GIMMICKS  9:28 am April 30, 2012

Boehner: How Is Obama Diminishing The Presidency Today? By Picking ‘Fake Fights’

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Boot to the head!Another day, another attempt by that punk Barack Hussein Nobama to diminish the presidency! What’d he do now? Did he put his feet up on his desk? Did he sing Young Jeezy in public? Did he fly in his plane? Did he act “cool”? (Yes. Burn him.)

“You know, we had the Buffett Rule,” [House Speaker John] Boehner said. “You know, it went on for months. Even the president admitted it was a gimmick. And then we have the Rose Garden ceremony talking about manipulation in the oil markets, without one shred of evidence. And he has an entire administration to go after speculation or manipulation in the oil markets. And then they picked this student loan fight where there is no fight.”

Remember the Buffett Rule? It was a total gimmick because it would only have raised $43 billion in revenues, and $43 billion does not even count unless it is $100 million from PBS and the NEA instead, because $100 million > $43 billion. (It is called MATH and why don’t you LEARN IT.)

And why does the president constantly pick fake fights with the oil companies without one shred of evidence that there is manipulation? Typical.

Restoring honor and dignity to the Oval OfficeAnd as for student loans, John Boehner has already explained that it is beneath the dignity of the presidency to go to colleges and get students to put pressure on Congress about keeping their interest rates low, because everybody already knew this was a settled matter that would get passed, because the GOP always works with the president! And that is totally true: the GOP House passed it Friday, and will pay for it by gutting preventative-care funding in BammerzCares, instead of by cutting tax breaks for oil companies, because that would be Class Warfare.

If Obama would just stop picking fake fights with the GOP by not agreeing with them, everything would be just fine! Why doesn’t he try that for once? [DailyCaller]

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Barb April 30, 2012 at 9:30 am

Conservatives say that taxpayers must continue our $24B subsidy to the oil companies (who are currently making record profits) or our gas prices go up even more.

That begs the question: "How much do we need to pay them in order to make our gas prices go down?"


actor212 April 30, 2012 at 9:35 am

What's the famous line from the Creedence Clearwater Revival song?

"Their only answer is more! More! more!"

chicken_thief April 30, 2012 at 10:26 am


Terry April 30, 2012 at 9:41 am

It's hard to decide. Is the oil company subsidy a bribe to keep gas prices down, or is it extortion on the part of the oil companies to keep gas prices down?

Dashboard Buddha April 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

True that…and in the back of my mind there echoes the words, "There is only so much shit we will eat". Someday…hopefully soon.

mormos April 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm

shit! what shit? that is delicious delicious food stuffs!
-oil companies

freakishlywrong April 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

Cry, you fascist asshole.

cheetojeebus April 30, 2012 at 9:33 am

And no mention of the brilliant idea of financing the student loan thing with funds from the Children's immunization account? Yeah, that wasn't fukkin craven on their part. yeah, no fight at all.

sullivanst April 30, 2012 at 11:01 am

But but but don't you see:

taxing billionaires = gimmick;
assuming everyone understands oil price manipulation happens = gimmick
keeping college from being obscenely unaffordable* = gimmick

stealing from kids to pay off oil barons = good policy

* because God knows it's damned close to obscenely unaffordable already.

tcaalaw April 30, 2012 at 9:33 am

Shorter Boehner: Blackity-black-black-black.

freakishlywrong April 30, 2012 at 9:34 am

Someone also needs to point out to Boner, (gently! because the truth hurts, ow!), that he and his fellow fuckwitted Republicans have already voted to double that interest rate in the Ryan travesty.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 9:34 am

Ah, I see Rich Lowry's blast fax from last week's Time is hitting the fan: Oil speculation.

Which, you know, is what happened, Mr. Speaker, but your head is so far up the asses of Exxon and BP, you wouldn't notice.

chascates April 30, 2012 at 9:36 am

There's the edge of insanity and then there's the abyss.

smitallica April 30, 2012 at 9:38 am

I think Obama has more than maintained the dignity of the Presidency by continually resisting the urge to reach across the table and punch this childish orange fuckwad right in his tangerine puss.

freakishlywrong April 30, 2012 at 9:44 am

I don't know who's more punchable. McConnell and that twatwaffle Cantor would be deeply satisfying as well.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

All of them, Katie.

chicken_thief April 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

It is close, but I gotta go with schmarmy Eric – that constipated looking motherfucker has a beak begging to be tattooed.

MissNancyPriss April 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

McConnell is more shovel-to-thefaceable.

Radiotherapy April 30, 2012 at 9:41 am

They are more like nose pickers.

Chow Yun Flat April 30, 2012 at 9:41 am

And then we have the Rose Garden ceremony talking about manipulation in the oil markets, without one shred of evidence

Evidence? I got your evidence right here, punk.

