ECONOMY SCHMECONOMY  5:16 pm April 30, 2012

Romney, Obama Arguing Over Who’d Have Murdered Bin Laden Harder

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Jimmy Carter could also kick Mitt Romney's ass.
Boy oh boy are we looking forward to the general election presidential debates. Here is a delightful preview from today’s news cycle to give your groan reflex a light workout ahead of the marathon that awaits it this fall: Mitt Romney, per the above tweet, asserted that one need only have balls the size of Jimmy Carter’s as a prerequisite for wanting to kill Osama bin Laden. Ha ha, zing! Good one, old boy. Rebuttal, Barack Obama? “As far as my personal role and what other folks [Ed note: He means Romney] would do, I’d just recommend that everybody take a look at people’s previous statements in terms of whether they thought it was appropriate to go into Pakistan and take out bin Laden,” he said. What fun, having arguments over hypothetical tactical decisions about an event that has already taken place. More presidential testicle-size math word problems, please!

From ABC News:

The president was alluding to Romney’s 2007 comments about bin Laden that “it’s not worth moving heaven and earth and spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.” The Obama campaign last Friday released a web ad suggestion that this sentence suggests he would not have been willing to take the risk and order Navy SEALs to cross into Pakistan and infiltrate bin Laden’s Abbotabad compound.

2012 is just the political year from outer space, is it not? The far-left youth-backed Democratic candidate from 2008 is four years later taunting the Republican candidate for being soft on defense and murder. The general election will be fun in the same way that a waterboarding session is cleansing. [Twitter/ABC News]

 
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{ 172 comments }

Come here a minute April 30, 2012 at 5:17 pm

President Carter could also poetry slam the shit out of Romney.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Also slow jam the news. Too.

Blueb4sunrise April 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Oh well, so much for 'act like you been there before'…….

weejee April 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm

And as an Annapolis grad, he has teh military service over Rmoney, too, also.

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

One of Rickover's nuclear engineers, too, a Gideon's band in its day. Does Mitt really want to get in a pissing match over this? Answering my own question, of course he does; Romney voters don' need no stinkin' bona fides!

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Reality's for pussies!

Geminisunmars April 30, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Well, then I'm just a(nother) Pussy for Reality.

OC_Surf_Serf April 30, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Carter has even built more dang houses than Romney has ever owned…

…but, sadly, Chávez Carter he just gave them away for the price of labour to a family in need…what a commie.

(If Carter wasn't such a Southern gentleman he would shove his Nobel Peace Prize up Romney's puckered tight ass.)

Come here a minute April 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Romney has sold ONE house for more than the price of all Jimmy Carter's houses combined. That's a real leader.

Schmannnity April 30, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Enough about the past. Who will each murder in the future?

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Ask not who your country will murder for you. Ask who you can murder for your country. Pew! Pew!

iburl April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Thanks to NDAA, the winner could legally have the loser murdered.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm

[citation needed]

iburl April 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

OK, technically, he the winner would need to use the powers in the NDAA to "disappear" the loser, then once they were shipped overseas, THEN the winner could murder the loser.
http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/214295

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Ah, got it.

So, the winner could invoke a power explicitly not granted by the NDAA to detain a US citizen in the US, which is explicitly forbidden by the Non-Detention Act, and could then illegally rendition said illegally detained citizen before invoking legal doctrine not present in or in any way dependent on, and indeed predating, the NDAA to complete the kill. And this is all the fault of the NDAA because absolutely none of it is in there.

IonaTrailer April 30, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Seal Team Six – where are you right now?

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Our future alien overlords, of course.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Y'know, I said something like that when Obama first released the commercial: it would be so easy for Mitt to knock that crack out of the park. Comparing him to Carter is just a fringe benefit.

But then the President shows he really has some skill in eleven dimension chess by, I don't know, piping a quote for Romney where he asks if it would be worth it after all or something. I called that too…

Blueb4sunrise April 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm

FWIW
I recall hearing an interview with Jimmy C. where he said that the reason the hostages were still alive for Raygun was because C. convinced the Iranians that if any of them were harmed he WOULD flatten Iran.

BooYah! Pumped now!!!!

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Tain't no rumor. Ed Meese was talking to the Ayatollah all through the campaign.

montreal_bruin April 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm

And let's not forget William Casey and the cakes in Madrid.

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Tortas que nos gusten?

