NEEDS MOAR SOY SAUCE  4:53 pm April 29, 2012

Whom Did Obama Kill At The White House Correspondents Dinner Last Night?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Jeez, give Wonkette commenters weekend posting, and all of a sudden they think you are never supposed to leave the house on a Saturday night again. HERE. HERE is your Happy Christmas Warrior In Chief cracking wise at the WHCD last night. NO, we didn’t liveblog it. We have to go out and get laid sometime. [Youtube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 232 comments }

DrunkIrishman April 29, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Don't lie. No one on Wonkette has ever gotten laid. And if they did, it was a mercy fuck.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I have fucked a couple of Wonketteers, in my mind.

ttommyunger April 29, 2012 at 5:00 pm

…and it was good-for me!

Dashboard Buddha April 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Where did I put my virtual cigarettes?

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 5:42 pm

I think you left them on the virtual desk.

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

2L;

Perhaps they are on the CNN virtual dinner table.

Wile E. Quixote April 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Just put the virtual donation on the virtual dresser on your way out.

Terry April 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Serolf Divad is my cyber baby daddy. Hands off, Lizzie.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I have a long-standing , sensual ,WW2 era, love-affair with a young . black Airman named ChetKincaid.

RavenRant April 29, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Too bad you gave him up in that interrogation by the handsome SS officer.

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm

I enjoy variety — sometimes, a lonely RAF Widow at a London dance during a bombing raid, sometimes a French Resistance Lady, other times, an Italian Partisan Beauty…but I'm always up for thumping that bass and paradiddling those tom-toms!

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:23 pm

2L;

And in our dreams.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Thanks.

elfgoldsackring April 29, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Oh noes, where will the next generation come from?

DrunkIrishman April 29, 2012 at 5:13 pm

CLONING, OF COURSE!

vulpes82 April 29, 2012 at 5:32 pm

PARTHENOGENSIS!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 29, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Big black nemesis!

Designer_Rants April 29, 2012 at 8:52 pm

So, start saving my butt babies?

finallyhappy April 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

twice and I have two kids and one C-section scar to prove it

mayor_quimby April 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Honestly, I convinced the chica to eat BBQ, watch Barry's jokes, have a cocktail, then do all the work in bed last night. That qualifies for platinum player status, as far as I'm concerned. If anybody has similar stories of conquest, please share them, in detail.

imissopus April 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm
valthemus April 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Does mindfucking people you find annoying count?

valthemus April 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Does my Second Life avatar getting laid count? He gets laid *a lot*.

littlebigdaddy April 30, 2012 at 12:05 am

Is he a furry?

valthemus April 30, 2012 at 11:59 am

Noooooooooo! He's my current profile pic, actually.
I put furry sex in the same category as clown porn and faithfully listening to Michael Savage. I just don't get it.

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Or maybe, just maybe, it was a…a…skullfuck!

Skullfucking: When mindfucking is too subtle.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 2:37 am

Er … alrighty, then. I'll just toddle along to the *next* room.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 5:09 am

It does raise the question, "who are these guys?"

And why haven't I met them before?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Obvs, you don't hang out lonely and alone at home all by yourself with nothing like teh Wonketz to fap to.

As for the last part, you should be *grateful* you haven't met them before. Deity only knows what they would have done to your poor bod in their extreme need.

nonbeliever7 April 30, 2012 at 8:18 am

C'mon, don't be modest. Of course you're all getting laid. We all have "good personalities" and my mom keeps telling me that's what really counts.

oldedinvn April 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Some of us depend on mercy fucks. Much more love than in duty fucks.

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Now, with so many "hook up" sites online, we don't have to go out anymore, we can just order in.

DrunkIrishman April 29, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Chinese?

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Asian Fusion.

Hedley_Lamarr April 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Yummy, but an hour later you're horny again.

DrunkIrishman April 29, 2012 at 5:53 pm

But if you're lucky, she'll have a fortune wrapped inside.

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Where have you been?? I've looked all over the place for you!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 2:38 am

I thought that was the *whole ideer.*

You mean I've been Doing It Wrong all these, uh, decades?

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Remember the movie "Alive."

