FUNNY PICTURES  6:58 pm April 27, 2012

Let’s All Point and Laugh at Mitt Romney Boring Students to Sleep

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Avoid heavy machinery for several hours afterward.

Here is a delightful screen grab of Mitt Romney somberly detailing his method for making sweet love to money as the college students seated behind him on stage slip into comas.

Let’s have a quick sample from the speech transcript:

What we found was they were spending a lot more than I thought on copy paper and toner and supplies and software and so forth.

Heavens. Mitt Romney should come with a warning label. [TPM]

 
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{ 205 comments }

PuckStopsHere April 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I think I had this guy for Humanities. I fell asleep during the lectures, too.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 8:06 pm

It is not possible that you had Mittens for "Humanities."

JoeHoya April 27, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Now, now. Mitt has spent his entire life cycle studying "hu-mans."

Schmannnity April 27, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Catch the mild febrile feeling.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Catch the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz …

Angry_Marmot April 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Catch the beige rainbow.

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Ecru, Bruté?

smokefilledroommate April 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Boring U

philpjfry April 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Don't laugh, this is how he plans to take over the world. Put every body to sleep and then the world is his. Man he is boring though

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 10:13 pm

The Matrix; it's a manual, essentially.

Chow Yun Flat April 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

You would think the sponsors of the event would get Young Republicans eager to hear Mitt or at least tanked on caffeine and meth to stay alert during his speech as a backdrop.

Oh, they did?

Never mind.

CountryClubJihadi April 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Slow Jamming The… Snooze.

RavenRant April 27, 2012 at 9:06 pm

I am stealing this. Sorry.

rocktonsam April 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Today, we are all put to asleep by Mittenz.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Today and every day, bub.

Exhausted66 April 27, 2012 at 7:09 pm

You know how I'm gonna relate to these kids? I'll take my tie off. That'll do it.

Texan_Bulldog April 27, 2012 at 7:30 pm

He should have donned a pair of dungarees like all the cool kids are wearing these days.

DemmeFatale April 28, 2012 at 10:29 am

And that crease that Ann has the dry cleaners add would really wow them, too!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 8:32 pm

He shoulda took off his pants. No, wait. No.

SmutBoffin April 27, 2012 at 7:10 pm

"…and then I thought, 'We could save money on breakroom condiments if the folks who went out for lunch brought back ketchup packets from Quiznos'. That's how I became Bain Capital's top analyst.

True story. Vote for me this November!"

SorosBot April 27, 2012 at 7:11 pm

He's even a better insomnia cure than televised golf.

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Ha! My dad used to watch golf and as much as he loved the game even he was asleep in minutes.

DemmeFatale April 28, 2012 at 10:33 am

Snap!
When we lived in England, my dad used to fall asleep to cricket matches!

SayItWithWookies April 28, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well you can't expect anyone to stay up for three straight days.

not that Dewey April 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Or "Star Trek, Next Generation"

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 10:04 pm

PICARD LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SorosBot April 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Only if it's first or second season; most of the rest is golden (well, except Sub Rosa but that was so bad it's fun to watch and mock).

not that Dewey April 27, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Netflix has the whole series, now; I'm up to Season 2, Episode 8. I have no trouble falling asleep. Other than that I've seen randomly ordered episodes, with no idea when they were produced. In general, they are great. I just like to needle nerds.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

I've been terrified by what I've become because I've found myself watching golf on Sunday's from time-to-time, and actually enjoying it. lol But, enjoying it in the since of something to do on a lazy Sunday, instead of heart palpitation Superbowl/college bowl game excitement.

DemmeFatale April 28, 2012 at 10:39 am

My mom makes me watch it. When all I can focus on is the ridiculous outfits, I know I'm losing it.
(Thank God for baseball!)

valgal2342 April 28, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Golf is great background TV for sexy time. All you hear is whispering voices and the occasional polite applause.

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 12:30 am

You mean there's no polite applause during sex without televised golf?

Warwhatgoodfor April 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I used to be forced to watch this in black and white in the 1950's. My father could have cared less, but his best friend loved it. I truly believe this was perfect training leading to my first place standing in "falling to sleep in less than 30 seconds in medical school lectures when the lights went out". Who could have known how useful this training would turn out to be?

Lascauxcaveman April 27, 2012 at 7:12 pm

That girl on the lower right is trying to sleep, but she missed lunch and she's SO FUCKING HUNGRY. The glasses kid on the left is sound asleep, with his eyes open (something we bespectacled guys do fairly well, for some reason.)

