WINE ME DINE ME ...  1:20 pm May 1, 2012

Allen West: How Dare Obama ‘Laugh’ And ‘Dine’ At Dinner Where Allen West Laughed And Dined

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Congressman, The Hague would like a word.Oh, Florida Congressman/war criminal Allen West, what would our days and nights be without you saying crazy shit and committing war crimes? QUICK, WATCH OUT, a TERRORIST! Haha, made you look. But whyfore are you mad NOW, Mister Congressman? Let us visit MyFace, the thinking man and woman’s repository for the greatest in political word vomit, and find out!

On Saturday night I was honored to be invited to the White House Correspondents Association dinner. There was much glam, glamour, and humor flowing. However, as I walked from the Washington Hilton in the rain to catch the METRO back to the Batcave, I pondered life outside that ballroom and the pomp. While the President laughs and dines, our Constitutional Republic is eroding and my countrymen are suffering. In this election year, it is sad to think that some of those who were sitting in that ballroom Saturday night laughing and living it up, are helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception of our country.

What about you, Allen West? Did you also laugh and dine, or did you have your petit filet and eat it too?

We are sure Congressman West did not in fact laugh, as his face was frozen into a permanent scowl sometime in the Carter Administration. But did he dine? On:

Salad: Black Lentil Terrine with lump Crabmeat, Tango Green and Red Artisan Greens, Red and Yellow Tear Drop Tomatoes — drizzled with a Dill Vinaigrette

Bread Presentation: Seven-Grain Rolls, White and Wheat Rolls; Sourdough Rolls, Flatbreads and butter

Entrée: Texas Rubbed Petite Filet with a Calvados Demi, paired with Duo of Jumbo Shrimp seasoned with Red Curry; Roasted Haricot Verts, Baby Pepper, Patty Pan Squash; Tasso Mache Choux Risotto

Dessert: The Galaxy — Rich Chocolate Truffle Mousse layered with Chocolate Genoise and Almond Macaroon, Ganache Truffle Center finished in a chocolate glaze, garnished with fresh raspberries

Freshly brewed regular and decaff coffee; variety of regular and herbal teas

Wines: Estancia Chardonnay and Cabernet Sauvignon

Fuck that noise! “Haricot verts”? “Black lentil terrine”? That is Whole Foods Hippie Socialist Vegan Volvo Nonsense, and Allen West is a real American, the dead-eyed kind. Instead, he just pulled an alligator MRE from his suit pocket and consumed it in mirthless anger, as that is just how Allen West rolls.

(Also, The Hill points out that Jimmy Kimmel zinged West, so that is probably why he is butt-hurt, besides all the other reasons he is butt-hurt forever. We do not know, as we did not watch Jimmy Kimmel, because he is not Barack Obama duh.) [Facebook, via TheHill]

 

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{ 123 comments }

nounverb911 May 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Allen, how's that search for commies in the House going?

Doktor StrangeZoom May 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Mr. West's declaration prompted the Chicago Tribune to run an obituary for Facts (360 B.C.-A.D. 2012). Facts had a good run, but the fatal blow dealt by West was insurmountable. Survivors include "two brothers, Rumor and Innuendo, and a sister, Emphatic Assertion" (NPR's coverage of the death of Facts also mentioned another close relative, Truthiness).

ifthethunderdontgetya May 1, 2012 at 2:00 pm

The Tribune Corp. can look in the mirror when they ponder the death of Poor Mr. and Mrs. Facts.

There they will see the Doughy Pantload* staring back at them.

* L.A. Times fired Robert Scheer and hired Jonah Goldberg after the Trib. bought it.
~

Callyson May 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

And the LAT expects people to pay to get past the firewall. Yeah, fuck that…

iburl May 1, 2012 at 1:58 pm

No commies, but he found pommes frites.

whiterabid May 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I don't know about the commies, but I am sure there are at least two fruit cakes in Congress, and their initials are A.W. and M.B.

HistoriCat May 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Louis Gohmert is sad – and suspects you may be an anchor baby terrorist.