"What are we going to have for dinner tonight? Chinese? Mexican…?"

Dashboard Buddha April 29, 2012 at 5:38 pm

Hello…did you order the Mongolian Beef?

Angry_Marmot April 29, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Genghis Balls, Genghis Balls… ♪♫ on a triple feature with Mongolian Beef II: The Ath of Khan and I Dig a Pony

nounverb911 April 29, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Has anyone seen Trump lately?

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:24 pm

After last year's White House Correspondents' Dinner, he was more done than Ole Newt's vanity campaign.

Radiotherapy April 29, 2012 at 7:30 pm

You mean this one from last night?
fapfapfapfapfap

Designer_Rants April 29, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Ho-lee Shit. How does that happen from The Donald?

Butch_Wagstaff April 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

He had to marry some Czech lady.

smokefilledroommate April 30, 2012 at 4:42 am

…and have everybody blow gold-plated sunshine up the Trump collective ass. Ivanka was probably genetically engineered, but apparently no money was left for the Donald Jr.– he seriously looks like a really bad 2 a.m. chili fart.

Radiotherapy April 29, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Even the crickets were laughing.

ttommyunger April 29, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Whom? Don't know. What did he kill? Any possible hope that Mittens can beat him on any one-on-one face-off in any venue. The guy is a substantial class act; he out-Bubbas Bubba.

Designer_Rants April 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

"he out-Bubbas Bubba."

If that's true, and if by "Bubba" you're referring to Clinton, I'll stop worrying. Then again, Clinton is white.

ttommyunger April 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Only on the outside.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 5:48 am

1. O is absolutely class. He can skewer people, and himself, and grin like it's just a joke, and you'd have to be Mitt Rmoney to not grin back.

2. Clinton is still the epitome of making you believe he gives a shit. (iirc, you are not a big Bubba fan, so this may not be true for you, but it it is still true among the general populace). I have second-hand stories that make it clear that Slick could eviscerate opponents as easily as Obama can, but I believe that somewhen he figured out there is only so much a 6'4" white boy can say without looking like a dick.

3. President Obama versus Governor Rmoney in a debate? Oh please oh please oh please. I mean, fuck, Obama is easily the most thoughtful President we've had in my 64-year lifetime (and, I'll remind you that I'm a big Bubba fan). And Mittens has to be reprogrammed with his current beliefs before every public appearance.

Let me see, how does this go? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

ttommyunger April 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I voted for Clinton twice. I feel he had flaws which hurt himself, the Presidency and the Country, but he was the best choice available; other than that, I have no strong opinions about him. I agree with everything you say here.

BornInATrailer April 29, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Given the number of "fans" you seem to have, Editrix, you could probably insource that.

However, there's a little saying I've read about the prospects for women in certain male dominated fields. And I suspect it applies to the Wonkette commenting pool:

"The odds are good but the goods are odd."

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 9:29 am

Quit judging us.

FakaktaSouth April 29, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Did Jimmy Kimmel smoke weed on top of the White House like Elvis before he did this show? I swear that dude looks so high all the time – maybe he looks straight up when he's wasted?

BornInATrailer April 29, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I thought that was Willie Nelson? Both?

FakaktaSouth April 29, 2012 at 5:20 pm

You are surely right about Willie. Maybe Elvis just brought a gun and was high already when he went to see Nixon? I've seen too many Behind the Musics, they all get jumbled up after a while and I forget who did how much of what drugs where.

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:20 pm

On the White House roof with an Austin torpedo.

Lazy Media April 29, 2012 at 7:32 pm

No foolin', he has a hideously bad back and is on pain meds a lot, so that could be some of it.

Radiotherapy April 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm

How can Obama denigrate the gravitas of POTUS by going on late night yack-fests? Or trying to be some kind of comedian?
Don't give up your day job Mr President, no really, please don't lose to that animatronic vulture.

BarackMyWorld April 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

They're mad he's acting like a celebrity.

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 11:19 pm
EloquentScience April 30, 2012 at 7:33 am

He went on Fallon to get warmed up for this event.

weejee April 29, 2012 at 5:14 pm

At about 4:32 is Eric Cantor giving Barry a giant fuck you smiley? That seems to be the killing moment.