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"Taint" being the operative word for both Meese and Casey.

IndianaKevin May 1, 2012 at 8:13 am

A bullet (or x number of 'em) was too good for him. Now, a SLOW bullet, filed down to a square, with a dash of tobasco sauce … I'm getting all goose-bumpy just thinking about it!

LettucePrey April 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Pffft. I would have murdered bin Laden, like, Joe Pesci-style, with an ice pick to the face. Pansy asses.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I would have gone all Hannibal Lecter on him, cut him up and served him to the Pakistani President with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I would have crucified him.

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I would have made him watch a loop of Small Wonder for two weeks straight.

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

I would have forced him to stay awake during a Romney speech.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I'd 'a sent him straight to da moon!

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Wimp. If I had authorized this mission I would have had the SEALs capture bin Laden alive. He would then have been flown to Enumclaw, Washington where he would be taken to a horse barn where where several randy stallions would be waiting. He would then be strapped down to a table. The stallions would be led in and allowed to have their way with him.
After his colon had been blown out by repeatedly being penetrated by massive horse cocks and he was suffering from fatal internal injuries from said horse cocks ejaculating massive loads of horse jism deep inside his intestines he would be dragged outside and thrown into a pen full of hungry pigs who would proceed to eat him. The manure from these pigs would then be used to fertilize a flower garden that spelled out "U.S.A" in red, white and blue flowers.
While all of this was happening I would have it filmed and streamed live over the internet. High resolution Blu-Ray DVDs of the event would then be available from the White House website for a moderate price. How's that for tough?

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Mission Accomplished!

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:31 pm

I'm simutaneously laughing and being nervous about your mental health. lol

Sharkey April 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Well, the grownup thing to do would have been to bring him to trial, all Nuremburg-like, but no one will bother to say that.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm

But he'd turn into a nuclear bomb and reduce a major US city to ashes because he hates Jesus.

HobbesEvilTwin April 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

and US Merika always does the grownup thing!

HistoriCat April 30, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I agree that would have been the grownup thing to do. Maybe Obama didn't want to deal with the enormous pants-poop the Republicans in Congress would experience. I mean, it's bad enough when Boehner cries – having him standing there with a steaming load in his pants would make it really difficult to get anything done.

Sharkey April 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

You have hit the proverbial nail on the post-racial head.

Designer_Rants April 30, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Bin Laden Trial? NOT IN MY BACKYAHARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pithaughn April 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm

And yet it was a Republican administration that did spend Billions just to remove one person. Well one person and his kids, but still mainly Spend Billions to get Sadam. Because Cheney said even if there was only a 1% chance that Sadam had a nuke or bio weapon we had to move heaven and earth to GET HIM.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 5:28 pm

So we'll be having my 50 caliber is bigger than your 22 until November? Jeez Louise..

MarionNYNY April 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Obama's response, looking at something that Romney actually said, was clever. The problem is anything Romney ever said in the past about anything doesn't count.

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

"What Romney said in the past" is a target-rich environment, to say the least.

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Quick! To the Twitter. Make it a trending topic.

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Half the press corps are in the bag for their corporate masters and the other half are preoccupied with celebrity baby bumps. Good luck getting the record out.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:33 pm

You know, I was watching a serious news conference consisting of the new Japanese PM and our president, and on the bottom of the screen CNN was scrolling about Snooki and JWow's new reality show, and I died a little, inside.

SexySmurf April 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

The president was alluding to Romney’s 2007 comments about bin Laden that “it’s not worth moving heaven and earth and spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.”

But that was five years ago. Mitt Witt has changed his opinion 4,916,735 times since then.

Schmannnity April 30, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Who has the bigger stick?

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Five bucks says the GOP starts using the word "bigger" as a dog whistle for the faithful.

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The Republican Ladies Auxiliary will be simultaneously moved to vote GOP & sit on a towel.

GregComlish April 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

In the Romney family all the sticks are exactly the right size

JoeHoya April 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Carter ordered Operation Eagle Claw in Iran, a military mission to free hostages held in the capital city of an enemy state. That takes a hell of al lot more balls than sneaking into an ally's country to kill everyone in one isolated building.

And it should be noted that the fact that Eagle Claw was an unmitigated disaster goes to show that just because it takes a lot of balls to do something doesn't mean it's necessarily right.

