funny funny stuff

Rush Limbaugh: ‘All Hillary Is Is A Secretary’

Secretaries of State, Labor, Health, and Homeland Security, plus some chickSorry, bloated wormy trichinosis-filled pig anus Rush Limbaugh, but we prefer the term “administrative assistant” when you guffaw and chortle and all those other phlegm-rattling verbs that Hillary Clinton, the most powerful woman in the world besides the chick who wrote The Hunger Games and maybe Beyonce, is just a “secretary.” Hillz, doll, wouldja be sure to make Rush’s half-decaf this time, sweetie, while you’re going on that secretarial coffee run in between your other secretarial duties, like … hmmmm, what do secretaries of state do all day anyway? They file their nails, right? Collate things? Lots of collating. Blow jobs probably, if you are Secretary of State of Mad Men. (Also: always be bringing more ice.) Lessee what else? Nothing. There is nothing else a Secretary of State does besides some light phone work, nothing at all.

It is so funny that people make such wild claims about Rush Limbaugh being “sexist.” As if! He is the first to tell you, he opens doors for women and buys them whore diamonds! Here have some fun listening to Rush Limbaugh being roguish and raffish and all other manner of sexy adjectives that should make you wanna climb right up and take a ride on the Rushbo.

[MediaMatters]

Related video
Related

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

147 comments

  1. DrunkIrishman

    Rush Limbaugh is a boil on the ass of America. Someone pop it and force Ted Nugent to lick up all the puss that comes from his bloated, cellulite ass.

    1. KennyFuckingPowers

      That fuckin' gagged me! When a comment equals a mini hurl, it's well written. Not Pulitzer Prize stuff , but moving.

    2. Judith_Priest

      There is a giant difference between "pus" (the product of an infection) and "puss" (either a cat, an archaic term for "face", or a modern term for a lady's junk. ;->)

      And I'm not letting you NEAR me until you KNOW the difference!

  2. Callyson

    "Where is the defending America as a superpower?"

    Oh, I don't know…maybe taking out bin Laden (an actual threat to American security), for starters.

    Oh, whoops, I forgot, not supposed to mention that because it's giving credit to Obama, which is unfair in an election year, which is totally different than the W team going on and on about capturing Saddam (not an actual threat to American security) in 2004…

    Prick.

    1. V572 Is this him?

      Remember that arrogant, inflamed asshole Proconsul Paul Bremer, convening the press conference announcing Saddam's capture by crowing, "We got him!"?

    2. Blueb4sunrise

      Yes, I had to check to see if Flush actually said that.

      Maybe Hills doesn't stomp around screaming like a 3rd World Warlord about how badass we are because we're the only superpower, and everybody knows it.

      1. actor212

        I used to play football with a coach who's favorite saying about showing off was "act like you been there before."

        I think that might be one of the best pieces of life-advice I've ever heard.

        1. BerkeleyBear

          But the corollary to that, in my experience, is "unless you are my star, otherworldly gifted athlete. Then you can act the fool all you want, no matter what I claim is my life mantra."

  3. Goonemeritus

    It beginning to seem that Rush has his mind made up that he doesn’t like Democrats.

    1. soeoho

      Yes, a subtle but pervasive trend is beginning to show.
      How both his microphone and his head fit up there speaks volumes about what an ass he is.

      1. Judith_Priest

        And, in the absence of many sacks of whore diamonds, the feeling is apparently mutual. I don't know how the Dominican Rentboys feel about him, though. Shame no one has sent a fine journalist down there to scope that out.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Actually, I don't think Boss "I wasn't wrong, I was misinformed" BlunerRush really has any serious political beliefs.

      Remember he started off in radio in baseball. All he wants is to be famous and make money – and he'll say anything and do anything to accomplish those goals.

      His act wouldn't work pretending to be a progressive – we have no time for his ilk. The right wing nutz, however, being quite gullible, just eat it up.

