Bristol Palin’s blog ghostwriter has some important thoughts she would like to share, regarding whether Sarah Palin was a terrible horrible no-good very-bad choice for vice president and whether Mitt Romney should be as stupid as John McCain was. (No. Yes.) First, she totally links to TalkingPointsMemo, because that is a thing among all of them that Bristol Palin reads. Then Bristol Palin blows your mindby unaccountably claiming that Barack Obama did not invent the Recession even though he was president from 2000 to 2008. WHAT? Read it and weep, bitchez.
Then the economy melted down. You could feel people’s fear. You could see it in their eyes on the trail. McCain suspended his campaign to rush back to Washington to deal with the crisis. A lot of people criticized him, but he did what he thought was right. And guess what, the economy was melting down while Republicans were in charge.
Well that is a bizarrely true but off-message thing, Bristol Palin’s ghostwriter! Anything to add?
I honestly don’t think any Republican candidate could’ve beaten Obama in 2008. It was the Democrats’ moment.
But 2012 is a Republican moment. Whomever Governor Romney picks will be better qualified to run the country than our current President. And this time around, we’re not running against the hard-to-pin-down “hope and change,” we’re running against a President who can’t stop rising gas prices, much less rising oceans.
Please.
Mom answered the call to serve her country, energized the base, and inspired millions. Plus, she did it with good humor and grace. I don’t know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do.
The economy was collapsing, and the Democrats had nominated “The One.” My mom worked wonders, and it was such a joy watching her connect with Americans from coast to coast. But she could not work miracles.
It’s been four years now since Senator McCain selected my mom, and he made the right choice. Who will Governor Romney select as his running mate? Well, we’ve still got several months before we find out.
Whom could Romney choose that would really inspire the base in a super game-changing way? Someone beloved, revered, totally hip and au courant? We nominate Andrew Breitbart’s Ghost. [Bristol'sBlog]
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Mitt Romney will stop the rising oceans with his totally unexpected VP pick, Al Gore.
unless Al actually falls into the ocean – then I predict a catastrophic worldwide rise in sea level. The Global Bath Tub Will Spilleth Over, so to speak.
Or he could pick Newt Gingrich, who, like the first of the five Chinese Brothers, could simply swallow the ocean.
In a country full of fat dopey bastards who are too ignorant to vote in their own interests, she is their leader. Nothing horrible about that at all.
Where "horrible" is defined as "excellent, really," sure.
Ironically, Bristol couldn't even be bothered to actually cast her vote for her mom. Too enraptured by her mom's performance on the trail I guess. . .
We need to take the distinction of the North Star away from this woman. She's co-opted our State's better known identifier. She's a brown dwarf at best, in that candidates for brown dwarfs too often fail to live up to their candidacy. They are substellar in nature. With the lithium (litmus) test, many turn out to be stellar objects and not true brown dwarfs. When still young (a billion years) brown dwarfs can have temperatures and luminosities similar to some stars. Stars will burn lithium in a little over 100 Myr, at most, while most brown dwarfs will never acquire high enough core temperatures to do so.
Sarah performed, kind of like a "star" at her introduction, but never acquired enough of the stuff to qualify her as a viable candidate, but who Bristol maintains, would make an awesome President.
I love this explanation. She spun off too much hot gas at the start, and is now just too dense and collapsed to achieve her full potential as a star.
Perfect.
Is this a "trial" column or are Bristol and words just doing it?
I think they're at the "hand job" stage.
Was this her entry in a middle school essay contest or something? Why would she think anybody cares about her opinion on this (or any other) subject?
From what I hear, she made a lot of money as a political consultant.
The people that voted for her on Dancing With The Stars.
My mom totally would have made a good Veep choice for McCain, too. Also. Plus, she wouldn't have ripped off the RNC for $15,000 in schwag and totes my dad would have been sexier than Todd Palin.
Of course, they were both OLDER than McCain, and my dad was dead already, but hey! I'm still right!
Mom answered the call to serve her country
Totes not going here…just not.
It was actually one order of magnitude higheron the schwag meter
Mom had modest tastes.