Sharkey April 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I think the girl is wondering why his butt is shaped so funny. She can't stop staring at it, no matter how hard she tries.

Either that or she hates him.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Can't…
Stop…
Staring…
It's his butt. It's not even an especially attractive butt; it's like it's hypnotic or something.

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 9:46 am

I know; it's like a lava lamp.

Warwhatgoodfor April 27, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That sleep thing, we learned that in med school 101. Seconds the lights went out brain went into sleep mode. Still happens. Dentists tell me I snore while having root canals. Seriously.

Boojum April 27, 2012 at 9:07 pm

The guy on the bottom left is imagining what it would be like to punch Mitt in the throat.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I have a cousin who falls asleep with his eyes open, and did it ever since he was a child. It scared us, at first, but then it got to be fun, well, for the rest of us, of course.

Dalhyp April 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Wow, you know, as a stage hypnotist, that's kinda of the effect we go for.

OldWhiteLies April 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Is it me, or does anyone else think that – just looking at those students – without already knowing the circa of that pic, the decade of origin would be hard to discern?

I mean one can be fairly certain it isn't the 60s or 70s for various reasons. But tell me this pic couldn't be from various points in any of the last 2, maybe 3 decades.

Oddly unsettling.

OneYieldRegular April 27, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Sleep, nothing. Those kids look drugged.

Callyson April 27, 2012 at 7:18 pm

After watching the video, I just want to say ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

Callyson April 28, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Just got back from sitting out on the patio with a friend, actually…such a beautiful day today. Bet those kids sitting behind Mittens wish they could have been outside too, even if it were cold and snowing…

Sharkey April 27, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I call this drug GWB. It is a vile, despicable date rape drug that is sweeping the nation.

Schmannnity April 27, 2012 at 7:27 pm

I tried GWB once and I was wrecked. I couldn't talk right for days. I couldn't conjugate and started making up words like strategery, misunderestimate, and other gibberish.

Generation[redacted] April 27, 2012 at 8:01 pm

I read about Army experiments with GWB. Large numbers of troops woke up in the wrong country wondering, "How the fuck did we get here?"

Lascauxcaveman April 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm

And many of them continue to have flashbacks of that to this very day, despite the liberal application of that promising new antidote BHO, that came out to much hoopla in early 2009. Results of its use have been mixed, and somewhat disappointing.

MilwaukeeKent April 27, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Makes it hard to put food on the family, too.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I took GWB, once. I woke up after eight years discovering that I'd started two, unfunded city council wars and driving my personal finances into the ground.

AlterNewt April 28, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Some say it causes cotton-mouth and legacy-wallet.

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 10:06 pm

And conscience cancer.

EtchySketchy April 27, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Meh Panels.

Schmannnity April 27, 2012 at 7:21 pm

"What we found was they were spending a lot more than I thought on copy paper and toner and supplies and software and so forth."

Alright. A agree to vote for him for chief procurement officer for the Salt Lake City division.

Dudleydidwrong April 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm

I thought that Hedley Lamarr was chief procurement officer for the Salt Lake City division. Isn't Rock Ridge in Utah?

rickmaci April 27, 2012 at 7:23 pm

I would say he ranks right up there with drying paint for boring but that would be unfair to the paint.

Warwhatgoodfor April 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Watching grass grow. Also

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm

No way! Growing grass has little bugs and earthworms and floral heads and all kinds of small life, plus pollen to make you sneeze and swell your eyes up like softballs. Mitt? I'm amazed they didn't have forklifts on standby to cart the attendees away.

Warwhatgoodfor April 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm

OMG. Who knew. All that time I wasted watching paint dry. I am so humiliated. There was even a drying paint ad on the tv a few years ago. Bunch of oldsters sitting around on classic lawn chairs looking up at a 1920's house commenting about the interesting patterns of te drying paint. As a not to proud very ex Iowa type I was probably the only person on the whole east coast who got the joke.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:52 pm

Stick with me, kid. You'd be amazed at all the things us oldsters know. None of it of any USE, of course, but still!

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Watching dresszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzage.

Jimmyone April 28, 2012 at 11:12 am

I prefer the "watching the mountains erode", to drying paint. Painting requires some sort of action before hand. Whilst the mountains are done already. Sheesh, at least in Colorado I get to watch the grass grow AND mountains erode, can't get any better than that.

edgydrifter April 27, 2012 at 7:25 pm

It's nice to see Tim Pawlenty was able to find work as a speechwriter.