  4. edgydrifter

    Krushchev was "just a secretary" too. Fucking useless pansy kept the Soviet launch codes in an embroidered purse, probably.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Nahhh, he kept them in that tasteful black pump, size 24, that he used to pound on the table at the UN.

      1. Judith_Priest

        Ah, I remember that as if 'twere yesterday! And I REALLY remember the excellent best-ever Mad Magazine parody of that whole situation, "East Side Story."

        One of the best things I ever read.

    1. V572 Is this him?

      Drug-addled, draft-dodging (ass boils!), sex-tourist disk jockey, to be more specific.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      I don't think he's smart enough to be a real disk jockey. He can talk, but I don't think he can talk and run the board at the same time.

      1. SolitaireRose

        He has shown repeatedly he can't talk up a record…or even know whose recording them since he keeps picking godless liberal drug addled bastards as his intro and extro music. Why can't he play some good music from CONSERVATIVE rock bands.

        Oh.

        That's right.

        Since Joey Ramone died, there aren't any.

      1. Beowoof

        Oh yeah science with all your fancy facts and stuff; common sense Americans know better than to buy that Ivory Tower bullshit, now where is my cellphone, and my flat screen to watch NASCAR No science in those things.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Wow — not only does Rush have no idea how old the world is, he insists that nobody has any idea either. This is the guy that millions of people get their information on climate change policy from.

    2. Tundra Grifter

      Did you ever hear the bit on Al Franken's Air America radio show where a Blackfoot Chief argues creation myths with Pat Robertson?

      Hilarious.

  5. sullivanst

    I'm sorry, Editrix, but I cannot obey your command.

    You see, I'm congenitally incapable of enjoying listening to Rush. He tri…sets off my gag reflex, my stab reflex, and my Van Gogh reflex.

      1. sullivanst

        It's not me that has a problem with the stabbing, but it's me that would suffer the consequences.

  6. MarionNYNY

    Poor Rush. He lives in a world where students of the female gender are "coeds," and he doesn't understand the difference between a high level cabinet post and a receptionist. The internet is a mystery to him, and he now has to rely on a neighbor's kid to show him how to work the new remote.

    1. io9k9s

      He probably doesn't even spot the kid a fiver for the trouble, because he is too cheap to have a tech guy on call…

    2. ChessieNefercat

      What neighbor would let their kid go over to Rush's house to show him "how to work (oh, yeah, baby) the new remote"?!

  7. SayItWithWookies

    And yet the previous person to hold that mere secretarial position couldn't do it without authorizing war crimes, promoting an illegal invasion for no reason, get completely shoved around and manipulated by Rumsfeld and Cheney or get spotted buying Pradas on the day an entire American city was drowning.

    I guess the reason he's criticizing Hillary is that when one is competent, she makes the job look easy.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Judging from Rush's moronic Dittohead followers, I'd be surprised if he made it past 3rd grade.

    2. sullivanst

      Perhaps we're supposed to be impressed by how much more sophisticated than usual he's being.

    3. Rotundo_

      Watch what you say abouth those with an 8th grade education; I've known dozens of them that could intellectually tower over Limbaugh and most of the conservative commentariat. Rusty is an asshole, and that cannot be overcome by education to any degree.

  8. WunkRocker

    Hillz is just a secretary, she's not big enough to be an actual state like bloated dominican ladyboy-n-pills aficionado turd geography feature that is Limbaughistan.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      I think Rush's tits are as big as Christina Hendrix's – of course, that's where the similarity ends….

  9. YasserArraFeck

    In that pic of Rush above, he's looking disturbingly like The Donald – without the hair, of course…..of course, all RepubliTard Blowhards all start to look alike after a while – when you've stood in enough dog turds, you cease to care what breed of arse they came out of.

  10. mavenmaven

    Let's be honest. What does Limbaugh actually know about government or anything? He didn't finish college, didn't serve in the military, and never held elected office. He just pulls "ideas" out of his gnarly cysted ass.