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I said a flip flop to the flippie the flippie
to the flip flip flop, a- you dont stop

Schmannnity April 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Grandmaster Mitt Flash

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 5:38 pm

That song needs the Bush twins dancing in giant flip flops costumes. Remember those? Weren't that fun?

BarackMyWorld April 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Guess what, America, we love you…

Rotundo_ April 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Mittens would have contracted the job out to mercs (what is the name of the day for blackwater?) and they would have gone to the wrong building and vaporized a dormitory full of Pakistani military cadets and Mittens would have had to go on the tube telling the suckers that believe his shit that BinLadin was just yards away and escaped because he is just that cunning and evil and he is bound to strike in the US at any moment BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!! You know, just like Dubya would have.

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Xé, or maybe Xē.

anniegetyerfun April 30, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Pronounced "Che".

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Que?

Geminisunmars April 30, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Quoi?

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Was?

glamourdammerung April 30, 2012 at 6:33 pm

They actually changed their name again to some misspelling of "academy".

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Don't tell them or they'll rename yet again, but the spelling "academi" makes me think of the way Jean-Christophe Novelli pronounced the name of his short-lived reality cooking show.

James Michael Curley April 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Xe

Millennial Malaise April 30, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Slick new website and everything! http://www.academi.com/

metamarcisf April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Presidents who would have ordered the hit on bin Laden:

Grover Cleveland, Zachary Taylor, John Adams, William Howard Taft, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Earl Carter, Theodore Roosevelt

Presidents who would have have let bin Laden escape:

John Quincy Adams, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Calvin Coolidge, Dwight D. Eisenhower, James Monroe, James Polk, James Buchanan

Jury still out:

Grover Cleveland (two non-consecutive terms), William Henry Harrison, Ronald Reagan, John Tyler, Millard Fillmore, George H. W. Bush

Don't know: James Madison, George Washington, Andrew Jackson, George W. Bush, Harry S Truman, Lyndon Johnson

Busy: John F. Kennedy, Abe Lincoln

Rotundo_ April 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Shouldn't Dubya be on the second list due to the whole Tora Bora fiasco?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 5:57 pm

OK, but what about the unaccountably unpopular President Daniel Flintstone?

BarackMyWorld April 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

If George W. Bush was going to get Bin Laden, George W. Bush would've gotten Bin Laden.

BerkeleyBear April 30, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Fillmore was too drunk all the time to even know what he was doing.
Either Harrison (Ben or WHH) would have killed him in a heartbeat, since he was brown and all and hence close enough to being an Indian. Ditto Andy Jackson (although Andy would have wanted to horsewhip him first).
TJ would have tried to find out how good looking his sisters are before making the call one way or another.
Warren G Harding wouldn't have cared since it didn't have anything to do with a make believe Red Scare or business.
Reagan would have sent him a cake and a Bible first, then had Ollie North try to take him out when it went south.

deanbooth April 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Andrew Jackson would have done it. He invaded (Spanish) Florida against orders and hung some British diplomats claiming he didn't see the orders not to.* Major asshole.

*Facts may differ from my memory

Chill-A-Sketch April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Yes, even Carter would've given that order, but only Willard would've had the courage to baptize him afterwards.

Rotundo_ April 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm

He still can! Hell he can baptize the prophet as a Mormon if he really wants to frost a few million asses…

rickmaci April 30, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Honestly, that is a good question to ask Romoney. Should Bin Laden be dead baptized by the Mormons?

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Not only would Mittens have posthumously baptized bin Laden but he'd also marry all of his wives, impregnate them and then raise the kids as Mormons.

Rotundo_ April 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

You know, that would have been a wonderful thing to tell him before sending him off to hell. And raising the little guys in Utah would have been some retribution for what he did.

mormos April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Nothing clears out the sinuses like a good waterboarding

Steverino247 April 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Speaking from personal experience, tear gas does a wonderful job of curing a sinus infection. Makes a helluva mess as your skull instantaneously empties itself of snot, but oh the relief!

DaRooster April 30, 2012 at 5:31 pm

“it’s not worth moving heaven and earth and spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.”

Would it be worth the effort to get the folks that allowed/helped 9/11 to happen?

bikerlaureate April 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Do as you said, not as I did.

EtchySketchy April 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm

Romney would have ordered the hit on Bin Laden, then sent paramedics in to revive him on advice from his campaign team.

