketteers.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 10:36 am

The pig's blood symbolized how the rich were overtaxed (in the seventies) and Carrie burning down the town symbolized King's wish to gut government infrastructure to the point of having non-funtioning vital services. Did I get it right?

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 10:48 am

No shit. Jesus H. Chrst there are some stupid pigfuckers posting here.

Generation[redacted] May 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I have noticed how everyone's pet arguments keep coming back to life and wrecking havoc on the town.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"One" is not exactly a surprisingly high number.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Unless you just happened to be here for the initial flood n' deletes.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 2, 2012 at 10:30 am

"DICK SO INFERNO"

I read this yesterday…so did not need to practice my quick comprehension skillz.

Unfortunately late to the party, on the other hand.
~

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:52 am

I read it yesterday too, and enjoyed it. I kinda picked up that King is an old lefty from a couple of recent books I read of his, so I wasn't exactly surprised.

OneYieldRegular May 2, 2012 at 10:35 am

I hope this means that King is about to enter "The Grapes of Wrath" phase of his literary career.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 10:42 am

In which the Joads are a family of cannibals headed for Wall Street, because they hear there's good eatin' there…

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:50 am

Zombies. Zombies. King doesn't do good dialogue.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 2, 2012 at 11:18 am

Then again, zombies can't drive

OneYieldRegular May 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

I like it.

"Wherever there's a tasty investment banker, I'll be there. Wherever I can get fries as a side to go with my Koch Burger, I'll be there. Wherever there's a flank steak to made out of Mitt Romney, I'll be there."

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Springsteen can write a new Tom Joad song!

Oblios_Cap May 2, 2012 at 10:43 am

The new Steinbeck!

SayItWithWookies May 2, 2012 at 11:15 am

Where he travels the plains and the west, experiencing hard times and getting booted out of one state after another and buries grandma by the side of the road before reaching California, or where he writes a classic epic tale of the American experience? 'Cause as a betting man, I'd say the first is more likely.

Dr_pangloss May 2, 2012 at 11:24 am

I think that would be scarier than any of the horror he's ever written.

chicken_thief May 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

Apparently Stevie dint git the "gubmint never created a jerb" memo…

johnnyzhivago May 2, 2012 at 10:42 am

Sounds like Steven King hates America and especially our troops.

GeneralLerong May 2, 2012 at 10:54 am

Flaming dicks, huh? Imagine what The One Percent would do if the capital gains tax was/were? [having a grammar aneurysism, it appears] raised to 70%.

I'd pay a dollar to watch that, especially if starving lions and armed hobos and colosseums and flamethrowers were involved.

Jus_Wonderin May 2, 2012 at 10:57 am

You just gave me a great idea for a video game. I will send you royalites when it is released.

Eve8Apples May 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

"The majority would rather douse their dicks with lighter fluid, strike a match, and dance around singing “Disco Inferno” than pay one more cent in taxes."

I was going to propose we simply behead the greedy bastards who won't give unto Cesaer, but I kinda like Stephen's idea for the flaming crotch dance too.

Jus_Wonderin May 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

The sad part, is you can only do these once per capita. Where is the replayability?

kissawookiee May 2, 2012 at 10:56 am

I'm starting to feel sorry for dogshit, what with constantly being compared to rich assholes and all.

Jus_Wonderin May 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

"Who will think of the dogshit?!?!"

DaRooster May 2, 2012 at 10:58 am

But what the hell—them li’l crackers ain’t never going to go to Deerfield Academy anyway.

So full of AWESOME!!
I think I like Steven King… still.

SharkSandwich May 2, 2012 at 11:02 am

This passage is much better than anything I found in any of his previous writings:

“I’m rich and I don’t apologize for it.” Nobody wants you to, Mitt. What some of us want—those who aren’t blinded by a lot of bullshit persiflage thrown up to mask the idea that rich folks want to keep their damn money—is for you to acknowledge that you couldn’t have made it in America without America. That you were fortunate enough to be born in a country where upward mobility is possible (a subject upon which Barack Obama can speak with the authority of experience), but where the channels making such upward mobility possible are being increasingly clogged. That it’s not fair to ask the middle class to assume a disproportionate amount of the tax burden. Not fair? It’s un-fucking-American is what it is. I don’t want you to apologize for being rich; I want you to acknowledge that in America, we all should have to pay our fair share. That our civics classes never taught us that being American means that—sorry, kiddies—you’re on your own. That those who have received much must be obligated to pay—not to give, not to “cut a check and shut up,” in Governor Christie’s words, but to pay—in the same proportion. That’s called stepping up and not whining about it. That’s called patriotism, a word the Tea Partiers love to throw around as long as it doesn’t cost their beloved rich folks any money.

ttommyunger May 2, 2012 at 11:03 am

Dog shit libel.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

Dear chick that has the nice legs who sits next to me in English 101,

I like u. I'm thinking we'd make a nice time together. If you want to go out and get a beer with me check this box.

