CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?  4:41 pm April 27, 2012

Catholic Church Reaching Around To Jews and Muslims Over Shared Hatred Of Gays

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

NSFW!Religionists in Gaye Olde Britain are all in a bother because “Equalities Minister” (get a real job) Lynne Featherstone “launched a national consultation on how same-sex marriage might be introduced.”

“Indeed not!” said the papal nuncio! “Over our dead bodies!” said some Islamists. “So what who cayuhs,” said most of the Jews. But the papal nuncio was heartened by the reaction of (some of) the Jews and (many of) the Islamists, and declared a new ecumenicism — a catholicism, if you will! — in the shared facing of this common threat: some chaps and lassies what like each other. And picking up from their pals across the pond (US!), a few of them even figured out that letting someone else do something you don’t like could be interpreted as a war on you! To the battlestations! Man the ramparts!

In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an “attack” on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

Oy, gevalt! Say, chaps, shall we have a spot of #WAR?

Addressing English and Welsh bishops at their plenary meeting in Leeds, Archbishop Mennini, warned them they faced a “lengthy and probably difficult campaign”.

“I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.

[...]

Speaking in London yesterday the second most senior active Catholic cleric in England and Wales, Archbishop Peter Smith, of Southwark, said there had been no “formal” contact with Jewish groups to form a united front on the subject of marriage.

But he said: “We will work with anyone who agrees with us that to redefine marriage is not a good thing for society and will lead to more confusion.”

But with all that reaching around to other faiths, did they head over to the abbey and reach out to the nuns? Haha, we kid! Nuns are WOMEN! [Telegraph, via Towleroad]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 105 comments }

FlownOver April 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

"all that reaching around to other faiths…"

Oh, you slyboots!

actor212 April 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Muslims,
And everybody hates the Jews Gays.

National Brotherhood Week!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

TL FTW!

actor212 April 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

The man was positively prescient.

sullivanst April 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Has he been hanging around the Upper West Side recently?

bureaucrap April 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Not so much that he was prescient as that — plus la change plus le meme chose — that sorta thing.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 9:59 pm

You never say that to *me,* Biely.

Biel_ze_Bubba April 28, 2012 at 11:58 pm

You don't want me praising you … what would the neighbors think?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 29, 2012 at 12:57 am

Praising, as it were, with faint damns, I'm sure.

Wile E. Quixote April 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Awesome Tom Lehrer reference! Take me now you stallion!

FakaktaSouth April 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

I know this makes me a racist of some sort, but am I the only person who finds the idea of a Scottish Muslim hilarious? I just can't picture the outfit one would wear without laughing.

actor212 April 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

A really long kilt?

I'm trying to work out the accent, myself.

savethispatient April 27, 2012 at 5:27 pm

The weird thing about going for a curry (i.e. Pakistani/Bangladeshi food) in Scotland is that generally the waiters speak with a broad Scottish accent, whereas in England they would often have a Pakistani accent. For some reason, the Scots accent overwhelms anything else.

LetUsBray April 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Mrs. Bray went to an Indian diner during her travels in Scotland. The guy running the joint looked like Apu, but sounded like Groundskeeper Willie.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

As Salaam Mac Loch Ness, Laddie!!

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 27, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Allah Akbarrrargh.

bagofmice April 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm
Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Years ago, when I was getting stoned with some pals in Santa Cruz, we would crack ourselves up over the idea of Irish-Jamaican-East-Indian Leprechauns and their amusing folkloric sayings, most of which have now been lost to the pot-mists of time.

We were also fond of going into antique shops, lifting the lids off bowls and jars, and shouting, "404! Stash not found!"

EDIT: Actually, I believe I have read that it's a true fact that Irish immigration contributed to the Jamaican accent. But I am too high to look that up right now.

Veritas78 April 27, 2012 at 6:10 pm

I don't think there's anything funny at all about my burkilta.