Bluestatelibel April 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Ultimately, Mittens saved that company $535 in paper and toner costs annually, and charged them $300,000 in "consulting fees." Win! Thanks Mr. Office Busy Body!

LetUsBray April 27, 2012 at 9:37 pm

And recommended that they lay off 10 employees to pay for his fee. He likes to to describe this episode as a "humorous story".

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

"And then all the poor people got foreclosed on, and they all died of starvation and exposure. It was a real stitch."

rambone April 27, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Oooh! I sense caption contest material!

I'm gonna go with "So I told Ann, 'Assfucking is too, OK in the Mormon bible!' And then she whipped out a strap-on dildo and I thought to myself, 'Oh boy, I wish I hadn't used up all the Astroglide on my hair!'"

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Comment of the day. *belly laughing*

Radiotherapy April 27, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I don't think they'd be sleeping though.

Geminisunmars April 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Except that Mshitts could make even the above speech boring.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:01 pm

My suggestion for the caption:

"No, really, don't you think I look like Bruce Campbell? Not even a little bit? Anyone?"

ChessieNefercat April 28, 2012 at 8:58 am

I'll bet if he would just strap on the chainsaw arm and wave it around, those kids would perk up.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:05 pm

"One time, at vulture capitalist camp…"

Texan_Bulldog April 27, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I think they're all thinking any combo of the following:

a) I better get the money I was promised for sitting here.
b) Shit, I knew I shouldn't have skipped calculus.
c) This guy better not pretend to pull a quarter out of my ear again.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 7:38 pm

The central theme Romney drove home was the fact that “sometimes appearances do not conform with the facts or reality,” and he applied it to such topics as the office supply industry, the intricacies of tax filing law and Dodd-Frank financial legislation.

My God, Steve Jobs' classic commencement address of a few years ago must be deleted from youtube in the face of this brilliance!!

“I have several examples of disparity between appearance and reality,” Romney said, launching into a lengthy monologue about his time as a private equity investor, when he discovered — to his critics’ chagrin! — that potential annual savings on office supplies were significant enough to justify an investment in bigger stores that could make their profits on higher sales volume rather than bigger mark-ups.

Office supplies are people too! And framing this in terms of office supplies is a great way to avoid mentioning the people you have fucked out of jobs!

Herb Kornfeld wept.

Generation[redacted] April 27, 2012 at 8:02 pm

When North Korea gets the bomb, the first question I ask is, "What would office supplies do?"

Bluestatelibel April 27, 2012 at 8:23 pm

There's nothing like office supplies to excite the young people!

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2012 at 8:52 pm

He's spinning in his grave. But worry not: Yon Baby Prince H tha Stone' Col Biz-ook-kizeepin' Muthafukkin' Badass Supastar Kornfeld tha Second — AKA — Tanner will have his revenge.

fuflans April 27, 2012 at 10:23 pm

wow a herb kornfeld reference.

sweet.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

"Herb Kornfeld wept."

*pours Liquid Paper onto ground in memory of Tha H-Dogg*

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:05 pm

"The central theme Romney drove home was the fact that “sometimes appearances do not conform with the facts or reality,”"

He WAS going to tell them to remember to always wear sunscreen, but Lee Perry beat him to it.*

*apparently it was Lee Perry, not Kurt Vonnegut

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Thank deities it wasn't *Rick* Perry, god knows WUT shit he would've been telling the kidz.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 28, 2012 at 8:54 am

Considering that Staples has just about the worst prices for printer ink and toner anywhere, this is an excellent and informative example of what Romney actually delivers. "Disparity between appearance and reality" indeed.

BarackMyWorld April 27, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Osama Bin Laden is dead, General Motors is alive, and Mitt Romney is boring us to death.

JackDempsey1 April 27, 2012 at 7:46 pm

It does appear that Romney received a less than rousing welcome at Otterbein U.
Which is odd, because you'd expect that he'd be wildly popular at a place named after germanic river rodents.

MilwaukeeKent April 27, 2012 at 10:26 pm

I'd never heard of the place before and had to check twice to see this wasn't sourced to The Onion. Thought maybe it was an inside joke, like the name of a fictional college in a latter National Lampoon movie.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:06 pm

"Wind in the Willows" libel!

vulpes82 April 27, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Otters are mustelids (along with weasels, martens, and WOLVERINES), not rodents. /pedantic

bagofmice April 28, 2012 at 1:29 am

By teaching us this fact you have truly earned the title of pedant /meta-pedantry.

