GOT ME ON MY KNEES AYLA  2:20 pm May 1, 2012

Daughter Of Regular-Guy-With-Six-Houses Scott Brown Totally Loving Her Obamacare

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

sweet ayla brownRegular Joe/guy with six houses/US Senator from the great state of TAXACHUSETTS Scott Brown would like to run Obamacare over with his famous pickup truck! Massachusetts already HAS health care, after all, thanks to Obamacare godfather MittRomneyCare, so why should they have to kick in for the tabs of all those other stupid states? (You know: like blue states always kick in for the welfare of Alabammy and Alaska, even though Alaska is already socialist.) But maybe until Scott Brown has killed Bammerzcares dead his hot rock star daughter could take advantage of staying on her parents’ insurance until she turns 26? Sure, why the hell not!

Hey Scott Brown, so you plan to keep Ayla on your ‘surance till she’s 26, right?

“Of course I do,’’ the Massachusetts Republican told the Globe.

Brown is insuring his daughter Ayla, a professional singer who is 23 years old, under a widely popular provision of the law requiring that family plans cover children up to age 26.

Brown said the extended use of his congressional coverage is not inconsistent with his criticism of the federal law, enacted over his objection after he won a special election in 2010, because the same coverage could be required by individual states.

Sure, sure, that is an excellent distinction, extremely excellent, well-done! Until then, let’s all read this Harvard snob’s paper (again) about how George Washington actually signed laws mandating that seamen (heh) buy health insurance!

The founding fathers, it turns out, passed several mandates of their own. In 1790, the very first Congress—which incidentally included 20 framers—passed a law that included a mandate: namely, a requirement that ship owners buy medical insurance for their seamen. This law was then signed by another framer: President George Washington. That’s right, the father of our country had no difficulty imposing a health insurance mandate.

Good readin’! Now when Antonin Scalia tells us what the Framers wanted, and that is for us not to mandate that seamen (heh) buy health insurance, we can kill ourselves even harder.

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


CZL May 1, 2012 at 2:25 pm


AlterNewt May 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Mr. Brown, you've got a lovely daughter.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Is she the one photographed wearing the Ariel-style seashell bra?

rickmaci May 1, 2012 at 2:46 pm


Pervert. LOL

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Wham. Bamm. Thank you, Clam.

I think she's a clam size or two larger now.

tessiee May 1, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 4:57 pm


Well played! FTW!

ttommyunger May 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I'd hit that. I'd punch her old man, too; just for drill.

Terry May 1, 2012 at 2:43 pm

If you "hit that", you'd drive a knife right through his heart. The punch would be overkill.

ttommyunger May 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Overkill is much superior to underkill.

Nostrildamus May 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Call me cynical, but I have faith that Nino will, somehow, come up with an "originalist" interpretation to match his preconceived political opinion.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Piece of cake: Obviously, they left it out of the Constitution on purpose.

hagajim May 1, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Holy seamen Batman….the father of our country was a secret soshulust!

bikerlaureate May 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Homeopathy coverage "could be required by individual states" too. Or free shark cartilage for everybody…

tessiee May 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Is Sharkey willing to go along with that?

bikerlaureate May 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

No offense intended to my p-superiors…

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yes, but there are other, secret provisions in the 2,700 page bill that no one could possibly read, which will take away all our freedums unless we act now and allow Scott Brown to save us from the democratic process.

edgydrifter May 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Shorter Brown: "I already got mine, so I see no need for you to get yours."

Mumbletypeg May 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

He's missing the obvious corollary to this assertion: the cure for what Ayla's ya should be a cure avayl-yable to others, too.

GOPCrusher May 1, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Kind of like Michele Bachmann complaining about government indoctrination then her son joins AmeriCorps, or complains about government spending while cashing her sweet, sweet, subsidies checks.

CapnFatback May 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Laws mandating that seamen buy health insurance? That certainly took spunk.

chicken_thief May 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

After passing the law, the Senate took the rest of the day off because they'd pretty much shot their wad.

Lascauxcaveman May 1, 2012 at 2:46 pm

And 'twas only the precursor of insurance mandates yet to come.