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Statements that will not wind up in Bartlett's or inscribed at the base of a statue on the Mall: "As far as my personal role and what other folks would do, I’d just recommend that everybody take a look at people’s previous statements in terms of whether they thought it was appropriate to go into Pakistan and take out bin Laden."

Here, Hopey. Take a lesson from another president from Illinois: "Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose – and you allow him to make war at pleasure."

Or, apropos tomorrow: "Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration."

weejee April 30, 2012 at 5:53 pm

There you go! Talking wonderful again.

Callyson April 30, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The president was also referring to Romney’s reaction in 2007 after then-Senator Obama said “if we have actionable intelligence about high-value terrorist targets and President Musharraf won’t act, we will.” Romney at the time called those comments “ill-timed” and “ill-considered” and said “there is a war being waged by terrorists of different types and nature across the world. We want, as a civilized world, to participate with other nations in this civilized effort to help those nations reject the extreme with them.”

Yeah, sure, Mittens, you would have gone after him…

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

The race so far:
1. Who hates the womenz…moar.
2. Who hates dogs….moar.
3. Who hated some bogeyman, fall guy… moar.

This is going to so suck.

SexySmurf April 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm

4. Who's a bigger doody-head…moar.

rickmaci April 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Romoney has nothing. So far it's like BHO is standing on one side of the bog waving and calling to Mittie, come get me. Romoney then runs across the bog after BHO and is chest deep in the quicksand before he can get 1/2 way there. As long as nobody throws him a rope (Hillary Rosen) he will sink before end of summer.

Butch_Wagstaff April 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I can see Sarah Palin tossing him a word salad.

seppdecker April 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm

If Bin Laden was working in a small American factory that could be dismantled and thrown to the Chinese, Romney would have destroyed him.

anniegetyerfun April 30, 2012 at 6:01 pm

"I like firing terrorists!"

Gleem McShineys April 30, 2012 at 6:08 pm

"Oh Yeah, Obama?! Well, I'll have you know I'd totally liquidate his assets! Literally, I mean. His stock options would be leveraged so high, we'd even sell the building too!"

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

WIN.

Callyson April 30, 2012 at 5:38 pm

“it’s not worth moving heaven and earth and spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person.”

No, much better to keep waging unnecessary wars in countries that did not attack the US, such as Iraq, and letting the leader of the organization that did attack the US slip out of our grasp…

Six more bloody months…

bagofmice April 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm
smitallica April 30, 2012 at 5:41 pm

So, Mitt would've given the order, but then not used it to his political advantage, right? Right.

Maman April 30, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Republicans would NEVER gloat over a victory.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Not when mission's accomplished.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 6:06 pm

How would we know? Have they ever had one?

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

27% say the GOP never fails.

ph7 April 30, 2012 at 5:43 pm

They are beating a dead varmit.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Only someone with no brain would think the choices made in the mission to get Bin Laden were all no-brainers.

Sadly, that covers most of the electorate.

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Mittens — regardless of everything he said back when he had to agree with Dubya just to get his support — okay that doesn't sound so good either — but anyway, Mittens definitely would've given the go-ahead if presented with the same decision President Obama had been.

Of course Mittens woudn't've been presented with that decision, since he wouldn't've expended the effort to track bin Laden's whereabouts anyway; he wouldn't've had the added intelligence and reconnaissance and troop presence because he wouldn't've increased his efforts in Afghanistan; because we would still have troops in Iraq riding around getting blown up for no reason because he never said anything about leaving; and Afghanistan would still be a backwater war we were trying to hand off to our NATO allies.

But aside from all that — had Mittens been President Obama and done all of the things President Obama did to get him to that point, then Mittens would've made the same concluding decision that President Obama made. Got it.

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Your argument is what the cable shouters now call "counterfactual" and therefore too complicated to explain to the voters. If it doesn't fit on a bumper sticker, it doesn't count.

Be sure to vote, everybody!

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

So what you're saying is that if Mittens was a Democrat from Illinois who had a white mother and a Kenyan father and who had a funny sounding Arab name and if he had won the 2008 election by 10 million votes instead of being a white Mormon Republican from Massachusetts who got his ass handed to him in the 2008 primaries and who only prevailed in 2012 because he had more money and less batshit insanity than his opposition that Osama bin Laden would still be dead?

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Exactly. It's a no-brainer.