Veritas78 April 28, 2012 at 11:18 pm

THIS is why I read Wonkette.

Plus the butt-sects.

DerrickWildcat April 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Did you know that only 10% of paper clips are used to hold paper together?
Well, I don't know the exact number, but i think it sounds about right.

Geminisunmars April 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm

Besides holding glass-frames together, what do the other 90% do?

MilwaukeeKent April 27, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I used a snip of one to replace the hinge pin on my Zippo the other day. Many end up cleaning fingernails or flying off of rubberbands. Some are scattered by middle management, like bread crumbs in the woods, to help them retrace their steps in large cubicle farms. By far, the largest percentage of paper clips end up chained together, draped across work spaces, where they lend that certain quality I like to refer to as "piss elegance".

Lascauxcaveman April 28, 2012 at 12:12 am

Remember the good old days, when your computer had a floppy drive, which wouldn't eject it's disc sometimes (about half the time, IIRC), and you had to unbend a paperclip and poke it into the tiny hole next to the disc slot to pop out the disc?

Then you could use the bent paperclip to affix an onion to your belt.

Good, solid, old-school technology.

MilwaukeeKent April 28, 2012 at 1:15 am

Good times, That's why I live in the Onion Belt! In fact to this day some of us still use thin slices of onion to clean out floppy drives and the like. It's just that…you know…kids these days…

bagofmice April 28, 2012 at 1:31 am

Apple probably created half of the demand. When you buy an iPhone, you get a charger, earbuds, and a paper clip.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:56 pm

They're great as roach-clips (if you're into that sort of thing), pipe cleaners, general schmutz-removers, cat toenail-cleaners, and the like. You'd be amazed.

Hell, *I'm* amazed.

ChessieNefercat April 28, 2012 at 9:01 am

I'm amazed at the concept of cleaning a cat's toenails, with anything. Do they like it?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 3:38 pm

No, of course not, the little shits are most ungracious about anything one has to do to them. But if they're narcolepts (like our very own Maduberdooberdoobie), they pass out instantly once you upend them, and then you can carefully run an unbent paper clip along their toenails and relieve them of some of that tremendous burden of schmutz they like to drag with them everywhere. His Highness Teh Senior Cat just insisted on Breakfast in Bed (he's old, and he's been sick, what can ya do?) and left me several enormous pine sprays as a tip. WUT???

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 1:26 am

20% of Pareto Principle analyses account for 80% of all the bullshit that we have to read in the papers.

DemmeFatale April 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

My daughter made a Halloween costume out of paper clips and duct tape.
(I still find paper clips around the house!)

Doktor StrangeZoom April 27, 2012 at 7:48 pm

This is one of those drones I keep hearing about, isn't it?

soeoho April 27, 2012 at 8:09 pm

If it acts like a drone and looks like a drone it must be making a bloody good droning sound. The kind that makes me fall asle

Gleem McShineys April 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm

This one is unmanned, definitely.

Loaded with weapons of meh's destruction

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Upfisted and possibly even stolen for future use.

Lascauxcaveman April 27, 2012 at 8:50 pm

It's a bomb of some kind. No, not a smart bomb. I think we can rule out incendiary, as well.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Yes, a "meh"dator drone.

JackObin April 27, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Another victim of mormon sobrietry. I fall asleep just looking at that twerp.

elviouslyqueer April 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Lunesta, meet your biggest competition.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Perhaps I should start playing his speeches of nights, now that insomnia is driving me crazzzzzzzzzzzzz

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Ambien libel!

Sorry, the bitch set me up!

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 7:51 pm

His rallies are going to be awesome.

ChessieNefercat April 28, 2012 at 9:05 am

Especially with all the dejected, unneeded, Lunesta butterflies sitting around with their sad little wings drooping and their pretty green glow fading.

(h/t to elviouslyqueer for the Lunesta reference.)

ManchuCandidate April 27, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I once tied an onion to my belt as it was the style at the time…

AlterNewt April 28, 2012 at 8:22 pm

"…They didn't have white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones."

FlownOver April 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Half of them are thinking "I could have had a Ron Paul!"

Steverino247 April 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

And from the look on Romney's face, he's reading this shit off a TelePrompTer, too.

