COME ON  7:37 pm April 30, 2012

Romney Aide Outlines Bold New Campaign Strategy of Stealing Credit For All Good Things

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Like a shot and a half of bad vodka, he is.

Mitt Romney gopher Eric Fehrnstrom is on a one-man mission to rescue political comedy this campaign season, bless his heart. First there was that time he gleefully marched out in front of the teevee camera to call his boss an Etch a Sketch, for being shifty. Now he is hilariously running around claiming that Mitt Romney is a terrible secret socialist who masterminded the popular auto industry bailout despite his extremely public stance against it. “His position on the bailout was exactly what President Obama followed,” Fehrnstrom said. It is a bit of a weird thing to say!

Let’s check WaPo for the full soundbite:

“His position on the bailout was exactly what President Obama followed,” Fehrnstrom said. “He said, ‘If you want to save the auto industry, just don’t write them a check. That will seal their doom. What they need to do is go through a managed bankruptcy process.’ ”

“Consider that the crown jewel. The only economic success that President Obama has had,” Fehrnstrom said, “is because he followed Mitt Romney’s advice.”

Mitt Romney of course was the go-to authority on the auto industry in 2008 as a bored, unemployed multimillionaire not holding office. Here is the point, though: Mittens and his magic underpants will now have all the credit for magically making all good and popular things come to pass (except increased access to health care). Take it away, Internet:




Gosh, that is a lot of work. How does Mitt Romney kick back, Eric Fehrnstrom? Tell us, do:

Pressed to reveal the lighter side of Mitt Romney, his advisers on Saturday recalled the time when the former Massachusetts governor had a laugh over a prank involving the purported firing of a chambermaid.

Goodness. Most people would prefer, say, pornography for relaxation. [WaPo/Twitter]

 
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{ 174 comments }

Limeylizzie April 30, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I cannot improve on this in any way , shape or form.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Oh yes you could…

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

What if Mitt was an SS Officer we had just ambushed and dumped into the Rhine, and then we steal his vehicle, and a kiss, and careen off toward Allied lines?

Limeylizzie April 30, 2012 at 8:08 pm

OK, we can do that, can we park somewhere to “hide” until night falls ?

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Just so long as we don't get too rambunctious! Remember that time I tipped off our hideout by shouting out "the Yanks are coming, Baby!!" and could barely get my pants back on before the Gestapo attacked our cul de sac?

imissopus April 30, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Get an attic.

EatsBabyDingos April 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

What if they got Romney to smoke some chamberpot?

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:00 pm

In 2012 Elections, jokes write self!

lulzmonger May 1, 2012 at 3:33 am

YOU LIE!

Barb April 30, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Mitt Romney is the only man who can bring change. Change for a ten thousand dollar bill, that is.

Pop quiz: who appears on the $10,000.00 bill?

bumfug April 30, 2012 at 7:56 pm

The Monopoly guy?

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Jeff?

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I recall that one of the first things George Bush (43) did was get a picture of his Mom on the $1 bill.

Boojum April 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

No, she was 41's Mom.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

I believe that was 41's wife. 43's mom.

MissTaken April 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Mitt Romney?

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Although, apparently, the change will be that a white guy will be doing exactly the same thing in every way to the current President.

Except, of course, when he's busily repealing every single thing the current President ever did. But that's only in primary season.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Otis Redding?

OC_Surf_Serf April 30, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Technically, it should be Chinese leader Hu Jintao…

WhatTheHeck April 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Its not “who.” its “what” and the “what” which appears on the $10,000.00 bill is the Central Bank of China.

Sharkey April 30, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Scrooge McDuck. Who else?

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Andy Richter.

BerkeleyBear April 30, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Oooh, you are showing off your casino cred, aren't you? I had to Google that sucker. Never knew Binion had such a collection.

Fitting that it would be a Sec. Treasury known for corrupt practices (and managing to keep the Union financed during the Civil War).

Barb May 1, 2012 at 2:30 am

I have no "casino cred" It turns out that I know nothing about gambling, nothing about sports book and the cocktail waitresses now scoff at me. My clocks are now perfectly clean and I now know that I am not the smartest damn person on Tropicana Blvd.