Callyson April 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Yes, NoCandor did…and I hope to see that smile on his face again on election night when they call the race for Obama…

weejee April 29, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Yer lips to doG's ears.

arihaya April 29, 2012 at 5:16 pm

did the dinner serve Indonesian dog grill on peanut sauce?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 29, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Can't believe Bammers passed on the chance to mention the menu there.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? The pit bull knows when it's cooked.

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Aww, wookies. You gave me a sad.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2012 at 5:40 pm

In that case you might wanna skip the video.

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Oh no, I already saw it. I felt like a wingnut for a second, but I didn't feel it necessary to feed my indignation to the point of my head exploding. So I'm fine.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I was a little surprised that he joked about it — but the palpable shock in the audience made me realize it was worth it.

rickmaci April 29, 2012 at 7:14 pm

The pit bull doesn't get all bitchy and bite your head off for telling a Romoney joke.

Spurning Beer April 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

One of them licks its genitals and eats its own puke, and the other one is a pit bull.

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm

I would not be sober enough to come up with something that clever at this hour. Thank you, SB!

V572 Is this him? April 29, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Honestly this little circle jerk and festival of self-regard gets waaaaay too much attention. You can bet there are plenty of good yuks and zingers at the Zinc Bushing Manufacturers' Association annual awards dinner too.

weejee April 29, 2012 at 6:09 pm

The humor there is downright galvanizing.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Only heavy metal fans would get a joke so hot it’s molten.

Wile E. Quixote April 29, 2012 at 8:28 pm

I see what you did there. Take me now you magnificent stallion!

imissopus April 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Sure, once the speakers iron out their delivery.

rickmaci April 29, 2012 at 7:08 pm

That group is too well grounded for easy yuk yuk jokes.

SayItWithWookies April 29, 2012 at 7:32 pm

The Liquid Nitrogen Orchestra usually plays that gig — they have a superconductor.

Arken April 29, 2012 at 8:25 pm

You have to admit, all the years of terrible jokes and lame routines were totally worth it for Colbert spending 90 minutes insulting Bush directly to his face.

V572 Fehrnstrom April 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm

It’s all been a letdown since Colbert told them their job was to type up the president’s decision.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 2:44 am

Best EVAH!

littlebigdaddy April 30, 2012 at 12:07 am

Yeah, but Bammerz nailed it, and this was the most important event in the late spring timeframe. Can you imagine how bad Rmoney would've been?

Geminisunmars April 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

I am praying we never have to experience that.

SheriffRoscoe April 29, 2012 at 5:30 pm

I want to see Mittens do a stand-up comedy routine. Can't you see it now? I can't get enough of the one about flying in from someplace and having tired arms! I might shit myself next time I hear it.

vulpes82 April 29, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"Take my wife-unit! Please!"

"An amusing anecdote comes to mind regarding office supplies…"

"My father once fired a thousand workers, and…"

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm

My dad said if you're not fired with enthusiasm you'll probably be…"

Doktor StrangeZoom April 29, 2012 at 5:35 pm

I just flew in from Cleveland, and boy are 500 people fired.

ChurchofRealism April 29, 2012 at 8:42 pm

That's the winner.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:48 am

Do you mind if I share this? That is just too brilliant for words.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

Thanks!–and as far as I'm concerned, all jokes are open-source

Chichikovovich April 29, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Last night I fired a bunch of people in my pyjamas! Why I didn't change into something more official first I'll never know.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 5:54 am

You have caused me cognitive dissonance, or possibly cognitive wtf. I cannot think if it is George or Groucho, and I refuse (for the drunken moment) to look it up. Or it could be someone else. Gah.

JustPixelz April 29, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Who can forget this moment:

“You, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership,” Romney said. “And so ultimately, you didn’t blame Lil Jon or Meat Loaf. You fired Gary Busey. These are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled sir.”

Of course, Mitt wasn't joking.

smokefilledroommate April 29, 2012 at 8:30 pm

He has tons of 'em about the plight of poor people.

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

"Who? Who let the dogs out? Not me; I keep 'em on a kennel on the roof of my mansion."

littlebigdaddy April 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

I love coming to Wall Street! All the Jew bankers are the right height!

