Liveblogging Obama's 'Bin Laden Still Dead' Afghanistan Victory Lap

Hey peeps! How was your May Day? Are you in jail right now? Good for you! Are you still trying to get out of Union Square? How's that going? Slow, huh? Well, wish you were here on the couch, drinking tasty Fat Tires and waiting for Bammerz to come on the teevee and ... announce he killed Bin Laden all over again? He is such an overachiever! Well, we're gonna just chill here till Barry comes on. Quick, get a beverage (or slow get a beverage, he is always. so. late.), and chill with us! We'll be here!

7: 31 -- No flight suit? :(

7: 33 -- Happy Christmas, war is over? Hmmmm, Yoko Ono?

7: 34 -- Nope.

7: 35 -- Blah blah blah troop numbers. In Chicago, we will steal ur lections! Good luck, Ghanistan! Peace, out!

7: 37 -- Bammerz will let the Taliban hang out if they will chill and be cool, man. We can feh about it, but that's sort of how they did South Africa, right? The "We're sorry" commissions? (That presumes the Taliban will act sorry.)

7: 40 -- NEEDS MOAR DEAD LADEN.

7: 41 -- Ooooh, sexy domestic spending talk! Yes, tell us more about spending money on schools! HARDER!

7: 42 -- NO DEAD LADEN! Oh man, the Committee to Reelect has really been scared off by all those crabby Seals, haven't they? (The kind who bitched in that DailyMail article, not the kind that ate Buster's hand.) WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM SPIKING THE DEAD BUZKASHI GOAT HEAD? (Copyright: some dude on Twitterz.)

7: 46 -- Shortest Liveblog EVAR. Go back to your gin, homepersons. Peace out?