I was reduced at a banquet dinner in a million dollar tournament and it was the cantina scene from Star Wars. My shoulders are still aching from trying to cut that wafer-thin horse meat prime rib. Someone had the ballz to ask who I was and what I do for a living. For realz, some old guy from Chicago asked me for coffee. I blew him off and 30 minutes later, he asked me again where the coffee was. Dude, Jeff brings my coffee and I don't know how the hell it gets here. I've done some pretty shady shit in my life and coffee, making beds and doing math is NOT on that list. I'll make English muffins from scratch, I can strip out and replace a toilet in 50 minutes and I've given birth in 43 minutes without a medical professional present. I don't understand that whole "coffee grounds and water" thing.

cheaphits April 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

No I dint look it up, but I think it's Lincoln's ol' bud, Salmon Chase, who was, I think, once quoted as saying "Mitt is a dickhead" .

Barb May 1, 2012 at 1:51 am

Cheaphits, you are correct! Don Pardo, tell Cheaphits what they've won!

Crank_Tango April 30, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Hitler?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Mitt Romney?

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Salmon Chase?

#Therandomshityourememberfromelementaryschool.

George Spelvin May 1, 2012 at 12:16 am

Salmon P. Chase. (the inventor of p?)

Doktor StrangeZoom May 1, 2012 at 9:17 am

I loved that movie. John Houseman was brilliant as the crusty old ichthyology professor.

CapnFatback May 1, 2012 at 11:29 am

"Mister Hart, here is a dime. Take it, call your mother, and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a marine biologist."

OkieDokieDog April 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Oooo! I can't wait until Eric Fehrnstrom reveals that Mittens magic underwear really belong to Ann.

Barb April 30, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Oh trust me, there is no doubt that broad wears underwear with a dick hole. She's no June Cleaver.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:02 pm

You sure have a way of putting things, Barb. I like it. lol

Barb April 30, 2012 at 10:21 pm

There is a reason behind that, lol. I changed the winter clothes out for the summer clothes and I noticed some pajama bottoms I purchased and never wore. They are peacock blue with pink polka dots and a full elastic, closed waistband. I slipped them on and noticed a three-snap dick hole in them and now I am confused. Why do they unsnap there and what am I supposed to do with that?

George Spelvin May 1, 2012 at 12:18 am

Strap on?

DrunkIrishman April 30, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Mitt Romney invented Wonkette.

Butch_Wagstaff April 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

And the Intertube Web. He worked with Al Gore in his parents' garage.

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 9:23 am

I'm writing a snarky reply, exactly like Mitt told me to do.

SexySmurf April 30, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Chambermaid? Was Mitt Wit the Governor of Downton Abbey?

weejee April 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

More likely fired the chamberpot in the kiln.

anniegetyerfun April 30, 2012 at 8:58 pm

He gets a bit more like Dame Peggington Nooningtonshire every day.

bumfug April 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Mitt Romney invented standup comedy – "I don't get no respect, I'm tellin' ya. This morning I'm sittin' down for breakfast and Conchita brings out 2% milk for my Sumatran civet coffee!"

swordfis April 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

"I don't get no respect, I'm tellin' ya. I went into dis bar, it said, 'topless, bottomless!' Dere was nobody dere!"

bumfug April 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm

"No respect at all, I met the Surgeon General – he gave me a carton of Camels!"

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Nine out of ten doctors who preferred Camels have gone back to women.

Boojum April 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Or, in the case of Republicans, young boys.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Some evening when you're half loaded and just want a really good laugh, take another look at "Back to School."

Sometimes I watch it just to see Sam Kinison.

A classic.

cheaphits April 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

"Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days… Not all in a row.

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:08 pm

"I don't get no respect, I'm tellin' ya. Last night at dinner I ordered my usual chateaubriand rare, and the insolent garçon brought it back well!"

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Mitt Romney invented fellatio when he was working his way up the ladder at Bain Capital.

Schmannnity April 30, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Well, he did follow Mitt's advice on the health insurance mandate.

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 7:54 pm
Schmegeg May 1, 2012 at 12:07 am

Are Mormons allowed to play solitaire?

Doktor StrangeZoom May 1, 2012 at 9:18 am

Are you kidding? Utah leads the nation in online porn orders.

MissTaken April 30, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The next time you make yourself a sandwich, thank Mr. Romney for creating sliced bread.

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I will as soon as I get done thanking him for creating agriculture, grinding and milling grain, the creation of flour and the creation of bread.

WhatTheHeck April 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Hold on a moment. I thought the Mormons invented decaffeinated tequila.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Dewormed, darls. Dewormed.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

He got the idea while sitting in a Paris Bistro and they brought out one of those dreadful, hard baguettes. What better way to wile away the time whilst avoiding the steamy, Commie-ridden jungles of French Indochina? I'm sure the cigarette smokin', wine sippin', Pope lovin' , freedom kissin' Gauls were easy marks for the Morman missionaries.