Barb May 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm

"Sourdough Rolls"
Sounds like a shirtless Newt.

yrbmegr May 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

"Texas rubbed" filet. Fires the imagination, it does.

nounverb911 May 1, 2012 at 1:23 pm

West should be happy that Barry didn't send Seal Team Six after him.

Jus_Wonderin May 1, 2012 at 1:23 pm

This dude is not very self aware. Damn. Can he even fog a mirror?

bumfug May 1, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Yeah, ya fuckin' commie! You don't see republican's winin' and dinin' while people suffer! Why I oughta…

metamarcisf May 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm

If he doesn't end us as the VP nominee, West has a standing offer to become chairman of Nabisco's Oreo Cookie Division.

Jus_Wonderin May 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm

They make crackers too, don't they?

nounverb911 May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Wouldn't West need to move to Georgia then?

Poindexter718 May 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm

He's just lashing out now b/c he didn't hook up at the party.

Gratuitous World May 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Did they show the movie of GWB searching fruitlessly for West's self-awareness?

HippieEsq May 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Ha! West did leave early, so maybe he went searching for it himself.

SorosBot May 1, 2012 at 1:26 pm

"While the President laughs and dines, our Constitutional Republic is eroding and my countrymen are suffering."

No, that's what happened from 2001 to 2008; the Constitution is no longer being shredded now, remember?

pdiddycornchips May 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

The only possible solution to this eroding and suffering is more tax cuts for rich people.
And porn caused Planned Parenthood too, also.

CrunchyKnee May 1, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Now watch this drive!

JustPixelz May 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

"…back to the Batcave…"

One of the biggest problems America faces is politicians who think they are living in a comic book. West as Batman. Michele Bachmann as Lucy. John Boehner as BonerMan.

Guppy May 1, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Which one is living out Family Circus?

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Frothy?

Wile E. Quixote May 1, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Lindsey Graham will have you know that she just fabulous in her Wonder Woman costume and can't wait to tie up Allen WestBatman with her magic lasso and make him tell the truth.

Guppy May 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Do you like me?
__yes
__no

Jus_Wonderin May 1, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I am pretty sure that politics is beginning to disgust me…just a bit.

SayItWithWookies May 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

He sure does know how to bite the hand that hasn't sent him to Leavenworth yet.

lefty74 May 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I think this stupid bastard has not figured out how he got to DC. He is certainly showing us that he knows how to punch his ticket outa there. Keep fucking talking dickhead.

MissTaken May 1, 2012 at 1:29 pm

as I walked from the Washington Hilton in the rain to catch the METRO back to the Batcave

Allen, being Batshit does not make one Batman.

NewYorkJew May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Maybe Allen West forgot that his name isn't ADAM?

SorosBot May 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm

But um, wouldn't that joke work better if he didn't almost share the name with the by far worst screen Batman there ever was?

MissTaken May 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Bam!

POW!

Mumbly_Joe May 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

LEAVE GEORGE CLOONEY ALONE!

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Words of wisdom!

Wile E. Quixote May 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

No, but having a Bat-costume with a pair of nipples on it like George Clooney's in Batman and Robin does. So there.

Blueb4sunrise May 1, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Black Lentils are intimidating voters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radiotherapy May 1, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Humorless sociopath is humorless.

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 1:56 pm

But humorous.

SheriffRoscoe May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Let's all just laugh and dine, ok? We can feel guilty about it later. That's how Roscoe rolls.

Poindexter718 May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The last time Urkel had an idea this big, he got to go up in teh space shuttle!

Maman May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The Batcave? Should we be allowing the certifiably insane to hold office? I guess this explains his delusions of persecution.

NewYorkJew May 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I guess when you get to eat "The Galaxy" for dessert …

widestanceromance May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

If I had seen him walking in the rain (feeling like a woman, looking like a man), I would have wondered why Grace Jones had just let herself run to fat.

new_pic_for_NEWTer May 1, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Grace Jones libel…
…and she will still kick the crap out of you at age 63.

widestanceromance May 1, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I lurve that woman enough to have waited for 2+ hours for her to finally appear on stage once (anyone remember Trax(x?)) only to have her show up and grunt through maybe 2 songs. I think using her name to trash West just this once makes us even and I'll be screaming this as the crap is being beaten out of me.