Chow Yun Flat April 27, 2012 at 7:56 pm

The first thing I look for in a presidential candidate is familiarity with the price of office supplies.

Tundra Grifter April 27, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Unfortuantely, that would be President of Dunder Mifflin, not of the US of A.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:13 pm

That, and the ability to stuff his crotch.

Veritas78 April 28, 2012 at 11:22 pm

The price of office supplies 30 years ago. Back when there were offices that people worked in.

soeoho April 27, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

Radiotherapy April 27, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Blah, blah, blah…blah…blah…blah…blah, blah, blah.

Geminisunmars April 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Where? I don't see any. Well, that one brown guy maybe.

SexySmurf April 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

What we found was they were spending a lot more than I thought on copy paper and toner and supplies and software and so forth.

Do Mormons not believe in commas?

Geminisunmars April 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

Those would be the Mormmas.

Dudleydidwrong April 27, 2012 at 10:14 pm

His wife is named "And," not "comma." He always works her name into his spellbinding oratorical ejaculations.

bagofmice April 28, 2012 at 1:35 am

Don't tickle the tumblers, I'm running for office for goodness sake!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Mitt never did get that second 'm' down. So he's busy putting his audience in a coma, when he should be putting a comma in his sentences.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:15 pm

They don't believe in any sort of punctuation outside of marriage.

Lascauxcaveman April 28, 2012 at 12:26 am

"And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and …"

That passage is from the book of Mormon, isn't it?

Generation[redacted] April 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

People! People! He's trying to save you money on paper clips!

ChessieNefercat April 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

If those students had brought paper clips to the talk, they could have straightened them out and used them to jab themselves awake.

BigSkullF*ckingDog April 27, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Side effects of exposure to Mitt Romney may include, drowsiness, thoughts of suicide and explosive diarrhea.

soeoho April 27, 2012 at 8:13 pm

and that was the results of just the lab-rat study

Tundra Grifter April 27, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Vivid, unusual, or strange dreams.

We watch the evening national news, so we get more than our fill of medical ads on the tv.

Actually, my favorite side effect (in an academic sense, of course) is "death."

Wile E. Quixote April 27, 2012 at 8:20 pm

What should you do in the rare event of an erection lasting more than four hours?

Geminisunmars April 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

That only occurs at Obama's gatherings.

Boojum April 27, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Fuck. Repeatedly.

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm

I think your're mixing up one of those side effects. Explosive diarrhea is a side effect of Santorum.

Tundra Grifter April 27, 2012 at 8:17 pm

There sure are a lotta white folks right there. More vanilla than you could find at a Ben & Jerry's factory.

Chow Yun Flat April 27, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Most exciting thing to hit Otterbein University since the big lay preacher dust-up back in 1906.

johnnyzhivago April 27, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Americans can use a good nap – and Mitt is just the man to get us into it!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:59 pm

He *said* Americans were tired of being tired. He's gonna put us all down for naptime. Then we won't feel tired no moah.

rocktonsam April 27, 2012 at 8:24 pm

sleep my ass, I'll double the interest on their student loans, that should wake up these slackers and get off the pot too also!

Oh and a mission to Iran in 2013, oh now you're awake you little jerk offs

didgen April 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Wait stop all I heard was repub… doesn't that mean go back to the pub? Aw shit….

finallyhappy April 27, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I have fairly serious insomnia- every night. I think I may have found a solution- and it's not habit forming like ambien.

imissopus April 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

I'm really regretting buying a ream of paper and a lap desk at Staples yesterday.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:16 pm

You shoulda bought a ream of paper and a lap *dance*.

bagofmice April 28, 2012 at 1:37 am

Make it rain!

HistoriCat April 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm

You can get THOSE at Staples?!?

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Maybe at the Staples in Tokyo.

Gleem McShineys April 27, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Prescriptions often warn you not to operate heavy machinery, but how does it work if you ARE heavy machinery??

Radiotherapy April 27, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Y también, the people backdrop, isn't that Obama's idea? I mean another thing he doesn't get credit for.

Gleem McShineys April 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

Fresh New Hotness: SNORE DIAMONDS

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm

You're in FINE form today, Gleem!

Dashboard Buddha April 27, 2012 at 8:45 pm

If Mitt gets elected, it will be bad news for Dunder Mifflin

Beowoof April 27, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Looks like any class at 8:00AM on Friday morning after Thursday night partying, And of course Mitt with all the speaking ability of a your grandfather telling you stories for the 100th time is clearly charming them.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Otterbein? Like the Kraftwerk cover band?