Crank_Tango April 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Little known fact: Mitt Romney told Al Gore to invent teh interwebz.

Callyson April 30, 2012 at 7:56 pm

The then-governor was traveling around the state with his protective detail when one of the troops short-sheeted his hotel room bed, recalled senior adviser Eric Fehrnstrom. Romney then composed a letter, addressed to the governor of the commonwealth of Massachusetts by the hotel management, “apologizing for the bad housekeeping and the short sheeting of his bed.”
The letter “informed him that we had taken action to fire the chambermaid,” Fehrnstrom said. “And he showed that to the trooper that had short-sheeted the bed, and of course his face went white.”

That's it, send the other comedians home…

For. FUCK'S. SAKE!!!

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Of course it's about firing! Nothing is funny to Mitt Romney except firing people!

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Yes, he's just like you and me. He doesn't just like firing people, he thinks firing people is hilarious.

I almost wet myself every time I here jokes about destroying the lives of entire families that were already on the edge. I mean, if that isn't a thigh-slapping good time, what is?

BerkeleyBear April 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

I'm not sure if I'm more pissed off at the trooper (really, short sheeting – who the fuck does that as an adult to another adult) or Romney for wasting the time to mindfuck the trooper, even for a minute, into thinking he'd gotten someone fired. Just petty lameness all around.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:10 pm

Wait, that part about the "chambermaid" was real?

That's what I get for not reading the actual article. I actually thought it was satire. lol

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 7:56 pm

"This is one small step for man, one giant leap for…oh dear. Honey, I left the dog strapped to the top of the Lunar Excursion Module."

DrunkIrishman April 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Mitt Romney invented anal because he's so good at fucking over everyone.

MissTaken April 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

75 years ago when building the Golden Gate Bridge Mittens said, "Paint it red!". Thank you Mr. Romney.

Crank_Tango April 30, 2012 at 8:52 pm

International Orange Libel!!!

George Spelvin May 1, 2012 at 12:22 am

Primer Orange, ain't it?

sewollef May 1, 2012 at 8:23 am

You mean it's NOT golden?

WTF?

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Here is the point, though: Mittens and his magic underpants will now have all the credit for magically making all good and popular things come to pass

So does that mean that he gets the credit for whacking Andrew Breitbart now?

SmutBoffin April 30, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Mitt Romney killed Hitler, using a time machine of his own invention, then impregnated your (yes, YOUR) mom.

You wouldn't vote against your dad, would you?

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Where is the article with the quote about Obama and the bailout? The only links I see are to the "lighter side" article.

KBoydJohnson April 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Read further down the same story.

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Ah, OK. It's a weird thing to say in an article about Mitt's sense of humor, isn't it? Like the next words out of his mouth were "(guffaw/back slap) Aww, I'm just shittin' ya, man!!"

SexySmurf April 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Mittens makes Kim Jong-il look like a pussy.

Also, Mittens invented Kim Jong-il and pussy.

MissTaken April 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Mittens brought my p-ness up to 118 today.

Barb April 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Congratulations on your huge p-ness!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Does that mean Romney gets credit for Obama's theft of the "first non-Christian president" claim?

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Yes, it also means that President Obama is America's third black president after Mittens and Bill Clinton.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Warren G. Hardin libel!

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Mitt also got sound advice from his dad: Mitt, the American people will buy Gremlins, Pacers and Hornets by the millions.

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 8:15 pm

George Romney libel, he had nothing to do with the Gremlin, Pacer or the Hornet but did with the AMC Rambler, a car that was almost as durable as the Dodge Dart. Seriously, read the Wikipedia article on George Romney, he sounds like a stand-up guy, especially when compared to his douchebag son.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

In that he was an utter cock, but not the galactic-level giant douchecock that is his son.

They're a hard family to like.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Tx, WEQy, I finally read his story. And I stand corrected, but those were crappy ass cars and throw in a Matador or Spirit too.
Now the funny thing as it relates to the Bishop of Flipfloppia — didn't I read somewhere where Mitz' Secret Service name was Javelin? In honor of his Poly Papa?
Fuck, the hypocrisy is car elevator deep.

Bluestatelibel April 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm

And don't forget, Mittens also invented the first airtight dog carrier!

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Yes, see the Komen bizness model for that Ponzi Scheme.