Schmannnity May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

The Metro back to your Batcave? Riddle me this Batman: Where's your Batmobile you subway riding elitest?

KennyFuckingPowers May 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Whenever somebody crowds the plate like this asshole, I throw at them. I aim for their goddam eyeball. They can train for a job as telescope operator we they fuckin' recover.

new_pic_for_NEWTer May 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Could not agree more – a little chin music to jelly up their knees a bit, but this guy, throw behind his head so he leans right back into it…

johnnyzhivago May 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

You know what makes me ABSOLUTELY FUCKING FURIOUS???? Assholes who write snarky comments on websites like this one. I mean, are you people even aware of the real problems this world faces – or do you just make jokes out of everything.

Blueb4sunrise May 1, 2012 at 1:41 pm

see, can't make jokes out of everything.

Blueb4sunrise May 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

my deleted comment was deleted.

SheriffRoscoe May 1, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I bet I can guess what it said.

Blueb4sunrise May 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Yes?????????????????

Steverino247 May 1, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Two Wonkette posters walk into a bar. "Hey, who put this fucking bar here?"

Mumbletypeg May 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Too self-aware; not self-aware enough. You can't explain it.

HistoriCat May 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Seems everything is funny to you Wonkette.

hunnybee May 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

yeah. we make jokes out of everything cause we simple minded. we can't help ourselves.

smrtmnky May 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Allen West's Unhappy Meals

Hedley_Lamarr May 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Damn, that ROTC kid has more medals than Hermann Goering.
Ironically, he is standing next to him.

Steverino247 May 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You have to wonder just how many medals you can get in ROTC? Any vets in the area would be pointing and laughing their asses off.

Hedley_Lamarr May 1, 2012 at 1:54 pm

They get stuff for showing up, tying their shoes correctly, making food by themselves and not forgetting to wipe. All of which they forget when they become active duty officers. We made merciless fun of those little pricks when I was on active duty.

Steverino247 May 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Ditto!

(Closes eyes, expecting to hear "DItto?! You provincial putz!")

Chill-A-Sketch May 1, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Allen, next time you are welcome to watch it from home while you dine Ramen Noodles. Until then, STFU.

NorthStarSpanx May 1, 2012 at 1:35 pm

February 2009: At the Alfred E. Smith memorial dinner, President George W. Bush Bush gazed around the diamond-studded $800-a-plate crowd and commented on the wealth on display.

"This is an impressive crowd – the haves and the have-mores," quipped the GOP standard-bearer. "Some people call you the elites; I call you my base."

Somewhere in the world West was insufferable and dodging friendly fire.

Chichikovovich May 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm

At that point West had already been sent home, on account of that whole "violating articles 128 (assault) and 134 (general article) of the Uniform Code of Military Justice" thing.

prommie May 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

It was just like when Homer wiped his face and blew his nose on the Stonecutters sacred Charter.

johnnyzhivago May 1, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Who the hell does Obama think he is attending this White House Correspondents Dinner anyway??? The President or something???

Goonemeritus May 1, 2012 at 1:37 pm

“In this election year, it is sad to think that some of those who were sitting in that ballroom Saturday night laughing and living it up, are helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception of our country.”

As a Tea-Party” Conservative I’m sure he was in a good position to recognize his fellow caucus members. I have even heard it said that there are at least 62 card carrying members of Nazi party in the house.

SheriffRoscoe May 1, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Also, I've never been to a dinner with a bread presentation that is actually called as such. How much life have I been missing out on?

swordfis May 1, 2012 at 11:07 pm

It's where Mitt gets to show off all his bread.