    1. Rotundo_

      I don't think a degree, service in the military or having held elected office is required to understand it. I think Rusty actually does understand it and is actively disinforming (propagandizing? bullshitting?) his listening audience. Any talented shock jock can do what he does (pre-loaded with horseshit from the Heritage Foundation or some other winger think tan). Stern could have gone there if he wanted to years ago, any of them could, Rusty just had a head start on them all.

    2. HistoriCat

      Despite never having held elected office, he calls the shots in the Republican party. Any Repub politician who contradicts or criticizes him is apologizing within 24 hours.

  11. ph7

    Rush can't help feeding the narrative that's gonna score Obama 65% of the women's vote. Rush knows this, too, but he can't help himself. He's trapped in a box. I love it.

  12. smokefilledroommate

    And Rush at his pinnacle was a fat ass oxycontin-addicted misogynist diarrhea-of-the-mouth douchebag ass pustule. Oh wait, I guess he's still continuing at his 'pinnacle' minus the drugs. Way to go.

    1. Judith_Priest

      "minus the drugs"???

      I don't believe that for an instant.
      Addictions are difficult, even for people of good intentions and excellent character, to kick.

      He's just found a safer way to cop. Bet you anything.

  13. Trannysurprise

    Every time he makes some shitty comment about a woman it makes me wonder how many years it's been since his stubby fat fingers could reach his tiny shriveled cock.

    1. JustPixelz

      I'll just assume you know his cock is tiny and shriveled because you … um … you … um …. GOT IT! You started with normal size, then subtracted the over-compensating cigar.

  14. SheriffRoscoe

    This segment of the Rush Limbaugh show is proudly sponsored by Micoxafloppin brand male enhancement pills…..cheaper than Viagra, and without all the stigma.

        1. sullivanst

          Kinda like nuclear power vs. nuclear explosion, it takes a lot more to maintain a habit than to asphyxiate yourself on the vomit with which you've been poisoning American discourse your entire "professional" life.

  15. actor212

    Now now, let's give Rush a little love. After all, it must be hard to be relegated to the lowest depths of irrelevancy by the very party who touted you as one of their own just twenty years ago, but now can't even field a candidate who can beat a minority President with approval ratings hovering in Bush territories.

      1. Judith_Priest

        That's Southron for "fuck you and the horse you rode in on", right?

        When I was briefly forced to spend time with the patrician southern wives of my husband's coworkers, that's how THEY used it! To me.

  16. lefty74

    Any chance in hell this lump of shit can catch Breitbart's disease?
    It would be like a giant flush of the toilet.

  17. niblick77

    Oops, there it is! Oops, there it is! Oops, there it is! ……is what rush says when he sees his big rump in his peripheral vision.

  18. FakaktaSouth

    Oh for fuck's sake, he's just being obvious now. He's like the drunk girl at the party, all crying "notice me, look at me, talk about me, make me relevant…" blah blah he's not even terribly creative anymore. Maybe he really IS off the drugs, and he really was just BETTER with a little something extra, like how Eric Clapton (I kinda think) was better when he was on the Horse. You're boring now, Rush, sorry.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      Come to think of it, you're right. This is classic attention-whoring behavior. Like Brisket or Snowbilly, only with more chronic obesity.

  19. Eve8Apples

    Rush decided he doesn't need sponsors on his show.

    His Oxycontin tells him he can go it alone. A guy as brilliant as Rush doesn't need corporate money to stay on the air.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yeah, and from what I've heard Donny Rumsfeld wasn't just a Secretary, he was a Secretary too, especially when Dick Cheney was around.

  20. johnnymeatworth

    This is why Nixon got so frustrated with Kissinger–he wouldn't wear the short skirt and bend over for the dropped pencils like William P. Rogers would.

    1. Judith_Priest

      OW!!! You hurt me! That was hysterical. Too bad only us over-60s got it.

