Good morning, North Carolina! Have you got on your voting shoes? Gonna go cast a ballot for the sanctity of marriage and making sure children are protected from the hellish horror of having two dads (see above!) instead of having one sad silent mom and one drunken, handsy dad as Leviticus God intended (plus some slaves, no shellfish, and about fifty moms more)? Boy, are you in the wrong place! Maybe yer a good Merkan and as such prefer bullets to ballots like God and the NRA ‘tended, you like to shoot stuff a lot too, bang bang kablooey WHOOOO FUCKERS that was fun! Maybe you’d like to Stand Your Ground against your neighbor’s sign, for being a homo sign, for queers-like! Yup yup yup that’s how do it around he-ar.
That’s all folks! (Do follow Joe.My.God for updates, as he has sooooo called the fuzz on this super fine fellow.)
[JoeMyGod]
{ 93 comments }
Needs more Virginia Foxxx.
Lol at "voting shoes". You can't be barefoot and pregnant if you have shoes on.
Since when do good god-fearing wimminz vote?!
You bring up an excellent point, Civic. If we showed up to the polls with two black eyes everyone there would know that we are bad listeners at home.
They'll be so mad at you for making him do that because they know how it hurts him more than you.
I have always thought those women were clumsy and their closets had double door knobs. Hmmmmm. I must be niave.
Shut the fuck up Barb. If I wanted your opinion I'd beat it out of you. Now get back in the kitchen and make me a bacon sandwich.
Lays my head on Baconz's lap. I'm sorry I made you angry, baby. Please, I will try to do better in the future. Let's go have unprotected sex before I make your snack.
They vote for who their fathers and/or husbands say to vote for, thus multiplying their vote much like slaves multiplied the votes of their owners.
Jeez, relax. It was just a surveyor's mark.
Dear Homophobic Bible-Thumpers:
I would be quite interested in seeing the scriptural verses which explain that some acts which warranted death in the Old Testament are now allowed to be diluted down to "tradition", whereas others are still full-fledged abominations. And also the verses that tell us which are which.
I'll be here all day; take your time.
Something that got mentioned in the Dan Savage flap, actually: the weaselly reasoning is that Christ's new covenant replaces ceremonial law, but moral law remains intact.
You then ask the weasel to explain how stoning women to death for not being virgins on their wedding night is not a moral issue.
Forget, hell.
… but Jesus had two daddies
Ghey marriage? BAD!
Discharging a firearm in a residential neighborhood where kids and dogs run around loose? NO PROBLEM!
Even better, the call to 911 reporting the shots, when the operator finds out they were aimed at the pro-ghey-marriage sign, would probably get no police response other than "Good choice of target!"
Shotgun as speech.
Second Amendment beats First Amendment. That there fancy talk can't stop my bullets. heh heh.
You can't argue with a shotgun.
Bullets have impeccable logic.
KABLAM is speech too, my friend.
If that's the case, then OH what I'd do for a bowel disruptor!
Reminds me of Kyle Huff, the bastard that murdered a bunch of my friends for some reason. He was arrested for shooting up a moose statue in Montana a few years before he started walking through the house executing the people helping to drain a keg or three.
Any and all gun infractions need to have a 5 year minimum sentence.
I was already angry, frustrated, and damned near suicidal today, so I figured I'd head over here to Wonkette and give me that nice little extra bump over the edge. But it's funny… stuff here rarely gets me angry any more. I'm just so used to it, so expecting it that I just yawn.
It is times like these that I remember why I chose my nickname here. If not for the existence of my daughter I'd just be rooting for Romney to win and destroy this country, just for the black comedy of it all.
Wow, that shotgun blast slightly damaged that plastic sign, in a way that's nearly visible to the naked eye! That'll show 'em.
And it took Goober forever to squeeze off that first round. I don't think the dumb fuck could figure out the safety.
That…..is why Barney Fife was given only one shell !