-George W. Bush College Love letter-

SorosBot May 2, 2012 at 11:15 am

I'm guessing you meant this on the next post? Also it's spelled a bit too well for W.

Baconzgood May 2, 2012 at 11:18 am

Oooops. I stand by my mistakes.

Generation[redacted] May 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

You've been misunderestimated!

Chichikovovich May 2, 2012 at 11:21 am

That those who have received much must be obligated to pay—not to give, not to “cut a check and shut up,” in Governor Christie’s words, but to pay—in the same proportion.

Of all the right-wing conversation-stoppers this is simultaneously one of the dumbest and one of the most irritating. "Conversation-stopper" because it's aimed at avoiding the issue rather than addressing it, of course. The typical exchange goes: Speaker: "The rich should pay more in taxes" Wingnut fool: "You're a lazy moocher that wants to take the money from other people to pay for your benefits" Speaker: "No, in fact I would pay much more in taxes, as I should, given my income and resources." Wingnut fool: "Oh, so you think you don't pay enough taxes? Then just send in a check! Haw Haw!"

We should just make taxes voluntary? Everyone pay what they feel is "enough"? I see major downsides to this, but I expect that we won't be invading any countries with the new 10,000 member armed forces sporting used Kalashnikovs.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Part 1:

"We should just make taxes voluntary? Everyone pay what they feel is "enough"?"

This is something that has always annoyed the hell out of me about those drop boxes you see sometimes, "GlobalMegaCorp is holding a drive for school supplies for the local schools", or whatever, "buy school supplies and drop them in the box".
OK, first of all, if GlobalMegaCorp were paying their fair share of taxes — hell, if they were paying as much in taxes as *I* pay! — the schools would be a lot less broke. Second of all, if *I'm* buying, paying for, and donating supplies, how is GlobalMegaCorp "holding a drive"? What, exactly, is their contribution? Putting a cardboard box in a hallway?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Part 2:

*sigh*
Look, I'm not against charity. I've always donated money, canned goods, etc. to charity. I still do, even at my drastically reduced income level. But it annoys the holy hell out of me when the corporations that have spent the last thirty years impoverishing the rest of us try to guilt trip everyone into fixing a problem that *they* created, and expecting a pat on the back because they threw a few crumbs from the table.

also, how about we put Thomas Pynchon in charge of determining comment length?

lowaltflier May 2, 2012 at 11:39 am

Now that is my 2nd favorite King writting. 1st and always is The Stand.

Nostrildamus May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

You know who else doused his dick in lighter fluid, struck a match and danced around singing "Disco Inferno"?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Disco Stu?

Nostrildamus May 2, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I was picturing Barry Gibb.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Johnny Knoxville?

George Spelvin May 2, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Too easy.

horsedreamer_1 May 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Mike Veeck?

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Sorry, not entirely prepared to agree with you there. The Trashcan Man may have started out as a whitetrash loser, but he eventually morphed into an honest to god scary psycho, and Randall Flagg was basically a bullshit artist and poser — so yeah, Joe the Plumber.

Nostrildamus May 2, 2012 at 12:20 pm

"[Koch money] won’t pay for stronger regulations to keep BP (or some other bunch of dipshit oil drillers) from doing it again."

True, but it will pay for weaker ones.

Serolf_Divad May 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Needs moar "fucketty, fuck, fuck, fuck…"

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Psycho Chicken? Qu'est-ce que c'est?

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I think we supply that. Daily.

Wile E. Quixote May 2, 2012 at 1:33 pm

When reached for comment about Mr. King's article Mitt Romney replied, "Ann drives a couple of demon-possessed 1958 Plymouth Furies actually."

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 8:47 pm

"They're hell on the car elevator."

HELisforHEL May 2, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Well, that just made my day.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Can we give Stephen King an upfist solely for the term "pluted bloatocrats"?