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 10:29 pm

This comment has been deleted by Mitt Romney.

edgydrifter April 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

We may not know how magnets work, but at least now we know why they work.

WhatTheHeck April 30, 2012 at 8:30 pm

currently, the earth’s magnetic field is in the process of switching polarity, or flip-flopping, you might say.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

This is a sad, sad replay of the bad old days of the USSR.

Remember when the claimed to have invented the airplane?

Personally, it was 'way over the top when they said they came up with baseball. Ya just gotta drawn the line SOMEWHERE.

bagofmice April 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Mitt Romney built a space ship, fueled by the souls of the companies he buys.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I invented Mitt Romney. Pull my finger and I'll do it again.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

lol

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Just don't create Shitt Romney. Keep it gassy.

Serolf_Divad April 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Next up: Mitt Romney explains how strapping his dog to the roof of the family station wagon was actually Barack Obama's idea.

Fairtackle April 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Actually it was Mitt who wrote Dark Side of the Moon.

johnnymeatworth April 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

And synced it to The Wizard Of Oz.

Fairtackle April 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Also the only human known to be able to slap Chuck Norris hard enough to make him cry.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 30, 2012 at 8:12 pm

How come Mittens doesn't brag more about insurance mandates?

You'd think that would buy him some credibility.
~

Blueb4sunrise April 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Mitt invented bullshit?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ April 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

between Edgy and Fairtackle, I believe they have noted this as a new round of "Chuck Norris" humor.

Bad news, everyone but this is the same as dividing by zero, because Chuck Norris has already endorsed Gingrich.

Butch_Wagstaff April 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Obviously, Norris didn't use his awesome (imaginary) fighting skills enough to get people to support Newt.

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Some pathological lying for added creepiness..

DalePues April 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Romney's secret weapon: I invented ice.

Gleem McShineys April 30, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Well, Al Gore tried to claim it, but we all know Mitt invented the internet.

When are you planning on thanking him for Facebook?

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Mitt created the universe.

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Fehrnstom? What a drag.

Come here a minute April 30, 2012 at 8:29 pm

When asked for comment, President Obama said, "You know, if I had a son, he would look like that kid sleeping behind Mitt Romney."

MozakiBlocks April 30, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Awesome!

mavenmaven April 30, 2012 at 8:31 pm

As he believes in postmortem baptism, so can he believe in postfactual credit taking.

PuglyDoRight April 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

"Pressed to reveal the lighter side of Mitt Romney, his advisers on Saturday recalled the time when the former Massachusetts governor had a laugh over a prank involving the purported firing of a chambermaid."

As opposed to one of the OTHER maids. Hard to keep track of all of them.

And don't we all love having a giggle at the expense of the help?

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

The OTHER maids?

Often maid?

Seldom maid?

Maid-to-order?

Maid in the shade?

Boojum April 30, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Milk maid
Minute Maid
Maid-en-merica

chascates April 30, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I just hope his perpetual motion machine is finished soon.

PuckStopsHere April 30, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Let me see if I've got this straight. Obama followed Mittens advice on the auto bailout and ObamaCare could not be less like Mitts MA plan. Have I got it right? Fuuuuuck….

rickmaci April 30, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Given Romoney's resume in business, I have been shocked by how pathetically stupid their position statements have been up to now on the auto industry bankruptcy/bailout. What Romoney had been saying is he would not have done the loan portion, the "bailout", and would have left that to the private money market to take on, certainly what he would have done at Bain. That totally ignores the fact that no private equity stake holder, including Bain, was willing to pony up the finance so there was no choice except to have the Feds put up the money, subject to massive collateralization with GM stock and a giant f *ing over of the GM bond holders and labor contracts. Ultimately, It was a text book chapter 11 plan except the finance came from the government as opposed to a bank. Sort of shows how easy it is to make money as a vulture capitalist. You really don't need to know anything about the actual business, just lots of other people's money. You buy it cheap, strip it by selling any valuable assets and flip it at inflated values in the carved down mode to some schnook. Used car salesmen do much the same thing.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:02 pm

When you can make the numbers work, DIP financing makes a great deal of sense because the lender elbows its way to the head of the line, ahead of all other creditors.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

That totally ignores the fact that no private equity stake holder, including Bain, was willing to pony up the finance so there was no choice except to have the Feds put up the money

Bingo. These free-market-worshipping cunts neglect to mention that. Perhaps because the HUGE FUCKING CREDIT CRUNCH caused by tanking the fuck out of the economy via a housing boom fed by idiot macro-level policy might have something to do with the whole thing.