Bristol Palin can probably see her arse from the front porch of her mom's house.
I know I can.
Wut's she doin' out there, dood?
If you Google map Wasilla, by all means, make sure you are NOT in satellite mode.
What? There's Fishhooks, Parks Highway, and Meadow Lakes and…O! M! G!
What the hell is that????
? I don't get it …
Oh. Maybe she got in her car…
Serve out the rest of her term as governor of Alaska?
Hey now! She said "serve her country," not "do her job"!
Omigod! "To serve her country" is a cookbook!
Teach her children to use condoms?
Look at a globe? Read a paper? So many things…
"All of 'em, Katie."
"…we’re not running against the hard-to-pin-down “hope and change,”
Hope and change is not that hard to pin down-
"Get rid of these fucking murderous, lying, money hungry Bastards" pretty much sums it up.
Why bother with "pin him down" – string him up – he's an uppity blah, fer gods sake!!
Jesus! Just hearing that always makes me so nervous, goddammit.
You know – you're right. Even in snark/jest, it's unfunny. I'll tone it down in future.
No, no, I didn't mean it that way! I meant that's exactly what they mean by nearly everything they say to this President, and the hatred is so blatant and glaring, it just gives me the chills. Not your fault, no blame. It is what is.
Besides, what is snark without Teh Edgy?
"Believe in America" is Romney's slogan. I am overwhelmed by its specificity.
"Country First" was McCain/Palin's. It specifically says "country", thereby excluding those urban people and "first", which is like a number.
Dubya: "Yes America Can!". Not "maybe".
Warren G. Harding: "Cox and Cocktails". That is a little too specific, if you ask me.
The President's new campaign video is entitled "Forward" and doesn't reference Mitt Rmoney at all. This can only means that he wants to continue the War on Religion, assault on the Real Americans, and fundamentally change America.
And he's coming for your guns. Don't forget the taking of the guns.
Whomever Governor Romney picks will be better qualified to run the country than our current President.
Really?
Cuz, um, you know, unless you're going to pick someone who actually has been President for five or more years, you can't get more qualified than a guy who's done it for four…
They DO teach Civics in Wasilla High, or did you miss the class on Government?
Bristol was pregnant that day.
Again? Did she have a note from home???
"My girl's dumb. Please excuse her."
~Sarah P.
It was probably more like that Gary Larson cartoon "Teacher, may I be excused? My brain is full."
Dick Cheney is available.
Do NOT even THINK that thought.
It's shocking to learn that the Palin ladies have such a weak understanding of the Vice President's responsibilities. In fact it was Panamanian strongman Juan McCain who said, "The vice president has two duties. One is to inquire daily as to the health of the president, and the other is to attend the funerals of third world dictators. And neither of those do I find an enjoyable exercise."
"My mom worked wonders" = "My mom grifted as hard as she could."
Maybe she means she took a pudgy teenager who wouldn't have amounted to warm spit on a cold Alaskan night and would've ended up married to a low-minor league hockey player/sausage factory worker, grinding out babies just like mom and turned her into a national
jokecelebrity and oh by the way, got the hockey player a centerfold spread?You got to admit, she turned confident know-nothingness into a $12 million dollar enterprise.
I guess no one's told Bristol that McCain probably might have easily won that election against the black guy if he hadn't picked a veep that was so clearly a divisive incompetent airhead.
Nah, I cut her some slack there, he still stood a chance.
McCain completely lost the campaign when he suspended to go solve the economic crisis and did nothing.
mccain completely lost the campaign when lehman declared bankruptcy.
but alaska grifter didn't help.
I can see 2008 from my back porch!
In my wildest dreams I couldn't think of a better way to nail down a re-election.
I don’t know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do.
Oh, I don't know…maybe she should have known that Africa is a continent, not a country? Perhaps be able to give the names of some of the news sources she consults when Katie Couric asks about them (how pissed must FOX have been about that omission BTW)?
But I agree with Bristol on one point: by losing, Saint Sarah did indeed serve her country…
My dog peed on the carpet. I don't know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do.