Limeylizzie April 27, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Fucking hell, this has been a really boring night , first I went to the Turkish Film Festival at Lincoln Center, by myself,so no-one to talk to, the film broke down 5 times, the subtitles were all over the place, Turks are really beautiful, but I gave up and left after 45 minutes of them dicking around and I come home to this fucking boring, lip-smacking, tight-assed, lying sack of shit.

Lascauxcaveman April 28, 2012 at 1:58 am

Lizzie, your lamentations make me wish I was there to massage your feet with aromatic oils, while I read for you selections from The Rubiyat of Omar Al Khyyam, in my rich, sonorous voice.*

(*my wife says I sound just like Rick Moranis.)

Butch_Wagstaff April 27, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Zzzzzzzz….*snort*…I'll be right, baby, I just have to take a piss…I'll be right back…y'know I love you, right?

chascates April 27, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Listen, and understand. That politician is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are bored shitless.

ThundercatHo April 27, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Do we get to throw him in the vat of molten metal before or after the election?

chascates April 27, 2012 at 11:00 pm

We'd better get all five sons as well. I suspect a political dynasty here.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

Well, gee, he should be stopping about any second now, then, cause there ain't so much as a micromote of shit left unbored in me, dood. Geezus fucking J. H. Christ and his Black brother Harry, this guy is a stiff. And I mean that in the worst way.

Barrelhse April 27, 2012 at 9:36 pm

When a dick-filled asshole can appear to be the Republican nominee, I fail to see the disparity.

LetUsBray April 27, 2012 at 9:42 pm

C'mon, that image isn't even the most uproarious thing Willard accomplished today. I'm not good at the HTML thing, but he told struggling students that they should just borrow the money from their parents:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/04/27/mittastroph

not that Dewey April 27, 2012 at 9:43 pm
Chichikovovich April 27, 2012 at 9:44 pm

That video was kind of like The Graduate. Or rather, what The Graduate would be like if it didn't have Katharine Ross, or Ann Bancroft's stockinged leg, or the climactic scene at the wedding, or the crucifix used to bolt the door, or any of that. Just this clip looping over and over again for two hours:

Mr. Romney: [behind Benjamin] Ben.
Benjamin: [to Joanne] Excuse me.
[turns]
Benjamin: Mr. Romney.
Mr. Romney: Ben.
Benjamin: Mr. Romney.
Mr Romney (voice heavy with portent): Come with me for a minute – I want to talk to you…Excuse us, Joanne.
(They move to a Quiet Room)
Mr. Romney: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. Romney: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. Romney: Staples.

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

Are you trying to seduce me, Mr Romney?

not that Dewey April 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Ambien — the Official Sponsor of Mitt Romney

Doktor StrangeZoom April 27, 2012 at 11:42 pm

When Ambien can't sleep, it takes Mitt Romney.

He's The Least Interesting Man In the World

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 12:13 am

Where the hell did you find that?

You got sleeping pills in my sedatives

You got sedatives in my sleeping pills

Two great tastes that zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Doktor StrangeZoom April 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

It was originally on Real Time with Bill Maher; I found the link on the "Dispatches from the Culture Wars" blog.

not that Dewey April 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Damn. Does that mean I have to start watching Bill Maher, with all the shouting?

AnAmericanInTO April 27, 2012 at 9:46 pm

This is the same school where Mittens was advising America's Future to borrow start-up money from their parents if they want to start a business – you know, like his cool business owning friend did.
http://thinkprogress.org/special/2012/04/27/47309

Chichikovovich April 27, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Yes, Mitt said that his pal borrowed $20,000 from the folks, according to online company hagiography it was $25,000 in 1983. Checked my handy internet inflation calculator, and that $25,000 in 1983 is about $60,000 in today's dollars. More than the median American household earns in a year and a half.

So clearly the first thing most young folks need to do to follow Mitt's helpful advice is to get some new parents.

Blueb4sunrise April 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm

It's gonna be a long summer of making fun of this asshole, but NEVER think that it's in the bag. Take a break at times to get refreshed; there's plenty of us to pick up the slack; but return to ridicule again and again!!!!!.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Indeedy!

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm

"And so forth", indeed, Willard Mittens Romney, Esquire the Third.

