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Will you go if we send you 30,000 emails a day promising that George Clooney will be there?

Hooray, tomorrow is Kleptocracy Sucks Day! This, of course, is every day, but tomorrow Occupy Wall Street and labor unions are organizing actions all across the country for May Day to call attention to the crushing economic injustice forcing millions of unemployed, underemployed or over-employed “part-time” workers with multiple underpaid jobs to turn on their teevees and their YouTubes at night and get a lecture from Mitt Romney on how much their jealousy of his wealth offends him while President Hope runs off to drone bomb another crowd of women and children attending a funeral in Pakistan, for freedom. The best advice here is to actually go to one of these events if you want to know what is happening, since the odds are good that Wednesday’s newspapers are going to be plastered with pictures of kittens instead of actual news reports on the protests. How will America’s corporate news outlets manage coverage this time?

For some idea, we can perhaps look at the instance from last fall where instead of a picture of New York City councilmember Ydanis Rodriguez being brutalized by the NYPD, a news editor instead chose to run a photo of that same councilmember having a friendly conversation with cops, since that is more newsworthy! This latter editorial decision, made by bland irrelevant periodical Time Magazine, is now the subject of a lawsuit being brought by several NYC city council members who discovered the decision to run the less inflammatory photo was made at the city’s request, hahahaha. And Time allegedly listened!

From Gothamist:

Attorney Leo Glickman, who represented Councilmember [Ydanis] Rodriguez after the arrest, tells us, “That night [of Rodriguez’s arrest] we saw on Time magazine’s website photographs of the story, with Ydanis being held down by police in riot gear. We sent the link around, and then noticed that within hours it was changed. A source at Time Magazine told us that someone called from the city asking them to change it because it was inflammatory. It was replaced by a very innocuous photo of Ydanis speaking to a police officer about something completely unrelated. This lawsuit will set out to prove that the city pressured Time magazine to remove the photo.”

This is what you will see on the news, tomorrow. Kittens and reassuring images of elected officials speaking cordially with their cops — all is well in America!

But banks know better! The panicky overlords have been trying to figure out how to handle this national expression of disgust since January according to this Bloomberg News report, which they will accomplish by “working with one another and police to gather intelligence” on protesters and has been helpfully framed as, uh, a war on the new terrorists, America’s evil struggling workers:

Spokesmen for Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan, Bank of America, Citigroup Inc. (C), Morgan Stanley (MS), UBS AG (UBSN) and Credit Suisse Group AG (CSGN) wouldn’t describe security measures for the protests. One likened commenting to telling al-Qaeda about the bank’s continuity plans.

Should be fun! Don’t forget to send us your pictures, stories, etc. [Gothamist/Bloomberg]

Beautiful May Day poster by Hugh D’Andrade. Visit him on Flickr!

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  • EatsBabyDingos

    The Chamberpot of Commerce does not approve.

    • mrpuma2u

      I will be in the streets of Chicago, if I get arrested/pepper sprayed/accosted by a naked Rahm Emmanuel in my shower I will submit my story to be a wonkette exclusive. Balls, also.

  • Nothing is easier than not covering something. Besides, celebrities!

    • WunkRocker

      Wheel out Courtney Lohan fer cristsakes.

    • Beowoof

      I was thinking the Kardashians are going to fart on live TV while Lindsay is blowing a couple of guys in the background. Follow up with Nancy Grace covering some case where she has some poor bastard convicted and headed to the chair, prior to the first commercial break. (No Evidence Nancy is awesome at that shit).

    • cheetojeebus
  • Callyson

    Banks cooperating on surveillance are like elk fending off wolves in Yellowstone National Park, he said. While other animals try in vain to sprint away alone, elk survive attacks by forming a ring together, he said.

    Elk libel!!!

    • SorosBot

      Analogy fail; the banks are the predators and the people protesting are their victims.