(also, learn some fucking grammar Snowbilly Jr)
THANK YOU! I didn't want to be a grammar Nazi but that 'could've be' was just driving me up the wall. (Among 5,324 other things just in the quotes above. If I click through and read the whole thing I might have to jump off the Eiffel tower).
Now, now. Let's look to the future, and not spend our days wistfully wondering what could've be.
I think could've be will been our future inside joke.
Oh,hell to the yeah. We should be GRATEFUL to that miserable twit that we had her to kick around for, what, six years now? Also, too, if she hadn't dragged McCain down like the proverbial albatross about the neck, he might have (shudder) won. Imagine that senile, warmongering old fart in charge of the past four years of *extremely delicate* foreign policy negotiations.
I'm'a head back to bed now with a bottle of Nyquil and a bottle of wine, and wait till the urpy feeling passes.
Uhm, yeah, on that tonic, the "urpy" will pass out of your gut and onto your sheets.
Thanks for caring, brah. I found some leftover Big Buddha and decided to go with the mellower solution, instead. Man, that Nyquil shit is NASTY.
A VP who can bring down gas prices? Sure, why not.
Romney / Texaco 2012
A VP who can bring down gas prices? Sure, why not.
Romney/Algae 2012
That means at least *one* empathetic entity on the ticket. Because Rmoney is just $lime.
Hm. You have a point. He might not want someone with as much charisma as algae….
Algae could power the next technological revolution!
The only thing Mint Rmoney could power issszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …
The logical conclusion is that Rmoney choose Palin as his VP; I for one wouldn't object.
Of course, we are talking sci-fi here, but awdamn that would be awesome.
"My mom worked wonders, and it was such a joy watching her connect with Americans from coast to coast. But she could not work miracles."
Well, to her credit, I don't think anyone could work the miracle of raising the collective IQ of Palin's supporters.
"connect with Americans" = "grift from dumb Americans"
"But she could not work miracles" = "some of those idiots couldn't remember to sign their checks"
"But she could not work miracles"=the people that looked at Bible Spice with that WTF? look on their face when she spoke.
"It’s been four years now since Senator McCain selected my mom, and he made the right choice."
Steve Schmidt rolls eyes.
Woody Harrelson cashes check.
Certainly changed my perspective on damn near everything. How could I have been sooo wrong. Sooo ashamed.
I can still see Russia when I look through her ear though.
Palin's cranium, emptier than the Steppes in winter
Rmoney / Hologram Breitbart 2012!
I'd like to know how Hologram Riley Waggaman feels about that.
Or Riley 1.0 for that matter.
BigCalifornia.com… Knows how to party.
Our platform:
"STOP RAAAAAAPING PEOPLE!!!! STOP RAAAAAPING PEOPLE! YOU *FILTHY* *MURDERING* FREEEEEEEAKS!"
Gas prices have gone down, Bristol ghost-writer. Please keep up.
I nominate BP as Mittens VP, because they can do something about the rising oceans, like dump oil in it and then dump some unknown chemical stuffs in it, and wah-la! Instant islands formed out of the rotting corpses of all those eyeless shrimps!
How desperate a "writer" do you have to be to take this gig? And do you put it on your résumé?
Gas prices didn't go down because of Obama, but in spite of him.
(Yeah, I don't know how that actually works, either)
If this were Jersey Shore, Sarah Palin would have been an awesome pick. US America isn't totally Jersey Shore… yet… so no.
We're so close to Jersey Shore I can smell it.
~
we’re running against a President who can’t stop rising gas prices, much less rising oceans.
So Bristol acknowledges Global Warming? Wow!
"So Bristol acknowledges Global Warming? Wow!"
That's what I read too. Hmmmm. How long before her Mom corrects that slit…I mean, slip.
She's in SOOOO much trouble for that, and also, too, for admitting the economic meltdown happened under RePUBLICANZ!
I would imagine that she should expect a phone call from Rush Limbaugh at any moment.
In all fairness, she probably doesn't have a clue WTF Rush Limbaugh is.
Yes, evidently she does admit to Global Warming and also too, one wonders if she meant to use rising as a verb or an adjective.