SayItWithWookies April 30, 2012 at 2:09 am

"Do you know what I love?

[pause]

Okay. Just wondering."

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 2:45 am

I might shit myself if he tells it.

stncmchnc April 29, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Hockey Moms are delicious.

JustPixelz April 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Some taste like soccer moms, some like chicken. It's hard to explain.

weejee April 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Ya gotta be careful not to break a tooth on a puck.

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Get the puck outta here.

cheetojeebus April 29, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Thing is, they're a bitch to prepare properly.

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:46 pm

It just tastes like tuna anyways.

criticaldsj April 29, 2012 at 5:57 pm

There are positions couples can use so that one can live blog an event and get laid at the same time. I would gladly volunteer to assist in experimentation if called upon.

bagofmice April 29, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Ah, the ol laptop on the back trick.

Callyson April 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Whom Did Obama Kill At The White House Correspondents Dinner Last Night?

It has to be said…AOTK…

Bluestatelibel April 29, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Ken Layne never left his house on Saturday night either. What do you think Wonkette is, Rebecca, the Secret Service?

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Ken never left his fuhrerbunker; I mean, god only knows when the zombie apocalypse is going to pop off.

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Rebecca:

You were missed!

Isn't it nice to be wanted? Ask Osama Bin Laden.

If you have to leave the pad to get laid you must be married.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 29, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Babe in a bar: "So what do you do in your spare time?"
Dude interested in Babe in a bar: "I comment on Wonkette!"
Babe in the bar: "I hate anal sex."

AlterNewt April 29, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Wrong bar.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 1:30 am

I take a seven and a half.

DahBoner April 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I hate anal sex

YOU'RE FIRED.

Monsieur_Grumpe April 29, 2012 at 6:54 pm

I heard Newt was not happy with the jokes at his expense but I couldn't see his face when they panned to his enormous head. That was disappointing.

finallyhappy April 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I thought I saw Callista laughing but there are quite a few waxy faced blondes at Washington events so I am not sure

Maman April 29, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I can imagine, but no one was more unhappy than Keith Olbermann..

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

When I saw it on telvision, Gingirch was open-mouthed laughing. He seemed to love it. It wasn't that Trump sneer from yesteryear.

rocktonsam April 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm

haha, in five years, getting laid Saturday night will turn into putting the fat sweats on, order Pizza Hut , slop down Ben and Jerry's while watching re runs of M*A*S*H Saturday night.

cheetojeebus April 29, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Yeah, my Saturday nights are already a joke. A short messy one after which I hate myself.

Radiotherapy April 29, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Srsly, hitting all the political news points, self-deprecating, tasteless, multi-media, picking apart wingtards, machine gunning humor? OK, no skull or butt sechs jokes, but damn if we don't give this guy a Honorary Wonkette Commentor of the Weekend Award.

RavenRant April 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I made a horrible mistake. I went to twitchy.com, Michelled Malkin's new site. The majority of the commenters had convinced themselves that the 'pit bull' joke was actually about oral sex with Sarah Palin. ???

There is no mind so filthy as that of a religious right wingnut. Wonketteers, you're not even in the running. (Sorreeee.)

BarackMyWorld April 29, 2012 at 8:11 pm

THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

Wile E. Quixote April 29, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Of course it doesn't, and you don't want it to. Don't gaze into the abyss, for GOD'S SAKE DON'T STARE INTO THE ABYSS!"

George Spelvin April 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Abyss: <waves>

glamourdammerung April 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Why would anyone want oral sex with someone that quits halfway through everything?

Fare la Volpe April 29, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Even her orgasms are half-assed.

LetUsBray April 29, 2012 at 9:55 pm

In the first place, that is so obviously not what he was talking about, and second, there is not enough brain bleach in the whole damn universe…

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

I feel bad, because I couldn't figure out the joke, and considered that it may have been a double or triple entendre. I still don't get it, and I usually get a lot of subtle humor or entendres..

Veritas78 April 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

It's about the right-wing pretending to get in a snit because, in Obama's autobiography, he talks about eating dog in Indonesia as a child. "Pit bulls are delicious."