      • sullivanst

        Hence, "libel" ;)

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Maybe someone will go behind a hedge and take a poop. FOX reports, you decide if the lazy hippies should be leaving their poop everywhere.

    • MissTaken

      Today I saw a homeless man go behind a hedge fund and take a poop. Does that count?

      • Now hang on a moment! Mitt has THREE houses! How dare you call him "homeless" before November 6????

    • Unless it's in Florida, of course.

      • Beowoof

        Nice, I bet the those sweet sweet household chemicals will have no effect on future generations of fresh produce and orange lovers. Celery with drano anyone.

    • horsedreamer_1

      How European! Saw a preteen Gypsy drop a two on the garden beside Bulevardul 1 Decembrie in Deva, Romania, around Christmas 2002.

  • I have the feeling this will get as much coverage as the International Jazz Day .

    • On NPR, today was International Jazz Day. I get the feeling on Fox it was International Beware of Darkie Jazzmen and Their Reefers Day.

  • SorosBot

    But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. Time Magazine had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother!

    • V572 Is this him?

      That's very good. But Time has always sucked the dicks of the powerful.

    • Negropolis

      That was doubeleplusgood! We have always been at war with hippies.

  • ChernobylSoup

    I thought America's salute to the workers was moved to that Mattress Sale Day in September.

  • Antispandex

    Everyone knows that May Day isn't for pro worker stuff. It's the time of year when closeted Republicans get out there fancy clothes and go trolling for a Maypole to prance around. It's the only thing endearing about them.

    • Oh, the Bohemian Grove is open?

    • Beowoof

      Prior prancing events have taken place at the Minneapolis Airport and various Denny's around Denver. The may need some meth to keep the energy up.

  • CivicHoliday

    It isn't censorship if it is for your own good. Nothing to see here…

  • Callyson

    “When you portray a position of weakness, it invites attack,” said McNary, the Pinkerton director. “They don’t want to provide the perception that they’re hunkering down behind their bulwarks and putting up big walls.”

    No, actually, what "invites attack" is bankers acting like cowboys, playing around with Main Street's pensions, and getting away with the destruction that their grossly under-regulated activities caused, while Main Street pays the costs…

    Assholes.

    • sewollef

      How very mildly rebuking of you.

      Personally I could go further. Much further.

  • redarmyzombie

    So placard carrying and peaceful protest=blowing up women and children now?

    Miss Editrix, does this mean we're in violation of Commenting Rule #2?

    • SorosBot

      Now? It's always been that way; if you read about the 60s J. Edgar Hoover thought the same thing about the Civil Rights and anti-war movements.

      • DustBowlBlues

        MLK's coverage in the news of that time changed once he started saying it was wrong to send poor, black kidsg off to the war while the affluent ones could buy college tuition. (Or do it the Newt way. Get married and knock her up every time Uncle lowered his family-values to draft family men.)

        MLK was in Memphis in the first place because he was supporting an AFSCME garbage workers strike. Notice how the coverage of King never entions the fact that he was taking on corporate bullshit? No? Let's remember the Freedom Riders instead, because that's the version of history that has a happy ending.

        • SorosBot

          No, MLK was just a Civil Rights protestor and never had anything to say about class or war; and after the passage of the Civil and Voting Rights Acts racism in America ended forever, and if you think anyone is ever racist against non-white people today you are the real racist.

  • AlterNewt

    As one of David Rockefeller's henchmen was once heard to say:

    "Hey, the sheep bleat when they're fleeced. Doesn't mean anything."

  • Radiotherapy

    I heard Radiohead is going to have a moment of silence!

    • DaRooster

      That would be best!

    • sewollef

      I'd prefer Ted Nugent to have a decade of silence.

    • bagofmice

      Nah, that was John cage you heard about. Apparently moments are roughly four and a Half minutes long.

  • StarsUponThars

    When did May Day turn into a shitfest? Used to be, the pagans gathered around and made little flower baskets to leave on their neighbors' doorsteps. Now we got pissed-off disenfranchised types yelling at the richies. Unlike.

