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Your head on zero gravity

Space commander Newt Gingrich has issued a special sad secret video communique from space with terrifying news from the future: “I want to take this opportunity to give you an insider advance notice that…” — WHAT IS IT, WE HATE SUSPENSE — “…on Wednesday, I’ll be officially suspending the campaign.” Oh no, that is terrible. We were praying for “massive comets are hurtling toward Earth,” to avoid the rest of the general election season. But commander, some have noticed that the flag displayed in your message as seen in the screen grab above is on the wrong side, according to Title 36 of the United States Code that specifies that flags hanging from a staff must be on the “speaker’s right as he faces the audience.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Let’s check the video, or alternately wait for us to tell you what you need to know immediately after the embed:

It means that Newt Gingrich hates America so much that even after dropping out, he says, “I want you to know that we’re going to continue out there on the road — both Callista and I will be talking, campaigning, making speeches.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. It is worse than you ever feared. [Al Kamen]

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