The greatest tragedy of the American Civil War is that the Union Army didn't have nuclear weapons.
It's not like we haven't *tried* to nuke North Carolina.
http://io9.com/5904633/in-1958-america-accidental…
Nuclear weapons may have had collateral damage via fallout. Good old conventional napalm and incendiary devices would've worked just fine.
Take it from someone who lives here (GA), Sherman had the right fucking idea!
No, the greatest tragedy is that the North won and now we have to share a nation with North Carolina.
If you want to get serious, the real tragedy is that, in exchange for the Presidency, Hayes agreed to end reconstruction and pull the Union troops out of the South way before all the good done with reconstruction under Grant could be completed and made permanent, thus paving the way for Jim Crow and the emergence of the KKK.
…and that is how you compromise with the right!
Based on science (study released a few days ago showing homophobes are secretly gay) it's his angry hillbilly way of saying he wants to be face fucked by gay men.
"This is rifle, this is my gun. This one's for shooting, this one's for the glory hole…"
How much do you want to bet that the redneck sign shooter's family tree closely resembles a telephone pole.
Why does a sign promoting gay marriage make this dude run off to grab a big phallic symbol and empty his load all over it? HMMMMMMMM?
It's just the voice of the untrammelled id, bubbling up and erupting all over himself and others.
Medal of Freedom!
I can see from the condition of his yard he believes in not short changing the natural selection component of child rearing.
And know there are going to be little bits of lead all over for the kids to enjoy as an afternoon snack. Bonus!
You Tube is such a time saver! Having had a ringside seat to the darkest holes of American sanctimony, misplaced arrogance, self-aggrandizement, and gleeful violence for several years now, I no longer need to watch another video of dumbasses doing dumbass shit.
Hey, DB…here's a video of some shitforbrains simulating violence against an innocent sector of humanity.
(sigh) Seen it.
Even better– the Comments!
This one was one of my favorites…
"entitled frat boy goes out, buys an amendment one sign, places it in his own yard, "borrows" daddy's shotgun, takes 10 minutes to load, point and fire and grins. yeah, you're southern rock."
My new insult! Yeah, you're southern rock
Lucky for Mr cameraman that it wasn't Dick the quickshot Cheney.
I was getting worried/annoyed about how long this Merikan took to aim and shoot. It's not like the shotgun is an implement of subtlety.
Could be that this bubba mighta needed a scope at that range. I'm still not so sure he hit it.
When the cops get there they may want to check under that mound of dirt for any missing 6 year olds or blahs.
Self-hating, closeted yokel shoots things. In North Carolina. Will vote for anything/one with and (R) after their name. Meh.
Gah; there is no hope for this country, is there?
We elected hope 4 years ago but it just ended up pushing half the country over the edge.
Oh man I bet that guy's dick is TINY. It's practically written all over his face.
I bet he wishes he had a dick all over his face.
Gay.
Someone should tell this guy that the Second Amendment applies across the board. A 9mm doesn't know the sexual orientation of the person holding it and since an armed society is a polite society, assholes like Bubba there should wise up before his neighbors get all polite on him.
B-but 4chan /k/ommandos claim the 9mm is the caliber for fags and womenz!
I bet he is strangely fascinated by goatse, and has it bookmarked.
Looks like we found the douche bag of the week early this week.
Needz moar cars on blocks.
When asked for a comment, this was what his wife had to say.
"This is how we do it here"…well I sure the fuck am glad I ain't there ya'll.
Does North Carolina had a stand your ground law? If so, maybe the gheyz ought to stone cold gun down Bubber there and then show the Po-lice that there video as a threat.
Gay sign panic defense is a thing now? Damn cardboard had it coming for posting itself at the nice man like that.
The sign was wearing a hoodie and had a bag of skittles. What's a man to do under those circumstances?
Not to mention the motherf*cking iced tea.