Dudleydidwrong April 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm
OC_Surf_Serf April 30, 2012 at 9:43 am

Remember the Buffett Rule?

No fingers in the dressings?

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:47 am

And a bullet-proof sneeze shield.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 30, 2012 at 9:50 am

In Florida, the Buffet Rule is that you always leave a dime tip on your cafeteria tray for the colored man who carries it to your table for you. Hard to believe this is getting so much national attention. It just seems like common sense.

littlebigdaddy April 30, 2012 at 9:44 am

To quote from the trailer to the new show Men at Work: "[His] skin color is not found in nature. Yes it is, it's called oompa loompa."

Goonemeritus April 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

We need to get back to fully regulating our ladies naughty bits. When Oil Corporation can seduce a virtuous church going man then and only then will it rise to a national issue.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 10:02 am

Corporations are sluts too, my friend!

Chow Yun Flat April 30, 2012 at 9:46 am

Obama is guilty of being President while black. All of his other transgressions pale in comparison to that.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

I see what you did there. Very colorful!

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

How white of you to notice!

Chow Yun Flat April 30, 2012 at 10:05 am

That's mighty white of you, V572.

chicken_thief April 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

I'm green with envy, dammit!

EtchySketchy April 30, 2012 at 11:06 am

I guess that's why they call it the blues.

OC_Surf_Serf April 30, 2012 at 9:48 am

Fuck…the last President picked real fights over fake WMD information…

Tundra Grifter April 30, 2012 at 9:49 am

The GNoPee are experts when it comes to fake anything.

EatsBabyDingos April 30, 2012 at 9:53 am

Boner has been picking and eating scabs for years.

ManchuCandidate April 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

The only thing real about the GOPers at this point is their eager willingness to spread for the 1%.

weejee April 30, 2012 at 10:01 am


That was a definite rimshot there Mr. Speaker Boner. If that's yer A-game you need to get back to the gym and do some serious work.

chicken_thief April 30, 2012 at 10:35 am

Back to the gin?! He never left the gi….. oh. G-y-m. My bad….

friendlyskies April 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

Because addiction to spray-on tans and blubbering like a child are ways to bring dignity to public office.

Come here a minute April 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

Speaker Boehner complains that President Obama's actions actions are beneath the dignity of the presidency, demonstrating that they are getting beneath the skin of the speaker.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

Just think of all the students who will be able to go to class in their iron lungs. Think of the construction jobs, man!

horsedreamer_1 April 30, 2012 at 8:03 pm

My stepfather spent time on an iron lung, due polio. He's still battling depressive moments due that.

SorosBot April 30, 2012 at 10:14 am

And here's more Boehner whined about because those mean Democrats don't want to cut health services to make student loans more affordable:
People want to politicize this because it is an election year, but my God, do we have to fight about everything?" Boehner said, at times pounding the podium. "And no, now we are going to have a fight over women's health. Give me a break! This is the latest plank in the so-called war on women entirely created by colleagues across the aisle for political gain."

No, you lying sack of shit, the very real war on women was created entirely by state legislators of your party who have been passing laws requiring women who want abortions to have metal cameras stuck up their vaginas and similar.

bikerlaureate April 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I've never pitied his kids before, but their concept of "honesty" must be profoundly warped.

mavenmaven April 30, 2012 at 10:20 am

And then, pointing to his own crotch, Boehner continued "…the president’s bigger than this…."

Texan_Bulldog April 30, 2012 at 10:22 am

I see you're linking to the Daily Caller now. Hmm…this is giving Mattie Drudge a sad.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 10:35 am

Look, just because virtually every single industry analyst who looks at oil prices says there's a lot of speculation going on, that doesn't count as "evidence." Did Fox News say there's speculation? OK then, that's what counts as "evidence"

FNMA April 30, 2012 at 10:36 am

Boner is a dick.

chicken_thief April 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

Before I come to any premature conclusions on this war of words, I gotta check Lou Sarah's Facebook page….

valthemus April 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

"I'm John Boehner. Vote for me because I know how to pander to the kind of people you aspire to be… and could be one day! Just keep buyin' those lottery tickets."

fuflans April 30, 2012 at 11:49 am

shorter boehner: the president is a blah.

JustPixelz April 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

This reminds me of when the Repubicans were all worked up about a balanced budget amendment to the Constitution. What a gimmick! If they have the votes for that, they certainly have the votes to simply pass a balanced budget.

Or when they said Ann Romney is the hardest working woman in the world. What a gimmick!

How about the bill to defund teleprompters?

Callyson April 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Slightly shorter headline:

Boehner: How Is Obama Diminishing The Presidency Today? By Winning

Suck it, GOP!

ttommyunger April 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I am clinging to the hope that after being elected to his second term he actually begins to fight, for real. Boehner and the rest of America's Koch-Suckers need to be pushed back-hard.

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