LOSER OBAMA NOT KING CANUTE (Vote Romney!)
Nuh-uh, Editrix. You might look hot in a stretchy tee (mmm, boobies!), but even YOU can't get me to visit Bristol's TwatteringsBlog.
You might look hot in a stretchy tee
(citation needed – please)
Scroll down ALLLLL the way to the bottom: Do I lie?
The things I do for you sluts.
You do not lie. Not that I doubted you … I just wanted to see evidence for myself. For the sake of completeness. Yeah.
Oh, sure, like the Editrix knoweth not that "completeness" is spelled "f-a-p."
Teach her daughter the basics about sex and contraception so she didn't end up as the most famous teen slut in America?
Excellent avatar, dude.
Just doing my best to maintain my purity of essence.
Just remember, there is no fighting in the War Room!
No way, shut up! And why not, dangit? Mitt Romney would be a fool not to select this spunky 22-year-old born-again-virgin single mom to be his VP.
Needs more babies.
But how is babby fromed? Betcha $10,000 Bristle don't know.
"Mom… energized the base."
No, it was Levi's mom who ran the meth lab.
Well, base has many meanings. She did energize the base (and tip) of many horny Conservatives.
The conjunction of "tip" and "Bris" is, indeed, unfortunate.
And she did this while reading all of the newspapers. All of them Katie! And while keeping an eye on the Russians from our house in Wasilla.
re: Alt-text
Rebecca, worst case of Mono I ever saw: Five months!! Typically there is a weight loss with Epstein-Barr.
Maybe Editrix meant "mono-genetic pooling"?
Speaking of that photo, it has a remarkable "Lost in Space" quality about it – except for the missing Romneybot.
Bristol endorses Mitt Romney's upcoming trial marriage with Chris Christie.
I like the idea of a trial marriage, where the honeymoon comes first
Pardon the pun
Any marriage to a Palin daughter would *have* to be a trial.
What is it about being a mother that so clearly biases their children’s opinion of them? I for one don’t believe half “the worlds best mom” coffee cups I see.
That whole emerging from her cooter, raising the kids (questionable with Sarah) and biology.
Your mother is your first love, your giver of all things good, and your first source of heartbreak when you (like all boys/men) must turn away from her and focus your love and desire on a *permitted* love object. Girls are luckier that way, which is, I think, why their sexuality is more fluid — they never have to give up their mother's love, regardless of their sexual orientation or their relationship issues. Of course, then there's the whole "bad parenting" thing. One expects (until very recently) one's father to be distant, judgmental, strict, and punitive, so one is not hurt excessively by his conforming to the stereotype. One expects one's mother to be loving, nurturing, giving, and forgiving, and when she fails to live up to this, one is wounded both psychologically and socially.
You can believe 100% of the "World's Worst Mom" coffee cups, though.
Two ways to tell that Bristol Palin did not write this:
1) Correct use of "Whomever"
2) No casual mention of her considerable experience gleaned from her Dancing with the Stars appearance
"Whomever Governor Romney picks will be better qualified to run…"
I was thinking Bristol did write this, because "whomever" is wrong. (Yeah it's the object of "picks," but that's trumped by being the subject of "will be better qualified.") Also Bristol has her mother's knack for faulty logic (McCain was already in trouble, so it doesn't matter that his VP pick turned out to be a scary joke, whoops.)
"much less rising oceans."
Yeah, damn that Obama and the other Democrats for filibustering attempts to reduce CO2 emissions in the Senate.
(And Bristol, isn't your mom one of those outspoken idiots who denies the proven reality of climate change?)
Sarah Palin was an awesome pick. That's why the campaign kept her as far away from reporters as possible for as long as possible, to keep them from seeing how awesome she was.
But they couldn't keep her far enough away from Rich Lowry and his starbursts.
All your base are belong to us.
They could've be but weren't not.
Come home before you lose all your English!!
OK! Naw. I'm going to Meh-hee-co for the summer. :-)
Sub-hed FTW
Good to see the teen mom segment weighing in with their stupidity.