Negropolis April 28, 2012 at 1:02 am

Burkilta FTW! LOL!

gurukalehuru April 28, 2012 at 3:43 am

Angus MacHammed

Schmannnity April 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

“I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.

I wouldn't count on Rowan Williams.

Fairtackle April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

I once had an elf magic user/cleric named Lynne Featherstone.

CZL April 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

A magic-using cleric? BURN THE HERETIC!

SayItWithWookies April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Really, the horror — what kind of society would we have if we didn't allow the pedophiles to dictate to the rest of us what we should and shouldn't be doing in the privacy of our own bedrooms?

Generation[redacted] April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

"…and will lead to more confusion."

Really, if you're confused, that should tell you something.

el_donaldo April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Council of Glasgow Imams? Had to run that through the anagram generator. Best? "Wigs Facials Cum Monolog"

emmelemm April 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

The Glasgow Imams is my new band name.

Schmannnity April 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

What if one partner in a gay marriage wore a burqa?

elviouslyqueer April 27, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm in, so long as they let me do a proper Bedazzling on it first.

YasserArraFeck April 28, 2012 at 8:29 am

Hamish, is that a haggis under yon burqa, 'r you just pleased tae see me?

edgydrifter April 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

It pisses off the Vatican and the mullahs? Hell, throw in the Scientologists and I'll support anything you want. The more miserable it makes fundie asshats, the happier it makes me.

Baconzgood April 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

They are all reaching out for each other. SOOOOOOO GEHY!!!!!!!!

OneDollarJuana April 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"Catholic Church Reaching Around To Jews and Muslims Over Shared Hatred Of Gays"

Hey, let's not forget the Baptists!

Wile E. Quixote April 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

If you're going to bring the Baptists in you have to make sure that your reaching around doesn't occur while you're standing up. Otherwise it could lead to dancing.

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Have no fear, Brother Land and his traveling skin beard will be chiming in soon enough.

sullivanst April 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Thank goodness the English built a firewall between religion and state by establishing the Church of WhateverEngland.

GuyClinch April 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

And so it came to pass that Mittens and his church and Ratzinger and his church and all the Mohametans and all the Jews went unto Mel Gibson's pool deck for a weekend and ate consecrated hosts from Magick Underwear and verily, a suckling pig was roasted, and handjobs giveneth and receiveth.

Swampgas_Man April 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

And the Jews and Mohametans asked for fried chicken instead, and yea, they were satisfied.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Is this a laudunum and absinthe-fueled fever-reverie of Dame Noonington?

Fukui-sanYesOta April 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an “attack” on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

Full text of the statement;

Yon sleekit clairty idea mebbe is guid fer doon south, but Mohammed (peace be upon him) saed it's verra bad. Step to us and you'll get a sair heid, aye?

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 5:48 pm

The Glasgow Imams' statement concluded:

"Can we have 50 pounds, to mend the shed?
We're right on our uppers.
We can pay you back
when this postal order comes
from Australia.
Honestly.
Hope the bladder trouble's
getting better.
Love,
The Imams."

misedumacated April 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

You know who else liked to reach ironically around the metaphorical isle?

SayItWithWookies April 27, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Sappho?

el_donaldo April 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Gilligan? And Skipper too?

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Benjamin Linus?
Smokey?

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

William the Bastard?

Sir_Fartz_Alot April 27, 2012 at 9:33 pm

mr brady?

Sharkey April 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

The Catholic Church: Preventing Confusion for 2000 Years… And Counting!

Biel_ze_Bubba April 27, 2012 at 4:57 pm

"to redefine marriage is not a good thing for society and will lead to more confusion.”

What you're doing, moron, is redefining "confusion".

bagofmice April 27, 2012 at 5:55 pm

So do we go back to the classical definition of multiple wives that you buy with a dowry and assorted concubines?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Can't you *do* something about this, Biely? Call in a few favours, pay a few late-night visits? Ratzi's surely old enough and sinful enough that an unannounced drop-in should send his ancient ticker right over the edge … (gazes at Biely mournfully + hopefully)

Negropolis April 28, 2012 at 1:05 am

Yeah, no shit. They can't even come up with a group for this hate-mongering. Now who's confused, here? lol

SorosBot April 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Hey, I'm sure they could reach agreement on keeping women as second class citizens too.

