NSFW!Religionists in Gaye Olde Britain are all in a bother because “Equalities Minister” (get a real job) Lynne Featherstone “launched a national consultation on how same-sex marriage might be introduced.”

“Indeed not!” said the papal nuncio! “Over our dead bodies!” said some Islamists. “So what who cayuhs,” said most of the Jews. But the papal nuncio was heartened by the reaction of (some of) the Jews and (many of) the Islamists, and declared a new ecumenicism — a catholicism, if you will! — in the shared facing of this common threat: some chaps and lassies what like each other. And picking up from their pals across the pond (US!), a few of them even figured out that letting someone else do something you don’t like could be interpreted as a war on you! To the battlestations! Man the ramparts!

In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an “attack” on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

Oy, gevalt! Say, chaps, shall we have a spot of #WAR?

Addressing English and Welsh bishops at their plenary meeting in Leeds, Archbishop Mennini, warned them they faced a “lengthy and probably difficult campaign”.

“I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.


Speaking in London yesterday the second most senior active Catholic cleric in England and Wales, Archbishop Peter Smith, of Southwark, said there had been no “formal” contact with Jewish groups to form a united front on the subject of marriage.

But he said: “We will work with anyone who agrees with us that to redefine marriage is not a good thing for society and will lead to more confusion.”

But with all that reaching around to other faiths, did they head over to the abbey and reach out to the nuns? Haha, we kid! Nuns are WOMEN! [Telegraph, via Towleroad]

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  • "all that reaching around to other faiths…"

    Oh, you slyboots!

  • Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
    And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
    And the Hindus hate the Muslims,
    And everybody hates the Jews Gays.

    National Brotherhood Week!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      TL FTW!

      • The man was positively prescient.

        • sullivanst

          Has he been hanging around the Upper West Side recently?

        • bureaucrap

          Not so much that he was prescient as that — plus la change plus le meme chose — that sorta thing.

      • You never say that to *me,* Biely.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          You don't want me praising you … what would the neighbors think?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Awesome Tom Lehrer reference! Take me now you stallion!

  • FakaktaSouth

    I know this makes me a racist of some sort, but am I the only person who finds the idea of a Scottish Muslim hilarious? I just can't picture the outfit one would wear without laughing.

    • A really long kilt?

      I'm trying to work out the accent, myself.

      • savethispatient

        The weird thing about going for a curry (i.e. Pakistani/Bangladeshi food) in Scotland is that generally the waiters speak with a broad Scottish accent, whereas in England they would often have a Pakistani accent. For some reason, the Scots accent overwhelms anything else.

      • LetUsBray

        Mrs. Bray went to an Indian diner during her travels in Scotland. The guy running the joint looked like Apu, but sounded like Groundskeeper Willie.

    • As Salaam Mac Loch Ness, Laddie!!

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Allah Akbarrrargh.

    • bagofmice
    • Years ago, when I was getting stoned with some pals in Santa Cruz, we would crack ourselves up over the idea of Irish-Jamaican-East-Indian Leprechauns and their amusing folkloric sayings, most of which have now been lost to the pot-mists of time.

      We were also fond of going into antique shops, lifting the lids off bowls and jars, and shouting, "404! Stash not found!"

      EDIT: Actually, I believe I have read that it's a true fact that Irish immigration contributed to the Jamaican accent. But I am too high to look that up right now.

    • Veritas78

      I don't think there's anything funny at all about my burkilta.

      • Negropolis

        Burkilta FTW! LOL!

    • Angus MacHammed

  • Schmannnity

    “I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.

    I wouldn't count on Rowan Williams.

  • Fairtackle

    I once had an elf magic user/cleric named Lynne Featherstone.

    • CZL

      A magic-using cleric? BURN THE HERETIC!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Really, the horror — what kind of society would we have if we didn't allow the pedophiles to dictate to the rest of us what we should and shouldn't be doing in the privacy of our own bedrooms?

  • Generation[redacted]

    "…and will lead to more confusion."

    Really, if you're confused, that should tell you something.

  • el_donaldo

    Council of Glasgow Imams? Had to run that through the anagram generator. Best? "Wigs Facials Cum Monolog"

    • emmelemm

      The Glasgow Imams is my new band name.

  • Schmannnity

    What if one partner in a gay marriage wore a burqa?

    • elviouslyqueer

      I'm in, so long as they let me do a proper Bedazzling on it first.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Hamish, is that a haggis under yon burqa, 'r you just pleased tae see me?

  • edgydrifter

    It pisses off the Vatican and the mullahs? Hell, throw in the Scientologists and I'll support anything you want. The more miserable it makes fundie asshats, the happier it makes me.