GWB should be in jail.

sewollef May 1, 2012 at 8:43 am

Hmm. My 'Should be in Jail' list is set in 8pt type and is now three pages long.

Starts with GWB, runs through the entire Shrub cabinet, leadership of every department [State, Defense, FDA, FEMA, and particularly Justice, etc]; the heads and departmental leadership of every intelligence agency [CIA, NSA, FBI, DIA, etc]; every station chief in every country.

Then we move on to Wall Street…. with the entire board of Goldman Sachs, the Fed [except Paul Volker who warned us about deregulation].

And on and on….!

And to make room in prison for all these criminals, I'd release everyone jailed for marijuana possession.

I should be in governmint me.

Bluestatelibel April 30, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Job Creator Libel!

Mittens was able to give those companies valuable advice about saving toner and paper (see Wonkette post from the other day).

rickmaci April 30, 2012 at 9:41 pm

You're right in that I probably should apologize to used car salesmen. Comparing them to vulture capitalists is a libel of used car salesman.

Gleem McShineys April 30, 2012 at 8:46 pm

"Pressed to reveal the lighter side of Mitt Romney"

lighter than stiff white Mormon!?

a_pink_poodle April 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

You see when Romney said "Let Detroit go bankrupt" he meant give Detroit a bail out! There goes the liberal media again taking Romney's words out of context!

arihaya April 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

this reminds me about Kim Jong-Il, he liked to tour North Korea giving "advice" to workers in factories, and subsequently North Korean media will credit those factories performance are "because they followed Dear Leader's advice.”"

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Mitt Romney played a round of golf and got ten hole-in-ones.

So Tired April 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

A snowstorm broke and a double rainbow flooded the valley when he was born. Good times.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Mormons dressed as Native Americans and murdered everyone in a wagon train for the lulz to celebrate.

bikerlaureate April 30, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Just how stupid and/or racist are the crazy 27%, to continue backing a Mittbot so fundamentally opposed to facts?

rickmaci April 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

It's the Wingtard KKKoolade.

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 11:48 am

The first black President in our history, and he doesn't get the white Southern vote? I'm shocked, shocked I tells ya!

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 8:55 pm

In hindsight, Mitt is always prescient. That's the sort of approach to self-understanding that I would expect from a theologian. Jim Jones, for instance, or David Koresh.

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"My God, hundreds of people just lying there. It's so eerie. How did he get them all to drink poison kool-aide?"

"No, they're just sleeping. Mittens was giving one of his speeches again."

anniegetyerfun April 30, 2012 at 8:59 pm

“There’s something a little bit off-key about the president slow-jammin’ or appearing to make light of the fact that students are struggling either with loans . . . or they’re graduating with an uncertain job market,” Fehrnstrom said. “I don’t think that’s something to slow jam about or make light of.”

I wish I were making that up. What a disingenuous little wad of fuck.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I've just been having a kick hearing conservatives say "slow jammin'" as if they knew who Jimmy Fallon was or what he does, and like they actually saw the show, because if they did, the persident was doing anything but making light of the situation.

lulzmonger May 1, 2012 at 3:38 am

Talk about pissing on a forest fire: He's never going to be able to make up for that Etch-A-Sketch fuckup, no matter how hard he slings that shovel.

But it'll be hilarious to watch him try.

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:00 pm

If I were "Eric Fehrnstrom" I would be spending my free time figuring out a new last name.

iburl April 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Matot.
(Mitt already thought of that)

ManchuCandidate April 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Mittens hired Baghdad Bob?

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I always preferred the BBC's moniker of "Comical Ali"

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:25 pm

My favorite quote of his was when he said something to the extent of that Americans troops were committing suicide by the hundreds at the city gates. lol

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Or when he said that there were no US troops in Baghdad and the M1A1 Abrams crossed the street in the background behind him.

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 11:50 am

Suicide squad, attack!

MilwaukeeKent April 30, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Tom, Wile, we'll never know, but hearing him today I noted the Rombot 2100 was making that annoying click sound again, at the end of every phrase. He's due for a tune-up.

Sharkey April 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Mitt Romney supported World of Warcraft.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Mitt Rmoney invented the Etch-a-Sketch.

Willard also pioneered smelting, bringing the entire human race out of the stone age.

Let alone his stopping the Late Heavy Bombardment armed only with a tennis racquet.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I'm pretty sure he invented gunpowder and also was a first responder.