Happily, there's a giant dog-whistle in there to Sarah Palin, giving her an opportunity to grab more of the limelight.

And maybe some other stuff, but I think those were the two primary purposes to that riff. Plus, it was a good lead-in to the pre-produced dog jokes.

He has good writers.

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 11:25 pm

No, no, no. I totally get where all the moving parts came from (Sarah Palin, dog-eating, etc…), I just don't get the joke. It doesn't make sense beyond tying a bunch of gratuitous parts together and blurting them out. Unless there is something else to the joke, I just found it self-indulgent and gratuitous, and I generally like what he does. It had a whole Rush Limbaugh, shock-jock, attention-whoring quality to it, but what really turned me off to it is that it doesn't make sense.

I don't know, the whole angle just bothered me in the worst way when I saw it the other night, and I don't consider myself a prude. It seems a lot of folks are going along with it just because, but if I want that kind of humor, I like it from some seedy club comic.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 1:10 am

I have a comment downstream, but I'll reprise the main point here.

Yes, it was blunt and, arguably, offensive. It was also funny, as in: unexpected, contrary to reason, out of sequence, slightly offensive to common beliefs.

Argument in favor: the amount of background noise that followed the "pit bull" joke. This is never again going to be a serious "issue". It's a joke.

Argument against: I, personally, would have been absolutely delighted to deliver that joke. I am an abysmally bad politician.

Rebuttal to argument against: Barack Obama is not an abysmally bad politician.

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:12 pm

OK, I have been wavering for some months, but now I am definitely gay.

bagofmice April 30, 2012 at 3:42 am

Said littlebigdaddy.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:38 am

Welcome to the fold! Your copy of The Agenda is in the mail, as is your discount card for 40% off the latest in fabulous goose-stepping boots.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Yay! More of us, and more FOR us, too!

RavenRant April 30, 2012 at 2:21 am

Sorry, I have been offline for hours. No, there is no intelligent excuse for this bizarre take on the President's remarks. But, since when has that mattered?

He wants to 'eat' Queen Palin, y'all!!1?!!!

Cannibalism/miscegenation/Glen Rice/the 'Sheriff is Near' alarm.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 2:59 am

It is unpossible that they could arrived at this conclusion by dint of thinking. There is no logical process that connects the one thought to the other.

These people are on some FINE drugs, totally FINE, man.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:39 am

They came to that conclusion because they are always thinking about oral sex with Sarah Palin.

Let that horrorfest sink in for a minute.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm

You have ruined my day. Totally fucking ruined it. I think I'll just go downstairs and cut for 30 minutes or so.

Tundra Grifter April 29, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Just the same "Twichy" is enough to keep me away. Who names a website after a junkie?

chascates April 29, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Editrix, you have spoiled the proles by posting on the weekend. Ken almost never did that and once you did that we expect it all the time now. Snark, seven days a week.

BarackMyWorld April 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

"We have to go out and get laid sometime."

Whatever, Rebecca, we've seen you. I'm sure there's no shortage of guys trying to hook up with you the other 6 days of the week.

HistoriCat April 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

There's a good cross-section of Wonkette commenters who would be happy to help out. Wait – you don't suppose she's on of those women who have standards do you?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 3:00 am

If she was, she wouldn't be here.

Some NICE pix of Editrix available via Google. Hotcha, mama!

ETA: But my heart still belongs to KBJ. And Sara Benincasa. And … but you get my drift.

ElPinche April 29, 2012 at 8:20 pm

After the gala event, the Obamas went home and gently removed Chuck Todd's ginger whiskers from their taints. Then they made sweet presidential love til the breakadawn.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

That Chuck Todd reference is beyond vile.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 1:13 am

Of course it was. That's why it was funny.

Lizzie, you're not thinking literally, are you?

ElPinche April 30, 2012 at 1:48 am

Chuck Todd's politico brown nosing is extraordinarily vile.