  • Baconzgood

    They are all reaching out for each other. SOOOOOOO GEHY!!!!!!!!

  • OneDollarJuana

    "Catholic Church Reaching Around To Jews and Muslims Over Shared Hatred Of Gays"

    Hey, let's not forget the Baptists!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      If you're going to bring the Baptists in you have to make sure that your reaching around doesn't occur while you're standing up. Otherwise it could lead to dancing.

    • ttommyunger

      Have no fear, Brother Land and his traveling skin beard will be chiming in soon enough.

  • sullivanst

    Thank goodness the English built a firewall between religion and state by establishing the Church of WhateverEngland.

  • And so it came to pass that Mittens and his church and Ratzinger and his church and all the Mohametans and all the Jews went unto Mel Gibson's pool deck for a weekend and ate consecrated hosts from Magick Underwear and verily, a suckling pig was roasted, and handjobs giveneth and receiveth.

    • Swampgas_Man

      And the Jews and Mohametans asked for fried chicken instead, and yea, they were satisfied.

    • Is this a laudunum and absinthe-fueled fever-reverie of Dame Noonington?

  • Fukui-sanYesOta

    In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an “attack” on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

    Full text of the statement;

    Yon sleekit clairty idea mebbe is guid fer doon south, but Mohammed (peace be upon him) saed it's verra bad. Step to us and you'll get a sair heid, aye?

    • The Glasgow Imams' statement concluded:

      "Can we have 50 pounds, to mend the shed?
      We're right on our uppers.
      We can pay you back
      when this postal order comes
      from Australia.
      Hope the bladder trouble's
      getting better.
      The Imams."

  • misedumacated

    You know who else liked to reach ironically around the metaphorical isle?

    • SayItWithWookies


      • el_donaldo

        Gilligan? And Skipper too?

    • Benjamin Linus?

    • horsedreamer_1

      William the Bastard?

    • Sir_Fartz_Alot

      mr brady?

  • The Catholic Church: Preventing Confusion for 2000 Years… And Counting!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "to redefine marriage is not a good thing for society and will lead to more confusion.”

    What you're doing, moron, is redefining "confusion".

    • bagofmice

      So do we go back to the classical definition of multiple wives that you buy with a dowry and assorted concubines?

    • Can't you *do* something about this, Biely? Call in a few favours, pay a few late-night visits? Ratzi's surely old enough and sinful enough that an unannounced drop-in should send his ancient ticker right over the edge … (gazes at Biely mournfully + hopefully)

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, no shit. They can't even come up with a group for this hate-mongering. Now who's confused, here? lol

  • SorosBot

    Hey, I'm sure they could reach agreement on keeping women as second class citizens too.

  • Can't work together to end pedophilia in their own ranks but when it comes on hating the gayz they are brothers. pathetic.

    • Biff

      The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

  • JackObin

    They hate gays, but love screwing altar boys? Quite a hypocrite, that jehovah.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Screwing altar boys is just fine with God as long as you are not gay about it.

  • EtchySketchy

    Nice to see those religious folk coming together in an ecumenical circle-jerk.

  • Rayn_And

    If there's one thing the Catholic clergy knows, it's the reach around.

    • sullivanst

      They strike me as the kind of guys that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around.

  • ttommyunger

    Jesus wept.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Wonder if they can get bipartisan agreement on how long before you have to stop humping your dead spouse.

  • Beowoof

    Well you know Jesus was all about hating people different from you.

    • Sir_Fartz_Alot

      so much hate, so little time!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Not to get all Biblical and shit, but "Love one another," motherfuckers. NOT HARD.

    • Yes, NOT HARD! Agape, not Eros!

      • Oh, like your lackwit audience would have the first fecking clue.

        • Randomly attacking the intelligence and education of Wonketeers?! Who are you, Charles Murray?

          • Not Wonketteers, silly, the trogs who need to be reminded of loving one's neighbour being the first and most important commandment. THOSE schlubs. I know better than to attack Teh Wonketteers, since yer all a vicious buncha bastids who would eat me alive in two seconds flat. Learned MY lesson.

          • Well anyway, how's it going? Still down in Oppositeland?

          • It's … going. I'm back, and overwhelmed with how much I need to do, and it's great to be back, but.

            And you, my friend? Have things been good, lately?

          • Having to check out of the wokkets from time to time to get actual stuff done, but otherwise ok!

          • I see the Editrix is keeping people busy with enough Actual Stuff that they don't get around to Breaking Things. Sensible Business Strategery. You sound happy. This is good.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I don't see a problem. The slackjpawed Xtards are always standing around with their mouths agape.