Wile E. Quixote April 30, 2012 at 7:24 pm

But wouldn't that kind of massive, yet unlikely and completely hypothetical, spatio-temporal distortion lead to the creation of an alternate universe just like ours except where everything was switched around and the only way you'd know that you were dealing with President Obama and not hypothetical and completely unlikely alternate universe President RmoneyObama (who looks just like President Obama) is that hypothetical and completely unlikely alternate universe President RmoneyObama is because he would have a goatee?

elviouslyqueer April 30, 2012 at 5:54 pm

Dear Mittens:

Woulda, coulda, shoulda, you disingenuous pansy-assed lying motherfucker.

Regards,

EQ

ElPinche April 30, 2012 at 5:59 pm

He can pretend to be president all he wants after Nov 2012. He can go back to living the Ralph Lauren life as a wealthy debutante and former serial-unemployer.

anniegetyerfun April 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I look forward to the coming political campaign in which Romney explains everything else that he totally agrees with Obama on.

James Michael Curley April 30, 2012 at 6:05 pm

I think the real question that needs an answer is why is Desmond Miles still alive?

FlownOver April 30, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"Why is Desmond Miles Erin Burnett still alive?"

Fixed.

HobbesEvilTwin April 30, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Let's cut through all the bullshit and just make the election about who would've taken a bigger dump on Hitler. There.

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Charles Lindbergh, on account of all the lutefisk he ate the night before.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

You watched the Bill Hicks clip in the Limbaugh thread, didn't you?

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

No, I saw "Limbaugh thread" and skipped right over it.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Wise man.

By coincidence, then, it was relevant to the circumstances in which Charles Lindbergh was mostly likely to be taking a dump on Hitler.

glamourdammerung April 30, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Well, since 1975, Hitler has been a Mormon.

Butch_Wagstaff April 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

That must infuriate the souls of Jews who decided to accept the Mormon conversion posthumously. "Really? This guy? Well, at least we won't have to be on the same planet as him in Mormon heaven."

JustPixelz April 30, 2012 at 6:12 pm

"it’s not worth … spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person."

This is why we need a businessman in the White House. Unlike a "politician", Romney will do a cost/benefit analysis on these questions. Then weigh that against whether those billions would be better spent on tax cuts for stay-at-home moms. If some grieving families are denied the satisfaction of revenge/justice, that is simply part their cost of doing business.

BerkeleyBear April 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

If he would actually do that, I'd halfway believe his bs. But his ROI seems limited purely to "what will bump my poll numbers" which in turn dooms little nuggets like "investing in women is a better way of ensuring peace and prosperity than bombing the crap out of already marginalized populations" despite all the economic and sociological data that backs them up.

DrunkIrishman April 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Hey Mitt Romney, you'll never be half the man Jimmy Carter is. You greasy, slimy piece of Mormon shit – why don't you go throw yourself off one of your fucking ten houses and save us all the agony of putting up with your inane bullshit the next seven months? No one likes you. They think you look like the creepy pedophile who stands outside the local elementary taunting little kids with jaw breakers.

You are so indecisive, you smelly heap of burnt robot metal, that if you were presented with the decision to go after bin Laden, your mainframe would overload and you'd burn out. You probably freeze up when your butler asks you if you want soup or salad you lame-brain fuck.

fuflans April 30, 2012 at 6:26 pm

man DI, you are really in a tizzy today.

not that i blame you, but still…

you should have a bevvie to sooth your nerves.

DrunkIrishman April 30, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I am a very angry person today. Some asshole stole my parking space.

DrunkIrishman April 30, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I think it was Mitt Romney, that cocksucker.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:55 pm

They think you look like the creepy pedophile who stands outside the local elementary taunting little kids with jaw breakers.

That is the most perfect description of the man. Most perfect.

Bluestatelibel April 30, 2012 at 6:17 pm

The amazing thing was Wolf Blitzer predicted this. Remember when he wrote, "This will be a nasty campaign." He was right!

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Nobody could have predicted!

Generation[redacted] April 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

(rolls eyes) I believe the title of that memo was, "Bad Electioneering Determined to Strike U.S."

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:59 pm

ROTFLMAO!

Rotundo_ April 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Nostradumbass has a million of them…

BerkeleyBear April 30, 2012 at 7:19 pm

This is not nasty. This cycle won't get close to nasty as a historical measure. At least, I'm hoping there won't be intimidation on a wide spread basis, violent night marches, accusations of illegitimate children (which turn out to be true in Cleveland's case), threats to destroy the union (which are then acted on), votes traded for booze all over the country and so on. We are all a bunch of candy asses compared to 19th century politics – and that's a good thing.