Truly, it is hard out there for a pimp.

fuflans April 27, 2012 at 10:24 pm

mitt told us we're tired.

this is why we're tired.

fuflans April 27, 2012 at 10:25 pm

i once had to pay a hundred dollars for kicking the copier in a fit of pique.

this is a true fact.

Dudleydidwrong April 27, 2012 at 10:30 pm

(Sleeping student in gray sweater suddenly wakes up in the middle of Mitt's address):

"Shit! Where the hell am I? Who the hell is that?"

Semi-comatose next-door neighbor: "Mitt Romney, the next president of the US."

Gray sweater immediately leaves this exciting activity, goes to registrar's office, and transfers to McGill University.

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Rick Santorum put them all to sleep in church.
Mitt puts them all to sleep in school.
I'm sure there's some greater significance to this, but I-zzzzzzzzzz…
*klunk*

tessiee April 27, 2012 at 11:08 pm

I suspect this has something to do with Romney not being allowed to drink coffee: "If I can't stay awake, then by God and by damn, NOBODY can stay awake!!"

Negropolis April 27, 2012 at 11:12 pm

Imagine Ben Stein. Now, imagine Ben Stein extolling the virtues of using Clear Eyes in a massive lecture hall. Now, imagine that you're the only one in said lecture hall. Now, imagine they locked the doors and Ben Stein was immortal and untired.

This is hell.

barto April 27, 2012 at 11:38 pm

and aren't those the paid interns in the background??

Negropolis April 28, 2012 at 12:54 am

Silly, Romney doesn't pay interns. How gauche!

BTWBFDIMHO April 27, 2012 at 11:54 pm

They had a bad dream this afternoon.

ttommyunger April 28, 2012 at 12:00 am

Many faces, one thought: "KILL ME NOW!"

johnnyzhivago April 28, 2012 at 6:28 am

Spending too much on office supplies Mitt??? Stop shopping at fucking Staples!!!

Isn't his one actual claim to business fame that he started an overpriced office supply chain??????????

smitallica April 28, 2012 at 9:57 am

Otterbein University. The Proud Choice For Methodists Too Poor or Smart to Get Into SMU.

spareme April 28, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Say what you want about Joe Biden – at least you don't fall asleep when he's speaking. Plus, you never know who he's gonna stick it to.

Warwhatgoodfor April 28, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Not looking too bad yourself. As an official old-enough-to-be-collecting-SS-but not -old-enough-to-want-it-yet, I will state that I still like looking at girls, but I can't remember why. Of all the things I've last over the years, I miss my mind the most.

Warwhatgoodfor April 28, 2012 at 11:11 pm

OK. Looking at your avatar, I want to ask you to be one of my pallbearers. Thirty years ago I would have had a different request, but at this point, I can't remember what it was. Something to do with having babies, but the rest is just gone.

Doktor StrangeZoom April 28, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Not at all! Just wait for the web to filter the good stuff to other sites, and avoid the dross.

And the gross.

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 12:26 am

Thank you, Internet Jesus.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 29, 2012 at 1:07 am

I guess this is where I do the obligatory "can't have babies, what with being a bi guy and all." The avs are just for fun because notTHAT Dewey suggested that everytime I adopt one of the Repuglycan't avs, said Repuglycan't sinks like a stone in the polls. And since Ann is campaigning for Mitt …

not that Dewey April 29, 2012 at 2:07 am

I didn't so much "suggest it' as I did "state a true fact". Correlation, causation, etc etc

Warwhatgoodfor April 29, 2012 at 11:19 am

Oh well,what the hell. Can't say that the marine on Saipan in '44 is me either. Just went with the song. He is my grandson however. So the pallbearer thing is still on?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 29, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Oh, hell, yeah, I'm good wit dat. Long as I've got my cane and my glasses I should be able to hoist yon coffin wiv ease. So that handsome young lad is your grandson, eh?

Dang, you must be as old as dirt!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm

True! And I just found yet ANOTHER Ann Rmoney story that will, hopefully, sink her faster than a stone — Ann MintMorMoney is *glad* that many women *don't* have a choice about being SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Moms, for those unfamiliar with the cutesy jargon of iVileage, or whatever that wretched site is). GLAD, I tells ya! Think she might have a bigger tin ear than Mint?

Warwhatgoodfor April 29, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Well, as I once said to general Pershing, if he lives long enough, he might grow up to be a fine soldier someday. Grant was sitting in the sun in a wheel chair an just grunted. He always was a bit on the silent side.Sent from my iPhone

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