Fukui-sanYesOta May 1, 2012 at 1:19 am

He also taught Werner von Braun. No gay Nazi stuff though.

iburl April 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

You may not think that firing a chambermaid is that funny, but she was really sick and a single mom with 3 kids!! :•p

MilwaukeeKent April 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Ha, Ha! Pretend the chamberrmaid got fired! Remember when Romney gutted and shuttered Kay-Bee Toys? I swear, we all laughed for a week!

crybabyboehner April 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Might not the firing of the chambermaid have some pornographic aspect?
Just asking, old chap.
BTW, can you spare a spot of Grey Poupon?

iburl April 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Romney was the first to posit that silicene could be more exciting than grapheme. http://is.gd/0gTJs9 #fehrnstroming

owhatever April 30, 2012 at 9:44 pm

"That's one small step for mankind, one giant leap for mankind."
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
"Four score and seven years ago…"
"Why don't we get drunk and screw."

Armstrong, Roosevelt, Lincoln and Jimmy Buffet all stole their lines from Mitt.

johnnyzhivago April 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Only a draft dodger like Romney could criticize actual military veteran Jimmy Carter for a correct decision Obama made 30 years after he left office, ignoring the fact that Carter made an even tougher decision (Iran rescue).

No snark, Romney makes me want to puke.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I caught that today as well. The Iran rescue was a fucking ballsy decision in the same vein as the bin Laden takedown. It didn't work, but that's the risk you take when you make the decision.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

You know, I hate that no one really seems to come to Carter's aid on the many occassions he's made to look like some bumbling cloud. I realize the dude is very zen, but I'd hire at least one media person to protect my legacy in the everyday media. I'm just tired of seeing people get away with this unanswered bashing. It's rarely ever an attack on his policies.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

This has shades of "I invented the internet," except that Mitt Romney's team actually said what they said, and Mitt didn't have a damned thing to do with saving the domestic auto industry. I'm loving this new meme.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Downton Abbey called; they say they are missing one of their characters.

Fukui-sanYesOta April 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Duc Willard d'Argent, whose family escaped Madame Guillotine by fleeing to Mexico. He's back and has declared war on the sans-culottes.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 10:12 pm

The Statue of Liberty. Well, the governor just called in a favor, en français, mais oui!

The Declaration of Independence? Well, the governor wrote that old thing on a cocktail napkin over drinks with Jefferson at an upscale tavern in Philly. No big whoop.

ttommyunger April 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Mitt may not have invented pandering and gibberish, but he has accomplished a perfectly seamless blending of the two better than anyone else, bar none.

MarionNYNY April 30, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Clearly, if he had been the Republican nominee last time out, he would have won. If he had won he would have (1) passed a health care bill (2) bailed out GM (3) saved the economy and (4) killed Bin Laden. And in his first term as President he'll just ask Obama what he would have done if he'd won, and he'll do that too.

imissopus April 30, 2012 at 11:07 pm

A state trooper short-sheeted Mitt's bed? That was considered a huge prank? Christ, that was dumb when I was at camp.

Generation[redacted] May 1, 2012 at 11:54 am

The subtle humor was that Willard faced a dilemma: He could either make his own bed for the first time in his life (while his companions laugh at his comical attempts), or have the maid fired (a practice he excelled at throughout his childhood years).

fuflans April 30, 2012 at 11:13 pm

however, i refuse to believe mitt romney was responsible for anyone's orgasm.

ever.

SilverTsunami April 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

What a shame that he's LDS and so can't say, "I don't often drink beer, but when I do…"

Fukui-sanYesOta May 1, 2012 at 1:22 am

"… I'm excommunicated and can never speak to any of my family ever again"

lulzmonger May 1, 2012 at 3:42 am

Willard also wrote Shalespeare's sonnets & invented hydroponic weed.

Yeah, go on, buddy, keep sprinkling more tinsel on that turd you work for – I'm sure you'll be able to smile the stink away sooner or later.

Mumbly_Joe May 1, 2012 at 8:27 am

Well, what do you expect, really? Mitt Romney invented audaciously hubristic dishonesty.

Mitt Romney's position on the truth is exactly what Cain followed.

Jughead2130 May 1, 2012 at 8:45 am

And on the seventh day Mittens said "I think we should take a break"

Lazy Media May 1, 2012 at 10:48 am

Mitt Romney invented Obamacare YEARS before Obama did, but Obama totally ruined it by taking Massachusetts' precious industry-recruiting advantage and giving it to the other states. Why do you hate Massachusetts, Nobama?

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