    • V572 Is this him?

      US America's "Labor Day" was created to divert attention from the rest of the world's May Day, which is really International Workers' Day, than which nothing could be scarier to a banker.

  • MissTaken

    Dammit, I put away my Festivus pole in December. Now I need to find something else to spin a ribbon around.

    • Chichikovovich

      Huh. Fourteen minutes and counting, and still Sorosbot hasn't taken the bait. I hope he's OK.

      • DaRooster

        He's busy…

    • anniegetyerfun

      I thought you and Sorosbot had some sort of arrangement?

      • SorosBot

        Well it's not a ribbon and spinning is the wrong way to put the thing on…

        • anniegetyerfun

          Threaded. For her pleasure.

        • Don't tell ME how to have a good time!

  • May Day: may cover it, may not.

  • In this case, it would be nice if the media DID their jobs on General Strike Day.

    • Beowoof

      Well I am sure they will all be talking about how the President said, pit bulls are delicious, all day on Fox News so they are working hard ginning up false controversy.

  • bumfug

    "Massive demonstrations today have…wait, breaking news…I'm being told that the bullied dolphin has been returned to the sea. We go now to live coverage…"

    • SheriffRoscoe

      "Yes, Wolf, I understand that they're using mackerel to lure the dolphin, perhaps as many as hundreds of mackerel. Wait, no, I'm hearing that mackerel is not involved in the rescue effort…..they're using herring. Stand by, Wolf, we are trying to get a confirmation on that…."

      • "Pardon me for interrupting, Wolf, but this is really important news: Kim Kardashian has just tweeted an urgent plea to the dolphin to follow the mackerel! We go now live to Kardashian headquarters where Karen Jenner is about to give a press conference to introduce Khloe who will help Kourtney bring up Kim's Twitter page. What tireless and humble public servants this family is…"

        • GOPCrusher

          And on Fox News, Frank Luntz reports that 137% of the American public agree that the President hates dolphins.

    • Antispandex

      " Wolf, I'm going to have to break in here…Yes, it seems…right, we have confirmed that Paris Hilton has just picked a new B.F.F…..and we are going live to Brentwood now…"

  • A source at Time Magazine told us that someone called from the city asking them to change it because it was inflammatory.

    Like a hemmorhoid on Bloomie's rectum…

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh, there'll be plenty of coverage — Glenn Beck will be covering how the May Day protesters are funded by the Muslim Brotherhood as part of President Obama's secret second-term agenda to wipe out capitalism and enact Sharia law; Rush will be covering how dirty and frightening the protesters are and what kind of violence happened at any number of protests any other places and times that turned violent; and Sean Assity will be covering how the protesters said some unseemly chant, want to confiscate wealth from the job creators and will get a man-on-the-street answer from someone who says something stupid. So they'll be all over it.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I was gonna go on strike tomorrow but my boss wouldnt give me the day off.

    • GOPCrusher

      I plan on sitting at my desk and shouting "DOWN WITH THE OLIGARCHS!" at random times during the work day.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        No one in my office would know what that means. They would think I was playing World of Warcraft or something.

  • IncenseDebate

    Speak Cordially With a Cop Day is in October.

    • fuflans

      right after speak like a pirate day.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Coincidentally, that shares a date with "getting pepper sprayed in the face" day.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Why would any news organization cover May Day. Haven't you been paying attention? There are no workers left in America, only Job Creators. When will we have a day celebrating that?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    My guess for headlines in my local paper

    Seattle times: more pics of that bunker dude who killed family/self and pics of workers painting space needle for 50th birthday party.

    Seattle PI website: something about hot chicks preferably on bikinis and/or cute animal story/video. Maybe baby sea otter at the aquarium pooped or something adorable.