ElPinche May 2, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Yeah, I'm thinking King might be among us.

StanleyPain2 May 2, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I'm confused as to why so many people are saying "King is a right wing shill" when he spends the entire article arguing that taxes should be higher and that the Republican party is full of idiots. Methinks people aren't reading the article but rather just some summary somewhere and misunderstanding the entire thing. This article is, in no way shape or form, defending the right.

horsedreamer_1 May 2, 2012 at 8:40 pm

It's a shame Stephen's equally cogent cousin got in bed with proto-bagged Jesse Ventura. Angus King could have pretty well bridged the divide between the Left/Naderites & DLC/Clintonites sans taint of L' Corps.

fuflans May 2, 2012 at 10:46 pm

this is really really boring.

but i'm 12 hours late and slightly tipsy so it's going to take johnny depp or jon stewart to amuse me.

actor212 May 2, 2012 at 10:38 am

A column on Larry Craig = The Stance

SharkSandwich May 2, 2012 at 11:05 am

You need to read the piece before commenting. If you want to be first, just write "first."

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 11:37 am

Oh, you edited it to add a fuck you?

Well why don't you eat my ass you slack-jawed mongoloid? I'd tell you to head on over to http://www.literacyvolunteers.org to see if you can find a tutor but, in a cruel twist of fate, the site contains :words:

JerkCade May 2, 2012 at 11:16 am

column on banking abuses: Miser-y

rebuttal to Ann Coulter: Skeleton Blew

Guppy May 2, 2012 at 11:20 am

Because that's how they do foreplay.

HistoriCat May 2, 2012 at 11:26 am

It's all about the makeup sex.

Oh sorry – I guess you didn't want to hear that.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

It is obvious to me that everyone here theorizing why dogs eat poop haven't TRIED EATING POOP! Don't knock it till you try it, people!

Mumbletypeg May 2, 2012 at 11:54 am

But, this is not what is done here anymore. Not since intensedebate started aligning rank with fist-popularizing p-scores, and everyone's shortened or challenged attention spans (mine included) tend to ensure earlier commenters score more thumb's as interest wanes after some couple dozen or so inputs. I think there's some improvement Intensedebate brought to the structure yet it changed the dynamic from how it used to be, arguably. I don't agree w/ OC Cerf but glad it's generating some talk. [/snark-shorted]

SharkSandwich May 2, 2012 at 12:13 pm

What do you win if you get the most p-points?

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I get that about King needing to finish the stories to get the Ka-Tet to the tower, and I get what you're saying about it not being a problem for the story for you. I read all the books at least twice (favorites being the 1st and 3rd and final). I just felt like the wizard had pulled back the curtain, and I was much happier being immersed in a story that didn't call so much attention to the author.

Preferred Customer May 2, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Disco Inferno on vinyl and a can of lighter fluid.

tessiee May 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Second prize is *two* copies of Disco Inferno.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Ah yes, L. Sprague DeCamp, he was in charge of the Conan canon back in the '60s and '70s and Conan-ized a bunch of leftover Robert E. Howard stories.

George Spelvin May 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Well, it would make sense for Harold Shea to be in somebody else's book, no? It's where he spent most of his time.

OC_Surf_Serf May 2, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Called me a Troll. That was an unnecessary blow.

You deserved the reply. Cherish all your little thumbs up.

Folks: I mis-read something, and all of you acted like children. When I pointed out I misread it but still think King is an asshole you all acted like more children but even more so.

I think I will just go back to teaching Grad student Physics.

Goodbye Wonkette.

BornInATrailer May 2, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Must be hard to write on the blackboard while nailed to that cross.

Chet Kincaid May 2, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Cleanup in Thread One — Self-Deporting Tittybaby! (Oh, I know you're sneaking back here to see if we're really sorry.)

horsedreamer_1 May 2, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Gold star.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… poop isn't good tasting.

Designer_Rants May 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm

That sounds reasonable. I'm glad that in most locales, I'm at the top of the food chain in a wealthy nation so I don't have to eat more than the USDA Recommended Daily Limit of Shit.

Biff May 2, 2012 at 11:35 pm

I'm just overwhelmed by the sheer volume of posts; can't possibly keep up, so I went away for the day. Must “post” trauma, or summat…

Barb May 2, 2012 at 11:49 pm

You should do what I do and just read the good ones, lol.

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