Maman April 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Can't work together to end pedophilia in their own ranks but when it comes on hating the gayz they are brothers. pathetic.

Biff April 28, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

JackObin April 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

They hate gays, but love screwing altar boys? Quite a hypocrite, that jehovah.

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 27, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Screwing altar boys is just fine with God as long as you are not gay about it.

EtchySketchy April 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Nice to see those religious folk coming together in an ecumenical circle-jerk.

Rayn_And April 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

If there's one thing the Catholic clergy knows, it's the reach around.

sullivanst April 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

They strike me as the kind of guys that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.

ttommyunger April 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Jesus wept.

Blueb4sunrise April 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Wonder if they can get bipartisan agreement on how long before you have to stop humping your dead spouse.

Beowoof April 27, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Well you know Jesus was all about hating people different from you.

Sir_Fartz_Alot April 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm

so much hate, so little time!

elviouslyqueer April 27, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Not to get all Biblical and shit, but "Love one another," motherfuckers. NOT HARD.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Yes, NOT HARD! Agape, not Eros!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Oh, like your lackwit audience would have the first fecking clue.

Chet Kincaid April 28, 2012 at 10:05 am

Randomly attacking the intelligence and education of Wonketeers?! Who are you, Charles Murray?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Not Wonketteers, silly, the trogs who need to be reminded of loving one's neighbour being the first and most important commandment. THOSE schlubs. I know better than to attack Teh Wonketteers, since yer all a vicious buncha bastids who would eat me alive in two seconds flat. Learned MY lesson.

Callyson April 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an "attack" on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

Bitches, please get over yourselves: people who support marriage equality are not doing so specifically to piss you all off…

…though, now that you mention it, that is a nice side benefit…

thefrontpage April 27, 2012 at 5:38 pm

"What people don't realize is that I've been having gay sex with numerous men for the past 40-plus years, since my teens, actually," said Ted Nugent when asked to comment on the same-sex marriage movement by The Post and the Hole, a British gay newspaper. "So, yes, I support gay marriage and same-sex marriage, whether it's in the United Kingdom, the United States, or other foreign countries, like Alaska and Texas." Nugent was rumored for years in the late 1960s and early 1970s to have had affairs with Paul Lynde, Rip Taylor and Liberace.

sullivanst April 27, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Gay community libel!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Srsly, you *know* gay men are big on personal grooming and cleanliness and stuff, do you honestly believe any one of those guys would have willingly fucked some idiot who walked around with their pants full of shit? Not without bleach, disinfectant, gloves, and scrubbing implements!

pinkocommi April 27, 2012 at 10:58 pm

The Post and the Hole does a gay marriage article? You are making that shit up.

rickmaci April 27, 2012 at 5:47 pm

So if it's an attack on Christian values AND also an attack on Islam, does that mean the Christians and the Muslims are now allies in a war on everybody??? This is starting to sound very Book of Revelation-y to me.

Chet Kincaid April 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm

In protest, the Catholic Bishops and Glasgow Imams announced a marathon public reading of "The Priest & The Acolyte" by John Francis Bloxam, which shall only conclude when all homosexuals are driven from the British Isles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Francis_Bloxam

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:12 pm

As long as it's not my anus he's making dalliance with, fella.

YasserArraFeck April 28, 2012 at 8:34 am

NIMBD – "Not In My Back Door"

sbj1964 April 27, 2012 at 6:06 pm

No other subject in the history of the world could unite the three Abrahamic faiths of the sand box (Hebrews,Muslims,and Christians) Like GAY SEX? Well that figures.