Come here a minute May 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm

The framers didn't really want to do it; they just had a little problem controlling their premature legislation.

LettucePrey May 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Somehow I blame Ryan Seacrest for all of this. I haven't figured out how yet, but trust me.

prommie May 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I blame him for everything. Him and Kim Kardashian.

Negropolis May 2, 2012 at 1:44 am

You do know that Ryan is to blame for the Kardashians, right?

MissTaken May 1, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Ayla Brown and Seaman are today's Peanut Butter and Chocolate.

SorosBot May 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Better than being today's Captain and Tenille.

GunToting[Redacted] May 2, 2012 at 10:08 am

The Captain and Tenille live here in my town (outskirts, actually). My buddy did some door work on their house. Said they were nice.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I wonder how the 99.9% of "professional singers" who aren't zilionaire celebrities got insured, before Obamacare.

Maman May 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Oh, I get it. He can get insurance for his daughter, but mine will be told to fuck off and get a real job. You know. Equality

chicken_thief May 1, 2012 at 2:38 pm

For the dignity!!!!

HistoriCat May 1, 2012 at 2:55 pm

It's your daughter's fault for not finding better parents.

Maman May 2, 2012 at 11:07 am


Blueb4sunrise May 1, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Wha happen to SS pr0n?

ManchuCandidate May 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Freedum's just another word for "Fuck you proles."
Tax cuts ain't free

weejee May 1, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Looks like poop. Smells like poop. Poop is Brown, yes it is.

prommie May 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Mayor Koch, the good Koch, famously said "If its yellow, let it mellow, if its brown, flush it down."

Baconzgood May 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

"professional singer"


horsedreamer_1 May 1, 2012 at 10:06 pm

A slut, just like Carey Mulligan in that movie with Michael Fassbender's dong.

OneDollarJuana May 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

So, using his logic, even though murdering an innocent kid brandishing Skittles is a federal crime, some states consider it legal, so I can do it too, right?

chicken_thief May 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Only if brown, not Brown.

SorosBot May 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

"the same coverage could be required by individual states."

Yeah, it could. But then again it might not. I think history like segregation and Jim Crow laws, or the current stick-a-camera-upyour-vagina laws, show that leaving important rules to the states is a monumentally stupid idea.

bikerlaureate May 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm

The record number of mixed-race marriages now would seem to support your position.

Apparently the notion of "state's rights" contains the implicit assumption that their elected leaders aren't bigoted ignoramuses.

MissTaken May 1, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Please clarify: Was Ayla wearing the coconut bra or the single one Scott tried to marry off during his victory speech?

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm


[Please see the above.]

PS: She's got nice coconuts – in a clamshell bra.

Oblios_Cap May 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

All for me, none for thee. Sounds Republican.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

In the post-Civil War 19th century, service on US saltwater merchant vessels became so harsh and brutal Captains were reduced to buying sailors from crimps.

The sailors would drink at a boarding house on credit, be drugged or assulted, and wake up shipboard owing their first three months' pay to the Master. This was known as "working off the dead horse."

San Francisco was particularly notorious for the practice. Read "Mutiny on the Elsinore" by Jack London.

Negropolis May 2, 2012 at 1:46 am

Remember when the Brits were impressing our soldiers totally helping start the War of 1812?

Tundra Grifter May 2, 2012 at 9:56 am

"Remember?" How old do you think I am?

OneYieldRegular May 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Mandate (heh).

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Not if you work on the (r)Money campaign!

starfanglednut May 1, 2012 at 8:16 pm

And Seamen, also too. Heh heh heh.

KennyFuckingPowers May 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Another woman looking for the free groin ecology exam. I am not trained in the science but I will fuckin' take a look.

Sassomatic May 1, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Oh you have historical facts that completely disprove our argument? That's okay, we'll just deny they exist.

prommie May 1, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Or else deploy the semantic distinction.

Barb May 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Scott Brown's daughter was paid $9500 to sing at campaign events. Enough said.

OneDollarJuana May 1, 2012 at 3:08 pm

How many attendees took back their donations after the performance?

horsedreamer_1 May 1, 2012 at 10:08 pm

The Palin is strong in Scott.