Bluestatelibel April 30, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Personally, I think arguing about killing anyone is nasty and medieval, but then let's not bicker about who killed who. Since childhood, my father always says the same thing, "this is going to be a nasty campaign," so I got a kick out of it when Wolf enlightened us.

BarackMyWorld April 30, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Mitt, what happened to you? If you were this indecisive and self-contradictory when you were with Bain Capital, you never could have fired all those people.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 30, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Oh yeah? Jimmy can crush beer cans on his forehead. Full, unopened beer cans. Fuck you Mitt.

FlownOver April 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Jimmy Carter's Secret Service codename is "Bill Brasky."

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Sure that wasn't Billeh? Ah, good times!

arihaya April 30, 2012 at 6:27 pm

it require balls the size of Jimmy Carter's to realize that America is addicted to oil, that solution for energy crisis is not invading another country, that occupying a third word country is morally repugnant and that Israel's future lie in peace and not war.

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Does anyone remember the outcry from the right over this 2004 Dubya campaign ad where he says that John Kerry would've endangered America? I'm sure Mitt had something to say about that.

DahBoner April 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

LOL!!!

IF my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle…

cheaphits April 30, 2012 at 6:51 pm

"Presidential elections, are planned distractions, to divert attention from the action behind the scenes. Like a game of chess when the house is a mess, or a petty money squabble, when your marriage is in trouble, or a football game, when there's rioting in the streets.."

Timbuk3, outta Austin in the '80's.-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbT1PJsTVkU&fe

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 6:53 pm

So, who will the GOP fob off to fly a plane into Freedom Tower on the nite when Obama addresses the DNC?

Dashboard Buddha April 30, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Ah christ…I'm just cynical enough to think that something like that would happen.

V572 Is this him? April 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

What are we going to learn about Barry and Mittens that we don't know about them right now? What purpose will the next seven months of "campaigning" (and punitive levels of teevee ads*) serve except to generate more faux outrage and mendacious argument?
_______________________
*Thank Jebus for the indelible blueness of California, which spares us much of this.

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 7:08 pm

And sometimes there's no reason to run against the things your opponent said — because it's easier just to completely lie about what they voted against.

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Wow, John Kerry just got coddled to death by the fair and balanced ads of the Dubya 2004 campaign — it's a pity President Obama has so diverted from those high-minded days and has lowered himself to actually quoting what Mitt Romney says in context to slam him.

ifthethunderdontgetya April 30, 2012 at 7:16 pm

It's not like you can expect them to argue about cutting Social Security or spying on Americans without warrants, Kirsten.

After all, anyone who's anybody is for that stuff.
~

moseyon April 30, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Fact: President Obama did it. Enormous decision.
Fact: Romney will never know how he would have reacted.
It is so much easier to be wise after the event.
What give him the right to speak for Carter?

DemonicRage April 30, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Mittens meant to say that he would have FIRED Bin Laden. That's what he does: FIRE people. Somehow we are all going to get jobs, just by thinking about how successful Mittens was, and all those dead Concentration Camp people that his people baptized after they were dead. This will be a decade of high achievement!

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Oh, and for some real insight into Dubya's vision of reality (and yes, this is O/T by this point) here's a 2004 ad wherein freedom (such as it was) in Afghanistan and Iraq is represented by — athletic girls in swimsuits. I'm sure the decision to depict girls swimming instead of, say, a brown veiled woman with several kids speaking some frighteningly foreign-sounding language, was just a stylistic matter.

mavenmaven April 30, 2012 at 8:27 pm

coulda shoulda woulda.
loser.

MilwaukeeKent April 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I have no idea what Romney would have done about Bin Laden, probably nothing, but I'm reasonably sure that, if elected, he'd sell El Paso to Carlos Slim.

First line of a Donald Barthelme short story. "I bought a little city, it was El Paso, Texas."

ttommyunger April 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Mittens would have dispatched Ted Nugent to shoot UBL. 'Course, Ted would just shit himself again to get out of it. Mitt would have done it better, no question about it. Yeah, that's the ticket.

fuflans April 30, 2012 at 10:47 pm

but see the actual thing is actually bamz did it and no republican did it and certainly romney didn't do it.

but hey! war with out end amen.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:10 pm

2012 is just the political year from outer space, is it not? The far-left youth-backed Democratic candidate from 2008 is four years later taunting the Republican candidate for being soft on defense and murder.