Wile E. Quixote April 29, 2012 at 8:22 pm

We have to go out and get laid sometime. [Youtube]

I'm disappointed. I clicked on that Youtube link at the end of the sentence "We have to go out and get laid sometime." hoping for a hot and completely NSFW (unless you work at a porn theatre with especially sticky floors) Commiegirl Editrix on Kristen Boyd Johnson video, perhaps starting off with some innocent wine-drinking and hair-braiding that would quickly lead to a tentative kiss and thence to some hot womano y womano action and all I got was some boring C-SPAN video from some boring event with President Obama and a bunch of goddamned villagers. What a rip-off!

CivicHoliday April 29, 2012 at 8:27 pm

That part where Bammerz looks at Michelle and says, "yeah, I sing that to her sometimes"? My ladyparts got all tingly.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 1:14 am

I don't have ladyparts, and I thought that was pretty fucking cool.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 3:02 am

Yeah, *evahbody's* parts got all tingly, hon.

BarackMyWorld April 29, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Maybe you guys can read this and feel better:
White House Correspondents’ Dinner: The party Twitter loves to hate
"I ask one question every year," CBS News' Mark Knoller (who was invited) wrote. "Who are all these people? Didn't see any of them covering [the president] at Ft. Stewart yesterday."

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 11:35 pm

That article would have have more credibility if it hadn't included a slide show of red carpet photos.

and to illustrate exactly how irritating this phenomenon is, here's a slideshow of all the beautiful people

BarackMyWorld April 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

I don't think the author necessarily hates it, but they're saying other people did. Which is promising.

He1senberg April 29, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Well at least Bo didn't joke about wanting to eat…Bo. Surprise he didn't comment on this! http://bit.ly/IyL06M …And wonkette, as someone said, why not just order in on Saturdays?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Who IS that stupid fuck? I hope it's not you. Blogwhoring is not well-regarded here.

He1senberg April 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm

No sir/mam/thing/it…I just think the person who writes it is funny. Assumptions I tell ya Inspector gadget. They get you NOWHERE.

Steverino247 April 29, 2012 at 8:31 pm

The least you could have done was live blog the getting laid.

Designer_Rants April 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"Your EMBEDDED Wonkette is currently having a Deep Throat journalistic moment. Talk about LEAKS!"

sent from my iPhone

smokefilledroommate April 29, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Barry just killed, period.

Chow Yun Flat April 29, 2012 at 8:38 pm

He was shooting fish in a barrel. Tuna fish.

Wile E. Quixote April 29, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Whom Did Obama Kill At The White House Correspondents Dinner Last Night?

Andrew Breitbart? Oh wait, that was like two months ago, never mind.

Boojum April 29, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Dear Ms. Schoenkopf,

I read with interest your reference to "getting laid". I, too, am an aficionado of the sexual arts! I would be extremely interested in corresponding with you regarding this matter.

I can be reached via the Electroteletube device known as the Interwebs.

Very truly yours,

B

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm

BJ: Exactly–put your best foot forward. Maybe she would like some Magic-the Gathering cards to prime the pump.

Boojum April 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

LBD,

Do you think so? I have a fine collection, but was unsure whether to mention it.

Thank you for your kind words. Please advise me if ever you can. I am not quite so experienced as I undoubtedly appear.

Sincerely,

B

Barb April 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I'm done getting laid and I am here. What did I miss?

Spurning Beer April 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Apparently hockey moms do it doggy style, which is delicious. Or something.

George Spelvin April 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Also, Sarko's 50 euromegaclam scandal and a really lovely essay from Commie Mom — if you haven't read it, you oughta.

I was going to ask if you sunburned anything traveling thru Aridzona, but then I remembered that you can't burn through window glass.

Barb April 29, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Hello, George! Love "Aridzona" Always such a pleasure to see you.

The only place I got burned was in the casino. I've never failed as much as I did on this trip. It was exciting to see Tiger Woods play poker. I know he's a horn dog and I accept him as he is.

Commie Mom is fascinating. She's like Forrest Gump in that she's seen so many interesting things in her lifetime.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 12:57 am

I think it's easier to accept Tiger's horndogginess because we know that his ex and kids are pretty well taken care of.

(Blatant request for info): What level was Tiger playing at — 25/50 or hi roller?

My older kid is about to graduate college next week, and then head for Vegas for a couple of months of tournaments. I'm just trolling for possible cash game info.