That said, a Wilson Phillips style project with Ayla Brown, Megz Mc Cabe, & Barbara Bush (granddaughter) would be easy to masturbate to.

johnnyzhivago May 1, 2012 at 2:43 pm

There were 20 framers in the first Congress???

I'm surprised so many guys were from the construction business.

johnnyzhivago May 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Republicans now willing to concede and roll back Obamacare in its entirety, with the exception of sailors under 26 years of age.

littlebigdaddy May 1, 2012 at 2:46 pm

I wonder if Bristol gets her b.c. pills and herpes treatment paid for by mama grizz's insurance?

vodkamuppet May 1, 2012 at 2:51 pm

No, they go to Canada for that.

OneDollarJuana May 1, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Or they buy them with their oil checks. Remember, the one reasonable thing that Mama Grizzly did was make sure that AK is a socialist state, at least as far as making the oil industry share the wealth with AK'ans.

horsedreamer_1 May 1, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Todd is 1/16 Inupiaq, so the Palin brood gets socialist Injun medicine.

littlebigdaddy May 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

The Sedna healthcare network?

DerrickWildcat May 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Here is another fun world wide web internet site

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

So…., George Washington was a Socialist Commie? Did he take money from George Soros?

Does this all mean that Glenn Beck was right?

Toomush_Infer May 1, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Seman be damned! – where does she get her birth control?….

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 7:02 pm


Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 2:57 pm

That snobby Harvard article left out the most important part.

Were the seamen forced to purchase broccoli?

emmelemm May 1, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Did they have to buy their own limes?

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 7:00 pm

After Capt. Cook, in the British navy limes and sauerkraut were free, as was beer with meals (the water was pretty foul). The daily rum ration was such high proof the modern equivalent would be about a fifth a day.

Many British sailors had severe mental problems from running full speed 'tween decks and slamming their foreheads against the low beams while drunk.

Merchant seamen didn't generally have the same problems with scurvey (particularly in the late 19th century) because the voyages were much shorter.

George Spelvin May 1, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Broccoli was not invented yet.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because chickens hadn't yet been invented.

barto May 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Quick Scott, move to one of your homes in Californey, then she can stary on till she's 27! Cool, eh?

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Scott Brown, you're a sissy. If you don't subject your daughters to uninsured sickness and death, how will the strongest set of genes survive? I say you go out and buy them matching motorcycles, threshers and sets of lawn darts right away, before it's too late.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

JARTS libel! We had a set of those – what a terrible idea!

PubOption May 1, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Brown sounds like the rest of the teabaggers: against 'Obamacare' but in favor of its content.

BarackMyWorld May 1, 2012 at 3:56 pm

You're not stopping to consider their opposition to all the content of Obamacare that doesn't actually exist. Its not enough anymore just to propose policy people want, you also have to not have people imagine policy they don't like.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

They didn't "imagine" it – those lies were created to gin up opposition.

When people actually understand Health Care Reform they support the individual provisions. Who wouldn't?

PubOption May 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm

And the Tundra Grifter should be an expert on lies about healthcare.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm

“The trouble with lying is that the field is over run with amateurs.”

~ Mark Twain

BarackMyWorld May 1, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Lies come from the imagination, before being fed to the masses.

Allmighty_Manos May 1, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Republican hypocrisy? GTF outta here!

littlebigdaddy May 1, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Forty-seven ginger-headed sailors!

BarackMyWorld May 1, 2012 at 3:53 pm

But he drives a truck! That should negate all his terrible policy positions.

PubOption May 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm


It had to be said.

horsedreamer_1 May 1, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Ayla, I suggest you do what your father didn't — get a job, woman. Your revolution is over! The bums lost! The bums will always lose.

gullywompr May 1, 2012 at 10:54 pm

This is our concern, Dude.

BaldarTFlagass May 2, 2012 at 8:08 am

You don't go out and make a living dressed in those clamshells in the middle of a weekday.

horsedreamer_1 May 2, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Boston has a Scores, doesn't it?

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: