Every which way but liveGuns don’t kill people. Mentally disabled 29-year-olds who swing their arms and shout “Watch where the fuck you’re going!” when somebody almost hits them with their SUV kill people, by getting shot by them. Since 2006, Arizona has had its own version of Stand Your Ground, but this one has an even awesomer name:

[T]acked on to another gun bill after a gun rights lobbyist promoted it for 20 seconds in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee, [and c]alled “Make my Day,” it says people have no duty to retreat before using deadly force to protect themselves anywhere they have the legal right to be.

And that is why a kerfuffle at a Taco Bell drive-through ended up with Daniel Adkins Jr. totally dead. The shooter, who has not been named because he has not been charged, said Adkins had a three-foot pipe and was swinging it. Unfortunately, magical elves or pixies or trolls or hobbits or leprechauns or the Tooth Fairy or the Loch Ness Monster or the Dastardly Yeti removed the pipe before the coppers could recover it, as it was never found. But the shooter’s father, who spoke from behind the door to his home “warning that he had a gun in his hand,” said not only did Adkins have a pipe or bat, but he also yelled words at him!

He said witnesses at the scene told him that Adkins “went beserk” on his son, raising his hands and yelling: “What the hell, you almost hit me” and to “watch where the f*** you’re going.”

He rests his case!

Now let’s all definitely hang out in Arizona all the time, so people can murder us for threatening them by walking in front of their cars, and that is justifiable homicide. Good job, you guys! Ace work! OH NO WE DIED WE ARE DEAD NOW. X-(


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Barb

    "Adkins had a three-foot pipe and was swinging it."

    I'm hoping the shooter is about to see what kind of pipe "Bubba" is swinging in the prison shower here real soon.

    • It might be close to three feet itself.

      Or at least feel like it was.

    • CivicHoliday

      Sadly I think that in AZ it's the person who resists being shot who is more likely to end up in jail for not complying with the "I want to shoot you now with my legal handgun" law :(

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Haha! Prison rape is very funny, because it happens only to bad people!

      • doloras

        Also, man-on-man rape is double-very-funny, because it makes the rapee a FAGGOT. :-D

    • No rape, cause he's not arrested and won't be going to jail, unless perhaps alleged pipe-swinger was our beloved governor's son. Oh noes, I forgot! It can't be Sonny because he is in a hospital for the criminally insane. So let's just declare the shooter "within his rights" and hope that his Pappy shoots any of the Librul Media who trouble him with questions about this "situation."

      • HuddledMass

        Oh wow, you're not kidding — her "son was declared not guilty because of insanity for the rape of a Phoenix woman in 1989; he has been a psychiatric patient for 22 years in the Arizona State Hospital."

        • Yesiree.22 years a guest of the state … that doesn't have enough money to give school kids pencils.

  • Tundra Grifter

    This is what happens when the right wing nutz confuse fantasy with reality – just like they think Jack Bauer and "24" make torture in real life just fine.

    • Oblios_Cap

      That asshole on 60 minutes last night was scary. Mostly because I think he really believed the shit he was spouting about torture.

      • At least Leslie Stahl called some of his bullshit.

        • She seemed to be having too much of a good time, laughing it up.

          • I was hardly watching, but it seemed to me like she just thought the guy was so full of shit that she could sleepwalk through the interview.

      • Tundra Grifter

        I couldn't agree with you more. It's a True Believer and that's a very, very dangerous thing. As Sarah Vowell wrote, a belief is far more dangerous than an idea.

        The CIA guy on "60 Minutes" tried to justify the tortune by saying KSM is such a bad guy. That's doesn't make any difference. We're supposed to be Americans, and we didn't act like it.

  • First they shot the mentally ill,
    and I didn't shoot back because I wasn't from Arizona.
    Then they shot the Skittle carrying blahs wearing hoddies,
    and I didn't shoot back because I wasn't a blah.
    Then they shot the Liebruls,
    and I didn't shoot back because I wasn't no fucking liebrul.
    Then they shot me
    and then I shot back (cause I stoods my grounds) and now we're both dead.

  • el_donaldo

    I want an "Every Which Way But Loose" law that mandates anyone who wants to possess a handgun be forced to drive around with an orangutan in the passenger seat for a full year.

    • Personally, I'd like a law passed where your gun barrel can't be longer than your penis.

      I'm developing a new line of snub noses with magnifying glasses.

    • Toomush_Infer

      See, this new "Every Which Way But Loose" law will also justify shooting the red traffic light that impedes you from going any which time you want – its FREEDUMMMMMB!!!!!!….

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      How about a "Honky-Tonk Man" law that requires anyone involved in a gunfight to contract tuberculosis?

    • sullivanst

      Surely you can already, since guns are people, my friends.

    • What about a "Mother, Jugs and Speed" law? You guys can work out the details.

    • Even though Eastwood is a Republican. (dammit, Clint!), I'll bet he finds this movie/reality confusion disgusting, and thinks it's idiotic.

  • user-of-owls

    Nine months.
    273 days.
    6552 hours.
    399,120 minutes. Only a very few of which were tenuous.

    • What?

      • Chichikovovich

        An accomplishment we've been cheering him on about, monthly.

        • Ah, then he's almost a year owl-free?
          (Off jerk-mode: congrats, Owls.)

    • Chichikovovich

      This was starting out to be a bit of a crummy day for me, but this news makes the day terrific. Reste calme et heureux, mon chum.

      • user-of-owls

        Reste calme et heureux, mon chum.
        Por supuesto! And I'm really glad the news made your day a smidge better. Take care, good friend. See you next month! ;)

    • CapnFatback

      Pardon me if this is gauche or too pre-teeny, Oh Hunter of the Night, but I was mowing the lawn yesterday, and a song come on my little music box that reminded me of your journey.

      • user-of-owls

        Not in the least. To the contrary it is a very sweet, heartfelt and deeply appreciated sentiment. Thanks for you continuing kindness, buen amigo!

    • Love ya, Owls! Keep up the non-tenuous. Some day you won't even be counting — it will be the new normal.

      • user-of-owls

        I'm looking forward to that. It amazes me on a daily basis how wonderful life is if you only let it be. Big hugs, Jooksie!

        • Awww, I'm so happy to hear that positive statement. BIG progress!!XO

  • FNMA

    So it's legal now to shoot people for yelling at you?
    This is bad news for Bill O'Reilly.

    • Generation[redacted]


      • Negropolis


    • Can I haz a Beck's Law that says I can shoot anyone who's fake-crying?

    • NYNYNYjr

      I think if they're white, the person you shoot should have a weapon, e.g. a pipe or some keys, or a stick. But if that weapon is gone when the police arrive, no big deal. ARIZONA: Sideswipe a pedestrian, when they yell at you, shoot them, then back over them. Also, we have the Grand Canyon.

  • SorosBot

    But then, if the victim did swing a pipe at the driver he was just stranding his ground against someone who had already ALMOST KILLED HIM WITH HIS SUV, thus meaning that he was justified and the shooting wasn't, right?

    • No no! They both stood their ground, but it's like a giant game of "Rock, Paper, BangBang"

    • SoBeach

      The pipe was justified. The gun was justified. That's the beauty of it. Any altercation can end with one or more dead bodies, because everyone feels threatened.

      The only logical conclusion is to pass "Shoot first, ask questions later" laws. That way there will only be one dead body per encounter.

      • sullivanst

        The only logical conclusion is to pass "Shoot first, ask questions later" laws. That way there will only be be at least one dead body per encounter.


        And yes, passing someone on the street does count as an encounter, whether or not you say hello.

    • MissTaken

      Sounds like hockey where whoever loses the fight is the one thrown in the penalty box. Only here the penalty box is named COUNTY MORGUE.

    • HistoriCat

      This is just Arizona tradition.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    This the new Milton Bradley game, "No Clue." My guess is that is was "an Idiot in the Drive through with a lead pipe. " No? It was "a Douchebag in the Drive through with a gun?" Oops, my bad. I'm dead.