  21. JustPixelz

    Man, if Hillary Clinton is "just a secretary", imagine what The Blob thought of Condolezza Rice. A blah secretary. An unmarried*, childless**, blah secretary. That makes her pretty much just the Maid of the Missed to him.
    __________________________________
    * her boyfriend wouldn't divorce Laura
    ** used birth control = slut, prostitute

  22. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    He can say this, of course, because his secretary is blah… and is also his best friend.

  23. Pop_Socket

    Rush is doing this all wrong. Making fun of women will never get him fired. He needs to talk to The Greaseman and Don Imus about how to really get fired from a radio show.

    1. sullivanst

      I'd rather think of the end of The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover than picture that.

  24. Mumbletypeg

    Marginally related: earlier today I was trying to find who was the first woman to be the chief meteorologist of any ensemble that typically makes up the local "tv news personalities." I was thinking of my kindergarten buddy whose mom, as it was known back then was "the weather lady" for one of the networks. And she did look and dress like a model, while giving the forecast. When she'd arrive instead of Dad to pick up her daughter on those rare occasions it was like a celebrity was in the room.
    That was 35 years ago; I can think of one female sports anchor on a local station that came & went and I have seen women "occupy" the weather teams at some intervals, but never seen a woman in the role of chief meteorologist.
    So far this is the only thing popping up on Google, and while a considerable accomplishment — she was the first woman to earn PhD in meteorology, overcoming much resistance and discrimination to become recognized widely for her research and academic contributions — my guess is that even with proven brains and camera-friendly looks there is still a long way to go til a woman is visibly acknowledged before a broad audience as overseeing the efforts of a team of "weathermen." EDIT- maybe someone else can show me where in their locale it's already been done?

      1. sullivanst

        No mention that she was bestowed the title "Chief Meteorologist" there, though, only "weather girl".

        As a google query, first-female-chief-meteorologist is unhelpfully producing stacks of first-in-the-locality hits: Tammy Souza in Tampa Bay (2008); Kristine Kahanek in Dallas (2002); Amy Freeze in Chicago (2007); Terri Bennett in the Carolinas (1997?).

        While Dr. Simpson may not have been considered by a TV station to be their chief meteorologist, her NASA credentials ("Chief Scientist for Meteorology at Goddard Space Flight Center") are far more impressive than a TV title.

  25. Dashboard Buddha

    OT – But I saw this in the comment section of the video I just posted:

    "You have owners,the big corps. The big corps provide you with your life, don't hate them. You would die without them. "

    What.the.fuck? Really…that explains the wave after wave of death that stalked the land before someone with vision invented the corporation.

  26. spareme

    Oh hell, let Jabba the Hut keeping spitting out all that vile against us wimmens, let him keep pissing us all off. Paid back is hell, fatman.

  27. fuflans

    my favorite line from whcd was:

    "just to clear things up for the extreme right-wingers, here’s the difference between Bill Maher and Rush Limbaugh: the people who watch Bill Maher know he’s an asshole.”

  28. Wonderthing

    Hillary, take a letter. From inside my pants. Haw haw haw. Hey, everybody knows that a woman is just a breast, vaj, and brown-eye delivery system. The mouth's only a bonus for you know what. Haw haw haw.

  29. miss_grundy

    Just once, I wish someone would punch this turd in the adam's apple so he would suffocate to death. Or that his studio would be hit by a missile. Or that he would be caught with a rentboy so that he would lose his gig due to the morals clause in his contract.

  30. ttommyunger

    "Rush will have an audience as long as he keeps saying things that middle-aged men in pickup trucks want to hear." Stephanie Miller, "The Stephanie Miller Show", Current TV (Channel 358 on DirecTV).

  31. Negropolis

    And, after all these years, Rush, all you are is a little whore-slut, you piggy, little bastard.

    Needless to say that I wouldn't ride Rushbo if he happened to be pulling the last train to Los Angeles.

Comments are closed.