Tundra Grifter May 1, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Whatcho talkin' 'bout, Willis?

ttommyunger May 1, 2012 at 1:38 pm

This idiot is delighted to see his name mentioned anywhere, even here. I would prefer we not continue to stroke his massively misplaced ego any further. He's like the gay pitcher who walked the losing run in during the last game of the World Series: when the crowd roared: "You cocksucker!" He smiled and said to himself, "That's what I like: recognition!".

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I do some of my best snark on Allen.

ttommyunger May 1, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Low-hanging fruit, my friend. You can do better.

hunnybee May 1, 2012 at 4:50 pm

scathingly brilliant. as usual.

ttommyunger May 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I try; thank you.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 1, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I think that, whenever one party is Very Very Concerned About The State Of the Country, all laughter and dining should be suspended until decency and order have been restored.

James Michael Curley May 1, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Without "American heroes" like Allen West all shouty and biased and xenophobic we wouldn't need American heroes.

Chichikovovich May 1, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Fuck that noise! “Haricot verts”?

I absolutely agree, Commiemomskid. Haricots verts. Those illiterate journalists want to be all fancy-like, and they can't even get number agreement between noun and adjective in a language that requires it.

(Also: They're green beans. No amount of renaming can make green beans not suck.)

Colin de bin!

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 2:13 pm

You lie! That means varicose veins!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 1, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Cook 'em with a little sambal blachan and some red hot chillis, ground pork, shallots, and garlic, and I'll bet ten thousand dollars you'll be calling for seconds.

Chichikovovich May 1, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I have no doubt I would. I'd shout “moreground pork cooked withsambal blachan, red hot chillis, shallots, and garlic, please. Hold the beans!”—

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

There's just no curing you, eh? Try 'em with sliced browned shallots and almonds? We'll all be living on hobo beans soon enough, old chap.

starfanglednut May 1, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Maybe I'm just crazy. I love green beans.

littlebigdaddy May 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

He got on the Metro? Elitist! Real mercans drive pickups adorned with truck nutz!

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Allen West and the Talentless Tenth. W.E.B. Du Bois wept.

Mahousu May 1, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Red Artisan Greens = Communist Union Ecoterrorists

Baconzgood May 1, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Bitch bitch bitch. Only this guy could make a nice meal and some lulz and turn it political.

Ruhe May 1, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Dude, why so hatey towards Opey? "He tasks me. That Kenyan impostor tasks me!"

DaRooster May 1, 2012 at 1:49 pm

"I cried in my Galaxy."

mavenmaven May 1, 2012 at 1:51 pm

He rode the metro? Wasn't he supposed to drive the getaway car or something? http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2011/07/res

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 1, 2012 at 1:55 pm

West was undoubtedly just scouting out the commies in their natural environment before he goes all war criminal on their asses.

Mumbly_Joe May 1, 2012 at 1:59 pm

What's impressive is that whereas most critical voices regard the White House Correspondents dinner as a establishmentarian circle-jerk among prostitutes for access, Allen West's criticism is that, because America has a free press, some reporters sometimes report things contrary to Allen West's politics, which by definition, Makes America Weak.

Because -and I can't continue to stress this point nearly enough- Allen West is literally a textbook-definition fascist.

Mumbly_Joe May 1, 2012 at 2:06 pm

the Batcave

I assume that's supposed to be an Adam West reference.

Sadly, Mayor Adam West would make a better Congressman.

Nostrildamus May 1, 2012 at 2:07 pm

West needs some pénis chez le rat salée dans la réduction de vin blanc.

HippieEsq May 1, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Allen West rides metro? Is he behind the spike in sexual harrassment of metro-ridres via groping/rubbing on crowded metro trains? I swear it's not me….

Guppy May 1, 2012 at 2:12 pm

No arugula?

Callyson May 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm

"Now watch this drive."

rickmaci May 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm

You know who else wrote about his belief the elite of his country were sitting around their banquet tables "laughing and living it up" and were "helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception" of the country"?

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Ken Layne?

hunnybee May 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Hermann Goering?

horsedreamer_1 May 2, 2012 at 12:17 am

Adam Richman?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 1, 2012 at 2:16 pm

In this election year, it is sad to think that some of those who were sitting in that ballroom Saturday night laughing and living it up, are helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception of our country.