  • Goonemeritus

    Well I’m sure getting shot in the face by a reckless driver puts their careless driving skills in perspective.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well, in fairness to AZ, the victim was disabled. Obviously the shooter was just trying to keep him from having to spend precious tax dollars getting any further treatment.

    AZ – The meth capital of American politics.

    • NYNYNYjr

      AZ: We aren't high on meth when we write the laws, just when we think them up.

  • metamarcisf

    For the 2012 season, admission at University of Phoenix stadium will be contingent on possession of a loaded firearm. Which is the reason the Cardinals drafted another quarterback this weekend.

  • Yes, America, where your freedom to call someone an idiot is trumped by their freedom to shoot you in the face.

    We should have seen this coming, when that Whittington fellow apologized to Cheney for getting in the way of his shotgun pellets.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Yes, America, where your freedom to call someone an idiot is trumped by their freedom to shoot you in the face.

      Well, it does prove your point.

      • That's a, um, Pyrrhic victory.

        • sullivanst

          There really aren't many places other than Wonkette that could turn frequent occurrences of people cold face-shooting each other for no good reason and the law protecting them into a belly laugh like the one these comments just gave me.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    How about a Feel Lucky, Punk? law where cops are only given one bullet…

    • I read that 1 in 50 of the bullets that the police fire hit their intended target and that most police shootings turn out to be mistakes…so that's probably one too many bullets for them to have.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Gotta love this case where witness statements are preceded with the warning, "I have a gun in my hand."

  • rambone

    This Shoot Loudmouths on Sight rule should do wonders for getting the teabagger population down.

    • "He talked about tax cuts for the rich. He scared me!"

      • Generation[redacted]

        "He started playing Cat Scratch Fever and I thought he was definitely trying to hurt me."

  • freakishlywrong

    The more I think about this the stupider it gets. Give people who have a proclivity towards inventing their own reality, and lean towards authoritarianism and guns, and whoda thunk anything could go wrong?

    • And with less education that the average gerbil.

  • Goonemeritus

    Would it be ok to shoot SUV drivers in Arizona because you felt threatened by global warming?

    • sewollef


      But if it's alright with you, I'll stand back here in New York and watch it all unfold.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Absolutely. And with one of these bad boys you can safely engage from a distance too.

    • rickmaci

      From here on I'm just shooting at all SUV's. The drivers all have guns, or at least I am in fear that they do, they are always cutting me off on the freeway, or that is how it seems to me, and they try to drive my Prius off the road, or that is how I interpret their crappy driving, and that means I can stand my ground in the number 2 lane of the feeway. Bang.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Blessed are the (Colt) Peacemakers for their aim is true.

    Guns/Bible 2012

    • MosesInvests

      That's from the Book of Armaments, right? Paging Brother Maynard….

    • Negropolis

      Blessed are the piecemakers.

  • Come here a minute

    Don't ask a question if you don't want an answer. In Arizona, the answer to the question, "Where the fuck are you going?" is, "KABLAM."

  • Make My Day? Ok. Now these people are just fucking with us and are trying to show us how stupid people really are.

    • teebob2000

      It's working.

  • OC_Surf_Serf

    Taco Bell…ended up… totally dead

    I tell my kids not to eat that shit….

    • Guppy

      Giving them Derbyshire's speech?

  • mormos

    I’ll say first that stand your ground is stupid, concealed carry is stupid, there is no reason for a person to carry around a firearm outside of a shooting range. That said, I’m pro second amendment; I have no problem with people owning firearms so long as they practice proper firearm safety. It makes for an enjoyable recreational hobby. But these idiots can’t be trusted with shoelaces much less a gun.

    • Guppy

      "Second Amendment" means you don't get to decide who gets to own a gun unless and until they kill someone. You can't apply the same rigor to gun sales as you do to driver's licenses while "shall not be infringed" is still there.

    • Bezoar

      Everyone should be free to keep and bear the arms of 1789. As was obviously the original intent of the framers of the Constitution. Of course, as part of a well-regulated militia.

  • SoBeach

    Face it, numbskulls control vast swaths of this country. And they are busy little social engineers. They're going to keep passing dumbass "Make My Day" laws with the utter certainty they're building utopia. Then one day it will dawn on them that people in the past made it illegal to open fire at the drop of a hat for a REASON, not because they were pussy libruls.

    • I'm sort of envisioning a whole "Hatfield/McCoy" thing, myself. You know, dark night, kid gets shot by some other yahoo, next thing you know, two of the biggest families in the state square off, guns ablazing.

      That may, in the end, be the thing that stops the madness.

      • Generation[redacted]

        The Bush family is one of the biggest. And they're well armed. I can't think of a second family, I'm just sayin'

  • DaRooster

    Ya know, with the newish Wonk-Rules I am confused as to whether the people making these laws make me feel threatened for my life… so should they be taken out?

    • Guppy

      I'd recommend taking up surveying to work out your aggression, but that means having to study that certain branch of mathematics focusing on polygons of three sides.

      • sullivanst

        The math that dare not speak its name.

  • Toomush_Infer

    AND – in Arizona now, this includes shooting at any cars apparently coming in your direction, because, duh!…..

  • fartknocker

    I heard he used the official Arizona state gun so the shooter is automatically exempt for capping the mentally handicapped man.

    Welcome to Aribama.

  • Barb

    True story…
    I was in Arizona yesterday and stopped at a grocery store to get a Mountain Dew and a pack of Twinkies. I said in my most booming voice, "Look, it's Jan Brewer and she's buying sunscreen and 12 copies of her shittified book!" The cashier gave me the dirtiest look.

    I walked out to my car and yelled, "fuck you very much, Arizona!"

    good times!

    • Troglodeity

      Totally agree with your sentiments, but you're lucky you weren't shot. By the cashier or by Brewer. What a fucked-up state.

      • Barb

        I had the ballz to ask for a discount on the Twinkies, lol. They were 10 for $10.00 and when I got to the register they were $1.89. I didn't have a Safeway discount club card and paid full price. I'm rude, yet frugal.

    • ElPinche

      Arizona is such a beautiful state…too bad its filled to the brim with sun-bleached racist old bitters.

    • Mountain Dew and Twinkies? You should have shot the cashier and pled Junk Food Defense.

      • ALIVE!

        That only works if the shooting victim is a ghey.

    • rickmaci

      "Mountain Dew and a pack of Twinkies." Your uncles. They wouldn't happen to be named Gomer, Homer and Elmer? Or were you just trying to soak up the ambiance of Aryanzona and trying to pass for a native?

  • Generation[redacted]

    "Adkins had a three-foot pipe and was swinging it."

    This is not good news for Ron Jeremy.

  • Callyson

    He told police he had no choice but to shoot. He said he couldn't drive away from Adkins because the dog was in the way and he "thought he had no other options," according to the police report

    You could have CALMED THE FUCK DOWN, there's one option.


    • kissawookiee

      I know when I want to drive somewhere and a dog's in the way, my ONLY POSSIBLE ALTERNATIVE COURSE OF ACTION is to shoot the person holding the dog's leash.

      • Generation[redacted]

        A lot of dogs running around loose in that town.

  • CivicHoliday

    It's as if these folks never stopped playing Cowboys and Indians, and are intent to live out their actual lives as if they were in an old Clint Eastwood western. Tell you what, gun nuts, you can start shooting whoever you please as long as you give up the gas-guzzling trucks and SUVs and start riding a nice carbon-neutral horse around town. Fair?

    • Better yet, they should all just move to Italy, where those westerns were filmed.

      • MosesInvests

        I thought they were filmed in Spain by Italians.

    • OurDailyBread

      It isn't going to take 500 years for Idiocracy to arrive; it's already here.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Well, it is about time, dangit. Most laws are for the poors and the coloreds, and corporations (they're people too, my friend). It's about time dumbass, mouthbreathing, cracker-ass, christianist rednecks get their own laws. For freedom.

  • Radiotherapy

    I like the Gran Torino Law. You can call out "Gook!" or "Spade!" before you shoot 'em.