Guppy April 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

So the Pope gets his hand-woven silk panties in a bunch, and the Anglicans and Presbyterians are supposed to care?

Lionel[redacted]Esq April 27, 2012 at 6:15 pm

This makes perfect sense since Jesus, Muhammad and Abraham were all famous for laying beat downs on any gay they came across.

poorgradstudent April 27, 2012 at 6:27 pm

And they still have to pay people to find out why the young whippersnappers are turning away from traditional religion in droves.

rocktonsam April 27, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Finally, they agree on something, even if it is hate.

This is good news for Satan.

Wait, Featherstone? WTF kind of name is that Shirley?

Doktor StrangeZoom April 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I thought I was gay once, but I was only half in Ernest.

Butch_Wagstaff April 27, 2012 at 7:58 pm

There's an importance in being in Ernest.

Fairtackle April 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm

Hmm, halal haggis. Who knew?
http://www.scotsman.com/news/scottish-news/top-st

OneYieldRegular April 27, 2012 at 7:00 pm

This is one small step backward for religion, one giant step backward for humankind.

a_pink_poodle April 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I guess this is a good way to bring Muslims, Christians and Jews together…?

Butch_Wagstaff April 27, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I'm waiting for someone to say that this is only good thing that gays have done for civilization.

a_pink_poodle April 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

There will be peace in the Middle East at last

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Oh, PLEASE. Fashion, bitch.

upthruster April 27, 2012 at 7:14 pm

It's really hard to be pithy about a war on anything these days when the Syrians are be slaughtered by the hundreds every day, and drones are raining bombs all over Afghanistan and Pakistan.

These folks who feel they are being "attacked" by gay people should really sit for a day in Damascus and learn the definition of "attacked". Last week it was the Ohio Bishop claiming christian persecution like in Roman times, today it's Scottish Imams (Really?! Think about that for a second.) claiming equal treatment for all is an attack on their faith.

Butch_Wagstaff April 27, 2012 at 9:07 pm

As one of the gays, I never knew I was so busy. I'm indoctrinating children, I'm infringing on others' rights to practice their oppression…oops, I mean, religion. I'm busy trying to get married to dogs. And I'm apparently one of the people that control the liberal media/entertainment industrial complex.
How do I find the time for my BDSM sessions?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 27, 2012 at 10:14 pm

It's not easy being a well-balanced gay person, these days.

horsedreamer_1 April 27, 2012 at 8:38 pm

"Piazza, New York Catcher"? Not in Edinburgh. Not anymore.

anniegetyerfun April 27, 2012 at 11:03 pm

So What Who Cayuhs is to be the title of my first novel.

Negropolis April 28, 2012 at 12:56 am

Are they just in a spot of borther, or a whole helluva heap of bother?

Council of Glasgow Imams

What, all two of 'em? Well, I'm still waiting for the Jackson, Mississippi Conference of Orthodox Jews before I make up my mind.

“I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.

I wonder if you guys shouldn't just shut the fuck up, already, and get a life. Plus, Anglicans. Also. Suck it. Too.

Biff April 28, 2012 at 12:26 pm

I can't wait to hear what Zombie St. Andrew has to say about all this.

Chet Kincaid April 28, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Well anyway, how's it going? Still down in Oppositeland?

Biel_ze_Bubba April 29, 2012 at 1:42 am

I don't see a problem. The slackjpawed Xtards are always standing around with their mouths agape.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 6:39 pm

It's … going. I'm back, and overwhelmed with how much I need to do, and it's great to be back, but.

And you, my friend? Have things been good, lately?

Chet Kincaid April 28, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Having to check out of the wokkets from time to time to get actual stuff done, but otherwise ok!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money April 28, 2012 at 6:48 pm

I see the Editrix is keeping people busy with enough Actual Stuff that they don't get around to Breaking Things. Sensible Business Strategery. You sound happy. This is good.

Chet Kincaid April 29, 2012 at 12:35 pm

That's the Father Of Lies we all know and love!

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