That's funny, given that West is one of "those".

Pithaughn May 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Those. What a nice word, so utilitarian. In this case those liberal medias what with their tubes and biases. My local conservatives are full circle back to the "media is liberal and liberally biased". I guess having bought enough ammo to fill their crawl space they had to find a new hobby.

starfanglednut May 1, 2012 at 8:46 pm

"enough ammo to fill their crawl space "

*shudders

Biel_ze_Bubba May 2, 2012 at 12:41 am

"those" = plural of "that one"

Eve8Apples May 1, 2012 at 2:18 pm

How dare the President laugh and dine while Allen West is laughing and dining.

Wile E. Quixote May 1, 2012 at 2:20 pm

However, as I walked from the Washington Hilton in the rain to catch the METRO back to the Batcave

The Batcave being the hottest new superhero themed gay bar in Georgetown.

CapnFatback May 1, 2012 at 2:23 pm

There was much glam, glamour, and humor flowing.

Much glam AND glamour? Was the opening act headlined by Gary Glitter and the surviving members of the New York Dolls?

CapnFatback May 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Oh, wait. Glam + humor = glamour! Well, in the spirit of the portmanteau, I'd like to propose that Allan West is a real piece of sh(arp w)it.

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 2:24 pm

From the ongoing trash-bin of Allen West Facebook blog paragraphs redacted at the last minute by his ever-vigilant Chief Of Staff:

"The derisive, mocking lilt of laughter from the mouth of the insouciantly smiling Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was a particular insult to the august principles on which this country was founded. If 'Ms.' Schultz is so enamored of the ethics and mores of this nation's enemies, let her don layers of filmy cloth, a blousey costume exposing the creamy flesh of her midriff, and a pair of those curly-pointed shoes, for the Dance Of The Seven Veils!! I am free later this evening."

whiterabid May 1, 2012 at 2:34 pm

You would think, if the President was going to laugh and dine while our Constitution erodes, then he should at least drink a wine with a Chateau in the name — not Estancia.

Wile E. Quixote May 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm

However, as I walked from the Washington Hilton in the rain to catch the METRO back to the Batcave, I pondered life outside that ballroom and the pomp. While the President laughs and dines, our Constitutional Republic is eroding and my countrymen are suffering. In this election year, it is sad to think that some of those who were sitting in that ballroom Saturday night laughing and living it up, are helping to perpetuate the manipulation and deception of our country.

When I read the quote above the comic book hero that comes to mind isn't Batman but Rorschach from Watchmen.

Rorschach's Journal: October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"… and I'll whisper "no."

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

You talkin' to me?

OneDollarJuana May 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

"glam, glamour, and humor flowing".

He forgot to complete the series: glam, glamour, humor, hum

timbo71351 May 1, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Dear Florida voters,

Fuck you for electing this massive asshole.

OneDollarJuana May 1, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Jeez! If I had to say that every time a massive asshole was elected I'd be talking into next month.

hunnybee May 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

yep. and with no grease and sand

Judith_Priest May 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm

A nice young man named Patrick Murphy is running against Allen West this year.

Cruise on over to Act Blue and consider making that nice young man a hefty donation.

Chet Kincaid May 1, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Oswald: Obama has a very great talent. I don't think you are aware how great it is. But he is attempting to use that very talent against the Republic.

Allen West: He is a very appealing President.

Oswald: Indeed he is, Mr. West. A very charismatic President. A rather … treasonous President, if I may be so bold, Sir.

Allen West: It's the media. They interfere!

Oswald: Perhaps … a meeting with the President might be in order, if you don't mind my saying so. Perhaps … a bit more. Mr. Kennedy worked against the national interest at first. But I corrected him, Sir.

Allen West: There is wisdom in your words. Pour me another!

stncmchnc May 1, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Blah Herman Munster has a Batcave? Holy batshit! Of course he has a Batcave.

starfanglednut May 1, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I'M not gonna say it.

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