  • “That night [of Rodriguez's arrest] we saw on Time magazine’s website photographs of the story, with Ydanis being held down by police in riot gear. "

    Arresting City Council members of color is just one of those New York City traditions, like waiting "on line."

  • anniegetyerfun

    My guess is that the majority of coverage will involve complaints about how protests have gnarled traffic.

  • "I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half. "

    – Jay Gould, US financier & railroad businessman (Robber Baron)

    Nowadays, we don't need jerb creators like Jay Gould to worry about spending their profits on such a project.

    This is why we have the Department of Homeland Security, the NSA, and our warren terror-weaponized local police forces.
    ~

    • HistoriCat

      It's a fine tradition for the government to help out the job creators..

  • Chichikovovich

    Didn't you guys hear? Congress passed a bill last month naming May 1 "Taft-Hartley Day".

  • Guppy

    One likened commenting to telling al-Qaeda about the bank’s continuity plans.

    You mean the super secret plan that involves fees, interest rates and foreclosures lining the pockets of the like of Mitt Romney?

    • tejanojim

      Yup. The Babylonian con is still pretty much the only con.

  • ingloriousbytch

    I assume they'll use the same tactics they did to ignore the War on Women protests this past weekend.

  • Lazy Media

    Hey, I'm all down with worker empowerment, but if you think the kind of commies who participate in Labor Day "general strikes" have ANYTHING to do with actual working people, you need to spend more time off college campuses. And if unions hadn't been such corrupt, mob-run corporate stooges in the '60s, they probably would have more members today.

    No, I'm not the ghost of a Nixon voter. It's just that I remember the '70s, when it was basically impossible to get work in a union factory unless you were related to someone who knew somebody in the union, because you couldn't work there without a union card, and you couldn't GET a union card unless you worked there. I would have LOVED to work for the Newspaper Guild, but they couldn't be bothered to try to organize reporters in right-to-work states, because they were too busy protecting the six-figure salaries of Guild "workers" at major metro dailies in the Northeast.

    • You do sort of realize that the unions you're whining about got you, like, a five day work week and two weeks' vacation and paid sick time for your non-union job, right?

      Cuz, even if you don't work union, you get a lot of the benefits, and for that alone, you ought to walk tomorrow.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      What nonsense. Perhaps if unions hadn't faced thirty years of government and corporate union bashing they might have more members today. We've reached a point now where some businesses are so stupidly run that they'll piss away their own stockholder's money so they can score points against unions, even if doing so ends up costing more in the long run, as witness Boeing with their shiny new South Carolina production line and their completely fucked up production schedule for the 787 which was designed in part to shift work from the Seattle area and the IAM to non union workers. How's that working out for you Boeing? How far behind are you on the 787, and please don't try to blame the delays on the new technology that the 787 is implementing. The 747 was every bit as revolutionary as the 787 and was built with union labor and met it's schedule.

      Seriously dude, your comment reminds me of that column that loser at the Daily Callboy wrote about how it was OK for him to be a racist now because his bike got stolen and the thief might have been blah.

  • Nesnora

    All I know is that no matter what happens tomorrow, someone is going to shit on the subway.

    • sewollef

      And it'll be the N-Train. Guaranteed.

  • fuflans

    i would go pretty much anywhere if you promised me george clooney.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    How Will Media Totally Avoid Useful News Coverage of May Day Protests?

    Three words: "Missing White Woman."

  • crybabyboehner

    Two words: Kardashian ass.

    • Negropolis

      Kardashian ass is so 2011.

  • C_R_Eature
  • OurDailyBread

    Madame LaFarge, where are your knitting needles?

  • tejanojim

    [music plays]
    DNC: "Who's the Drone King?"
    Obama: "I'm the Drone King!"
    [dance break]

  • ttommyunger

    The Internet vs. the Corporate Media. That is the struggle to watch in America…

  • chitrade

    All of you comsymps can stifle it right now. May 1st is Law Day. Always has been.

    Now get back to work!

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