          • That's the Father Of Lies we all know and love!

  • Callyson

    In Scotland, the Council of Glasgow Imams recently agreed a joint resolution describing same-sex marriage as an "attack" on their faith and fundamental beliefs.

    Bitches, please get over yourselves: people who support marriage equality are not doing so specifically to piss you all off…

    …though, now that you mention it, that is a nice side benefit…

  • thefrontpage

    "What people don't realize is that I've been having gay sex with numerous men for the past 40-plus years, since my teens, actually," said Ted Nugent when asked to comment on the same-sex marriage movement by The Post and the Hole, a British gay newspaper. "So, yes, I support gay marriage and same-sex marriage, whether it's in the United Kingdom, the United States, or other foreign countries, like Alaska and Texas." Nugent was rumored for years in the late 1960s and early 1970s to have had affairs with Paul Lynde, Rip Taylor and Liberace.

    • sullivanst

      Gay community libel!

    • Srsly, you *know* gay men are big on personal grooming and cleanliness and stuff, do you honestly believe any one of those guys would have willingly fucked some idiot who walked around with their pants full of shit? Not without bleach, disinfectant, gloves, and scrubbing implements!

    • pinkocommi

      The Post and the Hole does a gay marriage article? You are making that shit up.

  • rickmaci

    So if it's an attack on Christian values AND also an attack on Islam, does that mean the Christians and the Muslims are now allies in a war on everybody??? This is starting to sound very Book of Revelation-y to me.

  • In protest, the Catholic Bishops and Glasgow Imams announced a marathon public reading of "The Priest & The Acolyte" by John Francis Bloxam, which shall only conclude when all homosexuals are driven from the British Isles.

    • As long as it's not my anus he's making dalliance with, fella.

      • YasserArraFeck

        NIMBD – "Not In My Back Door"

  • sbj1964

    No other subject in the history of the world could unite the three Abrahamic faiths of the sand box (Hebrews,Muslims,and Christians) Like GAY SEX? Well that figures.

  • Guppy

    So the Pope gets his hand-woven silk panties in a bunch, and the Anglicans and Presbyterians are supposed to care?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This makes perfect sense since Jesus, Muhammad and Abraham were all famous for laying beat downs on any gay they came across.

  • poorgradstudent

    And they still have to pay people to find out why the young whippersnappers are turning away from traditional religion in droves.

  • rocktonsam

    Finally, they agree on something, even if it is hate.

    This is good news for Satan.

    Wait, Featherstone? WTF kind of name is that Shirley?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I thought I was gay once, but I was only half in Ernest.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      There's an importance in being in Ernest.

  • Fairtackle

    Hmm, halal haggis. Who knew?

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is one small step backward for religion, one giant step backward for humankind.

  • a_pink_poodle

    I guess this is a good way to bring Muslims, Christians and Jews together…?

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm waiting for someone to say that this is only good thing that gays have done for civilization.

      • a_pink_poodle

        There will be peace in the Middle East at last

      • Oh, PLEASE. Fashion, bitch.

  • upthruster

    It's really hard to be pithy about a war on anything these days when the Syrians are be slaughtered by the hundreds every day, and drones are raining bombs all over Afghanistan and Pakistan.

    These folks who feel they are being "attacked" by gay people should really sit for a day in Damascus and learn the definition of "attacked". Last week it was the Ohio Bishop claiming christian persecution like in Roman times, today it's Scottish Imams (Really?! Think about that for a second.) claiming equal treatment for all is an attack on their faith.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      As one of the gays, I never knew I was so busy. I'm indoctrinating children, I'm infringing on others' rights to practice their oppression…oops, I mean, religion. I'm busy trying to get married to dogs. And I'm apparently one of the people that control the liberal media/entertainment industrial complex.
      How do I find the time for my BDSM sessions?

  • horsedreamer_1

    "Piazza, New York Catcher"? Not in Edinburgh. Not anymore.

  • anniegetyerfun

    So What Who Cayuhs is to be the title of my first novel.

  • Negropolis

    Are they just in a spot of borther, or a whole helluva heap of bother?

    Council of Glasgow Imams

    What, all two of 'em? Well, I'm still waiting for the Jackson, Mississippi Conference of Orthodox Jews before I make up my mind.

    “I wonder if we shouldn’t ask for and look for more support among other Christian confessions and indeed, persons of other faiths,” he said.

    I wonder if you guys shouldn't just shut the fuck up, already, and get a life. Plus, Anglicans. Also. Suck it. Too.

  • Biff

    I can't wait to hear what Zombie St. Andrew has to say about all this.

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