    • horsedreamer_1


  • Generation[redacted]

    Guns are sexy. Wouldn't you agree, pregnant fiancee?

  • Troglodeity

    Given it's the Arizona Legislature we're talking about, I'm surprised they didn't name it the "Gabrielle Giffords Make My Day Act."

  • Blueb4sunrise


  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's shit like this that makes me laugh at out-of-towners who complain about people in the northwest being passive aggressive.

    • That Kurt Cobain, such a passive-aggressive jerk, killing himself to make everyone else feel like a douche!

      • Generation[redacted]

        He was a danger to himself, so the shooting was legally justified.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Next on the agenda: Voting on the proposed "Streets Run Red With Blood Act of 2012"

  • kissawookiee

    When Adkins lifted his hands in the air again, the driver drew his Smith and Wesson .40-caliber handgun from his sweatpants.

    At least we know now he is a responsible gun owner. Nothing secures a pound-and-a-half handgun like some 50/50 blend and stretched-out elastic.

    • GOPCrusher

      Just ask Plaxico Burress.

  • Daniel Jr., who was 29 but had the mental capacity of a 13-year-old, had been shot and killed

    So obvs, we need to look at removing any metal competency restrictions on firearm ownership, so Daniel would have been able to be packin' and return fire.

    • finallyhappy

      See, When someone nearly hits me- I glare at them and curse too- and I have the mental capacity of a 59 year old. I think anyone who actually knows anything about disability might want to figure out the mental capacity of the shitstain who shot this young man.

  • SorosBot

    Here's an upside of the "stand your ground" laws: under these rules, since Greedo was threatening Han at the Mos Eisely cantina, Han was justified in feeling threatened and shooting first, therefore there was no need to retcon the scene to Greedo shooting first and we can tell Lucas to undo the reedit.

    • emmelemm

      OK, this comment is 14 hours old, but I have to say, that's the awesomest take on "stand your ground" I've heard.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Ahh, Arizona. The law and order state.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Oh for fuck's sake.

    Just legalize murder and get it over with, you fucking wingnut psychopaths.

    • Naked_Bunny

      They have. You just need a dramatic story to go with it. Oh, and you'd better use a gun. There's no right to bear pipes.

  • Fox n Fiends

    I wonder when Sheriff Joe is gonna make someone's day?

    • As soon as he gets finished writing a proclamation to declare the Not-Been-Named hero Shooter of the Day.

    • bikerlaureate

      The day he begins serving his long, long sentence would do it for me.

  • proudgrampa

    Ya know what? Just let these assholes shoot each other until there is no one left.

    "Let God sort 'em out."

  • Just crossed "Grand Canyon" off my bucket list.

    • sullivanst

      Just move it down to the bottom, given the good chance it will be the last thing you see.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Ya know, Nuge was just in Az. at the Pima County Fair.

    Some blah lady is here also.

    • sullivanst

      If anyone ever had reason to feel threatened, it's any of the Obama family by The Nuge. I suppose I'm not allowed to call this a lost opportunity.

  • kissawookiee

    The Phoenix paper yesterday had a story about another stand-yer-ground case in which a guy got in a road rage argument with another guy over turn-lane behavior. First guy pulls into an isolated area in a parking lot behind a CVS "to placate" the second guy. BTW, first guy had four prior road rage incidents on file, including at least one in which he brandished a gun. So of course here he "put his loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special revolver on the seat in case he had to display it," the second guy stupidly followed him and ran up to his vehicle, and the first guy displayed a slug into his chest.

    TL; DR: yep, Arizona sucks even more than you thought.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Maybe other states should just turn off their water and gas so they can go full Mad Max and get it over with.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Y'know, I don't recall the Constitution giving anyone the right to actually fire guns, just to "bear" them. Why are activist judges inventing new rights???!?

  • hagajim

    So I feel like many multinational corporations are threatening me – can I just go in and open fire on Jamie Dimon and the like?

    • sullivanst

      Leave bankers alooooooooooooooooooone!!!!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Let me know if you do and I'll be a witness. "Yes officer, Dimon was out of control, he was shouting and swinging a three-foot pipe (which we can't find at the moment). It was obvious to me that he was goofed up on goofballs (as the kids like to say) so hagajim had no choice but to stand his ground and put him down. You know, for the children."