North Carolina is well behind SC, TX, MS, TN, AZ and many others in the Race to the Bottom. But this helps.
Those pole smokers are just geh – they're blahgehs!!!!
Here's yer sign.
I bet $100 that this dude owns a set of truck nuts. Any takers? I'll give you 5 to 1.
Being gay – perversity.
Shooting a neighbor's property – Patriotic American!
Ya know, I have long wanted to retire. It won't happen. But my percieved benefit of retirement is being able to retreat to my farm, keep my head down…turn off all forms of media and fuckin' din of reports about fuckin' idiots like this Bubba. Gah, I get so disappointed, disheartened and depressed when reality slaps my face with muthafuckers like this. Gah X 2.
And verily, Jesus said unto him, "Thou art a moron who needest a cap in thy ass."
"Shall not be infringed!" USA! USA! USA!
That's it from Gomer? It took that long to aim and fire at an inanimate object? A couple of small holes? Couldn't manage to knock it down or merely render it somewhat unreadable? I am still laughing 10 minutes after I first watched that video. Bubba needs to surrender his man card because that was the most impotent attempt at a homophobic tantrum that I have ever seen.
gross.
If I were his neigh-bro I would be threatened enough to stand my ground
your move AZ.
Muh brain is a single shot brain. It can only have one idea at a time. There's one idea in the chamber now. Bang. Huh?
I've already voted against this in early voting, but from the look of the crowd hanging around the local voting station, It's passing big time. Really need Charlotte, Raleigh, Wilmington, Asheville and Winston-Salem to come out heavy.
Yeah I had a moment of panic when I saw this: "oh crap I thought it was next week!"
Also don't forget Greensboro, quite a few lefties up there as well.
Don't forget Chapel Thrill! (Thankfully, 70-ish-or-so percent of the state's population lives in those areas, so…)
Yeah good point, could just replace "Raleigh" in the original comment with "The Triangle", as I already sort of did in my mind when reading it the first time.
That's kind of what we Wilmingtonians do anyway. "The Triangle" here means everything from Chapel Hill to Cary.
hmmmm. His gun is smaller than average. Just sayin'.
See, this is how gays are destroying traditional marriage — if his wife leaves him because he's shooting a goddamn shotgun in the backyard it's all their fault.
I tried watching, but Bubba's got a distracting set of man boobs that I couldn't seem to get past.
There's no cure for stoopid, but this guy should be in the clinical trial for it.
The itsy bitsy redneck went on the internet
Whipped out a gun for to make the homos fret
But the wonkettes rose against him and mocked him 'til he cried
And the redneck ran with tail 'twixt legs a-wishin' he had died
Goddamit, the femininization of America is getting out of hand: 1. Supposed redneck dude steals the sign, takes it into his backyard and puts it in front of a dirt backstop, for safety. 2. Dude puts on FUCKING SAFETY GLASSES, like a goddam science professor. 3. Dude spends about 15 seconds chambering a round and taking the safety off. 4. His friend with the camera is giggling like a little girl.
A REAL redneck drives by the sign, sees it, does a tire-squealing 180, puts his beer between his legs, reaches behind for the shotgun on the rack, and shoots one-handed while passing the sign at 40 mph. His friend yells "FUCKYEWFAGMUHFUCKERSYEEEEEEEAAAHHHHH!" and throws HIS beer at the sign.
"That's how we do it around here."
No, buddy, that's actually NOT how you deal with signs with which you disagree, "around hurr." In NC, in fact, that's a class 3 misdemeanor.
God told him to shoot that sign. Then, God told him to run for president. And then play the numbers 15-26-31-35-44 and choose 14 for the Powerball.
Usually I don't complain when I see someone in public without a bra, but this is a little unsettling.
Space orks are at least humorously violent.
He fumbles with his equipment awkwardly, shoots his load in three seconds, and the whole event ends with a snicker. And that was just his honeymoon.
That's one angry closet case.
Comments on this entry are closed.