'Bout damned time, if you ask me.

In a system where the government is almost completely paralyzed, this is what we're left to, and I'll enjoy while it lasts. Lest we forget, though, this current president has either reduced or at least consolidated our efforts in that area of the world while also taking out a terrorist mastermind in a targeted attack instead of expanding new, heavy-handed wars in that region. I'm just glad that I don't have to wonder before I turn on my TV, in the morning, if President Curious George got us into another ground war somewhere in Dumbfuckistan.

valthemus May 1, 2012 at 12:52 am

So he finally got around to pandering to the Carter haters and other aging John Birchers.

At this point, I'm just waiting for Romney to finally snap and start shouting, "HE'S A NEGRO!! HE'S A NEGRO!! NO BROWN IN THE WHITE HOUSE!! YOU HAVE TO VOTE FOR ME!!"

SolitaireRose May 1, 2012 at 9:07 am

Willard then said he thought it was dangerous for today's kids to be listening to the Dead Kennedys, watdching that Friday's show and having so much god damn mousse in their hair.

elviouslyqueer April 30, 2012 at 5:44 pm

MEANIE.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Den Haag libel !!1!

Angry_Marmot April 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Thas' cold, Man.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Vogon poetry now only the fourth worst poetry in the universe.

FlownOver April 30, 2012 at 6:35 pm

And the President, of course, can't send hundreds of thousands of troops off to fight without a Congressional declaration of war, because that power absolutely isn't in the Constitution.

How sweet.

iburl April 30, 2012 at 10:01 pm

It's hard to follow your twisted excuse-making for a bill so unconstitutional and offensive to our rights that Obama felt the need to write a bullshit "signing statement" promising not to do to us all the things that the law allows him, and any future Palin or Romney, to do to us, but maybe you got me. Maybe the loser would have to step foot out of the USA before this all happened.

FlownOver April 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Ode to a Large Wad of Green Paper I Found in My Pocket One Midsummer Morning,

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

And the Korean War is relevant to the NDAA… how?Less flippantly, though, if we're talking “hundreds of thousands of troops”, we're clearly Iraq/Afghanistan and not Libya, and Congress made its intent clear. The constitution doesn't specify a particular form of words for a declaration of war, and the AUMFs are close enough for a hand grenade.

FlownOver April 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Getting pretty snark-free around here, but…

If Congress doesn't have the guts to declare that a state of war exists, as it did 12/08/41, then the conduct of a WAR is extraconstitutional. Nuance it all you like.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm

It seems to me that history begs to differ. Congress has only used the word "war" in a declaration of war a total of 5 times, most recently on the date you cite. But it authorized, either explicitly with AUMF-style resolutions or implicitly by funding them, Korea, Vietnam, Lebanon (twice), Iraq (twice), Kosovo and Afghanistan. And that's only the post-WW2 conflicts, there's also the Barbary wars and the anti-slave military action. Then there's over a hundred other conflicts that Congress never gave even a wink and a nod to.

We can argue the constitutional significance of the word "war" versus the phrase "authorization to use military force" until we're blue in the face, but in no instance will we ever come close to proving that either Obama or even Dubya invented the concept of military engagement without a Congressional act or resolution using the phrase "declaration of war" in the title, or that the NDAA created legal authority for one.

iburl April 30, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Just because you didn't invent robbing banks doesn't make it OK to rob a bank.

Negropolis April 30, 2012 at 11:28 pm

Cakes we like, indeed, my friend.

sullivanst May 1, 2012 at 9:26 am

But if the cops have been watching you every step of the way doing the same thing repeatedly for 60 years, and saying "have a nice day" as you walk out the door, doesn't it become a little more reasonable to assume your actions are legal? Sounds more like making a withdrawal than robbing the bank by that point, don't you think?

iburl May 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Yes, that's how you and most people see the bank robbing.

sullivanst May 1, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Of course ultimately how I see and how you see it don't count for shit. How Congress sees it and how the Courts see it are what matters: Congress is happy enough that the conflict has been authorized (by them) that they continue to fund it and not impeach anyone; the Courts are happy enough that we're at war that they have upheld Executive assertions of war powers.

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