  • teebob2000

    Those fuckers at ALEC supposedly aren't doing legislation like this any longer, meanwhile society has to deal with the consequences of this shit they left behind. Motherfuckers.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom
  • lowaltflier

    "Unfortunately, magical elves or pixies or trolls or hobbits or leprechauns or the Tooth Fairy or the Loch Ness Monster or the Dastardly Yeti removed the pipe before the coppers could recover it."

    It has to be the Hobbits. Cause all those other do not exist.
    Gollum and the evil on crept up and slipped away with it.

  • mavenmaven

    The more innocent people killed by guns, the less social security will have to shell out when they age. Cost cutting by mowing down!

  • johnnymeatworth

    Those Ratso Rizzo laws are a bitch….

  • Barrelhse

    Arizona: FUCK YOU!!

  • proudgrampa

    I'm sort of expecting that in the next generation of these laws, Frankie will be justified in shooting Johnny.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Did he get his tacos?

  • crybabyboehner

    I don't believe there are any video games called "Duty to Retreat."

    So this is a totally awesome law!

  • people have no duty to retreat before using deadly force to protect themselves anywhere they have the legal right to be. whenever they feel like it.

  • Guppy

    More importantly, what model handgun did Booth use? There's no reason why a state can only have one "State Gun!"

  • Schmegeg

    Better not ask any questions, he has a gun.

  • Guppy

    Do Arizona legislators have panic buttons in their offices yet?

  • fuflans

    and these people don't believe in natural selection.

  • owhatever

    See? You gots to be carrying a gun all the time, because you are a scared and dickless little man. Make My Day, and a chicken burrito supreme, please.

  • ttommyunger

    I've got a bad feeling about this….

  • e_z

    Had "Midnight Cowboy been filmed in Arizona it would have been a much shorter flic..

    Ratso Rizo yells "I'm walking here"


    Movie over.

  • Make it legal for thousands of semi-literate people with little or no training with firearms run around on the streets with lots of attitude and no sense… What could possibly go wrong?

    Unfortunately, these poorly thought out laws will stand until some politician or one of his family members has a meeting with some stranger who wants to have his day made.

    • Generation[redacted]

      We have a Rep Giffords on line 1…

  • whiterabid

    So, if the dead kid's family sues the shooter, can the shooter shoot the family, or only the lawyer?

  • Soylent Green

    What do ya know. Faux News still cries Race, when the culprit is 'Stand Yer ground'.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Black Man Remains Free" is the default headline from the Faux news template – it's sure to outrage their viewers every time.

  • lochnessmonster

    Got to defend myself! I DID NOT take that pipe or whatever…I'm in IL!

  • Redgyal

    Snark on, snark off.

  • Redgyal

    Stand your ground is used by a certain demographic more than others.

  • NYNYNYjr

    Uh… god damn.. I read the whole article. At the end they describe a case where a guy saw another guy with a bag of stolen radios, including his (fucking radios for fucks sake), he chases the guy for a block, catches him and stabs him to death, takes the radios, sells the other radios! hides the knife! doesn't call the police! and everything is kosher, no charges. So where do we draw the line? Someone steals a pair of pants, lets say nice designer jeans, from my house, can I track him for like 2 days and then strangle him to death? Is that Stand Your Ground? If not, please draw the line for me between that and the radio stabbing.

  • Negropolis

    I keep saying it, but we are a profoundly ailing nation with a death wish. The type of paranoid ideology were are stricken with simply isn't sustainable.

    One day, the "Oncoming Race War" is going to be a reality; it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Accept that it won't just be a race war. These fuckers are angling for pushback. Be careful what you wish for. Non-violence only works when people believe that have constitutional recourse to this type of insanity…and it's looking like people are losing the faith.

Previous articleUS Army Does Not Understand Ted Nugent Is An American Hero, Says Ted Nugent
Next articleNobody Has Any Money, Least Of All The Government, Because We Are All Fat