Mittens should go for game changer II, and pick Ted Nugent.
Think of the stories they could swap about life on the road. The Nuge could talk about trashing hotels, drugs and groupies, and Mitt could talk about the time he pretended to do his own laundry.
Couric: "What newspapers do you read?"
Nuge: "Suck my assault rifle!"
Ah, yes. I can see it now.
BLOG LIBEL!
I wonder what Bristol would think if I told her that her mom was the reason I voted for Obama. The idea that the heart of a 70-something was the only thing preventing a Palin presidency still gives me the same breath-stopping dread I feel when I remember I will one day die.
I wouldn't have believed Bristol wrote this, but "Whomever???"
The ghost writer isn't even trying to disappear.
Whomever could've reasonably be.
My mom said yes, I'll be VP
(does Dr Seuss ghost-write, literally?)
Display a reasonably competant grasp of any facet of public policy whatsoever?
String words together into a coherent sentence?
All of 'em, Katie.
Well initially the "TITS" option seemed good, but as time went on the "GTFO" alternative looked increasingly desirable. Unfortunately, Palin refused to do either.
Please.
Funny, that was exactly my response to reading Brisket's little bout of epistolary diarrhea. Only with more "bitch."
When will we be rid of these tiresome bores?
"… good humor…"? Bristle, honey, when the world is laughing AT you, that is not something one characterizes as having "good humor".
At least I can actually read it "rising oceans" and all. It taint Sarah's signature word salad.
In all fairness, the professional writer who keeps Bristol from sounding like a complete dunce is paid big bux for her efforts. Sarah composes her own word salads, or has that hideous pod-terran, Mansour, do it for her.
Ugh…i was trying to give a little credit but i forgot that Bristol's too busy having unprotected sex and pooping out future wasillan meth dealers to care.
Sorry to burst your bubble, hon. Reality is a harsh motherfucker.
Please, please, please let RMoney select Sarah like McCain did. Oh, please, things are so boring we need some fun!
And Tina Fey needs a new pair of shoes. (er, something like that.)
"You could feel people’s fear. You could see it in their eyes on the trail. [Mom worked very hard to put it there.]"
it would be good if we had less bristol.
is this a tribute to e. e. cummings? which, coincidently is bristol's O sound.
She's on a diet, if that helps
It’s been four years now since Senator McCain selected my mom, and he made the right choice. Who will Governor Romney select as his running mate? Well, we’ve still got several months before we find out.
When you're on a sinking ship without a lifeboat and you can't swim, it's not really the "wrong choice," even if you grab hold of an anvil — because hey, why not?
In that spirit, I hope Rmoney picks Allen West — he'll do the same thing for the black vote that Palin did for women (nothing) and will elevate another toxic ignoramus to a status he's completely unqualified for.
Your mother made the citizens ask the question," Do we really need a Vice President?"
But who would run the Senate?
Fox News spends the next five days destroying Bristol Palin for daring to blame Republicans in power for the economy in 5, 4, 3 …
Sarah Palin did not "serve her country." She served herself. Her family and friends got the crumbs she dropped. The only positive in that is the crumbs were sometimes pretty big because she was talking with her mouth already stuffed. The Palin VP run wasn't a political campaign, it was a reality TV program.
Has Bristol forgotten how to tell up from down and left from right since gas prices are actually going down?
To have forgotten that, she would have needed to know how to do so in the first place.
And yay, you've gotten more P-ness! You deserve more for that great intelligence and humor that I love you for.
Some 'Bot YOU turned out to be, all gaga over MissTaken like I always knew you would be! Yay to you two! Spring is in the air and every lovebird around is loving it up. Perhaps there's hope for the MittBot yet?
Nah. Congrats, you two, on your romance. Here's hoping it all comes together, so to speak, and makes you both very happy.
1. "good humor and grace" are not terms that readily come to mind when you think about the divine Sarah.
2. Somehow the "rising oceans" are now somehow the democrats fault?
Regarding #2, yes. We were such lying libtards that we inured the Republican-Scientist Party to an actual danger.
Trolls looking up "inured."