Barb April 30, 2012 at 1:41 am

I look at a man like Tiger and I see a man who has been manipulated as a child and I could easily understand where he could go crazy as an adult. I wish he would have found this inner freak before he married and had two children. It happened and I am over it. He got spanked by the media for long enough, in my opinion. It is what it is.

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Absolutely nothing-say it again!

Negropolis April 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Whom did Obama kill? Well, from the tenor of a bulk of the jokes, a few dozen metaphorical dogs, apparently.

George Spelvin April 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

One could call that performance "counter-Rovian". Instead of attacking his opponent's strengths, he attacked his own media-related weaknesses with jokes. The self-mocking approach wouldn't work well against serious criticism — e.g., there weren't any drone jokes — but I think it's very effective at inoculating against bullshit. It's gonna be a little harder for any of the attendees to maintain a straight face while writing something about a hot mike, or the GSA or Secret Service, or canine cuisine, given that O has beaten them to the punchline.

Maybe he overdid the canine angle a little, but did you hear the room noise after the first (pit-bull) joke? "He didn't really say that, did he?" repeated several hundred times. It's now a joke. Some of the attendees will even make jokes about it, but it's no longer an "issue", just a joke.

The only thing I didn't like was the Rmoney video, which was stupid-over-the-top, and, what is worse, not funny (except for "Angel" playing behind Bo). I suppose it might have been a warning shot to Team Mittens, but I thought it broke up the flow.

All in all, I like his writers (which may include him, but I assume that the rigors of Presidenting don't allow enough time to personally craft such a good act).

thebeatgoeson April 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm

I don't think I've ever seen Michelle look more gorgeous! What a couple!

George Spelvin April 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

That too.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 3:06 am

(Sigh)

fapfapfapfapfapfapfap

starfanglednut April 30, 2012 at 7:43 am

Indeed.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Sigh.

Geminisunmars April 30, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Was that a ten hour fap?

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Whom did Obama kill? My guess is he sent some bio-engineered insect-sized drones after Assad, but that would just be speculation.

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

But I am ex-CIA…

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 11:27 pm

All the children sing!

littlebigdaddy April 29, 2012 at 11:42 pm

Hey Bungalow Bill. What did you kill? What did you kill?

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 11:50 pm

I think we just found our new nickname for Barry.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 3:07 am

Too close to that OTHER Bill, dear.

Serfville April 30, 2012 at 12:36 am

Needs moar editrix sexytime livebloggin'

gurukalehuru April 30, 2012 at 12:39 am

Go, Rebecca. By all means, have a good time. And liveblog it. Hooo boy.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 1:18 am

I have no visual to respond to, but Diane Keaton is about my age and as far as I'm concerned she can dress however the fuck she wants to. TYVM.

Serfville April 30, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Wa? Huh? I did not say one negative about the way she was dressed. It was the Annie Hall style that's all I said. I really like her too, & she is unique. What's with the f word? Are you kidding? As far as I'm concerned, I can snark however the heck I want to. TYVM INFINITY.

Stevola April 30, 2012 at 2:07 am

Bungalow Barack?

gurukalehuru April 30, 2012 at 6:56 am

Hey, Bungalow Barack, who did you whack, Bungalow Barack?

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 2:18 am

Oh, Editrix. It is this far into the evening that I looked at the supertitle, or whatever.

Needz moar soy sauce indeed.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 3:08 am

Me. He keeeled me so daid, I went and done DIE-IE-IE-IE-AI-YI-YIed from it.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:47 am

Was that a lead in to Uptown Girl?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Sounds like it, don't it? We need some bitchy queens high-kicking in fuchsia pom-pom boots to really nail it.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:27 am

Good enough for Republican math.

actor212 April 30, 2012 at 9:28 am

NO, we didn’t liveblog it. We have to go out and get laid sometime.