Trolls looking up ^^ how to spell^^ "inured."
"Whomever Governor Romney picks will be better qualified to run the country than our current President."
Wow, Bristol really wants God to open this door for her real bad.
Is Bristol being "Home-Colleged" now? A 6th-grade paragraph like this gets an A+ from Dean Sarah!
How about that other Alaskan treasure, Captain Keith from "Deadliest Catch?" He'd be awesome debating Biden!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5ZLLqTqbE0
In the spirit of compromise, let's just say that Palin was an awful choice.
"Guess what, the economy was melting down while Republicans were in charge."
Blood relative libel!
B-Pal be tha Fo-Rizz-Al all up in da club!!
"My mom worked wonders"
Is "wonder" Alaskan dialect for "sucker"?
CORRECTION:
Editors, please change the Brisket quote:
"Mom answered the call to serve her country, energized the base, and inspired millions" to read "Mom answered the call to serve her country, energized the base, and made millions."
Needs more canards.
"I don’t know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do."
be competent
I don’t know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do.
Are you sure she didn't write this?
The (sic) is so you think she actually did write it.
LOU SARAH LIBEL!!!!
" We nominate Andrew Breitbart’s Ghost."
No, it has to be James O'Keefe. Wearing his pimp suit.
What's the difference between a pit bull and a dog from Wasilla?
4 babbies.
Well, let's be fair. Most of us would stick up for our mom, no matter how wrong she might be about a particular thing, because she's our mom….OK, not if she was Sarah Palin, but then most of us don't have moms that shoot moose out of helicopters!
Wasn't it wolves?
Helpless, pitiful, standing still, puzzled caribou.
"I don’t know what else she could’ve reasonably be expected to do."
True, but also would be true for a chimp writing a Chemistry textbook.
McCain's pick of Palin was a senior republican moment. "Huh? What? Hgnnah!, whatever."
So wait, I'm to assume Palin is actually trying to get her hat in the ring for VP again? This is nuts.
Well, she's seeing her opportunity to get the nomination because a brokered convention slip away, so she's plugging for the V.P. nomination so her and the Clan get an all expenses paid trip to Tampa this summer.
I mean, once that ship has sailed, anyone with a brain would know that grovelling for the same position again after you fail will look pathetic. You would think Plain, like all of the Mean Girls of the world would understand this principle.
We know she answered Glenn Rice's call. This one, not so sure?
"Plus, she did it with good humor and grace."
Best. Punchline. Ever.
Wait, what? You sure?
"Who will Governor Romney select as his running mate? Well, we’ve still got several months before we find out. *ahem* I'm available"
It’s been four years now since Senator McCain selected my mom, and he made the right choice.
well, sure. if your hindsight is at about 150/175. or so. perhaps l'il bristle is needing some fake glasses like her mom.
"In other words, the pundits say Senator McCain made a huge mistake. But where’s the evidence to back up this conventional wisdom?"
He lost, you brainless dolt. (Seriously, no matter what the gibbering loon who birthed you says, he lost.)
And another thing, why are they even bothering to fake-pretend that illiterate, dumb-as-a-stump, dim-bulb Bristol is capable of writing that piece of e-ink-puke?
The title of the blog should be "Nancy French Writing Down Thoughts the Palins Would Think, if the Palins Could Think. Or Read. Or Write. " Or scrounge up two neurons to rub together.
Oh please, God, make Mittens ask Palin…
Breitbart is waiting in the Spin Room.
Bristol "fans" read this tripe on a regular basis? Gag me with a spoon.
The question that stumped Sarah Palin…"What newspapers or magazines do you read?"
we’re running against a President who can’t stop rising gas prices, much less rising oceans.
The real irony of this assinine comment is that rising gas prices are one of the few things that could realistically contribute to people getting off their asses and stopping sea level rise.
Comment makes no sense. FAIL.
iF OBAMA CAN STOP THE RISING SEA LEVELS HE TRULY IS THE MESSIAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Too been or not to been? That would has the question.
I could've be a contender.
That's in tense.
You CAN NOT HAZ.
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