You mean to tell me the bounteous ad income from this site is insufficient and you have to work a second job?

oldedinvn April 30, 2012 at 9:28 am

Screw you people what can just go oyt & get layed. Us old, really old people only know negotiable affection. Today, two beautiful ladies mentioned their pay at a dead end job. Wow, they make 2 million dong ($100) a month. Shit, shit ,sgigit. I wish I dint have no conscience. For $300 a month I could have 22 & 25 year olds as wifes & fire the $50 a month house cleaner. Fuck morals, I am going to Harvard B School to have them extracted.

oldedinvn April 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

PS: anyone writting here or commenting ain't not gettin laid.

dandalion April 30, 2012 at 10:30 am

I think its great that he can poke fun at himself! Love the part about his birth and the secret service curfew!

Others just need to stop being a bunch of nancies and put down their purses and take it like a man. Just like I tell my boys about teasing… If you cant take it, don't dish it!

Chet Kincaid April 30, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Alright, which one of you fuckers is Barack Obama?!

Hedley_Lamarr April 29, 2012 at 5:54 pm

YOU TO GET BIG CLAP

Fare la Volpe April 29, 2012 at 8:05 pm

What makes you think they're not the same man?

RavenRant April 29, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Failure of imagination. I'm just an amateur in the pro leagues of WWII kink.

Designer_Rants April 29, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Hey, 90% of pro league WWII kink is just showin' up.

Limeylizzie April 29, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Showing up and refusing to give any answers to the fierce, yet attractive, and cruel Waffen SS .

Veritas78 April 29, 2012 at 10:56 pm

It's an easy chance to poke her with a sharp stick, and she's enough of an egotist to bite: expect some stupid retort in the next news cycle.

Which will serve our purpose of keeping the Krazies in sight. They picked Mitt because they can hide behind him better.

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 5:51 am

Wasn't that good? There was still audience noise well into his next lines.
"Did you hear that?"

That's the sound of a non-issue.

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm

No one move a muscle!

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 1:01 am

As the caissons go rolling along!

not that Dewey April 30, 2012 at 1:17 am

We are no monsters, we're moral people.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 30, 2012 at 1:28 am

Priests and cannibals are people, my friend

George Spelvin April 30, 2012 at 2:00 am

My previous (unpublished) reply originally contained several paragraphs about my own marital history, and speculations about whether it would have been different if I had ever made more than $300K a year. (Answer: I don't know, because it never happened).

I didn't even think about the fact that he was trained from toddlerhood to play golf, period. Good point.

Ultimately, my point was that I don't get emotionally invested in the lives of rich celebrities, because they're all going to be as all right as anyone can expect, because of money.

memzilla April 30, 2012 at 3:27 am

1. Guten Abend. Ihre papiere, bitte.

2. Good evening. Your papers, please.

Works in 1938 Bavaria and SB 1070 Arizona.

The difference is, you can't get good Mexican food in Bavaria, and no one's gonna be having sexual fantasies about an Arizona trooper.

Fare la Volpe April 30, 2012 at 7:29 am

The KKKrazies are already sputtering that it was a joke about having oral sex with Sarah Palin.

Projection? What's that?

12X34X April 30, 2012 at 3:01 pm

And who is Romney, the rebaptizer of dead Jewish people, going to hide behind? He's just a wingnut with a nicer suit.

Dashboard Buddha April 30, 2012 at 8:38 am

"no one's gonna be having sexual fantasies about an Arizona trooper. "

Oh, someone will. How do you think we keep getting all of those little troopers?

Barb April 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

My first husband, Mike was born wealthy. Money didn't keep him from growing up to be one of those people who collects rainwater, guns and canned meat for the race war.

Mike recently told our two daughters that he is ashamed of them because they married men who cannot take care of them when the race war starts. Ian and Jason can't hunt a deer, skin it and make clothes out of it. They are both lawyers, damn them!

If millions and millions of dollars mattered, Mike wouldn't be trying to scare two, eight-month pregnant girls that the world is going to end because of the "brown people." Money is not the lovely deodorant that many people think it is.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Well-argued.

Geminisunmars April 30, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I cheered at that joke. It was his "Audacity of Joke" moment, for me.

Plus, good analysis. Or, because we are here at Wonkette: Good anal, Sis.

Preferred Customer April 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Well, my day has been made by this exchange.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 30, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Always with the buttsechs, you two!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 1, 2012 at 12:01 am

Who's counting?

Sigh.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: